divos titanium

Divos Titanium is a pumpkin spice enthusiast who happens to have a joy for all things home & garden, photography and video. A long-time resident of Second Life, Divos has been a blogger for the Boystown Closet since 2010 and serves as Blogger Manager for two of SL’s finest home & garden stores: Apple Fall and Dust Bunny.

I always knew I was different. I think being gay you always do. I can remember being really little and knowing I was not exactly the same. As I grew into a young man I was able to pinpoint I was attracted to men and others were not. I recall asking myself why and wishing there was a button to push to make me “normal.” I recoiled and hid myself and my identity for years.

Growing up in a very conservative south made being gay something you did not brandish or even talk about. Looking back it was such a hard time, even though I had a great childhood. Another issue that many don’t know about me is that I also have a brother who is gay. Both of us are my mom’s only children, and I can remember her telling me of her dreams of having a big family and being close to my future wife. It was agony to know not only was I different, but also my being different would destroy her life dreams: the dreams of someone who is amazing to me and my biggest fan.

When I was in college, my identity became something that was really hard to suppress. I met a guy and we started dating, and while I think my friends knew what was going on, I still hid who I was. I remember finally being ready to tell my friends, and I was terrified thinking “what if they do not like me anymore?”. I started with my roommate one night while we were out drinking. We were sitting in the back of a Ford Explorer with the hatch lifted up, and he smiled and gave me the biggest hug. He told me that he knew and we would always be friends. We still are to this day. It gave me the courage to tell my best friend, and she followed suit in almost the same way, telling me should would always love me. I shared with many people, with all of them being so supportive. Sure, there were some who were not the same and I could tell took issue. But not the ones that really mattered. It felt like such a weight was off my shoulders. I could finally say the guy on TV was cute too!

However, the one person I held back on telling was my mom. It was heart-wrenching to think I would disappoint her, especially after my brave brother told her that he was gay. She took it so well from him, but it was still a struggle. I waited years and years and years because I did not want to disappoint the one person that I loved the most. One day we were eating ice cream out by the lake just my mom and me, and she told me that I could always be myself around her, and she knew what weight I was carrying. I never said a word, but I remember crying harder that day hugging her than I ever had before. Since that time, she has never said anything more about a wife or girlfriend, and now mentions cute guys to me. Loving her is such an honor because she has been such an inspiration and caring person. And coming out to be my authentic self has become less about others and more about me. I like who I am. I want people to know me - all sides and interests. I’m gay. And now, if there was a button to push to be “normal”, I’m finally at a place in my life where I would never want to push it.