parenting
HOW TO
handle THEIR words by Kathryn Kvols
WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW
There are few words more irksome than hearing your child say “no.” Rest assured, your child is very normal. If they assert themselves with a “no,” you can pat yourself on the back. You have not raised a submissive child! The fascination with “no” stems from the fact that toddlers (and tweens) are starting to realize they are individuals who have a will of their own. This is the early beginning of your child learning to stand up for themselves and knowing what she wants. They are learning to set her own boundaries
and build the foundation for healthy relationships. Children who become compliant at a young age often suffer later in life from lack of will and passion. As parents, we need to think very carefully about how we choose to respond to their lack of compliance. CHECK THESE FIRST
Are they tired, thirsty, hungry, or getting sick? If yes, meet their physical needs first.
CONNECT BEFORE YOU MAKE A REQUEST
Children need to feel connected. If they don’t, they are more likely to be uncooperative. Play a quick game of peek-a-boo or chase them around the kitchen island and then make your request. ASK QUESTIONS INSTEAD OF GIVING DIRECTIVES
When we give our children orders, it creates resistance. Learn to change your commands into questions, i.e., “Put your toys away,” becomes “Where do your toys belong?”This is very simple, but most of my clients report fast, immediate results. DON’T ARGUE
This is a battle that can’t be won. There is no positive outcome, and often ends with one or both of you in tears. RESPECT THEIR “NO”
When you can, say “Thank you for telling me.” Wait a few minutes and try your request again. When a relative tries 6
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