Dez/Jan
2014
WANT TO TEACH YOUR BABY TO READ? GET YOUR VEGAN ON
Celebrity chef Attila Hildmann dispels vegan fears and gives you hot tips to jumpstart healthy eating habits
WORSHIPPING
THE EARTH
WHOSE HOME FOR THE
HOLIDAYS?
contents Contents ON THE COVER
{Tap any title to jump to an article!}
AND MORE… “A” is for Advice Is your child ready for a scary movie? The answer may surprise you.
Guys and Dolls Is your son more interested in dolls than race cars?
Want to Teach Your Baby to Read?
9 Ways to Save on Travel
Don’t fall for gimmicks. Get your little ones ready for reading with stimulating conversation!
Hold on to your wallets! We’ve got a few simple ideas that’ll help you save cash on your next trip.
Contributor Allie Lowe reflects on the difficulties of being different and exposing her children to a multitude of spiritual worldviews.
Whose Home for the Holidays? Successful holiday co-parenting makes happy kids and homes.
Get Your Vegan On Celebrity chef Attila Hildmann dispels vegan fears and gives you hot tips to jumpstart healthy eating habits.
FEATURES What Kindergarten Has Taught Me This Year All you really need to know you probably learned in kindergarten.
Family Resolutions New Year’s resolutions that’ll keep you moving forward together.
The Laws of Leftovers How long will that meatloaf last? We dish on food safety.
Discipline Done Right Learn how to discipline your children effectively—with love, respect, and guidance.
Building Parent-Teacher Relationships Establish a positive relationship with your child’s teacher using these five steps.
Playing Hookey When is your child too sick to go to school?
Holiday Fun for Less Saving money during the holidays doesn’t mean you need to be a Grinch!
COVER PHOTO: STOCKBYTE/THINKSTOCK
Worshipping the Earth
Carissa Pelletier PUBLISHER & EDITOR-IN-CHIEF MANAGING EDITOR
Jennifer Anderson GRAPHIC DESIGNERS
Alvaro Beleza Livia Beleza CONTRIBUTING EDITOR
Crystal Plante CONTRIBUTORS
Allison Lowe Attila Hildmann Babs Bell Hajdusiewicz Cyndi Wright Katie Hale Kristin Personette Sadie Lankford
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When I Grow Up It’s hard to believe, but it’s been one year since we launched the premiere issue of Grown Ups! In that year we’ve shared conversations with parents across the globe, explored a multitude of themes, considered countless photos, and edited a plethora of words. We are delighted that you’ve been with us, or, if this is your first issue, that you’re joining us now. As the New Year approaches, we’re gearing up to pursue new goals and better ways to work—for you, for our contributors, and for our entire team. Grown Ups will continue seeking out unique perspectives that highlight what it means to be a part of a child’s life. We’ll keep providing you with parent-tested advice and information that will help you on your journey. We hope that as Grown Ups grows, you’ll continue to grow with us, adding your voices, ideas, and talents to our future issues. Make sure you take some time to connect with us on Twitter, Facebook, Pinterest, or on our website, which features exclusive monthly content. We look forward to meeting you. Happy Holidays, readers, and have a Wonderful New Year!
PHOTO: CAMARIE CALLARI
Carissa Pelletier Editor-In-Chief
We Asked... Do you ask your kids how their day went? Where do you usually have this conversation? I always ask how there day went the moment they walk in the door. I’ll also ask one negative and one positive of their day during dinner conversation. We go around the table so each person gets a turn. This shows me what I may need to watch (or congratulate). – ELIZABETH FERREE
I ask my 3-year-old son his favorite part of the day when we are snuggling before bed. – JULIE M.
I ask my 6-year-old son each day I pick him up from school how his day was. I also ask, “What was the favorite part of your day?” I want him to know how important he is to me, and I feel showing interest in his daily life is a great way to show that. – JENNIFER H.
This is a really special nightly ritual between my husband and our daughter. I normally ask our daughter, Gidget, how her day went when she comes home from school, and we talk about the ups and downs, but there’s something special about the unique conversations father and daughter have each night, and how those chats have evolved over the years. They curl up together in a huge chair in our daughter’s bedroom and over the years the questions have gone from “My day was good, daddy, I built a really cool castle out of the pink and purple blocks,” to “My day was AWESOME dad! I stomped out that butter on my board today, and I got 100% on my math test. Did you like math when you were a kid? Were you good at it? Am I like you when it comes to math?” I can only imagine what those conversations will be like when she grows into a teenager and a beautiful young woman. – AUDREY H.
I always ask my kids how their day went and what they learned the minute they’re buckled into their seatbelt. – MIRANDA AWTON
Add Your Thoughts!
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“A”is for Advice Is your child ready for a scary movie? The answer may surprise you.
Q: My ten-year-old daughter was BY CRYSTAL PL ANTE
recently invited to a party where a scary movie was shown. Out of the eight kids invited, I was the only parent who did not let my child go. Am I being too old fashioned?
PHOTO: SCOTT GRIESSEL/THINKSTOCK
A: Considering that some ten-year olds
still believe in Santa Claus and the tooth fairy, I think you made the right call. Exposure to fantastical elements in scary movies— ghosts, predators, monsters, and gore—has a lasting impact on kids. A 1999 study from the University of Wisconsin found that 90% of college students who reported watching scary movies as a child or adolescent could recall the experience years later. What’s more, 26% reportedly developed what’s known as “residual anxiety” associated with these movies. In other words, some college kids were still experiencing sleep disruption, nightmares, obsessive thinking about the frightening images, and/or avoidance of certain situations because they watched a scary movie as a kid. What’s scarier than that? The study also found that the younger the age of the viewer (toddlers and preschoolers in some cases), the longer the negative effects persisted.
Granted, some kids seem to handle the anxiety better than others, but that really doesn’t seem that reassuring in light of the evidence. I applaud you for not succumbing to parental peer pressure. You’ve also gained another bonus for standing your ground: a full night’s sleep uninterrupted by your daughter’s movieinduced nightmares. Who wouldn’t pass that up? Want to ask any of our experts for advice? Visit our Ask a Question page to submit your dilemma!
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WANT TO TEACH YOUR BABY
to read?
Don’t fall for gimmicks. Get your little ones ready for reading with stimulating conversation!
PHOTO: KOKANPHOTO/THINKSTOCK
BY BABS BELL HAJDUSIEWICZ
H
Hold on! Raising lifelong readers doesn’t require media-hyped tools or daily lessons. As the mom of two, I know how easy it is to fall for gimmicks. But if you focus on the facts, you’ll set your kids on the path to reading success. TIME IS OF THE ESSENCE Learning to read is a complex process that works best when approached systematically over time. I learned that babies and toddlers need time to study how facial features look as mouths shape sounds and combinations of sounds; time to recognize sound combinations as syllables; time to combine those syllables; and time to connect words with their embedded knowledge—to divine the meaning from heard language.
I’ve had many students who performed reading’s separate tasks well, but had no idea how to combine those tasks to obtain meaning. My five-year-old demonstrated such “word reading.” Flawlessly, she read aloud a long paragraph from a college textbook, then asked, “Daddy, what do all those words mean?” Indeed, reading for meaning is a combination of a complicated consortium of complex skills.
Babies imitate heard language that’s interesting and makes sense. They observe talkers and then make up their own rules. Because infants and toddlers want to be understood, they want their own language imitations to be accurate. To attain that accuracy, children need to listen to spoken words again and again. All of this takes time. Before a child can crack open a book, they must experience language.
If you’re reading this article, chances are good that you’re reading silently, fluently, and rapidly. As an accomplished reader, you’ve internalized your reading tasks. You don’t need to vocalize each letter’s corresponding sound as you scan the page, and you automatically relate those sounds, words, and sentences to information you already know.
PHOTO: BABS BELL HAJDUSIEWICZ
FLUENCY VERSUS COMPREHENSION
how faces should look when they make each of any number of sounds and sound combinations. Children need to hear language sounds repeated until they feel ready to try to say it. You may need to change your modeling style to accommodate your child. My toddler, who’d been using pronouns in sentences to refer to himself, started using his name instead. I wondered why until I listened to my modeling: “Mommy will help”; “Give it to Mommy”; “This is Mommy’s pen.” Because I referred to myself in the third person using my own name, my toddler followed my lead. HOW SHOULD CAREGIVERS RESPOND TO DEVELOPING LANGUAGE? Doctors Betty Hart and Todd Risley spent decades observing the linguistic development of children in the home. Their groundbreaking research underscores the importance of oral language development—reading aloud and talking— during a child’s first three years. Their work not only ties the importance of oral language experience to reading successes, but also suggests that it’s an indicator of academic successes later in life. WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE WHEN A BABY IS READY TO LEARN You’ve noticed a baby’s concentrated seriousness, an expression that seems to say: “I’m busy. I gotta get my eyes to look and my ears to listen at the same time. I gotta figure out what all this means.” Because “talking face” scenarios come and go, it takes time for infants and toddlers to figure it out and decide
Your response is all-important. Suppose, for example, he’s heard you say “dog” during walks and daily read-alouds. And suppose, you hear him say some approximation of that word. His “duh” needs your response that you did, indeed, understand: “Yes! Dog! You said, ‘dog!’” Your child’s confidence with language grows with every conversation, readaloud, and affirmation. With all your repetitious modeling, it may seem that you are leading this language-learning dance. But your child soon takes over and does a workout of all workouts! Repetition is the key to build oral language. My students and my own children will repeatedly request the same book, poem, or song. Infants and toddlers who want repetition will wiggle and giggle to make their wishes known. I enjoyed this language dance with my babies, and now I’m participating in my grandbaby’s language-learning dance.
PHOTO: FUSE/THINKSTOCK
WHAT DOES THE RESEARCH SAY?
And it’s an all-new experience as I watch her manipulating her tongue and cheeks and lips. Her first days of vocal attempts were all body talk as each sound seemed to wiggle upward from her tippy toes. Her look of surprise and delight lights up her face when each new sound or word pops out. I listen breathlessly outside her door as she practices in the quiet of her crib every sound, every word she’s heard today. MY APPROACH As a mother and teacher, I learned that my job was to immerse my children’s ears in language sounds, helping them model their listened and observed language experiences. We would, I concluded, party on with talking and reading aloud. We’d wait a few years to invite—and expect—my children’s eyes to read and their hands to write. I’ve learned that babies roll over in their own time. They crawl, walk, dress, and feed themselves eventually, too. As with birthdays, each skill is a milestone that occurs naturally—with the passing of time. Learning to read is another milestone, one that occurs, I’ve learned, when a child has a lengthy and rich oral language experience. When put to the test with my own babies, I chose to focus on reading aloud and talking to stimulate their potential rather than rely on read-to-learn exercises. Our read-alouds and conversations emphasized vocabulary and world knowledge. Oral language and more oral language, I believed, would prepare them to be the best readers they could be. As expected, both began to read when they were ready—one at age four; the other during second grade. And today? Both of them are avid readers.
I DID IT! I tried and tried and tried and tried and then I quit and sighed. I sighed and sighed and sighed and sighed and then I quit and tried and I did it!
© 1996 Babs Bell Hajdusiewicz from More Phonics Through Poetry: Teaching Phonemic Awareness Using Poetry
Add Your Thoughts!
Worshipping THE
EARTH BY ALLISON LOWE
PHOTO: YARUTA/THINKSTOCK
Contributor Allie Lowe reflects on the difficulties of being different and exposing her children to a multitude of spiritual worldviews.
H
Here in the United States, much of society assumes—however incorrectly— we all operate under a Judeo-Christian belief set. When you deviate from that perceived norm, you’re immediately subject to questioning: Are you harming yourself? Your family? Do you really know what you’re getting into? As the so-called black sheep in my family, I understand. My family has diverse Christian roots. And me? I am what you would call a tree-hugging pagan. I have a nine-year-old daughter and a five-year-old son, and both have been exposed to many spiritual practices and religions. Preschool and family events introduced them to Christianity. They practice Paganism, since that is what I encourage in my household. They have also been exposed to Hinduism, Buddhism, and Judaism through family friends. What I practice is closest to Wicca; however, most neo-pagan religions do not have a set doctrine. Naming them and labeling them is often difficult, even more so when I have to explain the differences to my children. Religion and spirituality encompass deep concepts that even we, as adults, struggle to grasp and comprehend. Our minds cannot always touch the complexity of the divine, the eternal, or the afterlife. It’s why so many of us turn to church or organized practice to help us make sense of it.
Children are more literal in their understanding. As a child, I remember thinking that Heaven literally meant the clouds and sky above me, and that Hell was beneath my feet. God, of course, was a white- bearded fellow who sat on a golden cloud and watched over everyone. As I got older, I realized that my personal beliefs conflicted with how I’d been raised, which started my new spiritual journey. Explaining all of this to my children has proven to be a delicate and careful dance, especially when they’re bombarded with Judeo-Christian worldviews. When they ask, “Where is Heaven?” I explain that there isn’t exactly one—our energy is everywhere. When they ask, “Where is Hell?” I let them know that there’s a little bit of good in everyone. When they ask, “Who is God?” I introduce them to the Earthmother. God means Goddess too; there isn’t really a gendered aspect. Somehow, everything we can see, smell, and touch, even what we can’t, was made by Earthmother. When others talk about their beliefs to my children is when it’s the hardest. An Evangelical aunt took them to church with her, which initially made me tense. I had a feeling that my children would come back confused. When they returned, I was gentle in my explanations. “Different people believe different things. Some believe that Jesus died to save
In our household we celebrate “normal” U.S. holidays. We do, however, ensure that they’re infused with their pagan roots. Christmas is also Yule, the return of the sun with the Winter Solstice. Easter is Oestra, the return of the fertility to the earth. We celebrate the turning of the seasons with Beltane, Midsummer, and Samhain (Halloween), too. I try to teach our children how to watch what is happening in the world around them and observe how it changes. Each season cycles into the next and creates a great circle. As spring cannot happen without winter, life cannot happen without death.
Though I understand that my belief system will continue to present my children with challenges, I refuse to tell them what they should believe. By exposing my kids to a cornucopia of different belief systems, I hope to enrich their personal, spiritual understandings. One day, one religion (or lack thereof) will call to them and they will find their path. All I can do is act as guide, teaching them the common thread that ties each belief system together: be a good person, take care of and love the world around you, and you will be happier for it in the end.
Add Your Thoughts!
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everyone. Others believe that you come back to try again when you die. I believe in the Earthmother. All of these are all right, and they’re all good.”
Guys and Dolls
BY CRYSTAL PL ANTE
I
Imagine, if you will, a playroom stocked with toys, stuffed animals, dolls, and trunks and trunks of dress-up clothes. Two children, a boy and a girl, race into the room, eager to dig in. The boy makes a beeline for a doll, and the girl goes straight for the racetrack. Now consider the following: if we told the girl that playing with the racetrack were unacceptable and encouraged her to play with the dress-up clothes instead, we’d be considered sexist. Yet at the same time, some of the individuals who’d call us sexist would have no qualms taking the doll away from the boy and steering him toward the more masculine toys.
PHOTO: RUDYANTO WIJAYA/THINKSTOCK
Is your son more interested in dolls than race cars?
Open-ended play, like the kind of play that dolls naturally elicit, is especially beneficial for growth. Moreover, there are many distinct skills that are necessary for proper development that dolls encourage, including:
Research has noted that baby boys tend to be more attached to their mothers than baby girls, but societal norms overwhelm natural gentility in favor of masculinity and toughness. Most cultures teach boys at a young age that playing with “girl” toys, like dolls and tea sets, make them “sissies.” Moreover, some parents still hold onto the misguided notion that boys who play with dolls are destined to grow up gay. The more likely explanation is that dolls are a reflection of natural tendencies. In other words, playing with dolls is an effect, not a cause. Not all boys gravitate toward dolls. Some boys, it seems, are hard-wired to prefer toys that are more traditionally geared towards boys. Other boys eschew dolls in favor of the masculine analogue, action figures. It has been said that play is a child’s work and that children learn through play.
By age 3 or 4, boys who play with dolls tend to take on the role of the father figure, interacting with the dolls in ways that their fathers interact with them. Dolls allow boys to work through emotions and explore scenarios, such as bedtime. Dolls also help children release tension. Hitting a doll may not seem very nice, but it can be a much more positive release than hitting a sibling or pet. This also allows you the opportunity to correct bad behavior without anyone getting hurt. In the end, parents should just encourage their children, both male and female, to play with what interests them. Research indicates that people who have both male and female personality traits earn more money and are happier in life than those who adhere to strictly-defined masculine and feminine roles. Regardless, parents shouldn’t be upset if they find their son rocking a doll. Instead, take comfort Add Your in knowing that some Thoughts! day that little boy will grow up to be a kind, nurturing adult.
PHOTO: STRUKOV IGOR/THINKSTOCK
What gives? Why isn’t it just as inappropriate to dissuade a boy from playing with dolls as it is to dissuade a girl from playing with traditionally masculine toys?
∞∞ PRETEND PLAY ∞∞ FINE MOTOR SKILLS (THROUGH FEEDING AND DRESSING) ∞∞ LANGUAGE SKILLS ∞∞ SOCIAL SKILLS ∞∞ SHARING ∞∞ COOPERATION ∞∞ PROBLEM-SOLVING
BY KATIE HALE
Successful holiday co-parenting makes happy kids and homes.
PHOTO: DIGITAL VISION/THINKSTOCK
Whose Home for the Holidays?
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When you start a family, it’s hard imagining anything but that perfect, happy moment when you’re all opening presents beneath the tree. Sadly, divorce and separation is a reality for many families during the holiday season. If you’re one of them, it’s important to plan accordingly so that you can have a safe, warm holiday.
Practice acceptance. You’re
Respect the entire family. It’s
not just about sharing your children’s time with your ex—there are grandparents and aunts and uncles and cousins to consider, too. Remember that it’s important to give your child the time to celebrate with their whole family.
Follow the rules. While it may
be tempting to say no to what your court ordered visitation says, it is really important to follow the rules. (Especially if your relationship with your ex is shaky.) Even if you don’t like giving your child up for the holidays, follow what the judge deemed appropriate. What your ex chooses to do with your kids during their time isn’t always what you would like or want. You have to let it go and let this happen. (Unless, of course, there’s a safety concern.)
Communicate about gifts and events. Openly communicate
about what you’re planning to gift to your children. (And, whose house Santa is visiting.) You also need to ensure that everyone is aware of school parties, community events, or extracurricular activities in which your children are scheduled to participate. These little things can make or break your relationship comfort during the holidays. Setting aside your own desires is the biggest struggle when co-parenting, especially during the holidays. It’s understandable that you’d want the entire holiday without interruption, but it’s crucial that you share time with others. Set a great example of communication Add Your and flexibility for your Thoughts! children as you navigate the holidays—with their other parents involved.
PHOTO: FUSE/THINKSTOCK
going to have to share. Your child was created with the help of another human being. You may feel closer to your child, and you may even feel like the better parent (and hey, that may be true), but you still have to share. It is a disservice to your child to pretend that other person doesn’t exist. The sooner you accept this, the easier the holidays will be.
What Kindergarten Has Taught Me This Year All you really need to know you probably learned in kindergarten.
PHOTO: MOODBOARD/THINKSTOCK
BY CYNDI WRIGHT
M
My oldest entered kindergarten this year. My feelings wavered from excitement to anxiety to worry. Kindergarten was a huge milestone for me and for my child. I was no longer confined to baby talk. I could successfully join conversations about school lunches and after-school activities and fundraisers—all the other discussions that parents of school-aged children enjoyed. Though I thought I’d have the school routine down pat, it turned out I had a lot to learn.
The school bus is scary Okay, I’ll be honest: it’s much scarier to me than it is to her. My daughter ran off on the first day without hesitation, barely waving goodbye. I, however, fret each and every time she boards. I worry about exposing her to kids much older (and bigger) than she is. I worry about her getting off on the wrong stop—happened and resolved once already—and most of all, I worry about her venturing into a world where she no longer needs a ride from mom. And that’s the scariest.
You’ll REALLY learn about your child’s behavior My child is extremely active—the child barely sits down. When I picked her up from daycare, I’d always ask about how well she behaved. I’d usually receive a saccharine, watered-down version of her antics I can only speculate that because I
was a paying customer, they felt the need to make excuses for her behavior rather than “keeping it real.” In kindergarten, behavior reports became a whole new ball game. While my child’s teacher is still super sweet, she doesn’t hesitate to give me the real scoop on my daughter’s behavior. And I love it. I feel like we are a team and that together we are helping my child progress. I love that I don’t feel like my child is “pulling one over on her” or getting away with more than she should. I feel confident that her teacher is gently nudging toward her fullest potential, just as we do at home.
You’ll fall short of your own expectations…and that’s okay I always pictured myself as volunteering, bento-box lunch-making, warmbreakfast-each-morning type of mom. The truth is that most days I feel accomplished just getting my child out the door with a packed lunch and a cereal breakfast. At the end of the day though, I feel just fine. My parenting decisions are my own. I see my child learning, growing, and achieving personal goals left and right. And at the end of the day, that’s what really matters. Share your kindergarten and preschool advice for first-time parents with us!
Add Your Thoughts!
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9 Ways
TO SAVE ON TRAVEL Hold on to your wallets! We’ve got a few simple ideas that’ll help you save cash on your next trip. BY SADIE L ANKFORD
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Traveling is fun, but it can be so expensive! Fortunately, we’ve compiled eight ways to save a few dollars on your next trip:
to traveling, food can be one of your biggest expenses. If you’re going on a road trap, pack a cooler with sandwiches, drinks, fruit, and easy-to-eat snacks. You’re also likely to save more money by purchasing additional snacks and meals at grocery stores rather than convenience stores or fast food joints.
✓✓Pack an empty water bottle if you’re flying. Bottled water is expensive in the terminal, and while you can’t bring a full bottle through security when it’s full, you can while it’s empty. Add water from a drinking fountain when you’re at your gate.
✓✓Cook it yourself. If you’re staying at a hotel, try to book an efficiency suite. Many of these rooms are equipped with a refrigerator, stove, and microwave.
✓✓Make an itinerary. You can use Groupon, Living Social, and Amazon Local to scout out advance deals on meals and fun activities.
✓✓Skip the souvenirs. While it’s fun to splurge while traveling, most souvenirs are overpriced and cheaply made.
✓✓Double up. Plan a vacation with friends, and you can halve (or even quarter) your accommodation expenses. You can find great deals on beach houses or cabins, and many hotels offer divided suites.
✓✓Couch surf. Plan your next vacation in an area where you have friends and family. Couch surfing is free, and if you’re only staying for a few days, it will be just as fun as a hotel—without the added expense. (But make sure you bring a thank-you gift for your friends and family!)
✓✓Plan in advance. Book your flights, hotels, or cruises in advance—rates are likely to be lower. You can also subscribe to services like AirfareWatchDog.com that will let you know when the best rates to your destination of choice are available.
✓✓Rearrange your vacation time. Avoid traveling during traditional school or holiday breaks and take advantage of hugely discounted rates.
How do you save money on travel? Leave your tips in the comments!
Add Your Thoughts!
PHOTO: PIYAGOON/THINKSTOCK
✓✓Bring your own food. When it comes
Family Resolutions New Year’s resolutions that’ll keep you moving forward together.
BY KATIE HALE
too. Common goals can help you work together and encourage one another. These great ideas are sure to make your family excited to work together as a team.
PHOTO: JACK HOLLINGSWORTH/THINKSTOCK
I
It’s hard to believe, but 2015 is just around the corner. While we encourage everyone to make personal resolutions, it’s a lot of fun to create family resolutions,
Does your family watch a lot of TV? Even if you’re all watching the same show, you’re engaging in a passive activity. Schedule television-free days and use your newfound time to play board or video games together.
Commit to a pet.
Have your kids begged for a pet? If you’re ready and willing to take the plunge, work together as a family to outline responsibilities. Everyone should have a specific job that helps keep your new pet happy and healthy.
Make time for family dinner. Reduce, Reuse, and Recycle. We get it—eating on the go is the norm for many busy households. But studies show that eating together as a family can have lasting benefits. This year resolve to have a family meal (breakfast counts!) at least once per week.
Schedule one-on-one time.
If you have multiple children, it’s often hard to divide attention. This year make an effort to schedule one-on-one outings once per month. Each child will receive personal, special attention that can help ensure he or she feels important. And remember, it’s crucial that siblings spend one-on-one time together, too.
If you don’t already have a recycling plan, start one. Create bins for recyclable materials and start working together to go green. Switch to cloth rather than paper napkins. Recycle plastic bottles, aluminum cans, plastics, cardboard, and newspapers. If your family is feeling particularly ambitious, make a plan to start a compost pile or bin. You can use the new, rich soil to start a garden project when it gets warm again! Establishing family projects and goals helps improve communication and trust. What are your favorite family resolutions?
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Get competitive.
Learn how to discipline your children effectively— with love, respect, and guidance.
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DISCIPLINE Done Right
PHOTO: SONJA FOOS/THINKSTOCK
D
Discipline is one of the hardest parts of parenthood, but it’s also one of the most important. The word itself is loaded with meaning: a disciple is “a follower of a person or idea” and discipline means “to guide with love.” In other words, the goal of discipline is not to punish the snot out of the kid but to guide future behavior with as much love as you can muster in those tense moments. So when you find yourself having one of those days, take a deep breath and keep the following in mind:
out and revisit the situation when tempers cool down. But be sure to address it within a reasonable amount of time (definitely before bedtime) so the child doesn’t think you’re overlooking the problem.
CHECK THEIR AGE
Toddlers cannot be held to the same standard as school-aged children, but middle school students should exhibit more self-control than a kindergartener. In other words, the child’s age matters. A good rule of thumb is to think of the child’s CHECK YOUR REACTION age in years when doling out discipline. Shouting begets shouting, disrespect A three year old should be able to sit in begets more disrespect. You are the adult time out for three minutes, whereas a five and need to set the tone: don’t get sucked year old should be able to withstand a five into unnecessary arguments, discussions, minute discussion. Most teenagers can be or disagreements. Use a respectful tone expected to complete disciplinary tasks on and insist that the child do the same. their own (like cleaning up a mess that they Your tone of voice conveys just as much made), while younger kids will probably as spoken words do. If you or the child need assistance (have the toddler help cannot manage to speak civilly, take a time clean up the mess, but don’t expect her
to do it all by herself). It may not sound fair, especially if children of varying age levels are involved in the same event, but discipline should be equitable, not equal (or similar but not the same) based on age and development level.
As harsh as it sounds, some misbehavior is the parents’ fault. How can that happen? Children thrive on routines and consistency. They like to know what the boundaries are and then choose whether or not to adhere to them. Some parents make this difficult by not having clear expectations or enforcing expectations inconsistently. How can the kid know how to behave if a different set of standards is enforced every day? If a bad behavior is tolerated once, it’s natural to assume it will be tolerated again. Some parents let infractions go by once, twice, three times, before wham! They nail the kid for something that seemed perfectly acceptable before. Think about the expectations before you jump in to punish a child. Did Junior eat in his room last night? Did he know it was a one-time treat? It’s hardly his fault if he didn’t.
USE NATURAL CONSEQUENCES For discipline to be most effective, it must match the child’s actions. Try to find cause and effect methods to help reinforce the actions that need modified. If, for instance, a child forgot to feed the dog, don’t take away the cell phone. What does a cell phone have to do with feeding a dog? Instead, make the child take over dog duties for the rest of the week. Daughter broke her sister’s toy? Either make her give her sister
money from her allowance to replace the toy, or have her choose a toy from her own stash to give. Consequences need to be a natural flow of cause and effect to reinforce the message and emphasize the desired behavior. Think about your own life: if you don’t do the laundry, does someone swoop in to take away your laptop?
MAKE SURE IT’S WARRANTED Parenting is stressful and sometimes a child’s actions grate on the nerves of even the most patient parent. Stop and consider whether or not discipline is needed before dishing it out. Constant acts of discipline render it meaningless when a child used to getting punished for everything tunes out parental Add Your intervention. Make sure Thoughts! the action warrants a response before turning to disciplinary actions.
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BE CLEAR WITH YOUR EXPECTATIONS
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Building
Parent-Teacher Relationships Establish a positive relationship with your child’s teacher using these five steps. BY KRISTIN PERSONET TE
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The school year can be nerve-wracking for parents, teachers, and students. Parents and teachers must be able to successfully communicate to have a productive year. If you’re worried about building a positive relationship with your child’s teacher, here are some tips to keep in mind.
Communication One way to build a positive relationship with your child’s teacher is to engage in open communication. If you have a concern, approach the teacher politely and directly. A lack of communication can breed frustration for both parties, causing small problems and negativity to snowball out of control. Make sure you ask questions when there’s confusion so that you reduce the risk of miscommunication. The more communication there is between you and your child’s teacher, the better!
Compliments Teachers frequently receive bad reports and seldom hear good news. If your child’s teacher does something great, make sure you tell them. Remember: teachers contribute countless hours to ensure your child has an excellent educational experience. Compliments can come in the form of thank-you notes, a quick phone call, or a positive e-mail. These actions are always appreciated, and you can count on your child’s teacher returning the favor each time your child does something great!
Technology Technology makes it easier for parents and teachers to connect. While we
don’t recommend sending your child’s teacher a friend request on Facebook, e-mails, phone calls, texting, and voicemail are super tools for quick communication. Ask your child’s teacher about their technological preferences so that you’re not being intrusive.
Provide support When your child’s teacher makes a suggestion, try not to take it personally. Think about what he or she said and evaluate it closely. One of the best ways to build a positive relationship with your child’s teacher is to support their educational and behavioral assessments as much as possible. If you and your child’s teacher function as a team, you’ll have a greater chance of effecting your child’s growth.
Stay involved Most classrooms are growing, and when there’s one teacher and more than thirty students, it’s easy to see how teaching can get overwhelming. If you want to ensure your child’s success, you need to stay involved. Find out how you can help on your schedule, and remain a positive influence in the class. Offering a helping hand can help build a positive relationship with your child’s teacher and the whole class in general. How do you build a positive relationship with your child’s teacher? We’d love to hear from you!
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The Laws of
Leftovers
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How long will that meatloaf last? We dish on food safety.
BY CRYSTAL PL ANTE
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Leftovers can be a busy parent’s best friend. But let’s be real—sometimes we push those Tupperware® containers to the back of the fridge and forget about them. How long will that leftover spaghetti last? Can you safely reheat Thursday’s meatloaf? Is food safe to eat as long as it still smells okay? Although we often may have more leeway than we think, some hard and fast food-safety rules will help keep you free from unintentional food poisoning. Read on for tips to make the most of your leftovers.
Timing is everything
Watch your reheating methods
Two hours is the absolute maximum amount of time food can be safely left at room temperature without a heat source or refrigeration. This safe zone is halved if the surrounding air temperature is 90°F or greater. Even if that food looks okay, smells fine, and tastes good, it can still make you sick. Don’t trust your senses on this. If you are unable to refrigerate leftovers within two hours of service, toss them out.
Leftovers are awesome because you just need to pop them in the microwave, wait a few minutes, and dig in. But remember: cooked foods should be reheated to a temperature of at least 165°F to ensure that rogue bacteria are dead and gone. Soups, gravies, and sauces should be reheated to boiling before serving. The USDA suggests using stoves, microwaves, or ovens to reheat leftovers. Crockpots, steam tables, and chafing dishes should not be used because slow cooking doesn’t get food hot quickly enough to avoid possible bacterial growth. If you are using these methods to serve foods, heat them before placing them in the serving dishes.
Leftovers are not indefinite Cooked food is safe up to four days after initial service as long as it is properly stored in the refrigerator (see the two hour rule above). Foods that have been in the refrigerator for longer than four days should be thrown out. Foods that won’t be eaten within four days can be stored in the freezer, although the quality of some leftovers diminishes once frozen. And forget the old “Peas Porridge Hot” nursery rhyme—food loses quality each time it is reheated. Avoid reheating leftovers in large batches, and reheat only what you’ll eat in one serving.
Store food correctly Two hours, four days—so many numbers to remember! Here’s one more: 40°F. Forty degrees is the magic number that prevents bacterial growth, which can lead to foodborne illness. It’s also best to store foods in shallow containers so that the food cools quickly and evenly. Food in large containers can leave hot spots where bacteria can flourish. Cover the food with airtight lids, plastic wrap, or aluminum foil to keep foods from drying out or picking up odors.
FOOD SAFETY BY THE NUMBERS
4 DAYS } Amount of time that leftovers can be safely stored in the refrigerator
40°F } Temperature at which foods
should be kept to inhibit bacterial growth
60 MINUTES } Amount
of time food can safely be left out in temperatures above 90°F
120 MINUTES } Amount of time food can be safely left out in temperatures below 90°F
140°F } Foods between 40 degrees and 140 degrees encourage bacterial growth
165°F } Leftovers should be reheated to this temperature.
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Playing
Hookey When is your child too sick to go to school?
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You’re already running late, and your child emerges from the bedroom, still in pajamas, uttering the dreaded words, “I’m sick.” You give her a once over. She looks fine. She was coughing last night, and she’s a little pale, but she’s also clutching her stomach a little too dramatically. Is she really sick, or is this a classic attempt to get out of school? It’s an age-old question: when is a kid too sick to go to school? Thankfully, there are some guidelines to use when deciding whether or not to keep your child home from school. Your child should stay home if she has one of the following:
✓✓A fever of 100 degrees or more
✓✓Vomiting ✓✓Frequent diarrhea
✓✓Hacking cough ✓✓Earache ✓✓Widespread rash ✓✓Extreme headache
A child should be kept home if she is too uncomfortable to be able to learn at school or if she is contagious to others. Mild cold or allergy symptoms, like coughing, sneezing, or a runny nose is not reason enough to keep a child home. Allowing a child to stay home for minor symptoms sends the wrong message and doesn’t help a child learn to cope with discomfort. Sometimes immersion in school activities with friends is all it takes to help your child feel better. When in doubt, send them out. If you’ve made the wrong call, the school nurse will let you know that you need to come pick your child up from school.
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Get Your Vegan On Celebrity chef Attila Hildmann dispels vegan fears and gives you hot tips to jumpstart healthy eating habits.
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Attila Hildmann is a 33-year-old self-taught vegan chef and author. He’s dedicated to promoting veganism as a means to drastically improve one’s health, to whatever extent you’re willing to incorporate it into your diet. A well-known fitness and health figure in Germany, Attila has revolutionized the second-largest diet book market in the world with his groundbreaking ideologies. Attila’s path to veganism began with his father’s sudden death due to a heart attack. Attila learned as much as possible about healthy eating and fitness, changed his own lifestyle to lose 77 pounds and drastically lower his cholesterol, and shared his personal and studied knowledge with the world. Attila has since written several cookbooks including Vegan for Fun and Vegan for Fit to highlight the delicious and creative meals available while maintaining a vegan lifestyle.
PHOTO: SIMON VOLLMEYER/ATTILA HILDMANN
BY AT TIL A HILDMANN
While we think it’s easy to incorporate family and kid-friendly vegan recipes into your repertoire, we know it can be a struggle to get the kids on board. Try Attila’s terrific tips for getting your kids involved (and interested) in what they eat! ✓✓ Supervise (safety first!), but let your kids help you in the kitchen. Involve them in basics like cutting veggies or peeling oranges. That way they get a feeling for real food. ✓✓ Make it fun to eat healthy. Do your kids love burgers, fries, and an ice cold milkshake? You can prepare delicious, vegan versions of their favorites! ✓✓ Don’t preach! Never force your kids into your eating beliefs. Let them choose. Once they start eating healthy, they’ll understand how good it is to eat a delicious, well-balanced vegan diet. No need for pressure! ✓✓ Baking is a great way to get your kids to love vegan foods. If you substitute butter with organic margarine or whipped cream with soy whip, they won’t even be able to tell the difference. And kids love to cut out cookies and knead dough for cakes and cupcakes. ✓✓ It’s all about the look: make it attractive to eat veggies. Your kids love pasta dishes? Get yourself a spiralizer with which you can make delicious crunchy pasta out of zucchini, beetroot, or carrots.
✓✓Throw away processed sweets like gummy bears, cookies, or candies, and offer healthy alternatives like sundried fruits, granola bars, roasted nuts, and kale chips. The earlier they start to eat it, the healthier they will be in the future! ✓✓ Worried about nutrients? Not a problem. Stay in touch with your family doctor and keep an eye on Vitamin B12, Vitamin D, iodine, and iron levels. ✓✓Don’t fear it. When we think of vegan children, most of us get freaked out because we think we‘re doing something bad to our kids. But fruits, veggies, nuts, quinoa, and other healthy grains are rich in protein, are healthy, and are pure power foods. Shouldn’t we be freaking out about the fact that many kids eat junk and fast food and drink sugary beverages? We do face a huge obesity problem in this country and that certainly doesn’t exist because our kids eat too many veggies and quinoa! Want to get started? Attila has four recipes to get you and your family on board.
Attila’s Spaghetti WITH TOFU BOLOGNESE
PREPARATION TIME: 25 MINUTES Mash the tofu with a fork. Peel and finely chop the onion and garlic cloves. Heat the olive oil in a saucepan and fry the tofu approx. 5 minutes, stirring often. Add the onions and sauté for 2 minutes. Then add the garlic and sauté for an additional 2 minutes. Add the tomato paste and cook for 2 minutes while stirring. Deglaze with red wine and cook for 4 minutes allowing the sauce to thicken. Cook the spaghetti according to the package instructions in an ample amount of wellsalted water until the spaghetti is al dente.
In the meantime, add the tomato pureé, agave syrup, and oregano to the spaghetti sauce. Allow to simmer for 3 minutes, and then season with salt and pepper. Wash the basil, spin dry, finely chop the leaves, and then fold into the sauce. Allow the spaghetti to drain in a sieve. Place on plates with the Bolognese. Toast the pine nuts for 3 minutes in a dry skillet and grind 2⁄3 of the pine nuts together with the nutritional yeast flakes and a little sea salt to a powder in a blender. Sprinkle over the pasta and garnish with the remaining pine nuts.
AH! “Rule number one for tofu: fry it well so that the wobbly consistency disappears. Be careful. For this recipe, it’s essential that you do everything in the correct order. If you reverse the order and add the red wine to the tofu before adding the tomato paste, the sauce will turn violet instead of red.”
PHOTO: SIMON VOLLMEYER/ATTILA HILDMANN
INGREDIENTS FOR 2 SERVINGS ∞∞ 9 ounces tofu (250 g) ∞∞ 1 onion ∞∞ 2 garlic cloves ∞∞ 3 1⁄2 tablespoons olive oil (50 mL) ∞∞ 4 tablespoons tomato paste ∞∞ 2⁄3 cup dry red wine (150 mL) ∞∞ 9 ounces durum spaghetti (250 g) ∞∞ Sea salt ∞∞ 5.5 ounces tomato pureé (150 g) ∞∞ 1–2 teaspoons agave syrup (or raw ∞∞ cane sugar) ∞∞ 1 teaspoon dried oregano ∞∞ Freshly ground black pepper ∞∞ 1 bunch basil ∞∞ 1⁄3 cup pine nuts (50 g) ∞∞ 1⁄4 cup nutritional yeast flakes (50 g)
CRISPY TOFU NUGGETS With Homemade Curry Ketchup
Curry Ketchup: ∞∞ Juice from 1⁄2 lemon ∞∞ 2⁄3 cup tomato paste (140 g) ∞∞ 2 tablespoons agave syrup ∞∞ 1 teaspoon curry powder ∞∞ 2 tablespoons olive oil ∞∞ Sea salt ∞∞ Freshly ground black pepper PREPARATION TIME: 25 MINUTES For the nuggets, stir the flour together with the raw cane sugar, sea salt, and 6 tablespoons (90 mL) water until the batter is smooth. Finely crumble the cornflakes. Cut the tofu into slices that are just under ó inch (1 cm), and then use a knife to shape the tofu into nuggets. Dip the nuggets in the batter and then coat them with the cornflakes. Heat the
vegetable oil in a deep fryer or a small saucepan. You’ll know the oil is hot enough if you dip a wooden toothpick into the oil and small bubbles float up to the top around the toothpick. Fry the nuggets approx. 3 minutes. Transfer to a plate lined with paper towels to drain. For the curry ketchup, mix all of the ingredients with 3 tablespoons water. Serve with the nuggets.
AH! “If you don’t want to deep fry the nuggets, you can also fry them in a skillet. Just fry them on all sides in 2⁄3 cup (80 mL) vegetable oil until they are golden brown.”
PHOTO: SIMON VOLLMEYER/ATTILA HILDMANN
INGREDIENTS FOR 2 SERVINGS Tofu nuggets: ∞∞ 1⁄4 cup all-purpose flour (65 g) ∞∞ 1 teaspoon raw cane sugar ∞∞ 1 teaspoon sea salt ∞∞ 2 3⁄4 cups unsweetened cornflakes ∞∞ (100 g) ∞∞ 14 ounces tofu (400 g) ∞∞ 2 cups vegetable oil (500 mL)
BEST GRANOLA BARS In town
PREPARATION TIME: 20 MINUTES PLUS 13 MINUTES BAKE TIME AND 30 MINUTES COOLING TIME Preheat the oven to 350°F (180°C). While stirring, toast the rolled oats and hazelnuts in a non-stick skillet over medium heat approx. 10 minutes. Coarsely chop the dried bananas and crumble the cornflakes. Mix these ingredients well with the agave syrup, soy cream, raw cane sugar, vanilla, flour, and 2 pinches of sea salt. Spread the mixture out on a baking sheet (approx. 15.5 x 14 inches or 40 x 36 cm) lined with parchment paper so that it is just under . inch (5 mm) thick. Place a second piece of parchment paper that is the same size as the baking sheet on
top of the mixture. Use your hands or a rolling pin to smooth the mixture out and press it down so that it will hold together. Bake the mixture with the parchment paper on top in a hot oven approx. 13 minutes. Allow to cool for 30 minutes. Melt the dark chocolate over a hot water bath. To do this, bring some water to a boil in a saucepan and then reduce to medium heat. Allow the chocolate to melt in a metal bowl over the water bath. The metal bowl shouldn’t come into contact with the water bath. Cut the mixture into bars that are approx. 4.5 x 2 inches (12 x 5 cm) and dip individually into the melted chocolate. Then place each bar on a sheet of parchment paper to dry.
AH! “When I made some of the recipes for the staff at my publishing company, this recipe was one of everybody’s favorites!”
PHOTO: SIMON VOLLMEYER/ATTILA HILDMANN
INGREDIENTS FOR APROX. 24 BARS ∞∞ 2 3⁄4 cups rolled oats (250 g) ∞∞ 3⁄4 cup chopped hazelnuts (100 g) ∞∞ 1 cup dried bananas (80 g) ∞∞ 1 3⁄4 cups cornflakes (60 g) ∞∞ 2⁄3 cup agave syrup (150 mL) ∞∞ 4 tablespoons soy cream (e.g., Soyatoo!) ∞∞ 1⁄2 tablespoon raw cane sugar ∞∞ 2 teaspoons ground vanilla ∞∞ 2 tablespoons flour ∞∞ Sea salt ∞∞ 7 ounces dark chocolate (200g, 50% cocoa)
INGREDIENTS FOR 2 PEOPLE Pumpkin Fries: ∞∞ 1 small Hokkaido pumpkin (750 g) ∞∞ 1 level teaspoon freshly chopped ∞∞ rosemary leaves ∞∞ 3 tablespoons olive oil ∞∞ 1⁄2 teaspoon paprika ∞∞ 1 level teaspoon gyros seasoning ∞∞ 1 level teaspoon iodized sea salt Pea Yogurt Dip: ∞∞ 1 2⁄3 cups frozen peas (200 g) ∞∞ Iodized sea salt ∞∞ 1 red onion ∞∞ 1 tablespoon olive oil ∞∞ 1 teaspoon curry powder
∞∞ Grated peel of 1⁄2 organic lemon ∞∞ 2⁄3 cup plain soy yogurt (150 g) Avocado Blood Orange Dip: ∞∞ 2 avocados ∞∞ 1 organic blood orange ∞∞ Iodized sea salt Basil Ketchup: ∞∞ 1 white onion ∞∞ 1 garlic clove ∞∞ About 23 cherry tomatoes (350 g) ∞∞ 1⁄2 bunch basil ∞∞ 2 sun-dried tomatoes in oil ∞∞ 3 tablespoons olive oil ∞∞ 2 tablespoons white wine vinegar ∞∞ 2 rounded tablespoons tomato paste ∞∞ 1 level teaspoon iodized sea salt ∞∞ 1 tablespoon agave syrup
PHOTO: SIMON VOLLMEYER/ATTILA HILDMANN
PUMPKIN FRIES with 3 dips
PREPARATION TIME: APPROX. 25 MINUTES Preheat oven to 480°F (250°C). Wash the pumpkin. Cut it in half and then scoop out the seeds with a tablespoon. Cut the pumpkin into quarters and use a sharp knife to cut into fries. Mix all other ingredients together with the pumpkin. Distribute evenly onto a baking sheet lined with parchment paper and bake on the highest rung in the oven for approx. 15–17 minutes, until the fries are golden brown. Put the Hokkaido fries into cones made out of parchment paper and serve with dip. PREPARATION PER DIP: APPROX. 15 MINUTES Pea Yogurt Dip For the Pea Yogurt Dip, cook the peas in well-salted boiling water with a little salt approx. 3 minutes and then drain. Peel and finely chop the onion. Heat olive oil in a skillet and cook onion with curry powder for 3 minutes. Coarsely pureé 3⁄4 of the peas with the lemon peel in a tall, narrow container. Mix in the soy yogurt, the remaining peas, and the curry onions. Season with salt.
Avocado Blood Orange Dip For the Avocado Blood Orange Dip, halve the avocados and remove the pits. With a tablespoon, scoop out the pulp and place it in a bowl. Wash the blood orange with hot water, dry it off, and finely grate 1⁄4 of the peel. Squeeze 3 tablespoons of juice from the orange. Pureé the juice and peel with the avocado in a blender. Season with salt. Basil Ketchup For the ketchup, peel and finely chop the onion and garlic. Wash and halve the cherry tomatoes. Wash the basil, shake dry, and finely chop the leaves. Allow most of the liquid to drain from the sun-dried tomatoes and then finely chop. Heat olive oil in a skillet and cook onion and garlic approx. 3 minutes. Add the cherry tomatoes and cook approx. 6 minutes, while stirring. Remove from heat and purée with white wine vinegar, tomato paste, salt, and agave syrup. If desired, season with salt. Fold in basil and sun-dried tomatoes and put in the refrigerator to cool.
AH! “Don’t cut the fries too thick and make sure to take them out of the oven when they turn golden brown. Then they’ll be nice and crispy.”
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HOLIDAY FUN
ForLess
Saving money during the holidays doesn’t mean you need to be a Grinch!
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The holidays can be hectic, but they also present a multitude of opportunities for fun family togetherness. Check out some of these low or no cost ideas to make the holidays meaningful for you and your family:
SSTour the neighborhood to take SSCarol at a nursing home SSGo ice-skating SSTake your kids to a coffee
house for a hot chocolate treat
SSMake fleece tie blankets for a local unit of Project Linus
SSFeed the birds SSGo sledding SSDonate goods to a homeless
shelter or a shelter for victims of domestic violence
SSHost a neighborhood open house or potluck party
SSUse graham crackers and
candy to make gingerbread houses
SSMake and deliver cookies to
shut-ins, fire houses, or other community establishments
SSHelp with a food drive SSMake homemade gifts and
ornaments, either for yourself or for others
SSWrite letters or send postcards to far-flung family members
SSDonate hats, gloves, or gentlyused coats to the needy
Visit our website for even more ideas for holiday fun on a budget or to share your own!
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in the Christmas lights
PHOTO: DOLGACHOV/THINKSTOCK
TATTLE [tat-l] Reality: The thing we tell our kids not to do, but are secretly grateful for because without it, their brother or sister might be in the hospital right now.
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