Oct/Nov
2014
EXPLAINING
DEATH TO YOUR KIDS
FURRY FAMILY ADDITION
7
COMFORTS COLLEGE STUDENTS MISS ABOUT HOME
SUCCESSFUL
CO-PARENTING AFTER DIVORCE
contents Contents ON THE COVER
{Tap any title to jump to an article!}
AND MORE… “A” is for Advice - Locker Room Woes Blow the whistle on bullying, without getting penalized for unnecessary roughness.
Why this family took the puppy plunge, and things to consider before you do!
Successful Co-Parenting After Divorce
Advanced planning, list making, and inventive packing will keep your family on-the-go!
Even after a marriage ends, family endures. One woman shares her story of successful co-parenting after her split.
10 Tips for Avoiding Parent Burnout
Explaining Death to Your Kids
These 10 tips will get you moving—and keep you sane. (Remember, you’re important, too!)
What do you tell your kids when it’s time to say “goodbye”?
7 Comforts College Students Miss About Home Witnessed a change in your college-bound kid? Don’t worry—sometimes there’s really no place like home.
FEATURES Simple and Effective Family Budgeting Desperate to save but unsure of how to start? Look no further!
Entertaining Children While Working From Home Flexibility, patience, and multi-tasking—the mantra of a workfrom-home mom.
7 Easy Tips for a Greener Life Living green doesn’t have to be difficult—or expensive.
Happy Peanut Butter Lover’s Month! Are you crazy for peanut butter? Celebrate Peanut Butter Month with a little history lesson and some tasty treats!
Oreo® Ice Cream Sandwiches
A simple acronym can help you and your family stay safe during emergency situations.
Have some extra freezer space? These four-step ice cream sandwiches will delight your taste buds.
10 Ways to Unlock Cinema Satisfaction
Fall Fun for Families
Want to see the latest blockbuster without blowing up your wallet? Check out these budget-friendly theater tips.
Four autumn-theme activities for you and your family to enjoy.
It’s Time to Meet EDITH
COVER PHOTO: STOCKBYTE/THINKSTOCK
Furry Family Addition
Festive Flights: A Grown Ups Guide to Airport Adventures
Carissa Pelletier PUBLISHER & EDITOR-IN-CHIEF ASSOCIATE EDITOR
Jennifer Anderson GRAPHIC DESIGNERS
Alvaro Beleza Livia Beleza CONTRIBUTING EDITOR
Crystal Plante CONTRIBUTORS
Allison Lowe Cory Pawar Cyndi Wright Diane Pawar, PhD Kristin Personette Priscilla Craven Sadie Lankford Tammy Spodek
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When I Grow Up Thanksgiving is a holiday I can really get behind, even though it’s not observed globally. In the United States, we commonly trace Thanksgiving’s history to the 1600s, when English Pilgrims and Puritans first settled parts of what’s now Massachusetts. These settlers practiced Days of Fasting (to mitigate what was perceived as divine tragedy) and Days of Thanksgiving (to celebrate what was perceived as divine fortune). Days of Thanksgiving often coincided with successful harvests. Our modern Thanksgiving marries the settlers’ practice of gratitude to harvest festival traditions. We mimic the holiday’s roots by preparing feasts for friends and family to symbolize the cornucopia of blessings in our lives. Many of us use Thanksgiving as an opportunity to thank our loved ones for their support. Ambitious folks across the country line up for Turkey Trots—5K races with a turkey and family-focused theme. We also watch football, the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade, and classic Christmas movies. We polish off an extra slice or two of pumpkin pie. In many ways, it’s a day to relax and indulge. In this issue we invite you to explore successful co-parenting and the ups and downs of adding a furry friend to your family. We offer practical solutions for explaining death to little ones, stretching your dollar, keeping kids busy while you work from home, and avoiding parental burnout.
Carissa Pelletier Editor-In-Chief
PHOTO: CAMARIE CALLARI
Thanksgiving is a celebration of hard work and good fortune, a triumph of the (tangible and intangible) bounty we’ve reaped over the previous year. It’s a reminder that we shouldn’t take anything for granted. I know that I’m thankful for you. Readers, I challenge you to actively practice gratitude on a day-to-day basis, ensuring that your friends, family, and coworkers know that you appreciate what they do.
We Asked... What are your favorite tips for teaching children manners? Or share a story with us of kids and etiquette gone wrong! Do unto others... I try to be an example to my children at all times, which includes being polite even when deep down you feel the urge to no be. Thumper said it best: “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say nothing at all.”
Setting a good example is KEY! Children learn by what they see! – SARA P.
The best way is being a role model yourself. – TATANISHA PITTSWORTHEY
Do not accept anything less than good manners at home. If you want something you must say please and when you’re given something you must say thank you. Using your own good manners as an example in addition makes it normal and natural for kids.
We teach so much by example. Using your own manners in a calm and natural way every day and expecting it from your children is the best way for a child to learn. They need to learn at home at the dinner table and also have the chance to try it out in public. It worked out beautifully for me with my now young adult children.
– JEN ST GERMAIN LEEMAN
– WENDY WALKER CUSHING
PHOTO: EXCLUSIVE VISUAL/THINKSTOCK
– JANA SEITZER
For a long time, encouraging our son to say “please” and “thank you” felt like it was going nowhere. But he’s finally learned what “apologize” means, and he’s showing manners without being prompted. Continued reinforcement really works! – JULIE O’NEILL JOHNSTON Starting early is the best tip. I started off with simple things like greeting saying good morning every morning, saying please and thank you, etc.. and then built on that as my son got older. – DIANE NASSY
I like teaching “please” and “thank you” from an early age. We start around 10 months and teach manners early! – TAYLOR SPEIKERS
Explain to them what is expected, and if they are rude or throw a tantrum, send them to the corner or their room and let them know they can return “When you are ready to be sweet”. Stick to it or it doesn’t work, and ask other adults who try to give them a pass to please help you by not saying it’s “Not a big deal, they are just kids”…it’s important to raise polite kids!
Set a good example!! You cannot expect your children to respect you or others if you aren’t showing them respect. – KATIE HALE
I totally agree with all the others: Set a good example! – MARYBETH HAMILTON
Add Your Thoughts!
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– PENELOPE GUZMAN
PHOTO: WILLIAM GIAKAS/THINKSTOCK
“A”is for Advice
BY CRYSTAL PL ANTE
Blow the whistle on bullying, without getting penalized for unnecessary roughness.
LOCKER ROOM WOES
Q: My twelve year old son has never
shown an interest in sports before, but he decided to join the school football team. It turns out he’s pretty good at it, but there have been a number of problems in the locker room. The other boys are harassing him after every practice. The coach knows this is going on but isn’t doing anything about it. I want to go talk to the coach, but my son is begging me to let it go. What do I do?
A: There is no mistaking the important
role sports can play in a child’s life. Students who participate in sports are less likely to abuse drugs and alcohol, have better self-esteem, and understand the importance of time-management. But sports also have a culture of their own which can include hazing. As much as you want to swoop in and save your son, take a deep breath before planning your next move. While you shouldn’t ignore the behavior, charging into the locker room to demand justice might paint a bigger bull’s-eye on your son. There is also the possibility that your son, while not lying, is only telling his side of the story. He may be playing along with the boys’ teasing to gain acceptance. (Think like a twelve-yearold boy and you’ll see where I’m coming from.) Besides that, coaching is a difficult, often thankless, job. Directing blame and hostility at the coach probably will not get you the desired results. Remember: a good offense is often the best defense. With that in mind, call and schedule an appointment to meet with the coach at a time when none of the boys are present. Tell the coach how much your son is enjoying football and the benefits you’re seeing from his participation. This approach shows the coach that you’re not there to wage war on him. Then move on to your concerns. Let him know what
your son has told you. Calmly and politely ask the coach if he or she will talk to the players about the inappropriate behavior and ask how the locker room can be monitored to prevent further issues. Listen to what the coach tells you with an open mind. Remember: your son may not be telling you the whole story. Conclude the meeting by thanking the coach for his time and discretion, and state that you’ll be following up on the problem. Whether or not the coach did really know what was going on, this lets him know that you are not going to let it go. Give it a few days to make sure the coach follows through. Hopefully the locker room harassment ends so that your son can relax and enjoy football. If the situation doesn’t change, gets worse, or if the coach “punishes” your son for your intervention, appeal to the principal or athletic director. Part of sports is learning to work together as a team; getting a handle on the situation calmly and rationally can only make the team stronger.
Want to ask any of our experts for advice? Visit our Ask a Question page to submit your dilemma!
Add Your Thoughts!
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Furry Family
Addition BY TAMMY SPODEK
Why this family took the puppy plunge, and things to consider before you do!
Every boy (girl) should have two things: a dog, and a mother willing to let him have one. — Anonymous
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As I write this, I am not sure if I am crazy, a glutton for punishment, a pushover, or a combination of all three. Nunzio, a ten-week-old Coton de Tulear puppy, is staring at me from his still-smells-likenew plush bed. We’ve just spent thirty minutes in the thick, Houston heat to try and encourage an outdoor potty routine. How did I get here? I have four kids: three older children between the ages of eight and eleven, and one little booger, aged three. Our ten-year old has been asking for a puppy since she could say “puppy.” We had long ago promised her that she would have a dog while still young enough to enjoy one. However, we were committed to waiting until our sweet little one was officially a member of the big-boy-underwear club. Little has just recently completed potty training. As most parents will tell you, when your youngest child finally enters the world of the restroom-users, you feel a bit like you have your life back. Your purse gets smaller for lack of diapers/pull-ups and wipes; you no longer have to find public bathrooms with changing areas that are clean enough to lie itty bitty baby or giant toddler upon (a near impossibility); and you don’t find yourself wondering at odd moments, “Do I smell poop?” or— even worse—“Is that my child?” So, just as we started enjoying our diaper-free moment in the sun, we
took the plunge and purchased a pet. After years of research, we arrived at an appropriate, hypo-allergenic (one child is allergic), not big, but not-too-small breed. We located a reputable breeder, and here we are. Our furry addition is exactly the cuddly, adorable, playful, and easy-going pup we all envisioned entering our lives. But he is also not house-trained – a major thorn in the side of this busy mom who is now practically chained to the dog’s hip for fear of piddles and messes. And, he is not always at his most adorable, especially when we have to walk him in the rain through muddy puddles. His teeny bladder can only hold on for about three to four hours between potty trips. Our ten-year old was emphatic about her ability to take responsibility for the dog, but her dedication is lacking. I’ll give you one guess who listens for the gentle knock on the crate door at 3 a.m. that says, “I need to go!!” But even with all the angst, I know our family is truly complete now that we have our fur-baby to love, snuggle, and clean up after. For families out there who are wrestling with the big “Should we get a pet?” question, here are a few tips before you walk down the path to puppy (or any other animal) parenthood:
Make sure the child who wants the animal is ready to be the caregiver Our ten-year old finally appears capable of handling another living thing. I say this with some trepidation as there are still many days when I need to remind her to brush her teeth and take a shower. But, she is incredibly maternal, has read every book a ten-year old could devour about proper dog care and training, and we knew if we didn’t act quickly, we’d be giving her a puppy just in time for college! Since our puppy has come home, our ten-year old has not left the pup’s side. She slept on a blow-up mattress beside Nunzio’s crate; occasionally helped walk him at 3 a.m. to avoid any inside accidents; has handled all feedings; and has devoted hours to cuddling and play. I hope it continues. I am counting on some slow-down, but even if she keeps up half this pace, all will be well.
seemed excited about having something smaller and furrier around than himself. Once everyone voiced some support, we knew it was time to take the plunge.
Do your research Shelters are often the best way to go for families who are seeking a new furry companion. I encourage families to try that route first as it is always a positive experience to rescue an abandoned or orphaned animal. If going with a breeder, whether because of a specific allergy or size concerns, or because you may want to show your dog, be careful. There are many puppy mills that pose as breeders, and there are many first-time breeders who lack the experience necessary to avoid breed pitfalls/genetic issues. Ask
We didn’t think it would be a good idea to add a furry family member unless/until every existing human family member was completely on board. This wasn’t easy; our eight- and elevenyear old are skittish around dogs. Valuable time with friends’ and cousins’ dogs eased their minds and showed them the greatness that is animal love. Our little one did not have as much of a say, but he
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Make sure the other kids want the animal just as much
Remember the commitment and the LOVE If you know your little one desperately wants a pet, but you don’t see yourself owning and caring for a dog fifteen years down the line — you may want to inspire your child to choose a different pet. There’s a world of creatures out there: fish, reptiles, amphibians, hamsters, gerbils, and guinea pigs. The list is endless. Know what you are prepared to commit to, and show your animal love and kindness.
Whoever said you can’t buy happiness forgot about little puppies. — Gene Hill
I have four kids, a husband, and a puppy. Am I nuts? Clearly. But I’m crazy happy too! I know my kids’ new fur-brother will be a delightful—albeit stressful and effort-inducing—addition to our family. The smiles on my kids’ faces and the smile on Nunzio’s puppy face are all I need to know we made the right choice. Now—if you’ll excuse me, my little one needs his underwear “inside-outed,” my big kids need dinner, and my Add Your Thoughts! fur-baby needs another potty excursion. That’s happiness.
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lots of questions. When possible, meet the breeder and their dogs and talk to owners of past puppies from the breeder you select. Finally, try to select the puppy that best fits your family in terms of temperament and personality, not looks.
SUCCESSFUL CO-PARENTING
After Divorce BY ALLISON LOWE
PHOTO: OMGIMAGES/THINKSTOCK
Even after a marriage ends, family endures. One woman shares her story of successful co-parenting after her split.
We were married for almost ten years, and during that time, we learned how to communicate. Though we had differences we could not overcome and hurts that could not be healed, we knew how to put the most important thing first—the safety of our children. Our children never asked to be brought into the world with all its problems, and we figure the least we can do is shelter them from our own. My ex
and I believe that it’s our responsibility to keep them as secure and safe as possible. We have confused our families because there’s no animosity, boggled our friends because we live in the same house, and shocked co-workers because of how calmly we speak about our exes. But by amicably maintaining our relationship as parents, if not as husband and wife, our children remain relaxed. On most days, they’re all smiles. I personally believe this was due to the slow nature of our parting. We both knew it was coming, but we kept it very quiet. First we moved our bedrooms. Over the course of years, we’d alternate spending more time with our parents or friends. The divorce was quiet—a sigh rather than
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I
I am a single mother of two children, aged nine and five—who works a full-time, overnight job, who dates, has a social life, and also occasionally has time to read a book. My children are well cared for and want for nothing every hour of the day. How do I pull off this amazing feat? It’s quite simple: I’m best friends with my ex-husband.
an explosion. And even when we started seeing other people, it was gentle. Our children understood that we had friends, and that sometimes those friends would come over for dinner. Our children saw that everyone was calm, caring, and comfortable, mommy and daddy included.
them into it slowly. We talk about having two houses. We take our children on trips to places where I might move so that they can become accustomed to it. We’ve planted the seeds of new lives and adventures in their minds so that real change will be less of a shock.
Despite this, we still have a somewhat traditional setup for shared custody. We trade weekend responsibilities with the children. We share the cost of living and the responsibilities of school and other events. And of course, we make sure that we are on the same page in discipline, and that we never, ever badmouth each other in front of the children. It can be a challenging endeavor. Our daughter struggles through school. With me working, my husband has to step up to the plate and help with homework. Unfortunately, his job keeps him busy, and he sometimes forgets or doesn’t have time. Inevitably, her grades will start to slip. Instead of pointing fingers or placing blame, we had a long, frank discussion about our daughter’s needs and his ability to feasibly meet them. We finally agreed that I would have to find a way to help because it clearly wasn’t his forte. In turn, he helps more in other areas.
We coordinate our schedules. We communicate our needs and wants, but we put those of our children first. In the end, we compromise so that everything works out as smoothly as it can.
We are cognizant of the fact that, one day, we may need to move, particularly if we find someone new to share our lives with. By recognizing that this change will rock our worlds, especially our children’s, we have once more decided to ease
I have never understood the animosity between some divorced couples who have children. While there are always extenuating circumstances, many divorces are simply the result of incompatibility or growing apart. I will always love the father of my children, in some special way. I loved him enough to create these two little lives with him, after all, and he feels the same. We owe it to our children to show them how mature adults should act, even when they are no longer married. Our lifestyle may be somewhat outside the norm, but it’s taught our children many important life lessons: discussion and communication are more important than being “right.” People can have many different relationships while still caring and respecting Add Your others. Partnerships Thoughts! come in all shapes and sizes, and parenting is no different.
FESTIVE FLIGHTS:
A Grown Ups Guide to Airport Adventures
PHOTO: DIGITAL VISION/THINKSTOCK
Advanced planning, list making, and inventive packing will keep your family on-the-go!
E
Every fall I start thinking about where we’ll be going for the holidays. When I was growing up, holidays were often blissfully travel-free. Our house was the de facto destination for friends and families: a guarantee of spare rooms, home-cooked meals, festive decorations, and presents under the tree. On rare occasions when we did travel, we spontaneously piled into the family minivan with a cooler of snacks, overstuffed backpacks, and activity books. It never seems that easy anymore. Our increasingly globalized families and jam-packed schedules make advanced planning essential, particularly when airplanes and tight budgets are involved. According to CheapAir. com, you’ll save the most money (on average) by booking a flight fifty-four days in advance. My partner and I sync calendars, request time off, arrange pet sitters, and then carefully monitor travel sites for the best deals within CheapAir’s suggested timeframe. Depending on your brood, it may be prudent to select a non-stop flight rather than a flight with multiple connections. This approach minimizes travel time as well as opportunities for losing items (or children). Our car-to-gate survival strategy requires advanced planning as well. To save money and prevent lost luggage, we eschew checking bags and employ creative uses of carry-ons and three-ounce containers. We endeavor to keep everyone fed and hydrated
without buying overpriced airport food. (Hint: Bring empty water bottles through security and fill them when you get to your gate. Ziploc® baggies filled with easy-to-grab snacks are great, too.) We equip each child with a small “personal item” (e.g., backpack) that includes a favorite book or toy, sugar-free gum, a blanket, and a host of activities to keep them busy. And because we’re tethered to our devices, we’re constantly triple checking to ensure we have tablets, smartphones, computers, headphones, and gaming systems— with the accompanying chargers, of course. How do we stay sane? The truth is, we don’t. I’m not above small bribes to guarantee good behavior. We do our best to prepare by making extensive checklists a month in advance of our trip. By letting the list direct our priorities, we free ourselves from uncertainty. In addition, the list guides our packing protocol, ensuring that nothing crucial is left behind. It details everything from pairs of underwear to binkies to types of shoes to toothbrushes. Once the item is packed (or carefully laid out on the bed), it’s crossed off the list. We’re also looking into TSA Pre✓™, which lets you apply for U.S. Department of Homeland Security Trusted Traveler status. Once approved, you’re allowed you to keep your belts, shoes, jackets, liquids, and laptops on your person or in your
Stay calm. Regularly remind the kids that they’ll be going on an adventure so that they, too, can get their brains in gear. And trust your gut. You’ll know whether your family can brave an airport during the holidays, or whether it’ll just be easier to drive. And you know what? It’s okay to stay home, too. But whatever you decide, Add Your don’t leave your Thoughts! packing ‘til the last minute—you’ll thank me later.
We do our best to prepare by making extensive checklists a month in advance of our trip. By letting the list direct our priorities, we free ourselves from uncertainty.
PHOTO: VALUA VITALY/THINKSTOCK
carry-on during security screening. If you ask me, that’s a real gift when you’re trying to shepherd little ones through long, cranky lines. The lengthy application process might not be appropriate for your family (or your budget; it costs $85 per person), but if you’re a frequent flyer, check it out.
PHOTO: FUSE/THINKSTOCK
7
Comforts College Students Miss About Home
Witnessed a change in your college-bound kid? Don’t worry —sometimes there’s really no place like home. BY CORY PAWAR
O
Once your kids get a taste of the college experience, everything changes. They’re suddenly accustomed to making their own decisions, eating what they’d like, and creating their own schedules. In short,
they’re used to living outside your rules, and they’re practicing being adults. Before you succumb to despair (or empty nest syndrome), take heart: there will always be home comforts that college can’t replicate.
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PERMANENCE. Living on campus often necessitates shared housing that rotates on a yearly basis, making it difficult to personalize one’s space. Roommates inadvertently move items or redecorate while your kid is out. It can be pretty frustrating when that Chinese food she was hoping to eat later isn’t there when she gets back. Home represents a comforting constant.
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PRIVACY. Most dorm experiences seek to build community, and that’s fantastic. But the same elements that contribute to community building—roommates, group activities, communal showers, shared laundry, and uncomfortably thin walls— also mean that privacy is nonexistent. If your kid comes home and immediately locks himself in his room, it’s probably the first time he’s been able to relax without interruption in months. Let him enjoy it for a day or two so that he’s thankful for his space.
more than stalls, barely big enough for washing, rinsing, and shaving. (It doesn’t help that you need to wear foot protection and tote your toiletries around, either.) At home, your child can sprawl out on his own bed and take an unhurried shower. College makes kids appreciate the square footage of home.
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FURRY FRIENDS. Most dorms unilaterally ban pets, with occasional exceptions made for small fish tanks. If your child is close to her dog, cat, bird, or rabbit, she’ll probably be thrilled to spend some time with her friend again. (Your pet will probably be happier, too.)
HOME-COOKED MEALS. While many schools boast nutritious, gourmet meal options, most menus still rotate on a monthly basis, and may not provide the most exciting options for kids on special diets. You know what your child loves, and he’ll be pumped to come home and feast on PEACE AND QUIET. The reality of college his favorites. You can build extra cred with life is noisy, even if your kid is lucky enough your kid (and his friends) by sending care to have considerate roommates. There packages, too. might be a party happening upstairs, a hallway Frisbee game at midnight, or a BUILT-IN NURSING. Being sick at school neighbor playing video games until three is miserable: your child is suddenly a.m. Chances are good that, unless your kid responsible for her own care, including has rambunctious younger siblings, she’ll finding transportation to the school relish the opportunity to luxuriate in quiet. infirmary, hospital, or pharmacy. She needs to navigate missed classwork, medication, CREATURE COMFORTS. Remember and cold compresses, all buying those twin XL sheets? Few students without someone checking get truly comfortable on dorm-room up on her. Your child will Add Your mattresses, especially if they’re on the tall remember your concern Thoughts! end of the spectrum. By the same token, (and chicken soup) with most standard dorm showers are little fondness.
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g n i P d i a o r v e n A t r B o f u r s n p i out T 10
Let’s face it—if you have kids, you’ve probably been there: unshowered, unable to communicate with other adults, and ready to sleep standing up. It happens, regardless of whether you go to work every day or function as the stay-at-home parent. No matter how much you love your kids and enjoy spending time with them, you will battle profound burnout. There will be moments, days, or weeks when you don’t think you can find the
strength to wipe another nose or take another call from the PTA president. Making time for your own needs, even in small doses, can help alleviate and redirect stress—making everyone a lot happier. You’ll also be setting an example for your family that self-care is important. Try incorporating one or two of the below ideas into your daily routine to get yourself motivated and back on track.
ILLUSTRATION: THODORIS_TIBILIS/THINKSTOCK
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These 10 tips will get you moving—and keep you sane. (Remember, you’re important, too!)
1. Exercise
3. Enforce nap/quiet time
You don’t need to schedule a comprehensive workout to feel the mental benefits of exercise. A brisk walk with the stroller, simple stretches, or fifteen minutes of yoga can help you refocus (and sleep better at night). Exercise can also alleviate anxiety, ward off depression, and boost your mood.
Even if your kids are too old for naps, insist on daily quiet time with soft music, puzzles, or books. Set a timer to help enforce this rule. Setting quiet time not only gives you an hour to check e-mails or tackle small chores, but also provides a great reset for your kids—they need downtime, too.
2. Ask for Help
4. 5 Minute Time Outs
Swallow your pride and ask for help; don’t wait until you’re ready to pull your hair out. Your friends and family might be willing to take the kids for an hour, run errands, or cook dinner. Understand that your friends, family, and spouse are not mind readers. You can’t expect them to intuit your needs unless you make them explicitly clear. When you ask for help with a specific task, you’ll often find people who are happy to help.
When the kids are arguing, playing loudly, or just being ridiculous, take a time out. Make sure everyone is safe, explain that you need a quick break, and then remove yourself from the situation.
5. Trade Babysitting Form a group of local stay-athome parents, and rotate babysitting responsibilities. Trade emergency contact information and confirm dates and times to ensure that you’re covered. The best part about trading off is that there’s no money involved—everyone wins.
If you have the time and the money to indulge in a day spa visit, go for it! Otherwise, take the time to give yourself a fresh coat of nail polish, luxuriate in a hot bath, soak your tired feet, or sip hot cocoa with a good book. Do something that makes you feel amazing.
PHOTO: OLGASEA/THINKSTOCK
6. Pamper Yourself
7. Keep Up With Hobbies
9. Say “No”
Giving your all to your family doesn’t mean you have to give up your passions. Carve out time to paint, scrapbook, run, bake, game, or knit— whatever brings you joy. You may even be able to find local classes that give you the opportunity to further your skills or socialize with others.
Do you have too much on your plate? You don’t need to bake five-dozen cookies for the school’s bake sale, sew ten costumes for your son’s play, or join every committee you’re asked to participate in. Prioritize the extra activities in your life so that you can still pitch in without your added responsibilities negatively affecting your family.
Sleep is crucial to your wellbeing. Unless you have new baby that isn’t sleeping through the night, make it a priority to get a solid night’s sleep— even if that means letting dishes stay in the sink until morning.
10. Let it go Sometimes you just need to take one item off of your to-do list. Allow yourself to ignore a non-essential chore or responsibility and Add Your endeavor to start over Thoughts! tomorrow. Grab some takeout, too.
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8. Rest Up
EDITH BY CRYSTAL PL ANTE
A simple acronym can help you and your family stay safe during emergency situations.
PHOTO: SOPHIA APKALIKOV/THINKSTOCK
It’s Time to Meet
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If you and your family don’t know EDITH, your safety might be at risk. EDITH stands for “exit drills in the home,” and experts recommend that all families have a proper escape route for use in emergencies. How important is EDITH? Consider the statistics: 4,000 people die in fires every year, and 80% of those fires are in the home. Of those home fires, the majority occur at night. As formal and intimidating as EDITH sounds, planning is neither time consuming nor difficult. In fact, a plan can be developed in less than half an hour and be modified as necessary with practice. Think about it: thirty minutes of planning may be all it takes to save the lives of your family. EDITH is like an extra insurance policy for your family. Are you ready to welcome EDITH into your home? Follow these three easy steps to get started.
Make a plan Your goal is to develop a definitive plan to use in the event of fire. This plan needs to be a joint effort, which means that each and every family member needs to be present when you create it. Schedule a family meeting and get started. Be sure to consider the following:
✓✓Because most fires occur at night, make sure that you have escape plans from bedrooms in place before you move on to other rooms.
✓✓TIdentify two routes out of every room. Consider the doors primary exits and the windows secondary exits. Is there a room that doesn’t have two exit points? Look for possible ways to create an additional exit, like rearranging the furniture.
✓✓It’s possible that you may be unable to evacuate together, and thus it’s important to have a meeting place for everyone to regroup. Work together to designate an emergency meeting spot
outside the home. A neighbor’s yard, a particular street light, or a prominent landmark are all good options.
✓✓Teach everyone in the home how to get low to avoid smoke, feel closed doors to test for heat before opening, and to stay inside a room and wait for help if the exits are blocked. Point out that fire fighters may look or sound funny in their gear, but it’s important not to hide from them.
✓✓Emphasize the importance of not going back inside the house or building for any reason. Firefighters are trained to rescue people, pets, and possessions safely and will do so when they arrive.
Be prepared Smoke detectors are the best line of defense, but only if they are properly working. Some states, like California, require homes to have at least one smoke detector in each house; other states are more lax. Regardless of the laws, smoke detectors should be
located near bedrooms and on every level of the house, including the basement. Test smoke alarms every month, change the batteries twice a year, and replace the entire alarm every 10 years. Be sure to clean your smoke alarm regularly, as dust and cobwebs can impair functioning of the unit. But having smoke detectors and a plan aren’t enough. You have to practice your plan. Think about schools. Schools are required to hold fire drills on a monthly basis. They often become so routine that students and teachers usually don’t panic when it turns out to be a real emergency. Take a note from schools and put your EDITH plan in action at least twice a year. Vary the time of day of the drill, and use different scenarios to prevent anyone from becoming accustomed to the same exit routes. Easy enough? Here’s a step-by-step plan: 1. Discuss the plan with all family members. Make sure everyone is home and in attendance.
4. Calmly exit the house using the main fire exits. Don’t run. Meet at the designated meeting spot. Try to complete this in less than two minutes.
2. Start the initial fire drill with everyone in their respective bedrooms, pretending to be asleep.
5. Designate someone to pretend calling 911.
3. Initiate the fire drill by sounding the smoke alarm. Everyone in the house should be able to recognize this sound.
6. Go back inside and discuss what worked and what didn’t. Revise the plan as needed.
In addition to smoke alarms and drills, the following practices are recommended:
✓✓ Sleep with doors closed. This provides a barrier and slows the spread of fire. ✓✓ Keep exits clear at all times. This includes the paths to doors and windows. ✓✓ Make sure everyone knows how to open the doors and windows inside the home. Practice unlocking security bars if necessary.
✓✓ Occupants with special needs have special considerations. Their bedrooms should be on the ground floor closest to exits.
✓✓ If exiting from the top floor of a building, children should be evacuated first so they don’t become scared and/or panic when they find themselves alone.
✓✓ Plan an escape route from the upper floors. Special fire ladders can be purchased at hardware stores.
✓✓ Have a functioning fire extinguisher in a convenient location, like in the garage and under the kitchen sink, and train family members in their appropriate use.
Prevention Plans and preparations are great, but fire prevention is also important. Experts recommend the following fire prevention strategies:
✓✓Have heaters and chimneys inspected regularly.
✓✓Make sure furniture and curtains don’t block baseboard heaters.
✓✓Keep portable heaters a safe distance away from furniture and bedding.
✓✓Paints and flammable liquids should be kept in metal containers in a cool location.
✓✓Keep matches and lighters away from children.
✓✓Don’t smoke in bed or while lying down.
✓✓Don’t burn candles unattended.
✓✓Don’t use the oven to heat the home.
✓✓Unplug appliances when not in use.
✓✓Never leaving cooking unattended.
✓✓Use extension cords sparingly.
✓✓Use a lid or baking soda to smother a
✓✓Dispose of fireplace and/or barbecue
grease fire; never throw water on it.
ashes in metal containers.
Sit down with your family and welcome EDITH into your home today. You may find yourself glad you did.
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SIMPLE AND EFFECTIVE
Family Budgeting Desperate to save but unsure of how to start? Look no further!
PHOTO: PURESTOCK/THINKSTOCK
BY SADIE L ANKFORD
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Once you’ve established your goal, you need to make a detailed plan and follow it. Work backwards. If your goal is to buy a house, talk to a loan officer to figure out exactly what you need to do to get to that point. If that means saving $200 a month over the course of the next year, then start there. If that means improving your credit score, start taking steps to do that, too. Keep it simple. While you can easily create multitudes of budget categories, it’s not really necessary—especially if that level of detail will stress you out. Start with three categories—household, debt, and savings—and go from there. Your household category should include your monthly bills and expenditures. The debt category should include any ongoing debt (e.g., student loans, car payments, or mortgage). Your savings category should include your reserve funds. Once you’ve balanced your monthly expenditures and debt against your reserve savings, you can add in how much you can realistically save each month to reach your goal. Don’t worry about keeping track of it on your own—there are plenty of apps out there that can help. You can use a free tracker like this one from Mint.com to automate your budget.
Most importantly, be honest with yourself and your spouse. If you have a spouse or partner, it’s crucial that you’re both openly working toward the same financial goals. Be transparent about your income, expenditures, and recurring bills. Print out your bank statement for the past thirty days and highlight any purchases that involved fast food or impulse buys. More than you expected, right? Once you’ve identified the money you’ve literally thrown away in the past month, it’ll be easier to say “no” to those purchases in the future. Evaluate your budget on a monthly basis and make adjustments where needed. If you’re having trouble saving in one category, see if you can make changes in another. There’s no right or wrong way to save! Leave your budgeting tips in the comments. I’d love to hear them!
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ILLUSTRATION: TADRIAN WINDLE/THINKSTOCK
What do you really want? Maybe you’d like to build a $25,000 emergency account, go on a $5,000 vacation, or put $40,000 down on a new house. The key to sticking to a budget is to decide what you really want and set goals. You might enjoy your daily latte, but if you’re saving for vacation, you need to skip it! Set a realistic goal— buying a house in five years, going to Disneyland next year, getting a newer car in three years—and stick to it.
PHOTO: NADEZHDA1906/THINKSTOCK
Entertaining Children While Working From Home BY CYNDI WRIGHT
Flexibility, patience, and multi-tasking— the mantra of a work-from-home mom.
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Working is hard. Parenting is hard. Parenting and working at the same time? Sometimes it’s pure madness. Before my baby was born, I managed my workload effortlessly. My three-year old spent the majority of her day at preschool, and the house was silent. Things seemed pretty simple. Though I still occasionally felt like there just wasn’t enough time in the day, it seemed consistent with the motherhood I’ve grown to know. Once the new baby came along, things were different by still manageable. I worked my schedule around my baby, and my oldest attended preschool and daycare. Life moved on, and I found my groove. But when I became a small business owner, life changed overnight. I no longer had the luxury of clocking out, or being “unavailable” at certain times.
Lots of flexibility, patience, and multitasking. I wake up around 4:45 a.m. to work out. I either walk a few miles, or I head up the street to Power Hour at Title Boxing. When I start the day with exercise, I am able to have a clear mind, and I feel refreshed by the time the girls wake up. Lately we’ve been hanging out in the garage. I plug in my laptop and accomplish some work while my fiveyear old plays in the driveway. She rides her bike and scooter, plays with pennies, and draws with chalk—all before noon. The baby sleeps well outside, too, for much longer periods than she does indoors. Taking the time to multi-task and keep them entertained in the morning allows me to be more flexible with the remainder of the day. If I’m lucky, I’ve completed most of my work by noon. I then fit in bits and pieces that aren’t as urgent throughout the day until my husband comes home from work. I cook. I clean. I sit down and eat dinner with my family. And oftentimes I work until the wee hours of the morning, only to wake up bright and early to do it all over again.
It’s exhausting. It’s stressful. I love it. I get to grow my very own business, while spending as much time as possible watching my little ones grow. I wouldn’t Add Your change a thing! How do Thoughts! you entertain your kids when you need to get things done?
PHOTO: MONKEY BUSINESS IMAGES/THINKSTOCK
I now work at home—with both my children. How do I manage?
EXPLAINING
Death TO YOUR KIDS BY KRISTIN PERSONET TE
PHOTO: MICHELE PRINCIGALLI/THINKSTOCK
What do you tell your kids when it’s time to say “goodbye”?
Strive for Honesty Although you might want to hide the truth from your kids, it will make things more difficult if you obscure the truth. Rather than telling your kids that someone “went to sleep,” explain that bodies stop working when people are very old, sick, or are in serious accidents. Your kids should know what happens when people die (e.g., they stop breathing, talking, eating, thinking), but not to the point they are scared of dying. Hospice suggests adjusting your explanations based on your children’s ages and developmental maturity. Children who are very young often see death as temporary or impersonal, whereas children approaching their teen years begin to understand that death is permanent.
Answer Questions The death of a loved one will be hard on everyone in the family, including yourself. Because of this, you might want to avoid talking about it. Although this might seem easier emotionally, your children will have questions that are important to answer. Children
need brief answers grounded in simple concepts. Remember: communication occurs even when words aren’t being spoken. Avoiding their questions while you’re still telegraphing grief can confuse or upset them.
Be Gentle Some parents are incredibly harsh with their children when they are trying to explain something. This is one topic where you must be as gentle as possible. Listen to and accept their feelings and fears. Try to channel your own grief or anger into a compassionate, relaxed conversation with your kids. It will be tough, but you can do it.
Prepare Yourself If you think your child asks a lot of questions on a daily basis already, wait until you have this difficult conversation with them. Be prepared for this and plan out what you’d like to discuss. Think through some questions you think they might ask and decide beforehand how you will answer them. If you feel uncertain about how to prepare for this difficult conversation, you might want to talk to family counselor. This will help you better understand how to approach your child about death, and can even help you deal with grief. Though it’s difficult to discuss, death is a normal part of life. Everyone will die; it’s just a matter of when and how. Have you Add Your ever had to talk to your Thoughts! children about death or dying? We’d love for you to share your experiences.
PHOTO: KEITH IKEDA-BARRY
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You work hard to ensure your children have a positive upbringing. You strive to protect them from harm—both physical and emotional. But as much as you’d like to keep them from encountering pain or suffering, it’s impossible. Death is life’s one inevitability. You can’t make your loved ones live forever, and sadly, your children will discover this for themselves. If you and your family are going through a loss right now, you can help ease your children’s emotional burden by helping them understand death.
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PHOTO: XIXINXING/THINKSTOCK
Easy Tips for a GREENER LIFE Living green doesn’t have to be difficult — or expensive. BY CRYSTAL PL ANTE
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Green is the “it” color for modern living. Here are seven tips for reducing, reusing, and recycling in your day-to-day life.
Use the dishwasher
It may seem counter-intuitive, but washing dishes by hand actually uses an average of 20 gallons more than washing dishes in an energy-efficient dishwasher. Just make sure to only run the dishwasher with a full load.
Unplug unused devices
Devices continue to draw power from outlets even if the device isn’t turned on. In other words, the television may be turned off, but it’s still sucking power from the outlet. The same goes for cell phone chargers that aren’t currently charging the phone. It may seem insignificant, but these so-called energy “vampires” contribute to greenhouse gas production. Avoid this by unplugging chargers and
BYOB
Bring your own bag, that is. Store canvas bags in the car so you can avoid the plastic and paper bags from stores. And don’t forget to include some small bags so that you aren’t stuck using flimsy, storeprovided produce bags. Some stores even give customer discounts to those who shop with their own bags. Just remember to wash or wipe down your bags after every few trips to avoid bacterial growth.
Water bottles
Most bottled water is actually just tap water sold with a fancy label. You usually can get the same water from your kitchen sink. Invest in good quality steel or aluminum water bottles and forgo the cost and environmental impact of the bottled version. Don’t like the taste of the water from your local supply? A filter can probably help you out.
Get thrifty
One man’s trash is another man’s treasure, which is why thrift store popularity has exploded. Trust me— there’s someone out there who’d love your 1980s boom box. Instead of throwing away unwanted clothes, toys, or household goods, donate them to a local thrift store. Thrift store patrons are incredibly creative and may be able to recreate your old wardrobe in ways
that are unimaginable to you. Consider shopping at thrift stores yourself, and keep an open mind. An outfit that doesn’t fit quite right may be perfect after a trip to a local seamstress, and an old piece of furniture may be revitalized with a fresh coat of paint. (Note: be sure to check thrift store finds for recalls.)
Meatless Menus
Meat takes an incredible amount of resources to produce, but you don’t have to become a vegetarian to make an impact. Forgo meat at one meal per day, and then choose one day to eat nothing but plant-based options. Investigate vegetarian and vegan cooking sites to glean ideas for simple yet tasty dishes to eat during your meatless meals. (It doesn’t have to be complex, either; pasta is a great meatless option!)
Sleep on it
Opt to be a conscious consumer. Think long and hard about each and every purchase and its impact on the world. Cut out the purchases that aren’t absolute necessities, and change your habits to help with those that are (or feel like it). Carry a reusable coffee mug, pack your lunches in multi-use container, or consider bringing your own silverware to the office. Add Your Challenge yourself to Thoughts! think about other ways to use an item before discarding it.
PHOTO: SOMCHAIJ/THINKSTOCK
devices when not in use. You can also plug devices into a power strip and turn off the power strip when not needed.
PHOTO: TOM PERKINS/THINKSTOCK
Happy Peanut Butter Lover’s Month!
Are you crazy for peanut butter? Celebrate Peanut Butter Month with a little history lesson and some tasty treats!
This tasty treat comes from humble beginnings. Although we know that the Aztecs mashed peanuts into a paste, the modern version of peanut butter has been credited to Dr. John Harvey Kellogg,
creator of Kellogg’s cereals. Created as a protein substitute for patients without teeth, the flavor caught on and became popular among people everywhere. The product was improved upon by many other inventors and evolved to the product we know today, in creamy and crunchy varieties. In fact, peanut butter is so popular that Americans consume an average of three jars per person per year. Do you have a peanut butter lover in your life? Celebrate Peanut Butter Lover’s month with one of these tasty peanut butter recipes.
PHOTO: MUURAA/THINKSTOCK
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Ah, peanut butter, the perennial favorite with multiple uses. From the traditional peanut butter and jelly sandwich to peanut butter as a gum-from-hair removal product, peanut butter has earned its place in American culture. In fact, peanut butter is so popular that November has been designated as Peanut Butter Lover’s month.
Homemade Peanut Butter
Peanut Butter Balls
Put 1 cup roasted, unsalted peanuts into a blender or food processor. Add 2 tablespoons oil and ¼ tsp. salt. Grind, adding more oil if necessary. Eat on crackers or with apple slices.
Stir together 1 cup peanut butter, ¼ cup honey, and 1 cup instant dry milk powder until smooth. Add 1 cup mini chocolate chips. Shape into balls and store in the refrigerator.
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10 Ways to Unlock
Cinema Satisfaction BY DIANE PAWAR, PHD
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Hitting up your local theater with your family sounds great, especially on a rainy day. But when you factor in the costs of exorbitantly priced snacks and tickets (ranging from $9 to $13 for an adult ticket in the U.S.), a trip to the movies can quickly empty your wallet. How does a family on a tight budget combat such costs? Before you settle in with a DVD, try these cost-cutting ideas.
PHOTO: AGENCYBY/THINKSTOCK
Want to see the latest blockbuster without blowing up your wallet? Check out these budget-friendly theater tips.
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Check out the independent theatres in your area for cheap flicks. Many smaller, independent theatres offer “second runs” of popular movies. These are movies that have already been out for a few months but haven’t been released to DVD or streaming services. Bring your own snacks. Theaters frown upon this practice, but when you’re on a budget every penny counts. Tuck bags of snacks into pockets or purses and snack responsibly!
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Better yet, don’t by snacks at all. Keep your family from over indulging at the movies by eating lunch (or dinner) before you leave home.
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Shop for discounted movie passes through your employer, warehouse store, association, or club.
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Have the kids earn their trip to the movies by completing extra chores around the house.
Join your theater’s membership program. These “frequent buyer” programs allow you to build points toward discounted tickets, drinks, and snacks. Avoid gimmicks like 3D, IMAX, or DBOX. Upgraded seats can sometimes double the cost of a ticket. Take advantage of discount days. Theaters want to attract customers, especially when kids are on school vacation, and often offer screenings of family films at a lower price point. Shop around. Theaters owned by the same company may offer different prices in different locations. If you don’t mind a little extra travel time, you may be able to save money on ticket prices. Being on a budget doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy a good film. Share your family’s strategies on saving Add Your big bucks at the Thoughts! big screen in the comments section on our site!
ILLUSTRATIONS: 6GASIX/THINKSTOCK & MIKE G/THINKSTOCK
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Take the family to a matinee. Most theatres offer a considerable discount for the earlier viewings.
Founded in 2013 by educator Babs Bell Hajdusiewicz, Ms.Ed., Babsy B brings to you field-tested books, prints, and other products. Babs is a parent & new grandparent, a best-selling children’s author, career educator, and longtime consultant for schools, parents, and writers. And importantly, Babs is a former teacher for all ages and abilities and former school administrator!
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Oreo Ice Cream Sandwiches 速
Have some extra freezer space? These four-step ice cream sandwiches will delight your taste buds.
PHOTO: PRISCILLA CRAVEN
BY PRISCILL A CRAVEN
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We can’t pretend these are healthy, but these pint-sized ice cream sandwiches whip up in a jiff for special occasions or on-the-go sweet tooth satisfaction. Concerned about calories? Use reduced-fat milk, fat-free whipped topping, reduced-fat sandwich cookies, and sugar-free instant pudding. You also can experiment with different pudding flavors or sandwich cookie varieties for unique flavor combinations.
Ingredients ✓✓ 1 box of Jell-O® Chocolate Flavor Instant Pudding ✓✓ 2 cups of cold milk ✓✓ 1 package of Oreo® sandwich cookies ✓✓ 1 cup Cool Whip® (1 cup)
Directions Carefully separate each Oreo sandwich cookie (loosening with a knife, if necessary) and remove the filling. Feel free to eat the creamy middles, but don’t lick the cookies! Set the cream-less cookie halves aside, reserving an even number of cookie halves to crush for a chocolate garnish. Using the cold milk, make the Jell-O pudding according to the box directions. Once the pudding starts to firm in your mixing bowl, fold in the Cool Whip until well combined. Scoop a generous teaspoon of the pudding and Cool Whip mixture onto half the Oreo cookies. Place the remaining Oreo cookies on top, pressing down gently. Stack the cookies in an airtight container (using wax or parchment paper to separate the rows) and freeze for at least three hours—if you can wait that long.
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Fall Fun for families
PHOTO: FEVERPITCHED/THINKSTOCK
Four autumn-theme activities for you and your family to enjoy.
The Pumpkin Patch From my experience, there are pumpkin patches in almost all areas of the US that are open from late September through early November. While the details vary from patch to patch, most offer similar experiences to visitors, which can include face painting, photo opportunities, obstacle courses, fall-themed games, crafts, baked goods and jellies, petting zoos, hayrack rides, bonfires, and, of course, the opportunity to pick your own pumpkin straight off the vine. Plan for an entire afternoon—there’s often lots to do!
Corn Maze I hate getting lost, but there’s something so compelling about a corn maze. The twisting and turning trails and whispering stalks make you feel like you’re in another world. While there are mini-mazes geared
specifically for the younger folks, corn mazes seem to be something older kids and adults enjoy, too. Beware though: if your child has allergies, a dose of allergy medicine may be in order before venturing out!
Apple Orchard I always make sure we visit an orchard every fall. Most orchards allow you to pick your own apples right off the tree, and many will let you watch the apples being pressed for cider. (Not to mention the fact that you can make some seriously delicious desserts with the apples you picked—yum!)
Fall Picnic Fall picnics are an experience that everyone should try. Pack a hamper and venture out to eat with the squirrels gathering nuts for the winter, migrating flocks of birds and butterflies, and changing leaves. Just remember to pack sunscreen and jackets (although you may be able to skip the bug spray)! Grab your camera and dress in layers, because fall won’t last long!
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PHOTO: ERAXION/THINKSTOCK
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Fall certainly has fallen, hasn’t it? The leaves are changing to vibrant shades of red and gold, there’s a distinct crispness in the air, and I pulled out my flannel sheets and favorite sweaters. There’s nothing quite like it. Take advantage of this special time of year with some of the family-friendly attractions that can only be enjoyed for this brief season.
PHOTO: OSTRINKA/THINKSTOCK
Children are explorers. They need safe places where they can freely move, experiment, investigate. Asking a toddler not to run, jump, or climb is akin to saying, “don’t breathe.” – Janet Lansbury