dresden couerblanc

Dresden Couerblanc is a long-time resident of Second Life. Working as a Technology Sales Leader in RL, he enjoys SL as a way to tap into his creative side through modeling, use his first-life skills in sales and marketing, and to connect with people from all over the globe, across all walks of life.

I didn’t come out of the closet. Instead, I was dragged out by my mother!

It was the spring after I turned 18. My mother and I had spent the day shopping. This was something that we enjoyed doing. In fact, this was an activity that we did quite often growing up. I know what you’re thinking, and yes, I agree (insert chuckle here). After a long day of hitting the sales at our local mall, we drove home. Mom usually parked in our driveway, but this time, she stopped in front of the house and turned off the engine. She turned to me and asked the question that struck fear into my heart. She asked, ”Are you gay?” I didn’t answer right away. I was completely blind-sided and felt that moment to be quite surreal. After a few heart-pounding minutes, I quietly uttered, ”Yes.” There a lot of words and a lot of years that came after that moment. That night and for a long while afterwards, I experienced a whirlwind of feelings - pain, self-doubt, isolation, betrayal, and confusion. My mother and I were very close growing up, but she didn’t take my admission well at all. She yelled, said cruel things, followed by weeks of distancing herself from me. Thankfully, my step-father was there which helped to create some semblance of connection to our little family. I had planned on telling by father in my own way, but I didn’t get that chance. My mother told him the news. I called him after I learned of this and he, too, cried. But, it was different. Surprisingly different. The man who was emotionally absent from my life was now emotionally present. I don’t remember exactly all that he said, but I do remember that he told me it didn’t really matter to him because I was still his son.

After all that had transpired at home, I couldn’t live another day in that house. Looking back, it was an incredibly difficult time. I was forced out of the closet while having to contend with finding my place in the world, with being on my own. So, I moved out of town for 3 months. Towards the end of that time, my mother asked me to move back home. It was a blessing as we got everything out on the table. She had bad experiences with a gay male co-worker previously and those memories had weighed on her mind. She also couldn’t stand the thought of anyone looking down on me for being gay. Thankfully, my grandmother helped her to see beyond all of that. She explained that I was still ”the same good kid” that I had always been. This was just something else they knew about me.

12 years later, I entered into my second long-term relationship. My ex-partner was loved by all of my family and yes, that included my mother. My parents visited us regularly and we visited them. She loved him as if he were her own child. Well, just about anyway. While my relationship ended acrimoniously after 11 years together, I still look back fondly on it. I remember the nights when we enjoyed home-cooked meals together and the banter that came with them. I reminisce about the fishing trips, family events, and precious moments we all shared. Despite the immense suffering that ensured, I am somehow thankful that my mother asked me that life-altering questions so many years ago. If she had not done so, who knows what my life would be like? Who knows who I would have become?

Love wasn’t the only thing I gained from having come out. I also found my true self and a deep well of confidence. I no longer doubted whether or not this was who I was meant to be. I no longer wondered if I was still a good person or otherwise. On the other side of my pain was an incredible sense of enlightenment. While I wouldn’t want to repeat how my coming out happened, I don’t look back on it with a negative lens. Learning about who I really am in mind, body, and soul has been a fantastically precious gift for which I will always be grateful and never take for granted.