Adolescence and Destructive Behaviors
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arenting children through adolescents is, to say the least, challenging. It is a natural part of growing into an adult to rebel, to seemingly abandon family values, experiment with new behaviors and test limits. According to Eric Ericson the adolescent must throw out the values the family has instilled in them as a child and create their own set of values. They must first empty the proverbial tea cup before filling it up again. This process allows them to become an individual with a unique identity who is able to function in the world and be autonomous from the family of origin. Still it can be quite worrisome and at times downright scary to be a parent of an adolescent. When are adolescent behaviors natural and adaptive vs. problematic and indicative of more serious underlying causes? This is a difficult question as many adolescents experiment with dangerous behaviors. They may drink and use drugs, have unprotected sex, drag race with the family car, shoplift or any number of activities that will make a parents hair stand on end. Still “experimenting,” with such behaviors is a natural part of going out into the world, trying on different values and forming a functioning sense of self. This article will help parents identify when their adolescents behavior may be indicative of a larger problem. Also I will introduce some strategies to help deal with these behaviors. What is destructive behavior? Good question. Let’s take alcohol or drug use. Although I am not suggesting you tolerate any chemical use, I am suggesting that some experimental use may not qualify as necessarily
destructive. If the use is occasional, experimental and/or not interfering with the adolescents general functioning or development I would label this as inappropriate but not destructive behavior. If the use becomes chronic, serves to self-medicate, interferes with functioning and/or impedes development then I would label the behavior destructive. Chronic use of marijuana that causes decreased motivation, increased anxiety and a lack of attention given to schoolwork and other developmental tasks such as dating, I would label destructive. A teen might engage in a dangerous behavior while driving a car. There is a road near where I grew up that has a large bump in it, for decades young people have driven fast over the bump to become airborne. Usually the most damage done was to the cars suspension. Although not a recommended activity I would not consider this behavior destructive. I would consider it risk taking behavior. About eight years ago a group of teenagers did this on a very cold night; the car slid on an ice patch going onto the bump and skidded into a tree killing one of the passengers. So yes, risk taking can be very dangerous but not necessarily destructive as defined here. Conversely, driving recklessly at high speeds frequently, and flirting with causing an accident may be a symptom of depression and suicidal thoughts. This is a destructive behavior. We used to have a list of about sixty adolescent behaviors that are earmarks of substance abuse. They included,
