Grown Ups Magazine - 2015 Feb Mar

Page 1

Feb/Mar

2015

HEY,

WAIT A SEC! SIX GAMES TO KEEP YOUR KIDS BUSY WHILE YOU’RE WAITING

PAY DOWN DEBT SUCK IT

THE BOTTOM LINE ON THUMB SUCKING

SPELLING TIPS

THAT WORK


contents Contents ON THE COVER

{Tap any title to jump to an article!}

AND MORE… “A” is for Advice Our expert explains ODD and offers practical support strategies for friends and relatives.

Step Up to Stepparenting

Six games to keep your kids busy while you’re waiting.

Suck It Experts disagree on thumb sucking, but the bottom line? Everything in moderation.

Spelling Tips That Work Adopting new, phoneme-based spelling practices can help your child develop language skills that go beyond the weekly spelling test.

Pay Down Debt Stuck in a debt spiral? Start breaking free with these three big tips.

Are You a Good Sport? Read on for sporting advice—before you need to call a time-out!

6 Ways to Save on Entertainment Entertainment doesn’t have to be synonymous with expensive. Reconfigure your entertainment expenditures with these great tips!

Children’s Hospital Stays

FEATURES The Littlest Dictators How do we endeavor to raise children who aren’t spoiled monsters?

When Bullying isn’t Bullying

How to make both you and your child more comfortable during expected (and unexpected!) hospital stays.

Effective Ways to Cope with Sibling Rivalry

Learn to recognize the differences between simple disagreements and damaging behavior.

Keep a lid on sibling rivalry with these four tips.

35 and…Geriatric?

Happy Trails!

Worried about trying to conceive after age 35? We have the lowdown on what to expect and what to do about it.

Learn how to get the most nutritional bang for your trail mix buck—make your own!

Thrifty Staycation Tips Plan for fun! Sure, Hawaii is great, but these low-cost, lowstress staycation ideas will keep your family smiling this spring.

Confidence Boosters Five tips to create tenacious tots.

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Hey, Wait a Sec!

Overwhelmed by your new family? We have four tips to help you cope.


Carissa Pelletier PUBLISHER & EDITOR-IN-CHIEF MANAGING EDITOR

Jennifer Anderson GRAPHIC DESIGNERS

Alvaro Beleza Livia Beleza CONTRIBUTING EDITOR

Crystal Plante CONTRIBUTORS

Cyndi Wright Katie Hale Kristin Personette Sadie Lankford

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When I Grow Up Now that the Christmas crush is over, stores are already brimming with pink, red, and white bouquets, packages of themed valentines, and heart-shaped candy boxes. While Valentine’s Day has metamorphosed into a Hallmark holiday often fraught with expectations (and sugar), I like to think we can turn it around. Bring a little pink and red into your life by focusing on celebrating as a family. Cook a special meal (or dessert) together, and share your “loves” around the table. What does love mean to you? What makes you feel special? What’s something kind and thoughtful that you can do for someone you care about? We hope you’ll share your favorite family Valentine’s Day traditions. It’s also time to start thinking about school vacations and spring break. Regardless of whether you’re traveling or staying home, we bring you a multitude of ways to celebrate joy and togetherness—in fun and affordable ways. Keep reading!

PHOTO: CAMARIE CALLARI

Carissa Pelletier Editor-In-Chief


We Asked...

My boys are grown now but they were on a homeschool bowling league for 8 years. They also did dance-jazz, ballet and tap. We tried soccer and t-ball and they weren't a good fit. I was a dancer and a swimmer growing up..

My children select which activities they are interested in. They aren't necessarily what I did as a child, but there has been a little overlap.

– CINDY SCHULTZ

– CRYSTAL BOWLEY REAGAN

Basketball, Soccer, and Football. We have him try them all at least once. You don't know what you like until you try it. – STEPHANIE KEEPING

My youngest participates in Special Olympics bowling. I chose it because he enjoys Wii bowling and I thought he would enjoy it.. – VALERIE GRAY

At this time my kids are all teenagers and none are playing sports. But when they did we had a wide range of Basketball, Tee ball, Soccer, Track, Football, and Swimming. But they all chose. I never chose for them. – AVRY BYINGTON

My daughter plays soccer now. We simply gave her a list of all the open activities for the summer and she chose. I never played soccer so it's fun to see her do her own thing! – AMY EDMISTON

Add Your Thoughts!

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What sports do your children play & how did you choose them? Are they the same sports you played as a kid?



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“A”is for Advice Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD) BY CRYSTAL PL ANTE

Our expert explains ODD and offers practical support strategies for friends and relatives.

Q: My grandson was recently diagnosed A: ODD stands for oppositional defiant with a condition called ODD that supposedly affects his performance in school. I’ve never heard of such a thing. What can you tell me about it?

disorder, and the number of children diagnosed with the condition is on the rise. The increase in diagnoses is due in part to new American Psychiatric


Association guidelines, as well as a better understanding of attention deficit disorder (ADD). Children who are now diagnosed with ODD might have been labeled troublemakers in the past. However, new insight into brain development reveals a complex set of factors that contribute to this behavior disorder. Whereas ADD is characterized by lack of focus and attention, the hallmarks of ODD include frequent and persistent arguing, tantrums, anger, disruptive behavior, and unmistakable hostility toward authority figures. If this sounds like a normal kid, you’re right. The difference, however, is that these behaviors are extreme in kids with ODD. While all kids have their ups and downs, kids with ODD demonstrate defiant behavior consistently for at least six months. These negative, uncontrollable behaviors develop gradually and worsen over time, becoming unquestionably disruptive at home and school. Most children develop signs and symptoms by age eight, but the condition can develop during preteen years. Kids with the condition are often extremely disrespectful, hostile, and negative. They tend to have a hard time in school because their aggressive behavior and confrontational tendencies make it difficult to find and keep friends. Furthermore, they view authority figures with contempt, which makes them argumentative and noncompliant. When asked, the child will not recognize their behaviors as defiant, but rather as completely rational behaviors resulting from others placing unreasonable demands upon him or her. Their perception of the world is skewed; they see the world as unfair and unjust and lash

out against it. ODD is often found in kids who have ADD, anxiety, and depression, and can contribute to low self-esteem. If left untreated, ODD can lead to problems like substance abuse, delinquency, and conduct disorders. Experts believe ODD may be caused by a combination of genetic and environmental factors, including developmental delays and hormonal imbalances. Some children who have been diagnosed with ODD have a history of abuse or neglect. There is no medication treatment protocol for ODD. Therapy is used to teach appropriate reactions, behaviors, and anger management. Many parents undergo counseling as well to learn how to support these changes in a positive way. The most important thing for you to remember is that ODD is usually not a result of bad parenting. Children from the most loving homes can develop ODD. It is a condition that stresses both children and parents, which makes unconditional love and acceptance crucial. Be positive, look for opportunities to praise your grandson, and avoid rehashing past arguments or outbursts. Let each new day be a fresh start for your grandson as he learns to control his temper and emotions.

Want to ask any of our experts for advice? Visit our Ask a Question page to submit your dilemma!

Add Your Thoughts!


Hey, Wait a Sec!

Six games to keep your kids busy while you’re waiting.

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BY KRISTIN PERSONET TE


I Spy Anytime you’re stuck waiting, play “I Spy” and see who can find the mystery object first. You can make this game more challenging for older kids by incorporating numbers and reading skills. Instead of saying, “I spy something yellow,” you can say, “I spy a multiple of three.” Your kids will enjoy finding the answer while using their brains.

Magic writing Magic writing is another waiting room game you can play with kids of any age. If you have younger children, you can use this game to practice numbers or letters. Simply use your finger to write something on your child’s back or hand and ask them to guess what letter or number you wrote. For older kids, you can write entire words or math problems.

I went to the store and bought a… To play this classic memory game, have the first person start by saying, “I went to the store and bought a [fill in the blank].” This person can choose any item that you can buy at a store (e.g., apple or donut). The next person repeats the phrase and adds their own item (e.g., I went to the store and bought an apple and milk.) Continue adding to the list. See how far you and your kids can get before someone forgets an item!

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I

If you’ve ever brought your kids with you to a doctor’s appointment, you know how stressful the waiting room can be. Keeping your child wrangled while you contemplate just how behind schedule the doctor is running can make any parent cringe. Fortunately, you can make waiting fun! These activities will keep your kids occupied so that waiting around isn’t such a bad thing. (As an added bonus, these games avoid the germy waiting-room toys, too.)


String games

If you’re stuck in traffic or waiting for an appointment, have your kids practice their multiplication tables. Recite an equation and see if they can answer it. You can make this more fun by playing “Around the World,” with the winner from each round moving on to compete against the next person.

This one may require a small time investment. Teach yourself a few string games like Cat’s Cradle or Jacob’s Ladder. Then, make sure you have a short length of string in your purse or diaper bag. When your kids are inevitably bored, teach them to play the string games you’ve learned—or see what kind of games they can come up with.

Rhyming words Choose a word (hint: not “orange”). Take turns coming up with a word that rhymes with it. The game ends when you can’t think of any more words that rhyme. Whoever came up with the last rhyming word is the winner!

Waiting doesn’t have to be boring. A few simple games can keep kids occupied—without resorting to electronics. Add Your What are some waiting Thoughts! games or activities you play with your kids?

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Multiplication


Experts disagree on thumb sucking, but the bottom line? Everything in moderation.

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Suck It!


T

Thumb sucking inspires considerable controversy and angst. Some parents loathe the habit so much that they offer a pacifier at every whimper to prevent it, and others encourage it to avoid late-night crib fishing expeditions to locate lost binkies. Periphery players (like doctors, dentists, grandparents, and that nosy lady from the market) warn that thumb sucking contributes to misaligned teeth and the possibility of becoming a playground pariah. Honestly, is it really that big of a deal? PACIFIER VS. THUMB: AN EPIC BATTLE Babies are designed to suck. It’s how they gain sustenance and comfort themselves. And it goes without saying that all babies are different. Some will wholeheartedly embrace a pacifier while others will spit it out in favor of their thumbs. But those differences can be hard for parents to differentiate between when bombarded with well-meaning advice from outside parties. Pediatricians encourage pacifier use as a way to reduce SIDS, but also warn that pacifier use can lead to ear infection. Dentists warn that thumb sucking will cause misaligned teeth that require expensive orthodontic treatments later in life. Speech pathologists note that prolonged pacifier use contributes to speech delays. With such conflicting advice (all based on scientific research), it can be easy to lose sight of what the baby wants and needs.

THE WHITE FLAG: SURRENDERING TO THE THUMB The fact is that it’s not that big of a deal if your child prefers the thumb over the pacifier. In the grand scheme of human history, thumbs have been around much, much longer than pacifiers. Most children abandon their thumb sucking habits on their own between the ages of two and four. Dentists acknowledge that most thumb sucking isn’t concerning until permanent teeth emerge (at age six). Even the most stalwart thumb sucker usually quits before they’re six-years old due to peer pressure. That’s not to say that thumb sucking is never harmful. Sticking anything into one’s mouth introduces germs. The wrong sucking technique can also cause problems. Passive thumb sucking in which the thumb rests lightly in the mouth is better than vigorous thumb sucking or hooking the thumb around the teeth. Doing so can cause misalignment or other dental related issues. THUMB CESSATION TACTICS 101 Although most kids will stop thumb sucking on their own if given enough time, there are a few who become so dependent on the comfort and routine that they need a little encouragement. If this is your child, it’s important to take a gentle approach. The thumb has been his or her source of


comfort whenever he or she has been tired, scared, bored, or sick. Suddenly changing the rules and denying the familiar will be traumatic to both of you.

behavior every time? Of course not. But through trial and error, you should be able to create effective diversions that help change his or her habit.

Forgo gimmicky thumb-sucking deterrents. Instead, watch your child closely to determine when he or she engages in thumb sucking. Perhaps it’s when he’s hungry, bored, or tired. Once you’ve established the trigger for the habit, you can offer alternative activities to help curb the behavior. Your goal is to head off the thumb sucking without your child realizing that you’re trying to prevent the behavior. Will there be lapses? Sure. Can you control the

Regardless of whether or not your little one is drawn to thumb sucking, neither pacifier use nor thumb sucking is inherently good or evil. There’s no shame in either approach. While a cease fire or peace treaty between the pacifier proponents and thumb supporters may not be on the horizon, keeping your child’s natural tendencies in mind will not only keep you above the fray, but also keep your child happier. Now that’s a victory worth fighting for.

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Add Your Thoughts!


THE

LITTLEST

DICTATORS How do we endeavor to raise children who aren’t spoiled monsters?

Yet spoiled children are themselves miserable. With no adult supervision, they don’t develop the social skills necessary to get along with others. They don’t know where boundaries lie because they have never had to live within them. Quite frankly, spoiled children don’t live in a world in which rules and consequences apply.

Fortunately, there are a number of ways in which we can encourage children to behave and to develop a disciplined sense of self. First, children need to learn to monitor their own actions. Consequences are a necessity, especially in situations that may be dangerous, destructive, or disruptive to others. Self-monitoring eventually leads to self-control. Children should be given limited choices beginning at age 18 months so they can learn decisionmaking, a companion to self-control. Next, children need to understand that their own individual rights should

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We’ve all seen them. They’re the kids who don’t seem to understand the word “no.” They interrupt adult conversations and use whining and tantrums to get their way. They demand constant attention from adults and don’t know how to entertain themselves. They can make life miserable.


not supersede the individual rights of others. Teaching respect for others is important. Don’t allow a child interrupt conversations, talk disrespectfully, or take advantage of situations. The child needs to understand that parents and siblings have rights too, as this understanding carries over to all other aspects of the child’s social interactions. Children should also be encouraged to play independently and entertain themselves. Parents should, of course, spend plenty of quality time together with their children. But children also need time on their own to develop skills and interests in their own ways. Obviously the amount of time depends on age, but a three year old should be able to entertain herself for approximately half the day without needing adult intervention to do so.

Spoiled children have an unrealistic sense of entitlement that impedes proper social and emotional development. Parental firmness is not synonymous with cruelty. The sooner a child Add Your learns that the world will Thoughts! not yield to her requests, the happier and more welladjusted she will be.

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Finally, parents need to be consistent in everything: schedules, discipline, rules, and consequences. Any break down in consistency can open a door to manipulation. Children need to know that rules have a purpose and that the rules will always be enforced consistently, and by everyone involved in her life.



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WHEN BULLYING

isn’t Bullying Learn to recognize the differences between simple disagreements and damaging behavior. BY CRYSTAL PL ANTE


As a result of the anti-bullying campaigns, victims now have more resources than ever to help them cope and address the problems at hand. Unfortunately, the unintended side effect of these efforts has led to the misuse of the term “bullying.” StopBullying.gov defines bullying as “unwanted, aggressive behavior among school aged children that involves a real or perceived power imbalance.” The acts must be aggressive, ongoing or have a potential to be ongoing, and signify a distinct imbalance of power physically, socially, or otherwise. Some are quick to apply the term “bullying” when referring to a typical, run-of-the-mill childhood disagreement. A playground spat

that ends with one child being called a bad name is not bullying—it’s just a playground argument. If, however, the argument becomes an ongoing affair with escalated behavors, the case could be made that it is an incident of bullying. Likewise, not getting invited to a birthday party is not necessarily an act of bullying. More often than not, it’s the result of a limited guest list. But too often, an isolated incident causes parents to label a child a “bully,” the whole episode an “act of bullying,” and demand immediate action from schools. Schools are serious about reducing acts of bullying, and carelessly using the term is generally unhelpful. Adults don’t always get along, and sometimes couples argue; the same applies to children. Bullying is a serious accusation with real consequences. It’s important to make sure that a child’s actions constitute an ongoing threat rather than a one and done childhood disagreement. If it’s an isolated case, it should resolve itself with limited adult intervention. If it’s an ongoing act of bullying that can be Add Your documented, the school Thoughts! needs to be notified.

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B

Bullying is a serious problem that has led to increased vigilance by parents, teachers, and government officials. While bullying is not a new phenomenon, the era of cell phones and social media has given the problem a new face. Laws have been passed, policies are in place, and statistics are being tracked to measure not only who is bullying, but also who is being bullied.


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35 and...

GERIATRIC?

Worried about trying to conceive after age 35? We have the lowdown on what to expect and what to do about it.

W

Women over the age of 35 who become pregnant are christened with the notso-charming recognition of having a “geriatric pregnancy.” Yes, geriatric, as in old. For the mothers-to-be who may be offended by such a dubious distinction, they can opt for the more serene moniker as a “mother of advanced age.” Or there’s always the historical descriptor of “elderly mother.” Regardless of which term is least offensive, expectant women who are 35 or older are in their own special group.

Historically, women were unable to delay pregnancy. Throughout the 1970s (ironically the years during which the current crop of geriatric mothers were born), societal roles meant that most women were homemakers and child bearers. This trend changed as women entered the workforce and found fulfilling careers. Medical advances like improved access to birth control and the increased use of fertility treatments allowed women to extend the childbearing years even more.


Women over the age of 35 are more likely to suffer miscarriages, bear children with chromosomal abnormalities, and often have underlying conditions like diabetes or high blood pressure that can negatively affect pregnancy. But while pregnancies in women over age 35 do carry some increased risks, they have become socially acceptable. Close to 20% of pregnancies are among women who fall in this category. While more screenings and closer monitoring are usually necessary to reduce complications, proper prenatal care, exercise, and appropriate nutrition can go a long way in promoting a healthy pregnancy for women of any age.

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That’s not to say that women’s bodies have adapted to such social progress. A 30-year-old woman has a 20% chance of becoming pregnant each month as compared to the 5% chance a 40-yearold woman has. And while prenatal care has improved, older mothers face more pregnancy-associated risks than younger mothers. A woman is born with all the eggs she will ever have in her lifetime, meaning that the eggs age along with the woman. An older egg, that is an egg that may be fertilized after age 35, is more likely to have age-associated problems like chromosomal defects. For example, the risk of an older mother carrying a child with Down syndrome is 1 in 365. Compare that with the risk of 1 in 1,600 associated with younger mothers and the picture becomes clear. Older mothers may have more wisdom at their disposal, but younger mothers have better odds.

Add Your Thoughts!


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STEP UP TO

Stepparenting Overwhelmed by your new family? We have four tips to help you cope.

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When you join a previously established family and embark on forming new relationships, change isn’t always easy. Integrating families requires a lot of love, empathy, and most of all, patience. We have some simple advice for helping stepparents handle their new responsibilities.

SLOW DOWN. Ease into the

SHOW SOME RESPECT. Establish a

relationship with your spouse’s child. While you’re stepchild may be excited to get to know you, the reality is that most relationships need time to develop. You may need to navigate feelings of resentment or loss. Work on developing a friendly and loving relationship.

culture of mutual respect.

BE REASONABLE. Don’t expect too much too quickly. Your stepchild may harbor bitterness, anger, or disappointment due to his or her changing life circumstances. Be open and honest. Focus on being a trusted friend and role model.

DON’T TAKE SIDES. When it comes to your stepchildren and your spouse, don’t take sides. Allow your spouse to handle the problem with his or her child without interference. You can discuss your concerns in private. By giving your stepchild (or stepchildren) time to adjust Add Your and setting reasonable Thoughts! expectations, you can establish yourself as a trusted friend and role model.


GOOD SPORT?

Read on for sporting advice— before you need to call a time-out!

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Are You a


I

It can be hard to rein in your protective parenting when someone tries to intimidate your child on the field. It’s natural to want ownership over the activity; you’ve invested time and money, and you want to make sure your child enjoys it to the fullest. Knowing when you should take a step back and when you should assert yourself can keep everyone happy.

DON’T CODDLE YOUR CHILD.

DON’T PUSH. If your child doesn’t show much interest or prefers to complain rather than participate, back off and let her lead. It’s important to encourage children to follow through, but don’t force them to stick to something they hate.

DON’T GOSSIP. It’s tacky, and it might get you in hot water with other parents, children, or the coaches. Set a good example for your child.

DON’T BE AFRAID TO SPEAK UP. If you observe mistreatment, disregard for children’s safety, or adults disrespecting your children, speak up for your child. Bring your concerns to the coaches first, and work your way up from there.

DO ENCOURAGE YOUR CHILD AND OTHERS. Show your child what being a good sport is all about. Win or lose, pass out compliments to the team and keep the negativity off the field.

DO SUPPORT AND APPRECIATE THE COACHES. Most of the time these people are taking time out of their own lives without pay. It not just about practices and games, but also gathering paperwork, taking care of equipment, writing plays, and organizing everything else. Let your children learn about good sportsmanship by watching how you interact with others. Challenge your child to excel, and challenge yourself Add Your to be a positive role Thoughts! model. And remember: let them have fun.

PHOTO: NA/THINKSTOCK

Sure, you can show ‘em a little love and affection, but try not to hover and interfere when small issues arise. Let your child, coaches, and other children work it out when you can.



Debt

Stuck in a debt spiral? Start breaking free with these three big tips. BY KATIE HALE

S

Sadly in our society debt is a huge issue for everyone. That is why we have come up with some tips for how parents can get out of debt. Debt can bog you down and make it feel like you'll never find success in life. As a single parent that can be just one more thing that makes you feel frustrated and inadequate. Focus your energy on these things that help you overcome debt as a single parent. Determine wants and needs. Make a list of your needs: utilities, insurance, groceries, car or mortgage payments, or gas. Then, make a list of your wants: new clothes, entertainment, electronics, or cable TV packages. It’s important to be honest with yourself. If you can successfully eliminate some of the “wants” from your monthly expenses, you often can save hundreds of dollars. You may even be able to negotiate with service providers for better deals. Apply for loan relief. You may be able to find some relief if you’re still paying off

student loans. Forbearance options may allow you to delay payments without penalty for a period of months. You can use that relief period to pay down other debt. (It’s also worth noting that you may be able to restructure any other loans you have, too. Call your bank or lender!) Downsize your life. Everything can be downsized. Move to a smaller home or apartment. Sell your car and start using public transit, if possible, or consider bike commuting and carpooling. Hold a yard sale to sell items in storage. You can even downsize amenities like cable and cell service. Hard work and dedication not only help pay down your debt, but also show your children how to live within their means and manage Add Your money. Involve your Thoughts! children in your fiscal decisions and start setting an example today!

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Pay Down


Adopting new, phoneme-based spelling practices can help your child develop language skills that go beyond the weekly spelling test. BY CRYSTAL PL ANTE

A

Ah, the weekly spelling list. Traditionally sent home on Mondays, the list contains words that the child is expected to know how to spell on Friday. It’s a list that even the busiest parent can accommodate since the words can be rehearsed and recited virtually anywhere, from the carpool lane to just before bedtime. But the traditional spelling list has also become a source of contention. Some argue that spelling is an obsolete skill in the age of spell-check while others insist that increased online communication makes it more vital than ever. Meanwhile, parents muddle on, helping their children practice the words the way their parents helped them: rote memorization.

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Spelling Tips That Work


But is the constant drilling really helpful? A wealth of new research gives us insight into spelling instruction that actually helps kids learn to spell—and read.

It’s still important Despite the rise of spell-check, spelling remains an important skill for children to master. Spelling correlates with a child’s ability to hear and translate sounds within words, which is an important component of reading. If a child can’t break a word apart into its individual sounds (something teachers call “phonemic awareness,” which is a precursor to phonics), reading is going to be difficult. Proper spelling programs help kids learn to do just that. Furthermore, spell-checking programs look at the misspelled word before generating a list of possible corrections. Not only does the spelling have to be close enough to generate such suggestions, but students must also be able to choose the correct form of the word. While new technology means that we may not run to the dictionary as often as we used to, spelling instruction will probably never disappear entirely.

your child misspells a word and you have him write it ten more times, chances are pretty good that he’s going to misspell it all over again. What’s getting reinforced? The misspelled version of the word. That kind of learning is hard to undo once it’s taken root. Practice has to be accurate in order for proper learning to be reinforced.

Spelling isn’t silent The English language is made up of 26 letters and 44 sounds. Some languages have more, some less, but all letters or groups of letters produce corresponding sounds. Some of the sounds are very similar to one another. Think of the sounds for the letters F and V. Similar right? The difference between the two sounds is that the sound of the letter F is

Think about your own experiences with spelling words. How were they taught? Did you write the words five times each? Hand in weekly spelling sentences? Fill out workbook pages? Practicing with the words is important, but perfect practice is even more important. If

PHOTO: KAI CHIANG/THINKSTOCK

Practice makes perfect, but perfect practice makes permanent


produced when the voice box is turned off; the sound of the letter V is produced when the voice box is turned on. (Go ahead, try it. Feel the difference?) This isn’t a rare phenomenon: it happens with numerous sounds in the English language (i.e., P and B or T and D). Now think about kids taking a spelling test in which the room is supposed to be quiet. A child may whisper the word “van” during the test and feel the /v/ sound instead of the /f/. The resulting word sounds more like “fan” which would be counted wrong on the test. The word must be vocalized so the voice box is allowed to produce the /f/ sound at the beginning of the word.

The research-based, 21st century way to learn spelling

discovered right away can be remedied before incorrect learning takes hold.

What about sight words? Sight words are the most common words in the English language and are among the first words students learn to read and spell. About 25% of sight words don’t follow the normal spelling patterns common in English. Think of the word from. If it followed the rules of English, it would be spelled frum. What do you do with those words? These words do need to be memorized. 1. Have the child say the word out loud. 2. The child should write the word. Check for accuracy.

Instead of rote memorization or endlessly rewriting the word (incorrectly), researchers have discovered a series of steps to help children learn to spell correctly. What’s the best part? They’re easy enough that parents can use them at home! Have your child:

3. Direct the child’s attention to the part of the word that doesn’t follow the rule. In from, have them look at the letter O.

1. Say the word out loud. They should feel the way their mouth moves with the word and listen for all the sounds in the word. (Think of the word “shadow.” They should hear sh-a-d-ow.)

5. Practice reading and writing the word until the child reads and writes it correctly ten times each.

2. Use the word correctly in a sentence. 3. Spell the word out loud while tracing the letters in the air. This helps the child visualize what the word looks like. 4. Write the word on a piece of paper. Check the word and correct any errors. Don’t wait until the end to check all the words at once. Mistakes

4. Point out the parts of the word that do follow the rules (the f, r, and m). Draw a heart over the O and tell them, “This is the part we learn by heart.”

Parents often tell frustrated children to “use their words” to help them get what they want. If we encourage children to “use their sounds” and adopt researchbased study methods, kids will read and spell Add Your better. It may make the Thoughts! weekly spelling list a little less portable, but the payoff is huge.


6 Save on ENTERTAINMENT Tightening up the purse strings, but don't feel like giving up the good stuff? BY SADIE L ANKFORD

PHOTO: CREATAS/THINKSTOCK

ways to


FIND FRUGAL ATTRACTIONS. You can still go out without spending a fortune. Many libraries hold free events, and parks, museums, and universities offer a multitude of cheap (or free) activities. You can even google your city and state followed by “free concert” for low- or nocost shows. DITCH YOUR CABLE. Cut back to the most basic cable package or get rid of it altogether. You can access many of your favorite shows using Netflix, Hulu, or network TV websites. Cringing yet? If you’re not willing to give up cable, you often renegotiate the terms of your contract. Call your provider and let them know you’ll be cancelling if they can’t offer you a better deal.

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LISTEN CHEAPLY. Do you normally buy your favorite artist’s entire album? You can often save money by purchasing individual songs. Music-streaming services like Pandora or Spotify can also provide you with free access to hundreds of thousands of songs 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. (They offer premium services, too!)

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TRAWL FOR DEALS. Groupon, Living Social, and Amazon Local are great for snagging the best deals! Instead of splurging on a full-price dinner, massage, or pedicure, check these deal sites first. You can also use them to plan trips—both for the trip itself, and for local attractions.

ATTEND HAPPY HOUR. Steer your friends toward happy hour rather than dinner. You can have appetizers and drinks on the cheap without seeming like you’re trying to be cheap.

What’s your favorite way to save on entertainment?

Add Your Thoughts!

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ESCHEW THE THEATER. Rather than racking up a huge tab at your movie theater, stay in and stage your own movie night. You can rent DVDs from your local Redbox, subscribe to Netflix, or stream from Hulu. Pop your own popcorn or pick up treats for a fraction of the cost at your supermarket.


How to make both you and your child more comfortable during expected (and unexpected!) hospital stays.

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Hospitalizing your child can be hard on both of you. While you may be concerned about the medical implications, your child may be more anxious because of the change of scenery and routine. While some hospital stays, like tonsillectomies, can be planned in advance, others are sudden and unexpected. Regardless of the reason for hospitalization, there are steps you can take to make the stay a little smoother.

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CHILDREN’S HOSPITAL STAYS


While in the hospital, try to maintain as much consistency as possible. Bring favorite and familiar items from home, like pajamas, toys, books, blankets, pillows, and snacks. Pack a bag full of quiet play items that will help pass the time such as coloring books and crayons, games, or simple craft

kits. Just remember to check with the doctors and nurses to make sure that what you’re bringing won’t compromise your child’s treatment. Don’t forget to take care of yourself, too. Bring something to help you pass the time, and take breaks when you need to. Taking care of yourself will help you take better care of your child. Wear comfortable clothes. Bring a book. Pack snacks so that you can avoid the vending machine or the hospital cafeteria. You are arguably the most important partner in your child’s health care, and you are his or her most important advocate. Listen to what the doctors and nurses tell you, and don’t be afraid to ask for clarification if you don’t understand or are uncertain. If something doesn’t seem right, speak up. Doctors and nurses are Add Your human too and can make Thoughts! mistakes. Be polite, be calm, but be active in your child’s treatment.

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If the hospital stay is a planned event, you have the benefit of being able to talk to your child about what to expect. Be honest and answer questions as well as you can. Don’t tell your child that it won’t hurt, because some procedures more than likely will. Play doctor with as many real medical supplies as you can get (like stethoscopes, blood pressure cuffs, or surgical masks), check out relevant books from the library to read together, and arrange a visit to the hospital before check-in day. Children under the age of four live in the moment, so two to three days’ notice is generally sufficient. Older kids, however, need more processing time and should be told in advance. Regardless, don’t wait until you’re walking through the hospital doors before you tell them what’s happening.



with Sibling Rivalry Keep a lid on sibling rivalry with these four tips.

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EFFECTIVE WAYS TO COPE


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Even the most well behaved siblings will fight once in a while. But if you have a chronic case of sibling rivalry on your hands, sit down and evaluate what’s going on. Are the kids bored? Have they received inconsistent parental attention? Is there something happening at school? Talk to your children. Resentment that builds over time over time can result in

aggression, verbal abuse, and in some cases, violence. Here are some tips on learning how to cope with sibling rivalry. By giving your kids the tools to resolve tensions in a peaceful and productive way, you help them learn to problem solve effectively—without physical or verbal abuse.

KEEP IT SEPARATED } If your kids are really going at it, separate them. Unless they’re truly terrible, don’t make it a forced time out. Find an activity (whether fun or a chore) that they can accomplish on their own. Occupy them.

BE PATIENT } Take a deep breath. As a parent it’s easy to lose your cool when your kids are fighting, and it never makes anything better. Plan out calm, practical strategies to relieve tension.

RECOGNIZE GOOD BEHAVIOR } Don’t wait for your kids to get out of control. When everyone’s behaving appropriately, recognize it verbally. Children feed off of positive reinforcement and will strive to change their actions so that they will hear it more often.

COMMUNICATE } If your children’s rivalry seems fueled by resentment and doesn’t resolve using the above methods, talk to each child privately. Try to discover the root cause of the fighting, and address it head on. Ask your child to provide a potential solution, and then enable him or her to see it through.

Add Your Thoughts!


Thrifty Staycation

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Plan for fun! Sure, Hawaii is great, but these low-cost, low-stress staycation ideas will keep your family smiling this spring. BY CYNDI WRIGHT

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Staying home for spring break doesn’t have to be dreary. Whether you’re stuck working or just trying to save money, the power of compromise and creativity can make your staycation memorable.


Make movies magical by transforming your space. If you have access to a projector, you can set up a mini theater outside. Hang a canvas or sheet, bring out some comfy chairs and blankets, pop a bucket of popcorn, and watch away! No projector? No problem. Set up tents or pillow forts and watch movies inside (even if it’s in the middle of the living room). You can even recreate the drive-in feel by creating “cars” out of cardboard boxes or plastic bins. Arrange your faux-autos around the TV, and don’t forget the snacks!

games, or have their own traditions? Once you know more, set aside time to craft your dream destination. Engage your imaginations. Don’t forget your cameras!

Good Old-Fashioned Quality Time

Bring the Destination to You

Many parents, especially moms, feel pressured to be creative and on the go— all the time. It can be overwhelming. Sometimes it’s a relief to get back to the basics. Check your local paper or library for free or low-cost activities. Explore unfamiliar places in your town, or extend your daily errands into unexplored territories. You can even host a family board (or video) game tournament.

Dreaming of Hawaii? Interested in an arctic cruise? You can bring a little of your dream destination home without breaking the bank. Do some research—as a family. What do people eat in the region you’d like to visit? What music do they listen to? Do people dress a certain way, play specific

Whatever you decide to do this break, make sure you relax and enjoy yourself! An expensive vacation Add Your can’t ever replace the Thoughts! memories you create by gifting your time.

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Make Your Own Movie Theater


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Happy trails! Learn how to get the most nutritional bang for your trail mix buck—make your own!

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Trail mix is a hiking and camping staple. It’s not hard to see why: it’s bite sized, portable, and easily customized to suit one’s tastes. Even better, trail mix can be healthy, as the main components are dried fruits and nuts. In fact, trail mix is commonly referred to as GORP, which stands for “good old raisins and peanuts.” Yet trail mix can quickly become unhealthy if too many nutritionally lacking ingredients are added to the mix. While a serving of trail mix can provide protein, carbohydrates, and nutrients, it’s easy to go overboard and eat more than one serving size at a time (or even two or three). Pre-made, pre-packaged trail mix is readily available in stores, but it’s just as easy to make your own. Homemade trail mix can ensure that certain nutritional requirements are met, possible allergies are accounted for, and favorite components are plentiful. What kid wouldn’t love mixing up his own concoction of goodies? Choose an item from each category to make a healthy, nutritious batch of trail mix:

PROTEIN. Peanuts are the traditional favorite, but almonds, cashews, sunflower seeds, or pumpkin seeds work as well.

CARBOHYDRATES. Raisins are the most common ingredient, but dehydrated pineapple, bananas, cherries, or craisins all work, too.

LONG-LASTING CARBOHYDRATES. These aren’t exactly nutritional powerhouses, but offer staying power on long hikes. Pretzel sticks, unsweetened cereal, air-popped popcorn, and cracker bits fit the bill. My personal favorite, though not necessarily a healthy option, is animal crackers.

SWEETS. M&Ms or chocolate chips usually fill in here, although shredded coconut or crystallized ginger add more nutrients.

How much of each ingredient is up to you. Usually an equal amount from each category is just about right, although you can add or decrease according to taste. So mix it Add Your up, chomp it down, and let Thoughts! us know what your trail mix looks (and tastes) like!


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CONFIDENCE BOOSTERS Five tips to create tenacious tots.


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As a parent, it’s your job to ensure your child has a healthy self-esteem. A selfassured child is less likely to cave to peer pressure, is more capable of successfully resolving conflict, and is less likely to be depressed. These tips will help your children gain the confidence they need to face everyday challenges.

✓✓Embrace adversity – Let your child know that there’s no need to be afraid of challenging situations; everyone stumbles sometimes. Even if they don’t excel, praise their courage for trying something new and different.

✓✓Get social – Make sure your child has the opportunity to interact with other kids and adults. Learning from others’ experiences allows them to empathize and relate to situations they may not understand—both in their homes and in the world at large.

✓✓Be a positive role model – Confidence is catchy. If you show your child that you can be confident in any situation, chances are good that some of your exuberance will wear off on them.

✓✓Dispel negative thoughts – Children often compare themselves to everyone around them. If your child constantly makes negative comments (e.g., about their looks, academic abilities, athletic skills, etc.) about him or herself, take the time to reassure them. Highlight their strengths and teach them about self-love and inner beauty.

✓✓Display affection – Children need to know they are loved. Drop a cute note into a lunch bag, or give them a quick squeeze before they run out the door. The smallest gestures can leave lasting impressions. Remember: don’t build your child’s self-esteem at the Add Your expense of other people. Thoughts! Real confidence requires a positive self-image and a healthy dose of humility.


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“There are only two lasting bequests we can hope to give our children. One of these is roots; the other, wings.” – W. Hodding Carter


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