Today’s
DARING WOMAN January 2019
Are You a Pretender?
New Year Same Goals
Take a Stand to Be a Voice of Daring Change! Today’s Daring Woman
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Today’s Daring Woman
OCTOBER 4-5, 2019 IN ATLANTA, GEORGIA
DA RI N G WOMANINC. COM
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In this Issue... Cover Stories
Women’s Issues
11 | Rise Up Warrior 20 | New Year, Same Goals 42 | I am a Badass Woman
44 | Who Speaks for the Children? 48 | I Sleep on the Mattress I Was Raped On
Life & Love
36 | 10 Titles to Pick Up
Empowered Reading
14 | To the Speical Needs Parent Who Thinks They Are Not Enough Daring Woman Podcast 17 | My Dear Child 39 | Homeless, Pregnant, and Unstoppable 18 | The Power of Pleasure Practice 39 | How You Do Anything is How You Do Everything
Health & Wellness
27 | Are You a Pretender? 29 | Take a Stand to Be a Voice of Daring Change 33 | From Resentment to Empowerment
Horoscopes 50 | Horoscopes
Catch us on Instagram @ ImADaringWoman
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TRACEY OSBORNE Editor-in-Chief
Board of Advisors PAMELA ROGAN GERI WESTPHAL DR. SAMANTHA MADHOSINGH
Team Assistant Editor MARK OSBORNE Design Director HEATHER TERWILLIGER Graphic Designer SUSANN TRAXEL-ROBINSON Social Media Manager JESSICA WESTPHAL Web Designer CHRISTIANE JECHOUX Executive Assistant CHARLOTTE BELLIS Special Thanks to Warren Wong for the Cover Photo!
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Letter from the Editor year, and the year before that. And the year before that. Why haven’t you achieved those goals yet? What’s holding you back? The number 1 reason most people don’t achieve their goals…is fear. Sure, the experts will probably tell you it’s because you aren’t making SMART goals, or whatever acronym they want to use this year. But deep down, the actual truth is it’s fear that stops us. Fear of failure. Fear of success. Fear of the unknown. Fear of change.
I am finding it hard to accept that the New Year is upon us. Time is fleeting. We spend so much of it holding onto the past and wishing for the future, we ignore the present. With a New Year always comes new resolutions…promises to change. I learned as a child from watching Mary Poppins, that promises are empty. “Pie crust promises” is what she calls them. Easily made, easily broken. What promises have you made to yourself coming into 2019? Is this the year you’re finally going to quit smoking? Lose weight? Become successful? My social media feed is filled with quotes and memes touting that, “2019 is your/my year” or “2018 kicked my ass so that means 2019 I’ll reap the rewards.” Yet the goals and resolutions people are making are the same tired ones they made last
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Fear is real. I don’t care what acronym you want to use for it, such as, “False Expectations Appearing Real.” Fear is real and it’s debilitating. My daughter has emetophobia. It’s the fear of vomiting. Sounds kind of silly, but it’s real to her. And if she even for one second thinks she’s going to vomit, she starts having a panic attack. She misses school. She misses spending time with friends. She’s missing her childhood because of this fear. Fear keeps you stuck where you are. What happens if you lose the weight? Will you be the same person inside? Will you become a snob? Will you have to deal with catcalls and wolf whistles? What if you become successful? What kind of person would having money turn you into? Would you have to deal with family and friends always wanting to borrow money? Fear can be comforting. It’s like an old friend popping in to say hello. You’re used to it stepping in and telling you not to take a risk. Don’t make the change. Let’s just stay right where we are. Fear has its place, and is good to serve as a caution, but should never be in
control of operations.
Some Positivity from our Facebook Group
While we’re playing the “What If” game, here are some what ifs for you…
Daring Woman Join Us!
What if you never live your life to its fullest? What if you never take the chance on someone or something and are always left wondering? What if you stay on your current path of unhealthiness and get sicker, more debilitated, or even die early? We can what if all day long, but the fact of the matter is, time is fleeting. Right now, this moment…that’s all you have. The future is unwritten. The past is over. Stop letting fear control your world. Acknowledge it. Thank it. Love it. But don’t let it take over. Live. If you don’t like the person you are or are becoming, change it. If you don’t want to let people borrow money from you when you become successful, practice the word, NO. But LIVE. Life is an adventure my friend…and your adventure begins right now.
Tracey
Editor-in-Chief @traceycosborne
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Contributors Erika Williams
Erika Williams is a current Bible school student at Ozark Bible Institute located in Neosho, Missouri. She began writing her story down after her husband of just over 11 months passed away in the summer of 2018. She is 21 years old and has shown Gods light in the darkest of times. She dreams of writing her own book someday soon and to be an encourager to women of this generation. She wants to encourage them to have faith and to rise up from whatever situation they are in because God doesn’t want to leave them there. He’s called each of us to more.
Ellen Stumbo
Ellen Stumbo is the founder of Disability Matters, an organization with the mission to encourage every church to embrace disability. She is a writer and national speaker. She also works for The Mighty as the Parenting Editor. Ellen often speaks and writes on issues related to church, disability and raising children with disabilities. She writes the disability column for Group’s Children’s Ministry magazine. She has contributed to a few book anthologies, the SpiritLed Women’s Bible and writes for several online publications.
Cameo Haag
Cameo is a mother of 3, a wife of 1 and a lover of all things in life. She enjoys the good and the bad, the right and the wrong, the dark and the light, the love and the hate. She is a licensed massage therapist and have been since 1996. She is certified in the emotion code, an energy healing process , where we tap into old energies that may be blocking us from experiencing pleasure. She is a writer who blogs all about the power of releasing the heavy sexual energy and misbeliefs about sex so we can expand our yummy sexual creative energy and experience more peace, passion, purpose & pleasure in our life.
Wani Iris Manly
Wani Iris Manly is an international speaker, abundance and mindset coach, attorney, as well as the bestselling author of Get Out of Survival Mode and Live The Life You Really Want. She is the creator of the reputable 40 Days Abundance Mindset Course, the 40 Days Abundance Accelerator Course, and the Clear Your Money Karma Ecourse, all of which are known for getting her clients actual results in the areas of money, mindset, and abundance.
Julee Hunt
Julee Hunt is a Worthiness Warrior who inspires audiences to transform hopelessness, exhaustion, and depression into purpose, playfulness, and meaning. She has a vision to create a world where worthiness is the way for everyone. After a job loss and lifepausing illness, she devoted herself to reclaiming her worthiness becoming the leader of her life. She has appeared on the Oprah Show, the Hay House “A Trainer’s Guide to Infinite Possibilities Certification Course,” Infinite Possibilities conferences, and on multiple podcasts. Julee authored the #1 Best Selling book “You Are WORTHY! Even When You Believe Otherwise: A Guide for the Overwhelmed Perfectionist.
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Kathleen Gage
Kathleen Gage is known as the “no-nonsense, common sense” business strategist, speaker, author, content marketer, and owner of Power Up for Profits. Kathleen works within the pet industry as a business strategist to associations and keynote speakers. Her interest and passion for the Plant-Based and vegan lifestyle makes her a perfect fit for conferences and associations committed to lifelong health as well as compassion to animals and the environment. Kathleen’s clients come from a variety of industries and have one thing in common; the belief that their products and services can have a positive impact on those they work with. They also have a special place in their hearts for the well-being of animals (and caring for the environment. In addition, her clients believe they are driven by a higher purpose in all they do. Working with Kathleen helps them remember this often-forgotten truth.
Isabel Hundt
Isabel Hundt is a successful Inspirational Speaker, Founder of the #ISeeUMovement, Sociologist, certified Transformation Coach working with Highly Sensitive Visionaries and World Changers aka Empath-Warriors™, Emotions Clearing Practitioner, published Author of The Power of Faith-Driven Success and Amazon Bestselling Co-Author. Her expertise revolves around navigating your emotional world, the power of intuition and the importance of trust and perseverance in today’s society. Isabel has been featured on close to 100 TV shows, well-known radio and podcasts shows.
Chong Kim
Chong Kim is a renown world speaker and activist. She has appeared on notable Talk and Media shows like: BBC, HuffpostLive, CNN, CNBC, Montel and much more. Chong is also a writer and a Film/TV Producer. Her film, ‘Eden’ was released in 2012 starring Beau Bridges (The Baker Boys & Battlestar Galactica) and Jamie Chung (Hangover 2 & The Gifted). Chong Kim also published her memoir, Broken Silence, is also available via Amazon through Kindle and paperback, Barnes and Noble via Nook. Currently, Ms. Kim is in works to launch a scripted TV series about Human Trafficking called, ‘Every40Seconds’ which is about a female survivor of Human Trafficking who works alongside the FBI to teach them how to think like a trafficker in order to rescue the victims in time. While Ms. Kim continues to educate the public about the harms of exploitation and child trafficking,
Ora North
Ora North is a writer, healer, shadow worker, and author of the upcoming book I Don’t Want to Be an Empath Anymore. She is a sexual assault survivor and highly sensitive person who helps women reclaim their personal power and magic. She lives in St Paul, MN.
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love
LIFE &
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Rise Up Warrior by Erika Williams
The Beginning I’ll Never Forget
I wish I could tell you that I am writing this to give you a “feel good” and uplifting word. However, that is not the case. I am here to be completely transparent about my story and what I am walking through on a daily basis, in hopes that it gives other young widows like myself, a fierce determination to keep going. My Zac and I met on July, 6th 2015. I remember every detail of that day because I truly experienced a genuine and pure love spark in that moment. He knew how to make me laugh, even from day one. I don’t think there was one silent moment on that sixhour drive back home from a church camp in Neosho, Missouri. Soon after we met, we went on a mission trip to Zambia, Africa, both for the first time. Our love was evident
and unstoppable at that point. It was hard to believe that right before my eyes, our beautiful love story was perfectly falling into place. I knew in my heart it was truly a gift from the Lord. I fell in love with the children, the atmosphere, the presence of the Lord, the culture, and God gave both of us such a burden from being in that place. Essentially, our story began with a deep passion and hunger to do something for Him. I began to truly understand the concept I had learned about my whole life in church, that when we make Him the number one priority in our lives, He places things and people in our life, that we didn’t even know we needed. We serve a great and wonderful God, even when He places things that we were not expecting, we can trust that everything… yes everything is placed there for a reason.
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July 21st, 2018
The complete tragic turn of my life - the day I thought my life was completely over.
[LIFE & LOVE]
I can remember every single detail of that day, it is forever burned into my mind. It was a Saturday, I woke up like every other Saturday and got ready for work. I worked at the Justin Discount Boot store in our small hometown, Justin. Zac helped me get the job by connecting with a family friend. He always had connections with people. he loved everybody. He didn’t have to go into work that day and I remember leaning over the bed and telling him goodbye on that fateful morning. The day went on and I hadn’t heard from him up until my lunch break at one o’clock. My car wouldn’t start for me to get home on my lunch break, so he gladly picked me up for lunch, without hesitation. Side note: he had never picked me up for lunch before and I think God divinely organized that so that I would get to see him one last time that day. On the drive home, we were talking about a man in our church’s funeral, Bro Bob Byrom, which was my sister-in-law’s grandpa. It was going to be that day at two o’clock and I was upset because I couldn’t get off to go to the funeral. Zac, of course, wanted to go because he always was helping and super involved in our church. He would sing on the platform, he taught a Sunday school class, he helped out with the youth group faithfully every Friday night and coordinated fun outings with them as well. I remember him telling me that he wasn’t
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feeling good and so I told him, “Babe, why don’t you just stay home?” He insisted on going because he wanted to help sing in the service and to be there as a support for his family. We held hands all the way home and enjoyed the drive together. As we pulled into our country, gravel driveway, we passed our brother in law, Trevor, and I said: “Why don’t you just ride with Trevor, he’s already on his way into town, I’m sure he would wait for you to change for the funeral?” His response, “Nah, it’s okay, I’ll just take the motorcycle.” Little did I know, what was going to take place. I’d go back to that moment in a heartbeat and insist on finding another way into town, to beg him more emphatically to stay home, to pick up my phone and call Trevor to wait on Zac, to get my car running so that way he could take it. Something... anything. We passed Trevor and waved at him as he drove by. I can still see it and replay it over. It is almost as if I can go back and watch Zac’s life disappear as the car pulled away and the opportunity to stop it slipped right out of my hands. Zac ran inside our home to get clothes, his backpack, and his helmet for the ride. He jumped back into the car and took me down to his parents’ house so I could have lunch with them. I got out of the car and gave him a hug as he put his earbuds in, along with his helmet, I attempted to kiss him with his helmet in the way, our lips barely touched, but we kinda
smiled and laughed about it. He started up his bike and got on it. I remember him turning around, before he pulled away, smiling and waving at me, I waved back and then I remember being frozen as I watched him pull away on that gravel road. I had no idea that that was the last time I would see his smile, hug his neck, kiss his lips, hear his laugh, watch him ride his bike...anything. But then again, how could I have known? In less than two hours, he would be in heaven. A lady pulled out in front of him, just a few miles from our home and his motorcycle crashed into the side of her SUV. My life, as I knew it, halted when my sweet mother-inlaw came to pick me up at work right after it happened. I found out later that she did this instead of calling me as I probably would have panicked. I knew from the look on her face that something was terribly wrong. Our lives were never going to be the same. The next few days and months are a blur. Decisions, unimaginable shock and horror, pain, anger, the emotions were almost too much to bear. Simply breathing seemed to take so much effort. How? Why? What now? The questions were endless. I had a decision to make. I was either going to stay in the miserable place of painful grief or I was going to RISE UP! It was not easy, by any means but I knew it was what Zac would want. After the funeral and as the months began to pass, I made the decision to go back and finish my Ministerial degree at the same college campus where we fell in love. It took courage, bravery and a fierce determination to show the enemy that I would not go down without a fight! Today, I am halfway through my last semester and I’m proud of what I’ve accomplished. God has done amazing and beautiful things in my life and He alone has taught me that no matter what life hand you, always choose to RISE UP! TD W
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[LIFE & LOVE]
To the Special Needs Parent Who Thinks They are Not Enough by Ellen Stumbo
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Sometimes you feel as if you are not enough. But you don’t need more motivation, inspiration, or research. You don’t need more one-on-one time with your child. You don’t need more medical knowledge. You don’t need to know about all the new ground-breaking therapies or interventions for your child. You don’t need to compare your kid with other kids who have the same diagnosis yet seem to be doing better. You don’t need any of that because even if you doubt it, you are enough!
medical history better than any doctor ever will.
All the knowledge in the world will not change who your child is, or who you are as a parent, or how beautiful you fit together. The fact is, your child is who he is, and you are who you are, and you were chosen to parent your child. You. Out of all the humans walking on this earth, you were the one entrusted with each one of your kids.
You are the one who knows what your child needs even with a lack of speech.
Yet, perhaps all of us parenting kids with disabilities need permission once in a while to know that it is okay if we do not have it all together. Because there are hard days. But even in the midst of the hard days, right now, in this moment, exactly the way you are: you are enough! You don’t run on batteries. You cannot gather more energy out of thin air when you are simply exhausted. And life happens. Life impacted with disability happens. And sometimes you don’t get enough sleep. And sometimes there are medical emergencies and you end up in the hospital with your child. And sometimes IEP meetings don’t go so well. And sometimes a family member says something hurtful about your parenting. And sometimes friends don’t get it. And still: you are enough! You are human, you have weaknesses, you get tired, you question if you are enough. But don’t forget: You are the one who knows your child’s
You are the one who knows the best way to help your child calm down when they are having a meltdown. You are the one calling insurance companies to make sure services are covered for your kid. You are the one who recognizes the smallest of milestones and celebrates them fully.
You are the one who stands up for your child even if you once used to be quiet or shy. You are the one who carries your child where there is no accessibility because you do not want them to miss out. You are the one who prays for them each day and night and everything in between. You are the one who loves so fiercely. You are the one who will sacrifice anything for your child. You are the one who fights for your child. You are the one who sees your child better than anyone else can. You are the one. You are enough! All the lessons you have learned along the way, all the strength you’ve gathered, all the ways in which you now better understand unconditional love, and kindness, and the value of life – all of that is what makes you the wonderful parent that your child needs. And you are enough! TD W
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INTERNATIONAL BEST SELLING AUTHOR JULEE HUNT WANTS YOU TO KNOW...
[LIFE & LOVE]
LIFE IS MESSY! YOU'RE STILL WORTHY Reclaim your life Take the Worthiness Warrior quiz on www.juleehunt.com today!
The Daring Woman P O D C A S T Showcasing incredible women who have heartwarming stories to tell of their journey to becoming an empowered woman.
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Letter From A Mother To Her Daughter
My dear child, please understand what I’m going through My dear girl, the day you see I’m getting old, I ask you to please be patient, but most of all, try to understand what I’m going through. If when we talk, I repeat the same thing a thousand times, don’t interrupt to say: “You said the same thing a minute ago”… Just listen, please. Try to remember the times when you were little and I would read the same story night after night until you would fall asleep. When I don’t want to take a bath, don’t be mad and don’t embarrass me. Remember when I had to run after you making excuses and trying to get you to take a shower when you were just a girl? When you see how ignorant I am when it comes to new technology, give me the time to learn and don’t look at me that way… remember, honey, I patiently taught you how to do many things like eating appropriately, getting dressed, combing your hair and dealing with life’s issues every day. The day you see I’m getting old, I ask you to please be patient, but most of all, try to understand what I’m going through. If I occasionally lose track of what we’re talking about, give me the time to remember, and if I can’t, don’t be nervous, impatient or arrogant. Just know in your heart that the most important thing for me is to be with you. And when my old, tired legs don’t let me move as quickly as before, give me your hand the same way that I offered mine to you when you first walked. When those days come, don’t feel sad… just be with me, and understand me while I get to the end of my life with love. I’ll cherish and thank you for the gift of time and joy we shared. With a big smile and the huge love I’ve always had for you, I just want to say, I love you… my darling daughter. — Unknown wonderful mother TD W
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[LIFE & LOVE]
The Power of
Pleasure Practice
by Cameo Haag
Hello, you beautiful goddess. Today is the beginning of something magical. Today is the beginning of something new. Today is the beginning of something full of joy and happiness. Today is the day your life gets to change. Today is the day that we begin our own personal pleasure practice. We all practice so many things. We practice how to cook. We practice our arts and crafts. We practice how to drive or be good at sports. We put a lot of time and energy into practicing all different things in our lives but today we get to choose to practice pleasure. Take a moment and feel into the word pleasure. What does pleasure feel like to you? Does pleasure feel like a luxurious walk? Does pleasure feel like a relaxing bubble bath? Does pleasure feel like giggling with your girlfriends? Does pleasure
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feel like receiving a pedicure? Does pleasure feel like a magical massage? Does pleasure feel like orgasms and rainbows? What does pleasure feel like to you? We must commit to our own pleasure practice. We get to decide today that our pleasure is important. The more pleasure we experience the more we feel into our whole body. The divine feminine is meant to be the receiver of pleasure. We are a gift to the world and the more we allow ourselves to connect to the power of play and pleasure the more we can change our whole environment. Pleasure is a learned behavior. Pleasure is something that is a response to focused joy. How can we have more joy and more pleasure in our day to day lives? Here are 5 tips that can turn your day into a powerful, pleasurable, joyful day.
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Take time to notice how truly magical your feminine body is. Look at her in the mirror and notice how soft your skin is. Notice how beautiful your breasts are. Allow yourself to see how powerful your legs are and how bountiful your booty is. Bask in the amazingness of the pleasure your body brings you. Choose the clothes that make you come alive. Take time in your closet and ask your body, “What would you like to wear today? What color is going to create pleasure and joy for you today? Where body, are you wanting to feel more magical and alive today? What clothes are speaking to the essence of who you are?” When you feel the divine pull, pick that outfit and allow yourself to feel powerful pleasure inside of your own skin and your beautiful clothing. Pick foods that you truly enjoy eating. What brings a smile to your face when you think about devouring this yummy food? Eat that. Pick things that make your senses come alive. Do you enjoy strawberries with a hint of whip cream? Chocolate with a splash of white wine? A burger and fries that makes your mouth water? A banana split? A big bowl of yummy pasta? What do you enjoy eating? Allow yourself more time for pleasurable foods and feel your body come alive. Make sure you eat these foods slowly, really allowing your whole body to be part of the experience of joyful eating. Express your sensual and sexual desires. Do you remember people asking you what you wanted for Christmas? If you told them what you wanted, you usually received the exact thing you asked for. This is the same thing when it comes to our own sensual and sexual pleasure. What would you like when it comes to receiving more pleasure in this yummy department? Would you like to wear something more sensual under your clothing? Would you like to spend 15 minutes caressing your own body and feeling your own divine touch? Would you like your lover to spend more time wining and dining you and then slowly enjoying your magical body taking at least 30 minutes before getting right to the point? You must remember that asking is the most powerful tool we have when it comes to receiving more and more pleasure. Allow yourself time to do the things you enjoy. Do you love painting? If so give yourself at least an hour a week specifically for the joy of painting. Do you love writing? Do you love dancing? Do you love reading? Do you love camping? Do you love hiking? Whatever it is that you love doing set aside at least one hour a week so you can take part in something that personally brings you joy and pleasure.
Pleasure is our birthright. We have so much power to receive pleasure. All we have to do is choose it. Own it. Love it. Cherish it and know that we absolutely deserve to feel joyful, magical, powerful, pleasure in our day to day lives. Commit to your happiness. Commit to your joy. Commit to your pleasure. TD W
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[LIFE & LOVE] 20
New Year Same Goals by Wani Iris Manly
Today’s Daring Woman
We’re in the “New Year, New Me” season, and I’d be remiss if I didn’t wish you a Happy New Year! So Happy New Year, my dear reader. New Year is the most auspicious time of the year and it’s quite so beautiful. It’s a time where you’re so happy to wipe the old slate clean, and get a brand new fresh start. For many, 2018 was an unforeseen growth year that most could not be happier to bid farewell and peace out to it. Because 2018 was the year of the anticipated unexpected, the optimism for 2019 is at an all-time epic high. The expectations are even higher and this is how we’re rolling into 2019 to set our goals for this New Year. Interestingly, it may be a new year but are you setting the exact same goals for 2019 that you set for 2018? Are these also the same goals lingering from 2017, 2016, and maybe even 2015? In other words, you’re probably in the same place as you were last year, or perhaps even worse off having made no significant progress, and dare I say, stuck? Well, if any of this resonates with you, know that you’re not alone. But in the interest of breaking this repeated pattern, the way you do goal setting has got to change. It isn’t serving you and until you do a complete goal setting makeover, your declaration “2019 IS My Year” will remain just that---- a pretty declaration you make on social media, gaining a bunch of likes and me too(s), which ultimately means nothing. So in an effort to have 2019 truly be “your,” and you’re not only crushing your goals but living your best life beyond your wildest dreams, ridiculously happy on Facebook and in real life, here’s what you need to do to make 2019 live up to its December 31st champagne toast.
Have a Come to Jesus Meeting with Yourself.
Listen, more than ever before, it’s time to get
real and super honest with yourself about your life and what is going on. Honesty is the first chapter in the book of wisdom and it all starts here. Look at everything you’re doing and not doing, your habits and attitudes, your environment, and the people you surround yourself with. Examine everything that has gotten you where you are, not getting you what you want and you’re setting the same goals repeatedly. While you’re in this meeting, you must take 1000% full responsibility for your life and that you’re creating everything in it. You must let go of the blame game and admit the absolute truth to yourself that you alone are responsible for all of your creations. Until you to take radical self-responsibility for all of your creations, nothing is going to change this year.
Get Super Clear About Your Desires and Determine, Which Desires You Are Actually Committed To.
This is a biggie and that so many people ignore. You must be clear about what it is you want and set goals that are truly yours. Many of the desires and goals you have aren’t yours to be begin with. They’re other people’s goals that you have taken on as your own. Because you aren’t really committed to them since they aren’t yours, you aren’t achieving them and won’t. Even if the goals truly are yours, you still have to deeply ask yourself, if you’re truly committed to achieving it. Or, is it something that would be nice for you to have? For example, over the last twenty something years, I’ve been saying that I want to open a champagne bar. I’ve been saying this for the longest yet; I’ve never lifted one finger to do any research to see what this endeavor would entail. At best, it’s been a “that would be nice if it happened” goal in my head, and isn’t something that I’m truly committed to making it happen.
You Must Look at Your Daily Habits. Are your daily habits seriously reflective of
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[LIFE & LOVE] your goals and desires? For example, everyone wants to make a truckload of money and I’m certain this includes you too. But on a daily basis, are you spending time working on your money mindset, becoming more money conscious, and taking primarily money-making actions in your business? Or, are you “come mierda” on social media or wasting time on a whole lot of busy work that isn’t putting any money in your pocket? Your daily habits say a lot about how committed you are to truly realizing your goals or, if they’re mere wishful thinking.
You Must Be Stripper-Pole NonNegotiable About Your Goals.
You must become stripper-pole, nonnegotiable, in relentless pursuit about your goals this year. Otherwise, you won’t achieve them. What do I mean by “stripper-pole nonnegotiable”? Several years ago, I was in the story of clients not paying my invoices for legal work I had rendered. One night I went to dinner with a friend at SoHo House and I was telling my friend of this dilemma. My friend looked at me square in the eyes and said, “Wani, I’ve known you for several years and this has been a repeated story of yours. Drop it. What I want you to do right now is imagine you had a child to feed. You and I both know that if you had a kid and needed money
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to feed your child, you’d do anything to feed that child including getting on a stripper pole, which is beneath all of your moral compass.” This was the last time my friend and I had this conversation and I was done with that story. This is what it means to become stripper-pole non-negotiable about your goals.
Let the “D” word be your Word of the Year.
What’s the D word? The D word stands for different. In order for 2019 to be your year and for you to achieve even an ounce of your goals, you must do things differently. What’s more, stop doing things that aren’t working. You see, the classic reason of why you’re not making any progress is because you keep practicing and perfecting Einstein’s definition of insanity. Doing the same things over and over that isn’t working, and expecting different results. You can’t continue to do the same things over and over again and expect a different result, and in order for you to do things differently, you must think differently.
New Thoughts Must to Come In.
The reason you’re getting what you’re getting is because of your thinking. In order for you to do things differently, you must first think differently. Your thoughts dictate your actions
The reason you’re getting what you’re getting is because of your thinking. In order for you to do things differently, you must first think differently.
and for anything new to come in, you must change your thinking. Understand that you’re living in a perceptual reality. Your perception is based on your thoughts and unless you change your thoughts, your perceptions will stay in tact and you will keep taking the same actions that have resulted in you not consistently meeting your goals and keeping you in your current reality.
Be Strategic, Purposeful and Directional.
If you’re serious about reaching your goals this year, then you have to be strategic, purposeful, and directional. This means you have to cut out any wishy-washiness and release the hope and pray method that so many adhere to. Hoping and praying is not a viable strategy. In 2018, we saw the rise of the feminine and to a large extent; we also saw a pouncing of the masculine. Listen, in order to achieve anything, you need a balance of both of these energies, which both call for you to be strategic, purposeful and directional. The wishy-washiness, I’m waiting for a sign, or I’m just being open and going with the flow has to stop. You must be super specific about what you want and strategic about what you’re doing each day to manifest hose goals. When you’re wishy-washy with your desires, then the Universe will be wishy-washy in the
delivery of your desires. Instead, you must be masterful. You must have fixity of purpose, understanding that success doesn’t happen by accident and, it doesn’t fall in your lap either. You must get after your goals and this requires strategy.
Bring In the Energetics.
If you want to truly achieve your goals, you need to bring in the Energetics through connecting with your true self-daily and become congruent with the laws of the Universe. Understand that we live in a vibrational Universe. As Nikola Tesla said, “If you want to understand the laws of the Universe, you must think in terms of vibration and frequency.” In other words, energy. Whatever you’re wanting, you much first match the frequency of that thing in order for you to have it. For example, if you want to manifest wealth and abundance, you can’t be vibrating at the frequency of broke, poor, and survival mode. How you connect with the frequency of your desires is by daily taking time out to quiet your mind and connect with your true self.
Create a Daily Mindset Practice That Set You Up for Success.
The mindset piece is everything, yet so many people overlook this. Understand that what
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[LIFE & LOVE]
you’re getting in life is an out-picturing of your mind. Your mind is the most powerful creative instrument. Therefore, you must constantly be looking at your beliefs, your stories, and what is blocking you as well as visualizing your goals. You must also get in the feeling state of your desires before you have as well as maintain a positive attitude of expectancy. However, keeping a high vibe is not enough. A great part of your ego personality is committed to keeping you right where you are, and you must get to the bottom of that. One last thing about mindset. Everyone to some degree is playing the victim and this is the source of why you’re stuck. Therefore, letting go your victim story is paramount. Start there.
Start to See Yourself and Your Lack of Discipline as the Problem.
Let’s be real and super honest again. If year after year, you’re consistently setting the same goals again and again because you’re not achieving your goals, then you have to start to see yourself as the problem. No one wants to admit this, but you’re the only one that is holding yourself back. But in the truth serum words of Gloria Steinem, “The truth will set you free but first, it will piss you off.” It has always been you that have been holding yourself back and, most likely your lack of discipline. Understand that whatever you’re trying to achieve this year, you’re going to have to become a more disciplined person. You become a more disciplined person by using the word, “no” more often. You don’t have to be in the “YOLO” vibe all the time as a way to justify or deal you’re your FOMO. Start saying no to activities that are a derailment from your goals and desires, and you know what those are.
Adopt the Be, Do, Have Method to Goal Achievement. When it comes to goal setting, throw out everything you’ve ever been taught, which isn’t working in the first place. The way most of us do goal setting is to write out our goals, then some number of action steps it would take to achieve those goals. Within 30 days maximum,
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we’ve fallen off by the wayside and our goals remain something just written on paper that we never look back on. When you adopt the Be, Do Have, method to goal achievement, your chances of increasing your goals are significant. In this equation, the “HAVE” represent the actual thing itself you want. The goal, or the prize. But, in order for you to have it, you must first “BE” something (become someone else) and then “DO”, or take action. Most people try to just do, with the same mindset and same bad habits that created the issues in your life and that is sabotaging you. In order for you to achieve something that you’ve never done before, you must become someone that you’ve never been before. Period. End of story.
Hire or Mentor or Coach.
Invest in yourself by hiring a coach. This is a no-brainer but this seems to be the most difficult for people to do. If you’re consistently not meeting your goals for the New Year, then you need to get a coach. Don’t you think if you could’ve done it on your own, then you would have done it by now? Stop fooling yourself. Olympic athletes and super successful people have multiple coaches to get them to where they are, but for some reason, the average person thinks they can do it alone. You can’t because no one does it alone. The one and only Oprah Winfrey has not one, not two or even three coaches, but four. Ask yourself this. If Oprah Winfrey with that level of mega success utilizes the help of four coaches, what makes you think you don’t one? Let that sink in. In conclusion, as much 2018 may have kicked your booty to hell and back, it was not just for the sake of kicking you where it hurts the most. It served a much greater purpose. It was to set you up so well that this year can finally be the year that you become the greatest version of yourself and finally start living the life you desire, the life you deserve, and the life you were meant to live. Happy New Year and may 2019 truly be your year. TD W
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wellness HEALTH &
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Are You A Pretender? Time to Lose the Mask & Get Real! by Julee Hunt Do you wake each morning and carefully don a mask or two to head out into the world? I used to put on three masks before I left for work – a “happy” mask, a “perfect” mask and a “livin’ the dream” mask. None of them could have been further from my reality. Deep down inside I felt imperfect, unhappy, and filled with turmoil and chaos. I felt I was failing as a wife and mom and my health was deteriorating. I pretended to the world that I had a grand and wonderful life, but kept my dirty little secret (me) to myself. I was a pretender in hopes that others would accept me, love me, and see my worth, yet fearing they’d shun me if they saw the real me. The kicker here was — and this is hard to admit — I
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didn’t like me, unless I was trying to be the woman “livin’ the dream”. I was even pretending to myself. At the end of the day I could not wait to get home, close the door and let go of the façade. It was exhausting trying to be someone I was not. Being a pretender is no way to live. Not only is it destructive to your health, it also ages you more quickly. You give up the lightness of believing in yourself to carry a heavy backpack filled with shame and guilt. Fearing being shunned by others, you actually begin to shun them for not accepting you. While it can feel like the world encourages you to be someone you’re not, such pretending is a breeding ground for feeling unworthy of ever having or being what you want. When I got laid off from my corporate job, I suddenly couldn’t pretend anymore. It was time for a reality check. Why did I think I was “not enough”? Why did I look at other people and want to be them? Why did I think everyone else had a no-warts perfect life? Instead of comparing, I decided to contemplate.
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Here is what I learned: • While my entire childhood (and most of our childhoods) was a constant reminder that I wasn’t perfect, I was born in perfection. That box has already been checked. I don’t have to keep checking it! • Everyone has warts and takes detours on their life journey that are less than desirable. And that is the beauty of life. • Trying to fit into someone else’s mold is an uncomfortable and inauthentic way to live. • Everyone else is taken so I might as well be myself. Some people will like me and some won’t. It is best to hang with the ones who already like me, rather than try to convince others that they should. • Being a pretender and wearing the masks keeps you stuck in the unworthiness cycle. The cycle of repeated failures. In my book, You Are Worthy Even When You Believe Otherwise – A Guide for the Overwhelmed Perfectionist, I share strategies for living in the worthiness cycle, so you no longer need to put on masks each morning and be a pretender. Being YOU is the most beautiful way to live. You are worthy of living authentically! TD W
Take A Stand to Be a Voice of Daring Change by Kathleen Gage We’ve all heard, “When you know your WHY the ‘how’ takes care of itself.” Even deeper than the ‘how’ taking care of itself, when you know your why, your days are filled with purposeful activities. As a woman approaching my official Medicare birthday in a few months, yes, my 65th, I was convinced I had my why all figured out. As far as I was concerned, it was to live as fully and vibrantly as possible in order to show
other women what is possible both personally and professionally. Yet, I was to discover, my why goes much deeper than this.
Your Why Will Likely Morph
Having owned my consulting and speaking business for nearly 25 years, my why when I started has morphed over time. Initially, it was to build a successful business, make a difference for my clients, do the best job I could and be in alignment with those things I believed to be true.
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[HEALTH & WELLNESS]
The question we need to ask is “What am I being called to do?” For years, money and recognition were huge drivers for me. You see, in my twenties, due to a series of poor choices, I ended up unemployable and on the streets. I had no voice, nor did I have many objectives other than to find a place to sleep and get something in my belly by day’s end. I was unhealthy, had very little direction, and goals were not existent. To go from that to a highly successful entrepreneur, receiving massive recognition and multiple business awards, my why was defined by outward evidence. I had arrived… or so I thought. Truth be told, there was something missing. Yet, who was I to question my success? I’ve seen this happen to other women as well. Although their stories have different details, the essence is the same. Coming from a place of feeling disempowered, they work hard, sacrifice much, achieve financial success and believe they have figured out their purpose until one day, they wake up and ask, “Is this all there is?”
Ask a Better Question to Get a Better Answer
With a huge focus on success and personal power, we are likely to derive merely a surface level of what this means. To get to the core of what our purpose is, we need to go deeper, much deeper. We need to ask a better question each and every day. With all that is going on in the world today, many of us know we have a deeper purpose than what we are focusing on. Yet, because of the magnitude of problems in the world, it can often seem as if there is nothing we can personally do. After all, there are so many
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causes we can focus on. Which do we choose? Rather than, “How do I fix all these problems?” we can ask, “Where can I personally put my attention and resources?” Therein lies the answer to what our why and our purpose is. And best part of all, our businesses can be the vehicle that allows us to do our life’s work. Sometimes directly by our businesses being set up to be a solution to the challenges we see such. Other times, by our businesses providing the financial means to get involved and make monetary contributions to a cause. Such is the case with what I am experiencing as I move into the 25th year of being in business.
My Why Reveals Itself Due to Inflammation
A few months ago, I was experiencing increasingly painful inflammation in my right hand as well as other joints. As a writer, it was impacting my ability to type for more than a few minutes at a time. After researching natural remedies, I decided test out a 100% plant-based eating protocol for seven days. Within two days, the inflammation all but disappeared. Not 100% convinced the inflammation might not return, I gave it another seven days. Then another. That was three months ago. Since the day the inflammation disappeared, it has not returned. As if that weren’t enough, in the time I’ve been eating plant based, the results have been nothing short of amazing. Not only have I dropped an unwanted weight
without dieting (23 pounds so far), my energy and concentration have improved substantially. As a hobbyist runner, I’ve even noticed my endurance increasing over time, my joints not aching after a run and recovery is fabulous. I’ve also noticed my stress is almost nonexistent as well as my creativity and intuition improving. Yet, the most surprising aspect of going plant based is what it has done to my psyche. You see, I’ve been an advocate for animal causes for years. I’ve worked within the pet industry as a speaker and consultant. I’ve had many clients who run pet-centric businesses working with them on their messaging, events, and books. Until I went 100% plant based, I had no idea how misaligned I was with my compassion to animals and my choice to consume animal and dairy products.
I Feel Very Aligned
Since committing to a plant-based lifestyle, I feel much more aligned with my claim to care about animal welfare. Truth be told, I have to wonder how I could have consumed animal products for most of my life while claiming to care about the welfare of animals. The more research I do on what it takes to get meat on a consumer’s plate, the more committed I am to never eat any type of meat or dairy product.
change, safety in our schools, protect children and the elderly, immigration, health and nutrition, or giving a voice to the animals, there is a lot that can, and is being done. More every day, companies are shifting their focus from simply making profits to integrating causes into their business model. Granted, there are plenty of companies that are merely in business for the profits, but as small, independent business owners, or staff members of companies with a cause, we can make a difference if we have the courage to speak out for what we believe in. Will it always be easy? No, it won’t. But the question we need to ask is, “What am I being called to do?”
What is your true purpose?
As you think about your life, your values, your claims of what is important, what are you willing to do to align with this? What can you do each day to make a difference? Is it to set your business up as a direct influence on the change? Is it to use your business revenues to contribute financially? Is it to be a voice within a company you work for to advocate change that is long overdue? Whatever it is, know that you can make a W difference if you are willing to take a stand. TD
The most surprising outcome to all of this is the clarity I’ve gained on living a fully aligned life to my love of animals, my business, my resources and my voice. I am currently in the process of setting my business up to integrate all of this in my messaging, my service offerings, my speaking and writing.
Business and Professional Trends
More and more businesses are aligning their service and product offerings with a cause. Whether it be to save the environment, climate
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the sobriety collective
@wearesober @wearesober @sobrietycollective
where creatives recover together
www.thesobrietycollective.com
q SHOW SOME
LOVE Take a selfie with your magazine and share it on social media #daringwoman @IMADARINGWOMAN
From RESENTMENT
to EMPOWERMENT by Isabel Hundt
My husband and I got married in 2010. We knew we always wanted to have children but we wanted to wait at least 2 years. I had just moved from Germany to the US and when we decided to get married we only knew each other for about a year. In fall of 2012, we decided that we wanted to try getting pregnant without worrying too much when it will happen. After two heart-wrenching miscarriages, we found ourselves pregnant with a healthy baby boy. The pregnancy was heavenly from the beginning to the end. I had never any morning sickness, he slept whenever I did. He was awake whenever I was. I felt so connected to him that we had our own conversation about expectations and life. My very personal gift is not only being highly sensitive toward the energy of others but also seeing colors around everything but especially people which always has a specific meaning. Sometimes the color is connected to the struggles someone is going through and what they may want to consider moving forward and other times it is rather prophetic. For my little boy, I always saw the color gold. The color of triumph, success, prosperity and especially wisdom. He sure is an old soul. I enjoyed the experience of feeling so close to him, to have visions about his life but more importantly, he let me work on my business. I had enough energy throughout this
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[HEALTH & WELLNESS]
whole pregnancy to move to new levels of success. Jonah was born December 20th, 2013. We couldn’t wait to take him home. I was certain that I could continue with everything I was up to businesswise as before. I hadn’t even considered anything else. Well, as you may know, having a newborn is a whole different world. I was so sleep deprived at times that I couldn’t think straight. The first month went ok. It is easy to drop work over the holidays. But I knew I had to get back into it starting January. My business didn’t run on its own nor did I make any money just dreaming about the success as an entrepreneur. With each day I became more irritated, frustrated, overwhelmed and angry. I started to have one mastitis after another. For those who have gone through it know that it feels worse than having the flu….or at least about the same. Jonah started to be colicy and I just wanted to hand him over to someone else. Don’t get me wrong, I wanted him, I loved him but I started to feel resentment toward him. I wasn’t able to combine the dreams I consistently had about my work and mission with being a mom. My heart was burning for more. There was no room anymore for the work my Soul yearned for so badly. I also didn’t have any family or friends close by to help me out. So, whenever
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he did sleep I worked no matter how tired I was. I could feel my temper creeping up slowly over time. I wanted to scream. While I went through the struggle of identity crisis his colic became worse. In my desperation, I called my own coach and cried and put it all on the table. That is when everything changed, my aha-moment which created a profound shift within myself, my business and my life in general. Finally, one day my coach called me out on my stories and beliefs. Together we worked through all the dirty stuff that brought up even more emotional baggage from years ago, including the miscarriages. I had to realize that my emotional state impacts my son’s emotional and physical well-being. Once I was able to let go of the resentment and anger I felt, within 24 hours he was colic-free. I started to see the science behind what emotions are, the impact they have on myself and those around me. I saw that if I am emotionally not prepared and emotionally not ready to receive the dreams and the goals that I had set out for myself, I will never get there physically either. I will continue to sabotage my own success and my calling through ridiculous head talk and beliefs and stay emotionally imprisoned. Emotions bring color to our lives. As briefly mentioned, I personally have the gift of vision and to see colors around people, therefore
to me, emotions are a beautiful and stunning dance of colors of different vibrations. Our experiences in life are unique. We create our own reality by the way we choose to see and acknowledge whatever is going on inside of us. Emotions really are powerful and instead of running the rat race, we can create an empowering symphony of colors of different vibrations. If we are honest, most of the time we have no idea what is really going on inside of us. We feel, and we feel a lot. We are being told how we should or shouldn’t feel. Media is trying to tell us which emotional state is best for us to be successful in life. Everything just becomes this huge ball of knotted yarn of emotions we can’t seem to untangle.
Can you imagine what would be possible if we can really use our emotions as a guide instead of seeing them as a hindrance no matter what we experience? How much more confident would we feel? How much more driven, ambitious and empowered? It doesn’t mean that we won’t have any negative feelings anymore or won’t feel down at times or wish our children would just magically disappear, but we will be much quicker in creating awareness and are able to stop the spiral down before it manifests into something we’d regret. Your emotions are something to listen to. Everything has its purpose. And the closer we listen, letting go of trapped emotions, the more guided we will feel, and the more understanding we will have of our journey in life. TD W
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reading
EMPOWERED
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f
10 Titles To Pick Up
You Can’t Touch My Hair
And Other Things I Still Have to Explain by Phoebe Robinson
Diapers, Date Nights and Deadlines
A French Working Mom’s Guide to Success and Survival by Julie-Anne Lutfi
NOW!
This is Just My Face
Love, Loss, and What We Ate
The Rising
A Memoir
In the Rising We Find Peace
by Gabourey Sidibe
by Padma Lakshmi
by Ashley Barnes
by Ashton Saldana
Autism and Your Teen
Sometimes...We All Gotta Deal With Our Own Shit!
Woman Up!
Love Your Lady Landscape
Try Not to Stare
Tips and Strategies for the Journey to Adulthood by Blythe Grossberg
My Journey Back to Vulnerability after Military Sexual Trauma - PTSD by Alexandrial Russel
Overcome the 7 Deadly Sins that Sabotage Your Success by Aimee Cohen
Words from the Soul Soulace Seeker
Trust Your Gut, Care for ‘Down There’ and Reclaim Your Fierce and Feminine SHE Power by Lisa Lister
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podcast
DARING WOMAN
We all have a story within us. Some stories are full of love and laughter. Others are full of fear, trauma and obsession. And yet others are a combination of the two. Stories of overcoming the challenges life has thrown our way, and how we walked through hell and came out on top. On the Daring Woman Podcast, I have the privilege to talk with these incredible women who have walked through nightmares, and used those experiences to rise, shine and become powerful, inspiring and amazing women. I am honored to be able to share their stories with you. You can listen to each episode at
b
http://daringwomaninc.com/stories
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Homeless, Pregnant, & Unstoppable At a young age, SheNesia Ewing found herself pregnant. The father wanted nothing to do with her or the baby. Struggling to make it through college, she ended up homeless. Sleeping in her car in a bad part of town, she persevered. She landed in an abusive relationship, and walked across the stage to get her degree with her head held high, her baby boy cheering her on, and sporting a black eye. She persevered. SheNesia started a business and failed, repeatedly. She persevered. Deployed, serving our country in Iraq, this amazing, unstopped woman tells us her story of struggle, defeat, and perseverance. I was so inspired, she rendered me speechless. Tune in to hear her incredible tale.
How You Do Anything is How You Do Everything When people think about you or your company, how do they feel? What emotions does it evoke? Branding is so much more than just a pretty website and a catchy logo. It’s about emotion. I always say that how you do anything is how you do everything and your brand conveys that to your customers. In this lively episode, I get down and dirty with branding strategist, Briana Ross. If you’re an entrepreneur or thinking about becoming one, you need to know branding. Be sure to tune in.
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Breast Cancer is #unacceptable Breast cancer kills more than 41,000 people each year in the U.S. That’s unacceptable. Join us in reducing breast cancer deaths by half by 2026. JOIN OUR FIGHT. SAVE LIVES. Komen.org/unacceptable 40
Today’s Daring Woman
issues
WOMEN’S
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[WOMEN’S ISSUES]
I Am A Badass Woman by Julee Hunt I am a badass Woman Wild and Free Strong and courageous I see miracles in adversity I breathe in the joy of life I live in the moment I am a badass Woman Fierce and Tenacious Loving and Lovable I see magnificence in you I soak up happy moments I live with no regrets I am a badass woman Capable and Smart Fearless and Soft I see open doors everywhere and the choices they offer I take in the beauty that surrounds me I live in possibility I am a badass Woman Happy and Sad Raw and Emotional I see and take roads less travelled I do things people say are impossible I live with an open heart If you see my badassery You too, are a badass Woman Do not apologize for it! Do not hide behind it! Do not dim it to make others feel comfortable! Shine your ‘badass Woman’ Light! Own it! Honor it! Live it! You are a badass Woman!
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In crisis?
HELLO
Free, 24/7 support for people in crisis. Today’s Daring Woman
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Who Speaks for the
[WOMEN’S ISSUES ]
Children?
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by Chong Kim
Today’s Daring Woman
Children and teens suffer the most consequences when it comes to the debate on legalizing prostitution, but safeguards for their safety are not offered in this debate. In a disgusting legal battle, the child may have a guardian ad litem but even with this, the child is made to choose between parents who share the guilt in not protecting the safety of the child. In some states, a child must be at least 12 years of age to have the responsibility of choosing which parent they would like to live with, but for a child, that young to have to choose is hardly the answer. Parents are guilty of using their children as bait and as possessions. They exploit the child to fit their best interest. When a child is forced to reside with an abusive parent and they resort to running away, they are automatically stigmatized as defiant, juvenile and an outcast.
word “prostitution” given to a child? They can’t defend themselves, should we shame them further because they couldn’t reside in an abusive home? Children, above all, shouldn’t have to hurt, but they do. I’m going to share a series of details of my personal reasons why no state or country should legalize prostitution. I hope as you read this, you will change your mind. I am an American Survivor of Human Trafficking. I was trafficked within the United States borders from Texas to Nevada. It has been over 10 years since my escape and I’ve dedicated my life and my passion to fight to take back the life that was robbed from me. I was held at gunpoint and forced to witness children and young women tortured and brutally beaten in front of me if they didn’t comply. When I tried to escape numerous times, the pimps & traffickers no longer threatened me with my life; they held me and another child in the same room. I was held down in restraints to witness the young child being sodomized and raped by multiple perpetrators. If that wasn’t enough, I was tortured in a closed room, where they restrained me in the bathtub and buried my naked body with ice to prevent evidence of violence.
When a child is not pictured on a billboard, nor covered on the news and they are someone else’s child, they become nonexistent. They are cast out in the streets where they become vulnerable to the world of gangs, prostitution, trafficking and even death. Is it any wonder why the market for children has grown? Why do we even have the When a young girl was found pregnant by her buyers, they didn’t abort the baby; they held the young girl in a private room for 10 months, giving her medical care so that she could deliver a healthy baby for the next auction. These babies were used in false internet adoption sites. They hired illegal immigrant females to care for the child so when they took photos and uploaded them online; the visitors were unaware of the black-market schemes of this illegal adoption. Most
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of these babies would never be captured in the arms of desperate parents that spend over 1.5 million to 5 million just to complete a family.
[WOMEN’S ISSUES ]
These infants would be recycled into the world of technology in what I call the Human Trade. If my testimony, which I have just shared to you, does not convince you that legalizing prostitution, pornography or the sex-trade is not the answer, then maybe you should read on. When we look at the whole scope of “prostitution” some of us may have different opinions as far as how to distinguish which victims entered for survival and which ones were coerced. There’s a large lack of manpower to figure out the frustration to distinguish and categorize the typology of victims. Along with the recanting of victim’s plea, how would we truly know when the majority of the victims have fallen into the “Stockholm Syndrome” after so many days and weeks under the command of your pimps and traffickers. Victims become submissive and even co-dependent of their slave masters because they believe this is the only life they will have. Also, what about child prostitution? I haven’t seen a huge decrease in child abductions that correlates to child pornography, trafficking or even illegal organ transplant. Would the solicitation of child prostitution end? What about forced trafficked victims, how would we tell them apart if the industry becomes “legalized?” This is not the time to argue about gender inequality, but human inequality. So, the quick solution would be to “legalize” the situation. If that were to happen, what would it solve? Sex workers and pimps lobby that the solution is to reduce the harm of prostitution or to reduce the tract of HIV/STD’s is to legalize the sex industry, but if you look at Amsterdam in Europe and Las Vegas, NV in the United States, has HIV/STD’s decreased? Yet there is still a lack of research to be done. The majority being done within the United States. To traffickers and pimps, whether it is a woman or man involved in pornography, prostitution or sex-trafficking, it boils down to this: We have opened a large Human Market base, to solicit and distribute lives back and forth from one individual or group to another; not just for sexual exploitation, but many unimaginable things. We’ve created barriers to prevent the adequate rescue of these victims and most of them who’ve successfully escaped are traumatized by their own demise that their souls have become completely numb. Human Trafficking is a marketing
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tool for illicit traders to make a profit off human beings, organs, black market adoption and their ability to expand illegal operations, globally. Sex-workers and pimps will argue about the women’s liberation right to look at prostitution as an equal opportunity and the ability for the IRS to reap benefits from the sex industry. About two years ago, I went to Brussels, Belgium to debate on why I disagreed with legalizing prostitution and one of the arguments was to create an exit plan for women if legalization did occur in Europe. Why would anyone need to create an exit plan for legitimate and risk-free employment? When we involve ourselves in careers like engineering, education, medicine, and business, do we have to create an exit plan if we feel threatened? Will legalizing prostitution eliminate pedophiles, rapist, serial killers, domestic violence, and commercial sex-exploitation on children? What about identity theft, the documented numbers that are given to any registered person in each country and after their death, their identity is being used to hold illegal transactions through private human markets all over the world. Does humanity no longer exist? What about a certain level of morality? Why have we become such a money-hungry generation that we forget that life exists? It is poverty that decides whether a child gets to live or die and when we contribute to any sort of illicit trade, especially among human beings, we’ve also contributed to a child’s death. Even during the Atlantic slave trade, having slavery was legal, but that didn’t eliminate the amount of abuse and harm the slaves or their children had to endure. Human Trafficking is very complex and maybe the most frustrating situation any legislatures, philanthropist and community members ever had to deal with, so what do we do? We just throw in the towel and say, “Let’s legalize prostitution and everything will be better?”
organs are marked for illegal human market, by desperate victims waiting for an organ transplant that otherwise were not eligible? What about the hopeful youth dreaming of a life on the big screens just to escape an abusive home and to find themselves locked up in some abandoned warehouse for profit to the hungry predators that could care less that they are still a child? If we legalize prostitution, does that mean children and teens will be legally sold for profit as well? When we look at adult men and women involved in the sexexploitation, whether through prostitution or coercion, we forget that those women and men were once children that had dreams as well. The human market is expanding by the hour, when the circumstances become too complicated and we decide to “legalize” prostitution, I guarantee you the exploitation and market of human beings, narcotics, and other illegal goods will increase within days or weeks, and the world of human trade will become far more difficult to tackle with than it is today. We’re already struggling to decrease the problem in Europe, where prostitution and exploitation becomes a welcoming hub for any hungry predators. Maybe for the rich and the corrupted the revenues for the human market may rise, but the lifespan of a person, caught in the human market, is becoming very dim. Maybe in time, we will be extinct because when we become desperate to maintain the high revenues from the human market, we won’t care just how much of the supplies (human, organs, etc.) we are using up. I am asking you, as a survivor of Human Trafficking, to rethink the ultimate questions before you make your decision. Is legalizing prostitution just a “safer” solution for the lawmakers, or for the children who are at risk every minute of every day? TD W
What about the children in poverty whose only existence becomes profitable when their
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[WOMEN’S ISSUES ]
I Sleep on the Mattress I Was Raped On by Ora North It wasn’t until I saw the naked mattress on the hardwood floor in my new bedroom that I realized. After the buildup of triggers. The hearings. The jokes from stupid people. The headlines. The conversations. I still sleep on the mattress I was raped on. Because I’d forgotten in my attempts to move on with my life. Because it had followed me from place to place, bedroom to bedroom, like a ghost that lives quietly just beneath my skin, and I was used to being haunted. Because why should I have to get rid of MY bed because of HIM? Because I’m scrappy. A survivor with
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stubbornness in her belly. Because if I had to blow up my life and get new things every time it happened... At 17. Then 18. Then 19. Then 20, 21, 22. Well that would be a world of things. And it’s not that I don’t want to burn it sometimes. Burn it all and feel the warmth from the fire. Put his name in the flames and watch it rise into the sky for everyone to see. So everyone would know what he had done. But we’ve seen what happens haven’t we? The president calls you a liar. The entire world asks you why you didn’t report. I didn’t report because I loved him. Because he was a schizophrenic using drugs and he
Trauma becomes a creature that you’re forced to live with, one that you’ve unwittingly adopted, and now you have to car for it.
didn’t always realize his violence. Because he was physically abused as a child and I worried more about his trauma than mine. Because he held a knife to my throat and threatened to kill me if I ever left or slept with another man. Because I didn’t realize reporting was an option. Because no one had ever advocated for my safety or truth. Because I was ashamed that I wanted the cliche “first time” with rose petals and candles and Coldplay playing in the background, and what I got was markedly...not...that. Because I legitimately thought that the only way out was to kill myself. And that was just that man, but there were others, too. And the world wants the stories of sexual violence to be simple. Clear cut. Black and white. Something happens, you report it right away, a witness saw, and then you distance yourself from it as a show of empowerment. Otherwise, it probably didn’t happen. Especially if you were raped by a white man with a “future”. But trauma doesn’t work that way. You can’t cut it off, destroy it, distance yourself from it,
without losing the beauty and innocence that was taken from you. Trauma becomes a creature that you’re forced to live with, one that you’ve unwittingly adopted, and now you have to care for it. And the strange thing is, there’s a comfort in having this creature around. After all, this creature is the only thing that truly understands what you’ve been through and what you’ve seen. It knows you’re not lying, it doesn’t question you. It witnessed what happened. It becomes a constant and moody companion. Sometimes, it’s a roaring destructive lioness on the hunt, using its teeth to cut into you as you try to run away. And sometimes, it’s a soft little kitten quietly curled up next to you on a sofa cushion. And I don’t know how to end this story because I don’t know how it ends. I don’t know how to change how people see sexual violence and trauma. I don’t know how to find the strength to speak when the people who need to hear it put their hands over my mouth. When there’s such little payoff to lay my pain bare. And so this ends, without a clear conclusion. And how unsatisfying it is. TD W
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YOUR STARS FOR
january 2019
capricorn
by Jill Dahne, America’s Most Amazing Psychic
Dec 23-Jan 20
This month you have all heads turning toward you because you look more confident and beautiful than ever. If you had a dream of losing your teeth this week, do not worry. It’s only a dream. Your finances are getting better, so book a dream trip and enjoy yourself with your partner. Remember you have such class. This is the time to flaunting it! A vitamin a day will keep the doctor away. As I Predicted: • Congress passed the Farm bill. Make sure, as I have been predicting, to invest in Hemp stock. Monthly Predictions: • I still see human beings in the next 12 years leaving the United States to live on Mars
Aquarius (Jan 21-Feb 19)
This month, stop worrying. The job that you applied for will be yours with a better salary. The fun is over. It’s time go get serious again. You will be opening up a bottle of champagne with friends to celebrate this great occasion. Wear that new black suit and look smart. Your first day should run smoothly. I see someone attractive in the office. Just remember, do not mix business with pleasure.
Pisces (Feb 20-Mar 20)
Get out of that depression you are in. Nobody is worth crying yourself to sleep over. It’s time to go out and meet new people instead of going to work and going home. Buy yourself a pair of running shoes. That will be good therapy. I see a wonderful person asking you out. Your mind will clear, especially since that raise is on its way to help pay off those items you bought during the breakup. doctor’s visit is in the stars. Your lucky day is Friday.
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Aries (Mar 21- Apr 20) On the 18th of this month, don’t concentrate on bidding on the fire sales. You will get that property you wanted. You dreamed of that house for years and finally, it has come! The person you loved so much who is watching over you has been sending messages from love, so do not doubt yourself at all. Think positively. All the worries are going to your stomach. Let it go. You will come out shining strong.
Taurus (Apr 21-May 21)
It’s time to slow down a little bit. You have been running yourself tired with all the speaking engagements and people you have been dealing with daily. Nobody can run on empty. I see a weekend vacation on the horizon where there are lots of beaches and nice music. What a nice way to relax and spend time with your family. When you get back, you will feel like a brand new person.
Gemini (May 22-June 21)
This is the time to treat yourself to a class on healing within, meaning releasing all the issues from the past. You are a beautiful soul. I see a person with a good heart and an emotional connection coming in. Trust. Let it happen. There are lots of new ventures on the horizon that will benefit you financially On the 13th of this month go for it. You will not be disappointed.
Cancer (June 22-July 22)
This is the month to pamper yourself. You have been there for everyone but you. It’s time to take care of your life and say no to others, which is hard for you to do. You cannot always be the therapist for everyone’s situations. Get your nails done, do a new style for your hair and have a romantic dinner with your loved one. I see a bouquet arriving for your kindness.
Leo (July 23-Aug 21)
The 17th of this month will start a brighter day. When it rains, it pours. Everything comes in threes: the property will sell, the check will arrive and the results of the test you took look good. What a positive outlook for all good beginnings! For your back, take an Epsom salt bath and add a bit of baking soda. Calm those aches and pains, and call it a day. No more worries for this month.
Virgo (Aug 22-Sep 23)
On the 14th of this month, hold back a little bit and save some money you earned from a past investment. Prada,Gucci and Chanel can wait for another day. Have your gums checked and your teeth cleaned. No one has that bright smile like yours! Take your partner dancing and keep cell phones at home. Work can wait. Nothing is more important than having alone time with the one you love.
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Libra (Sep 24-Oct 23)
On the 15th of this month, you will be experiencing lots of changes, usually for the better. Accept that offer that will be coming in. It’s a great deal financially. Don’t lose sleep over an argument you had in the past few days. Break the ice by laughing about it. Laughter is great medicine. When it comes to being in love, no more playing games with one another. You will kiss and make up.
Scorpio (Oct 24-Nov 22)
The artist in you can paint such a beautiful picture of life. Start working on yourself. The gardens that have been coming to your mind are a meaning of peace. Your life is getting back on track, meaning finances, love and health, three major medicines you need for life. This month, call up your friend with whom you had a spat and open a new door. Friends will always stay beside you.
Sagittarius (Nov 23-Dec 22)
On the 12th of this month, you will be going to the doctor for a checkup. You thought everything was going to be bad news. Surprise..you are fine! This month is the month to put your great ideas on paper. They are worth millions if you only knew it! Stop procrastinating when it comes to you. An old relationship will be reappearing back into your life. Say yes. It will feel like wedding bells with soon be ringing.
Let our New Year’s resolution be this: we will be there for one another as fellow members of humanity, in the finest sense of the word.
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Questions on your health? Don’t know which financial move to make? Wondering when your soul mate will come along?
AskJill
TM
New questions answered every Tuesday! daringwomaninc.com/askjill Today’s Daring Woman
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From tanks and tees to posters and mugs, surround yourself with positivity to stay motivated day in and day out.
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Today’s Daring Woman