December 2018
With Appreciation - JOY!
DIY Gifts!
When She Was My Son Today’s Daring Woman
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From tanks and tees to posters and mugs, surround yourself with positivity to stay motivated day in and day out.
S H O P DAR I N G W O M AN. C O M 2
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In this Issue... Life & Love
Health & Wellness
11 | Why I Say Happy Holidays 16 | A New Way of Giving 20 | 8 Tips for a Simple Minimalistic Holiday
59 | An Invitation to Notice & Let Go 64 | Escape from Ego 70 | Managing the Holiday Stress
Awareness
Daring Woman Podcast
41 | Heifer International 50 | Kiva 52 | Blink Now
74 | The Giving Challenge 74 | Living Your Passion 75 | Love Starts with You 75 | The Size of Everything
Cover Stories 29 | When She Was Born My Son 67 | With Appreciation - Joy! 24 | DIY Gifts That Don’t Suck
Horoscopes 76 | Horoscopes
Empowered Reading 57 | 10 Titles to Pick Up
Catch us on Instagram @ ImADaringWoman
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TRACEY OSBORNE Editor-in-Chief
Board of Advisors PAMELA ROGAN GERI WESTPHAL DANA COREY DR. SAMANTHA MADHOSINGH
Team Assistant Editor MARK OSBORNE Design Director HEATHER TERWILLIGER Graphic Designer SUSANN TRAXEL-ROBINSON Social Media Manager JESSICA WESTPHAL Web Designer CHRISTIANE JECHOUX Executive Assistant CHARLOTTE BELLIS Special Thanks to Madison for allowing her story to be told!
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Letter from the Editor It’s going to be the DON’T MISS event of the year! Is there someone in your life that you consider a Daring Woman? We meet incredible women every day. Women who give of themselves without expecting anything in return. Women who are demanding change and working effortlessly to achieve it. I know that people who sacrifice their valuable time and money don’t often get the recognition they deserve. Daring Woman wants to showcase and honor these women. Do you know someone who is the epitome of selflessness and humanity? Tell us why they are special and why they should be our 2018 Daring Woman. Visit our website for details.
On December 2, we celebrated our first birthday. It’s been a phenomenal year full of change, growth, and possibility. I can’t wait to see what the future holds.
Now this issue is so fun! From ideas on new ways to give at the holidays, to showcasing some extraordinary humanitarian companies, to our cover girl, Madison...who is absolutely the cutest girl ever...there is something for everyone in this issue.
There are some exciting things coming up that I’m just geeked to share with you. (Do people still say ‘geeked’?)
Grab yourself something to drink, get a blanket and curl up on the couch while you dive in and read this issue!
The Dare to Dream conference is being held October 4 & 5 in Atlanta. If I can pull off the vision in my head, O M G - enthralling speakers, fun shopping our vendor booths, new friendships, and even a fancy fashion show!
Happy Holidays,
Happy Birthday to Daring Woman!
Follow Us On...
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Today’s Daring Woman
Tracey
Editor-in-Chief @traceycosborne
Facebook @imadaringwoman
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The Daring Woman P O D C A S T Showcasing incredible women who have heartwarming stories to tell of their journey to becoming an empowered woman.
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LOVE Take a selfie with your magazine and share it on social media #daringwoman @IMADARINGWOMAN Today’s Daring Woman
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Contributors Mona Kay
Mona is the founder of The Organising Ninja. She is based in the UK and is passionate about promoting a simple, sustainable, clutter-free lifestyle to the world! In her free time, she likes writing, reading, hiking and cooking.
Adrienne Anzelmo
Adrienne has a Bachelor’s of Art degree in social work from Anna Maria College and has completed graduate course work at both Lesley University and Salem State College in Early Childhood Education. A young business entrepreneur at 23, she now owns a family-operated child care center/preschool. Adrienne has spent her entire adulthood specializing in caring for and educating young children. When her 2nd child, born male, began identifying as female from a very young age, Adrienne and her family set out on a journey for knowledge and understanding. That journey is described in the pages of the book ‘No Matter What’. Adrienne plans to continue to raise awareness for parents of children who struggle with gender nonconformity. She hopes this helps give a voice to young children who want to live as their true authentic selves, regardless of their gender assignment at birth. Adrienne considers herself and her daughter Madison pioneers. They both are helping to pave the way for other young transgender children and their families
Laura Cockett
Laura Cockett is a Transformative Coach who specialises in working with women to help them live effortlessly happy and fulfilled lives with no stress or overwhelm! Prior to becoming a Coach, Laura was CEO of a charity, and knows firsthand what it’s like to feel overwhelmed and under constant pressure. Her approach to coaching enables other women to experience life as joyful and stress-free and delivers lasting results that impact on all areas of your life.
Christi Wendel
My name is Christi and I am a grateful recovering alcoholic with almost 4 years of continuous sobriety. I am a mother to two beautiful babies, one who is 21 years old and one who thinks he is. (Ok, I get it she’s not a baby anymore!) I do NOT have all the answers, I am not an expert, but I do have a heart for for the broken and a desire to share my personal experience, strength and hope with those who are still suffering, in hopes to bring them into the light. It is my deepest desire to lead those in need to recovery and to begin a journey toward a peaceful and fulfilling life. Come take a peek inside my story and join me in my vision to focus less on perfection and more on progress.
Isabel Hundt
Isabel Hundt is a successful Inspirational Speaker, Founder of the #ISeeUMovement, Sociologist, certified Transformation Coach working with Highly Sensitive Visionaries and World Changers aka Empath-Warriors™, Emotions Clearing Practitioner, published Author of The Power of Faith-Driven Success and Amazon Bestselling Co-Author. Her expertise revolves around navigating your emotional world, the power of intuition and the importance of trust and perseverance in today’s society. Isabel has been featured on close to 100 TV shows, well-known radio and podcasts shows.
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Martina Coogan Ruddock
Martina Coogan Ruddock is a human transformation expert and works with individuals who want to master their own lives. Martina’s key to success is that she has the ability to develop strategies for some of the most successful individuals in the world and to communicate these skills powerfully to others. Martina is an expert at taking the complex and synthesizing it into immediately applicable tools and strategies that can be simply utilized by virtually anyone to improve the quality of their life. Martina is a great performance expert, a world communicator and a cutting-edge turnaround expert. She has extensive training and is a pioneer in professional and personal development and stress reduction. Martina has 17 years experience in growing and contributing to improving the quality of life for people worldwide.
Molly Mitchell
World Ark Writer for Heifer International
there is no force more powerful than a woman determined to
RISE #IMADARINGWOMAN
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love
LIFE &
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Why I Say “Happy Holidays”
by Tracey Osborne
It’s that time of year again. I’m not just talking about the holiday season, I’m talking about the great ‘Merry Christmas/Happy Holidays’ debate. Each year I see people battle it out on social media. I hear folks emphasize ‘Merry Christmas’ in public. When did we, as a collective, become so thinskinned and self-centered? People get strongly offended if someone dares to say, “Happy Holidays.”
Let’s get real people. Not everyone celebrates Christmas. Not everyone recognizes Jesus Christ as their Lord and Saviour. And guess what? IT’S OK. It is their right to believe what they choose to believe and it’s your duty to respect that. The world is not going to end because Bob down the road puts a menorah in his window instead of a Christmas tree. Don’t even get me started on the fact that we’ve really lost sight of the true meaning of Christmas anyway. (we cover that in ‘A New Way of Giving’ on page 16,)
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I choose to say, “Happy Holidays” to people I don’t know because it’s incredibly rude of me to just expect everyone to practice the same celebrations as I do.
This time of year brings with it a myriad of holidays and it’s wonderful to experience the many ways people celebrate around the world. I choose to say, “Happy Holidays” to people I don’t know because it’s incredibly rude of me to just expect everyone to practice the same celebrations as I do. You know what they say when you assume right? It makes an ass out of you and me. So stop assuming and start embracing. Here are just a few of the many holidays other than Christmas that are celebrated this time of year.
Hanukkah or Chanukah
Chanukah is the Jewish eight-day, wintertime “festival of lights,” celebrated with a nightly menorah lighting, special prayers and fried foods. The Hebrew word Chanukah means “dedication,” and is thus named because it celebrates the rededication of the Holy Temple (as you’ll read below). Also spelled Hanukkah (or variations of that spelling), the Hebrew
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word is actually pronounced with a guttural, “kh” sound, kha-nu-kah, not tcha-new-kah. In the second century BCE, the Holy Land was ruled by the Seleucids (Syrian-Greeks), who tried to force the people of Israel to accept Greek culture and beliefs instead of mitzvah observance and belief in G‑d. Against all odds, a small band of faithful Jews, led by Judah the Maccabee, defeated one of the mightiest armies on earth, drove the Greeks from the land, reclaimed the Holy Temple in Jerusalem and rededicated it to the service of God. When they sought to light the Temple’s Menorah (the seven-branched candelabrum), they found only a single cruse of olive oil that had escaped contamination by the Greeks. Miraculously, they lit the menorah and the one-day supply of oil lasted for eight days, until new oil could be prepared under conditions of ritual purity. To commemorate and publicize these miracles, the sages instituted the festival of Chanukah. Source: https://www.chabad.org
Winter Solstice
Yule, (pronounced EWE-elle) is when the dark half of the year relinquishes to the light half. Starting the next morning at sunrise, the sun climbs just a little higher and stays a little longer in the sky each day. Known as Solstice Night, or the longest night of the year, the sun’s “rebirth” was celebrated with much joy. On this night, our ancestors celebrated the rebirth of the Oak King, the Sun King, the Giver of Life that warmed the frozen Earth. From this day forward, the days would become longer. Bonfires were lit in the fields, and crops and trees were “wassailed” with toasts of spiced cider. Children were escorted from house to house with gifts of clove spiked apples and oranges which were laid in baskets of evergreen boughs and wheat stalks dusted with flour. The apples and oranges represented the sun. The boughs were symbolic of immortality (evergreens were sacred to the Celts because they did not “die” thereby representing the eternal aspect of the Divine). The wheat stalks portrayed the harvest, and the flour was accomplishment of triumph, light, and life. Holly and ivy not
only decorated the outside, but also the inside of homes, in hopes Nature Sprites would come and join the celebration. A sprig of Holly was kept near the door all year long as a constant invitation for good fortune to visit the residents. Mistletoe was also hung as decoration. It represented the seed of the Divine, and at Midwinter, the Druids would travel deep into the forest to harvest it. The ceremonial Yule log was the highlight of the Solstice festival. In accordance to tradition, the log must either have been harvested from the householder’s land, or given as a gift... it must never have been bought. Once dragged into the house and placed in the fireplace it was decorated in seasonal greenery, doused with cider or ale, and dusted with flour before set ablaze by a piece of last years log, (held onto for just this purpose). The log would burn throughout the night, then smolder for 12 days after before being ceremonially put out. Ash is the traditional wood of the Yule log. It is the sacred world tree of the Teutons, known as Yggdrasil. An herb of the Sun, Ash brings light into the hearth at the Solstice. A different type of Yule log, and perhaps one
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more suitable for modern practitioners would be the type that is used as a base to hold three candles. Find a smaller branch of oak or pine, and flatten one side so it sets upright. Drill three holes in the top side to hold red, green, and white (season), green, gold, and black (the Sun God), or white, red, and black (the Great Goddess). Continue to decorate with greenery, red and gold bows, rosebuds, cloves, and dust with flour. Many customs created around Yule are identified with Christmas today. If you decorate your home with a Yule tree, holly or candles, you are following some of these old traditions. The Yule log, (usually made from a piece of wood saved from the previous year) is burned in the fire to symbolize the Newborn Sun/Son. Source: https://wicca.com/celtic/akasha/yule. htm
Kwanzaa
Kwanzaa is an African American and PanAfrican holiday which celebrates family, community and culture. Celebrated from 26 December thru 1 January, its origins are in the first harvest celebrations of Africa from which it takes its name. The name Kwanzaa is derived from the phrase “matunda ya kwanza” which means “first fruits” in Swahili, a Pan-African language which is the most widely spoken African language. The first-fruits celebrations are recorded in African history as far back as ancient Egypt and Nubia and appear in ancient and modern times in other classical African civilizations such as Ashantiland and Yorubaland. These celebrations are also found in ancient and modern times among societies as large as empires (the Zulu or kingdoms (Swaziland) or smaller societies and groups like the Matabele, Thonga and Lovedu, all of southeastern Africa. Kwanzaa builds on the five fundamental activities of Continental African “first fruit” celebrations: ingathering; reverence; commemoration; recommitment; and celebration. Kwanzaa, then, is:
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• a time of ingathering of the people to reaffirm the bonds between them; • a time of special reverence for the creator and creation in thanks and respect for the blessings, bountifulness and beauty of creation; • a time for commemoration of the past in pursuit of its lessons and in honor of its models of human excellence, our ancestors; • a time of recommitment to our highest cultural ideals in our ongoing effort to always bring forth the best of African cultural thought and practice; and • a time for celebration of the Good, the good of life and of existence itself, the good of family, community and culture, the good of the awesome and the ordinary, in a word the good of the divine, natural and social. Source: http://www.officialkwanzaawebsite.org
Boxing Day
December 26 is not only a day for Santa Claus to catch his breath but a public holiday known as Boxing Day in the United Kingdom and other British Commonwealth countries such as Australia, Canada and New Zealand. In spite of its peculiar name, Boxing Day has nothing to do with fisticuffs, the trashing of empty boxes left over from Christmas or the return of unwanted presents to department stores. The term is of British origin, and the Oxford English Dictionary traces its earliest print attribution to 1833, four years before Charles Dickens referred to it in “The Pickwick Papers.” The exact roots of the holiday name are unknown, but there are two leading theories, both of which are connected to charity traditionally distributed to lower classes on the day after Christmas. One idea is that December 26 was the day centuries ago when lords of the manor and aristocrats typically distributed “Christmas boxes” often filled with small gifts, money and leftovers from Christmas dinner to their household servants and employees, who
were required to work on December 25, in recognition of good service throughout the year. These boxes were, in essence, holiday bonuses. Another popular theory is that the Boxing Day moniker arose from the alms boxes that were placed in churches during the Advent season for the collection of monetary donations from parishioners. Clergy members distributed the contents of the boxes to the poor on December 26, which is also the feast of St. Stephen, the first Christian martyr and a figure known for acts of charity. (Ireland celebrates December 26 as St. Stephen’s Day.) Although the practice of almsgiving on December 26 has faded with charity now being given in the weeks leading up to Christmas, the Boxing Day name has endured. These days, December 26 is a popular holiday in the United Kingdom and Commonwealth countries for watching sports such as soccer and cricket, shopping and visiting friends. Source: https://www.history.com/news/why-isthe-day-after-christmas-called-boxing-day So the next time someone wishes you, “Happy Holidays,” simply smile, share the sentiment and move on. They’re not out to offend, they just don’t know you. TD W
Merry Everything & Happy Always! #IMADARINGWOMAN
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A New Way of Giving by Tracey Osborne
Around the world, the holiday season is a time filled with festivities, both religious and secular. From exchanging gifts to sharing meals, people have found all manner of ways to express their joy and enjoy time with friends and family during this time of the year. For many, this means stretching their already stretched finances during this festive season. Two things bother me immensely about this time of year. 1. Holidays have strayed from their true meanings and are all focused on commercialism. How much money can we spend? How much unnecessary stuff can we buy? 2. This time of year especially, a time dedicated to love, peace, and joy, people are at their meanest. Stress from the
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hustle and bustle, tight budgets, and the desire to get the latest and greatest take their toll. Living as a minimalist I’m done with the commercial side of holidays. Gone is the desire to spend hundreds of dollars on my family on presents they will be excited about for a few minutes and then forget about. My youngest girls are 14 and 16 this year and there is not a single thing they NEED. They have new bikes, electric scooters, hoverboards, Playstations, clothes bursting out of drawers and closets. Their father is taking them to Disneyland this year, and buying them new computers. They have the newest iPhones and Apple watches they’ve never worn. The truth is, they aren’t going to remember the stuff they get each year. They remember the
memories and traditions. Looking back at all of the Christmases I can remember, only one present sticks out in my mind - an acoustic guitar. But what I truly remember about that guitar is the fun way I received it. My dad was great at riddles...and so he gave my brother and I a riddle to solve. That led us to our next clue and so on until we found our big gifts. That was more meaningful to me than the present itself.
Tell Them What You REALLY Think
I remember going out into the mountains each year to find and chop down our trees to decorate. I remember the ceramic mouse ornaments painstakingly created by my stepmom that we used to decorate our tree each year. I remember baking tons of cookies (and eating even more). I don’t remember presents. When we talk about past holidays, my kids bring up things we did rather than things they got. And that, to me, is what holidays are about. Whether it’s Christmas, Easter, or the 4th of July, holidays are about love, friends, family and memories. Giving doesn’t have to be about spending. Giving memories, time, love, energy...those are all gifts we can bestow upon loved ones and strangers alike. What if the purpose of giving was simply that you could change someone else’s reality? Our gifts can mean so much to someone else whether we know it or not. I’ve recently become a certified crisis counselor for the Crisis Text Line. Donating my time to listen, support, and help people in crisis as they move from a hot moment to a cool calm not only helps these desperate people who turn to us for help when they have nowhere else to turn, but it helps me in return. It’s rewarding and fulfilling to know that I’ve taken a suicidal texter from wanting to die to calm, and open to help. Giving should be selfless, and not expecting anything in return other than the warm, fuzzy feeling you get from knowing you’ve made a difference in someone’s life. This holiday season, focus on making memories. Memories last so much longer.
As a new author I am learning that well-meaning customers assume book “sales” are more important than book “reviews”. They’re not, especially if the book contains a message that could be shared with and help millions of other women. So my suggestion for this season of giving is: if you’ve recently read and enjoyed a book and there’s an opportunity to leave a review please do. For an author that would be a truly amazing gift the benefits of which would help the author get their message out to those women who want and need it. In a nutshell, a book review will take ten minutes to draft and yet is more treasured and appreciated than any amount of money from book sales could ever be. Here’s to the season of giving! Dee Coxon Author of Polish The Diamond In Your Heart: how to reveal your unique fire and brilliance and use this to start a business in midlife and beyond
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memories. Memories last so much longer.
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• Have younger kids? Instead of an advent calendar, wrap 24 books and let them open one per day until Christmas and read it together. • I used to get to open one present on Christmas Eve and I carried that tradition on with my kids. One great idea I wish I’d found when they were younger is to give them pajamas, a snack pack and a new movie. Then on Christmas Eve after they open up their gift, as a family you can snuggle up and watch the movies together.
As I love to say, “Giving is easy and kindness is free.” The gift of you being present can make all the difference in the world to someone. • Smile at a stranger • Hold the door open for people
• Make gifts with your family for others. There are so many DIY ideas on Pinterest. Also check out the article on page 24 about DIY gifts.
• Compliment the cashier
• Plan a family cooking day. A trip to pick out a Christmas tree. Caroling for friends and neighbors. - Mary Evelyn
• Help someone in need - the struggling mom trying to get her kids under control. The elderly lady crossing the parking lot.
• We love snuggly movie afternoons/ nights as a family, play games or do crafts. I think it’s easier when not focusing on Christmas/ holidays as gift-giving but more so a time to slow down and be more present. We remind our little one of that, too. - Isabel
• Wish someone a wonderful day.
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• I like to give destination gifts - like a gift certificate to an escape room or a ghost tour. They promote fun and connection. Free coffee date or lunch dates are fun too. And none of these take up space in your house. Julee
• Put the phone down. Especially when checking out at a store. Talk to the cashier.
Get creative. How can you focus on a new way of giving this holiday season and into the new year? TD W
Give Back to the Community
Donate your time to a soup kitchen or shelter Almost all organizations have a wish list - the Women’s and Children’s alliance of Boise has a Christmas tree where they put paper ornaments of things they need such as coats for children, diapers, toys, etc. People take an ornament and donate the item by the specified date. Give your children’s old coats to a coat drive at a church or shelter Have a fundraiser party at your house and ask everyone to bring a toy for a child and give it to Toys for Tots Take your children on a shopping spree at a toy store and donate it to Toys for Tots. Gather a few friends and pool your money and buy a bunch of blankets. Then go deliver them
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• •
•
by Julee Hunt
to the homeless you see on the street. Keep bottled water in your car and give it to a homeless person at a stop light. You can do the same with fruit like apples or oranges. Put together packages for our soldiers with handwritten notes letting them know how much you appreciate their service and how hard it must be to be away from their families during the holidays. When my son was growing up, I gave him $200 to spend at Toys R Us and then we donated all the gifts he chose to Toys for Tots on the way out the door. It was a fun mother/son activity. Toys r Us is no longer in business so we are going elsewhere this year to buy our toys, but even though he is 25, we still do it because it makes us feel good to give back.
A CHAIN IN THE BACKYARD. Cats and dogs require a 10- to 20-year financial and emotional commitment.
Please, don’t buy animals as presents. Today’s Daring Woman
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8
Simple Tips for a
minimalistic Holiday by Mona Kay
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Duane Elgin said: “Living simply is not about living in poverty or self-inflicted deprivation. It’s about living an examined life where one has determined what is truly important and enough … and then just let go of all the rest”. In our consumerism-mania era, living a simple minimalist lifestyle is like keeping hold of a hot coal in your hand. I have seen with my own eyes the aftermath of overbuying and staying on top of trends: Homes drowning in years of clutter.
anybody getting offended. For sure they will understand and respect your decision.
After massive efforts of decluttering and creating space in properties, this journey doesn’t just change the facade of a house, but also changes the habits of homeowners. They no longer are interested about offers and bargains. They make sure that by owning less, they achieve more.
Previous bank statements can help with that and open your eyes to some old purchases that weren’t necessary. Have a look in your garages and storage rooms and see what you can reuse. Then, write out a rough estimate of your new costs and stick to your budget!
But when the season approaches, the true meaning of love, family, friends, gift giving, and holiday spirit is often sabotaged by commercialism. I know for a fact that people either save money a year ahead for the holidays, or their credit cards scream from overbuying in this period. It is difficult to avoid the temptations of TV adverts, decorated and scented malls and markets, the expensive lavishing gifts, and the rich food products. If this time of year depresses you so much, the best thing you can do is to keep it simple. Since simplicity is the ultimate sophistication, here is some advice you can benefit from:
1. Explain Your New Mindset for This Year
Talk to your partner, family members and friends about your minimalistic approach for the holidays. Explain that it is not because you don’t want to spend money, but because you want the festive season to have meaning and to be joyful instead of being stressful. And to achieve that, you must be sustainable and simple in your purchasing decisions. Tell them face to face instead of emails and texts, if you can, to avoid misinterpretations and
2. Make a Plan, a List and a Budget On a diary, on a board or even on an app, whatever you choose, planning ahead of time will help you to ease the tension. Make a schedule of all the important dates and occasions. Think of all the possible stuff that you essentially need, not want, for the holidays.
3. Cards
Use extra cards from the previous year if any. It’s an excellent excuse to declutter them! If not, hand- made cards give a personal creative touch to them. You can consider e-cards as well. No printing or mailing is required!
4. Gifts
Find out if local businesses around the gift recipient offer gift vouchers for their products or services. You will support businesses in the community as well as offering a new perspective to gift giving, which is experiences instead of possessions! It could be a hiking trip, a massage session or even a decluttering session from a pro organiser. Some cultures still practise the custom of giving cash in envelopes, so you could buy what you need instead of a gift that you will perhaps never use. If it is appropriate, why not! If you were to wrap gifts, use unwanted paper laying around you, like magazines, newspapers or brown paper. Use string and twigs to give a finishing touch.
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5. Decorations
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Gothe said “The ideal of beauty is simplicity and tranquility.” I was never a fan of extreme decorations anyway. Nowadays, I find LED fairy lights very efficient and gives a sense of holiday merriness. It can be on your tree, around the fireplace, or around the hand rail of your staircase. If you are a crafty person, you can make your own candles, ornaments, or paper origami!
6. Food
If you are inviting people over, have a definite number and plan your dinner accordingly ahead of time. Make simple seasonal authentic recipes you know and cooked before to ensure their success to abstain from emergency trips for ready-meals from the supermarket! Don’t cook too much, and if you do, make sure they don’t go to waste. There are tons of ways to eat your left-overs the next day. And don’t cook too little either. You don’t want your guests leave hungry!
7. Charity
An important factor we sometimes forget in the holidays is the act of charity. From smiling to a stranger to donating money or your time for a cause you believe in is encouraged. So, look at options in your local community to get inspired and feel the true spirit of the holidays!
8. Gratitude and Bonding
Last but not least, never look up to people’s extravagant lifestyles whether on TV, social media or actual individuals around you. Be happy with what you have: Your friends, family and health. Contentment is the greatest treasure we can lay our hands on. This holiday can be a perfect excuse to create a new ritual and sit with your loved ones. Bring young and senior members of your family and friends together and try to understand and know more about each other. Season’s Greetings everyone! TD W
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The ideal of beauty is simplicity and tranquility -Gothe
In crisis?
HELLO
Free, 24/7 support for people in crisis. Today’s Daring Woman
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DIY Gift Ideas
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that don’t suck
by Tracey Osborne
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The best gifts come from the heart and the hands. Nothing says, “I care,” more than a gift you took time and effort into creating yourself. We headed over to Pinterest to find some simple, easy gift ideas for the holidays (or year round for that matter!) For more fantastic DIY ideas, follow us on Pinterest. @imadaringwoman
Peppermint Sugar Scrub from www.Mom4Real.com What you will need: • 1 Cup of Sugar • 1/4 Cup of Coconut Oil • 15 Drops of Peppermint Essential Oil • Wide Mouth Ball Jar Pint Sized It’s so easy to make…you won’t believe it! You simply mix 1 cup of sugar and 1/4 cup of melted coconut oil together in a large bowl, then add 15 drops of peppermint essential oils and mix well with a spoon. Once it is all mixed together, place it in a small glass jar or container. Head over to http:// daringwomaninc.com/ labels to get the free template to print out your own jar labels from Mom4Real.com.
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Paw Print Salt Dough Ornaments from www.OneLittleProject.com What you will need: • ½ cup hot water • ½ cup salt • 1 cup flour • Acrylic Paint • Matte Finish Mod Podge • Glitter • Ribbon • Gold Paint Pen or Sharpie 1. Mix together the hot water, salt and flour. Kneed it together with your hands until it forms a dough ball. If it’s too sticky, add some extra flour. 2. Roll out the dough until it is ¼ inch to ½ inch thick. 3. Use small plastic cups to cut out circle shapes. 4. Gently press your dog’s paw into the center of the circle to make an imprint. 5. Use a drinking straw to cut a hole for the ribbon. 6. Transfer the circles to a parchment lined baking sheet and bake at 225F for 2 to 3 hours until they are solid and completely dried out. 7. Once they have cooled, paint the ornaments in colours to match your pup’s personality. 8. Write your dog’s name and the year on the front or back of the ornament using a gold paint pen or Sharpie marker. 9. Add a coat of Matte Finish Mod Podge and sprinkle it generously with glitter. 10. If you only want the imprint filled with glitter, allow the first coat of Mod Podge to dry completely. Then add a generous second coat to the inside of the paw print and sprinkle it generously with glitter. 11. String a ribbon through the hole to hang your ornament. 12. If you want you can attach an extra ribbon or bow tie to the ornament using hot glue.
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Snow Slime in a Jar
from www.NoTimeForFlashcards.com What you will need: • 2 bottles of clear Elmer’s glue • 1 bottle of white, silver, and blue glitter • Foil snowflakes • A bowl and spatula • Liquid Starch • Washi tape • 3 small Mason jars 1. Start by pouring your glue into your bowl 2. Add the glitter 3. Stir 4. Add the starch, we added 1/4 cup to start with and then after kneading for 3 minutes added another dash. 5. When you knead the slime I really forcefully knead it, I stretch, and wrap it around into a ball, then knead some more. I like mine really tough and rubbery, if you like more liquidy slime, add less starch. 6. Add in the snowflakes ( make sure they don’t have sharp sides) and let your helper play for a while so that you can make the lids with washi tape.
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Luxurious Body Butter
from www.HensandHoney.wordpress.com What you will need: • 1 cup of organic coconut oil • 1 cup of organic cocoa butter • essential oil of your choice 1. Measure out one cup of coconut oil and one cup of cocoa butter. Depending on the temperature of your kitchen, the coconut oil will probably be in a soft solid state similar to the consistency of Crisco. The cocoa butter on the other hand is more solid. I usually take a butter knife and hack at the cocoa butter container until I get enough chunks to fill the measuring cup. It’s a great way to take out your frustrations from the week! 2. Put the coconut oil and cocoa butter into a small to medium saucepan on medium heat. Melt the contents until completely liquid, and there are no longer any chunks. It usually takes 4-5 minutes. 3. Transfer to a mixing bowl and refrigerate until the liquid becomes a soft solid again. This book about a few hours for me, but I’m sure all refrigerators are different. 4. Add your essential oil to your liking. For this batch, I used two capfuls of peppermint. 5. Mix until light and fluffy, similar to whipped cream consistency. 6. Transfer to a jar, and enjoy. That’s it! Note: Because the body butter is made partially from coconut oil, you’ll want to store it at a comfortable room temperature. If it’s too cold, it’ll become pretty solid, and if it’s too warm it’ll turn to liquid. If it happens, no problem, just transfer it to a more temperate area.
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Mason Jar Pin Cushion from www.RaeGunRamblings.com
What you will need: • Mason Jar • Batting • 2 Fabric Scraps (one big enough to trace the circle part of the lid and one big enough to form the pin cushion mound as long as you have a 2 inch border you should have plenty of fabric). • Hot glue gun and glue 1. Start by tracing your lid onto the inside fabric. 2. Cut your outer fabric 1-2 larger than the lid add a small a small amount of batting and glue the cover leaving an opening to stuff even more batting. Stuff full and finish gluing. 3. Cut out and then glue to the inner side of your lid. 4. Glue the cushion you have made to the ring part of the lid. And you’re good to go. Fill with fun trinkets!
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DIY Playdough Mason Jars from www.LivingChicontheCheap.com What you will need: • small jars • craft paint • super glue • Mod Podge • small plastic animals • play dough. 1. Use your acrylic craft paint to cover the animals and lids. It will take several coats of paint to achieve the color of choice. 2. Once your jar lids and animals have dried, cover with mod podge. I used the GLOSS because I wanted my animals glossy. 3. Next, glue the animal to the jar lid. You can do this at the beginning. I chose to do it at the end. 4. Once dry, just add your playdough.
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Bath Bomb Recipe without Citric Acid from www.RedTedArt.com
What you will need: • 2 cups bicarbonate of soda (sometimes called baking soda) • 1 cup cream of tartar • 1-2 tablespoons of olive oil or plain oil (the oil gives it a nice soothness in the bath) • food colouring • essential oils (we used lavender)* (always read instructions) • dried lavender (optional) • Water in a spray bottle • Ice cube trays (silicon best – hearts work better than stars, don’t get shapes that are too intricate or have sharp corners that could break off) 1. Mix your bicarbonate of soda, tartar, oil, essential oils and food colouring until you have a colour you are happy with. As food colouring is “wet” it will form little dropplets and you just have to persevere in mixing it in. It will still look quite powdery. 2. Mix your bicarbonate of soda, tartar, oil, essential oils and food colouring until you have a colour you are happy with. As food colouring is “wet” it will form little dropplets and you just have to persevere in mixing it in. It will still look quite powdery. 3. Mix in some lavender. Less is more as you don’t want your bath bomb to fall apart and also, you WILL have a bath full of lavender at the end!! 4. Fill into your ice cube trays (silicon REALLY IS BEST, else it is VERY HARD to get out in one go) and press down hard. 5. Let dry for 1-2 days. They get harder over time. 6. Remove gently and done. If you find, they break apart, you didn’t add enough water spray to begin with. You can crumble it all again, spray with more water and start again.
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DIY Keychains
from www.CherishedBliss.com What you will need: • Craft Paints • Paint Brushes • Wooden Hearts - or other shapes (found at craft stores) • Drill • Drill bit
• Key Rings • Jump Rings • Jewelry Pliers • Stencils - optional
1. Using your drill and drill bit you will just need to make a little hold close to the edge of the shape. Make sure you make it close enough to the edge so that your jump ring will fit. 2. Paint and stencil as desired. Allow to dry completely. 3. Add jump links and keyring.
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Fabric Covered Wooden Spoons from www.AliceandLois.com What you will need: • wooden spoons • scrap fabric • Mod Podge Hard Coat • Mod Podge Matte finish. 1. Cut pressed fabric into 5 in x 1.25 in rectangles. 2. Apply matte finish Mod Podge to the spoon. Mark your dimensions as you do not need to coat the entire end of the spoon. Wrap the fabric around the round part of the spoon. Make sure and have the fabric lie evenly and tight. You do not want air bubbles. Let the Mod Podge dry for 10-15 minutes. 3. Apply another coat of Mod Podge on the fabric. Make sure that the fabric is smooth on the ends. Let dry for 10-15 minutes. 4. Apply a second coat to fabric. Let dry 10-15 minutes. 5. Apply the Mod Podge hard coat as your final coat. This layer will make the spoon water proof/resistant. Let dry for 15 minutes. Do not use spoon in water for 24 hours.
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AWARENESS
Today’s Daring Woman
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When She was Born My Son by Adrienne Anzelmo
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When my daughter was born I did not get to pick out a feminine name for her. I did not get to wrap her in pink and purple blankets and put bows in her small growing pig tails. I didn’t get to have her christened in the beautiful dress my godmother made for me to wear on my christening day. I missed out on all of this because she wasn’t born my daughter, she was born as my son.
up with two sisters and we were as close as siblings can be. I remember thinking, “OK, best friends they will be.” I let go of the ‘one of each’ American dream. I quickly turned my focus to the idea of dump trucks, soccer balls, pockets full of rocks and little Q-ball heads shaved down to skin in summer. Boys were easier anyway I had heard, and so my vision for the future began.
When the ultrasound tech told us we were having another boy I was filled with emotion. I was mostly happy I had another healthy baby growing inside me. I knew the many advantages of same gender siblings as I grew
We knew early on Matthew was different from our first son. He didn’t play with toys the same, or get excited about the same type of things. Matty always wanted things that were pink and items that sparkled. He loved his cousin’s
Today’s Daring Woman
headbands and dress up clothes. As young as 3, Matthew was constantly asking to watch Disney princess movies. At the time I did not get caught up or worried about gender norms. “Kids are kids,” I thought, and I knew he had no idea what society expected of him as a boy, nor did I really care. I loved my feminine eccentric son…the problem was, the older he got, the more he did not love himself. He was always angry with an explosive personality beyond that of a normal toddler. He would flip chairs and tables at preschool and be quick to drop to the floor screaming when things didn’t go his way. He was clearly misunderstood but to what degree I had no idea. Around age three and a half was the first time Matthew asked when his penis was going to fall off. It was when he started saying things like, “When I grow up and I am a girl…” My husband and I would correct him and often, he would be sad with the reality. “You are a boy, hunny,” I would say to him gently. By the age of four he was flat out denying this could be true. I walked this extremely fine and volatile line between what made Matty happy and what my family and society expected of me. Things were getting worse by the day for Matty. The anger was growing larger and deeper and felt like it was consuming Matthew and everyone around him into this dark hole. My husband and I, at an attempt to meet Matthew halfway, allowed him to start wearing the dresses he kept begging for at home. We were hoping this would validate some of his feelings and allow him to let some of that deep-rooted anger go.
Matty feel worse about himself? Will he feel like we are hiding what feels right and organic to him? Will he feel like we are essentially hiding him from the world by only allowing this at home? If the answers to these questions were yes, was I really ready (and strong enough) to let him parade around head to toe in accessories and pink sparkled everything in public? I laid awake at night and asked myself questions like, “How could my 4-year-old know what was best? He thought it was a brilliant idea to have spaghetti for breakfast and run into oncoming traffic because his ball rolled away. He didn’t yet understand the world, how could he understand himself? Aren’t I supposed to parent my kids? Give them boundaries? Set limits?”
I walked this extremely fine and volatile line between what made Matty happy and what my family and society expected of me.
Trust me these expectations played over in my head like a broken record for months. When talking to people I heard things like, “Well if my child said she was a cat, I wouldn’t feed her out of a dish on the floor and put a collar on her. You shouldn’t entertain Matty thinking he’s female.”
All the while I worried about what the world would think. Was this actually going to make
Someone offered to pay Matty $5 to ‘lose the pink shirt.’ It was hard… and we did have some people supporting us, but no one was
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celebrating this child, not even me. I was sad, confused and angry. With each passing day I was grieving the dreams I had for my two boys. I had envisioned them growing up playing on the same sports teams. I had to let go of the image of these two rugged boys sitting at my kitchen table eating through everything in my refrigerator. I had to grieve while also being an advocate for my 4-year-old. Saying things to people I didn’t even sometimes believe myself.
cut, soccer shirt and Nike sneakers with a tiara and arm of bracelets. I questioned if there was a draw to everyone making a big deal about the boy who loved to dress up. I questioned if he just liked being quirky and different. I also wondered if he ever sensed me doubting him… if I was a bad mother for wondering if my child was being genuine. I woke up each passing day as I struggled to understand, and I told my baby I loved him just how he was…and even with all the doubt and questions, I meant it. My love for him and desire to understand him rose above it all. Matty made me realize that I didn’t have children so they can be what I expected or hoped they would be. I had children to nurture, love and support the people they chose to become.
When we finally made an appointment with the gender unit at Boston Children’s Hospital and had a therapist in place, I was ready to face what was next. It was when the doctor slid across the table to my husband and me a sheet of statistics. I remember hearing Matthew became the words she spoke Madison one February as if she was 100 day only months miles away echoing before she started each sound as it kindergarten. We never made its way to me. told her classmates 1 in 2 kids are at a about the change. The Kids have proven to be far risk of committing or classroom teachers attempting suicide and administrators at more resilient than adults. if not supported Maddie’s preschool with their gender changed pronouns and nonconformity. I the kids all eventually vividly remember my followed suit. Some husband turning to me and saying it felt like a kids asked questions and the teachers simply death sentence for our son if we kept on like stated, “In Maddie’s heart and brain she is a this. girl.” At dance class her first week in a leotard (versus her typical boy uniform she had been I never stopped loving my child. I did carry wearing for years) she headed into class equal with me a guilt for wondering if Matty was parts nervous and excited. As we entered doing all of this for attention. I wondered if the waiting room a little girl in Maddie’s class he liked when people noticed him in his buzz gasped… I thought, “My God here we go.” The
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little dancer proceeded to tell Maddie for a solid 3 minutes how much she loved her boots…her boots! No one in class worried about what she was wearing…she was just Maddie to them. Kids have proven to be far more resilient than adults. Our rigid expectations around gender are being shattered by the upcoming generations. Maddie is lucky to be growing up in the world today and not a world years ago when it seemed no one made space for kids that felt like this. Maddie is 7 years old now. She is not explosive, she doesn’t not throw chairs in her classroom or act angry and misunderstood. In fact, her teachers describe her as sassy, caring, passionate and…Happy. It’s hard for me as a parent to think about the hate my daughter will receive regardless of how progressive we are becoming as a society. It is hard to think about the struggles she will face and the path that won’t be easy to walk. But I know I am giving her the pride and strength to stand up and walk it as her true authentic self…and for that we are both holding our heads high. I recently wrote a children’s book that tells our story. It is written with a children’s audience in mind. I believe it is a good tool for kids to understand gender non-conformity and unconditional love. I want to share my feelings and talk about my struggles around trying to accept my daughter. I want parents who are also struggling to understand their children, to feel my vulnerability and to send the message to never stop trying to understand, love and accept your kids. I spent months researching online and looking for support. I spent so much time being overwhelmed and sad. I was grieving the life I had imagined for my child and family, and came to learn later on that was a normal feeling many parents in my situation feel. This subject is real and relevant in today’s world. I want to give back with my experience in hopes that others will find knowledge, comfort and direction with my story and experience. TD W (originally published on Love What Matters. Reprinted with permission from the author.) Today’s Daring Woman
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This simple book depicts a family’s initial feelings and struggles with gender nonconformity. It brings the reader on a journey that leads to an honest account of unconditional love. This is a true story that helps us understand and celebrate gender diversity.
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Today’s Daring Woman
Heifer International
by Molly Mitchell
Girls on Fire
Devastating floods brought on by monsoon season make it almost impossible for communities of so-called untouchables to keep their heads above water in the flood zone of the Kosi River in Bihar, India. This annual disaster is known as “the curse of the Kosi.” But as more local women break the traditional limitations foisted on them for centuries, they are discovering that empowerment is the key to breaking the cycle of poverty exacerbated by the Kosi’s curse.
The Curse
Once upon a time, Bihar was one of the richest regions of India. The Kosi River and its tributaries, rich with sparkling silt, created verdant farmland. As a naturally meandering river, the Kosi had room to roam and spread its abundance over wide swaths of land. Monsoon season was manageable because
the river’s shape shifted to accommodate the overflowing water supply. The blessings of the Kosi have taken a dark turn. Climate change and attempts to control the river by building ill-advised embankments have conspired to make the yearly monsoon intensify into devastating floods, a phenomenon now referred to by locals as “the curse of the Kosi.” Unable to get their feet back under them during a constant barrage, communities in Bihar are now among the poorest in India. The Kosi River is known nowadays as “the sorrow of Bihar.” Many small-scale farmers live in the known flood zone of the Kosi. A few generations past, these stomping grounds were safer than they are now. Their grandparents and great-grandparents settled there, though it was technically illegal to live in the
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government-owned land. While India as a whole is moving past the caste system, in rural areas the traditional divides are still strong. As untouchables, those who moved into the flood zone did not have the money to buy land, and landowners were unwilling to rent land to members of the lowest caste. Flooding of the Kosi is too severe to reasonably live on its banks, but these families have had few choices. The tide, however, may be turning. Women are rising up to break the limitations of class and traditional gender roles to seek better lives for themselves and future generations.
Garden and Goat
Sharada Devi, 48 years old and a mother of eight children, felt lost and alone in her home village of Tarwara in the state of Bihar. As a member of the lowest caste, she simply didn’t have options in her life, so she worked as a laborer in another, richer farmer’s field. Her husband, Gulma Sada, 53, had to leave her and her children to find work in the faraway town of Punjab. Sharada Devi was only earning 100 rupees a day, the equivalent of $1.50. Even with what her husband was able to earn in the city, there was not enough. The whole family only ate once a day.
“I had no clue at that time exactly what I should do,” Sharada Devi said. Two years ago, Heifer started a project in her area offering goats and training. When Heifer partners came to Tarwara and explained the project, Sharada Devi realized she had a chance to change things. She joined and focused her energy on raising goats. While she had a couple of goats before, the gift of good quality goats and the all-important training on the care of their goats changed everything. Sharada Devi increased the size of her herd and the quality of the animals, building momentum. Today she earns around 15,000 rupees a month, or $224.46. This eclipsed what her husband was making in Punjab, so he was able to come home to his family and join in the new business. “He will stay,” said Sharada Devi. Now the family eats breakfast, lunch and dinner, and the quality of food they eat is better than ever. Sharada Devi received the seeds and training necessary to grow a kitchen garden for the family, and now they eat vegetables almost every day. They can even afford meat about once a week. Beforehand, their one meal a day consisted mostly of rice or an Indian style of flatbread called chapatti. Sharada Devi’s favorite food now is fried okra
...besides the money, in things like this, we get to work together
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spiced with turmeric, onion, garlic, green pepper, cardamom and a pinch of salt. The family members aren’t the only ones getting three square meals a day. “Whenever I eat, I go to give the goats food,” Sharada Devi said. The training Sharada Devi received taught her how to grow her own fodder, best practices on how much to feed and water her goats, how to take care of their health and hygiene, and how to house them in a clean shed. She learned everything that makes for happy, healthy goats, which will ultimately be all the more profitable for her. Now that her husband is back for good and has taken Heifer’s gender equity training, the goat business and their home life are both mutual endeavors. “When I am cooking, I ask him to feed and water the goats sometimes. If I have to buy something from the market, I ask him to go and buy it.” Before, Sharada Devi shouldered the full workload of the home in addition to her farming labors. The new perspective is already being passed down to the next generation. Now, Sharada Devi said, “I am treating equally my daughters and sons. Before my focus was only on boys. [Now], if I buy a goat for my boy, I buy a goat for my daughter also. I send both my sons and daughters to school.” The annual floods still threaten Sharada Devi’s newfound success. That’s why her training included disaster preparedness. The flood waters come up to Sharada Devi’s door almost every year. “[When it floods], I am not able to
Eat Curry Be Happy Indian food is famously delicious. Few dining experiences are more flavourful and satisfying than eating a plateful of Indian curry. There are as many different types of curries as there are cooks, but one of our favorite plates was prepared by one Ram Sevek in his small, dark restaurant in Rasiyar, Bihar. The unassuming exterior had us a little apprehensive, looking much like any number of ramshackle, thatched structures along the dirt roads of rural Bihar. But the food prepared inside earned five stars in my book. Sevek served us a lunch of quintessential Indian fare: dal (a mild, lentil-based curry), saag paneer (a spinach-based curry with chunks of fresh cheese), papar (the thin, crunchy cousin of naan bread), fried spiced okra, rice, fresh tomato and cucumber salad, and flavor bombs in the form of pickled carrots and lemons. The dishes were just spicy enough to be interesting without overwhelming the senses, but I suspect Sevek took pity on this American girl and toned down the typical proportion of spices for my benefit. Today’s Daring Woman
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sleep at night,” she said. She has learned how to make temporary rafts from banana trees and how to construct high bamboo shelters for the family and their animals. They learned how to save food ahead of time so they can still eat when the farmland is flooded and it is too dangerous to leave their home. Most importantly, Sharada Devi said, “I learned how to protect myself and my family.”
Friendship is Magic
Munni Devi and other women in her community weren’t so sure about joining the Heifer project in her home village of Bhathaili when they first heard about it. The lynchpin of the project is bringing women together in selfhelp groups, or community groups that work together to save money, make loans to each other and otherwise help each other make a living. Munni Devi and the women in her village mostly worked in isolation, sometimes forming groups of three or four friends. They wondered if the large group of 17 Heifer was proposing would be able to get along. Munni Devi already had so little, and being part of the project meant each woman invested money into the group regularly. “What if the people start fighting amongst themselves, and my money will go to waste?” she thought.
HOW TO DRAPE A SARI
Munni Devi’s neighbor Priyanka Devi was enthusiastic about the idea, however, and she eventually sold it to Munni Devi and the other women in the group. After a few months, the women formed a deep trust and their fears disappeared.
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Saris, traditional garments worn by women across South Asia, have the reputation of being as difficult to wear as they are beautiful. A sari (also spelled “saree”) is a 6-to-9-yard length of unstitched, sheer fabric that is wrapped or draped around the body without the use of safety pins. Here’s one method of draping a sari: 1. Line the end of the fabric up just below your navel and wrap it around your waist once, tucking the fabric into whatever you’re wearing underneath all the way around
2. Take the end of the sari fabric, flip it so you have one corner in each hand, and pleat the edge accordion style. Today’s Daring Woman
Now the bond between the women in the selfhelp group is one of the most meaningful parts of the project for Munni Devi. Before, she said, they only saw each other at special occasions. But the group gave them a reason to come together. They work together, and through this common purpose they bonded. “Earlier, we were small groups of three or four. Now we are 17 women coming together. We have become a much stronger group,” Munni Devi said, sitting on her bed with four other group members gathered closely beside her. It is easy to see the affection between them as they sit closely on the bed, another friend showing up and hopping in with the rest every few minutes, greeted by hugs and laughter. Munni Devi says this is an example of the difference the project has made. “Before joining the group, we were not used to sitting together. She was involved with her activities, she was involved with her activities. Everyone was working alone.” Now, she says, if someone has work to do in their gardens or with their goats, the other group members come together to help each other. “Something that would take two hours before, we are able to manage it in one.” With the extra time, Munni Devi and the others in her group hope to turn one of their passions into productive work. They see that in the future, the lack of land will eventually bottleneck their agricultural growth. So they have ambitions to take a skill they all know— sewing—and turn that into income, too. It also appeals to them because it is work they can do
3. Take the pleated fabric and wrap it loosely around your body again, then drape the end over your left shoulder. The end should hang to your knee. 4. Take the edge of the innermost layer of fabric hanging a few inches above your navel and pull it taught to the right all the way around your torso and tuck it underneath the first pleat you started with under the navel. 5. Now you have a circle of fabric leftover. Start at one end of the circle and pleat it all the way to the end. Tuck the pleated fabric into the spot under your navel where you started.
together. “Money is of course there,” Munni Devi said. “But besides the money, in things like this, we get to work together. We get to spend time together.” In rural India, women rarely have power to decide their own futures. When the women in Bhathaili first started the project, their husbands hesitated. “But very soon they began to see the return because of us,” Munni Devi said. “Because the women are taking part, it is beneficial for their household. It is saving them. So, they have become agreeable, and they are also taking part.” Before this project, women said they could not speak up if they disagreed about a decision their husbands made. But now, if they are convinced that a decision is good, they convince their husbands. Priyanka Devi reports they now say to their husbands, “If I am logical, how can you say no?” Munni Devi’s sons did not get a chance to study, but it’s a different story for her daughter, Preeti Kumar. Munni Devi proudly revealed that Preeti is literate in both written language and computer science. As part of the project, Heifer set up a literacy program to teach women in the self-help group who are not yet literate. Preeti Kumar is the appointed
teacher in Bhathaili. Before the project, Munni Devi and the women in her group were scared of change. Now, they have abandoned fear for confidence. “If we find something good and we think we should do it, we just do it,” said Munni Devi. “We cannot be stopped.”
The Graduate
Higher education is rare for men and nigh-on unheard of for women in the village of Begumpur. The general attitude was that if anyone got to go to school, it would be boys. Educating girls is pointless since they will just get married and go live with their husbands. If you educate a son, the thinking goes, he will support you. But growing up, Puja Devi liked studying. She had only made it to 10th grade when she married Chandresh Kumar Das, but Puja Devi agreed to marry on the condition that he would allow her to continue her studies. It was an unusual proposal for their culture, but Puja Devi and Das did it anyway. Against all odds, she graduated college in 2017. There was a time when she very nearly gave up. They were so poor, she said, there was not enough money to study and take care their home and family. “We were all very weak,” she said, due to lack of nutrition. When Heifer taught them how to raise goats and they
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The Guest is
GOD
Hospitality is of utmost importance in Indian culture. The traditional etiquette of hosting guests stems from an ancient Hindu scripture in the Sanskrit Taittirīya Upanishad. The proverb reads “atithidevo bhava,” or “one must treat guests as though they are gods.” The specific rituals of greeting and hosting guests vary throughout India, but there are a few that are consistently observed, especially in rural villages. 1. Flower blessing: Flower offerings come in many forms, such as a flower garland placed around your neck or flowers thrown directly into your face from point-blank range. 2. Tilak: The tilak is the colourful dot worn most often, but not exclusively, on the forehead. The tilak comes in many variations and with many meanings. In Bihar, it is also called a “tikah.” Married women wear an additional tikah in the part of their hair to signify that they are married. Hosts will make a paste out of a colorful base such as vermillion and give guests a tilak to signify their place as an honoured guest. Sometimes a grain of rice might be added to the guest’s tilak. 3. Something to eat: Food is an allimportant offering to any guest, starting with refreshments of chai tea and water, on to an invitation to stay for whatever the next meal is, complete with a package of something delicious for the road. Ganga Devi: “If any guests come to my house, this is my culture, so … I feel happy, and I would like to welcome them like this.” 46
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started making money and eating well, she decided to restart her studies. She persisted until she graduated. “I’m very happy,” she said. “I was thrilled to not only graduate but graduate with good marks. Now I want to study more.” Psychology was Puja Devi’s favorite subject because “it explains why people do the things they do,” she said. But Puja Devi aspires to earn a more advanced degree in education and become a certified teacher. That way, she can teach full-time in school rather than the after-school Hindi and English classes she currently teaches. Puja Devi’s plan is to not let any child in the community go uneducated. She intends to go door to door and ask parents to send their children to school, boys and girls. If they say no, she said, she will convince them with her own story of how she got an education and how it changed her life. Puja believes that education can bring the community out of poverty. “This is the only way in which we can pull them out of their misery.”
The Key
Rashmi Nandan Kisku caused a stir in the remote village of Sauntha when she started pedaling around town on a bicycle. She was the first girl in town to ride a bike. Many in Sauntha disapproved and approached her mother, Lakshmi Kisku, to tell her so. But Lakshmi Kisku was resolute in her decision to give her daughter a bike. “I want her to ride a bicycle,” she said. “I think they should also think like that. Why should we be behind anyone?” Lakshmi Kisku is a 30-year-old mother of three girls and founding director of a Heifersupported produce company. The company is a coalition of small-scale women farmers who formed a for-profit company. Lakshmi Kisku is a forward-thinker and go-getter in Sauntha. She was inspired to get Rashmi a bicycle when her work took her to Delhi. The trip to the progressive capitol opened her eyes to the possibilities for women and girls. “More than the houses and the roads,” she said, “I saw people free. The sense of freedom even for
girls. Girls on bikes!” Lakshmi Kisku came back from Delhi with a new vision for women in her community. “I want to bring change out here,” she said. “Even if it is a little harder to achieve here, I want to see the change.” Lakshmi Kisku has come a long way since 2010, when she was 22 and a member of a newly-formed Heifer project. She joined hoping to save money through a self-help group with other women. At the time she and her husband didn’t have any savings, or even a bank account. Like most people in Bihar, she and her husband were day laborers in other farmers’ fields, and they didn’t have enough food or medicine. Lakshmi Kisku and her husband had to choose between food and medicine, and the whole family stayed sick most of the time. Rashmi was malnourished, and even today she is small for her age. “I was always troubled,” Lakshmi Kisku said, remembering that time. The gift of two goats and some business training turned it all around. She realized that owning goats provides a sense of security as well as a form of income—goats are so easy to sell in her rural setting, they work like an ATM for her. Today she has 17 goats. Lakshmi and her fellow project members’ success led them to form the produce company. So far the company has sold rice, maize and goats. Lakshmi Kisku has risen to a position of leadership she never imagined before. One of her trips to Delhi was to make a presentation about the company to a group of potential investors and buyers. Heifer India helped set up this Shark Tank-esque meeting, and Lakshmi Kisku rose to the occasion. Speaking out is a new paradigm for Lakshmi. “I was very scared and shy earlier,” she remembered. “But then we started doing Pass on the Gift events. And these events were often attended by people from banks and other [important] people.” Lakshmi Kisku got her start speaking
publicly at these community events, so that by the time she went to Delhi for the big presentation she was a pro. When Rashmi finished first in her class, Lakshmi Kisku threw her daughter a party. A lot of people came, including members of the upper caste. Before the Heifer project, Lakshmi Kisku would not even come out of her house if someone from a high caste was walking by. In many parts of India, an upper caste woman would not let a lower caste person even enter their house or kitchen. But Lakshmi Kisku found herself cooking with an upper caste friend. “I feel very proud of what I have achieved,” she said. “Now I have achieved the level where I am entering the house and sitting equally with upper caste people.” Lakshmi Kiksu is most proud of the impression she has made on her daughters. Rashmi told her one day, “You are not a simple person. You have been to the place where the prime minister goes and speaks. You went and spoke there. You are not ordinary. You are a special person.”
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[AWARENESS ]
Lakshmi Kisku’s leadership skills were on display during the especially destructive floods in the fall of 2017. Lakshmi Kisku and the other directors pooled cash and raised money so they could donate relief kits 600 families. “We did the flood relief because we realized our company should not do business only for profit,” Lakshmi Kisku said. “If we can do some work for humanity, and we can raise funds, we will also engage in that activity. And we should. Because we are all at the same level. No one is going to come [from] outside. We are here.” TD W
Photos Courtesy of Heifer International
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[AWARENESS ]
K I V A Helping Women Achieve Financial Inclusion in Every Part of the World Photos by Brandon Smith for Kiva
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Kiva is an international nonprofit based in San Francisco with a mission to connect people through lending to alleviate poverty. Founded in 2005 with an emphasis on fostering global financial inclusion through sustainable solutions, Kiva celebrates and supports people looking to create better futures for themselves, their families and their communities. Here’s how it works: Visitors to the site browse through individual profiles, stories, and focus areas and choose the entrepreneurial projects they want to lend to through organizations that are on the ground in countries all around the world, called Field Partners. Lending contributions can be as small as $25, and once the borrower’s loan is repaid, that money can be lent to another project, then another, and then another. $25 on the site goes a long way – and Kiva lenders can truly see where. These crowdfunded loans can help borrowers start or grow a business, go to school, access clean energy or explore their passion for the first time. For some, it’s a matter of survival, for others it’s the fuel for a life-long ambition. 100% of every dollar lent on Kiva goes to funding loans. Kiva covers costs primarily through optional donations, as well as through support from grants and sponsors. Women around the world have much less access to fair and affordable credit for their businesses or basic needs: While 46% of men around the world report having access to formal financial services, the figure is only a staggering 27% for women. Kiva helps women start businesses, go to school, lead their communities, advocate for women’s rights and build strong families. 81% of borrowers and 64% of lenders on the site overall are women.
Because women are so likely to face financial exclusion globally, Kiva has dedicated many of their efforts to assure that women from every corner of the world are represented by including a special section dedicated to funding women’s projects on their website. One such woman who has benefitted from a Kiva loan is a young woman from rural Cambodia named Phearong, who, with no female role models and a limited income, never thought she would get a higher education, or even leave her parents’ home until marriage. The youngest daughter, she was expected to accept her fate of an arranged marriage, and stay home to take care of her parents. Thanks to Kiva and a field partner aimed at empowering women in rural Cambodia, she was able to access a scholarship at a university in Phnom Penh. And thanks to 46 Kiva lenders who believed in Phearong, she also took out a $1,000 0% interest loan that covered living expenses, and as a result, had time to gain work experience in the field of empowering young Cambodian women. Phearong is one of many women achieving her dreams and inspiring the next generation of women thanks to the kindness of crowdfunding lenders. Syrian women refugees starting their own businesses, women escaping abusive marriages and women in rural countries starting new businesses and dominating in male-centric fields are among the Kiva loan recipients able to rise above their circumstances. TD W You can make a serious impact on someone like Phearong by visiting kiva.org/lend/women and making a loan to a project of your choosing.
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Blink of an Eye
Today’s Daring Woman
If we all had the attitude that we can do anything, that we can be anything, if we follow our dreams and our hearts… we can change the world.
- Maggie Doyne
After Maggie Doyne’s senior year of high school, as her friends headed to college, the 18-year-old boarded a plane in New Jersey and set off to see the world with just her backpack and eyes wide open. Four countries and 20,000 miles later, she found herself trekking through the Himalayas and walking along the dirt roads of Nepal’s most poverty-stricken villages. It is here that Maggie met a little six-year-old girl, one of the hundreds of struggling children she met on her journey. She was breaking stones in a dry riverbed and selling them to earn a few dollars to feed her family. She was barely surviving, yet a glimmer of light shined deep within. Maggie was shocked by what she saw and decided to take action.
What have we done as a human family that our children are living this way? More importantly, what can be done to reverse the course? Maggie got to work. She helped this one little girl go to school, paying for her tuition, uniform, and books, and started to transform her life. Then she helped a few more children, then a few more. But her money could only go so far. More was needed. These children
needed a place to call home. Over the next two years, the dream of building a safe, clean, stable home became a reality. Maggie purchased land in Surkhet, Nepal, with her life savings of $5,000. The home’s foundation was soon poured thanks to the astounding help of the local Nepalese community – led by BlinkNow Co-Founder Top Bahadur Malla – along with an emerging group of supporters from Maggie’s hometown of Mendham, New Jersey, and others around the world. Brick by brick, walls began to rise. The roof went up. And in 2008, the front door of Kopila Valley Children’s Home opened. Kopila, which means “flower bud,” is now home to a family of over 40 beautiful, happy, thriving children, and of course their mother and guardian, Maggie. Top heads up their dedicated team of caregivers, cooks, “aunties” and “uncles” who keep the house clean, the children fed and everyone’s spirits high. In 2010, another dream came true: Kopila Valley School. The primary school, built out of locally harvested bamboo, is gorgeous and bustling with over 350 children from Surkhet and surrounding areas. Many are the first in their families to ever attend school, creating a new generation of literate, educated students who will become empowered adults. Our allNepali faculty and staff make sure each and every child is set up for success. Beyond schooling, the students are provided health care and a daily nutritious meal, as well as a sense of community and confidence that grows with each passing year. Every child in the world should be provided with the most basic needs and rights – a safe home, medical care, an education and love. And with that, they will grow up to be adults
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with a social conscience and the skills to continue our mission of ending the cycles of poverty and violence in our world.
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We believe that in the blink of an eye, we can all make a difference. Over the years, our passion and commitment have turned into a home, a school and a successful grassroots organization. The vision of the BlinkNow Foundation is to: • Sustain, grow and support Kopila Valley Children’s Home and School in Surkhet, Nepal • Serve as a vehicle to share ideas with others, especially children and teens in the U.S. • Empower young people to become pioneers in developing their own solutions to world poverty
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The time for change is now. In addition to the home and school, we provide a Health Clinic and Women’s Center for our community in Kopila Valley. Construction is under way for a high school. And more ideas and inspirations are always on the horizon. TD W
Doing Good Together empowers families to raise children who are kind and caring. Our mission is unique and deeply layered. We provide tools to both families and organizations to help them raise compassionate, engaged children. Our innovative activities, resources, and support help make empathy and “giving back” a natural part of life’s early lessons. Visit DGT to find family-friendly volunteer opportunities and tips, athome
service
projects,
discussion-worthy
books,
recommendations reflection
for
materials,
big-hearted and
more!
WWW.DOINGGOODTOGETHER.ORG
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reading
EMPOWERED
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f
10 Titles To Pick Up
Whiskey in a Teacup
What Growing up in the South Taught Me About Life, Love, and Baking Biscuits by Reese Witherspoon
Educated: A Memoir
Amazon’s Pick for Best Book of the Year
Unfu*k Yourself Get Out of Your Head and into Your Life by Gary John Bishop
by Tara Westover
NOW!
Balance: It’s Yours if You Want It
A Practical Handbook for Finding Balance During Life’s Difficult Moments
Beautifully Said
Quotes by Remarkable Women and Girls, Designed to Make You Think by Quotabelle
by Suzie Doscher
That’s What She Said Wise Words from Influential Women by Kimothy Joy
Soulful Woman Guidance Cards Nurturance, Empowerment, & Inspiration for the Femenine Soul
Lessons
A Path to a Meaningful Life by Gisele Bündchen
Only Love Today
Reminders to Breathe More, Stress Less, and Choose Love
Dare to Lead
Brave Work. Tough Conversations. Whole Hearts. by Brené Brown
by Rachel Macy Stafford
by Shushann Movsessian & Gemma Summers
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wellness
HEALTH &
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An
Invitation
Notice
to
Let Go & by Laura Cockett
Take all of the day-to-day pressures of work (deadlines, tricky colleagues, last minute meetings) and home (laundry piling up, cooking, last minute homework panics) and add in gift shopping, credit cards stretched to the limit and some eccentric extended family. It’s no wonder so many women are filled with dread as soon as they see the shops rolling out the Christmas stock in September. Forget the snow and ice out there in winter. For some women, Christmas time can feel like the storm is going on inside their heads. It doesn’t have to be this way. You don’t have to spend your holiday time feeling under pressure and exhausted, locking yourself in the bathroom for five minutes of peace, desperately Googling, ‘island holidays for one’. You can have a joyful, calm and happy Christmas (and every day of the year) – when you begin to see where our experience of life comes from. We think that our experience of life comes from ‘out there’, outside of ourselves. We think we’re annoyed because someone jumped the queue at the coffee shop. We think we’re stressed because we missed the train and will be half an hour late home. We think we’re under pressure because we’ve got an Everest-sized to-do list and no time to do it. It looks like everything we feel and experience is caused by the
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[HEALTH & WELLNESS ] things ‘out there’, in the world. In essence, it looks like our happiness – or lack of it – is to do with other people and the things that happen to us. Actually, it’s the opposite. What’s happening for us all, every day, is we are living in a reality created entirely by our own thinking. We have a thought about something; we believe the thought; we experience the feelings that thought gives us. We project our own thinking on to the things that happen in our lives to create our own unique experience of life. I can sense some of you shaking your heads and saying, ‘No, no - it really IS the things that happen out there that make me feel this way!’ Think about it like this. Have you ever been in a meeting or at a social occasion with a handful of other people and then later, you hear one of those people retell the story of what happened. You think to yourself, ‘That’s not what happened at all!’ That’s because each person at that event projected their own thinking onto the things that took place and had a different experience of it as a result. Or maybe you were with colleagues one day when
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your boss came in and shouted at everyone. Some people were upset, some were scared, some seemed unfazed and others slightly amused. Same event – entirely different experiences. We only experience life through our thinking. So, if at 3pm you’re still stewing over what your boss said to you at 9am and are feeling upset about it, you need to see that your thoughts are creating that experience for you. The event is over; it was six hours ago. It exists only in your thinking about it and you are creating that unpleasant experience over and over by staying in that thought. If you held your hand over a hot stove and your hand started to burn, you’d take your hand away, wouldn’t you? It hurts, and you don’t want to cause yourself pain. Yet we often do just that with our thinking. We dwell on past hurts or future imagined problems and we spend time in those thoughts, causing ourselves distress, tiring ourselves out and making us feel like life is one long battle. And the thing is that these thoughts - capable of causing joy, distress, anxiety and excitement
Whether we feel good or bad, we’re living in the feelings created by thoughts we have believed.
- are just passing through; they aren’t reliable data. There are common expressions we use to explain how our thinking works – we say, ‘The thought crossed my mind,’ or ’I had a fleeting thought…’ Sure, the thoughts that tell us, ‘Don’t cross against a red light’, or ‘Remember to pick the kids up after dance practice’, are all great. They help keep you safe and they get you to where you need to be. And factual thoughts you’ve collected over the years like, ‘Henry VIII had six wives’, are no problem either. I’m talking about the ‘noisy thinking’, that creates feelings of stress, anxiety and overwhelm. Thoughts that make you feel you aren’t good enough, don’t try hard enough, aren’t pretty enough. Bullying thoughts that can persist and make each day feel like a mountain to climb and leave you feeling shattered at the end of it all, reaching for the wine and TV remote to try and drown the noise out. I like to think of these noisy thoughts as junk mail. I have email so I can work, and stay in touch with family and friends, but along with all the good stuff comes a certain amount of junk mail. The ‘noisy thoughts’ are your junk mail.
You can tell which ones they are by how they make you feel – anxious, stressed, frustrated. They often have little to do with what’s occurring in the present moment – they tend to be about what happened 10 minutes ago, yesterday or even a year before. Or sometimes they come in the guise of the seemingly plausible ‘What If…’ ‘What if I’m late?’ ‘What if don’t pass that test?’ ‘What if no one likes the way I baste the turkey?’ Before you know it, you’re worried and anxious and half an hour or more passes before something brings you back to the present and you step off that ‘train of thought’. At Christmas time, we often feel even more bombarded by our thinking. Thoughts about what we ‘should’ be doing and who we ‘should’ spend our time with mix with anxious thoughts about how much money to spend on gifts, and worries about which invitations to accept and which to decline. This mingles with all the ongoing ‘noisy thinking’ you’re already having and can lead to a sense of overload that makes Christmas feel, well, not much like the season to be jolly we were promised. It’s powerful stuff, thought.
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[HEALTH & WELLNESS ]
Understanding where our experiences come from changes everything. So how do you quieten down that busy mind to enable greater clarity of thinking and peace to come through for you? This system through which we experience life is one you can trust – it always works the same way. Within this system, two things are absolutely true. Firstly, if you begin to notice what creates your experience – thought believed – you will begin to be less caught up in thought. You can notice all your thoughts coming and going – the nice ones, the happy ones, the anxious ones and the crappy ones. You can notice them as they cross your mind and you can let them go. You can have a thought that makes you feel anxious and trust that, if you do nothing but notice and let go, a fresh thought will be hot on its heels, offering you a new experience. It’s a certainty. The second truth is that the moment we stick our hands in the system and start fiddling around, life gets hard. We have a thought like, ‘I feel stressed at the moment’, and we metaphorically invite it in and sit it down for tea. It brings all its thought friends with it, thoughts like, ‘Yes, you’re stressed alright. In fact, you’re not coping well. I reckon everyone can tell. People probably think you’re failing. You’re as much use as a chocolate teapot.’ And before you know it, thought has created a whole new experience of life for you – from one thought believed. Because whether we feel good or bad, we’re living in the feelings created by thoughts we have believed. It really is that simple. The wonderful news is that because we created this reality we’re experiencing, through
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a series of thoughts we have believed, we can also change it. Instead of staying stuck in ‘junk mail’ thinking, we can begin to see that, at any moment, we can have a fresh thought and therefore a whole new experience of living. Notice the feelings you have, however undesirable you may feel they are, and then notice the thoughts you had right before you felt stressed or pressured. Then let go of that thought. Notice…and let go. Rinse and repeat. That’s as much as there is ‘to do’ in order to begin to feel better and have a quieter mind. No mantras, no daily practise, no 5-step plan. Notice….and let go. Understanding where our experience comes from changes everything. Suddenly you see that the thoughts you are having about how Christmas is ‘supposed’ to be are just that – thoughts, and you don’t need to believe them. You can see that you don’t need to get another credit card to spend the ‘right’ amount – that’s just a thought you had. When you feel stressed because Christmas dinner is running late, you can notice that you feel stressed - then let go of the thought that gave rise to that feeling, rather than believe it and invite it in to ruin your whole day. So that’s my invitation to you this Christmas. Whatever you are experiencing in a moment, know that you are living in the feelings created by thoughts believed. You can trust that the moment you allow a fresh thought in, your whole experience of life changes again. And seeing how your experience works is the gift that will keep on giving all year round. Notice… and let go. It’s that simple. TD W
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[HEALTH & WELLNESS ]
Escape from Ego by Christi Wedel I sat in my car with tear filled eyes, gazing up at the dilapidated old building I lived in wondering, how did I get here? How did I go from enjoying a successful career, living and working in a swanky high-rise in downtown Dallas to a shaking shell of the person I once was? I knew it had to stop, I begged for it to stop. I was a nightly blackout drunk. I couldn’t not drink and I couldn’t drink. I was lost in every way a person can be. Physically. Mentally. Spiritually. I was always uncomfortable in my skin and I was always a rule breaker. Rules never mattered to me, I was an exception to the rules anyway. So I thought. At the age of 16, when my grandmother went to work, I skipped school and invited some friends over. It would
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be the second time I tasted alcohol and the second time in my life that I could exhale. The first time I tasted alcohol, I was date raped. Why on earth would any normal person drink to that extent again? Welcome to the diabolical sickness of alcoholism. And so began the vicious cycle of trying to chase down the “fun” I thought I was having until I nearly chased it to an early grave. My childhood was full of fear, loneliness and despair. I had absolutely no roots. My parents divorced when I was 3 years old and myself and my sister were tossed around to different family members, foster homes, emergency shelters and the list goes on. We were broken and unloved. Thank God we had each other. I can’t imagine enduring the habitual abuse we
did alone. It was not until the moment I felt alcohol course through my veins that I felt, for the first time ever, relief. A false sense of relief of course, but at the time, it was everything I thought I wanted. It numbed the pain. I spent many years trying to escape. Escape reality. Escape fear, feelings, consequences. What I found is the only way is through. And escaping all the “bad” things in life also prevented me from enjoying the good times in life. Because when I came down, all those feelings that I was trying to escape, well, they were still there. Those consequences that I tried escaping from? Yep, those were still there too, except they were worse. Figuring out that feelings pass and that I don’t have to act on every single emotion was mind blowing. I can feel the feelings and let them pass! I don’t have to self-destruct every time I’m uncomfortable.
If you are struggling please know you are NOT alone. There is help. Don’t give up. Reach out. Ask for help. You matter. Your story matters. You are loved. You have a purpose.
I thank God for directing me to Alcoholics Anonymous and for the subsequent life I am able to enjoy today. I am beyond grateful for all of the hell that I have walked through -- because without it, I would never have stumbled upon my own strength. And without my strength, I never would be able to reach out and serve the next suffering alcoholic. That is how this thing called recovery works, in my opinion. We do it together. One. Day. At. A Time. I can’t help but wonder if I made it to where I am now so I can share my story to help others. Maybe sharing my story will help one person feel like there is hope? Maybe. I don’t know. But I do know I am extremely grateful for this beautiful, difficult, crazy, amazing, sober, fun, wonderful life of mine. I’m grateful I’m here today to tell my story. I’m grateful I get to see my son smile every single day. If you are struggling please know you are NOT alone. There is help. Don’t give up. Reach out. Ask for help. You matter. Your story matters. You are loved. You have a purpose. There is hope. There is help. I promise you this, God wants to give you a life beyond your wildest dreams. Allow Him into your heart and He will fill the void you have been trying to fill with poison with unimaginable and unconditional love. TD W
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the sobriety collective
@wearesober @wearesober @sobrietycollective
where creatives recover together
www.thesobrietycollective.com INTERNATIONAL BEST SELLING AUTHOR JULEE HUNT WANTS YOU TO KNOW...
LIFE IS MESSY! YOU'RE STILL WORTHY Reclaim your life Take the Worthiness Warrior quiz on www.juleehunt.com today! 66
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Joy
With Appreciation, by Isabel Hundt
My dearest, Now is the time when you’ll probably start singing “Joy to the World” while decorating your home with the letters of my name. And this is all well and good, of course, but I’ve always wondered why it’s always the last month of the year when people focus on the meaning of who I am and how I show up in their lives. Allow me to introduce myself: my name is JOY. I’m closely related to happiness, contentment, and courage. I also embody a certain frequency, much like my friends Fear, Anger, and Sadness. I am, however, one of the emotions that is
very close to the center of your very being, your essence and divine greatness. Whenever you experience me, you find yourself vibrating on a high frequency and boy, do I love all the attention I get. It’s nice to know that people want to be with me, appreciate me, or even yearn for me. What I don’t understand, though, is why you constantly keep looking for me day in and day out? You urge for my presence as if I just packed my bags and left on a one-way ticket out of town, but I’ve never left. You need to understand that I am ALWAYS a part of your experience. Sometimes you have a habit of focusing a bit too much on my lower vibrating colleagues, like Fear and Anger (who, by the way, are just as important as I am.). It seems that by turning them into the kind of
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[HEALTH & WELLNESS ]
evil the world is trying to convince you of, you have become so blinded that you forgot about me. Just because you can’t see me (or rather feel me) doesn’t mean I am no longer by your side. I’m sitting here watching you struggle and telling yourself that once you have achieved XYZ you will finally feel content and happy. Well let me make this abundantly clear right now - happiness should never be a required state of being to be seen as successful or to feel accepted and understood. Unfortunately, society teaches you a different story. You are so desperate for my presence that you tend to sell your soul without even being fully aware that you’re signing it away on the dotted line. You buy into consumerism, materialism, the next “big” idea, the cosmetic industry, and so many others. I’m just going to rip this bandaid off now and tell you that none of them can fill your internal void. All this just works to drive you further away from the understanding of who I am in your life. By chasing after me, you lose all sense of joy within the journey. Happiness and joy can’t be found on the outside; it can only be discovered on the inside. The interesting thing about me, your favorite emotion (obviously, haha), is that you can feel happy even when you feel all the other emotions. “How?” you may ask? It’s quite simple: by acknowledging every other emotion as being your inner guide, your messenger, as a part of your journey. When you change and reevaluate your relationship with your emotional expressions, you will change how you look at life and feel much more empowered. When you can show gratitude for what shows up, be with it instead of judging yourself and understand its message for you personally, you can actually experience happiness within the chaos in life. Truly seeing with your heart and distinguishing what you feel, even when it feels heavy, takes away the power you’ve given whatever that
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experience is, allowing you to choose to step back into your own power of becoming the observer, not the victim. Awareness leads to making powerful choices that are in alignment with the very essence of who you are, which then leads to a deep feeling of acceptance and inner joy. Nobody can ever take that away from you, not even your outer circumstances. My energy is so strong that you can find me in everything. I, Joy, am the fundamental energy of “what is” that strongly radiates from your heart and covers all that surrounds you. Remember, I am just energy making myself known on a specific frequency that, in my case, brings you closer to your Higher Self. For example, when my friend Fear makes its appearance, I am accompanying him. When Anger shows up, I am right there as well. You see, the only difference is your focus. So, my question to you is: “Are you willing to let go of your learned understanding of your emotional world, and let us help you find your path in this physical world?” When you can answer this question with a “yes” then you will experience joy despite the different layers of experience you may have. It’s important to know that when you can embrace the flow of life, you will feel more content, which will support you in renewing the faith in yourself and your spiritual experience while joy allows you to experience radiance, bliss, expansion, and inspiration. Every single one of us, your emotions, moves you forward, but on our own time. When you honor that, we are not just a physical experience but a spiritual one. We become your personal guide and you will be able to tap into what is meant for you and your life with much more ease, grace, love, and freedom. Try it, explore this possibility. I dare you! With appreciation, Joy
TD W
(this could be you) Interested in advertising with us? Go to daringwomaninc.com/advertise Today’s Daring Woman
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[HEALTH & WELLNESS ]
Managing Stress During the Holidays by Martina Coogan
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It’s easy to get caught up in the stress of the holidays. Whether you are planning a get together with family, traveling far, or concerned with the financial aspect of holidays, the event itself can cause us lots of unwanted anxiety. Interestingly enough the holidays are supposed to bring us closer to our loved ones, but we get easily sidetracked with our to-do lists before the holiday. There are a few ways to manage the stress which we have out line below.
1. Meditation
One of the reasons that meditation is so often touted by successful people – people who are without a doubt extremely busy – is that it doesn’t take very long to see the effects. With even five minutes to spare, anyone can practice meditation, and research has shown again and again that even a brief period is enough to see rewards. Increased mindfulness, better control over our emotions, better focus and a clearer head are all seen in those who take the time to regularly meditate, even if that time is five minutes or less, once per day! Sit in a comfortable chair, take a few deep breaths until you feel your muscles relax in your legs, shoulders and face. Keep taking deep breaths in through the nose and out of the mouth and then picture a fast and furious river running through your mind. Place all your thoughts, emotions, feelings, and to do lists into the river. After a few minutes your mind will begin to settle as well as the river and you can go back to your day!
2. Remember to take care of yourself
When we’re struggling, or feel as though we’re only treading water, it’s often the little things that are the first to go. We begin to take less care of ourselves, and tend to prioritise only the big things. Like triage, we need to decide what to focus on and what can be allowed to fall by the wayside. However, all too often we decide to ignore the very things that will make us feel better– we aren’t motivated to exercise and we stop caring so much about eating healthily. It’s easy to do, but when we ignore the little things, we are ignoring the simple building blocks of a better way of life! We need to look after ourselves first, and the rest will fall into place. Why not listen to one of your favorite songs and DANCE like noone is watching. Indulge in your favorite chocolate, or a nice cup of tea. Even better, take an Epson salt bath and light some candles!
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[HEALTH & WELLNESS ]
3. Raise the Frequency
Use the 5 senses to set up a tranquil space in your home! Why not get an oil diffuser and chose a scent that’s relaxing. Lavender oil is said to be very calming and letting the scent permeate through your home will surely create a relaxing atmosphere. Looking to set the tone, play music that is in 432 hz or 528 hz. 432 hz resonates within our body, expands our conscious mind, and releases negative emotions. It expands our heart chakra, making us more loving and compassionate with others. 528 hz is known as the love frequency which creates a healing vibration in the mind, body, and spirit.
4. Keep things Light
Board games, or any fun games can be introduced to keep things light. I know we all have a competitive side but, we can set some ground rules beforehand. Better yet, choose a simple game like Jenga. If you are worried about conversations at the dinner table make a “rule”, that if politics get involved or any touchy subject matter, the person who brought up the subject has to stand up breakdance for 30 seconds straight! The energy of the room will definitely shift and there are bound to be some giggles.
5. Time Management
One way to get organized is to make a to-do list. This doesn’t have to be a chore either. You can color code your list if you like, and prioritize what needs to be done first, by writing it in a bold color! Getting organized greatly helps you manage stress. Making lists, and preplanning your duties beforehand will help relax your mind and you will feel more in control. Plus, you do not have to say YES to everything. Rather than doing everything yourself, ask for some help. Manage your time in a way that supports you, rather than pouring from an empty cup. There are so many creative ways to beat holiday stress. Now you have some new tools that can help you combat tension and have a successful holiday. TD W
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podcast
DARING WOMAN
We all have a story within us. Some stories are full of love and laughter. Others are full of fear, trauma and obsession. And yet others are a combination of the two. Stories of overcoming the challenges life has thrown our way, and how we walked through hell and came out on top. On the Daring Woman Podcast, I have the privilege to talk with these incredible women who have walked through nightmares, and used those experiences to rise, shine and become powerful, inspiring and amazing women. I am honored to be able to share their stories with you. You can listen to each episode at
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http://daringwomaninc.com/stories
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[DARING WOMAN PODCAST ]
The Giving Challenge In a fast-paced world with so many of us buried in technology, we often find ourselves forgetting to look up and look around. You have a special gift, and it’s one that most of humanity possesses. It’s the gift of kindness. But we forget to be kind as we get caught up in our own lives and our own needs. We grumble as someone takes too long in line. We moan and groan anything we perceive as an inconvenience to us. What began as a New Year’s challenge, for Stephanie Jones, to give a gift everyday for a year turned to into 522 days. Her giving journey changed her life. Giving, with no expectations, opened the door for more giving (and receiving), for understanding the power of gratitude, and for the possibility of living out dreams, she didn’t know existed. Tune in for a gentle reminder that giving is easy and kindness is free. For more information on Stephanie, visit www.thegivinggal.com
Living Your Passion For many years, Katherine Jansen dreamed of life on a farm where she could coach her clients in a natural, beautiful setting. As she teaches her clients, Katherine believes goals are achieved with courage, faith, compassion, and perseverance. Two years ago, Katherine’s dream became a reality when she and her husband left their manicured, suburban home and moved to a rural farmhouse on twelve acres. In this episode, Katherine and Tracey talk about life on the farm and what it truly means to live your passion. Visit Katherine on her farm – http://www.shepherdsknoll.farm 74
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Love Starts With You As a child, my parents divorced when I was 5. I grew up not liking my mom and idolizing my dad, even though deep down I was dealing with abandonment issues from the divorce. I turned to man after man to try and fill the emptiness I felt deep inside. An emptiness that I never realized was something that only I could fill, by loving myself. Jenna Ponaman had a very similar past. In this heartfelt episode, we share our twin childhoods, and Jenna gives some powerful pointers on how to move past our past and into loving ourselves. Visit Jenna’s website: www.jennaponamancoaching.com
The Size of Everything Imagine being 5 years old, locked out of your house and having to sleep in the flower bed. Imagine wondering every day if you were going to be beaten for something you did or didn’t do. Imagine being forced to eat absolutely nauseating food. Imagine, going to bed only to find every dirty dish from the entire day piled in the middle of your bed for you to wash. This is just some of the horror that Erin Cole faced growing up. Erin had a choice to make. She could take the path of addiction, alcoholism, abuse…or she could make something of herself. Today, Erin is a well-known designer of bridal gowns and fashion. This is her story… Be sure to grab a copy of her book, The Size of Everything.
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YOUR STARS FOR
december 2018
sagittarius
by Jill Dahne, America’s Most Amazing Psychic
Nov 21-Dec 22
Turn your thoughts to increasing your income, a matter which continues to be aided by Venus in the money-making zone of your chart. Control impulsiveness and impatience. Little mistakes will be made if you try to do everything in a rush. You will enjoy the companionship of people you know well. There is more than one way to accomplish your goals.
As I Predicted: • Don’t buy into bitcoins - it will be a fad and continue to plunge. • Marijuana Cannabis & Hemp will take over the stock market. Monthly Predictions: • I am predicting President Trump not getting impeached as well as I see him going second term Remember this is a prediction only. • New cure for kidney transplants so people won’t have to wait years to get one. • The movie & music industry will be taking over Florida -- you will see less in California. A lot of celebrities will make it their first home instead of second. • Do not buy Dinars as they will not go anywhere -- you will lose your money if you do. • Now and next year is the time to buy real estate. B&B is going to take over in all states-then the market will rise.
Capricorn (Dec 23-Jan 20)
It’s time not to hesitate. Be ready to grasp a timely opportunity. In romance, give a little and you will receive a lot. Tell yourself you can and will be lucky this month. Don’t keep looking on the dark side. Instead of comparing yourself with others thinking they have all the luck, look for the silver lining in your life. Strive to keep your social life away from job-related activities.
Aquarius (Jan 21 -Feb 19)
Examine your past experiences this month to find the key to current success. When it comes to love, it might be fun to investigate new possibilities. Your mood is generous when with friends. People are drawn to you. You`ll experience nagging pain in your feet. It’s nothing serious, but a doctor’s visit is in the stars. Your lucky day is Friday. 76
Today’s Daring Woman
Pisces (Feb 20-Mar 20) Some sudden changes could knock your schedule for a loop. Avoid the temptation to take risks of any sort in the hope shortcuts will save you time. Otherwise, trust your instincts. You`re very level-headed this month - and romantic overtures will fall on deaf ears. Information over coffee leads to sudden cash.
Aries (Mar 21- Apr 20)
A creative project could hit a snag. You may have to work hard on the details in order to make your magic happen. Unusual people will seem to populate your world. Keep an open mind and suspend judgment for the time being. You will benefit from the gentle attention of a sibling, friend or a neighbor. Wear gray to bring wisdom.
Taurus (Apr 21-May 21)
Don’t be so modest about your achievements. Humility is important, but you have earned recognition. Overindulgence can be your downfall this month. You can control your moods with your diet. Comments that were taken with good humor may suddenly provoke wounded reactions. You may find it difficult to pay attention to the routine matters that are right in front of you.
Gemini (May 22-June 21)
You may feel out of step with the people in your immediate environment now. Relationships can be intense this month especially if you attempt to impose your own will. This is not a time to force issues. You will want a break from the predictability of your usual romantic routine. You are in the mood to experiment and learn something new.
Cancer (June 22-July 22)
Your relationships are especially affectionate and friendly at this time. This is a great month to organize parties and other pleasurable activities. You are very clear and perceptive. Ideas flow and you express thoughts well. People of the opposite sex will be falling all over themselves to get close to you. It will be tough, but resist temptation.
Leo (July 23-Aug 21)
A burst of energy should be put to good use. Embark on a new project this month. You may feel that you don’t have enough money, but this limitation will help you in ways you can`t yet predict. This month represents an opportune time to make nice with anyone you’ve wronged. Admit it, you’re not perfect. Children bring surprising harmony - and hold the key to lost love.
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Virgo (Aug 22-Sep 23)
You feel restricted by your responsibilities and impatient to achieve your larger goals. Your energy level is very high now and you work very enthusiastically. You also are able to manage and motivate others very effectively. Physical thrills and excitement have a strong appeal for you now and you want to do something new and out of the ordinary. But don’t take risks at card games or casinos!
Libra (Sep 24-Oct 23)
A competitive sport would be a good outlet for you right now. Acting on your spontaneous impulses and following through on some of your unusual desires will yield surprises, mostly positive. Offbeat ideas excite you and you will seek people who can offer you a different way of looking at things. Your ego is very strong this month. Use it to rake in the cash!
Scorpio (Oct 24-Nov 22)
A talk with a loved one should help clear up a misunderstanding that has made you miserable. You will be surprised at how your luck changes once the air has been cleared. Stand up for what you know is fair and just. Don’t bemoan a missed opportunity. It is sure to come around again. You have a keen sense of when a decision is good or bad and whether or not a person can be trusted.
Cheers to a new year and another chance for us to get it right.
- Oprah Winfrey #IMADARINGWOMAN 78
Today’s Daring Woman
Questions on your health? Don’t know which financial move to make? Wondering when your soul mate will come along?
AskJill
TM
New questions answered every Tuesday! daringwomaninc.com/askjill Today’s Daring Woman
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