INTERMARRIAGE IS IT ACCORDING TO THE WORD OF GOD ? ( Biblical Topic )
Fr. Xavier Khan Vattayil
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INTERMARRIAGE IS IT ACCORDING TO THE WORD OF GOD ? (English) Author
:
Fr. Xavier Khan Vattayil
Copyright
:
Reserved
Co-ordinator
:
Sabu Kasarcode
Translation
:
S. Jose Kodankandath- Mumbai
Corroboration
:
Dilon
Lay out
:
Sebastian K.T.
Published by
:
Maranatha Media Centre
Printed at
:
Magicteck,Pkd. Mob. 9846568540
1st Impression
:
2013 July
Copies
:
10,000
Price
:
` 8.00
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INTERMARRIAGE IS IT ACCORDING TO THE WORD OF GOD ?
Deut 5:32,33
“You must therefore be careful
to do as the Lord your God has commanded you: you shall not turn to the right or to the left. You must follow exactly the path that the Lord your God has commanded you, so that you may live, and that it may go well with you, and that you may live long in the land that you are to possess.” Is intermarriage permissible for a child of God? What does the Holy Bible say in this regard? Tobit 4:12-13 “Beware my son, of every kind of fornication. First of all, marry a woman from among the descendants of your ancestors; do not marry a foreign woman, who is not your father’s 3
tribe; for we are the descendants of the prophets. Remember, my son, that Noah, Abraham, Isaac and Jacob, our ancestors of old, all took wives from among their kindred. They were blessed in their children and their posterity will inherit the land. So now, my son, love your kindred, and in your heart do not disdain your kindred, the sons and daughters of your people by refusing to take a wife for yourself from among them. For in pride there is ruin and great confusion. And in idleness there is loss and dire poverty, because idleness is the mother of famine.� The Holy Bible does not approve intermarriage. You therefore, do not get deceived by entering into intermarriage. Do not chop away the traditions of the family of our forefathers. Do not ignore the paths of sanctified life revealed and constituted by the Holy Spirit through our ancestors. Influenced by the haughtiness and thoughtlessness of your youth age, do not jump into conclusions. Wisdom 3:11 “For those who despise wisdom and instruction are miserable. Their hope is vain, their labours are unprofitable, and their works are useless.� The arrogance inside your mind turns out to be the reason for your ruin, chaos and anarchism. Just examine the life of Solomon. God liked him very much. 4
More than what he had asked, God gave and kept on blessing him. 2 Chronicles 1:12 “Wisdom and knowledge are granted to you. I will also give you riches, possessions and honour, such as none of the kings had who were before you, and none after you shall have the like.” God abundantly blessed and loved Solomon. But, we see the downfall of Solomon from Verse, 1 Kings 11:1 onwards. As God appeared to Solomon the third time, He declared that the kingdom will be torn away from him. 1 Kings 11: 11-12
“Since this has been your
mind and you have not kept my covenant and my statutes that I have commanded you, I will surely tear the kingdom from you and give it to your servant. Yet for the sake of your father David I will not do it in your lifetime; I will tear it out of the hand of your son.” God took away the pomp, splendor and prosperity from Solomon. What was the reason? It was because of intermarriage. 1 Kings 11:1-8
“King Solomon loved many
foreign women along with the daughter of Pharaoh: 5
Moabite, Ammonite, Edomite, Sidonian and Hittite women, from the nations concerning which the Lord had said to the Israelites, ‘you shall not enter into marriage with them, neither shall they with you; for they will surely incline your heart to follow their gods;’ Solomon clung to these in love. Among his wives were seven hundred princesses and three hundred concubines; and his wives turned away his heart. For when Solomon was old, his wives turned away his heart after other gods; and his heart was not true to the Lord his God, as was the heart of his father David. For Solomon followed Astarte the goddess of the Sidonians, and Milcom the abomination of the Ammonites. So Solomon did what was evil in the sight of the Lord, and did not completely follow the Lord, as his father David had done. Then Solomon built a high place for Chemosh the abomination of Moab, and for Molech the abomination of the Ammonites, on the mountain east of Jerusalem. He did the same for all his foreign wives, who offered incense and sacrificed to their gods.” Solomon had married and brought several princesses belonging to other casts and tribes from the kingdoms he had conquered in war. Exodus 34:15-16
“You shall not make a
covenant with the inhabitants of the land, for when they prostitute themselves to their gods and 6
sacrifice to their gods, someone among them will invite you, and you will eat of the sacrifice. And you will take wives from among their daughters for your sons, and their daughters who prostitute themselves to their gods will make your sons also prostitute themselves to their gods.” To Solomon it never felt that bad, his filthy deeds which were forbidden by the Lord, God. And what was the result? His tribe became weak… later ruined…. In ten years since the death of Solomon, his five successors were beheaded. The explanation of that terrible decline of his kingdom can be read in the Book of Sirach. Sirach 47:16-21 “Your fame reached to far-off islands, and you were loved for your peaceful reign. Your songs, proverbs, and parables and the answers you gave astounded the nations. In the name of the Lord God, who is called the God of Israel, you gathered gold like tin and amassed 7
silver like lead. But you brought in women to lie at your side, and through your body you were brought into subjection. You stained your honour and defiled your family line, so that you brought wrath upon your children, and they were grieved at your folly, because the sovereignty was divided and a rebel kingdom arose out of Ephraim". Solomon’s life experience in the Holy Bible…. ….for what has it been given to us ? 1 Cor 10:11 “These things happened to them to serve as an example, and they were written down to instruct us, on whom the ends of the ages have come.” Yes ! It is a lesson for us. Christians who are engaged in love-affair with others belonging to different casts and communities are living in sin. It is wrong. It is to be corrected. It has to be stopped ! Here are some statements which usually sprout from many: ‘Are not all the children of God?’ ‘ What if I marry anyone ?’ ‘ Is it not the match of mind, the most important matter ?’ ‘ I will marry whom I like. No one need advise me…! ’ 8
The Holy Bible preaches, thus: Isaiah 30:1 “Oh, rebellious children, says the Lord, who carry out a plan, but not mine; who make an alliance, but against my will, adding sin to sin.” Sirach 5:9
“Do not winnow in every wind, or
follow every path.” Sirach 6:2-4 “ Do not fall into the grip of passion, or you may be torn apart as by a bull. Your leaves will be devoured and your fruit destroyed, and you will be left like a withered tree. Evil passion destroys those who have it and makes them the laughing stock of their enemies.” The path which you think right may not be right. Your wisdom and logical reasoning may not show you the right way. Proverbs :16:25 “Sometimes there is a way that seems to be right, but in the end it is the way to death.” Intermarriage is not at all an arrangement of God. The Holy Bible does not support this. You do not get cheated. Do not ignore the preachings of the Holy Church. At the behest of a sudden impulse, do not dilute or discard the customs and life-styles that were followed by our ancestors. Hold on to our traditions. Help your children to grow up, rooted in the Word of God. 9
Supporting the intermarriage, some of those who used to proudly pretend to stick on to the progressive thoughts in matters relating to marriage, used to raise some questions.
If suppose we disagree and detach those who have prepared for intermarriage, and hold another marriage, if that relationship too ends up in failure ?
While thinking of this, there is a point that we have to understand. Marriage, life-partner, family‌. all these are as per God’s plan and design. If a marriage takes place as per the Will of God, and later it turns out to be in misery and hardship, that has to be shouldered on. 10
By that marriage what if our God is wishing for the sanctification of a soul ?
Marriage is an
arrangement of God, as well for the eternal salvation. 1 Peter 4:12 “Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal that is taking place among you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you.”
Some people ask doubts: After I gave promise to marry and then if I change my mind…. Won’t it be a cheating? Will not there be some curse?
No.
As the Sacraments like marriage and
priesthood are covenants that last till the moment of the person’s death, that person has the right to turn away from it till the moment just before accepting those Sacraments. Marriage must be with fee will. It should not be under any pressure or compulsion. 11
Withdrawal from an unwelcoming / inter-caste love-affair in response to anyone’s advice does not bring any curse at all.
Some others are stating: The person is of a good character. Won’t drink; no smoking habits; no cards-playing nature; is of a very virtuous behaviour… Highly educated; got a good job too. Only, the person is not from our caste. Can this relationship be led to marriage? What shall I do? While thinking of marriage, not only the job, character, health etc… are to be taken into consideration, but also you must think about your relation with Jesus Christ. You should not do anything that will fade this relationship. “Because, you are Israel.” You are the child of a Covenant. There should not be any action from your side that may break the Covenant with God. 2 Cor 6:14-15 “Do not be mismatched with unbelievers, for what partnership is there between righteousness and lawlessness? Or what fellowship is there between light and darkness? What agreement does Christ have with Beliar? Or what does a believer share with an unbeliever?” 12
2 Cor 6:17-18
“Therefore, come out from
them and be separate from them, says the Lord, and touch nothing unclean; then I will welcome you, and I will be your father, and you shall be my sons and daughters, says the Lord Almighty.” Often we come across some persons who used to say: ‘If this marriage is not taking place, I do not want a marriage at all !’ This is not a right thought. While our God is giving you an instruction, you should not behave obstinately. Sirach 3:26-27
“A stubborn mind will fare
badly at the end, and whoever loves danger will perish in it. A stubborn mind will be burdened by troubles, and the sinner adds sin to sins.” Deute. 29: 18-19 “It may be that there is among you a man or woman, or a family or tribe, whose heart is already turning away from the Lord our God to serve the gods of those nations. It may be that there is among you a root sprouting poisonous and bitter growth. All who hear the words of this oath and bless themselves, thinking in their hearts, ‘we are safe even though we go our own stubborn ways.” Sirach 5:2 “Do not follow your inclination and strength in pursuing the desires of your heart.” 13
You must be aware of what the Holy Church is highlighting about this subject in its teachings in CATECHISM OF THE CATHOLIC CHURCH. CCC 1601-
“The matrimonial covenant, by
which a man and a woman establish between themselves a partnership of the whole of life, is by its nature ordered toward the good of the spouses and the procreation and education of offspring; this covenant between baptized persons has been raised by Christ the Lord to the dignity of a sacrament.” This passage signifies that the foremost intention of marriage of man and woman belonging to the same Christian community / caste is so dignified by the Sacrament of Marriage, and recognized by the Holy Church. The purpose of this dignity is more understood when we think of the graceful blessing of our Lord for the procreation and education of children of the duly wedded couple in the Christian community. CCC 1633-
“In
many
countries
the
situation of a mixed marriage (marriage between a Catholic and a baptized non-Catholic) often arises. It requires particular attention on the part of couples and their pastors. A case of marriage with disparity of cult (between a Catholic and a nonbaptized
person)
circumspection.” 14
requires
even
greater
In this clause, a clear warning is highlighted about the need for careful thinking about intermarriage, before entering into it. The risks are so thick that there is not a single point of advantage to either of the persons who goes on so aggressively pondering on such an alliance. CCC 1634 - “Difference of confession between the spouses does not constitute an insurmountable obstacle for marriage, when they succeed in placing in common what they have received from their respective communities, and learn from each other the way in which each lives in fidelity to Christ. But the difficulties of mixed marriages must not be underestimated. They arise from the fact that the separation of Christians has not yet been overcome; the spouses risk experiencing the tragedy of Christian disunity even in the heart of their own home. Disparity of cult can further aggravate these difficulties. Differences about faith and the very notion of marriage, but also different religious mentalities, can become sources of tension in marriage, especially as regards the education of children the temptation to religious indifference can then arise.� A more transparent picture is depicted in this passage on the dilemma which the two persons in an intermarriage are about to face. Because of the difference in culture and belief, unprovoked causes 15
for unceasing tensions during the post-intermarriage period cannot be avoided. In any of their future planning, a core undeniable obstacle that may create more sleepless nights can be due to the extremes of customs and practices followed by the two different religious thinking. Therefore, as the follower of Jesus Christ, you are not supposed to knowingly enter into such accidents and spoil the aspirations of your parents, and later spoil your own future.
What should be the attitude of a child of God with regard to intermarriage? 1.
Love everyone from other communities as brothers and sisters. Do not select them as lifepartners.
2.
Do not fall in love or engage in sexual deeds with those from other communities. Always bear in mind that any type of love-affair / sexual deeds which are not accepted by the Holy Bible and Canon laws are sins against the statutes of our God.
3.
Do not encourage anyone for intermarriage. Persuade them from such affairs.
4.
Adopt only the healthy directions of the Church with regard to marriage. The Church is not advising intermarriage. Know the preachings of the Church with regard to intermarriage. 16
5.
Bring up children from childhood itself with the right awareness of these matters.
6.
During the preaching period, teach the children about these matters.
7.
If at any time such intermarriage is found to be inevitable, the marriage can be accorded only after the person from the other community accepts Christian faith and becomes a member of the Church. Also must think whether such an act could entail others to follow such a wrong course. Mathew 18:6
“If any of you put a stumbling
block before one of these little ones who believe me, it would be better for you if a great millstone were fastened around your neck and you were drowned in the depth of the sea.�
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Prayer to The Holy Spirit O Holy Spirit … Comfort of my soul, I do adore You. Enlighten me ! Wash me! Strengthen me! Control me! Console me! Tell me what all I should do. Command me. Let me obey. O Holy Spirit … be my King. I submit myself as your slave. O Holy Spirit … Come and fill me ! Halleluiea ….. (Praise for a while) (Repeat several times)
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Mystic Manna Series of history of Saints composed by Fr. Xavier Khan Vattayil, exclusively for Children.
01. 02. 03. 04. 05. 06. 07. 08. 09. 10. 11. 12. 13. 14. 15.
The Dove of Love The one who became Prayer, by praying The Martyr at the Confessional The Ark of the Covenant The Apostle of the eastern countries In search of knowledge; in search of nectar A sufferance journey The Spiritual Teacher Sowing virtue, reaping virtue Universal Apostle The Apostle of Charity The Apostle of Moloko The Man of Mercy The Guide of Penance The Saint of impossibles
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