Experiencing Recovery

I was born in 1939 to teenage parents and my grandparents raised me. My mother, who was sent away because she was pregnant, was more like a big sister. I was the first grandchild and was not deprived of love or belonging in any way. My grandparents truly doted on me. My extended family members lived in close proximity, and they, too, kept a watchful eye on me.

Although I never heard the words “I love you,” I was hugged and reassured throughout my young life. And they fed me—really fed me! My mother later married my stepfather and I would eat two suppers—one at my mother’s house and again at my grandmother’s. Looking back, I am certain that I was being groomed to become a food addict.

My grandparents were my biggest fans. I am the oldest of seven children and was eight years old when my first sibling, a brother, was born. As time went by, I became their second mother, as well as their dressmaker, hairdresser, and confidante. At a young age, I was supplying many of their physical, emotional, and spiritual needs. They looked up to me!

I later became a nurse and perfected the art of being caring and nurturing of others. I anticipated everyone’s needs but my own, aimed to please, and avoided conflict as much as possible. I had witnessed mistreatment of my mother by my stepfather. Though I wasn’t aware of the impact of these things at the time, the words I heard and the emotions I felt created a fear of conflict.

I was not overweight as a child or teen. In fact, when I got married, I weighed 118 pounds. I met my husband 58 years ago, a month before my eighteenth birthday. He’s a wonderful man and we have four children, seven grandchildren, and two great-granddaughters. We are blessed, as we try to instill in them the values we were taught.

My weight started to go up and down during my mid-thirties and peaked in my sixties, at which time I went on my first diet. My health problems started in 1991 with plantar fasciitis in my feet and lots of aches and pains due to musculoskeletal problems. My back ached, my knees creaked, and my weight continued to rise. After many tests, including X-rays, ultrasounds, and an MRI, in 1995 a rheumatologist diagnosed me with fibromyalgia. I was relieved to get a diagnosis. I no longer had to ward off being called a malingerer, a label that crossed my mind often over the years preceding my diagnosis.

I also had seven surgeries for carpal tunnel syndrome and trigger fingers. I became very depressed and eventually left nursing on long-term disability. I therefore had an early retirement from my beloved profession. I found it difficult to function. I was unable to accept my lot in life, this premature stoppage from work, so I went into counseling for 12 years. I was angry, missed my job and my colleagues, and felt unworthy.

Again, my weight began to climb. I could hardly walk and was put on diet pills when I was nearing 300 pounds. I had to shed the weight to be able to get knee surgery. I eventually had three surgeries for the two knee replacements because the first one needed to be redone. The last two surgeries were after I was in FA. I walked with a cane, was very dependent on my family, and certain I would be in a wheelchair for the rest of my life.

In May 2009, I met a friend at her dad’s funeral. I had seen her eight months earlier, when her mom died. Her weight loss was unbelievable. She mentioned FA, gave me a brochure, and invited me to a meeting that evening. I wondered how she could go to a meeting on the same day she’d buried her dad.

I went to the meeting very skeptical, especially when I heard the salutation, “I am a food addict!” I felt these people were nuts to be calling themselves addicts. After all, I only had a little food compulsion, and I resented being called an addict.

I was 264.5 pounds when I came into FA. I had been a professional dieter for years, being on several different diets and prescribed diet pills, but nothing worked. My attitude then was that no one was going to tell me or teach me what to do. After all, I have been there, done that, for over 40 years!

It took me time to say the word addict, but when I finally said, “I am a food addict,” I felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. This program worked for me. I discovered that it was not a diet but a way of life. I also learned that the program is three dimensional—physical, mental, and spiritual. I learned to weigh and measure my life, just as I had learned to weigh and measure my food, which led to my total acceptance of the FA program.

The tools of the program provide the guidelines and boundaries that give me the freedom to practice my program. I find quiet time most effective as it provides me with a higher power (God), whom I talk to every day. He is certainly portable! I love this program, the people I have met, the encouragement I am given, and the inner peace and calm that it affords me. I’ve lost 62 pounds, am enjoying better health and an overall feeling of well-being, and I no longer walk with a cane. Thank you God. As the prayers go up, the blessings come down.