Today's Daring Woman - March 2019

Today’s

DARING WOMAN March 2019

Your Past is Part of Your Present

Learning to Start Over

WHAT IS

Sexy?

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W W W . B EC O MI N G AVA.C O M 2

Today’s Daring Woman

If you’ve wanted the freedom of working for yourself, working from home, or starting your own business with little to no startup costs, Becoming A VA will walk you through exactly how to make your dream come true quickly and easily.

After a decade as a Virtual Assistant and Online Business Manager for some of the most successful entrepreneurs today, Tracey Osborne gives you the tools to start your own VA business with great clients and abundant income.

After reading, you’ll know how to: • find the right clients for you • use your skills and experience to match you with a VA niche • create a website and social media marketing to stand out and get clients • use online tools to work smarter and faster • gain the skills you need to stay competitive • handle client requests and even difficult clients • earn income at competitive rates that don’t undercut your value

VAs at all stages of their business can find useful information in this book. Well-edited and presented, it has long-term usefulness. Don’t try to devour it in one reading and learn all of the information. Beginning VAs will benefit a great deal from the information here. Just enough ‘war stories’ to make some comparisons, but not on and on about the writer’s experiences.

I loved this book! I have been considering starting a VA business for a couple of years now. Years!

I had no idea where to start. As a result, I decided to get a couple of books hoping at least one of them could guide me in the right direction. This book did! There are steps, activities and great tips.

It’s everything that you need to get started. This book left me without excuses!

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In this Issue...

Cover Stories

Giving Tuesday

21 | Learning to Start Over 40 | What is Sexy?

53 | Your Past is Part of Your Present

59 | Giving Tuesday

Living Your Best Life Now 13 | Raising Expectations and Planning for Greatness 16 | Just Be Yourself: 4 Lessons I Learned From Martha Stewart 24 | Letting Go of Control 30 | Uncovering the New U 34 | Release Hate and Embrace Love

Empowered Reading 63 | Top 10 List

Health & Wellness 66 | 5 in 15 Minutes! Why You Need to Move Your Body at Work 70 | A Nomad’s Journey to Letting Go

Daring Woman Podcast

Awareness

74 | My Organized Chaos 74 | The Dirtiest 4-Letter Word 75 | Breaking Up Positive

56 | Business Impact Spotlight: Sex Positive Families

Horoscopes 76 | Horoscopes

Catch us on Instagram @ ImADaringWoman

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TRACEY OSBORNE Editor-in-Chief

Board of Advisors PAMELA ROGAN GERI WESTPHAL DR. SAMANTHA MADHOSINGH

Team Assistant Editor MARK OSBORNE Design Director HEATHER TERWILLIGER Graphic Designer SUSANN TRAXEL-ROBINSON Social Media Manager JESSICA WESTPHAL Web Designer CHRISTIANE JECHOUX Executive Assistant CHARLOTTE BELLIS Special thanks to Darius Basher for the Cover Photo from Unsplash.

DISCLAIMER In compliance with the FTC guidelines, please assume the following about all links, posts, photos and other material in this publication: Any/all of the links in this publication are affiliate links.

Daring Woman, Inc. (DW, “I”, “we”) receives a small commission from sales of certain items, but the price is the same for you.

Daring Woman, Inc. is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com.

Links in this publication may include affiliate links to Amazon and its affiliate sites upon which Daring Woman, Inc. will make a referral commission.

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Letter from the Editor though. We even found baby shower announcements for my little brother (her only child) - who’s well into his 40s now. And...they still had the envelopes they came in.

That really triggered my husband and I to focus on living a minimalist lifestyle. But it’s not just stuff that people tend to hang on to.

The stuff is a physical connection to energy.

When you release the physical stuff, you release that pent up energy. The same goes for emotions. Holding onto grudges, feelings, emotions, the past...just stores energy that’s best left to dissipate back into the universe.

I tend to be a digital hoarder. I keep files and photos and such that I simply no longer need.

A couple of weeks ago, my hard drive crashed.

They had to install a new one. No big deal, I use Carbonite to backup my computer constantly.

One of my favorite shows to watch is Hoarders.

It fascinates me that people can hold on to so much stuff. I did experience hoarding growing up. My mother wasn’t as bad as those on the show but she definitely was a pack rat. My aunt though...I remember going to her house and just having pathways to walk through.

A couple of years ago, my sister and I cleaned out our dad and stepmom’s storage unit.

My stepmom was a keeper. Very organized

Only I apparently let my subscription lapse and had no idea. Meaning...no backups. Lost are files I’ll never regain. At first I was upset...but I realized that probably 99% of those files were things I didn’t need anyway. It felt good to let go.

This issue is dedicated to “Letting Go”.

May you feel the strength, the inspiration, and the motivation to let go…

Tracey

Editor-in-Chief @traceycosborne

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(this could be you) Interested in advertising with us?

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Contributors Berta Medina

Berta Medina-Garcia is a rare breed of speaker and coach – by infusing “classic” coaching with a healthy dose of discovery and adventure with her specialized trademark of “comfort zone coaching”, she’s revolutionized the path to growth and change for individuals and team members of great organizations at the forefront of making a positive impact on this world.

Julee Hunt

Julee Hunt is a Worthiness Warrior who inspires audiences to transform hopelessness, exhaustion, and depression into purpose, playfulness, and meaning. She has a vision to create a world where worthiness is the way for everyone. After a job loss and life-pausing illness, she devoted herself to reclaiming her worthiness becoming the leader of her life. She has appeared on the Oprah Show, the Hay House “A Trainer’s Guide to Infinite Possibilities Certification Course,” Infinite Possibilities conferences, and on multiple podcasts. Julee authored the #1 Best Selling book “You Are WORTHY! Even When You Believe Otherwise: A Guide for the Overwhelmed Perfectionist.

Melanie Ulceus

Melanie Ulceus is a female entrepreneur who helps women in business own their truth.

Before starting her company Bossbabe Lifestyle, Ulceus worked 5+ years within the fashion industry as both a freelance and corporate creative . After a successful career helping industry professionals and creative-preneurs, She launched her own creative agency Melseinco and continues to motivate women to be the best they can be.

Isabel Hundt

Isabel Hundt is a successful Inspirational Speaker, Founder of the #ISeeUMovement, Sociologist, certified Transformation Coach working with Highly Sensitive Visionaries and World Changers aka Empath-Warriors™, Emotions Clearing Practitioner, published Author of The Power of Faith-Driven Success and Amazon Bestselling Co-Author. Her expertise revolves around navigating your emotional world, the power of intuition and the importance of trust and perseverance in today’s society. Isabel has been featured on close to 100 TV shows, well-known radio and podcasts shows.

SheNesia Ewing

SheNesia (Nesi) Ewing, is an award-winning and Certified Transitional Life Coach, international empowerment speaker, and author. She currently holds a Bachelor of Science in Biology and a Masters in Sports & Health Science. She is currently working on her Applied Doctoral Project for her Doctorate in Psychology. Life Coach Nesi started UncoveringtheNewU, LLC in 2010 and completed Life Coaching School in June 2016.

As a Life Coach, Nesi envisioned herself teaching women how to transition into their desired transformation through changing their perspective of how they see, react, and resolve the challenges of life. She debuted her transition to transformational university DreamersU in 2018, which includes her signature 7-week program called, “Uncovering a Purpose and Passion” provides 7 solution-oriented empowerment techniques, life skills, & empowerment to find self.

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Sandy Glaze

Sandy Glaze was born in Ontario, Canada where she currently resides. She has enjoyed an extensive career in financial services and in 2016 decided to transition out of personal finance into the fascinating arena of the Human Potential Movement. She is the founder of Re-Learning Life Coaching and specializes in Personal Transformation and Self Development. Her extensive training has given her insight to many aspects of life including how to maximize aspects of our emotional, mental, spiritual and energetic selves. She offers self help programs and individual coaching sessions pertaining to energy clearing, feminine sexuality, dynamic relationships and the synergy between masculine and feminine energy.

Jenna Carlie

Jenna Carlie is an artist and photographer based out of Los Angeles. She obtained a Bachelor of Fine Arts from Rhode Island School of Design (RISD). During her time at RISD she interned for Annie Leibovitz, a female photographer who Jenna resonated with.

Before attending RISD, she lived in Paris, where she developed her first photographic portfolio of work and then later used to apply to RISD. Jenna specializes in Women’s empowerment artwork and hopes to make changes for women globally, through her various projects, such as, What is Sexy?

Keely Cat Wells

Keely Cat Wells is an actress, and the CEO of two international entertainment companies; CC Associates, a talent agency based in the UK, and C Talent, a management company in the US which represents actors with disabilities and minority actors. Keely is also the Co-founder of The Hope Council. The Hope Council tells poignant stories with a social message because stories, including yours can change the world. She does enjoy her time writing poetry, singing and traveling. Her goal is to impact and change society’s thoughts and perceptions through the entertainment industry.

Mia Mahey

Founder of West Michigan Consulting Services, Mia Mahaney is an impact-driven individual. She believes that nonprofits and businesses have the power to solve the world’s most challenging problems and is committed to helping them increase their impact. She’s an advocate, a volunteer, and a mother, dedicated to raising a caring and socially conscious son who sees the world through a lens of possibility and opportunity.

Amanda Gazzola

Amanda Gazzola is known as the energizer bunny. She is a serial entrepreneur who loves to help people transform their lives physically, mentally and financially. By increasing efficiency you will get more done at work, at home and transform your health.

Learn how to prioritize, how to create the perfect day and how to create your personal rules to living a successful life.

Jayme Serbell

Jayme Serbell is a co-owner and co-writer for Gnomad Home - a repository of free information and inspiration to encourage others to build their own life for themselves, beginning with an affordable adventure rig. She has lived in a Chevy Express Conversion Van that she and her husband converted into a tiny home since April of 2017. She travels nomadically around North America, typically living in the middle of the wild with no cell service with her hubs and their two adventurous pups. She has been on a path or radical self-discovery, love and honesty for over two years now and encourages others to find who they are within themselves.

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From tanks and tees to posters and mugs, surround yourself with positivity to stay motivated day in and day out.

S H O P DAR I N G W O M AN. C O M 10

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LIVING YOUR BEST LIFE

now

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Raising Expectations & Planning For

GREATNESS!

by Berta Medina

I’ve heard people say, “If you don’t have high expectations, you’ll never be disappointed.”

BS. Sad, sad BS.

would you change your expectations? How would you change your view of them?

If there’s one thing I’ve learned over the course of my life, it’s that having high expectations is the most important ingredient to happiness.

Have you ever seen an elephant tied to a rope attached to a stake in the ground? It’s a pretty common way to keep elephants “leashed” so they don’t go running off. How can a rope on a stake hold a creature that can stomp a car like a tin can?

In the very first chapter of The Go Giver (By Bob Burg and David Mann), Pindar tells Joe, “You don’t always get what you want but you always get what you expect.”

Let’s assume that this is an axiom — that life sets you up for the things you expect – how

The Chain and Stake

When those elephants were calves, they were tied using the very same method. They try and try, but they can’t come loose on account of

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their yet undeveloped strength. They fight and try to break loose until they’re exhausted.

Then they try again.

Day after day they struggle.

Eventually, they stop trying.

I’m not defending this method for captivity — I love elephants. But you’ll see here in a second that we’re not so different from our majestic fellow earthlings.

If Memory Serves

Elephants have famously robust memories, so they grow up remembering that stake and the futility of fighting it. Even if they did realize their strength grows as they do, they don’t think, “I’m better and stronger now, so I can break this thing with ease.” They’re conditioned.

Eventually, you don’t even need the stake. Just a rope tied around their neck is enough to remind them of the “futility” of fighting. They don’t expect to be able to free themselves.

And if elephants are smart and humans are smarter, you can BET our brains can come up with even better ways of tricking us into thinking things are futile.

Our experiences work the same way as the stake in the ground. Our expectations condition us. But we’ve got a much more clever blend of emotion and rationality fighting against us. Even ONE failure can lead us to expect the worst and give up prematurely.

So if we take the story of the elephants to heart and piece together past experiences, there’s no denying that we will DEFINITELY BE DISAPPOINTED if we don’t have high expectations. Where we MIGHT be disappointed if we do and fail (which just means we can grow from it and try again).

How to Make Your Expectations Work For You It may not be the case for you, but I’d argue

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that a lot of us out there are pretty pessimistic.

I don’t mean in a doom-and-gloom sense, but when it comes to ourselves, we’re a lot less supportive or enthusiastic than we are for our friends and family. So the very first piece of the high expectations puzzle is by far the hardest to implement.

You have to believe in yourself.

Sorry. That’s tough, I know. If you’re used to assuming you’re powerless or limited in your potential, that’s the biggest problem you’re having in the first place!

And what’s worse, there’s no great secret to get you there, no matter what book sellers are telling you on their covers. I can’t offer you “10 things you can do now to believe in yourself” because there’s nothing the external world can do for you. This comes from inside and from the things you do for the world around you.

You can bring a horse to water, but you can’t tell the horse he can write a great book and have him set to work with absolute enthusiasm. I think that’s how it goes.

The key to life, it seems, is action. It’s going to be hard to believe in yourself if you’re sitting around not believing in yourself. Whatever your project is — get to work on it. Even if you put in five minutes a day, you’ll start building proof of your abilities if you actually set out to do something.

Plan for the best, expect the best.

If you want to achieve something, you’ve got to have a goal in sight. Then, once you have that goal in sight, you’ve got to draw out your path to get there.

The most important thing to keep in mind is that you’ll have to be realistic and optimistic at the same time. Keep your chin up but eyes ahead. Know your limitations when setting deadlines, but believe that you can do it, no matter where you set your time limits.

If you can’t think of a particular goal you want to achieve, maybe it’s better to rearrange and consider your WHY. I’m not saying you have to spend hours calculating every single detail of your journey.

In the era of to-do lists, we’re more passionate about spending hours on a plan than executing the first tiny step. But it helps to give yourself measurable goals.

When you achieve measurable goals, it builds your “expectation” muscles, which fuel your self-confidence and future projects.

If you do have a goal but it feels foggy and unattainable, I recommend using the SMART goal-setting method. This method was first spotted in the November 1981 issue of Management Review. It’s attributed to George T. Doran and also influenced by Peter Drucker’s “management objectives” model. You don’t need to use a particular app or organizational system. It’s all-encompassing and you can knock the whole thing out in a run-on sentence.

SMART is an acronym that helps you make goals that stick by giving you a timeline and details that make it impossible to be nebulous.

Here’s the quick run-down: • Specific - Detail what it is you’re doing without mincing words or beating around the bush • Measurable - Give yourself some kind of numeric metric so that you know when you’ve achieved it • Achievable - Play to your strengths and make sure it falls in line with your personal goals • Results - Don’t think about the process first, think about the effect the process will have • Time-Bound - Give yourself a hard deadline so you can measure where you went right or wrong

very article, and put it into the SMART goals method.

By May 15, 2018, (time-bound) create a 1,000+ word article about expectations (specific, measurable) for my own website detailing my knowledge about setting expectations (achievable) so that readers can benefit by re-evaluating their expectations and goals (results).

Dedication, Perseverance and the Hard Stuff

This is another tough one. If you’ve got a goal or result that you’re overwhelmed by, chances are it’s because of the hard work it’s going to take to get there. That’s right. Things worth doing are often harder than watching YouTube videos.

Discipline is the key. That’s a scary word for some people — I get it. It’s not easy to hunker down and do something important when it’s easier to have fun. But that’s why SMART goals and results-oriented thinking will get you far. It’s not about the actions you have to take — it’s what you’re going to get in the end. You’ve got to be dedicated to the results you want for yourself while being realistic and compassionate (SO EASY, RIGHT?!)

We mess up. That’s how humans work.

But most of the time when we mess up, it rearranges our expectations. What we don’t often realize when we’re in the middle of things is that our messing up is actually a great lesson. We can then use the “science of failure” to rearrange our plan and avoid those pitfalls in the future.

When you reach an obstacle, don’t paralyze yourself. Take action. Fight procrastination, reevaluate the result, and believe in your ability to get past it. TD W

So let’s get meta with the goal, writing this

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Just Be

YOURSELF

4 Lessons I Learned from Martha Stewart byJulee Hunt

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Back when Martha Stewart was famous for making gourmet menus and extravagant creative entertaining look easy, I vividly remember wanting to throw dinner parties with the same style and flair. She seemed perfect!

Not only was her presentation unique, but she also recommended that you make the furniture, napkins, and table decorations by hand and from scratch. She set the bar ridiculously high.

I worked 80 hour weeks—and traveled most of the time—and knew that I could never host a Martha Stewart dinner party with the same elegance she did. This did not keep me from trying, and ultimately failing. Instead of laughing it off, I felt terrible and like I was ‘not enough’ without the napkins folded like swans, the hand-appliqued tablecloths, delicately engraved wine glasses, and hand-calligraphy name cards.

Role models like Martha—the ones who appear endlessly creative, super-productive, organized, fit, wealthy— kept me circling what I now call the ‘Unworthiness Cycle’ frequently and rapidly. I would start out with what seemed like a good idea but then when it didn’t go well because my expectations were unreasonable and too high, I ended up feeling even worse about myself and like a failure. It was exhausting trying to live up to someone else’s standards and skillsets. Not to mention it felt fraudulent and inauthentic.

sure that everything was perfect, just like Martha. By the time the guests arrived, I felt like a wet dishrag ready to be wrung out and couldn’t wait to go to bed.

At the end of each party, I vowed to never do it that way again. But the cycle of perfectionism (wanting to be like Martha) was so ingrained that the very next time I would start out with good intentions and end up in a frenzy. I was so far from creating a perfect life. In fact, perfectionism was ruining my life.

Let me share another time perfectionism hurt an important relationship in my life. On my son’s fourth birthday, he wanted a Spiderman party. When I was a little girl my mom spent hours making “shape cakes” for our birthdays.

I always felt loved when she made me a Holly Hobby cake. It took her hours to bake several cakes, cut them into shapes using frosting to hold them together and create a beautiful masterpiece. (Today you can buy a Holly Hobby cake pan!) My mother happened to visit for this particular birthday and I was fretting about how I was going to make a Spiderman cake. I was sure my mom would be able to help me with this. After she unpacked I asked her advice and she surprised me by saying, “Honey, you work full-time and the bakery makes amazing Spiderman cakes—just order one.” I was a bit knocked off kilter, but I ordered a Spiderman cake.

To be clear here, when I said I tried to live up to Martha Stewart’s example, I gave it my all!

I’d start the planning weeks in advance. I had to create the perfect guest list, the perfect menu, the perfect theme and decorations, and, of course, the house had to be perfect.

One time this meant a new floor in the kitchen.

My husband hated it when we had people over because I’d put a new list of home repairs and remodel projects on his plate, with unreasonable deadlines.

The day came. I set the cake on the counter while I busily prepared the rest of the food.

My son was curious about the cake but not tall enough to see it, so he tugged on the corner. The cake slid off the counter and onto the floor. Amazingly it landed right side up on the gold cardboard it came on, but one of the corners was messed up. I got so upset and thought the party was ruined because the cake was no longer perfect. In my anger, I hurt my son’s feelings. This ignited my ‘Inner Bully’ and I was circling the ‘Unworthiness Cycle’ faster than a Ferrari in a Formula One Grand Prix race.

Then I’d work myself into the ground making

It always saddens me to think of this story

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and how one tiny corner of a cake set me off.

Trying to be perfect made me tired, cranky, irritable, and hard to live with. I thought if I showed only “perfection” to the outside world then they would be envious of me and want to be me. But I did not even want to be me. Why I thought the world would think more highly of me if I was perfect is almost outside my scope of understanding now, but I know it all comes from not feeling like I was enough. Let go of this notion that perfection makes you appear worthy.

Back to my desire to be perfect like Martha!

One day I decided enough was enough!

Instead of trying to BE perfect Martha Stewart, I was going to analyze her—and the unrealistic bar she’d set for women across the world.

Here’s what I learned: • Martha had a large team of people helping her create these elegant and unique parties. A team to make the furniture.

A team to fold the napkins. A team to engrave the wine glasses. A team to hand-

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calligraphy name cards. A team to create 2 of the appetizers. Another team to make 2 more appetizers. A team to make the desserts. I could never compete with her because I did not have a team.

• She liked creating unique events and relished in the preparation right down to the tiniest detail. This is not where my gifts and talents lie nor did I enjoy it. I wanted my dinner parties to be all about connection—not people marveling at the table decorations or name cards. It is true when I walk into an event where all the details have been tended to, I marvel at the display, but it does not bring me joy.

• Her fame took its toll on her personal life and after a bitter 3-year separation her marriage ended in divorce. I was not willing to let my marriage fail over an elegant dinner party and calligraphy name cards.

• She never seemed to sleep. I love to sleep and understand its importance to my wellbeing and functionality.

Let go of this notion that perfection makes you appear worthy.

Bottom line: I am so NOT Martha! I had to let go of the idea that I was “not enough” unless I was trying to be perfect her. Trying to be someone else keeps me in the Unworthiness Cycle, which always leads to feeling bad and affirming that I am a failure (aka “not enough”).

I learned that being myself—not redecorating my kitchen— is the way to create authentic connections between me and other people and is MY recipe for success.

My entire childhood was a training ground in unworthiness. I carried the lessons I learned into my adulthood. I suffered from perfectionism that kept me from enjoying life.

I had trouble making decisions. What if it was not the right one? This constant need to make perfect decisions kept me frozen in fear and unable to move forward.

In my book, You Are Worthy, I talk about being authentic and living life in the Worthiness Cycle. Honoring your authenticity is being true to yourself and others. When you live life authentically you feel worthy. You feel like you are enough and can see perfection even in the imperfections of life. You are like a breath of

fresh air. You are wonderful YOU and nobody else can be YOU! Own it, honor it, and walk in that truth!

Stop trying to be perfect. You were born in perfection. That box has been checked and cannot be unchecked. The unworthy soul will spend their whole life trying to be perfect and the only thing it does is make you feel like you never measure up the same way I felt trying to be Martha Stewart.

It takes a lot less energy to walk in your own magnificence than it does pretending to be what you think the world thinks you should be. Because you aren’t operating under false pretenses, people like to be around you. When you do not present false pretenses to others, they do not feel the need to present them to you. Connections happen automatically and life becomes easier. What a relief!

Besides Martha Stewart is taken. You were born in perfection. Enough said!

Just be yourself. TD W

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Learning to Start Over

by Melanie Ulceus

Just recently I came across a Pinterest quote that read, “Sometimes the hardest part isn’t letting go, but rather learning to start over.”

I faced many setbacks in my life that always made me question who I was. I knew I was entertaining, I knew I had creative talents, yet for some reason each time I picked up a pursuit, I always gave up.

Was I wrong? Was I crazy?

No. I was just a woman who was trying to claim herself in a bubble that she needed to pop. I was living through the eyes that weren’t mine.

I compromised my ideas and didn’t allow my creativity to flow freely.

That killed me.

Who knew that growth would come in ways we never felt it would? The moment I realized my freedom or my creativity would never flow in a straight line. I accepted the challenge of letting go of my previous self to create anew.

Some people will argue and say you need to find that one thing that makes you you.

Truthfully, we’re made of so many different attributes. We grow, we prosper, and we hustle differently. There are so many things we have to offer others, that one thing that makes you you should just be yourself.

There’s no word that can explain the amount of willpower you have to become who you are.

If you are 100% willing to understand that at the end of the day, you are who you are meant

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to be. Then the art of letting go will synchronize to the way we start over.

So, how do we do it?

1. Mindset Shifting your mindset into what you’ll gain as opposed to focusing on what you feel is a loss will open you to new experiences. Mindset is very big and if you look at the bigger picture of what you will win in your future, it will save you time to start fresh 2. Be Honest with Yourself Pay attention to the feeling around the situation you’re in. Does your work motivate you because you feel it in your heart to do it? Or, does it make you want you to do it because you want to finish what you started? Was it really going ok? Were you really feeling it 100%? Life will continue to support you along your journey, but you must be honest to move on Your intuition always comes first and if you don’t feel fulfilled in what you do, then it might be a sign you need to start over.

3. Acceptance You came a mighty long way to the place you are in now. Just because you’re starting over does not mean you are giving up. Believe you can even if it seems there is not an answer.

By you taking the time to know it’s time to let go, you allow room for life to give you the resources to move forward.

4. Forgiveness You accomplished so many things thus far, why beat yourself up about it? Forgiving yourself for undergoing your situation will help you see the light. It will help you find closure to your situation and give you the clarity to move forward. Write a letter to yourself each day until you can smile at your past. You got this, just keep going.

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You came a mighty long way to the place you are in now. Just because you’re starting over does not mean you are giving up.

5. Acknowledge your wins What you just experienced was not a setback.

You aren’t a failure and you aren’t a quitter.

Sometimes the new start is a way to get us back on our feet in ways we need it. Along your journey you had some pretty successful moments that were worth documenting I’m sure. You are always winning. It’s how you handle the changes to your victory that will make the difference.

8. Seek Help Maybe the situation gave you the awakening you needed, but maybe it’s time to find someone to support you. Seeking help in those who are specialized in what you need will not only help solve the situation at hand, but it will help you realize about what you need to do. Mentors, therapists, and healers are always there to guide you. It may take a step of realizing that you don’t have to do it alone.

6. Challenge yourself Maybe there were things that you’ve left on the backburner and are now dying to accomplish.

Have you given a second thought to do them again? Challenging ourselves can be a great way to ensure we all stay motivated in our lives. Next time you find yourself starting over, remember that new opportunities are going to arise.

9. Enjoy Life Ever here of Profiter de La Vie? Now is your time to get out there and start doing the things that make your heart jump. You’ve enclosed yourself in a bubble too long, you must get out and enjoy life. Grab a friend, go out, dance, do whatever you need to do. Self-care is the foundation of how we handle our situation.

If you aren’t taking care of you the way you should, it might be harder to see the positive change.

7. Vent Talking it out with someone you trust will always help ease the tension. Those who you confide in will provide the proper guidance for you to see the bigger picture. The more you say how you feel the more you’ll feel relieved over what happened. Your future is your own and you will accomplish everything if you just give yourself the time to heal.

10. Focus on the Now I’m a firm believer that our lives are already pre-governed for us. No matter how hard we act of what we do, we will always come back to a place of who we need to be. If tomorrow wasn’t guaranteed, what would you be doing right now to help your new beginning? Life always gives you what you can handle. It’s a matter of what you can do now in order to change it. TD W Today’s Daring Woman

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Letting Go of Control

by Isabel Hundt

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The year of 2010 was a tremendous year of ups and downs. I experienced the lowest lows, but also the highest highs. It was an adventurous year, but one that drove me straight to exhaustion.

I had come to the U.S. with the ambition to stay no matter what. I had a prophecy to fulfill.

I had a dream to chase and there was no turning back. I was willing to work hard and I wouldn’t embarrass myself by giving up. I had told too many people about my ambitious plans. I had to not only prove it to myself but also to everyone else.

I knew the direction my life was destined to go for over ten years. I recalled this prophetic dream, pulling it into the space of reality, many times. Sometimes it came knocking on my door when I was close to throwing in the towel. Other times it consumed me to the point where I was paralyzed. English wasn’t my first language and I had never been a big fan of other languages. But here I was, called upon to speak on stages in front of thousands of people. I had no clue about what or when. I only recalled seeing my adult self on that stage. I wasn’t scared, I wasn’t nervous.

No, with this dream I was given a dose of confidence in myself, I knew that it would all come together.

And then reality caught up with me. How, in God’s name, could I obtain a valid visa?

How am I supposed to come up with the costs involved in this crazy adventure?

At this point in my life I had nothing to show for my struggles aside from a sociology degree. I had never made real money like an adult should. I had student loans that needed to be paid off and while my friends started to get married and have babies, I was alone, still trying to figure out life – in a country far away from everything I’ve ever known. Sure, I had a boyfriend then, but that didn’t automatically mean that my future was in any way secure.

All I had were two suitcases filled with clothes

and a few valuables. There I was. Luggage packed. My exchange visa had expired, and no matter how much I wanted to get my master’s degree in counseling, the money to begin my courses was nowhere to be found. That also meant that I couldn’t legally activate my student visa that I held in my hand. It was my only hope.

Every single time I thought things finally would come together the world crashed down on me again only to remind me that I was a nobody and that dreams really didn’t matter if you can’t manifest them into reality. I was tired. The constant ups and downs drained all energy out of my fragile body. My mind became weak and my heart heavy.

The only way for me to stay in the U.S. legally was to take a trip to Canada with the hope that I was allowed to enter the United States on a tourist visa once again to give me another three full months to figure things out. But seriously, what on Earth was I thinking? What would change in those short three months?

The holidays were coming up. My boyfriend wasn’t going to change his mind about getting married, as we’ve only known each other for a short year, and I also didn’t want to use marriage as a selfish way to live out my dream. Opportunities were slim and I started drowning in desperation, frustration, and hopelessness.

It was a beautiful autumn day in September when I embarked on my adventure to Canada.

I didn’t know what to expect. At this point I was only grateful for my friend who took the day off to accompany me on this journey. She would either be the one who gets to say “goodbye” for good or the one who would drive me back to Indianapolis.

When we finally made it to Windsor, Canada, I prepared myself for the worst. Within the next few hours my dream would disappear as fast as it had shown up all those years ago.

We were asked to park the car, step out of it, and follow the fairly tense immigration

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officers to the office. There is nothing that could explain the level of anxiety, fear, and desperation that hits you when you open that door to the waiting area where a few hundred people were anxiously waiting for their name to be called through the speakers–each with their own personal hopes and dreams.

The air in this waiting area was so thick that you could barely breathe. You could see families holding hands, husbands locking eyes with their wives, hoping to be able to stay together. The concern about their future was engraved into their faces. Some people were crying and begging. Other’s seemed completely content. Every now and then you saw well-dressed business people walking back and forth to obtain their work visa. You could hear several officers asking similar questions about why they want to enter the US, how they will finance themselves, who they’ll work for etc.

Observing what was going on around me just made me even more nervous.

When my name was called, I was relieved, but as soon as I saw the expression on the officer’s face, panic made its way into my consciousness. His eyes were filled with anger.

He didn’t want to be there nor did he look like he wanted to deal with any immigrants. He

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looked through my file for about two minutes when he proclaimed that he had better things to do than to deal with my hopeless case. He was the first to tell me that my dream was dead and that he would book me a flight back to Germany. That was it. I would have to call my boyfriend to say “goodbye” and unless he would decide to come to Germany this relationship was as broken as my dream.

What life I had managed to scrounge together over the past few years crumbled into thousands of tiny little pieces. I had sworn to never do anything illegal because it would have defeated the purpose of that prophetic dream.

I stared at him in disbelief, trying to convince him to take another look and to maybe find a way to resolve the issue. But his face only turned redder as each word left my mouth. It was done. Goodbye dream, hello reality.

In that very moment, another officer had overheard the conversation and came over to take a look. He said something to the ‘mean’ officer that I couldn’t understand and then told me to follow him. I did, thinking that this is how it goes when you are being deported.

Surprisingly, he didn’t want to deport me. His exact words were: “I will take a look at your case. Something tells me you have something

And it was in that moment that I let go, that I surrendered, that things magically fell into place.

important to accomplish. But I can’t promise anything. Please have a seat and wait.”

I sat there in my seat, internally screaming and losing my mind. A tiny little seed of hope was left, but the main part of me gave up. I gave up on my dream because I was tired of struggling.

I had no more fight left in me. I was tired of not getting anywhere. I was tired of losing out on life. I could feel my dream slip away. I let it go and said to myself, “Alright God, I don’t want this anymore. I don’t want this dream. I don’t want this as my life’s purpose. I just want a simple life and if that means that I have to go back to Germany without anything to show for it, so be it. But I am done here.” I gave up… or maybe what I actually did was just surrender and let go of trying to control how that dream was supposed to unfold.

After a nerve-wracking three-hour wait, the officer called me back to his desk, asking me random questions. At the end he looked me in the eyes and said “Mrs. Thoss, I don’t know why, but I felt called to give you another chance. I will allow you to re-enter the U.S., however, you will have to promise me that if

things don’t fall into place within the next three months, that you will voluntarily leave the country. I’ll be keeping an eye on you.”

I immediately broke into tears and that tiny seed of hope grew just a little bit bigger. I saw the whole scenario as a sign that I am on my path. However, I continued to surrender to a higher, divine power because I had lost all sense of strength. There wasn’t anything left for me to fight with. I couldn’t control what would happen.

And it was in that moment that I let go, that I surrendered, that things magically fell into place.

After almost ten years from the time that I entered the United States as a nanny in April of 2009, I AM living the dream that I had twenty years ago. I am happily married and I’m dominating the stages, giving talks in English.

Being detached from the how, what, and when and letting go of trying to control every single turn on your path is what will turn your dreams into a reality. TD W

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Uncovering the New U

by SheNesia Ewing

When U let go of something, U no longer have control over it, U no longer care about what happens to it, and U don’t regret leaving it behind. When people say let go of your past and move on, it not as easy to do at times.

Why? Well, it sometimes has people we love and care about in it or we are attached to something that we know we could have or desire not to be without. The goal of “letting go” of your past is to move on and grow from the experience.

A part of our past carries painful memories would U agree? After letting go of anything we hope that it allows us to feel free and unbound. We desire to feel that weight has been lifted off our shoulders allowing us to shift left or right without any constraints. We tell ourselves that we let go but later feel frustrated, hurt, and down because we never

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understood why we even had to let it go.

Have U ever taken back something or someone from your past that U never understood why U did in the beginning? Later realizing that was a HUGE mistake? It is safe to say that there are probably many of us who have. Our past follows us whether we like it or not and simply “letting it go,” is not an option.

The way we view, react, and respond to life is shaped by our past. And It carries pieces of our lives that we desire not to always hold on. However, in the process of letting go of our past it requires some transition that we must sacrifice somethings, we must get to the heart of somethings, and we must prepare somethings.

Not everyone is meant to journey with us when we begin moving beyond our past.

Letting go requires us to change behaviors, thoughts, and actions which also includes making sacrifices.

The people and things around us can easily adapt to who we were in our past, especially if they are going through or doing the same things that caused this now transition we are seeking. We understand that not everyone will understand the need for change or the desire to do what is required in this process.

Letting go requires us to change behaviors, thoughts, and actions which also includes making sacrifices. We may have to give up on relationships, hanging out, jobs, materialistic things to shift from what may have lead us to this point in the first place. Some will not be willing to do that.

Secondly, we have to get to the heart of what got us to this point of now wanting to let go and how we even allowed it to come this far with us in life. We must pull the root and be willing to look at that root and accept it is a root to our pain or frustration and prepared to plant something new. The reason why we took back the person or went back to the old thing is because we never knew what the root looked like. Our root can generate as early as our childhood. We keep going through or doing the same things and never understanding why we react the way we do, say the things we say and even question why it has hurt us so much. We never got to the root of our pain. We allow it to feast and we blame the last person who may have hurt us instead of digging deep to pull the root. It is like a tooth when it hurts U put a topical gel on it. When U go to the doctor he will go to the source, the root, to see if any damage has been done. If it has, he pulls the root of the tooth out during a root canal and the pain disappears after a few days. Once U get to cause of it all, learn to accept how it got there, and why now is the time U must let it go to move on. It will stop the pain…

And lastly, we must prepare our minds to

shift into and open to new things. When U are letting go of your past U must be willing to prepare to learn and grow from what U are leaving behind. U cannot transition into something new if U are carrying the same behaviors, thoughts, and views forward that lead U into whatever U left behind. The same mindset will not help U create a new way of going forward. If U are constantly looking backward how will U ever move forward without running into something else? It does take time to do this. This is truly not an overnight process. There are tangible pieces of information U will learn, will have to seek, and will pick up along the way in your process that is essential to complete the transition of letting things go.

Letting go of your past will never be an easy process to accomplish. As U begin to let go of it, know that letting go bring clarity to what is ahead, allows value to be placed on your new, and it brings peace to know U don’t have to go back to what U left. The past is called the past for a reason and it is supposed to remain behind us but that, unfortunately, isn’t something that we always have control over. The reasons for a process of letting go is to ensure that we are prepared when in the attempt it catches up with us along the way or it begins to affect us in such a way that doesn’t allow us to be productive as we should.

It is time to let go of what is keeping us bound, it is time to let go of people or things who do not want us to change, and it is time to do it without regret, guilt, or shame. Letting go is a part of the growing process to become better versions of who we are to prepare for a better tomorrow.

There is no turning back now, it is time LET IT GO! TD W

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WITH NO APOLOGIES OR REGRETS The world as we know it is in a strong state of metamorphosis. Gone are the days where women are subservient. Gone are the days where we turn a blind eye.

It’s the dawning of a new age, the Feminine Age. Women the world over are finding their voice and gaining the strength to rise. We are uniting to lend our power and support to one another.

No more existing. No more self-sacrifice. No more playing it safe. No more denying yourself. No more hiding in the shadows.

Is this the year you’ll dare to dream?

Is this the year you’ll finally answer those longings in your heart? The year you’ll pay attention to what’s been nagging, gnawing at you for so long?

Is this the year you’ll take that first brave step towards designing and living a life you love? The one you’ve always wanted. The year you’ll step into your power?

Will this be the year you re-discover who you are; who you’ve always been? Will you take her out from the deep recesses of your heart and dust her off?

Now is your time Daring Woman. www.daretodreamconference.com 32

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Release Hate & Embrace Love

by Sandy Glaze Hatred is a low vibration emotion that causes issues for us and for the ones to whom hatred is projected onto. Hatred sickens our mind, body and soul. In a society focused on sickness, illness, dis-ease and death, hatred is one way of making ourselves sick.

Hatred affects our vision, our heart, our mind and our overall state of wellness.

The opposite practice of idolizing a person, place or thing unduly is equally as toxic.

You Never Change Things by Fighting the Existing Reality. To Change Something, Build a Better Model that Makes the Old Model Obsolete.

-Buckminster Fuller You Can’t Solve A Problem With The Same Thinking That Created It. - Albert Einstein

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Wiser words have rarely been spoken.

What are we waiting for? We don’t need anyone’s permission to start thinking outside the box.

Looking at the political duality taking place in America affords us the opportunity to examine the lengths people will go to in order to have their beliefs expressed through hate. Hatred does not work; this is not about judgement or to criticize, it is about finding a better way to help elevate the consciousness of the beautiful United States of America.

To not hate does not mean one has to embrace a person, place or thing. In fact, the fascination with idolizing politicians in America and elsewhere is astounding. When did it become the norm to treat politicians as if they are royalty? When did we revere these people whom we pay to serve the people? They serve us. If anyone is to be idolized; it is the people,

not the servants we pay to help organize the needs of the people. The current idolization of politicians is backwards and falsely raises their importance over the people.

can open space to start asking some serious questions about the effectiveness of our governments, regardless of which administration is in office.

To not love the politicians does not mean we have to express our wishes through hate. We should not be loving or valuing our politicians more than we do ourselves or each other.

We should not love or hate them regardless if they are operating in the current or previous administrations.

When we come from a place of judgement, we can allow our views and opinions to fire up our emotions which can make us sick physically and sick with worry which can easily morph into chronic anxiety or worse. Hatred is a form of self-abuse for it creates havoc in the bodies that live with the intensity of the emotion of hate.

When we take our fevered emotions out of the equation we are better equipped to look at what is in the best interest of all people, not the political elite.

When we let go of the need to feel indignant or righteous about who is doing what, we can assess what is, and what is not, working for the people.

Think of a politician you currently idolize. If we let go of the need to idolize, what score on a scale of 1-10 would you give them for efficiently doing their job? Hard to say isn’t it?

We rely on the media to tell us which raise questions for another time. Do the people even get to see what politician’s really do, or are we limited to what the media is allowed to show us? Do we really know what is really going on? Lack of information leaves us on pretty shaky ground to be judging from.

Is there a politician you have been falsely idolizing, assuming on some level that they are more valuable than your own self or the people around you?

Standing back and taking a series of deep breaths allows us to release any preconceived notions we have about anyone who is in political office. Does the current system work for the majority of the people? Is taxpayer money really being spent appropriately? Are the accounting measures for each department of government recorded and reported back to the people accurately?

When we let go of our indignation, we

We live in a time of incredible change. Many of us know on some level we are here at this pivotal point in time to help bring in changes that are desperately needed in the world.

For some people, they may feel the problems are too vast to be able to affect change by themselves, and nothing could be further from the truth.

We have incredible powers that we have forgotten to utilize. The power is our ability to use our conscious mind to set our intentions.

When we raise our level of consciousness to that of love, we can create a ripple effect around the world. When we raise our intention to send love to the world, we can change the vibration all around us.

Why not raise the vibration of the White House by sending Love to it regardless of who is walking the halls in that building. What if you could send a bubble of light and love consciously to someone in that building, would you do it? Send a bubble of light to someone, anyone you perceive to be in need of it, but only if you can let go of hatred first. To send it with a vindictive tone is vindictive and not what love is about. If you can clear yourself of any hatred and set the Pure intention of sending a loving bubble, would you fill it with love, light, gold, white and platinum sparkles with no strings attached or expectations of a defined outcome? To be able to send love to someone you perceive yourself to hate is very powerful and how we are going to elevate consciousness moving forward in these

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turbulent times.

That is key; send a bubble of unconditional love while wanting the best for the person whom you are sending it to. Unconditional love is very much a feminine quality and we all have it in us to share. There is nothing feminine about fighting and hatred.

If you can expand it, send the bubble of light to all members in the White House regardless which party they associate with or what their beliefs are. They need it—they all need it.

If you can let go of any biases or predispositions toward who is right, wrong, good or bad, you will free yourself from the desire to feel hate. Elevate all the politicians to want to do what is right for the people without naming or excluding anyone. We all matter.

There is a good chance that the public only sees what media is told to share with us. There is a good chance we are only seeing a portion of what we should be seeing, but that should not stop us from being able to send love to all of them unconditionally.

What good can happen if we come from a place of love? Can we change the consciousness on the planet by elevating our own frequency to that of love?

What are we waiting for? We can take action today and every day to consciously send love to everyone, to shine as a beacon of love.

We have the power to individually and interdependently change the energy around us. By consciously putting loving, kind, compassionate thoughts into the consciousness that surrounds us every day, in doing so, we unleash our own inner power.

We don’t have to wait until we feel whoever is in office is doing the right thing. We have the power to elevate our own consciousness while we wait to see what will happen next.

Are women part of the group who will affect change? Yes, I believe so. By heaping piles of love in the corners which appear to be dark, we can blow the winds in a different direction with kindness, love and compassion.

We Are That Powerful

Who will you send love to today? TD W

We have to go to the centre of our advanced consciousness that says “Not my candidate, but I can still send the intention of love and light and ask for the best outcome for everyone.”

For those who feel everything is wonderful the way it is, realize that for others that is not their reality, so send love to everyone.

Offer guidance and ask them to assist you in sending light and love to all people in the White House.

Including everyone, is a very unselfish way to 36

ask for the good of all involved.

The views and issues should stay out of the conversation; love all of them regardless of what you believe at this point in time.

If we can send love, we can send hate too, but that will project it back onto the person who chooses to send hate. Each person will have to ask themselves if they can send love without hate. Regardless of what you think is happening, send them all love.

Break the chain of hatred. This is how we change the future. We stop waiting for others to do the right thing; we elevate ourselves and others through the power of sending loving, kind and compassionate thoughts to everyone.

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That is the power we can harness, when we come from positive intention and want the best for everyone. That power is ours if we so choose.

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AWARENESS

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Let’s Build a Gender-Balanced World Balance is not a women’s issue, it’s a business issue. The race is on for the gender-balanced boardroom, a gender-balanced government, gender-balanced media coverage, a gender-balance of employees, more gender-balance in wealth, gender-balanced sports coverage ...Gender balance is essential for economies and communities to thrive.

So put your hands out and STRIKE THE #BalanceforBetter POSE and make International Women’s Day YOUR day - and do what you can to truly make a positive difference for women everywhere.

Post your #IWD2019 message on social media with your “hands out” balance pose for a strong call-to-action for others to also help forge a #BalanceforBetter. https://www.internationalwomensday.com/

MARCH 8, 2019 Today’s Daring Woman

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What is Sexy?

by Jenna Carlie

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If I could give advice to a younger generation, I would say have self-confidence and believe in yourself. One thing that helped me was knowing about Photoshop and how media is morphed. Models don’t look like that most of the time and to not feel self-conscious about myself in comparison to something that isn’t

100% real and is definitely not all that’s out there. Don’t shape yourself based on what you think someone else will be attracted to. It’s more important for girls to be powerful, have great minds, great skills, and great kindness, than it is to have a beautiful shell.

Women shouldn’t have to rely on men for validation, but that is how our society has set things up.

WHAT SOCIETY THINKS IS SEXY

WHAT SHAKIRA THINKS IS SEXY

Shakira When I think of media, I think of the music industry, like rap and hip-hop videos. They portray females a certain way and when you’re growing up viewing that material it makes you think, damn I wanna look like that; I wanna be sexy like that.

The image of women they show as sexy, is light skinned, red boned, long pretty hair, slim waist, big butt, big thighs and that’s about it.

They want them to be super light-skinned; the dark-skinned girls aren’t as valued. And f*ck, why should I feel less about myself because my skin is darker than the next chic?

The media presents women in such messed up ways. It makes me mad because our young females feel like they have to present

themselves in a certain way to be valued & get approval from a man. When really, it’s up to us as a society, to teach our young men that women are more than just objects.

When I was growing up people were always telling me, you’re fat, you’re fat. So I was always wondering, how can I lose weight or be all these other things. I struggled for a really long time trying to figure out how to love me for me...Now as an adult, I realize, either you’re gonna like me or you’re not; either way I’m still gonna look like this, regardless of what you want. I’m voluptuous, I’m a big girl, and now I love it…I love everything about it in fact; it keeps me warm at night and I don’t even need a man for that; it’s like...I’m good.

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When people found out what happened to me, they called me a slut for it and stopped talking to me.

WHAT SOCIETY THINKS IS SEXY

WHAT LAUREN THINKS IS SEXY

Lauren Media is a really difficult thing to talk about because a lot of the ways media affects us is in ways we don’t think about.

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comfortable with receiving compliments.

There is a lot of talk about rape and how media influences and perpetuates rape. I was raped from age fourteen to sixteen. The first time it happened, I was in a car on the way home and he stopped in front of my boyfriend’s house and raped me for the first time.

When I have told men who I am romantically involved with that I was raped, they always ask me right after if they can do BDSM stuff to me (B: Bondage & Discipline, D: Domination & Submission, M: Sadism & Masochism).

Even when I tell them I am not okay with that, they want to choke me and tie me up. This is literally right after they learn I am a rape victim or the next time we are in bed together.

After it happened I became more withdrawn and didn’t want to be around my friends or talk about it. I felt like killing myself, but I couldn’t talk about it with anyone because if you tell someone, you’re immediately put into a white room and expected to tell everyone what happened to you.

I am always really cautious about this response, for obvious reasons, but also because when you have been raped, your likelihood of being raped again goes way up.

I can’t even really explain how bad it feels to get this response from someone that I am becoming intimate with or falling in love with.

And if you’re not ready to do that then, just nothing, nothing can happen. You can’t talk about it or do anything about it and you’re basically just on your own. I realized I had zero agency over myself. When people found out what happened to me, they called me a slut for it and stopped talking to me. People would throw things at me in class and were always laughing at me and I felt like if someone said something that was nice, they were just making fun of me. Now, I am not very

When I talk about it, some people stick around because they see me as a victim and see me as somebody they can do these things to. And some people have fantasies about rape and think I will be into it and also think it is a “good” way for me to work through what happened to me.

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Ugh…yeah, people have a lot of ideas of how I should work through what happened to me.

I use my past to empower myself now.

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WHAT SAYLOR THINKS IS SEXY

Saylor When we’re young, we are trying to figure out what being a girl is all about...We’re bombarded with sexualized imagery from a very young age which affects our mentality around sex and what it should be like. We see media representation of sex before we even have sex, we see it in tv, movies, billboards, music videos, magazines, we see examples of women orgasming everywhere.

And because of this, it’s hard for a woman experiencing sex for the first time, to fully let herself go. Especially if you’re focusing on what its “supposed” to be like and trying to experience what they look like they’re experiencing, instead of just enjoying it and not judging yourself based on what you’ve seen. There is a study...women who watched porn before they ever had sex, were far less likely to reach orgasm than the girls who had never watched porn.

The piece I am posing with is a sculpture I made of a female with her legs, arms and head removed, she is like a sectional. She is spread eagle, an over sexualized pose, the white

plaster represents purity before sex and talks about race. If you watch porn, the amount of white females plastered all over the screen is obvious. Porn isn’t just this thing I study and make work about, it definitely contributed to how I interact with my partners, my sexuality, how I feel about my body and the way I look.

I got into posing nude...so I could become more of the female standard I saw in media.

I wanted to be that attractive and I thought that was the only way to do it, since those were the type of images people obsessed over. It’s sick and f*cked up and my body was a consequence of the imagery we are flooded with.

I use my past to empower myself now. I make a lot of work about these issues, like the plaster sex-tional I am posed with. I truly feel my best, when I am messing around in my workshop, making my art, being free and finding ways to talk about these heavy issues in a more light hearted or comical way, or at least start a conversation about these issues.

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If I could change one thing about the fashion industry, it would be to show how bodies are different.

WHAT SOCIETY THINKS IS SEXY

WHAT PERSEPHONNE THINKS IS SEXY

Persephonne I always had depression, but it became very apparent my sophomore year of high school, after my dad was diagnosed with cancer for the second time. I really wasn’t doing well and I was hospitalized after trying to kill myself.

After that my school stopped viewing me as a valuable member of the community. They started suggesting, maybe you shouldn’t go here anymore, maybe you should go somewhere else, maybe you don’t belong here. I’m not sure why our society treats people with mental illnesses like they are the plague.

I always felt depressed, but I just kind of see it as an undercurrent of my whole life and I never really fit in, physically or otherwise. I realized I was never gonna be the popular girl, so I went on the typical trajectory to be the biggest nerd anybody had ever seen. As I got older, I looked more like people in magazines because I’m tall and blonde; it’s like seeing myself in magazines but then not being able to do it as well. Not being as successful as my body type tells me I should be. I mean I don’t look like that anymore, but back then it was a weird kind of relationship; the media said to be tall and skinny, yet I was an outsider for being tall and skinny and standing out from everyone else at school. It forced me away from people and more towards books, since books couldn’t judge me.

I feel that because of my mental illness, being an artist and being a woman, most of my feelings are discredited and I won’t really be 44

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talked about seriously until after I’m dead. You don’t often hear people talk about women with mental illnesses until they have killed themselves. Or you don’t hear people talk about influential women in general until long after their death, like Emily Dickinson or Sylvia Plath.

So, when you asked me, how would society want to view me, I was thinking, just dead.

The more you struggle with a mental illness the more people don’t want to see you and don’t want you visible in this world. And then surprise, you become visible once you’re gone.

I’m an apparel designer and if I could change one thing about the fashion industry, it would be to show how bodies are different. I’ve always wanted to make a line of clothing that was accessible to everyone regardless of body type, gender, age or physical ability. It is so important that people see people that look like them, wearing fashion and being represented and respected. It’s so ridiculous that high fashion is reserved for a specified market, for a very rarefied body type.

When actually everyone wears clothes, so shouldn’t clothing be up for everyone? I hope that in the future we can see a media that reflects what people actually look like. All we show in fashion magazines is skinny white people wearing pretty clothes. Why can’t we show more types?

The problem with models is they create this stereotype that everyone should be a stick figure, which is just not true at all. Look around you, everyone looks different, and that’s OK!

WHAT SOCIETY THINKS IS SEXY

WHAT NASHRA THINKS IS SEXY

Nashra There is a huge difference between the clothes I wear and the comments I receive about my clothes in America versus Pakistan. In Pakistan, I always have to be covered completely.

Whereas when I’m here (America) I can wear whatever I want and do whatever I want, then I feel more comfortable being myself.

Although here, people will cat call me, even if I’m not wearing something revealing. I have had men ask me what my breast size is, randomly on the street. That makes me really uncomfortable.

So in that regard, I like Pakistan more because it’s such a conservative environment and no one can really ask you that. So, there are ups and downs to both. I also love the clothes in Pakistan, they are really beautiful, but there are way too many restrictions. I love red, it’s my favorite color, I think everyone looks good in red no matter. Pretty much red is the color of all the western clothes I own.

In terms of what Pakistani society considers beautiful, that would be traditional Pakistani clothes for formal events, where everything is covered, even your hair. When I came to America I was still very careful about what I wore and was pretty covered up. After a while, I started to dress more westernized, it felt better, I felt more free and comfortable. My parents understand I dress a little differently here to fit in, but they don’t know I wear sleeveless dresses, they would never be okay with that. In fashion shows in Pakistan, the women are in dresses that touch the ground

and in America you can be naked.

What was depicted in Pakistani imagery was always super skinny, super tall girls and that’s pretty much it. The problem with models is they create this stereotype that everyone should be a stick figure, which is just not true at all. Look around you, everyone looks different, and that’s OK! I mean, I didn’t accept that fast, it took time, but eventually I came to terms with it. And I have larger boobs and each time they grew bigger I would cry and research breast reductions.

In the fashion industry you mostly see girls with a cup size B, there aren’t many large breasted women featured in fashion magazines and that made me insecure about my cup size. In Pakistan they would phrase it like, Nashra is kind of heavy from the top, like it’s a bad thing. In Pakistan it’s ALL about whose thinner and who has the lightest skin. I personally don’t like pale skin, I like to be tan, while everyone else will put on fair and lovely, a chemical which lightens up your skin, and on the flip side, in America people will go to tanning beds.

In Pakistan they idealize western looks, they want light hair, light eyes, light skin. It’s your looks that make you a good bride in Pakistan… nothing else. I have always tried to fight against stuff I disagree with; I think that’s a better way to live life, than to just be a puppet.

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As a more mature woman, I accept myself & have a relationship with my body that’s not dependent on giving ownership to anyone else.

WHAT SOCIETY THINKS IS SEXY

WHAT LIZ THINKS IS SEXY

Liz Growing up, I lived in a conservative town in the south where women are called southern belles, but I was never considered one. My parents influenced my self worth the most, my dad put a lot of pressure on my mom about her looks, which she projected onto me. For a long time I based my self worth only on my appearance. If I lost weight, I would get texts from my parents saying, “I’m so proud of you”.

It took me a long time to realize that’s not a reason to be proud of someone. Now as a more mature woman, I accept myself and have a relationship with my body that’s not dependent on giving ownership to anyone else.

Being aware that women are thought of as less is an issue that needs to be addressed. I love my parents, but they have serious lenses that distort how they view the world. It’s important that men are aware when they’re catcalling or other things like that, it makes us unequal & their defenses further downgrade us, like the “I was just kidding, chill out” or “you’re being so over dramatic”. This is the most basic example I can think of, but there are larger issues of inequality that span from similar mentalities, like pay inequality, etc.

To see what media portrays as “sexy”, look at any Cosmo mag; it gives you examples on how you should present yourself, when in reality it should be about, what you feel comfortable in.

My favorite quote is by Tina Fey, “…add to the laundry list of attributes women must have to qualify as beautiful. Now every girl is expected 46

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to have Caucasian blue eyes, full Spanish lips, a classic button nose, hairless Asian skin with a California tan, a Jamaican dance hall ass, long Swedish legs...abs of a lesbian gym owner, the hips of a nine year old boy...and doll tits.”

By industry standards “being sexy” is nearly impossible.

The mannequin limbs I’m posing with are meant to compare things that are consumer created, plastic and perfect versus the real human.

What are these parts and why is she fondling them?

She thinks, could this leg be a section of a sex doll that came in the mail for my husband? He doesn’t want me but wants this plastic body?

There is this feeling that she isn’t good enough, she cannot fulfill her husband’s desires. She obsesses over it and does whatever she can to become it; because then he will want her again.

At the end of it all, what does that say about our society: a man who would prefer a plastic sex doll to his wife and a woman who would change everything for someone else? What does that say about people’s ability to get off to something that isn’t even real? What does that say about people’s ability to love themselves or others for who they are naturally?

Nobody is teaching us to love our bodies as they are…I wish women could see they are beautiful without anyone else having to tell them first.

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WHAT MOMOCA THINKS IS SEXY

Momoca The first images that come to mind when I think of sexy are women wearing revealing clothing, with photoshopped bodies, being used as objects. I was raised opposite to this.

I was taught modesty was more important & showing skin was bad. This worked for me since I was insecure about showing my skin as I have hyperpigmentation, whenever I get hurt my skin gets dark and leaves a mark. I try to cover up the scars because I don’t want anyone to see them. I always look at my peers or at magazines and see that everyone has perfectly clear skin.

The first thing I notice when I meet someone is their skin, when you’re insecure about something that’s what you focus on and notice first in others.

When I was growing up, my mom’s friends would try to compliment me, but they always told me I was too skinny and I should eat more, even though I ate a lot. This made me self-conscious about my body, like how I look naturally isn’t good and I should change it because I was too skinny. Which is completely contradictory from what the media tells us. The media says you can never be skinny enough, it portrays women who are so skinny their hip bones and rib cages are showing, but they are the ideal. And here I am, being told I am too

skinny. These types of contradictions make growing up and accepting your body difficult and confusing. Nobody is teaching us to love our bodies as they are. I wish more women thought they were beautiful & didn’t have to deal with all these mixed messages coming from media & society. I wish women could see they are beautiful without anyone else having to tell them first.

I feel the most confident when I am making Cosplay outfits, creating characters and acting them out. I get to live out something I wouldn’t normally get to do on a day-to-day basis. For me it’s a form of empowerment because I feel self-assured when I step into a different character. If a character I Cosplay is strong, then I feel strong, and I try to hold on to those feelings after I leave that character.

I was taught growing up that I should be more of the traditional standard, a symbolic reference to this ideal is the traditional Chinese dress. They wore these dresses back then since it was beautiful to be round, that was the standard. The dress doesn’t even show your waist; it’s based on your bust & flows down from there. The Cosplay is more about me being free to behave, dress, and feel how I want...and reveal more skin if I wanted to.

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WHAT SOCIETY THINKS IS SEXY

WHAT SVETLANA THINKS IS SEXY

Svetlana Sexy is subjective. The word sexy is defined as something stimulating, exciting, or sexually arousing so it means something different to everyone. There are no right or wrong ideas about what is sexy unless it leads to the subjugation of any gender. In my adolescent years I struggled with low self-esteem because my definition of sexy was based only on aesthetics and my perception of beauty came from glossy magazines. I was very petite and had no butt or boobs, so I’d fall for all the marketing tactics that promised to add curves to my body.

I’m from Russia and the first six years of my life were spent in an orphanage, because my mother and father were drug abusers. I was extremely malnourished for those six years, which is why my body is so petite. They had so much control over us in the orphanage, it was like a prison. There was a garden with flowers, but we were always kept away from it. If we behaved, they said they would let us walk in the garden; but they never actually did. It was used as a tool to make us feel like we had no power.

Most people consider it rude to comment on the weight of people who have extra fat, but for some reason that rule doesn’t apply to skinny people. Almost everyone who meets me makes a comment about my petite frame as if I’m a phenomenon of nature. People say things like: do you eat at all, what is your secret, do you shop in the kids department, you look gross, and so on. I’ve had strangers yell at me to eat a burger, there is so much aggression, just because I’m petite.

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I tried to eat over 5,000 calories a day to gain weight and it didn’t work. The comments got under my skin and I went through a period of trying anything to get curves. People come in different shapes and sizes and one type is not better than another. In my opinion, anyone who makes fun of others for their size, is someone who lacks character.

It wasn’t until I was older, at age 27, that I felt sexy in my own skin. This change was due to several factors, the most prominent being a change in career. I decided to become an entrepreneur and start my own clothing company. I read endlessly about entrepreneurship, leadership and interpersonal psychology. I became obsessed with female leaders and how they carried themselves. My perception and my way of thinking started changing. I also have an amazing boyfriend who I’ve been with for 6 years, he always tells me I’m beautiful inside and out. It took me believing that about myself for his words to mean anything.

My idea of sexy is intelligence mixed with kindness and a sprinkle of adventure. I actually rarely use the term sexy anymore and opt instead for beautiful or engaging. For those of you who have experienced or are currently experiencing body shaming, don’t let it get to you. Instead focus on working towards your dreams and on people who inspire you.

Most people consider it rude to comment on the weight of people who have extra fat, but for some reason that rule doesn’t apply to skinny people.

We need a variety of people represented in media because it’s human nature to feel accepted when you see others who are similar to you.

WHAT SOCIETY THINKS IS SEXY

WHAT NAOMI THINKS IS SEXY

Naomi What affected my self-worth and identity the most growing up was definitely media because I lived in a rural town and everyone would watch TV all the time. That was our inlet to the world.

Reading Seventeen magazine also affected me because I was constantly viewing all these beauty tips that were supposed to empower girls and make them feel better, but it was always a white girl with straight hair. Because the beauty industry is so targeted, you really have to search for the niche beauty market that applies to you. Growing up I always looked at women who were successful, I noticed that none of them ever looked like me. And what pisses me off the most is not getting to hear from different voices in media or life in general.

I have done a lot of things to my body because I didn’t feel good enough. I remember I would sit in the sun for hours with peroxide on my skin because I thought it would bleach my hair. And I would apply a bunch of chemical processes to get my hair straighter, which is really bad for it.

Black people in media have always had to make their hair look more like white people’s hair, which is one of the reasons people don’t see natural black hair often, if at all. I don’t even know what my natural hair texture looks like, which is a pretty fundamental knowledge one should have. As a kid my mom would

chemically straighten my hair, so my hair has always been changed in some way. I’ve always had fake hair or straight hair. If you want real human hair or a nice weave, which are more socially acceptable, that’s gonna cost you a lot.

There is literally so much thought that goes into doing your hair as a black woman.

Also, my body is something that’s difficult to deal with. Most clothing isn’t made specifically for people of color. People of color are shaped differently than white people. Of course, there is the stereotype that black girls have big butts and big boobs and are curvy, but that is not always true.

But the ratio from hip to waist to bust is usually different and more extreme than the average white person. They don’t show my body type in the media because I am very curvy, my measurements are a strange ratio, I’m short; which means I’m not considered ideal for television and photography, or basically anything.

We need a variety of people represented in media because it’s human nature to feel accepted when you see others who are similar to you. I think growing up, coming into who I am as a person and my sexuality really changed my life for the better. I think being yourself, is actually really hard and people underestimate that.

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WHAT SOCIETY THINKS IS SEXY

WHAT KATIE THINKS IS SEXY

Katie There is this thing with the fetishization of the Asian woman. They make her overly sexualized like a doll and submissive. I picked the Lolita dress because in Asian culture girls dress up as dolls, wear lacy things and are doe-eyed.

Playing on the cute factor is a form fetishization because Asian women are seen more as objects than as actual women.

I feel pressure to be feminine because if I don’t try, people will think I’m butch. Sometimes I just want to wear a suit and tie, but it starts becoming an issue when it comes to romantic relationships, because the way you dress definitely influences who is going to approach you.

These days, I’m trying to dress more for myself, but there’s still a bit of, ‘well maybe you should wear a skirt instead of a pants suit or maybe you should try to put more makeup on or try to do stuff with your hair.’

I grew up in Chicago in a predominantly white neighborhood, so there weren’t many Asian influences. I was confused because my Eastern features were so different than my Western friends. I asked myself, should I look more Western, or look more like the fetish objects of Asian culture, or the stereotypical smart brainy Asian.

The media has not helped with my Eastern identity; there is a lack of Asian representation in media. You have maybe one or two really prominent people like, Lucy Liu, but she’s one person. And then there is whitewashing 50

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in movies, especially when it comes to Asian parts.

Whitewashing is when you have a role that historically is supposed to be played by another ethnicity but instead is filled by a Caucasian actor. As I grew up I did not see Asian characters, animated or otherwise.

When you don’t see your type in the media it makes you feel a bit weird. Once you realize you don’t have representation, you start trying to understand why. Had I seen more actors of my ethnicity I would have been able to relate.

Representation on the silver screen is so important.

I’ve struggled with beauty standards all of my life and still do. It’s really tricky when you aren’t someone who falls into the typical American beauty standards, like me. And when you don’t have the Asian role models to relate to. You just have to grow up and out of the narrow beauty standards fed by the media, you have to start shaping your own ideas or else you will live your whole life thinking, well then, I’m just not pretty.

The idea of sexy definitely deals with concepts of glamour and perfect physical attributes. I know I’m not “sexy”; I wake up in the morning and I look like a carrot. But you see, I cannot and do not want to live up to these concepts of what it takes to be “sexy”. The concepts of “what is sexy” should be changed, to be more inclusive and to bring light to different types of beauty. Until then, I will just have to find a way to see myself as sexy carrot.

People have expected me to teach them how to Twerk and other weird things that they suppose a black American should do.

WHAT SOCIETY THINKS IS SEXY

WHAT ZOE THINKS IS SEXY

Zoe I had a very healthy upbringing and my family is very important to me. We moved a lot, I was born in the United States and then I moved back to Nigeria when I was four. We visited the US every year, so I got to identify with being an American citizen but being Nigerian. I am not sure which one I feel more comfortable identifying with because I sort of feel like a chameleon in both places. In Nigeria, sometimes I don’t feel Nigerian enough and then I ask myself, what does it actually mean to be an American in this country. I consider myself Nigerian first and then the additional identity of an American. Every American has different privileges depending on how they look – like a white American versus a black American, or any other color in America.

Society pre-judges people based off of their skin color - and that in turn opens and closes doors for two different types of Americans in their own country.

People have expected me to teach them how to Twerk and other weird things that they suppose a black American should do. Even

though I am not African American, that’s how they saw me and that’s what they put on me.

There is a different in being African American and a black American. I had to navigate through that space by clearing the air and explaining, “I’m actually African.” When I first came to America and I heard the term person of color, I was like what? It was weird for me because I realized that everyone who wasn’t white was referred to as a person of color. And that didn’t sit well with me, because everyone is a color. The human color spectrum is so diverse, I see it as ranging from the whitest white to the darkest dark, rather than seeing white as this blank piece of paper and black as the other.

Someone freshman year of college said, “Wow I really like your style, you’re very Afrocentric.”

Because I wore traditional Nigerian fabric, I said, “Well I’m not Afrocentric. Afrocentric infers that I’m putting on an African “inspired” look, but I’m actually just being myself, I’m wearing what I know, where I come from, these are the clothes we wear back home.

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WHAT SOCIETY THINKS IS SEXY

WHAT REDAT THINKS IS SEXY

Redat I was born in Ethiopia and everything was fine. But my mom died. Then I was in the orphanage. Then I came here (to America).

When I say Ethiopia, I don’t want to only talk about the negative things about my country.

I love my country and there are a lot of great things about it; there are a lot of bad too. Just like everywhere else in the world. Rape is really common in Ethiopia; like for someone to be raped when they are young is not news, it just happens.

Growing up over there was so different. People there are definitely friendlier, and you know your neighbors and you’re always playing outside. We didn’t have video games, we didn’t really watch TV, we only maybe watched TV on Saturday. So it was very active and a lot of playing outside together.

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going. They have a dream; they have a goal.

They know the kind of life they want to live and they go for it.

I think the biggest problem in the way we represent women is that they only care about our boobs and butts. There is more to us than boobs and butts…and…twerking. We have brains. We’re not just an object. It makes me sad. All of us are made differently, just look around; not everybody looks the same…So who are they? Whoever they are, to decide what’s beautiful?

I never had a problem with my self-esteem growing up. I had an older sister that I always looked up to. She did really amazing in school and other people looked up to her as well. She was a great role model, so I was really okay when it came to how I felt about myself.

As a designer...I want you to feel classy and sexy at the same time. I don’t want you to put on clothes to impress somebody; you wear what you wanna wear because you wanna look beautiful for yourself. The fashion industry plays a huge role in all of this…so big. There was a fashion ad where a woman was being held down aggressively by a bunch of men.

It’s so sad that the defense was: well it sells, so we’re gonna do it. Maybe they don’t realize how many women are getting raped, or maybe they don’t care.

You know the industry I’m going into; I mean the fashion industry. Well there is a lot to say about all of it. The media definitely portrays women like they are just objects. And everyone knows what the “ideal” woman portrayed looks like: straight hair, tall, curves, skinny, colored eyes. But the ideal woman to me is someone that knows who they are and where they are

A lot of men think they can do whatever they want to a woman just because of how she is dressed, like “she wanted it”. They have the mentality of: I see, I want, so I’m gonna get it, no matter what. They don’t see us like humans; they see us as objects, as a trophy, that they want to get. TD W

Today’s Daring Woman

Your Past is Your Present

by Keely Wells Let go of the feelings you had in the past but not the past itself. The past is probably the most important part of your present, and of course, without it you wouldn’t be here today.

Everyone has a story, everyone has fought a battle, gone through some form of tragedy or something that they have had to fight.

I think remembering that fight is key, but letting go of those emotions and triggering feelings one felt during the fight is crucial...

It’s like you’re an actor (bear with me). You have an actor, let’s call him Kevin. Kevin can slip into Hamlet and then when he leaves the stage he can go back to being Kevin. Then he can slip into all kinds of different roles, eventually going on to win the Oscar!

Then you have Alex the other type of actor, who, when he finishes playing Hamlet he is a total MESS, and now can only play the role of Hamlet and no other character for the rest of his life… (well what he has left of it). I’d want to be Kevin. Sensory memory is important but being able to be in control of it, to tap in and tap out and only using it when you choose, allows you to be the driver of your vessel. I had an amazing friend and acting coach who said (parental control on this next sentence…) “when you are ‘masturbating’ in your emotion, it’s all for yourself and no one wants to see that… and then when you are open, listening, in control and free with your emotion you are having really great sex.”

I remember coming out of my tragedy. There

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was a defining point. For some people I don’t think it is always so poignant or definite but there’s always a moment you realise a part of the terror has lifted. For me my health was starting to get better and not worse for the first time in a long time. I remember going through a sort of ‘mourning’ stage, as if I was grieving my tragedy. In actual fact I was just adjusting to a very different way of life but it was such a big part of me it felt like I was losing a part of my being. I couldn’t shake the memories from years of pain. PTSD was very strong. I refused therapy. I had had enough of doctors and had a previous bad experience with counselling.

So what I did was fill my time with anything that took my mind away from my mind… I soon realised that covering up the pain was only making things worse.

I was blessed when the same acting coach told me to “Own my shit”. I started to see what I could give, and what I could channel all this agony into… and soon enough I started letting go of the feeling I felt. I didn’t have to go back into that place where I was. I could just notice it, acknowledge and remember the memories but not feel or re-live the experience. I am no expert but I am sure applying this to any traumatic experience could prove helpful. It certainly saved the next chapter of my life. Let go and live in the show. TD W

Be good to people for no reason #IMADARINGWOMAN 54

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EXHIBIT & SPONSOR OPPORTUNITIES AT

Are you looking to dramatically increase your brand visibility?

Take advantage of the opportunity to have your business prominently showcased in numerous ways to help you achieve your goals and get in front of your target market.

Multiple levels of conference sponsorship opportunities are available.

Contact Mia@DaringWomanInc.com

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BUSINESS IMPACT SPOTLIGHT

by Mia Mahaney,

Dare to Dream Summit Sponsor

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When it comes to educating our children about their sexual health, we need to let go of fear, let go of discomfort, and let go of excuses. However, as we all know, this can be easier said than done. And, these challenges can be difficult to overcome, especially if we’re unprepared and lacking resources or support.

So, as parents and trusted adults, how do we prepare ourselves? How do we overcome any awkwardness or discomfort to best educate our children?

Despite what people may think, creating an impact isn’t limited solely to charities, meganame influencers, or even social enterprises.

Melissa Carnagey, the founder of Sex Positive Families (SPF) is one such person. And, if you’re struggling to find resources to educate and prepare your family, she’s here to help.

Her business dedicates itself to creating an impact and providing educational support for parents and caring adults to strengthen sexual health talks with the children in their lives.

Recently, I had the opportunity to interview Melissa and find out more about her story and the tremendous impact she’s creating through her business.

Mia: So, what inspired you to create Sex Positive Families?

Melissa: My personal and professional experiences inspired SPF. I grew up in a home where sex was not openly talked about, so I didn’t have mentorship or support around what was going on with my body, relationships or sexual decision making. It left me with a lot of confusion and shame over things that are actually natural and normal.

So, when I became a parent 20 years ago, I knew I wanted to create healthier opportunities for my children. That’s where sex-positive parenting was born for me, though I didn’t know it by a fancy name then.

It was just the act of keeping early, open talks with my kids.

Then, as a professional working in sexual

health over the years, I met many clients and patients whose decisions and health outcomes had a lot to do with whether they had quality sex and support around their sexual health from people in their life. So, two years ago, I had the idea to start my own business to offer education and support to parents and caring adults, to help make the journey of raising sexually healthy children, who can grow into informed and empowered adults, easier.

Mia: Your mission at SPF is to provide educational support for parents and caring adults to strengthen sexual health talks with the children in their lives. Were you seeing a huge need for this support?

Melissa: The day after I had the idea of starting SPF, CNN published an article talking about how parents often do not see themselves as the highest influencers when it comes to their teen’s sexual decision making, yet their teens feel it is their parents who have the most influence.

I took this as a further sign that I needed to create resources that bring greater confidence to parents and caregivers around sexual health talks with their kids.

Two years later, the demand for our workshops and online resources steadily increases and we have a community of over 24,000 parents and caring adults who are plugged into our content. It’s been affirmed many times over that the parents of today want to do better for their kids and give them the sexual health knowledge they missed out on in their early years.

Mia: What do you find are the largest barrier(s) to your work?

Melissa: There are many gatekeepers when it comes to providing sexuality education- laws, school systems, media, and even parents.

We live in such a sex-negative and repressive culture that often only elevates sex when it feeds capitalism. This leads to young people not receiving the knowledge and support that

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could keep them safer as they navigate their bodies, consent, relationships and the world around them.

If we want to stop #MeToo from recurring in our future, we have to make comprehensive sex education available and we cannot avoid early and ongoing talks about sexual health with the children in our world.

Mia: How are you able to overcome those barriers to create impact?

Melissa: Social media has been an amazing tool to reach people from around the world.

I’ve found more freedom and flexibility on social media than I could have exercised working in non-profits or government agencies.

I’m able to say what needs to be said and spark dialogue around sexual health in diverse communities.

Visibility has helped me to build meaningful relationships with people and organizations

who are in gatekeeping positions. These connections are giving me an ‘in’ where this work might not otherwise exist and it’s creating incredible change in homes and communities.

I’m grateful to be serving in this way.

Mia: Do you have any last advice to our readers about consent, safety, and relationships?

Melissa: Listen to the signals your body tells you. Trust and prioritize yourself. Don’t be anywhere or with anyone that does not bring you joy.

Mia: If families are looking for more resources, where can you be found?

Melissa: I host many free resources on my website (sexpositivefamilies.com), but I can also be found on all the major social media channels, like Facebook (@sexpositivefamilies), Instagram (@sexpositive_families), and Twitter (@sex_positivefam). TD W

The Daring Woman P O D C A S T Showcasing incredible women who have heartwarming stories to tell of their journey to becoming an empowered woman.

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#GIVINGTUESDAY

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#GivingTuesday is a global day of giving, celebrated on the Tuesday following Thanksgiving. #GivingTuesday kicks off the charitable season, when many focus on their holiday and endof-year giving. It’s a day to showcase, honor, and support people and organizations that are working hard to make a change in the world.

Why though, should #GivingTuesday be just once a year?

Giving is easy and should be done on a daily

basis. Whether it’s a small donation to a charity, or a simple smile as you pass a stranger, we all have a gift within us to share. Each week, Daring Woman features an organization dedicated to helping empower women around the world.

We ask for one simple thing…for those organizations that really resonate with you, and you have the ability to help, please send them a $5 gift to help.

That’s all we’re asking for – $5 when you can, to those organizations that call to you.

MADI Apparel

MADI Apparel, (which stands for Make a Difference Intimate Apparel), is a line of elegant, ecofriendly underwear, and lounge wear, that donates a new pair of underwear to women in domestic violence shelters, homeless shelters and rape crisis centers for every MADI garment purchased.

Buy one, give one. MADI is the TOMS Shoes of underwear. Why underwear? Underwear tops the most urgent needs list of nearly every domestic violence and homeless shelter and rape crisis center. Those organizations receive clothing and household goods donations, but rarely new underwear. Another plus, the underwear, and lounge wear are made in the US from viscose from bamboo, beautiful high-end fabric that is self wicking, antimicrobial, and quick drying so women in need can hand wash and hang dry a pair overnight – important for women with little access to washers. Not only is the bamboo fabric very sustainable, MADI is a woman-owned small business and they hire woman-owned cut and sew teams to manufacture the underwear in the US, substantially lowering their carbon footprint.

MADI Donations is the 501(c)3 arm of MADI Apparel. MADI Donations has partnered with a local homeless organization with a large sewing program to teach at-risk women to sew the donation pairs or underwear. Once they successfully complete their apprenticeship, MADI Apparel (the for-profit) will contract with them to sew the donation underwear. They make money, learn the skills they need to be part of the garment industry workforce, and toss aside their barriers to employment. A win – win.

So far, MADI has donated over 5,000 pairs of underwear to women in need through 26 partnered organizations including domestic violence shelters, homeless shelters, rape crisis centers and international aid organizations. https://www.madiapparel.com/pages/donate 60

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Water for People

2.1 billion people around the world don’t have access to safe water and 4.5 billion lack access to adequate sanitation. Women and children spend more than four hours walking for water each day, and more than 840,000 people die each year from water-related diseases.

Water For People exists to promote the development of high-quality drinking water and sanitation services, accessible to all, and sustained by strong communities, businesses, and governments.

We’re working to reach Everyone Forever. https://www.waterforpeople.org/donate

Nursing Mothers Counsel Nursing Mothers Counsel (NMC) was founded in Palo Alto in 1955 by a group of women who breastfed their children at a time when there was a lack of accurate information and support for breastfeeding. These mothers formed an organization to provide free counseling to new moms on a one-to-one basis, offering support for the best and most natural nutrition in an era when formula was the “modern” way to feed babies. NMC continues with the same philosophy today.

The organization was originally called Nursing Mothers Anonymous, but a few years later became known as Nursing Mothers Counsel. The NMC members felt that mothers needed advice and encouragement to learn to breastfeed. They believed it was up to the mother when to stop breastfeeding, and that the mother could easily fit breastfeeding into her active life. https://www.nursingmothers.org/donate

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AiRS (Alliance in Reconstructive Surgery)

The AiRS Foundation is a non-profit founded by Janet Denlinger and Morgan Hare, women whose success in business motivated them to find a way to give back to our community. To that end, they asked Dr. Rod Rohrich, the founding Chairman of the Department of Plastic Surgery at the University of Texas Southwestern Medical Center, to suggest ways he felt they could make a difference. He told them about the issues related to breast reconstruction surgery after mastectomy, and that led to the beginning of establishing the AiRS Foundation.

The Foundation works in partnership with physicians in the United States, providing the resources necessary to make this surgery an option for women who would not otherwise have access to breast reconstruction. They partner with health care providers, health care centers and other groups to promote this service and teach other professionals and educators to carry on this work while supporting advances in health care research. http://airsfoundation.org/make-a-difference/give/

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reading EMPOWERED

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f

10 Titles To Pick Up

Breakup Positive

Turn Your Heartbreak Into Happiness

by Kris Perelmutter

The Truths We Hold An American Journey

by Kamala Harris

Minimalism

Live a Meaningful Life

by Joshua Fields Millburn & Ryan Nicodemus

Can’t Hurt Me

Master Your Mind and Defy the Odds

by David Goggins

Badass Affirmations

The Wit and Wisdom of Wild Women

by Becca Anderson

NOW!

Women Rowing North Navigating Life’s Currents and Flourishing as We Age

Hard Work, Low Pay, and a Mother’s Will to Survive

by Stephanie Land

by Mary Pipher

Take Control of Your Life

A Sucky Love Story

by Mel Robbins

by Brittani Louise Taylor

How to Silence Fear and Win the Mental Game

Maid

Unhappily Ever After

The Unwinding of the Miracle A Memoir of Life, Death, and Everything that Comes After

by Julie Yip-Williams

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wellness

HEALTH &

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5 in 15 Minutes!

Why You Need to Move Your Body at Work

by Amanda Gazzola

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Are you struggling when it comes to getting to your workout?

Are you feeling emotional at work and sometimes need to remove yourself?

Are you tired of having no energy and those 2pm crashes?

Do you put yourself last on your to do list?

Most of us take on way more than we can handle. We have so much to do and not enough time to do it. We stress ourselves out and are exhausted by the end of the day.

The women I work with often make everyone else in their life a priority before themselves.

Whether it be children, boyfriend/husband, boss, or friends, they always come last. Often they feel that plans are being made for them, they are completely booked before then know it and making it to the gym is an afterthought.

Living like this you start to feel like a hostage and that you have no choice but to follow your commitments and feel sad because you see everyone around you, happy, doing the things that they want and wonder how they do it. I know this because this was me.

When you make yourself a priority in your life, everything becomes more enjoyable, work becomes more productive, everything seems easier and less chaotic.

The best time to start making yourself a priority is right now. If you are sitting at a desk, or your kitchen table. Then you can do this. All you need is a great attitude and 15 minutes!

Since most of us sit all day in a chair this can cause us to have weak legs and glutes, weight gain, tight hips, anxiety, depression, varicose veins and more.

One way to feel less tired, less tight and more mobile is to sit on your chair properly. Stop right here and analyze your body position. Are you slouching? Is your back rounded? Are your shoulders up and forward? If so, STOP!!!!

• Your eyes should be level with the top of your computer monitor. This is easier with desktop PCs, but a struggle with laptops where the keyboard and screen are fixed close together.

• Your shoulders should be relaxed and low, not high and hunched up. You should feel like you’re not lifting your shoulders.

• Your lower arms should be parallel to the floor. They should rest on a support, rather than being held up.

• You shouldn’t be reaching too far for your keyboard and mouse. You should be able to control them easily with arms bent at the elbow.

• Your feet should be flat on the floor.

Just putting your toes on the floor isn’t enough!

• Your upper back should be straight.

Your lower back has a natural curve that should be supported by your chair. No slouching • Your legs should be 90 degrees from your body- if you are short as I am. Having a foot rest is important to keep your hips elevated and aligned.

Once you make these changes I guarantee you that your energy will start shifting. These small shifts in your biomechanics will have you feeling more purposeful and more powerful.

Moving our bodies daily is vital for our mental and physical health. Movement strengthens ourselves and by moving a little more each day, we are helping our bodies and minds learn to function at their best. As human beings we should be shifting our energy routinely as we should not be staying focused and immobile for 8-12 hours. We are not robots.

Exercising is one of the best ways to shift your energy.

Here are 3 great stretches to move your body when you can not make it to the gym and have been sitting for a few hours. They are also great if you need some creative flow.

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Neck Side Rotation

1. Keep your head squarely over your shoulders and your back straight.

2. Slowly turn your head to the right until you feel a stretch in the side of your neck and shoulder.

3. Hold the stretch for 15-30 seconds, and then slowly turn your head forward again.

4. Repeat on your left side. Do up to 10 sets.

Bound Forward Fold

This stretch opens up the front and the top of the shoulder and the neck, low back, and hamstrings.

1. Begin by standing with your feet out wide. Your toes should point forward so that your feet are parallel. Holding a towel, take your hands behind your back and hold one end of the towel in each hand.

2. Bend your knees generously and take an exhale to hinge at your hips and fold your chest down towards the ground. Keep hold of the towel and let your hands fall over your head as much as they can. If you want a deeper stretch, bring your hands closer together on the towel.

Wall Down Dog

This stretch releases the front and top of the shoulders and the chest.

1. Begin standing up, facing a wall, with your feet hipwidth distance. Make sure you are a few feet away from the wall.

2. Place your hands on the wall and walk your hands down the wall until they are in line with your hips.

This should create an L-shape with your body, so adjust your feet as needed.

3. Keep pressing your hands against the wall and drop your chest towards the floor to feel a stretch through your chest and shoulders. Hold for 30-60 seconds.

Now that we have warmed up our body! Here are 5 awesome exercises that can keep you in shape and accountable to the most important person. Yourself!

Some days it’s hard to get to the gym. I know. I get it. It is important to stay consistent and not to break your habit.

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Walk/Jog/Run in Place

30–45 seconds. 3–5 times. 20 seconds rest in between.

This one is as simple as it sounds. Stand up from your chair and get to it. Anyone can do this one, you are in control of the intensity based on the pace you choose. Want an even bigger challenge?

Bring your knees up to waist level.

Squat Jumps/ Squats (no jump)

3 sets of 12-15 reps. 20 seconds rest in between.

This stretch opens up the front and the top of the shoulder and the neck, low back, and hamstrings.

1. Stand with your feet shoulder-width apart.

2. Start by doing a regular squats then engage your core and jump up explosively.

3. When you land, lower your body back into the squat position to complete one rep. Land as quietly as possible, which requires control

Incline Pushups

3 sets of 12-15 reps. 20 seconds rest in between.

The basic incline push up is done using a bench, table, or another solid surface that is about three feet high. Here’s how to do this style correctly: 1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

Stand facing the bench, table, or the edge of a bed.

Place your hands on the edge of the bench just slightly wider than shoulder width.

Realign your feet so that your arms and body are completely straight.

Check that your arms are perpendicular to your body.

Perform the movement while keeping your body straight, and bend your elbows to slowly lower your chest to the edge of the bench

Wall Sit

3 sets of 30-60 seconds. 20 seconds rest in between.

1. Make sure your back is flat against the wall.

2. Set your feet about shoulder-width apart and then about 2 ft out from the wall.

3. Slide your back down the wall, bending your legs until they’re in a 90 degree angle—or as close as you can get! Your knees should be directly above your ankles, but no more forward.

4. HOLD your position, while contracting your abs

Tricep Dips

3 sets of 12-15 reps. 20 seconds rest in between.

1. Position your hands shoulder-width apart on a secured bench or stable chair.

2. Slide your butt off the front of the bench with your legs extended out in front of you.

3. Straighten your arms, keeping a little bend in your elbows to keep tension on your triceps and off your elbow joints TD W Today’s Daring Woman

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A Nomad’s Journey to Letting Go

by Jayme Serbell I used to live in a two-story, three-bedroom house, just my husband and I, and we had filled the entire house with stuff. We were avid travellers, so the walls were filled with souvenirs that we had collected on our adventures. Posters, statues, and random knick knacks lined the hallways, doors, and shelves.

We enjoyed all of these things, but we didn’t know that they were weighing us down. In 2016 we decided to sell everything we owned, convert a van into a mobile tiny home, and travel the country with our pups. The process of selling our belongings was my first of many lessons to come on Letting Go. Selling all of our belongings was a struggle at the beginning. I had never realized how attached I had become to inanimate objects.

I would make excuse after excuse of why I

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needed to keep a certain item. “Well I’ve had that since high school,” or “Oh, but we got that in Cambodia!” We chose to start slow and sell the things we knew it would be easiest to part with. Items we hadn’t touched in years started walking out the door, and we could feel the most astounding burden evaporating off our shoulders. The idea of selling certain things got easier and easier, and eventually our “DO NOT SELL” list had almost nothing on it. $10,000 later we were able to build our new home, and we hit the road in April of 2017.

In June of 2017 I chose to sit a 10-Day Vipassana meditation course. This is a very intense experience where you meditate in complete silence for ten days. You are not allowed any external distractions - no phones, no music, no journaling, no reading, no eye

contact with others, no exercise, no yoga. You wake up at 4am and meditate until about 9pm every evening, with a few breaks for meals and rest.

I wanted to sit this first course by myself - to test my strength, to show my independence from my husband, to prove to the world what I was capable of all by myself. But not even 48 hours into the course I was on the phone with my husband, in tears asking him to pick me up.

What I didn’t know was that I was in the middle of the most awakening chapter of my life. I was in the midst of my story’s pages turning from one chapter to the next. But at the time, all I felt was failure.

This was a new lesson in letting go - I had to let go of my pride. I called my friends and family and let them know I didn’t make it the ten days. I had to stare this reality in the face, and after a few days of beating myself up I realized that I had to actively take steps to attain the life that I dreamed of for myself. If I wanted it, I had to work for it.

So I took small steps to do better moving forward. I signed up for a women’s-only adventure retreat hosted by And She’s Dope Too, to give me another chance to do something without my husband by my side. I chose to focus on yoga a bit more.

I gradually began shifting my life.

If anything stressful happened I immediately “needed a drink.” I couldn’t attend a social event without a drink in hand (or a flask hidden in my purse). If I opened a bottle of wine, I had to finish it because “my parents didn’t raise no quitter!” I would wake up with an upset stomach and throbbing head almost every day, and I would vow that this was the last time.

That is, until we started making dinner that evening and I’d pour myself another glass of wine.

I had been drinking since before I even reached high school. I was “the tank.” I was the little girl who could out-drink the big frat guy. I was the one people would choose to have on their team for drinking competitions. I was the one who would order a keg on a Tuesday “just because”. So much of my identity was fused with my addiction to alcohol.

Eventually I grew tired of all this. I was tired of feeling like crap. I was tired of being hungover.

I was tired of not remembering pillow-talk conversations with my husband, or if we had

...I realized that I had to actively take steps to attain the life that I dreamed of for myself.

I was contributing more to my relationship with my husband. I was taking more initiative in my own life. But there were still things holding me back from my greatest potential.

The main baggage I carried was my alcoholism.

Although the lowest point in my drinking had been months and years prior, alcohol still had a serious hold over me.

made love before falling asleep. I was tired of scheduling my life around my drinking habit, and all the sacrifices I kept making for my addiction. I had finally decided it was time to remove this part of me. It was time to quit drinking.

But it wasn’t as easy as deciding to quit and being done with it. Being a drinker was my main identity. Being a drinker was who I was. I

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didn’t know how to interact without it. Alcohol made me brave. I was riddled with fear when I was sober. I couldn’t see old friends without them immediately handing me a drink. And if I told them I had quit drinking they would laugh and hand me a drink anyway. “You can’t change who you are,” I would tell myself, neglecting the fact that my alcoholism wasn’t a part of my being, just a path I had stumbled down for too long.

So my experience with quitting alcohol wasn’t a snap decision and all was done. It took me months to finally quit. I would be on a streak for weeks without a drink, and then we’d visit friends or a family member and I would pick it right back up again. “Oh, it’s just one drink,” I would convince myself, even though for me is has never been “just one drink.”

Letting go of my alcoholism has been the most challenging and important path I have ever walked down. In April of 2019 I will be one year sober, and part of me wants to celebrate with a glass of champagne. But a bigger part of me

wants nothing to do with that anymore.

Once you learn how to let go of things that lead you towards destruction - toxic relationships, addictions, bad habits - you learn that there is a great deal of strength within you, and that these terrible things were masking this strength. My ego didn’t want me to quit drinking because the result was a path of radical self-discovery, a path that is terrifying but necessary to walk. I had to learn how to be with myself sober. I had to learn how I really think, how certain things make me feel, and why. Once I became sober I felt like I was a child again, relearning things for the first time.

I didn’t go from being destroyed to resurrected in a weekend. It’s been two years since I started letting go and making positive changes, and I’m still tearing out the toxic bits of me and replacing them with new habits. As difficult and painful as this process can be sometimes, I know it will guide me towards the things I consider to be holistically successful, and that I’ll be far better off for it. TD W

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podcast

DARING WOMAN

We all have a story within us. Some stories are full of love and laughter. Others are full of fear, trauma and obsession. And yet others are a combination of the two. Stories of overcoming the challenges life has thrown our way, and how we walked through hell and came out on top.

On the Daring Woman Podcast, I have the privilege to talk with these incredible women who have walked through nightmares, and used those experiences to rise, shine and become powerful, inspiring and amazing women.

I am honored to be able to share their stories with you. You can listen to each episode at

b

http://daringwomaninc.com/stories

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My Organized Chaos

For many women, the struggle is real. The struggle to say focused, stop procrastinating, get organized..and so on.

Attention Deficit Disorder is a highly genetic, brain-based syndrome that has to do with the regulation of a particular set of brain functions and related behaviors.These brain operations are collectively referred to as “executive functioning skills” and include important functions such as attention, concentration, memory, motivation and effort, learning from mistakes, impulsivity, hyperactivity, organization, and social skills.

We get distracted easy. We forget immediately.

It’s a challenge. Luckily we have Lynne Edris to support us. Lynne also has ADD and in this episode, she teaches us a few skills to adapt to life with ADD. February 6, 2019

The Dirtiest 4-Letter Word Burnout. It’s a real thing and when it happens, it happens hard. As women, we are designed and brought up to give, give, give until we just can’t give anymore. But what about us? We’re taught that if we do for ourselves it’s being selfish.

Here’s a secret – it’s ok to be selfish to a point.

You can’t give if you aren’t taking care of yourself.

Jen Moff helps burned-out women invest in exquisite self-care, releasing their inner rockstar, and embracing radical intimacy.

Listen in and get the answer to what the dirtiest 4-letter word really is! It’s not what you think!

February 13, 2019

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Breaking Up Positive

Breakups can be devastating. They lead to hurt, pain, fear. They can become violent and dangerous. But that doesn’t have to be the case. You can have a positive breakup.

Tracey Osborne and guest, Kris Perelmutter, come together to discuss love, life, and breakups.

Be empowered to take control of your life… don’t let someone else do it for you.

February 20, 2019

There are so many beautiful reasons to be happy #IMADARINGWOMAN

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YOUR STARS FOR

march 2019

pisces

by Jill Dahne, America’s Most Amazing Psychic

Feb 20-Mar 20

The law of attraction is on your side this month. You have been asking for a raise and you will receive it. Think positively and the dreams you have been having lately of an old flame re-entering your life will come to reality. Be prepared this time. You are wiser and smarter. You will not let yourself get hurt. You are ahead of the game. I see happy endings!

Monthly Predictions: • Marianne Williamson is running for President for 2020. Even though I would love for her to win, my intuition says I don’t see her even making it very far.

• President Trump will not get impeached.

• The singer Adele will come back this year stronger and win best album.

• I am worried about Diana Ross suffering with health issues of the mind.

• The stock market will not crash so inquiring minds you can relax.

Aries (Mar 21- Apr 20)

You will be moving forward to a bigger and healthier relationship. Put that past to rest. No one is worth getting that depressed over. There will be new opportunities entering your life this month. A tall, multitalented person is coming your way and whisks you off your feet. They will give you advice on fixing your finances. Then, the marathon begins once again.

Taurus (Apr 21-May 21)

Start to indulge in new clothes for the summer. I see the tropics calling to you. Do not forget the sun protection. You have been constantly on the go.

Relaxation is the answer. Your intuition is telling you the same thing, but your stubbornness tells you differently.

You have been working overtime. Your stress level needs a break.

Dancing and nice music is the antidote for this month.

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Gemini (May 22-June 21) If you were thinking of Botox, think again. Your face is beautiful. A little bit of skin care adds that magic touch. Just because you have been down about that person, there is no need to start fixing things that don’t need fixing! Instead, take a yoga class and release all the tensions you are holding in. You will feel calm and collected. You have that higher power within you.

Cancer (June 22-July 22)

This month there are a lot of parties. I see tons of friends and family celebrating the wonderful, beautiful you!

Your loyalty and character will pay off this month. I see celebration after celebration happening. In the office, you will receive flowers, candy and lovely cards. Who can ask for a better month? That’s why, in life, when you give out charm and beauty, it always comes back double when you least expect it.

Leo (July 23-Aug 21)

You are so talented with your writing and passion for music. Follow your dream. Do not let anyone get in your way to stardom and happiness. You have conquered a lot of challenges in your life. This month could get a little bumpy down the road, but with your self-confidence, you will achieve it all. Remember, actions speak louder than words. You will show them! Money should be no object!

Virgo (Aug 22-Sep 23)

You have been corresponding with others through e-mail. They have been claiming that they haven’t gotten your e-mail. The reason is, we are in the shadow effect of Mercury retrograde. It finally works in your favor this month. This is the time to ask for that raise. They already know that you are a special person in the office who always does their work ahead of time. Go see that show with that special someone!

Libra (Sep 24-Oct 23)

You may feel like you are walking on eggshells lately, especially when it comes to a close friend. Be yourself. If they are a true friend, they will love you for who you really are. Consider yourself fortunate this month. There will be a lot of new growth in your life. Your writing is amazing. You should really go on the road with it. It will make you famous.

Then, the money will start to roll in.

Scorpio (Oct 24-Nov 22)

There are big changes about to happen but only for the better. Do not be afraid of starting a new venture. This is the time to do so. This month is the month to take your relationship to the next level, either by telling that special someone how much in love you are with them or by tying the knot. Drink yourself healthy. Juice is the best medicine!phones at home. Work can wait. Nothing is more important than having alone time with the one you love.

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Sagittarius (Nov 23-Dec 22) This is the month to think only about yourself. No lending money to others that is unnecessary. You need to come first for once in your life.Try to stay organized to pay some outstanding bills, but do splurge on that piece of jewelry you have been eyeing. Your energy and intuition call for some vitamins that you have been lacking. If you could see what I could see, the 7th of this month is starting to look marvelous!

Capricorn (Dec 23-Jan 20)

The spotlight shines on you this month. This summer will bring out the best in you. Your chances to bring in more money are very high. The check you thought you misplaced will reappear in a place where you never looked. I see that special someone you have been waiting for showing up.

Sagittarius (Nov 23-Dec 22) This is a promising month financially. You can receive the benefits from your work. It is a positive time to reach and make the last payment. Relationships will undergo some highs and lows.

Professional meetings boost your recognition. Slow down and rest. Pay attention to the subtle areas in your life. Bring balance in your daily routine.

Capricorn (Dec 23-Jan 20)

This is a promising month financially. You can receive the benefits from your work. It is a positive time to reach and make the last payment. Relationships will undergo some highs and lows.

Professional meetings boost your recognition. Slow down and rest. Pay attention to the subtle areas in your life. Bring balance in your daily routine.

Aquarius (Jan 21-Feb 19)

Take this month to release all of the fears you have been holding in when taking that test. Even though you didn’t pass it the first time, you will pass it now. The 7th of this month looks excellent for good news. You have found inspiration for your art. It’s time to enter that contest. You won’t be disappointed. I see a financial windfall coming your way. Hooray!

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Questions on your health?

Don’t know which financial move to make?

Wondering when your soul mate will come along?

AskJill

TM

New questions answered every Tuesday! daringwomaninc.com/askjill Today’s Daring Woman

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The Ultimate Guide to a Mindful, Stress-Free Life With insights on how to lighten your load, get a better night’s sleep, beat emotional eating, and take the stress out of decision making, Let It Go shows the way to find true calm every day.