Shift Out of Fear

Several months ago, I got into a minor car accident on my way to qualify at an FA meeting. When that happened, a tiny part of me thought, Hey, bad things aren’t supposed to happen to me when I am doing service for my Higher Power. However, I was able to arrive at more rational thinking by processing the situation with my FA fellows. Yes, it was unfortunate that I had miscalculated, but nobody was injured. Additionally, both cars remained drivable. I was able to once again practice going to my Higher Power and my sponsor for help rather than seeking the dubious comfort of food addiction and blame. As a result, I spoke kindly and calmly to the other driver as we exchanged information.

Once I was back on the road, I called my sponsor, because I have learned that keeping her in the loop helps to safeguard my abstinence. Sharing my burdens and joys helps me release excess emotion and shift my perspective so I can return to a sense of balance and equanimity. My sponsor listened and responded sympathetically with some practical suggestions. Calmer, I drove to the meeting and was amazed that I was able to show up on time despite the delay of the accident. When it came time for me to qualify, it was easy for me to speak about the abundant gifts of FA recovery.

For months after the accident, I found myself periodically struggling with worry. How would I repair the damage to my car? Did I need to notify the DMV? Would my car insurance rates go up? I wasn’t really sure, but I knew that I needed to talk with my sponsor and fellows about each of these concerns as they arose, so I could take constructive action and shift out of self-centered fear. I felt such a sense of relief and gratitude for each of the suggestions I was given, and as I took them, things slowly started moving in a positive direction.

I am profoundly grateful that at no point did my sponsor or my fellows ask me why, a woman who is 43 years old, knew almost nothing about these practical, common sense matters that most people learn in their early 20s. Instead, my fellows provided the support and information that allowed me to learn these basic life skills. I appreciate that my Higher Power uses FA to teach me whatever I need to learn. FA precepts remind me that being humble enough to ask is a virtue that will always be rewarded.

It is relevant to explain why I had not driven a car for most of my adult life. Prior to FA, I told myself and anyone who would listen that driving was for people who couldn’t think “outside the box.” I stated that automobiles fostered a sedentary lifestyle, promoting heart disease, hypertension, stroke, obesity, etc. I argued that driving cars damages the environment and is dangerous. One need only consider the high number of people who are killed in traffic accidents each year. There are elements of truth in these observations; however, I was overlooking the many benefits and the most important reason I chose not to drive. I was too obsessed with my thinness, bulimia, and over-exercising to even consider saving money for a car or taking the time to shop for a vehicle. There were times in my life when I had plenty of money, but thoughts of driving never crossed my mind. I would much rather run to work or ride my bike. Rather than looking for ways to expand my life, I spent my time thinking about what I would eat next, where I could go to throw it up, and which types of clothes would make me look thin.

When I came into FA, got abstinent, and started to emerge from the pervasive food fog that had enshrouded me for years, I started to see the advantages of having a car. I was a food addict who lived in a town with minimal public transport, and I needed to buy groceries and go to three committed meetings every week. Although fellows gave me rides for quite a while, I finally accepted a four-wheeled vehicle. I still love to use alternative methods of transportation, but have benefited greatly from surrendering my uniqueness in favor of doing what works.

After my accident, FA helped me to get much of the paperwork and car repairs straightened out. I was still concerned that my car insurance rates would go up. I am a full-time student in graduate school and live on a very strict budget. I couldn’t see where the money would come from, so I prayed every time the anxiety-provoking thoughts tried to take over my mind. This calmed me.

Today, I got an answer from my Higher Power that filled me with awe. I received notification that my car insurance rates would nearly double. I talked with my sponsor, who is never at a loss for suggestions, and got the spiritual and practical help I needed to start my process. For hours, I called around trying to find a more reasonable quote. At one point, I got an outreach call. I stopped what I was doing to answer, thank God. We talked, which always brings me peace, and during the conversation, my FA friend suggested I try her auto insurance company. I thought, Why not? It’s worth a shot. I’ve already called so many places, but this could be my Higher Power.

Sure enough, the recommended company gave me a quote that was affordable. Interestingly, the insurance agent himself was surprised that the quote was so low. I gratefully accepted the offer and was again humbled by my Higher Power’s ability to gently extricate me from situations that inevitably arise when one attempts to live life on life’s terms. I love being abstinent, which gives me the clarity and confidence to ask my fellows and Higher Power how to live a good life, one action at a time.