Today’s
DARING WOMAN August / September 2018
Be 50! Be Fierce! Be You!
Why Not Say “Why Not”?
STAND UP
TAKE CHARGE
Today’s Daring Woman
1
From tanks and tees to posters and mugs, surround yourself with positivity to stay motivated day in and day out.
S H O P DAR I N G W O M AN. C O M 2
Today’s Daring Woman
Today’s Daring Woman
3
In this Issue... Life & Love
Cover Stories
10 | Just Be You 14 | Be 50! Be Fierce! Be You!
48 | Today’s Daring Woman 53 | Step Up, Take Charge
18 | Conscious Relationships and Pleasure 22 | 10 Tips for Chaos
55 | Why Not Say “Why Not”?
Health & Wellness
61 | Dreaming of Your Dream Job? Create It!
25 | Secret to Success 27 | Lower Leg Blast 30 | Get Out of Your Own Head 35 | Step Into Your Own Power 37 | How to Not Need Help from #MeToo Project
Empowered Reading
Business Women’s Issues 65 | My Ego Does Not Serve Me Well 66 | Generation Hex
Horoscopes 70 | Horoscopes
43 | 10 Titles to Pick Up Now! 44 | Book Reviews
Catch us on Instagram @ ImADaringWoman
4
Today’s Daring Woman
TRACEY OSBORNE Editor-in-Chief
Team Editor GERI WESTPHAL Assistant Editor MARK OSBORNE Design Director HEATHER TERWILLIGER Graphic Designer SUSANN TRAXEL-ROBINSON Copywriter KATHERINE COPELAND Social Media Manager JESSICA WESTPHAL PR Director DORIS HOBBS Web Designer CHRISTIANE JECHOUX Executive Assistant CHARLOTTE BELLIS
Special Thanks to Zohre Nemati, the photographer of the photo used on the cover, curated from Unsplash.com
Today’s Daring Woman
5
Letter from the Editor time goes on, and my team and I learn more and more, Daring Woman and Today’s Daring Woman will only get better and better. I have learned so much about this industry and even though there is still a ton to learn, I’m having a ball and doing what I love…and that’s what counts. You see, I’m following my passion. I have had a dream for a long time to work with women – helping them to overcome life’s challenges and rise above and beyond. Inspiring them with my stories so they know that they aren’t alone and that it’s ok to speak out. Publishing Today’s Daring Woman is just one creative way I get to do that. Our blog, podcast, e-store, online community, and upcoming events are other methods we will be using to get the word out. I didn’t wake up one day and just decide to start a magazine. Well, ok maybe I kinda did. That is how I roll after all. I get an idea, and I run with it. Sometimes they work. Other times they don’t even get off the ground. But the point is, I’m not afraid to take the risk and try something new. I honestly have no clue about running a magazine. I’m not a journalist. I’m not a publisher. I am however, intelligent and determined. The past few months leading up to this issue have been chaotic at best. But it’s the kind of chaos I welcome. I don’t have to get it right immediately. If I did, I’d never get this magazine published. But as
Follow Us On...
@imadaringwoman
6
Today’s Daring Woman
There is strength in numbers and I firmly believe that by banding together to love and support one another, we can create a ripple in the world that will become a tidal wave of strength and empowerment for women everywhere. This is just the beginning my friend. The Daring Woman movement has just begun. I’m excited that you have chosen to be part of it.
Tracey Editor-in-Chief @traceycosborne
Facebook @imadaringwoman
@imadaringwoman
@imadaringwoman
Contributors Samantha Madhosingh
Dr. Samantha Madhosingh has dedicated more than 20 thousand hours to researching, understanding, & solving the infinite possibilities of human potential, behavior, & performance. She is the founder & CEO of ElevateHER, an organization passionate about assisting corporations with becoming THE place to work for both men & women. She provides leadership training & executive coaching for business organizations ready to breakdown cultural, gender, & other unconscious barriers to transform their leaders, teams, & staff into an inclusive, high-performing, innovative, & engaged workforce. Dr. Samantha guides leaders through powerful experiences that help them shatter glass ceilings, step into their own power, and achieve exponential growth and fulfillment.
Rachel Gedney
Rachel is an International Relationship Mentor, guiding men and women to experience more conscious relationships andembody their pleasure. She has worked closely with females for a number of years as The Wisdom Mentor in her private practice, now her attion turns to Men, as well as assisting couples. Her new Company House of Feminine was established to encompass both Women and Men.
Kathleen Rubio
Kethleen Rubio is a female entrepreneur and founder of Igniting Your Health, a business designed to help parnets achieve a healthy lifestyle through tracking sheets, workbooks, and (soon to be) e-books. She is on a mission to help other parents, particularly moms, reach their potential in health and happiness.
Sylvia Salow
Sylvia Salow is a spiritual life coach, public speaker, and author encouraging people to unlock their potential and overcome their inner limitations. In her work, she guides people to heal their inner wounds and negative subconscious beliefs so that they can create the life they desire. In her TEDx talk, she explains how we can learn what our life purpose is. Sylvia is focusing on people who are in the middle of life transformation. It’s the place where you old world falls apart, and you’re called to be more.
Mark Kahn
Mark has been a Clinical Psychologist for 35 years and a Management Consultant for 20 years. He has dedicated decades to his personal transformation and to activating the highest potential and fulfilment in his clients, on multiple levels; in their personal lives, in their relationships, in their careers as leaders, managers, partners, parents...in all realms that have meaning and relevance for them.
Dee Wallace
Dee Wallace is an internationally known actress (130 films, 4 series, over 200 commercials) best known for her role as the mother in Steven Spielberg’s E.T.! She has appeared on every major network and talk show, including Oprah and The Today Show. Ms. Wallace earned her teaching credentials from The University of Kansas, and has worked as a teacher in the public school system, as well as her own dance and acting studios. Ms. Wallace expanded her love of teaching, and the principles she found empowering for children, into daily sessions, a radio show and five books. Her work is based on the principles of accepting responsibility, and loving ourselves early in life to create the life we desire.
Today’s Daring Woman
7
Amanda Gazzalo
Amanda Gazzola is the founder of RELOVE+RISE. Amanda loves working with female adults who are feeling lost and struggling with finding the confidence in themselves that they used to have or maybe never felt they had.
Geri Westphal
Geri Westphal, Author of Beautiful Lady, shares her real-life story of how cancer changed her life for the better through reawakening and rebirth. We are intensely aware of the things that cancer takes from us, but we do not often acknowledge the hidden gifts it leaves behind.
Callie Metler-Smith
Callie Metler-Smith is the CEO of Clear Fork Publishing, the American Newspapers and Throckmorton Tribune, and Noteworthy Bookstore. She loves to cook new things, and experimenting in the kitchen. Among her loves are Dr. Pepper, husband Philip, her two boys Ben and Logan, niece Sadey, and her cats, Thunderbolt and Stormy.
Viki Simpson
Viki Simpson is licensed and accredited by Hay House to teach the philosophies of selfhelp guru, teacher and bestselling author Louise L Hay. She works exclusively with women through workshops and life coaching; teaching ladies to love and approve of themselves, empowering them to harness the Law of Attraction and manifest their personal goals.
Kieri Olmstead
Kieri Olmstead is a Marriage & Family Therapist in Kansas City, Missouri and Owner Simple Empathy Marketing, a web design and marketing company for female entrepreneurs looking to master their online presence. She’s the mother of a fiercely strong 2.5 year old daughter and step-mom to two incredible boys with her husband of 3 years.
Ronna Wiseman
Ronna Wiseman is a life coach, adventurer, and fierce woman over 50!
Just a Girl
A combination of a broken heart, horrible events, drinking too much alcohol, hiding from a mysogynist and sofa-surfing put “Just A Girl” in the hospital, followed by admission into detox and then months in rehab. Her writings began as therapy. A way to process a horrible chain of events that ended in a mental breakdown and institution. Twelve months later with her life thankfully getting back on track, her scribbles morphed into “Just A Girl”…an account of how it felt to be “Me”....as she was then, inside her head during that horrific final year. And how she eventually clawed her way back to sanity. Today, Just A Girl is a happy, healthy, sober, accomplished writer and columnist. 8
Today’s Daring Woman
love
LIFE &
Today’s Daring Woman
9
[ LIFE & LOVE ]
Just Be You
by Samantha Madhosingh
I write this and share it with you as a daring, strong, and powerful woman…as someone who refuses to be stopped by the obstacles, hurdles, and blind-spots that litter my path. And also, as a woman who faces the world with a crazy mixture of courage, bravery, and vulnerability, but who is also often riddled with fear and doubt, and certain, at times, that I am a fraud. And, in reality, this is true for most people, especially women.
10
Today’s Daring Woman
Three years ago, in a book chapter I authored, I wrote this statement: “Live the life you want by creating a life you simply love, with no facades, no masks, and no pretending.” My chapter was about recovering from “perfectionism” and granting myself permission to just BE me. What I realized, with much discomfort, as I began thinking about writing this article today about being a daring, powerful, and successful woman is that I am STILL in recovery. Like any addict, the temptation to wear the mask, to
pretend to be infallible and “have it all together” is intoxicating. And, as often as I remove the mask and share my truth, I also have noticed that there are hurdles I trip over time and again, and I don’t always share those stories. So, I asked myself, “What makes it so difficult to live a life of real transparency and authenticity?” The answer to this question, is something I have grappled with several times in the past and have known the answer to for a while. What I notice in our communities is that we constantly convey the idea that our leaders and mentors must behave perfectly and have all the answers. They must unfailingly always “walk their talk” as if they are superhuman and make zero mistakes. This promotes the ‘I must be perfect’ addiction, but this is an impossible, untenable, and exhausting life for any leader. And, quite frankly, it is dangerous. The stress alone of thinking we must be perfect at all times threatens the physical, mental, and emotional wellbeing of millions of men and women every day.
worlds they live in that make it uncomfortable to do so. In the past, women’s brains have been conditioned from our experiences as children to avoid risks, to avoid being judged, and not to use our voice. Through all media, religion, education, and societies in general, women are portrayed as weak, with opinions that are
“The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself.”
When uncertainty, mistakes, or failures cannot happen without humiliation or shame, women will continue to hide and play small, and innovation suffers. In our world of “appearing perfect” women leaders are fearful of taking risks due to what they imagine might be the consequences of that risk. They are fearful of having the spotlight shine on them because they have been conditioned to remain in the background. We say we want transparency and authenticity and for leaders to own their mistakes, but do we give them the space to do that? Do we allow leaders, innovators, and creators to be vulnerable or is that seen as weakness? Are they allowed to say, “I don’t know?” When we are asking women to step forward, stand up, speak out, and be seen, we must first seek to understand the conditions both inside their minds and in the multiple
- Anna Quindlen not as important as those put forth by men. We have done this for centuries. And, yes, we have come a long way and opportunities exist now that weren’t available before for women. But even recently, young millennial women have expressed to me that their work has been trivialized and their voices unheard by men at work and in education who prefer to hear and promote the voices of other men. There is still no pay equity and upward mobility, in many careers, is still limited. I have met women who have told me they prefer to work for male leaders. And, I have heard women, as recently as earlier this year, tell a room filled with women that they should be “more feminine” in order to be more likeable to male leaders so they can get ahead! We are still asking for permission. We are still hoping to be heard without making too many waves, and we are still being people-pleasers in order to fit in. Daring, outspoken women have historically been seen as rebels. They are wild, unfeminine, bossy, aggressive, and unlikeable. Not exactly traits to aspire to! We teach little girls not to be bossy, but instead to be “ladylike” and cautious.
Today’s Daring Woman
11
[ LIFE & LOVE ] This is the information our brain receives and processes. It then looks for other evidence to confirm and validate these experiences, creating meaning, stories, and beliefs about who we are, what we are capable and worthy of. This conditioning happens to all of us. We are filtering information that conditions us all day every day from the day we are born until we die. None of us are immune. Even those of us who see ourselves as daring, strong, powerful women. Because of our conditioning, women often develop an inner voice that sounds very much like a ‘Negative Nelly’, ‘Critical Christina’, or ‘Debbie Downer’. She shows the highlight reel of all the ways things can go wrong, the flaws we have and mistakes we have made, and catastrophizes the future. She shows us all the “what if” scenarios of what will go wrong and insists that we are so weak that we would not be able to survive the situation. She tells us that we are not good enough, our voice doesn’t matter, we don’t matter, and our ideas are not needed. She also tells us that any success we have ever had is a fluke, and as soon as everyone finds out who we REALLY are, they will discard us, and we will be the laughing stock of our industry. If we truly want to encourage and empower women to show up, speak up, and be daring, we must change the conditioning and messaging women (and
12
Today’s Daring Woman
men) receive. It’s time to UNLEARN what we have learned. As women take our rightful place at the table without asking for permission, it is necessary for us to recognize our conditioning and consciously gain the awareness and knowledge to dismantle all the lies that swirl in our minds, demolish all the old conditioning, and reframe the stories that have been holding us back, silencing our voices, stifling our progress, and impacting our relationships. The process of becoming yourself is a daily, ongoing labor of self-love. One that includes forgiveness and compassion for self and others and daring to engage and be connected to the people around us. By working diligently on ourselves, we transform our own minds and we create inclusive cultures in the systems that surround us. So, what does it really mean to be a daring, powerful, successful woman? Well, to be clear, it doesn’t mean that she is perfect. And it doesn’t mean that she has no fear. It also doesn’t mean that she doesn’t doubt herself and feel overwhelmed and insecure at times. And it doesn’t mean that she can do everything by herself or has all the answers. In my opinion, what it does mean is that
this woman is someone who is aware of her own conditioning and yet has the courage to embrace the uncertainty and vulnerability of showing up, taking risks, and allowing herself to be fully seen, taking comfort solely in the knowledge that even though she may make mistakes, fall hard, and get bruised along the way, she has the capacity and capability to RISE with authenticity and transparency, and flourish. And, so she does. Ladies, always, and in ALL ways, just BE you. TD W
Today’s Daring Woman
13
[ LIFE & LOVE ]
Be 50! Be Fierce! BE YOU!
by Ronna Wiseman 14
Today’s Daring Woman
Remember when you were going to turn 50 years of age? The Big 50! Many of us dreaded this milestone birthday. Others say it’s just a number. It’s all about your attitude. For me, I had mixed emotions. Lots of different thoughts flooded mind. Like…half my life has gone by…my body will start to change, you know, the wrinkles, gray hair, aches in my knees, stretch marks…you get it. Then there’s…still have lots of adventures to experience…now, I can get discounts at some establishments! Yes! They say it’s a time where we easily give up on ourselves and our dreams. We just fade away and decide the future is for the young. We feel we can’t make a difference any more. Have you been there? Are you there?
I am fierce. And so are you.
I truly believe I am fierce more now than ever. When I put my mind to it, I know I can accomplish pretty much anything. With the experience of 50 years behind me, I have knowledge and fully understand about focus and discipline. I finished my first 10K run during my 50s and did so exceptionally well which was totally unexpected. In my division of women, ages 5059, there were 203 runners and I finished 12th! I say this to you to demonstrate it’s possible to accomplish outcomes you thought you never could.
But wait. I’ve lived through turning 50 and then some. I’m here to tell you the 50s have been one of the best times of my life. I have a few words of encouragement for you. Find a way. Stay positive in your thinking. Keep going. Take chances. Here are 5 words I can say for sure to describe myself that I never thought I would until now. 1. 2. 3. 4. 5.
Wise Fierce Unstoppable Powerful Confident
I am wise. And so are you.
I have lived over 50 years and that makes me wise simply for that. I have loved and lost, made some big mistakes, attended college, had embarrassing moments, experienced broken bones, felt deeply depressed, made lasting friendships, traveled the world, experienced the loss of a loved one, faced challenges, was extremely frightened, danced all night long, accomplished goals, failed at some goals, and I am unstoppable. And so are you. secured financial freedom. I have lived and that When I really put my mind to it, I am in itself has made me wise. unstoppable. How many diets have you been on your 50 years of life? I can count them on two hands. I tried this diet and that diet. My weight
Today’s Daring Woman
15
[ LIFE & LOVE ]
I was afraid and nervous, but I took the classes anyway... fluctuated so many times. I gave up many times consistent physical activity. I have successfully only to once again try to manage my weight to lost over 20 pounds and maintained this weight. an acceptable level. I feel better more than ever. It takes work, but I know you can do it. Listen to me. Once I stopped focusing on making the loss about the numbers and I am powerful. And so are you. all about how I wanted to feel, the pounds Women in their 50s are so powerful. I don’t dropped off. Of course, I included regular mean in an authoritative or controlling way. We physical activities because healthy weight loss have lived life having years of experience behind has always been about healthy eating and us. Our accomplishments are a result of being
16
Today’s Daring Woman
driven, focused, and tenacious. I don’t swim. But I decided it was time to learn in my 50s. I was determined to learn. So I registered for adult swim classes with a local recreation center. I was afraid and nervous, but I took the classes anyway. A 17-year old young man was my instructor and I felt a little embarrassed he was going to teach me. But he was patient and understanding. Guess what? At the end of six sessions, I swam! I was not a Diana Nyad, but I did swim on my own.
I am confident. And so are you.
I am so glad to be in my 50s. I am more confident, relaxed, and less worrisome. Things that used to bother me, don’t any more. I dress for comfort more often. I don’t wear makeup a lot of times. I have traveled solo several times. I was afraid of being in a foreign country on my own as a female solo traveler. But each time I reflect back on those times, I am grateful I traveled solo because I had the most exciting adventures I would never have had. Material things are not so important to me. Time is the most important thing and I understand that fully now for sure. I plan to start an online business in the near future. A new venture that comes with fear, doubt, uncertainty, and worry. But I am going to power through and do this. I am confident that in the end, it will all work out.
Be your best you in your 50s.
Women in their 50s are wise, fierce, unstoppable, powerful, and confident. We are fabulous, fun, and accomplished. What is so wonderful about the journey is we still have so much more to look forward to. You are 50 and just getting started! TD W
Today’s Daring Woman
17
[ LIFE & LOVE ]
Conscious Relationships & Pleasure by Rachel Gedney
You’re here reading this magazine because you’re bored and tired of the mundane, outmoded twaddle all around us in the media, telling us we should do this, should be like that, should dress this way, should eat this, should look a certain way, should disappear into middle age at 50 … should, should, should … NO! NADA! Not in the world I inhabit! I am a good Rebel aiming for a good Revolution, I promise. Daring means pushing the boundaries, doing things differently, questioning the status quo, being who we are and loving it, visiting our programmed beliefs and altering our belief systems, and sometimes this means looking at and pushing our edges … even erotic edges! Got your attention now? Do you dare? Because we’re Daring Greatly! That said, I have two questions for you … What does the term Conscious Relationships mean to you? What does Embodying your Pleasure mean to you? I guarantee, that although there will be
18
Today’s Daring Woman
commonality amongst us, there will be, without question an individual belief system for each and every one of you glorious women. And that is perfectly right for you. As my Olympian Dressage Riding Instructor once taught me over 35 years ago, “If it works for you, it can’t be wrong!” I have carried that message through my life in all I do and am. My own adventure into pleasure really began at 8 years old (story for another time) and into Conscious Relationships in 2013, where I have remained ever since, because it’s luscious and sumptuous! Hmmm, those words drip off the tongue! Oh la la! Conscious Relationships draw people towards you, even in disagreement, as they originate from a Heart-Centred place of love with no blame, shame, judgement, guilt or fear…. emotionally mature in fact; ”I love you and want you to be happy.” This is genuine love. Empowered love.
you cannot have true, long-lasting pleasure with others until you discover pleasure within. I don’t merely know this from my studies in Psychology, Divine Feminine, Sacred Masculine, Soul Connections, but have lived it all in my own relationships - divorce, dangerously toxic relationship with a sociopathic narcissist, along with a pattern I had to become consciously aware of before I could do the shadow work and seek professional healing. This is when I became super clear on the type of man I wanted in my life, wrote it down and was promptly delivered my Soul Twin! I actually had no idea there was such a thing until it happened, closely followed by Kundalini Awakening!
I am by no means the only woman engaged in this beautiful soulful way of life and work. There are thousands of us around the globe and more are awakening by the day. It is beautiful to witness, and I am blessed to not only be part of this life but have been gifted with guiding, The type of relationships we are taught from mentoring and leading other women … (now childhood look nothing like that. Why? Because men also, because they have been asking for a we are taught to look outside ourselves for long time, although I wasn’t ready for them until everything in life, therefore we believe, “I recently). love you therefore I want you to make me happy!” This is emotionally immature, placing And then there is PLEASURE … in and out of unrealistic expectations on another person! It’s the bedroom dear ones! This is probably my attachment love from the solar-plexus. favourite subject as Salsa Dance, Swimming, Water Sports, Horses, Tantra and Orgasmic You see, THE ONE IS YOU! Everything you do, Meditation with my man, Jewellery, Maxi be, are in life, begins and ends with you. You Dresses, Exotic Flowers, Therapeutic Grade create your own happiness and pleasure, or Essential Oils and Raw Dark Chocolate are my you create your own sadness and displeasure. life, literally … all bring me extreme pleasure for You have the power to create or destroy. different reasons, along with my son and family. The choice is yours; if the former, this means Have you ever had/experienced a ‘dancegasm’ stepping up to be a “good woman” not a “nice or ‘shoegasm’, a ‘chocolategasm’ or even a ‘fullgirl”. There is a big difference between the two body orgasm’? (for men also). I’d love to hear what brings you pleasure … It means taking responsibility for your be bold, be daring, be wicked! Anything and thoughts, feelings, actions, reactions at any everything is perfect and allowed. Have fun with and every given opportunity. Are you ready for it. Write your list – NOW! that? Believe me, the rewards are immense, very powerful and empowering. The best We females are built for pleasure. When Relationship you can have, is with yourself, ergo women are living their passions and have
Today’s Daring Woman
19
[ LIFE & LOVE ]
Returning to my original two questions, understanding your true core essence, balancing your masculine and feminine enables you to get to know yourself more intimately. Knowing yourself fully is the pathway to easily and lovingly communicate your desires to your partner with confidence, in your relationship and sex. We can all create Conscious Pleasurable Relationships. Self-love and Self-worth are not selfish. Quite the reverse when you come from a place of love, respect, dignity, authenticity, truth, and integrity. It’s known as Rising to our Queen/King, putting ourselves first with our needs and desires met, in order that we can be of service to others even more.
embodied their pleasure (self-pleasure too darlings), everyone around them lives in pleasure. The reverse is also true when a woman is not embodying her pleasure. You know I speak truth here … you’ve felt it, witnessed it and been in both scenarios yourself at some point. We all have. One of the most noticeable threads I have become aware of with all women (or my Deliciously Daring Sacred Rebels), is that we want MORE. More Pleasure & Va-Va-Voom! Vitality & Joie de Vivre! Freedom & Adventure! And we want more Sex … just not the sex that’s on the menu! We too need variety and it needs to last a lot longer than most men realise! Worry not, I have your requests and best interests at heart when working with Men and vice versa I might add!
20
Today’s Daring Woman
Otherwise we become depleted, exhausted, manifesting illness and injury, with therefore, nothing to give to others let alone ourselves. The world is in dire need of our true authentic power. The time is now. Do you dare to join us? TD W
HERE ’S TO S TRO N G W O ME N MAY WE KNOW THEM MAY WE BE THEM MAY WE RAISE THEM #IMADARINGWOMAN Today’s Daring Woman
21
[ LIFE & LOVE ]
10 1
Tips for Chaos by Callie Metler-Smith
2
Be Kind to Yourself
Pick One Thing and Make it Completely Your Own
It is so easy to take the weight of the world on your shoulders and handle it all. I used to have completely unrealistic expectations of myself, then get disappointed when I couldn’t do it all. The best gift you can give to yourself is to realize you don’t have to be everything to everyone.
3
4 Goddess Morning
The Goddess Morning is a real thing. I used to think people that got up any earlier than they had to were insane, but then I kept finding references to having selfdevelopment and reflection time in the morning. This doesn’t have to be elaborate. Just wake up an hour earlier, grab your favorite wake up drink and spend an hour with yourself. You will be happier and your kids will wake up to a smiling mom. Win-win!
22
Today’s Daring Woman
This seems simple, but as women we tend to always be held captive by a tiny army we made ourselves. My one thing is my writing time ritual. This involves spinach artichoke dip and chips, the movie Breakfast at Tiffany’s, my laptop, and usually a glass of white wine. My family knows if I’m in this writing bubble it is the total me time package and what they need will have to wait.
Planning
When the plan doesn’t work, find a new plan. I get it, I have a deeply dedicated planner heart. When a wrench is thrown into it, I can be a dragon lady. One of my employees said they swore I breathed fire when my internet crashed on press day. We all know life is not perfect and the best laid plans are ofteh the ones that get changed at the last minute. Take a deep breath, and reevaluate. Sometimes my “replan” has worked better than the original.
5
Check Your Attitude
Even though you don’t want to do something, somtimes you have to do it anyway. I recently had a road trip that I DID NOT want to take. Every fiber in my being revolted against the idea, but at the end of the day I still had to do it. The key is attitude, not the destination.
6
Pick One Thing to Do Today
Pick that one thing you are going to accomplish today. My experience is the best things were not completed in a day, they were often results of weeks or months of doing smaller items to get there. What is that one project you are dying to get done? Can you do one thing to get you closer to it?
7
Inner Critic
Don’t believe the inner critic. This might possibly be the hardest item on the list. We all have that inner gremlin that undermines everything we are trying to do. This is the voice that reminds you of what you could have done vs. what you did. Learn to put a piece of duct tape across the inner voice’s mouth.
8
Ask for Help
When you confront your massive to do list, learn to delegate some items. I know this is scary, but outsourcing can help us focus where we need to.
9
Take It
10
When someone offfers you something, take it. I’m not very good at accepting things, but recently someone told me that the next time someone offered me something to say thank you and enjoy it. THat next thing was tickets to a Broadway play. I embraced the gift and the giver and enjoyed the tickets. What experiences are you missing because you are afraid to say yes?
Learn to Enjoy A flower doesn’t look at the flower next to it to dictate how big it blooms. Comparison can be the stealer of joy. Love the family and friends in your life and don’t worry about what things other people are doing. You are living the best version of your own life.
Today’s Daring Woman
23
wellness
HEALTH &
24
Today’s Daring Woman
secret to
SUCCESS by Fitness + Empowerment Coach, Amanda Gazzola
To start us off on the right foot with fitness, first I want to tell you the number one secret to getting results from a fitness program. It’s called consistency! The absolute most important part of training to get into shape is just staying CONSISTENT. No matter where you are starting from, it is crucial that you follow a plan. If you are starting at the gym, commit to going 3 times per week NO MATTER WHAT. This is more important than the specific plan you follow or the exercises you choose to complete. At this point focus on actually getting yourself into the gym! Consistency is a key factor to success in
in life, training is no different. I have found that over years of training and trying to find balance,the best thing you can do is schedule time for yourself. It sounds selfish, but its not. The reason is that the more time you invest in yourself the more you will be able to do for other people. The energy that you will have will be endless. You will feel great. Make it known that you are trying to achieve a goal and that you have to make time for it. Committing to a fitness regimen means mapping out a plan for an activity or a series
Today’s Daring Woman
25
[ HEALTH & WELLNESS ]
going to feel needed is so important! I know this because I used to do my workouts either right after work or on lunch break. For some people this may seem fine, but I always felt like they were the least impactful workouts because you would be constantly thinking about the to-do list when you got home, or you have a friend or family coming for dinner, etc. Planning time for yourself can seem like a chore or you’re being selfish. But when you realize how much better you feel and your new, balanced, relaxed and go with the flow type of attitude, you will see that taking care of yourself is just as important as taking care of your family and/or love ones. Positive energy, creates a positive life. When you want to feel a certain way the effect of positiveness creates an open energy that just puts more happiness in your life and people NOTICE! of activities that can be done with consistency. For some people, it is common to become energized about working out and jump right in without developing a truly well thought out plan for the next week, month or 6 months. A well thought out fitness plan will go a long way in helping you reach your goals. To achieve consistency, you will want to think about the types of exercise that you can do on a regular basis and will want to exercise at least three to four times per week for the best results. It doesn’t have to all be going to the gym. It can be going for a hike, yoga, bike ride, HITT workout, dance class) It is important to schedule your workout in a time that is the LEAST busy for you. Usually this means scheduling your workouts either EARLY in the morning or LATE at night. I feel that it is better to train when you are not needed or disrupted on a continuous basis. This avoids the feelings of guilt that you are needed somewhere else. Remember, you are using this time to take care of yourself! You are worth it!! Scheduling those workouts when you are not
26
Today’s Daring Woman
Now that you have an idea of when you can plan your workouts, its important that you understand how consistency is important for your physical fitness goals. For optimal results, you will want to build up to higher and higher levels of cardiovascular strength, flexibility and strength training. A gradual increase in intensity will allow your muscles, tendons and ligaments a chance to adjust to the strains and challenges of a fitness routine. You will be sore after your first week of sessions, but your body will adapt as long as you stay consistent! A consistent workout regimen also reduces stress and increases your mental well being. When you work out regularly, your body releases endorphins that enhance your mood! I am sure many of you have felt so much better after playing a sport or completing a fitness class! Also some of you might also find that when you go for days or weeks of not exercising, your energy level goes down and you become easily agitated or depressed! Sticking to a regular exercise routine will keep you feeling energized and happy both physically and mentally. TD W
Lower Leg Blast
A Great Intensity Lower Butt Workout That Gets Your Metabolism Revved Up To start off do 2-3 sets. Work your way up to 5-6 sets.
Goblet Squats (3x10) • Stand holding a light kettlebell by the horns close to your chest. This will be your squatting position. • Squat down between your legs until your hamstrings are on your calves. • At the bottom position, pause and use your elbows to push your knees out.
Squat Jumps (3x10) • Stand with your feet shoulder-width apart. • Start by doing a regular squat, keep your core tight and jump up explosively. When you land, lower your body back into the squat position to complete one rep. Land softly on your feet and repeat again (weight optional)
Walking Lunges (3x10) • To begin stand with your feet shoulder width apart and your hands on your hips. Step forward with one leg, flexing the knees to drop your hips. • Lower your back knee until it nearly touches the ground. • Keep your upper body upright and your front knee should stay above the front foot. Make sure your knee does not go over your toes. Today’s Daring Woman
27
[ HEALTH & WELLNESS ]
Side Shuffles Back and Forth (3x50 meters) • The Shuffle exercise is a lateral motion that warms up your glutes, hip flexors, quads, calves and hamstrings. Keeping a steady/ intensity pace
Fire Hydrants (3x10 each) • Position yourself on your hands and knees on the ground. • Keep the knee in a bent position, abduct the femur, moving your knee away from the midline of the body. Pause at the top of the motion, and then slowly return to the starting position.
Wall Sit (1 min x 3) • Stand with your back pressing against a wall. • Slide downward into a squat position by moving your feet forward until your knees make a 90-degree angle and your hamstrings are parallel to the floor
Mountain Climbers (3x20 secs) • Get in a push-up position with your arms straight and your body in a straight line from your head to your ankles. • Without changing the posture of your lower back (it should be arched), raise your right knee toward your chest and alternate and repeat.
28
Today’s Daring Woman
(this could be you) Interested in advertising with us? Go to daringwomaninc.com/advertise Today’s Daring Woman
29
[ HEALTH & WELLNESS ]
Get Out of Your Own Head
by Kathleen Rubio
All too often we, as moms, tend to put others’ priorities before our own. Ask yourself, “How many ‘hats’ do I wear?” Mom, wife, entrepreneur, employee, Girl Guide leader, soccer coach, the list goes on… With this many hats, your mind starts to wander to things that don’t always involve YOU or sometimes to the negative aspects of your life. Is there a hat that says “Time for me”? When was the last time you stopped to take time for yourself, to put a little time into something you wanted to do
30
Today’s Daring Woman
for yourself? As a mom, we do everything we can to keep our family healthy. But how are those habits working for YOU? As a busy mom your focus is not always on YOU… between preparing snacks for the little ones, to nap times, to play dates, to every day chores and errands that need to be done in between it all. You are trying to keep it all together and think you are doing a pretty good job… until that moment those little voices in your head come to light. Those conversations you had with
the other moms at soccer practice or at the play date. How often have you heard “my kids nap at the same time every day for 2 hours each time” or “my kids eat everything I give them” or (my favourite) “my house is a mess”… when you know it really isn’t! Your mind then starts to wander and wonder what you can do differently, what you are doing wrong. You are doing NOTHING wrong! Your first instinct is to compare yourself (and your life) to others. If that’s the case… STOP!!! Get out of your head what you think your life is supposed to look like! Get out of your head what you think is wrong with your life! From now on,
focus on what you DO have, what you are grateful for, and what you LOVE about your life and your family. No one else’s opinion matters about what you do with your life! Stop letting your mind wander, wondering what others will think about you if you live a certain way, dress a certain way, or eat/exercise a certain way. Eliminate all judgements and take a deep breath. Here are 6 things you can start doing now to get out of your own head, to stop letting your mind wander:
1 Stay Positive It’s hard sometimes, but it’s important to stay positive even when you feel everything is upside down. Stay positive that things will work out, that everything will come together in time. At the end of the day, what harm will come if, for example, the laundry isn’t put away immediately or the dishes have been in the sink all day. Just think of the fun you had with the kids that day, the smiles on their faces, and the sounds of their laughter. Those are the little things that can help you get through your day. One way to re-assure you on these positive thoughts is to take some time in the evenings to write in a journal. Write down 5 things you are grateful for and 5 things that went well in your day.
2 Don’t Compare Yourself to Others The worst thing you can do is compare yourself to others, whether it’s your physical activity routine, your eating habits, or your everyday “mom life”. You and your life are perfect just the way they are! What works for you does not always work for someone else. Everyone acts and reacts differently to everything in life. It may be frustrating sometimes when you hear how well someone else is doing on their healthy habits… but that’s what works for them. Only you can make the best possible choices for your health and your life. When you are ready to make those changes and you are in the right mindset to make those changes a reality, then everything will fall into place.
Today’s Daring Woman
31
[ HEALTH & WELLNESS ]
3 Be Mindful Give yourself permission! Permission to love your body. Permission to treat yourself to a coffee and a nice book. Permission to take time for yourself without feeling guilty. I, like many moms out there, struggle with taking time for me. For being “in the moment”. For not putting myself on my own list of priorities. Be mindful of what is actually going on in the present time and the importance of the same. Focus on putting attention on the positive aspects of your life and the power of being grateful of what you have right now. Being mindful is especially important when you are spending time with your kids (they grow up fast!). One thing you can do is plan a weekly family activity. It can be simply outside in your backyard or a walk to the park or having a picnic.
4 Be Confident When you start to believe in yourself, you exude confidence. Think about the common excuses you make on a daily basis as to why you don’t want to do something. For example, taking your kids to the pool and not feeling comfortable to wear a bathing suit (comparing yourself to others). Even though you have been making some positive changes in your life, you are not quite where you want to be just yet… so you start limiting yourself on what you do (for yourself and with your family). Start putting emphasis on changing those negative thought processes into positive statements. Start believing you can do anything you set your mind to and the confidence will start rolling in. Positive statements can quickly change your mindset and your confidence.
5 Don’t Strive for Perfection No one is perfect! No matter what anyone says or thinks! Not everyone has it all together, despite what they want you to believe. Live your life and make healthy choices for you that are most suitable for your lifestyle. When you are making any type of change to your lifestyle, set goals that are realistic for YOU. Break those goals down into smaller more manageable pieces, and focus on one baby-step at a time. You can’t do it all at once and make it perfect, but you can take one step at a time and focus on completing that one step before moving on to the next.
32
Today’s Daring Woman
Today’s Daring Woman
32
6 Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff Do you get stressed out if something doesn’t go as planned during your day? Many moms would say yes! But that’s one habit you have to get out of. Sometimes the smallest of things can be stressful, from the kids not napping for a long time… or at all, to not getting everything done that you wanted to get done, to buying drive-through meals for the kids because it’s been a busy day of errands. Life happens sometimes and you can’t let these small, sometimes stressful things, get in our mind. Not every day is going to go as planned and that’s ok. One day of poor eating choices or no physical activity will do little harm on your health, as long as these days are few and far between and they don’t become a habit. Nor will one day of your kids having a treat or your home being a little messy have little harm on your overall well-being. Enjoy every moment of your day and (as my 3 year old sings daily) “Let it go”! Not all positive health changes need to start at the beginning of the week. If something didn’t start as planned today, there is always tomorrow! The best you can do is be yourself. Be inspired to learn and grow and be confident in the choices and decisions you make. It’s not about how much you have (materialistic or monetary) or what car you drive or what classes or school your children are attending. If you have the money to hire a maid to clean your home or a babysitter to watch your kids a couple times a week, that’s great. But it you don’t, that’s great too. If you want to make a change
for your health and your family’s health, then take one step at a time. Make one change at a time. And make your lifestyle your own. If a healthy lifestyle change is what you desire, get into your own routine that suits your lifestyle, be grateful with what you have and what you can do, and focus on taking one baby step at a time in order to reach your ultimate health goals. TD W
Empowered Women Empower Women. #IMADARINGWOMAN Today’s Daring Woman
33
q SHOW SOME
LOVE Take a selfie with your magazine and share it on social media #daringwoman @IMADARINGWOMAN 34
Today’s Daring Woman
Step Into Your Own Power by Sylvia Salow
There is nothing that can stop a woman standing firmly in her inner power. Such a woman is unbounded, wild, intense, and potent beyond a measure. Any woman can tap into her inner heroine.
The word power is usually negatively correlated with exerting someone’s will over another person. In our minds, we often link power with control and manipulation. That’s one of the reasons why women fear power.
In fact, our time is more ripe to see women standing in their power than any other time in the history.
Historically, women haven’t been allowed to step into their power visibly. Thus we were forced to play manipulative games behind the scenes. One of the tools for achieving our goals has been using our physical beauty. A woman who has charmed the right man could
Will you answer the call?
Today’s Daring Woman
35
[ HEALTH & WELLNESS ]
have lived her life through him by shaping him into her will. These intrigues have also damaged the relationship of one woman to another. In order to ensure the attention of a man, women have been malicious to each other and try to denigrate the “competition” in the eyes of the desired man. This is a typical story of a princess who is waiting for her prince to save her one day. And only then she can live a happy and fulfilling life. But what would happen if the princess saved herself instead? Women have been trained to give their power away and live their lives through someone else. Yet now is the time to recreate our relationship to power. True power comes from within. It’s the selfmastery and ability to dive deep into yourself and with your innermost self. Nothing outside of us can make us feel fulfilled. We’re the final destination that we so much crave for. Once we recognize this fact, we can build heaven on Earth. A woman in her inner power has bountiful facets. She can be wild and brave like the Greek goddess Artemis who was the divine huntress. Or she can be mysterious and deep like the Egyptian goddess Isis. Every woman is unique in her essence. Therefore, when she says yes to her uniqueness, she taps into embodying her true self. My favorite facet of a woman is the warrior of light. She is a woman deeply connected with life and the Universe. She feels the fire burning in her chest and light pouring out of her palms. She is committed to her life mission, and nothing can divert her from her grand vision. A warrior of light is only responsible for herself and her soul. Thus she flows fluidly over any obstacle because she doesn’t worship fears but sheds her light on them. At any moment, unlimited strength is available to you. You always have inner power and can never run away from it. The only question is
36
Today’s Daring Woman
how smart do you use it? Will you abandon your dreams when life gets difficult? Or do you create the life which you were meant to live? Nothing can make your inner voice go away. You’ll always hear the whispers in your heart telling you that now is time and you’re enough. It’s time to take the lead in every area of your life and live it to the fullest of your abilities. You don’t need to let others decide for you. Nor it’s necessary to keep yourself from shining brightly because you’d make someone else feel insecure. Deep inside you know that you’re capable of much more than you currently say out loud. Reconnect with your wildest dreams and regain confidence. There is a beautiful synergy when women support each other. Women who bit-bybit are shedding their wounded skin are the ones who create a ripple effect in their environments. Women who dare to be vulnerable and to pursue their dreams uplift others. After all, we all wait for permission to live our lives the way we want to. Thus when you step into your inner power, you don’t do it just for yourself. You also do it for others. Remember that when you lose confidence and the selfdoubts creep in. It’s not just about you. It’s also about your sisters, children, partners, friends, and the society. The society changes when there are more loving and daring women. For these women don’t just care for themselves but they also care for others. Yet, not from the place of exhaustion, but from the place of letting their inner light shine brightly. If you struggle in any area, the solution lies in stepping into your inner power and owning your truest self. You’re meant to shine and inspire the world around you. For that reason, you receive beautiful visions and dreams. You’re meant to act on them and not hide in the backstage of your life. TD W
How To Not Need Help From #MeToo
The Project
by Mark Kahn
Today’s Daring Woman
37
[ HEALTH & WELLNESS ] If you are interested in personal growth, then one of the most powerful questions you can ask yourself is, “How is the power distributed in my relationships?” Meaning, are you disempowered, overpowering, or standing in the middle position? Which is more powerful?
38
I want to address just one aspect of the issue here; how to rectify this power imbalance. There is an amazing line in the movie, The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo.
Women have been discriminated against by men since time immemorial, treating them as sex objects, the bearers of their children and vassals to serve at their bidding.
A psychopath lures the hero into his house. The hero knows that this is a bad idea, that the psychopath is dangerous, but his desire to be polite overrides his fear and while he (the hero) is being tortured, the psychopathic torturer says this incredible, deeply insightful line,
The modern organisation is the male predators ‘playground’ - and a fair proportion of men love to dominate and abuse women.
“It’s hard to believe that the fear of offending can be stronger than the fear of pain. But you know what, it is.”
The #MeToo movement has drawn this issue into dramatic focus. The abuse of women recently publicised has become the call sign for alerting and highlighting us to the power imbalances between men and women, in a way that has never before been seen – hats off to #MeToo and social media.
This is the ultimate definition of disempowerment.
Today’s Daring Woman
We are programmed to make peace at all costs, no matter how much pain it causes us. When we do this, we betray ourselves. The remedy for this betrayal is to ask yourself
many people confuse the letting go of an emotion with action
the following question.
right wing comments that are racist and sexist.
In this moment can I see my desire to pacify and rescue and be ‘nice’. Is at the cost of my future pain?
Your job is to notice your anxiety at ‘outing’ them, at taking them on when they do this and to begin to oppose them.
If you do this often enough, you will stop betraying yourself for the sake of peace. You might also begin to support other women when you see this happening to them.
If you do it with aggression, you are more likely to lose the battle. It’s very tricky, learning to be oppositional and respectful, light and firm, powerful and dignified at the same time.
If you don’t want to offend others, if you are too concerned with the fear of conflict and rejection and what your image looks like to the world, you are in big trouble, because the exploiters will sniff you out and massacre you.
For example, while sitting in a meeting, a woman may find that some of the male attendees engage in sexist “banter”. While her immediate reaction may be one of indignation, expressing herself in an angry manner is unlikely to be very productive. A better option would be to calmly interject along the lines of: “Excuse me, but I don’t think that’s funny or appropriate. Could you please refrain from making those sort of remarks?”
What women need to do is be very, very aware of the ways in which men exercise their dominance. These men usually do this right from the moment they meet you. They will ignore you or flirt subtly with you, they will make jokes which demean women, they will make undermining,
In such a scenario, one could make one’s point succinctly, making it clear that one will not tolerate unacceptable behaviour, but
Today’s Daring Woman
39
[ HEALTH & WELLNESS ]
without escalating the situation into an all-out argument or conflict which, in this case, would derail the meeting. When I do this work with my clients, I teach them how to balance, softness with power. You can transform your life when you do it. Part of the difficulty in dealing with and managing sexual inappropriateness is that HR departments tend to focus on policies and procedures and ways of bringing perpetrators to justice rather than on upskilling women who are discriminated against, teaching them to be more empowered so that they can manage the abuse more effectively in the moment. I’m not saying that policies and procedures aren’t important, what I am saying is that they should come second to building empowerment in women. Much of my work over the years as a corporate consultant has involved teaching people how to be more effective and powerful in managing their relationships. When I work with clients on these issues, two core elements of my process are Awareness and Mental & Emotional Releasing.
#1 - AWARENESS Becoming aware of the ways in which you – often unconsciously – condone discriminatory behaviour. Let me illustrate this. You are sitting in a meeting and the autocrat/ abuser makes a sexist joke. The men laugh. What do the women do? Some laugh openly, some laugh in a suppressed way – thinking, “I don’t want to laugh at this, I’m condoning his behaviour, but I’m frightened of looking oppositional, or of making myself boundaried and powerful.”
40
Today’s Daring Woman
Others fidget uncomfortably, looking away, not laughing or smiling but too scared to put on a face that says, “This is not funny and jokes like this are unacceptable.” All of the above involve pacifying the aggressor, which is giving ones power away to them. I would like to share an incredibly important insight that I learned from Dr John F. Demartini around this issue. Demartini says, “If you are disempowered, you will invite someone in to overpower you.” This is incredibly important, because it points to the necessity of those women discriminated against to notice the many ways in which they express disempowered behaviour, so that they can change this and stop the discrimination. A colleague of mine recently mentioned some research which showed that politeness in women increases the possibility of sexual harassment, ‘the fear of offending’ comes to mind again. The point is, there are many subtle signs and cues that tell the abuser that they can continue to get away with this and one needs to learn to stop doing this. Demartini’s comment is not designed to condone inappropriate or discriminatory behaviour. It simply points toward the likelihood of discrimination being more predictable where the subject of the discrimination is disempowered.
#2 - MENTAL & EMOTIONAL RELEASING The second core element that needs to be worked on, is learning to let go of the emotions and the belief systems that obstruct the creation of a powerful boundary; anxiety, guilt, anger, hurt etc. Of course anger can
When you get stuck, i.e. you can’t release a problematic emotion fully, ask yourself “What is the belief that might be preventing me from doing so.” For example: “I can’t release my resistance to an autocrat because I believe that releasing the feeling is condoning their behaviour.” Again, notice that releasing has nothing to do with behaviour. Your ability to manage autocrats will get better when you release your resistance to them! The reason for this is that releasing anger and hurt – resistance – enables you to relax and this relaxation will enable you to be more creative and skilful and wise in your dealings with the autocrat. This is counterintuitive because we tend to think in all or nothing terms – thinking that there are only two opposite extremes. I call this a Binary Error: I’m either passive or aggressive – Assertive is in the middle. So, where do we go from here?
often be useful to counteract the abuse of power but excessive anger lacks control and often inhibits the ability to put into practice the third skill. The more you have let go of the negative emotions, the more skilful you are likely to be. Many people confuse the letting go of an emotion with action. They are two entirely separate issues. Letting go of an emotion enables more skillful action! So, for example, if someone in the organisation is bullying you, it is likely that holding onto your anxiety and anger is in the way of enabling you to respond skilfully and powerfully. Letting go enables skill, wisdom and power to emerge. And when you feel calm you can manage the situation skilfully.
Transforming oneself from disempowered to empowered is certainly attainable and requires some work. And you can start right now, by recognising the power balances in your key relationships and identifying those cases which requiring action on your part. You can also increase your awareness of situations involving bullying, intimidation and discrimination, becoming more alert to the need to tackle these situations in a calm and non-aggressive manner. Then, by letting go of the emotions involved, especially extreme anger or fear, you will be better placed to act skilfully in dealing with the situation. The transformation may not be smooth, but for those who are able to implement the above techniques, the rewards are great, leading to a healthier work environment as well as improved self-esteem, confidence and peace of mind. TD W
Today’s Daring Woman
41
reading
EMPOWERED EMPOWERED READING
42
Today’s Daring Woman
f
10 Titles To Pick Up
The Marriage Junkie Kicking Your Obsession by Sherry Gaba
I’ve Been Thinking...
Reflections, Prayers, and Meditations for a Meaningful Life by Maria Shriver
Girl, Wash Your Face
Stop Believing the Lies About Who You Are So You Can Become Who You Were Meant to Be by Rachel Hollis
NOW!
Gym Unicorns Don’t Eat Entire Cheesecakes from Costco My 6 Remarkably Unremarkable Tips for Staying Healthy After Weight Loss
Get Over It!
Prayers and Affirmations for Healing the Hard Stuff by Iyanla Vanzant
by Megan McClain
This is Me
Loving the Person You Are Today by Chrissy Metz
43
Today’s Daring Woman
Skinny, Fat, Perfect
Love Who You See in the Mirror by Laura Fenamore
Eat What You Love, Love What You Eat
#BELIEVE DAMMIT
How to Break Your Eat-Repent-Repeat Cycle
10 Principles for Attracting and Creating the Life You Crave
by Michelle May
by Mari Suggs
Dear Fear
20 Powerful Lessons on Living Your Best Life on the Other Side of Fear by Tiana Patrice
Today’s Daring Woman
43
Book Reviews
The Marriage Junkie: Kicking Your Obsession by Sherry Gaba Marriage addicts are so in love with love that they continually move from one relationship to another, always on the rebound, never giving themselves time to heal and learn how to be independent. They marry again and again, just to avoid feeling lonely—or worse, to avoid feeling “abnormal.” The Marriage Junkie will address all of these issues and how we approach love and marriage.
I’ve Been Thinking...Reflections, Prayers, and Meditations for a Meaningful Life by Maria Shriver I’ve Been Thinking... is ideal for anyone at any point in her life. Whether you feel like you’ve got it all together or like it’s all falling apart--whether you’re taking stock of your life or simply looking to recharge, this is the book you will turn to again and again. It’s the perfect daily companion for someone looking to move forward in life with hope and grace.
Girl, Wash Your Face: Stop Believing the Lies About Who You Are so You Can Become Who You Were Meant to Be by Rachel Hollis In this challenging and inspiring new book, Rachel exposes the twenty lies and misconceptions that too often hold us back from living joyfully and productively, lies we’ve told ourselves so often we don’t even hear them anymore.
Gym Unicorns Don’t Eat Entire Cheesecakes From Costco: My 6 Remarkebly Unremarkable Tips for Staying Healthy After Weight Loss by Megan McClain Have you ever wanted to read the totally unqualified health and weight loss advice from someone you’ve never met? Then why not fork over the pocket change to read Megan McClain’s six tips on how she popped a cap in her cravings and kept off 80 pounds for over three years? From making small changes to shifting her self-perception (a.k.a. brainwashing herself), McClain takes a humorous and irreverent approach to recounting the strategies that worked for her.
44
Today’s Daring Woman
In today’s turbulent climate, we have become disconnected from our personal power, the intuitive light created by our autonomous thoughts. Through Get Over It!, a prayer book with a therapeutic underpinning, Iyanla offers practical tools so we can transmute the dominant negative thought patterns that threaten our sanity and spirituality on a daily basis.
Book Reviews
Get Over It! Prayers and Affirmations for Healing the Hard Stuff by Iyanla Vanzant
This is Me: Loving the Person You Are Today by Chrissy Metz In This is Me, Chrissy Metz shares her story with a raw honesty that will leave readers both surprised but also inspired. Infused with the same authenticity she brings to her starring role, Chrissy’s This is Me is so much more than your standard Hollywood memoir or collection of personal essays. Chrissy finds light in even her darkest moments, and leaves the reader feeling they are spending time with a friend who gets it.
Skinny, Fat, Perfect: Love Who You See in the Mirror by Laura Fenamore Part memoir, part road map, and whole-heartedly designed to help readers approach healthy body image and weight release from a different perspective, this book is not a diet or an exercise regime. It’s a guide for returning to self-love, healing old wounds, and being happy in your body at any size or age. It’s time to abandon the popular fear-based and fight-oriented diet paradigm, and instead see how accepting ourselves and our bodies will lead to natural, healthy, and sustainable weight.
Eat What You Love, Love What You Eat: How to Break Your Eat-Repent-Repeat Cycle by Michelle May No more rigid rules, strict exercise regimens, questionable drugs, or food substitutes. This book will soon have you eating the foods you love without fear, without guilt, and without bingeing. Create the healthy, energetic, and vibrant life you deserve.
Today’s Daring Woman
45
Book Reviews
#BELIEVE DAMMIT: 10 Principles for Attracting and Creating the Life You Crave by Mari Suggs Learn the basic principles needed to make long-lasting and effective changes that will lead you to a more fulfilling life. By applying these 10 simple principles you will begin to transform your daily habits, learn how to create life on purpose, set and achieve goals, and most importantly, you will learn to dream BIG. Suggs’ mantra is that as long as you BELIEVE, you can have anything your heart desires.
Dear Fear: 20 Powerful Lessons on Living Your Best Life on the Other Side of Fear by Tiana Patrice Dear Fear was created to give you the strategies and tools you need to answer those questions, and create a plan of action to move beyond your fear, and into your greatness. Visionary author, Tiana Patrice, has gathered 20 women, from all walks of life, to tell you their stories of courage, resilience and what it looks like to replace fear with faith, and Activate Your FearLESS. Now is the time to stand up to fear! Are you ready?
Losing It: The Semi-Scandelous Story of an Ex-Virgin by Danielle Sepulveres
Who knew first love would be such a pain in the hoo-ha? I had expected all the traditional insecurities that go along with losing the V-card: Will he respect me afterwards? Do I look fat without any clothes on? Can he tell I have no idea what I’m doing? What I didn’t expect was a phone call from my doctor, a conversation about cervical cancer, and almost two years of constant doctors’ appointments and procedures. Follow me as I navigate the road to recovery—both emotionally and physically—with bad dates, good friends, and some time on my therapist’s couch. Welcome to my semi-scandalous life.
You Are Worth It: Even When You Believe Otherwise by Julee Hunt After growing up in an abusive home, being raped, losing a lucrative career, surviving a life-pausing illness, and experiencing a near financial collapse, she had a choice to let that define her as an unworthy person or defy the odds. She chose the latter and details her spiritual journey from unworthiness to evolving with confidence, self-love, and yes, worthiness. What is one thing in your life that would change if you decided to ignite your worthiness and believe in yourself? This awareness could mark the beginning of a completely different life for you—one in which you know you are worthy of all you desire. This book gives you the knowledge and tools to deepen your own self-worth and empowers you to take the journey to what is your birthright – Infinite Worthiness!
46
Today’s Daring Woman
Hoda: How I Survived War Zones, Bad Hair, Cancer, and Kathie Lee by Hoda Kotb
Hoda Kotb grew up in two cultures—one where summers meant playing at the foot of the ancient pyramids and another where she had to meet her junior prom date at the local 7-Eleven to spare them both the wrath of her conservative Egyptian parents. She’s traveled the globe for network television, smuggling videotapes in her shoes and stepping along roads riddled with land mines. She’s weathered the devastation of Hurricane Katrina, and a personal Category 5 as well: divorce and breast cancer in the same year. And if that’s not scary enough, she then began cohosting the fourth hour of Today with Kathie Lee Gifford.
Return to Life: Finding Your Way Back to Balance and Bliss in a Stressed-Out World by Pam Butler Everyone has their own story to tell. Some are more traumatic than others, but the larger truth is that everyone has faced hardship. None of us is alone in this. But the darkest of times provide some of the best opportunities to learn, grow, and change our lives for the better. Pam Butler shares wisdom that can be applied universally, no matter the challenge. Each chapter contains a practical takeaway, forming part of a ‘Bliss Toolbox’: the practices that will help you not only survive difficult times, but use the experiences to bring greater purpose and fulfillment to your life.
What Your Clutter is Trying to Tell You: Uncover the Message in the Mess and Reclaim Your Life by Kerri L. Richardson With a practical, warm, and welcoming approach, intuitive life and business coach Kerri Richardson guides you to accept your clutter as a natural manifestation of your mind, body, and spirit looking out for yourself. It is your soul calling out for you invest in self-care and to face the fears holding you back from being your best self. Richardson dives into the most common categories of physical clutter and provides efficient and effective steps for clearing the space for your physical, mental, and spiritual well-being to flourish. But more than house and home, Richardson encourages you to clear out the clutter of relationships and habits that have been occupying your time and energy for too long.
Today’s Daring Woman
47
Today’s DARING Woman by Tracey Osborne
48
Today’s Daring Woman
I remember the day I met Emmett. I owned an animal rescue and was at the animal shelter to pick up a very pregnant girl, so she wouldn’t give birth there.
her hind end into the yard.
I walked by him and saw his kennel had a warning that he was a biter. That means no chance at adoption, just euthanization. I stopped and saw this beautiful, white American Bulldog cowering. He didn’t look very mean. So, I stood there for a moment and waited. Every so slowly he made his way over to the front. As I spoke softly to him, I realized…Emmett was deaf. I reached my hand in and began to pet him. This “biter” turned to putty. This mean, vicious animal that they were going to put down wasn’t a biter. Sure, maybe he snapped at the handlers. He was in puppy jail. I’d snap too. The fact of the matter is, the boy was deaf. He was terrified. He didn’t understand what was happening. Needless to say, he came home with me and the pregnant momma (who incidentally had 10 adorable puppies in my kids’ bedroom). All found wonderful homes. Then there was my Macy J. Oh, that sweet girl. Over 100lbs of smiling love just waiting to maul you with kisses. When I was contacted about her, animal control had found her on the side of the road. She’d been dumped. As they approached her, the reason became clear. Macy couldn’t walk. The officers and staff instantly fell in love with her. Someone fashioned a rickety wheelchair for her and she stayed at the vet’s office because they did not want to put her into the system. I drove over an hour to go pick her up. I brought this gigantic, teddy bear home with me. The wheelchair she had was horrible. I had a hard time getting her into it, her feet would drag. It sucked. Taking her to the bathroom, I’d use a towel as a sling to carry
The vet said she’d never get better. I got her a new wheelchair. Six months later, she was walking, running and playing as if she’d never had any issues. That girl stole my heart and anyone around her. We’d take her to the park and the kids would fawn over her. Of course, she did not mind that a bit! We had to put her down a few years later due to cancer. She died while smiling and giving me kisses as I held her and cried. Zeus came to me as a stray with his sister Hera. They were a beautiful pair of brindle pit bulls. Zeus had a nasty infection on his leg from a brown recluse spider bite. While I tended his wounds, we searched for owners, only to be told that someone witnessed them being dumped in my area. Zeus underwent surgery to remove the necrosis. Several weeks later, he was back in action playing fetch and wrestling with Hera. Zeus was adopted and eventually became a trained service dog.
Today’s Daring Woman
49
[ COVER STORY ]
When I met Duke, his owner was at her wits end. Another dog who couldn’t walk. Duke was a miniature dachshund who was overweight and had a compressed disc in his back. So, we hooked him up with a set of wheels and off he went! The arrangement was that I would work with him and see about getting him back to normal and he could go home.
I’m the person who will stand up to your bully because you can’t. I’m the person who will face your fears with you, so you can overcome them. I’m the person who wants so desperately to see you succeed. I’ve been there. I’ve been homeless. I’ve been abused. I’ve been a single mom. I’ve been broke. I’ve been well off. I’ve been lost.
Duke also had very little control over his bathroom habits. I tried the whole diaper thing…huge fail. Then a few months later, Duke started walking again. It’s amazing how a set of wheels to strengthen his back and a diet to lose weight put this boy back in action. I sent him home. A month later they called me to come get him. He was miserable. I went over to see what was up and found him cowering under a bed at the far end where they couldn’t reach him. All it took was for me to walk in and say, “Where’s my Dukey?” and he came running. I suspect that he suffered abuse there because he still had accidents. Duke came home with me and enjoyed his position as my personal bug killer until it was time to cross the Rainbow Bridge. This is the visionary behind Daring Woman. A woman who sees the potential in those scorned and turned away by others.
50
Today’s Daring Woman
Defeated. Scared. Hopeless. That is why I started Daring Woman. You are amazing. You really are. No matter what life has tossed your way, you’ve overcome it. You’ve lived through it. My job, my mission…is to help you realize your beautiful, bold, amazing self. To help you find that sense of purpose, sense of direction. To reclaim your passion and put that light back in your eyes. And most of all, to help you become a woman so strong, so confident that people will take one look at you and say, “Now she’s got it going on. I want to follow her. I want to know how she does what she does. I want her on my side.” You aren’t alone my friend. I don’t care what
you have going on in your world. YOU. ARE. NOT. ALONE. You have me on your side. You have the entire Daring Woman community on your side. Thousands of women worldwide who are here to love you, show you support, give you guidance and friendship. Do me a favor, go look in the mirror. Go… What do you see? I’m sure you can name off 5 imperfections right off the top of your head, right? Let me tell you what I see. I see pride. I see power. I see beauty. I see strength. Love, friendship, joy, passion…that all is inside you and I can see it. I can see it in you. Why? Because I believe in you. You are my inspiration. Yes, YOU. You my friend, are Today’s Daring Woman. TD W
About Tracey Meet Tracey Osborne. A rape and domestic abuse survivor, Tracey is on a mission to empower women on a global scale. No longer a silent victim, Tracey is using her voice to make an impact and encourage others to do the same. Daring Woman is a social impact organization that harnesses the power of media to help women find their voice and become unstoppable. Tracey’s visions is to build a sanctuary...a safe haven for women to come and share their stories of inspiration, heartache, love, wisdom and experience with others and know that their words are helping others. A place where women can come and get the advice, knowledge and guidance they need to become the Daring Woman they’ve always dreamed about being.
Today’s Daring Woman
51
Give a Little
Change a Life. The Daring Woman Project is a sanctuary...a safe haven for women to come and share their stories of inspiration, heartache, love, wisdom and experience with others and know that their words are helping others.
DARING WOMAN PROJECT
A place where women can come and get the advice, knowledge and guidance they need to become the Daring Woman they’ve always dreamed about being. We welcome you with open arms. Join us today.
thedaringwomanproject.org
52
Today’s Daring Woman
.
Step Up Take Charge by Dee Wallace OK, women, it’s time to step up. Make a decision. Walk out the door. TAKE ACTION. You can’t do any of the above if you aren’t daring. Period. Choice and action take guts. Choice and action take courage. Choice and action take knowing. Holding yourself in doubt will never allow you to be daring. In order to move into knowing, and consistently hold yourself in that space, you have to drop to your heart for answers and guidance. We are trained to go to our minds for “logical guidance and answers.” However, the very purpose of your mind is to doubt and question, which is the opposite of Knowing. The Creation Pattern should be: What do I really want? Let me drop into my heart to feeeeeeeeeeel that. Tell my brain to create it. Then move into How Can I? And that’s the beginning of being daring! So that sounds simple, right? Why, then, is it so damn hard to move out into that Superwoman place we all want to play in? Because our little girls are scared. Our little girls are screaming very quietly inside of us, “Don’t go there! Don’t do that! It’s not safe...you’re not smart enough... they won’t like you...you’ll never get a husband...a woman’s place is in the home...God doesn’t like powerful people... the meek inherit the earth...you don’t know
how...you aren’t educated enough”, etc., etc. etc. And those are just the WORDS with which most of us were limited. Look at your childhood and see what was modeled to you within the family, church and society. What did you WITNESS that taught you belief systems around being a daring woman? My God, all we have to do is pull up some of the songs and TV shows from the 50’s, 60’s and even 70’s. Women worked at home. Period. You were looked down upon if you “weren’t a housewife.” The goal was to become Harriet to some man’s Ozzie. That was acceptable. Society approved of that choice. And above all, we wanted to be approved of and accepted. But that certainly doesn’t allow for daring.
Today’s Daring Woman
53
[ COVER STORY ]
Our entire culture has fed us messages of not good enough/we are defined by men/give yourself away whether it’s what you want or not/loose your dignity but stay in the relationship. I could write an entire paragraph just on the limiting social messages whose underlying message was: ...DON’T BE DARING AND DON’T CHOOSE WHO YOU WANT TO BE. And finally, who can move into Superwoman and daring power when they believe, deep within, that they have to redeem themselves from their past mistakes, and their past achievements--or lack of achievements. Our little girls are still believing we need to be forgiven
we need to be redeemed and forgiven for WANTING MORE. But that is precisely what daring women do. We create change.
We dare to forge new and exciting paths whether anyone gives us their blessings or not. We ARE change. We demand of ourselves, and those around us, to step out, step up, and expand into a new, chosen definition of What Is. We dare to be truthful. We dare to risk. We dare to fail. We dare to achieve. And most importantly, we dare to forge new and exciting paths whether anyone gives us their blessings or not. We see what needs to be done, put on our capes, and fly to the creation of it. This is our great calling: to create lives and homes and cultures that embrace the power and daring of women so we pass THAT down to all the Superwomen to come. We are challenged to invent new words, new belief systems, and to model new behaviors that allow women to know that what daring truly is, is to choose the life that makes them happy; housewife, career woman, president or president of the PTA. To be a Superwoman is to choose your own definition and feel powerful within it. There are no societal, religious or family rules that can limit you without your consent ever again. And that is the very definition of freedom: the right to choose who we are and create our happiness and dare to be our authentic selves.
for marching for our freedom, demanding our independence, creating the woman’s movement and women’s lib and for burning bras and choosing a life individual of a husband. We believe, deep down, that
54
Today’s Daring Woman
What a glorious time to be alive, to create, to BE. May we all take our daring out into the world and empower others to put their capes on, choose, and fly. Fly daringly into the Creation of you! TD W
Why Not Say
“Why Not”? by Geri Westphal
I’ve always been a “why not” girl. Once I set my mind to something, it usually happens. I’m stubborn and independent. I don’t stop with just a simple “no”. To me, no is just a guideline, and I think in most cases, there is room for negotiation! I feel like I have lived my life with honor, always told the truth, never cheated anyone out of anything and because of all those good deeds, I probably deserve something awesome, like a winning lottery ticket! Today’s Daring Woman
55
Newsflash, life isn’t fair and I didn’t win the lottery.
[ COVER STORY ]
On 7.14.15 my life changed forever. I was diagnosed with breast cancer and quickly became a member of The Pink Ladies. It’s not a club. It’s a national statistic of more than 230,000 women each year who are diagnosed with breast cancer and who must endure the words “you have cancer”. Believe me, it’s not the winning lottery ticket. But cancer is not who I am. Cancer is something I had. Once. It touched a period of my life and I refuse to let it drag me down forever. Some ladies mark their “cancer free” anniversary each year to celebrate the achievement of surviving such a crappy journey. We don’t celebrate the anniversary of any other type of illness, so why do we give cancer such great power? Why not just stop talking about it? Why not just thank your lucky stars and give thanks to our awesome God above and move on? Because cancer won’t let you. Cancer is a shit storm that you can’t get away from. No amount of pleading, or bargaining with God gets you off the Cancer Train. You are stuck. You must ride the train from point A to point B with no one other than yourself to rely on. Family and friends can “love you through it” but they can’t take the ride for you. I hate that cancer found me. I hate that every day thousands of women have endure the words “you have cancer”. I hate that each year more than 40,000 of my pink sisters lose their battle.
I hate cancer. Even when it’s over, it’s not over. PostTraumatic Stress Disorder is a common “side effect” of cancer that can last for years. After I completed the initial steps of my treatment plan, from surgery to post-op visits, my
56
Today’s Daring Woman
doctors began to ask me about how I was feeling? Are you kidding me? I’m scared, I’m pissed, I’m in a bunch of pain and I hate the way I look….. but hey, other than that? I’m fine, thanks for asking. But I wasn’t fine. PTSD had set in with a vengeance. I was afraid of everything and I didn’t think I would ever see light again. That’s how scary cancer is. It steals your joy, your optimism, your trust. Cancer has such a negative effect on so many people, that I have decided to turn the message around and acknowledge the positive. I’m the “why not” girl, remember? I am on a mission to change the story and take my power back. Why not? I deserve to have my power back. But wait, there’s a positive part about having cancer? Yes, there is. As the administrator of a Facebook Group for Breast Cancer Warriors, each day I receive 25-50 new requests from ladies wanting to
join the group. My group is just one support group on a very large social platform; imagine the total numbers across all support groups. That’s a lot of ladies and that’s a lot of breast cancer. The stories are heartbreaking; single or married, mommas or without children, cancer does not discriminate. It affects all walks of life.
WE HAVE F-ING SURVIVED!!!
Of all the women I speak to about breast cancer, the most common (and positive) takeaway many women agree on is that cancer changed their lives for the better. I am an absolute believer, cancer did change my life FOR THE BETTER.
Why not take that trip? Why not quit that job? Why not jump from a plane or go cave diving in a tropical paradise? Why the hell not?
So yes, survival deserves a celebration. Survival deserves the biggest, loudest, happiest damn celebration you can think of. So, why not?
Maybe we did win the lottery. Maybe we did. TD W
Cancer gave me mortality.
It gave me a real slap-in-the-face message that this life does not last forever. No matter how stubborn or independent I am, I must finally admit that my days are numbered and by God, I had better start living them. If I waste today, then shame on me, there is no getting it back.
Cancer gave me courage.
I couldn’t care less about the negative people around me. I don’t need their time or energy to get me through my day. I have earned the courage to cut them loose and move on. Before cancer, I catered to their negativity and worked my butt off to make life better for them. Not ever again. I am moving on.
Cancer gave me wings.
I am no longer afraid to try new things that might have otherwise scared me. I’m free. I can choose what makes ME happy and I don’t have to feel guilty about it. That lesson, all by itself, is very powerful. Most people live their lives stuck in their self-defined box, afraid to do anything outside of what they deem “safe”. Not me. Not anymore. There can be no minimizing the physical and emotional pain and suffering that women endure along their individual cancer journeys. But, it makes each of us stronger. We are BETTER. We are powerful, stubborn, independent woman who have stared into the depths of hell and we have survived!
Today’s Daring Woman
57
We all have a story to tell...
Join me as I share my real-life story of how cancer changed my life for the better through reawakening and rebirth. www.gwestphal.com 58
Today’s Daring Woman
GET THE RESOURCES THAT YOU WANT AND NEED TO HELP YOU THROUGH YOUR CANCER JOURNEY. DARINGWOMANINC.COM/PINKLADIES
Today’s Daring Woman
59
business
EMPOWERED READING
60
Today’s Daring Woman
[ EMPOWERED READING ]
Dreaming of Your Dream Job? C R E AT E I T ! by Kieri Olmstead Being a therapist and an entrepreneur, I get to speak with a lot of women about their challenges in life. I hear about their hopes, their dreams and I also hear their doubts. We spend a lot of time sitting in my office focusing on their limiting beliefs. The narratives that have been placed upon them by society, loved ones, past relationships and even friends. Often these stories, these narratives, have become so ingrained in their hearts that my clients can’t tell whether it is them or the story. When we are able to push past it, separate the story from the woman magic happens. These women are able to look at the world with a new lens of hope and opportunity. I love the feeling I get when someone has a break through and they are truly taking the next step into their dream world, however, it isn’t often that I get to work with someone close to me and experience that emotion on a whole new level. Earlier this month I was talking with my mom about how much I enjoy the days that I get to work from home. We were joking about how many Netflix shows I’ve been able to binge watch while knocking out logo and web designs for clients. In response to my freedom of working for myself she says, “I want a job that lets me do that. Find me one.” In that moment I could have said, “ok,” and then hopped on the internet to help her search for work-at-home jobs (I have in the past.) This time however, I said, “Create one.” That is when the light bulbs started going off. I thought to myself – this is it. This is the problem that we have. We crave something so much, and we have been yearning for freedom, but because we
Today’s Daring Woman
61
[ BUSINESS ] have been lived our whole lives being told that success comes from working for someone else and climbing as high as you can; we aren’t seeing the possibility. This, I believe, is the biggest limiting belief that we have. You don’t have to wait for someone to walk up to you with a job that’s perfect. You don’t have to wait for the perfect listing to come across your Indeed.com profile. Create the opportunity yourself. I know what you’re thinking, what if I don’t have anything that I can turn into a business? You do. Seriously – every single one of you reading this article has something that you are uniquely good at. You all have that one thing that really separates you from the rest. For my mom, who didn’t think she had anything to offer either, it was her ability to find happiness. This woman has been through more stress, turmoil, abuse and hardship in her life than one person deserves and yet she has never lost sight of finding a way to be happy. She survived 11 years with a narcissist for a husband, she survived a marriage to a compulsive liar and drug user, she survived rape, poverty, and losing contact with her
62
Today’s Daring Woman
two youngest children and yet today – she’s incredibly happy. She finds the light wherever she is, and she holds on to it with everything that is in her. That is something that she can offer the world. That is something that someone else would gladly pay to have taught to them. So – she’s now the proud owner of “Manifesting Happy” a new coaching business that helps women who have survived domestic violence, rape, poverty and any other soul crushing life experience and she walks alongside them to find their happy again and hold on to it for the rest of their lives. You too can create the life that you want for yourself. It isn’t about business degrees, or financial backing. It is about believing that you are unique and have something to offer the world. If you have a passion and you have a dream start taking the inspired action and manifest the life that you want. We are living in an age where women are starting to find their voices. Where we are challenging centuries old thinking and saying, “No. I am valuable. I have something to bring to the table. I am the strongest human being I know.” Women are brave powerful creatures. It is time that we started believing it. TD W
The Daring Woman P O D C A S T
DW PODCAST
Showcasing incredible women
who have heartwarming stories to tell of their journey to becoming an empowered woman.
heard
Make Your Voice
Share your stories of inspiration, heartache, love, wisdom, and experience with the world. See if you’ve got what it takes to be a Daring Woman contributor! W W W. DAR I N G W O M AN I N C . C O M/ W R I T E-F O R-DAR I N G-W O M AN Today’s Daring Woman
63
issues
WOMEN’S EMPOWERED READING
64
Today’s Daring Woman
My Ego Does Not Serve Me Well by Viki Simpson
My Ego resides smugly in the house of my fear. Whispering “I’ll keep you safe”, she’s all that I can hear. The walls adorned with portraits of heartache, failure and shame. Of scars accrued through loss; reminders not to play the game. The furniture, the familiar; with comforts I am fond. Daylight floods the windows, and hides the world beyond. My Heart stands bravely, outside on the lawn looking in. I can’t see her, but I sense her, and I feel her softly grin. She holds out her arms, beckons me to come. The rug trips me as I leave, and the door hits my bum. I fall down the steps, and I slide on my knee. I stand up, sore and bleeding. But again, I am free. Leaving is always hard for me, but staying would be hell; Because my Heart is where my future lies, and my Ego does not serve me well.
Today’s Today’sDaring DaringWoman Woman 65
[ WOMEN’S ISSUES ]
Generation Hex by Just a Girl
Mental illness runs in my family. Addiction and suicide are rife - My fathers side mainly. I have his hair. And the same blue/grey eyes. I wonder if this counts? That one day this will be enough to tip me over - and I get to join the ranks of all of those who came before me. They grew up in and out of care my father’s
66
Today’s Daring Woman
family...Seven institutionalised adults came churning out of the machine after my nan decided that she didn’t much like children after all once they’d arrived. I can only imagine the damage that did to them all...I can’t even begin to imagine how that must have felt. My Aunty Sheila was the worst affected. She was legendary in her madness. We used to hide from her, the three of us. My mum, my brother and I. Whenever she came to call on
one of her random visits. Having apparantly walked for miles... with nothing on her feet, dressed in a dirty fur coat and probably very little else. We didn’t really know what to do with her; the times that my mum had to let her in because she wouldn’t go away. The occasional cup of tea and stilted, non-sensical conversation and that was that... Then off she would go to wherever she went when she wasn’t desperately trying to re-connect with her family - and my brother and I would crawl out from behind the sofa.
them. I look back at my own horrific mental health years and can only pray that my reaction was a normal one. That my crossover into addiction and breakdown was to be expected once my own burdens at that time became too heavy to bear. That I’m not some kind of horrific timebomb that is currently lying dormant in my head. Just waiting for someone or something else to set the timer... As a child I was petrified of my family. As an adult I wish that I could take those thoughts and reactions back. All of those people - my people were ill. They needed help. Not a bell around their necks announcing to all and sundry to keep clear.
“
She died alone in a bedsit. She’d been there for weeks. Nobody even knew she was there... or didn’t bother to check on her if they did.
It fills me with shame that she died in this way. Her loneliness must have been overwhelming. Her brother, my uncle Bill had a row with his wife. She’d been having an affair. It was the final straw. He chose electrocution. Ceiling wires in the bathroom. Not the easiest way to go I would imagine. By the time they’d broken the door down it was too late to save him.
Another Uncle wasted his days in a drunken haze on the streets of London. He was a gambling man, a waster. A womaniser. Someone you would pretend not to see if you passed him on the street. He drank himself to death. I doubt that he was missed by many. He owed far too much money to everyone. My dad was next. He died of a heart attack at 38. Presumably the stress of battling his own demons along with juggling a wife and two kids that he didn’t really know what to do with in a marriage that wasn’t working out too well, all got a little too much for him. So I don’t come from the greatest of gene pools. My family history makes me shudder. I’m related by blood to each and every one of
What I can do is shine a spotlight onto this complex and complicated issue.
Mental illness is just that. An illness. That lives in your head. It’s a crippling and debillitating monster that is difficult to overcome. My Aunty needed help...desperately. Instead she was talked about, pointed at and became the butt of peoples jokes. I can’t help my Aunty or the rest of my family. Without exception as far as I am aware apart from my mum, my brother and me they are all long gone. But what I can do is shine a spotlight onto this complex and complicated issue. I can write about it. This shocking, taboo subject that is everywhere and nowhere, depending on who you speak to.
Today’s Daring Woman
67
[ WOMEN’S ISSUES ] 68
Because it is here. It walks amongst us every day. No one on this planet is immune from it. It touches us all in one shape or form. Every man, woman and child. It wrecks lives with it’s relentless all consuming appetite for destruction. It went through my family like a wrecking ball. But I’m attempting to break the mould. I don’t want to live my life like my family before me. Battling, battling, battling those inner demons and monsters in my head. So to the best of my ability I won’t. I’ll write and I’ll eat well and get plenty of rest. I’ll deal with problems as and when I need to and try not to overthink things.
Today’s Daring Woman
I’ll try and keep things in perspective. Choose my company wisely. Be a nice person and do what makes me happy. None of these things individually are going to be the key to my wellness. In no way shape or form are they going to protect me from any nasties in my future designed to rock my world. But they are a start. Something I can cling on to in the quest for emotional stability. Because I don’t want to live the rest of my life haunted by the ghost that was my late Aunty Sheila... TD W
ADVERTISEMENT
Today’s Daring Woman
69
YOUR STARS FOR
leo
august 2018
by Jill Dahne, America’s Most Amazing Psychic
July 23 - Aug 21
Take your time, try not to exhaust yourself as you are mending friendships and work projects that you rushed right through. This is the time to go through and release ones that no longer serves a purpose in your life. By doing so a huge weight will be lifted so that you can think clearly. You have that strength on the outside but on the inside you fall apart. Your loved ones in your dreams will be sending you powerful messages, so pay attention at this time -- there`s a meaning. Vitamins and aloe water are good for your body. This is the time to take care of your health. Monthly Predictions: • Jamie Fox and Katie Holmes will be taking their relationship to another level. • Justin Bieber and Hailey Baldwin will be hearing baby news right after marriage. • Oprah Winfrey will be running for president and so will Trump.
Aquarius (Jan 21-Feb 19)
Relationships are at the center of attention this month. You may feel stuck at the moment on decisions to be made but the Aquarius and your artistic abilities in you always find a way out. Stay open to new faces through social media to help you endeavor gracefully in your passion and business. New opportunities head your way. You may want to try vegan this month to cleanse your body from toxins, so it opens up new avenues and ideas that have been on hold. Take a salt bath relax and clear your mind and put some red in your bedroom to bring in a lasting love.
Pisces (Feb 20-Mar 20)
Mercury in retrograde is in your favor meaning you can sign new deals and start new opportunities that have been contemplating for a while. This is the time attend investment ventures. Be careful of other signs that could bring you down. I call them “tricksters” that play on your sense of humor, passion, and emotion. A pain or a long term medical problem may be resolved. will feel better than you have in years. The holistic in you is to be thankful for. Pamper yourself with a computer or I-phone that will help you spread your joy life through communication. 70
Today’s Daring Woman
you to
You side new of
Aries (Mar 21-Apr 20) If you are in a relationship the stars are by your side, many will be engaged, marriages and babies being born. For my single Aries I see lots of connections and romances coming through. Past loves may try to reconnect - but as mercury retrograde is in gear think twice by doing so. You don`t need that drama in your life again. Many will re-vamp their lives financially by moving or buying a new piece of property and a having new job. Around this time do not vent aloud it could come back to bite you. Take this time to relax and soak in the summer sun.
Taurus (Apr 21 -May 21)
This is the time to get out and about. Your ideas you have could turn golden, it’s time to rethink who you socialize with. New ventures will be coming your way by just being at the right place at the right time. If you are planning any getaways confirm reservations due to technology and delay issues this this month. I see many doors opening from a loved one, friend or college from your past. Take your time, do not rush, but then again do not hesitate. Your intuition is at its strongest this time, so pay attention.
Gemini (May 22-June 21)
Many fresh beginnings begin to flourish, especially new income. An eye opener begins releasing the ones that are living check to check relieving all the stress and anxiety. This is the time to watch your temper. A person or relationship could get you heated up. Take an exercise class, yoga, or mediation to calm your nerves at this time. Bring all the veggies into your body and release the dairy this month due to stomach upsets.
Cancer (Jun 22-July 22)
This is a very powerful month for you if your relationship has been a little off - get ready for the pieces to be put back together. You are going to be on a roll. Old flames could be calling or knocking on your door, it will be your choice to say yes or no. As you have been thinking about making changes, you are also very hesitant in doing so. Your intuition is on target so go with it. The resolution will flourish with any legal or debt matters, just breathe in and out, something always comes around to help you.
Virgo (Aug 22-Sep 23)
This is the month to start socializing. Dress up and get out of that house you have been hibernating in for so long. The world needs to see the awesome you. A new hairstyle and clothes are calling you. Go online and connect with spiritual like-minded people like yourself. I see new beginnings leading into opening many new doors that favor you in business and in love. With all the planets aligned it`s time to forgive, but do remember you may not forget, but you will move forward so you have peace within.
Today’s Daring Woman
71
Libra (Sep 24-Oct 23)
This month favors you, especially with love and finances. Many opportunities will be presented your way. You will be coming out of your comfort zone and taking on bigger projects. Do not pay attention if there is one that is envious of your success. Remember not everyone is happy but do not let that stop you from rising up. At this time you will be detaching yourself from unhealthy relationships and surrounding yourself with the cheerleaders that are rooting for you. Eat blueberries, they are good for your brilliant mind.
Scorpio (Oct 24 -Nov 22)
As you are letting go of past relationships, and jobs, new ventures with bigger profits and opportunities will be coming in for you. A surprising package or phone call puts you in a fantastic mood. Hold back on buying that luxury item until next month, material things will not buy you happiness. For my Scorpions that have been holding any simmering grudges, your opponents will be stung by a sudden turn of events, but always wish them well, as the number 1111 is always popping up for you, which means luck is on your side. Your angels are watching over you.
Saggittarius (Nov 23-Dec 22)
As you are healing the wounds, let go of the shield you have around you. Be free to new opportunities that are being presented in the now not from the past. Let love and trust come in. You have the power in you to do so. Even though you are very independent, a very irresistible partnership that you may not expect will appear so be prepared to say yes. As you feel overworked and tired do not let that stop you from getting what you want. Get a pad and a pen and start using your writing skills, it could turn into huge dollar signs. Take this month and slowly connect with your inner self. Be aware of what you take in, especially nourishment which has boosted your self-esteem into the person you`re meant to be.
Caricorn (Dec 23-Jan 20)
Take this month to take care of you - and your dental issues. You will be discovering new prospects to boost earnings, luck will be on your side. You are not a stingy person, you share our heart and wealth with others to help them grow as well giving to charity and investing in your own spiritual development. You will come across one that wants to mirror everything about you, don`t be upset, be flattered. In personal relationships use that wonderful Capricorn sense of humor to diffuse explosive situations. Keep your stress low. Weight loss will show improvement, just stay focused and be positive. I see money appearing out of nowhere. This is a good time to play the lottery. Stop focusing on your age it`s only a number. As a Capricorn remember you get younger as you get older. 72
Today’s Daring Woman
Subscribe today and never miss a ground breaking issue daringwomanmagazine.com Today’s Daring Woman
73
74
Today’s Daring Woman