May 2014 costa link magazine by Costalink Magazine

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May 2014 NÂ°86

Business Directory Puzzles & Quizzes Whatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s On Guide Horoscopes Local Info Kids Page Jokes

The worst kept secret on the Costa del Sol

ccostadelhome.com ostadelhome.com Inspired Inspired Property Search

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Computer Computer Problems? Pro oblems? w ec an h elp p..... we can help....

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Summer is on it’s way...

Well things are certainly brightening up here on the coast. Yes, just as we all pop the last mini egg into our mouths and lick the last of the fondant filling from the creme egg, the sun suddenly heats up, the clouds (well most of them) melt away and bikini and speedo season is just around the corner, which, to many of us means months of walking around sucking your tummy in and/or puffing your chest, which I personally think is a work out in itself! Dates for your diary this month are a cheeky bank holiday on Thursday the 1st of May and to make it even better Spanish Mothers day is on the 4th. Sounds good to me! So before the beaches and bars become bursting at the seams and the car parking spaces become rarer than hens teeth, make the most of the warmer, but not boiling weather and settle yourself down outside for a good read of this months Costa Link Magazine. If you want a drink with a view check out the new Barboru (see page 21 for details). Hope you have a fantastic month & remember, keep smiling!

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A Womanâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s World Women make the world go round...

THE BIRDS AND THE PLANES?!? A mother and her 5-year-old son were flying Qantas from Sydney to Auckland. The son (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and asked, â&#x20AC;?If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes? "The mother, who couldn't think of an answer, told her son to ask the flight attendant. So the little guy walks up to the galley and asks the flight attendant, "If big dogs have baby dogs, and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes? "The flight attendant responded, "Did your mother tell you to ask me that? "The boy said, "Yes, she did". "Well then, please tell your mother that there are no baby planes because Qantas always pulls out on time, and ask her to explain that to you."

HOLD ON TO YOUR HAT... An elderly lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat tight so that it would not blow away in the wind. A gentleman approached her and said, "Pardon me, madam... I do not intend to be forward but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this high wind?" "Yes, I know," said the lady..... "I need both my hands to hold onto this hat." "But madam, you must know that you are not wearing any panties and your privates are exposed!" said the gentleman in earnest. The woman looked down, then back up at the man and replied, "Sir, anything you see down there is 75 years old. I just bought this hat yesterday!"

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HOT GOSS!

MRS. DOUBTFIRE 2 IS HAPPENING - TWENTY-ONE YEARS AFTER THE ORIGINAL!... Adopt a Scottish accent “Hellooooooo!” It seems Mrs. Doubtfire is in a long list of films to get a belated revamp. Robin Williams is set to step into the slippers once again to star in Mrs. Doubtfire 2 twenty-one years after the original hit movie screens back in 1993. Apparently the idea of a sequel almost came together ten years ago, but this is the first time Robin Williams and the director have taken to the idea. HAS TOWIE'S JAMES LOCK CHEATED ON GIRLFRIEND DANIELLE ARMSTRONG AGAIN? Can you hear that rumbling in the distance? That sharp clacking of plastic heels on herringbone-patterned driveway? The momentary silence of the birds as even the wind dies down. Then, suddenly, a piercing shriek. "LOCKIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Because TOWIE love rat James Lock, as we can officially brand him now, has apparently cheated on girlfriend Danielle Armstrong again - just weeks after confessing some sexy shenanigans on the ITV Reality show. While neither Lockie or Danielle have confirmed his alleged bad behaviour, it seems Dani was trying to take her mind off things this evening with a girls' night out. Well keep you’re eyes firmly on Twitter folks as we’re sure the truth will out... I CAN MAKE YOU REALLY RICH! Justin Theroux is Helping Jennifer Aniston ‘Double’ Her Wealth... Jennifer Aniston has built up a multimillion-dollar fortune over the years but now her fiancé is now helping her expand and maximize her wealth. They are working on projects that they can collaborate on and which can make them both a lot of money. Known for her Aveeno and Smartwater endorsement deals, the source said Theroux is pushing to increase her already substantial fortune, and she’s on board with the plan. The old adage never mix business with pleasure springs to mind Jen...

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HOT GOSS Kimye - The Wedding!

THE WEDDING IS STILL BEING KEPT A SECRET… Kim Kardashian and Kanye West’s wedding is probably the most anticipated and meticulously planned wedding since Wills and Kate tied the knot, and it seems the pair are intent on keeping their venue strictly under wraps. Kimye have been spotted scouting out wedding venues in Paris, but even her family are going to be kept guessing as sources claim guests won’t know the location until the big day. She hasn't even told her sisters.”The Kardashian-West mega-marriage is believed to be taking place on 24th May, and Kim and Kanye have been looking at a few different venues in Paris, including the $200 million Chateau Louis XIV. The Chateau comes with some delightful painted ceilings and a replica of Palace of Versailles' Chariot of Apollo fountain. For her big day, Kim is rumoured to be wearing a wedding gown from Azzedine Alaia and there are going to be multiple outfit changes. Well, they were hardly going to do it in their local registry office, were they? BEYONCE AND JAY Z TO SNUB THE BIG DAY... Jay Z and Kanye West are supposed to be BFFs, but apparently Jay and wife Beyonce have plans to skip Kanye’s wedding to Kim Kardashian. Why would your best friend miss your wedding? It’s all because Kimye’s wedding extravaganza is going to be filmed for Keeping Up With The Kardashians. JayZ is reportedly paying for the newlyweds to have use of a £100,000 yacht for their honeymoon. Arrrh bless... IT MIGHT NOT HAPPEN AFTER ALL... The Kimye wedding could be in danger of not happening at all. According to French law, Kim and Kanye need to live in the city they plan to marry in for 40 days before the big day, and this little glitch was discovered when they had just 39 days until the wedding. Looks like they might have to keep quiet about the wedding a little longer if Kimye are forced to change their plans. How exhausting.

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FOR SALE - Property of the Month! Calahonda: €215,000

Beautifully presented 2 bedroom, 2 bathroom apartment located in upper Calahonda. Providing amazing see views, south facing with terrace to the front, back and side. This property has been cared for, tastfully decorated and is completely ready to move into. Stylish kitchen area and many added features throughout. Must be seen to appreciate the quality. Ref: R2122424.

FOR SALE - Riviera del Sol: €129,000

Very nice apartment situated in Lower Riviera close to the Aztec club. The property is nicely furnished and benefits from 2 bedrooms both with ensuites, lounge diner, decent size terrace which looks down onto the communal pool area and is just a short 2-3 minute walk from the shops bars restaurants and beaches. Ref: R153649.

FOR SALE - Miraflores: €129,000

2 bed property, 2 bath,close to golf,close to shops, This property is available from may 1st.

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Your long term property rental specialists Tel: 952 932 908 Mob: 671 093 925 Website: www.costarents.com Email: info@costarents.com

Sierra Blanca Country Club: 5 bed, 4 bath quality villa located in the Sierra Blanca Country Club Only 3,000€ per month

TO LET: Riviera del Sol: Nice 1 bed duplex apartment situated in mid Riviera and close to shops, bars, restaurants and a supermarket. Lounge diner and a fully fitted kitchen and upstairs is the large bedroom. There is a terrace off both the bedroom and the lounge.Ref:R169094. Only 450€ per month

El Parasio: 4 bed, 3 bath detached will in El Parasio. Super quality and available immediately. €2500 per month.

TO LET: Costabella: A semi detatched townhouse 3 Bed, 2 Bath, beachside location of Costabella. Close to amenities and international schools, just 2 minutes walk to the beach. Large terraces to the front, rear as well as a large roof top terrace Ref : R2141398. Only 1000€ per month

PROPERTY SITTING EMPTY? MORTGAGE AND COMMUNITY FEES BUILDING UP?

Riviera del Sol: Lovely 3 bed apt in Riviera, clean, bright and spacious. €695 per month. TO LET: Riviera del Sol: This 7 bedroom villa is divided up as a 4 bed villa upstairs and self contained 3 bedroomed apartment downstairs. Withgarage, driveway and a landscaped garden with a heated pool. The kitchen is very high spec. Ref: R133399 Only 2000€ per month

KEEP CALM AND

RENT OUT YOUR PROPERTY

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Complaints to the Council

Extracts from letters written by council tenants...

1. It's the dogs mess that I find hard to swallow.

2. My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand? 3. I wish to complain that my father twisted his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage. 4. Their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my fence. 5. I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other day that blew them off. 6. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off. 7. I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall. 8. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant. 9. I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen. 10. 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster, and 50% are just plain filthy. 11. The next door neighbour has got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take it anymore. 12. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.

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Complaints to the Council

conâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; t

13. Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour and not fit to drink. 14. Our lavatory seat is broken in half and now is in three pieces. 15. I want to complain about the farmer across the road. Every morning at 6am his cock wakes me up and it's now getting too much for me. 16. The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous. 17. Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third, so please send someone round to do something about it. 18. I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man on top of me every night. 19. Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife. 20. I have had the clerk of works down on the floor six times but I still have no satisfaction. 21. This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broke and we can't get BBC2. 22. My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it.

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TRIVIA QUIZ

1) How is the singer Thomas Woodward better known? 2) On a Monopoly board, what colour is Leicester Square? 3) In the 1980’s, who had a hit with ‘I Should Be So Lucky’? 4) ‘S’ is the international vehicle registration of which country? 5) What name is given to a cigar shaped airship? 6) In the 1820’s, who designed the locomotive called the Rocket? 7) Which car manufacturer produced the Robin? 8) Which speed race goes from Putney to Mortlake? 9)In architecture, what name is given to a waterspout carved as a grotesque figure? 10) The character Dot Cotton appears in which TV soap? 11) Who won an Oscar in 2014 for Best Actress with her perform-

ance in Blue Jasmine? 12) In which decade of the 20th century was Chris Tarrant born? 13) Which word can go after ‘special’ and before ‘line’? 14) What is the name of the dog in the Magic Roundabout? 15) How many cards are needed for a game of Canasta? 16) Which London Street is associated with the medical profession? 17) Which animal is often given the name Brock? 18) Was St Trinnians a school for boys or for girls? 19) Which Frederick’s first success was The Day of the Jackal? 20) In which Dickens novel is the character Bill Sykes? 21) Who wrote the waltz called the Blue Danube?

22)Which Tom starred in Top Gun? 23)Which football team are known as the ‘Seagulls’? 24)In 1930, which female aviator flew from England to Australia? 25) Which house furnishing is associated with the town of Kidderminster? 26) Which French queen was executed in the French Revolution? 27) Who invented the television? 28) Scrumpy is a rough form of what? 29) From which Disney film does Cruella De Vil come from? 30) Which is bigger, a dolphin or a porpoise?

Answers on page 80

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Entertainment night It was entertainment night at the senior citizens' center. After the community sing-along. led by Alice at the piano, it was time for the star of the show..... Claude the Hypnotist! Claude explained that he was going to put the whole audience into a trance. "Yes, each and every one of you and all at the same time." said Claude. The excited chatter dropped to silence as Claude carefully withdrew from his waistcoat pocket; a beautiful antique gold pocket watch and chain. "I want you to keep your eyes on this watch" said Claude, holding the watch high for all to see. "It is a very special and valuable watch that has been in my family for six generations" said Claude. He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting.....

"Watch the watch --- Watch the watch --- Watch the watch...

"The audience became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth. The lights were twinkling and sparkling as they were reflected from its gleaming surfaces. A hundred and fifty pairs of eyes followed the movements of the gently swaying watch. They were hypnotized. And then, suddenly, the chain broke!!! The beautiful watch fell to the stage and burst apart on impact, shattering into a thousand pieces. "CRAP!" said Claude. It took them three days to clean the Senior Citizens' Center and Claude was never invited there again.

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A Bagpipers Taleâ&#x20AC;Ś

As a bagpiper, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper's cemetery in the Lochaber hinterlands. As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost and, being a typical man, I didn't stop for directions. I finally arrived an hour late and saw the funeral guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight. There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch. I felt badly and apologised to the men for being late. I went to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in place. I didn't know what else to do, so I started to play. The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. I played out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends. I played like I've never played before for this homeless man. And as I played "Amazing Grace", the workers began to weep. They wept, I wept, we all wept together. When I finished, I packed up my bagpipes and started for my car. Though my head was hung low, my heart was full. As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say, "I never seen nothing like that before and I've been putting in septic tanks for twenty years."

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Three dogs at the vets...

Three dogs were sitting in the waiting room at the vet's when they struck up a conversation. The Black Labrador turned to the yellow Labrador and said "So why are you here?" The yellow Lab replied, "I'm a wetter. I pee on everything… the sofa, the curtains, the cat, the kids. But the final straw was last night when I peed in the middle of my owner's bed." The black Lab said, "So what’s the vet going to do?" "Gonna cut my nackers off" came the reply from the yellow Lab. "They reckon it'll calm me down." The Yellow Lab then turned to the Black Lab and asked "So why are you here?" The Black Lab said, "I'm a digger. I dig under fences, dig up flowers and trees, I dig just for the hell of it. When I'm inside, I dig up the carpets. But I went over the line last night when I dug a great big hole in my owners’ sofa." "So what are they going to do to you?" the Yellow Lab enquired. "Looks like I'm losing my nackers too," the dejected Black Lab said. The Black Lab then turned to the Great Dane and asked, "Why are you here?” "I'm a humper," said the Great Dane. "I'll hump anything. I'll hump the cat, a pillow, the table, fence posts, whatever. I want to hump everything I see." Yesterday my owner had just got out of the shower and was bending down to dry her toes, and I just couldn't help myself. I hopped on her back and started hammering away." The Black and the Yellow Labs exchanged a sad glance and said....... "So, it's nackers off for you too, huh ?" The Great Dane said, "No, apparently I'm here to get my nails clipped !"

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A Manâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s World

GOOD ADVICE

Some wisdom that you as a bloke should consider before getting marriedâ&#x20AC;Ś For all of you that are already married, I assume you did the right thing. I was happy. My girlfriend and me were dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way; my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend? She was a dream! There was only one thing bothering me, quite much indeed, and that was my mother-in-law to be. She was a career woman, smart, but most of all beautiful and sexy, who sometimes flirted with me, quite obviously too, and made me feel uncomfortable. One day, she called me and asked me to come over, to check the invitations. So I went. She was alone, and when I arrived, she whispered to me, that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she can't overcome. So before I get married and commit my life to her daughter, she wants to make love to me just once... What could I say? I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word. So, she said, I'll go to the bedroom, and if you are up for it, just come and get me. I just watched her delicious behind as she went up the stairs. I stood there for a moment, and then turned around and went to the front door... I opened it, and stepped out of the house. Her husband was standing outside, and with tears in his eyes, hugged me and said, 'we are very happy and pleased; you have passed our little test. We couldn't have asked for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family!' Lesson learned: Always keep your condoms in your car!

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Health Well Being &

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IS YOUR HEALTH WRITTEN ALL OVER YOUR FACE?

19 PROBLEMS YOU CAN SEE IN THE MIRROR...CERTAIN AILMENTS MAY BE STARING BACK A YOU.

HORIZONTAL LINES ON THE FOREHEAD: This may indicate digestive issues. Drinking warm water mixed with lemon juice first thing every morning can combat these. AGEING LINES AROUND THE MOUTH: A primary concern for many women is ageing lines around the mouth, which can be caused by smoking. The effects can be lessened by regularly applying lip balm. And quitting smoking, of course. PIMPLES ON THE FOREHEAD: This could indicate internal symptoms, such as problems with the liver and stomach congestion. To help combat this drink plenty of water to flush out any toxins. Eat more liver-friendly foods,

such as leafy green vegetables, and cut out processed foods, as well as caffeine. DARK CIRCLES UNDER YOUR EYES: Dark circles that persist despite regular, restful and sufficient sleep may be a result of food intolerances. If you suffer from this you should remove dairy and wheat from your diet and see if the dark circles lighten. DARK CIRCLES ON EYES: This can indicate a possible deficiency of iron in the blood try reducing the amount of stimulating drinks you have, including fizzy drinks, coffee and tea. PRONOUNCED FROWN LINE: A pronounced frown line between the eyes shows the liver is under pressure. This could be for physical, environmental and emotional reasons, or an allergy to foods/substances or loss and grief. This leads to adrenal overload, known as burnout. Try gently massaging the brow area with circular moves. PUFFY SKIN: The skin may be trying to protect itself from a beauty product that is too strong for it. Drink lots of water to help drain the lymph system.

MORE NEXT MONTHâ&#x20AC;Ś

If your skin needs a new lease of life why not pop along to The Rejuvenation Clinic in Riviera del Sol. They are offering a complementary mini facial when you book a FREE consultation with them. See page 33.

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Medical Tips

What is Frozen Shoulder

(Adhesive Capsulitis) and how can it be resolved?

shoulders can be more complex to treat than other parts of the body as they usually require more input from the patient in terms of changing or adjusting their lifestyle habits, to prevent ongoing irritation to the shoulder and to prevent future relapses especially in the areas of work, sleep and sport. The shoulders sacrifice stability in order “Frozen shoulder”(or medically speaking, Adhesive to increase mobility, Capsulitis) is not a pure diagnosis as such in my opin- this is their main attribute. They (usually!) have an ion, but refers to a condition which can occur as a incredible range of motion and are only held onto our result of a more specific illness, condition, problem or bodies by tendons and ligaments which can easily be irritated by repetitive /awkward movements, espeinjury in the shoulder or elsewhere in the body. Its used when a patient has difficulty associated with cially when the shoulders are not “sitting” correctly in pain and stiffness at /near the top of the arm when relation to the rest of your body. trying to lift the arm out from the side of the body or If you think about it, shoulders are also useful indicawith internal rotation (reaching behind your back) or tors of your mental and emotional state, whether external rotation (behind your head), so to avoid pain open and relaxed, or tight and hunched up due to the patient stops using the arm for everything except internal stress or an automatic unnoticed response very limited movements and so the shoulder appears to repressed anger, fear or anxiety. Of course they are to be “frozen” and is held to the patients side for pro- often painful simply as a result of injury or overuse and some sleeping/sitting postures but an osteopath tection which then exacerbates the situation. as a holistic practitioner has to consider all possibiliDifferential Diagnosis i.e. (what its NOT) is a very ties when a patient presents at the clinic. important part of the osteopathic examination and Treatment using soft tissue and articulation can history taking i.e. (the patients story) and shoulders sometimes be a little painful to start with (not can be complex. always!)and is aimed at undoing any tightness in the There are probably well over 30 diagnosis of shoulder surrounding muscles and joints, stretch and exercise pain which relate just to the “shoulder” itself (which to increase muscle strength and joint stability and a includes the gleno-humeral joint, clavicle, and shoul- lot of advice on how to reconsider your posture when der blade plus some input from the neck, ribs and working, carrying, driving, computing etc, and the sternum) such as impingement syndrome, or rotator best use of ice and anti-inflammatories are all part of cuff tear or acromio-clavicular arthritis or the one I the process to recovery. believe I see most of, biceps tendonitis. But a variety of other things can “mimic” or cause Take a deep breath, breathe out and let those shoulreferred pain and here I mention only a few without ders go! wanting to alarm you, including apical lung cancer Christopher Howard, is a Preferred Partner of (Pancosts tumor ) breast tumors, ischemic heart dis- “medilink” and a UK trained Osteopath with ease, arthritic neck joints and disc prolapses, osteoporosis, diabetes, pancreatic, liver or spleen clinics in both La Cala and Alhaurin el Grande. inflammation, and so on. An osteopath will refer you For more information on Christopher or any of to another medical specialist if necessary for scans, our other Preferred Partners call “medilink” on x-rays or blood tests. 952 93 38 76 Once it’s established that the pain is structural, If you have ever been given the “cold shoulder” then you know it can be unpleasant, but a frozen shoulder is worse as it probably takes longer to recover from. As a student (and it is a while ago!), we were taught that a frozen shoulder can take 6 months to develop, 6 months of difficult pain and 6 months to resolve. Hopefully with early advice and treatment it can be a much shorter term hindrance to daily life. It may sound surprising but as an osteopath I generally treat far more neck and shoulder/arm problems than low back or leg complaints.

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A problem with Jackâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Manhood...

Jack goes to the doctor and says 'Doctor I'm having trouble getting my manhood to stand to attention, can you help me?' After a complete examination the doctor tells Jack, 'Well, the problem with you is that the muscles around the base of your gentleman sausage are damaged. There's really nothing I can do for you except if you're willing to try an experimental treatment.' Jack asks sadly, 'What is this treatment?' 'Well,' the doctor explains, 'what we would do is take a few muscles from the trunk of a baby elephant and implant them in your manly area.' Jack thinks about it silently then says, 'Well the thought of going through life without ever having sex again is too much, let's go for it.' A few weeks after the operation, Jack was given the green light to use his improved equipment. He planned a romantic evening for his girlfriend and took her to one of the nicest restaurants in the city. In the middle of dinner he felt a stirring between his legs that continued to the point of being painful. To release the pressure Jack unzipped his fly. His gentleman sausage immediately sprung from his pants, went to the top of the table, grabbed a roll and then returned to his trousers. His girl friend was stunned at first, but then said with a sly smile, 'that was incredible! Can you do it again?' Jack replied with his eyes watering, 'Well, I guess so, but I don't think I can fit another roll in my bottom. Medi$BSF JT DPNNJUUFE UP QSPWJEJOH RVBMJUZ Medi $BSF JT DPNNJUUFE UP QSPWJEJOH RVBMJUZ JJO FWFSZ BTQFDU PG DBSF BOE TVQQPSU JO UJNFT O FWFSZ BTQFDU PG DBSF BOE TVQQPSU JO UJNFT PG OFFE BWBJMBCMF JO UIF DPNGPSU BOE TBGFUZ P G OFFE BWBJMBCMF JO UIF DPNGPSU BOE TBGFUZ PG ZPVS PXO IPNF P G ZPVS PXO IPNF

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May 2014 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 4/24/14 3:06 PM Page 38

Top 10 facts about

COFFEE

1. The Dutch drink more coffee than any other nation, an average of 2.414 cups each, every day. 2. Coffee is said to have been discovered by a ninth-century Ethiopian farmer, who realised his goats were going crazy over coffee beans. 3. Every scene of the film Fight Club has a Starbucks coffee cup hidden in it somewhere. 4. Johann Sebastian Bach wrote a Coffee Cantata in 1732, telling the comic tale of a man whose daughter is addicted to coffee. 5. Expenditure on coffee in Britain first overtook the amount spent on tea in 1998. 6. The Mexican coffee liqueur Kahlua was invented in 1936. Its name in a Nahuati language means “House of the Acolhua people”. They were a sister group to the Aztecs in central America. 7. In 2009, Gennaro Pelliccia, chief taster at Costa Coffee, had his tongue insured for £10million. 8. Frederick the Great of Prussia (1712-86) took coffee with champagne as a calming drink. 9. More than 400 billion cups of coffee are drunk around the world every year. 10. The world’s most expensive coffee is Kopi Luak, made from beans excreted by civet cats.

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May 2014 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 4/24/14 3:06 PM Page 40

SAy WHAT!?! Kids say the funniest things...

1. A nursery school pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it was dead. “How do you know that the cat was dead?” she asked her pupil. “Because I p@*#d in it’s ear and it didn’t move,” answered the child innocently. “You did What?” the teacher exclaimed in surprise. You know,” explained the boy, “I leaned over and went ‘Pssst’ and it didn’t move’ 2. A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes later...“Da-ad...” “What?” “I'm thirsty. Can you bring a drink of water?” “No, You had your chance. Lights out. Five minutes later: “Da-aaaad...” “What?” “I’m Thirsty. Can I have a drink of water?” “I told you No! If you ask again, I’ll have to smack you! Five minutes later...“Daaaa-aaaad...” “What!” When you come in to smack me, can you bring a drink of water?”

3. An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him “How do you expect to get into Heaven?” The boy thought it over and said, “Well, I’ll run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, “For Heaven’s sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!”

4. One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, “Mummy, will you sleep with me tonight?” The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. “I can’t dear,” she said. “I have to sleep in Daddy’s room.” A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice: “The big sissy.” 5. A little boy was doing his maths homework. He said to himself, “Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven. Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine...” His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, “What are you doing?” The little boy answered, “I’m doing my maths homework, Mum.” “And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?” the mother asked “Yes,” he answered. Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, “What on earth are you teaching my son in maths?” The teacher replied, “Right now, we are learning addition.” The mother asked, “And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a bitch is four?” After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, “What I taught them was, two plus two, The Sum Of Which, is four.” 6. One day the junior school teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer. She read, “.... and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, 'The sky is falling, the sky is falling!” The teacher paused then asked the class, “And what do you think that farmer said?” One little girl raised her hand and said, “I think he said: 'Holy crap! A talking chicken!” The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes. 40

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Here are some of the weirdest things about America That Americans don’t realise are WEIRD…

1. Portion Sizes 2. Flags everywhere. EVERYWHERE. 3. Price tags without tax included, how do you know how much you’re spending until you get to the cashier? 4. Tipping: It was incredibly hard for me to get my head around how much is appropriate for the service charge. 5. Advertising prescription drugs. That was the weirdest one for me. “ask your doctor for brand xxxxxx antidepressant” type commercials on the TV. In the rest of the world, your doctor tells you what drugs you should take, not the other way around. 6. Everything being designed around cars. You can’t walk anywhere – There are literally no pavements?!? 7. The sheer amount of commercials on the television, and their lack of quality. 8. Aerosol cheese. Like seriously try it – but you’ll only be trying it once… 9. Your public toilets – They are too low down and the stalls have massive gaps around the doors so that people can see in. You can put a man on the moon but you can’t design a setup whereby I can have a poo in comfortable privacy – sort it out America.

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May 2014 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 4/24/14 2:09 PM Page 46

Here are some of the weirdest things about America Contiued...…

10. Pickles and sauces… You have pickles and sauces with everything. 11. Jaywalking is a crime? I think everyone not from the US does this all the time when in the US most people don’t even know it’s supposed to be illegal. 12. Why is bread in the USA sooooooo sweet? Sandwich bread, hamburger buns, all bread tastes like cake? 13. Soft drinks are free flowing, everywhere. McDonalds you get a gigantic cup for a dollar - it comes with unlimited refills. Even at a restaurant if you half finish your coke the waitress will bring you another one. The first time you’re like “hey I didn’t order this” but then you release it’s free. 14. You are all so loud! But friendly. 15. There is so much water in your toilet bowls! Seriously, why so much? 16. A very blasé approach to credit card security. Signatures don’t matter and no one uses a PIN. 17. The pledge of allegiance is creepy. I know most Americans just say it because they have to in school but if you listen to the words it sounds strange to have children just chanting it off. 18. Lawyer adverts, everywhere. Even on park benches.

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May 2014 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 4/24/14 2:09 PM Page 48

THE GENEVA MOTORSHOW REVIEW

THE GOOD, THE BAD & THE DOWNRIGHT UGLY It’s that time of year again when all the motor manufactures start pedaling there wares to the good and great, the star of them all being The Geneva Motor Show it’s been a big fish on the automotive calendar for decades. The revolutionary Lamborghini Miura was unveiled here more than 50 years ago... This year though, it’s as if it’s importance is waning. Recent swings in favour of Japanese, German and North American shows have split the new car reveals across the whole year. Manufacturers can now develop their cars on their own schedules and simply reveal them at the next major motor show on the calendar. There were no real surprises or unexpected developments at Geneva 2014. New performance icons have been created in the Honda Civic Type R, Lamborghini Huracán and Subaru WRX STI, but these we had seen before the show. On the new and slightly wacky front we finally have been able to get up close with Citroen’s delightfully mad Cactus. It’s brilliant to see such a different design making it to production (we think it looks like a I pad on wheels, so will probably be a massive hit).

As far as electric cars go there’s a lot happening, but it’s debatable how much of it is truly significant. At Geneva there are plenty of small concerns with big ideas, but none of them seem to have figured out how to make a small, electric car look desirable. The Fulu Meteor E.T. is the worst offender by far. If you’ve just eaten, try to avoid looking at it at all.

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May 2014 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 4/24/14 2:09 PM Page 50

DEM es MAGIC! Magic Sandals A married couple were on holiday in Jamaica. They were touring around the market-place looking at the goods and such, when they passed a small sandal shop. From inside they heard the shopkeeper with a Jamaican accent say, 'You foreigners! Come in. Come into my humble shop.' So the married couple walked in. The Jamaican said to them, 'I 'ave some special sandals I tink you would be interested in. Dey makes you wild at sex.' Well, the wife was really interested in buying the sandals after what the man claimed, but her husband felt he really didn't need them, being the Sex God that he was. The husband asked the man, 'How could sandals make you a sex freak?' The Jamaican replied, 'Just try dem on, Mon.' Well, the husband, after some badgering from his wife, finally gave in and tried them on. As soon as he slipped them onto his feet, he got this wild look in his eyes, something his wife hadn't seen before!! In the blink of an eye, the husband grabbed the Jamaican, bent him over the table, yanked down his pants, ripped down his own pants, and grabbed a firm hold of the Jamaicans thighs. The Jamaican began screaming: 'You got dem on de wrong feet!'

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May 2014 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 4/24/14 3:10 PM Page 52

Top 10 facts about JACK THE RIPPER

ON April 3rd, 1888, the first of 11 murders took place in the Whitechapel area of London, many of which were thought to have been committed by a man known only as ‘Jack the Ripper’.

1. The April 3rd victim was Emma Elizabeth Smith, who died of her injuries after robbery and assault. 2. Only five of the 11 cases in Scotland Yard’s “Whitechapel Murders” file are generally agreed to have been done by the same man. Emma Smith’s murder is not among them. 3. Queen Victoria is reported to have thought that the murderer was a butcher or cattle drover. 4. The name ‘Jack the Ripper’ originated in a letter purportedly from the killer written in 1888. 5. It has never been established whether this letter was genuine or a hoax. 6. At least seven films, two TV movies and two TV series have had the title Jack The Ripper. 7. There was also a French rock group called by the same name. 8. All his murders took place at weekends or in the early morning, which suggests he had a normal job. 9. A doctor who performed an autopsy of an early Ripper victim declared that Jack was left-handed but he had no scientific grounds for doing so. 10. Jack the Ripper’s last murder is thought to have been in November 1888. He was never caught.

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May 2014 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 4/24/14 3:10 PM Page 54

YELLOW 24

A man goes to the doctor's, feeling a little ill. The doctor throughly checks him over and says, “I’m so sorry to say but I have some very bad news. You have a rare condition called Yellow 24, a really nasty virus. It's called Yellow 24 because it rapidly eats away at your blood cells turning your blood yellow and you usually only have 24 hours to live. There's no known cure, so I suggest you go home and enjoy your final precious moments on earth.” The man trudges home to his wife and breaks the news. Distraught, they decide how to spend their last day together and she asks him to go to the bingo with her that evening as he's never been there with her before although she has always wanted it to be something they did together They arrive at the bingo and with his first card, he gets four corners and wins €35.Then, with the same card, he gets a line and wins €320. Then he gets the full house and wins €1000. Then the National Grid comes up and he wins that too winning a massive €380,000. The bingo caller gets him up on stage and says, “Son, I've been here 20 years and I've never seen anyone win four corners, a line, the full house and the national grid on the same card. You must be the luckiest man on Earth!” “Lucky?!!!” he screamed. “Lucky? I'll have you know I've got Yellow 24.” “I’ve never seen this happen before NO WAY,” says the bingo caller. “You've only just gone and won the raffle as well !!”

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May 2014 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 4/24/14 3:10 PM Page 56

Strangebuttrue...

Do you know WHY?

• Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat? • Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough? • Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet? • Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle? • Why do they use sterilised needles for death by lethal injection? • Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard? • Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him? • Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets? • Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"? • If you send someone polystyrene,how do you pack it? • If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes? • If it's true that we are here to help others, what are the others doing here? • What level of importance must a person have, before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered? • Why does a round pizza come in a square box? • How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on bigger suitcases ? • Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up every two hours? • If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing? • Why do doctors, when they ask you to strip, leave the room or close the cubicle curtain while you change? .....They're still going to see you naked anyway.

GARDEN CENTER L I N D AV I S TA

Ctra de Cadiz, Km171,29670, San Pedro de Alcantara, Behind McDonalds in San Pedro. Tel; 952785206

HU GE RA NGE OF: POT S lG ARD E N TO OLS lPLA NT S FLOW ERS & S HRU B S lG A RDEN FU RNI TU RE lG A R D E N O R N A M E N TS

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May 2014 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 4/24/14 3:10 PM Page 58

FINANCIAL NEWS

It would have been reasonable for the euro to have headed lower last month, given the European Central Bank president's comment at the weekend. He said that the strength of the currency "requires further monetary stimulus". Investors' interpretation was that the ECB's next move will be to set a negative rate of interest on the deposits it receives from commercial bank. Such a move would probably weaken the euro. But investors were far from convinced that Mario Draghi's words would turn into actions any time soon, so the euro suffered only minor damage. It strengthened by a fifth of a cent against sterling and by a cent and a half against the US dollar. The euro had less success against the Australian dollar, falling by quarter of cent. By a similar ambiguity Tuesday 15th April, UK inflation data was simultaneously good for the pound and they weren't. The consumer price index went up by 1.6% in the year to March, just as analysts had predicted. It was the sixth successive monthly decline in the inflation rate and the third month that it had been below the Bank of England's 2% target. Good figures out of the UK, unemployment dropped from 7.2% to 6.9%, industrial production fell in the euro zone. For more information on how Moneycorp can help you achieve more money on your exchange of funds, whether buying, selling or sending funds overseas, please contact our currency partner on 952 587 657. If you would like further information please contact Moneycorp on

952 587 657

and quote Costa Link Magazine

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May 2014 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 4/24/14 3:10 PM Page 60 This cake is a real treat easy to make, great with a cuppa it’s got it all a light, fruity layer cake with chocolate ganache and simple sponge.....

White Chocolate & Raspberry Cake

Ingredients:

•200g butter, chopped into small cubes +extra for greasing •100g white chocolate, broken into pieces •4 large eggs •200g caster sugar •200g self-raising flour •175g raspberries, fresh or frozen

Method:

For the ganache •200g white chocolate, chopped •250ml double cream •a little icing sugar, for dusting

1)Heat oven to 180C/160C fan/gas 4. Grease and line the base of 2 x 20cm round, loose-bottomed cake tins. Put the butter and chocolate in a heatproof mixing bowl, set over a pan of barely simmering water and allow to melt slowly, stirring occasionally. 2) When the butter and chocolate have melted, remove from the heat and allow to cool for 1-2 mins, then beat in the eggs and sugar with an electric whisk. Fold in the flour and raspberries. 3) Gently pour the mixture into the tins and bake for 20-25 mins or until golden brown and a skewer inserted into the centre comes out clean (the raspberries may leave a residue on the skewer, so don’t be fooled by their juiciness). Remove the cakes from the oven and allow to cool in the tins for 10 mins before turning out onto a wire rack. 4) To make the ganache, put the chocolate in a heatproof bowl with 100ml of the cream, set over a pan of barely simmering water. Stir until the chocolate has melted into the cream and you are left with a smooth, glossy ganache. Leave the ganache to cool to room temperature, then beat in the rest of the cream.When the cakes have cooled, sandwich them together with the chocolate ganache. Dust with icing sugar just before serving.

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May 2014 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 4/23/14 4:13 PM Page 62

What’s On

Guide

LIve Music in Estepona & Manilva May 2014: For live music fans in the Estepona, Manilva area Live Music Spain has some great shows and great venues. Commencing on May 10th in the Castillo Castle, La Duquesa, from the U.K Deeper Purple a Tribute to Deep Purple. Two more shows are planned at the Castle, also Duquesa Golf, El Molino, Swing Restaurant will aso be feathering the likes of The New Jersey Boys, The Four Tops, plus Tribute Bands to the Beatles, Stones, Dire Straits, Blues Brothers and The Police (Cops) For full details of all these shows and lots more please go to wwwlivemusicspain.com or contact tel: 952 796 320 - tickets@livemusicspain.com. 20th May 2014: Estepona Floral Art Club will be holding a flower arranging demonstration from 3.15pm to 5.30pm. Back by popular demand, the demonstrator will be Dulcie Lofting, NAFAS Area Demonstrator from Norfolk. For more information please call Jo on 952 89 13 85 or send an email to esteponafloralartclub@hotmail.com. 1st of May - 18th of July: MadHatters Film Camp - Create your own movie; writing, directing, acting, filming. Summer sessions: June 30th - July 11th and July 18th - July 25th from 10am until 5pm. Ages 8-18 years old welcome, accommodation available For more informaiton call: 673 505 838. 7th & 8th June 2014: The “Butterfly Children Golf & Ball” is back for its 12th edition. The golf tournament will take place on Saturday, 7th of June. Green fees cost 70€ per head and include a welcome drink with strawberries, picnic and a prize giving cocktail later in the afternoon at the club house. Reservations 952 90 70 85. On the 8th of June a delicious three course meal will be served under the stars at the terrace of the Aloha Club House. The price of 50€ per person also includes live quality entertainment by the T.A.P.A.S Choir, The New Jersey Boys and Mel Williams. Reservations 952 81 23 90. Every Monday: Dance with JiveSpain at Howies, La Cala (formally Mijas Playa) from 8pm 11pm. For more information see website at www.jivespain.com or call Colin on: 635 717 211. Every Monday: 1st Coin Brownies meet 5pm-6.30pm at El Centro Nazareno in Coin. Suitable forages 7-10 years. Great fun for the girls. Contact www.1stcoinbrownies.info Every Monday: 11 am – 1 pm: Age Care Drop In where people can chat, share experiences and find out about living in Spain at La Iglesia Bar, near Bonanza Square, Benalmadena Costa. Every Monday: Arts and Crafts Fair in Benahavis at 8pm in the Main Square in Benahavis. Every Tuesday: The Costa Women Coffee Club meet every second Tuesday at 10am – 12.30pm for coffee, chats and other activities and is a social group designed to get ladies of all ages together. It’s best to join the group via Facebook or contact Emma on 608 408 771. Every Tuesday: 11 am – 1 pm Age Care Coffee Morning where people can chat, share experiences and find out about living in Spain at the Cafe in Supersol, El Zoco, Calahonda or call us on Tel 952 933 409 for more information. Every Wednesday: at 11:30am the Malaga Picasso Museum is offering free guided tours in English which is included with the price of admission. Every Thursday: Dance with JiveSpain at Tikitano Restaurant, Estepona from 8pm - 11pm. For more information seee website at www.jivespain.com or call Colin on: 635 717 211. Every Thursday: Market at Calypso, Calahonda. Every Thursday: Flea Market from 9am next to Aldi in Las Lagunas, plenty of parking. Every Thursday: 10 am – 12.30 pm: Age Care Drop In where people can chat, share experiences and find out about living in Spain at Manilla Bar, Paseo Maritimo, Los Boliches, Fuengirola. Every Friday: Dance with JiveSpain at Hotel El Goleto, Duquesa from 8pm - 11pm. For more information see website at www.jivespain.com or call Colin on: 635 717 211. Every Sunday: Dance with JiveSpain take over the dance floor at Atalaya Park Hotel. For more information see website at www.jivespain.com or call Colin on: 635 717 211. Every Sunday: Flea Market EVERY Sunday 10am till 2pm at Calypso, Calahonda. Every Sunday: FAMA have a car boot sale at the Hippodrome from 9am - 2pm. Every Sunday: Craft Market every Sunday in the Marbella Marina on the Teresa Zabell Pier: 12-6pm.

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May 2014 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 4/23/14 4:13 PM Page 64

ocal Info Emergency Numbers

---

Central number for Fire, Police & Ambulance National Police Local Police Guardia Civil dica

Medical

112 091 092 062

Emergency 061 Ambulance Marbella 902 505 061 Ambulance Coin 952 453 267

Train Timetables 902 240 202 Airports Malaga 952 048 844 Gibraltar 956 773 026

Health Centres

Marbella 952 769 946 Coin 952 452 767 San Pedro 952 787 700

Town Halls

Marbella 952 761 100 San Pedro 952 453 020 La Cala de Mijas 952 493 208 Fuengirola 952 589 300 Estepona 952 801 100

Fire Brigade

Emergency number 080 Marbella 952 774 349 Estepona 952 804 483 Fuengirola 952 461 046

Consulates

British Ireland Denmark Sweden Germany France U.S.A

952 952 952 952 952 952 952

Marbella Coin Estepona Fuengirola San Pedro

952 771 442 952 822 818 952 822 818 952 467 457 952 785 252

352 475 226 604 212 226 474

300 108 373 383 442 590 891

Tourist Information

Transport

Bus Stations Marbella 952 764 400 Coin 952 450 366 San Pedro 952 781 396 Estepona 952 800249 For a list of complete times www.andalucia.com/travel/bus

Markets

Monday - Marbella (fairground site on east side) Tuesday - Fuengirola (fairground near Los Boliches) Wednesday - Calypso (Mijas Costa & Estepona (Avda. Juan Carlos) La Cala - Feria ground Thursday - San Pedro (Recinto Ferial) Alhaurin el Grande - (La Fama) Saturday - Coin (Calle Urbano Pineda) & Nueva Andalucia (Next to Centro Plaza the Bullring). La Cala - Feria ground. Sunday - Puerto Estepona (Marina).

Cinemas

All the Cinemas listed below show films in English as well as Spanish. Call first to check what is showing that week. Marbella: Cinesur Plaza del Mar 952 766 941 La Ca単ada 902 333 231 Puerto Banus: Gran Marbella 952 810 077 Coin: La Trocha 951 315 039 Fuengirola Cinesur Miramar 902 221 622

Chemists

24 hour chemist Urb. Artola, Ctra. Cadiz Km 194. Marbella. Tel: 952 83 25 89

Taxis

Marbella Taxis 952 774 488 Mijas Costa Taxis 952 476 593

Diary Dates

01/05/2014: Labour Day (Public holiday).

04/05/2014: Spanish Mothers Day. 30/05/2014: Spring Bank Holiday (UK).

if you would like to sponsor this page please call 663 061 669

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May 2014 Costa Link Magazine_Editorial Layout 4/23/14 4:13 PM Page 66

S TA R S I GN S

A look at what's in store for you during May 2014.....

Capricorn

Aquarius

Aquarius, the first week of May 2014 will be quite peaceful. The Sun in your sign, will be in an area that will incline towards an isolated life and will lay emphasis on emotional privacy, on home and family. It's time you tidied your wardrobe, closet, storeroom, garage, toolshed or yard. On May 7th 2014 Mercury will start a party in the house of love and the atmosphere will lighten up: the tendency towards flirting and fun will grow. Enjoy every moment of it! At work you'll have new, original and ingenious ideas. Money will come by means of work, but also by means of speculation of which some will be very favorable. You'll be in a good shape: you'll have energy and work capacity; you'd better take a break from time to time and try to avoid excesses.

Pisces

Pisces, May 2014 will be a rather stable period for Pisces people, in which domestic and financial preoccupations will prevail. You'll now learn to appreciate comfort and safety, and genuine, but quiet affection. You won't be very inclined towards wild and restless passion. You won't be willing to take too much trouble, nor to take big risks. At least for now, when it comes to money, don't rush and be (more) careful what you spend it on! What you have ahead is a very active period at work, full of meetings and traveling, maybe even trips on professional purposes. You'll have several interests at the same time. Be careful, though, because in May 2014 things will tend to work more slowly or differently to the way you have been expecting, especially in the first part of the month.

Aries

Aries, be happy! On May 3rd 2014 Venus, the planet of love and harmony, will enter Aries where it will stay until towards the end of the month (May 29th). With Venus by your side, your heart will be warm your charm will soften, seduce and win people over. Love will come to you by itself, even if you were not expecting it. And you can't say no to it! The Sun will cross Aries' house of money in the first two weeks of May 2014, which will therefore acquire material notes. There will be some relief as regards loans, debts, recuperations, inheritance, attracting funds, and maybe some improvement in the financial situation of your partner. At the professional level, May 2014 will be a very active period, but more efficient in the second half. Stress will still burden you, but vitality and vigor will resume expect your overall health and fitness to improve.

Taurus

Gemini 66

Capricorn, you'll deeply feel the need for emotional safety. You want a relationship that offers certainty and security. You might talk to your partner about starting a family or, if you have already done it, about building or buying a house, making living together more comfortable. You might be haunted by the nostalgia for a past love, or somebody you once had an affair with might come into your way. After a period of trials and special projects or efforts, you'll begin to see concrete results at work. Relax this month take up a new sport or maybe a creative activity! May 2014 will be a great month to pamper and treat yourself, but also to get your body in shape for the summer months ahead.

Taurus, May is generally a good month for your sign it brings you a lot of reasons for satisfaction. On the other hand though things will happen at a mental or psychical level rather than a factual one. You may experience moments of loneliness or disappointment. Go out as often as possible, meet friends, take part in-group activities! At work your sign will be fed by the Sun giving vitality and confidence, this will highlight you and help you make a good impression. This month will see a power of decision, you'll differentiate more easily between what's important and what comes second, and youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll focus on objectives better. It's possible that you'll sometimes get the impression that somebody is opposing you or holding you back, or that you'll have to manage critical situations. However, you'll win, by having patience.

Gemini your interests in May 2014 seem to be of practical nature rather than a sentimental one. Mercury's will be traveling through your sign bringing many favorable points. This month we see you having plenty of opportunities to join parties or be out and about with friends, on one of these occasions a love story could begin. May 2014 won't be one of those periods full of thrill and emotion that make you all excited, but it can be a period in which you'll have good fun. This month will favor movement so you might take several trips. You'll still be busy, you'll work hard or in restrictive conditions, but fortunately money will come so you'll have the satisfaction of enjoying the result of your efforts. Walk more often, ride your bike or your roller skates; dance, swim, do team sports!

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Cancer

Leo

Virgo

Libra

Scorpio

Sagittarius

Cancer, this month will not lack tension for your sign; however, in spite of this fact, the situation will be quite stable. You might go through moments in which you and your partner will have different visions on the same thing and you'll find it difficult to negotiate an acceptable solution for both. Try to take a step back from things, view issues in a more relaxed way and with more humor, you'd only gain from it. On the work and money front you will continue to be ahead of the game. You'll enjoy a lot of visibility, draw attention and receive admiration. However, not everybody will be glad for your progress. You shouldn't be surprised in case there's somebody who seems to want to throw obstacles in your way or gossip you behind your back. Be patient with children and friends! Leo, Love will have the capacity to influence your thinking and ideas, to open new horizons to you this month. Romantic trips may be planned at the last moment. Even a new love or relationship may commence. On the other hand, Leo will greatly need privacy at the emotional level. This is unlike you, as usually you like to have public appearances, to socialise. You may go through a period of loneliness? At work have a month of success. You'll have big ambitions and you'll feel the need for appreciation and consideration. Financially, in May 2014 Leos will have reasons to be optimistic: Mercury, the ruler of Leo's house of money, will be in an excellent position. Don’t expose yourself to exaggerated efforts and try to have a balanced lifestyle. Be careful when traveling, and very diplomatic in the daily life! Virgo, throughout this month Jupiter will be in the luckiest area of your horoscope. It'll be well accommodated and, even if there are difficult moments from time to time, it'll see that they will be cast away and peacefulness and joy will be brought back. On the career and finance front you’ll be in a position lending you ambition; clarifying objectives and helping you focus on them. It'll offer you the opportunity to progress to glory and honors. There is good news at the financial level as well this month will see a boost on the income level. Go for it! Take advantage of these profitable astral circumstances! You'll have energy levels this month, why not take up a new out door activity get rid of some on the hyperactivity, go on it’ll be fun! Libra, come on lets celebrate! On May 3rd 2014 Venus will enter your sign where it'll stay until the 29th. Venus is the lady of hearts and the planet of love. If you are not in a relationship yet, you'll start looking for love with more enthusiasm, and if you have one, you'll try to make it sweeter, more cheerful and more pleasant. With love coming out of you in waves you’ll be bound to get those feeling reciprocated by all around. On the work and finance front May will bring a promise of chance and opportunities. Although try to avoid important financial decisions in the second week of the month! After that expect finances to evolve with satisfactorily outcomes, there might even appear a new business or investment idea. Try to manage your strength and energy as economically as possible take some time out when you can June is going to be a busy month for you Libra.

Scorpio, May 2014 will be important for Scorpio's relationships: the Sun will cross your sign, which will increase your need to be with someone. If you are single, this month will bring you the chance to meet somebody, this will happen at work or due to a working relationship or meeting. If you are in a relationship then in this period you'll be more attentive to the person by your side, you'll have availability to understand him/her, to look at things from their point of view as well. Try to socialize and have fun do things together or with other people! On the work and money side of things you'll have to be flexible and from time to time to give in a little, for the sake of better things developing. Your health will still need your full attention, try to take it easy when possible.

Sagittarius, Venus will be making itself known this month. This is the greatest astral configuration for love and fun. Venus rules love, pleasures, and the joy of living. You will be hot to trot this month Sagittarius. It'll urge you to show your sexy side and will lure you to places and circumstances you can meet with love. Why not resume relationships with friends you haven't seen for a long time! With the Sun also in your sign, the first two weeks of May 2014 will be very active professionally speaking. You can expect events to happen that will highlight your skills make you proud of what you are achieving. Financially speaking, you'll be very well as long as you don't launch yourself into careless decisions.

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puzzle Link The Words

Solutions on page 80

it out

In each of these puzzles, three words are listed. All you have to do is find another word that can preceed each of these 3 words.

____

WORKS

___

FOIL

2) 4) 5)

____ ___

_____

RUNNER

RAGE

WATER

ALLEY

DROP

BAG

POT

TIME

CAN

POT

WHISTLE BLACK

FARTHING

Guess The Celeb

Sudoku

Brain Teaser

NAME THAT COUNTRY

A) My capital is Khartoum, my official language is Arabic, and I am located in northeastern Africa. B) I am proud to say that I am the largest country in the world, with a land area of 17,075,200 sq. km, and I am the home to about 140,000,000 people. C) My official language is English, I am one of the islands that make up Oceania. My population is about 844,300 people, and my capital is Suva.

D) I am a large island country (property of Denmark) located off the northeast coast of North America. I am covered with an ice cap, and I have a very small population.

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Crossword

Across: 7. act to prevent edge fraying (7) 9. fear (5) 10. from (3) 11. sideways (9) 12. lead; conduct (5) 14. swindler (7) 16. an awkward situation (7) 18. cargo vessel for towing (5) 19. relating to money matters (9) 20. stinging insect (3) 21. item of value (5) 22. getting larger (7)

Down: 1. confuse (8) 2. man of courage (4) 3. stableman (6) 4. greatly loved (6) 5. made up of tiny compartments (8) 6. swirl of water (4) 8. pulling back (11) 13. title of the Pope (8) 15. come out again (8) 17. tiny (6) 18. vote (6) 19. grow weary (4) 20. outbreak in skin (4)

Name The Film

A Quentin Tarantino directed and stars B in this 1992 cult film with an enviable cast.

This 2007 film stars a rat, who can cook, he makes an unusual alliance with a young kitchen worker.

Say What You See...

COLLAR

HOT

temp era ture

theHEADsand

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The Jokes page

Jokes page

Dyslexic drunk I woke up this morning, got dressed and went to the kitchen where my wife was already making breakfast. I looked to see what she was cooking, and I saw one of my socks in the frying pan. "What are you doing?" I asked. "I'm doing exactly what you asked me to do last night when you came to bed, very drunk," she replied. I walked away thinking to myself, “that’ s funny... I don't remember asking her to cook my sock.”

What do mopeds and fat ladies have in common? They're both a great ride until someone sees you on one.

A high school English teacher reminds her class of tomorrows final exam. Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family - but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!" A smart-alec guy at the back of the room raises his hand and asks, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says, "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."

Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door. "Brenda, may I come in?" he asks. "I've somethin' to tell ya". "Of course you can come in, you're always welcome, Tim. But where's my husband?" "That's what I'm here to be telling ya, Brenda." There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery" "Oh, God no!" Cries Brenda. 72

"Please don't tell me." "I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and gone. I'm sorry. Finally, she looked up at Tim. "How did it happen, Tim?" "It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout and drowned." "Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me truth, Tim. Did he at least go quickly?" "Well, Brenda... no. In fact, he got out three times to pee."

A man walks up to a woman in his office each day, stands very close to her, draws in a large breath of air and tells her that her hair smells nice. After a week of this, she can't stand it any longer, and goes to her supervisor to file a sexual harassment complaint. She tells the supervisor what the co-worker does, and that she wants to file a sexual harassment suit against him. The supervisor is puzzled by this approach, and asks, “What's sexually threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?” The woman replies, “It's Dave, the dwarf.”

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Marble Floor Polishing Phone Paul: 654 589 218

Before

After

Free advice on how to care for your floors at www.marblefloor.info

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puzzle Trvia Quiz Answers

1) Tom Jones 2) Yellow 3) Kylie Minogue 4) Sweden 5) Zeppelin 6) George Stephenson 7) Reliant 8) University Boat Race 9) Gargoyle 10) East Enders 11) Cate Blanchett 12) 1940â&#x20AC;&#x2122;s 13) Branch 14) Dougal 15) 108 16) Harley Street 17) Badger 18) Girls 19) Forsythe 20) Oliver Twist 21) Johann Strauss 22) Cruise 23) Brighton & Hove Albion F.C. 24) Amy Johnson 25) Carpets 26) Marie Antoinette 27) John Logie Baird 28) Cider 29) 101 Dalmatians 30) Dolphin

Answers from 20, 70 & 71

it out

Link The Words 1)Road 2) Back 3) Tin 4) Tea 5) Penny

Guess The Celeb a) David Bowie b) Miley Cyrus

Brain Teaser 1) Sudan

2) Russia 3)Fuji

4) Greenland

Crossword Solution

Sudoku Solution

Name The Film

a) Reservoir Dogs (1992) b) Ratatouille (2007)

Say What You See 1) Hot under the collar

2) Falling Temperature

3) Head in the sand

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