Stopping the Obsession

Growing up in our home was difficult at times. My parents had nine kids and we worked hard. For most of my childhood, we had no running water. We helped with gardening, cleaning the house, doing laundry for eleven people, and more. My parents were strict and there wasn't any affection. I can't recall either of my parents telling me they loved me or giving me a hug. I remember a few times that I was beaten by my mother, but I have forgiven her for that. She had her hands full raising the children while my father worked.

My mother cooked three meals a day, every day. We had a lot of comfort food and vegetables from the garden that we canned or froze to preserve.

I did not have a weight problem as a child. I became overweight when my first child was about a year old and I started trying to lose weight. I took amphetamines, growth hormones, and appetite suppressant “candies.” There was a time when I ate only about 600 calories per day until my hair started falling out.

I tried hypnosis and exercised obsessively for years to control my weight. I taught exercise classes for free for four years, and another time I taught nine aerobic exercise classes per week until two days before I gave birth to my daughter. I rode a bike 20 miles per day during another period. I lifted weights and jogged, but I was still never thin. Twelve years ago I found out that I have labral tears in both hip joints. I think it’s probably from exercising so much while overweight.

I’m 64 years old now and I realize that I have been trying to lose weight since I was 23 years old. I have tried many diets. Twice I was able to lose 40 pounds but gained it back both times. I have tried so many diets that, before I found FA, I did not know what a “healthy” diet was. I tried accepting myself as being overweight, but I could not do that either.

I have done so many things to get into a right-sized body, and I am still 60 pounds overweight. I have hated myself for not being able to lose weight. I have said many times over the years that “food is my enemy.”

Recently, my daughter and her two children stayed with me for nearly a year. There was food in my house that I absolutely could not stay out of no matter how hard I tried. I finally acknowledged that I had a serious problem.

I started doing some research and found FA on the internet. I created a profile the day I found it. I identified some Zoom meetings that worked for my schedule and started attending. I found a sponsor whom I love. The day that I started attending meetings, the obsessive thoughts of food stopped. Food was no longer calling to me constantly. In these first 90 days of abstinence, I have lost about 30 pounds, which has brought me such a sense of relief. I know now that I can have a right-sized body if I stay with FA.

The daily tools help me keep my goals in the forefront of my brain. I have made many new friends who I can turn to when I need help. There is so much support in FA. Exactly what I needed. Thanks to FA, I can do this!