One Mask at a Time

Masks, hand sanitizers, and the tools of FA. When I came into the FA program in 2009, it never occurred to me that these things could be connected, until one morning, during my quiet time, a thought entered my mind. I was reminded that my son-in-law was at the airport about to leave for a vacation to a “coronavirus hotspot.”

Letting go and letting God has been very difficult for me as a mom of six adult children who have to make their own life choices. In my addiction, I think they should understand that I know what is best for them all the time. They need to listen to the wisdom I have for them. Over the years, I told them that I had an imaginary book titled “How to Live Your Life According to Roseanne” and that I knew that none of them had read it. Their joking retort to me was, “And we’re not going to.” I would then respond with a smile, “How rude!”

When my daughter and son-in-law first told me they were going, I was concerned for their health. My initial thought was that they would surely test positive when they got home. I secretly hoped that their flight would be cancelled, but no such luck. I didn’t want to be the bad guy, telling them not to go because of my own fears, and they didn’t ask for my opinion. In FA, I have learned not to give opinions unless asked. I would have to work my recovery by “letting go and letting God!”

My daughter reassured me that they would have their masks and sanitizers, taking care to follow all necessary precautions to keep themselves safe as well as those around them. When they returned, they would self-quarantine for 14 days. I felt so grateful that they were taking responsibility by doing the right thing. Miraculously, as my quiet time that day continued, I began to see similarities between my FA tools and their taking necessary COVID precautions, such as mask wearing, using hand sanitizers, social distancing, and self-quarantining to protect themselves and others.

In my FA journey, there were times I worked my tools doing half measures, but I learned that didn’t work. By not using the tools as they are meant, I experienced weight gain, swelling in my joints, anger, resentments, fear, doubts, insecurities, and being a busybody. All of that old thinking came rushing back. I was not protecting myself or those around me.

Despite my pain, I got down on my knees, praying to my Higher Power for the willingness to get and stay abstinent by using the tools as I had been taught to do.

Gratitude, anonymity, literature, writing, and service are all tools that have helped me to stay abstinent. Without the gift of abstinence, I shut down and focus only on myself, which is an awful place to be. With abstinence, I have been able to protect my health and serenity and be of service to those around me.

Working my program of recovery, I experience the peace and serenity of allowing my adult children to live their own lives. When they made the decision to take COVID precautions to protect their health and serenity, my children came back safely and COVID free. I am grateful to my Higher Power for showing me the connection between mask wearing, hand sanitizers, and the FA tools, and how they all benefit me and others by providing protection for a healthier, stronger lifestyle.