Apr/May
2015
MANNERS, PLEASE! 9 WAYS TO SHAPE MODEL CITIZENS INSTEAD OF MONSTERS
CONTROL THE
REMOTE CONTROL
CONTROL YOUR FAMILY’S TV SO IT ISN’T CONTROLLING YOU
IS ONCE A MONTH COOKING FOR YOU?
LETTING YOUR CHILD
FALL DOWN
contents Contents ON THE COVER
{Tap any title to jump to an article!}
AND MORE… “A” is for Advice - Twins Our advice expert weighs in on whether it’s appropriate to separate twins in the classroom
Helping Friends Cope with Miscarriage
9 ways to shape model citizens instead of monsters.
Letting Your Child Fall Down Taking a step back can help your kids stand on their own two feet.
Is Once a Month Cooking for You? If daily cooking is dragging you down, prepping and cooking food once a month can help!
Control the Remote Control Control your family’s TV so it isn’t controlling you.
FEATURES
Movie Rating Mishaps MPAA movie ratings don’t always get it right. We can help!
Spot Treatments Help banish teen breakouts with gentle cleansing and a healthy diet.
Make it a Date Making time for your significant other is crucial for your relationship—and your children.
Saving for College
Keeping it Clean
It’s never too late to start saving! Follow these timeline based savings suggestions to create your child’s college savings plan.
Do you over rely on hand sanitizers? Get the dirt here.
The Perfect Parent: Fact or Fiction
Packing for the Hospital 101
Do you struggle to keep it together? Us too! Cyndi Wright shares her top three tips to keep your family on the level.
Parenting Cultures in America Studies suggest there are four major categories of parenting types. How does your family fit in?
Goal Setting for Kids Already ditched this year’s resolutions? Commit to positive change that will last.
What should you really plan to take with you to the hospital for the big day?
“Bored” Games Looking for a screen-free family activity that promotes learning and friendly competition? Look no further than the Monopoly Man.
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Manners, Please!
Want to console your friend? Tread lightly, and make sure she knows you’re always there for her.
Carissa Pelletier PUBLISHER & EDITOR-IN-CHIEF MANAGING EDITOR
Jennifer Anderson GRAPHIC DESIGNERS
Alvaro Beleza Livia Beleza VIRTUAL ASSISTANT
Nina Say CONTRIBUTING EDITOR
Crystal Plante CONTRIBUTORS
Cyndi Wright Katie Hale Kristin Personette
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When I Grow Up As soon as the crocuses erupt from the earth and the weather warms, I want to open all the windows and banish winter from my home. I’m sure many of you are just waiting for the snow to melt. Still, the sun is energizing. It stirs us from our mental (and maybe physical!) hibernation period. Spring reminds us of opportunities for new growth and opportunities, and to check in on healthy habits we may have started back in January. (By the way, are your family resolutions still on track?) It’s also a time for literal growth. Depending on where you live, early April can be the perfect time to start garden—even if it’s just a small pot on a windowsill. Research suggests that children who learn to garden, especially when fruits or vegetables are involved, tend to make healthier eating choices. Tending a garden, even if it’s just a potted plant, helps kids become responsible caretakers. Has the plant been fertilized? How much has it grown? Is it getting enough light and water? Further, learning about what makes plants grow can foster a lifelong interest in science and technology.
Carissa Pelletier Editor-In-Chief
PHOTO: CAMARIE CALLARI
If you and your family find yourself with a free afternoon, pick up a few packets of locally appropriate seeds (most herbs or highly productive vegetables are easy), potting soil, and a fun container. Your local library will have awesome and helpful resources to help get you started. Get dirty, and get growing!
We Asked...
My sisters taught me "Video Killed the Radio Star" when I was a preschooler. – CRYSTAL BOWLEY REAGAN
The first one I remember listening to was Prince's Purple Rain.
The first song I did with them was "If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands.”
– CEE HERRON
– CAT DAVIS
My mom says I was singing before I could talk, I don't know what song it was though.
My daughter is 14 and I still sing "You Are My Sunshine" to her.
– CINDY SCHULTZ
– AVRY BYINGTON
Add Your Thoughts!
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Do you remember the first song you or your child learned to sing? If so, what was it and at what age?
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“A”is for Advice Twins
BY CRYSTAL PL ANTE
Our advice expert weighs in on whether it’s appropriate to separate twins in the classroom.
Q: Our twin daughters have been in the
same classroom since preschool. We’re moving to a different school district next month. My husband thinks we should request to enroll the girls in separate classrooms, but I feel like we should allow them to stay in the same room because of all the changes that come from moving. What do you recommend?
A: It’s great that you’re looking ahead and anticipating how your daughters will be affected. While moving can provide a fresh start, the fact that your girls have been in the same classroom since preschool should be taken into consideration as you and your husband decide what to do. Unfortunately, I can’t provide you with the answer you seek. As with so many other child-related questions, the answer depends on your daughters’ personalities, temperaments, abilities, and sense of security. There’s not necessarily a right or wrong answer when considering whether or not to split up twins.
There are ways to make the decision a little easier, though. I suggest you make a list of pros and cons to help you and your husband decide what’s best for your girls. Twins naturally share a tight bond, so keeping them together might help them feel less fearful or stressed about changing schools. Because they are used to being together, separation may create a distraction that gets in the way of learning. If your daughters are identical twins, having them in the same classroom may be beneficial. Teachers and other classmates will see them regularly and have the opportunity to differentiate between them. And let’s not overlook the fact that having them both in the same classroom would be more convenient for you. Parent teacher conferences will be easier, classroom expectations and assignments will be the same, and tests will always be scheduled on the same day.
There are, however, good reasons to place the girls in separate classrooms. Twins in different classrooms have the benefit of being treated as individuals rather than parts of a matching set. This can help your girls establish their own identities and make friends on their own. If one girl tends to “mother” or “control” her sister, it may be time to let them try it on their own. Although we don’t like to admit it, teachers sometimes compare siblings. When siblings are in the same classroom, it’s even more difficult to avoid. That can be detrimental if one sister isn’t on the same level with her twin. You also need to take a hard look at their behavior. If the girls’ togetherness is impeding their education (e.g., they’re distracting each other or causing tandem behavioral issues), separating them would be beneficial. Don’t forget to ask your girls what they want. They may feel like they need each other for moral support, or they may feel like they are ready to separate into different classes. Take time to tour the new school. Your girls may find they connect to different teachers or classrooms, which will make your decision easier. Whatever you decide, listen to your daughters. Their insight may surprise you.. Want to ask any of our experts for advice? Visit our Ask a Question page to submit your dilemma!
Add Your Thoughts!
9 ways to shape model citizens instead of monsters.
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MANNERS, PLEASE!
S
Social skills are one of the most important things you teach your child. Manners, so often overlooked in the busyness of today’s world, can help your children form positive relationships and project professionalism. It’s never too early to start, either. Kids are sponges, especially when they’re small. Even toddlers are smart and capable enough to demonstrate basic manners.
THE GOLDEN RULE. Treat others the way you want to be treated. The next time your child says or does something inappropriate, ask, “Is that the way you’d like other people to treat you?” You can use The Golden Rule to encourage sharing, taking turns, or even waiting for everyone to get to the table before eating. EMPATHY. This goes hand in hand with The Golden Rule. Whenever the opportunity arises, ask your child to put themselves in another person’s shoes: “If you gave someone a gift and they didn’t say thank you, how would you feel?” Alternately, “If you were waiting patiently in line and someone jumped in front of you how would that make you feel?”
MODEL MANNERS. Have you ever said something regrettable and heard your child repeat it at the most inopportune moment? Children will emulate what you do and say, especially when you’re not ordering them to do it. Be sure to set an example by using polite words and behavior. BE CONSISTENT. Like all things, manners are learned through consistency and habit. After saying “Bless you!” or “Gesundheit!” hundreds of times, it becomes second nature. When good manners are always exercised repeatedly, it’s easier for your children to learn that they’re expected. ROLE PLAY. Make it a game; practice holding doors open, giving and receiving gifts, sneezing (and responding appropriately), taking turns, or waiting patiently. Be silly, but insist on modeling manners properly.
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START EARLY. As soon as children learn to talk, they can start learning when and why they should be using “please” and “thank you.” Demonstrate that when they use these words, it helps them get what they want—within reason, of course.
TIME AND PLACE. It can be difficult to grasp different places have different expectations. Explain why places like church, school, or the library require your children to adjust their behaviors. It might be okay to talk whenever they want at home, but at school they need to raise their hand first, at church they may just need to sit quietly, and at the library they may need to whisper. READ UP! A quick search at your local library or your favorite bookseller can provide you with a wealth of ageappropriate references on manners.
ENCOURAGE AND REWARD. Make a chart of expected behaviors, and reward children with a small token (e.g., stickers) when they perform the behavior appropriately. Compliment their good behavior with sincerity, and use a specific example so that they know what they did well: “What beautiful manners Add Your you have! I am so proud Thoughts! of how polite you were with Mrs. Smith today.”
Top 10 Manners Children Should Know: 1 Saying “please” and “thank you” 2 Letting people speak without interruption 3 Saying “excuse me” when appropriate 5 Exercising kindness 6 Avoid bullying behaviors 7 Covering mouths and noses when coughing or sneezing 8 Waiting their turn 9 Holding doors for people who might be behind them 10 Offering help
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4 Knocking before entering a room or house
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LETTING YOUR CHILD
n w o d Fall Taking a step back can help your kids stand on their own two feet. BY KRISTIN PERSONET TE
L
Let’s face it. Being a parent is harder than it looks! You’d think after a few years you’d get the hang of it, but as your child learns and grows, you need to make more and more decisions that affect the well-being of your child. This can mean making hard choices, especially when it comes to letting your child learn on their own. As much as you want to soothe your child’s every bump and scrape, letting your child fall and get back up on their own is a parenting technique we all need to revisit.
HOW DO I START? As parents, we tend to be overprotective of our children. We try our hardest to create a safe environment in which our children can learn and grow. Although there’s nothing wrong with ensuring your child’s wellbeing, we can sometimes take this too far and smother our children with hovering. This is where letting your child “fall” comes into play. When using this as a parenting technique, you allow your child to make mistakes. This ranges from literally watching your child trip on a toy and letting them fall down and get back up, to letting your child make a mistake and face the consequences of that mistake. Instead of rushing to help your child, sit back and allow your child to get back up on their own.
your child to try on their own first, even if they are unable to do it the first try, you are helping your child understand that with a little effort, they can accomplish anything. This will help your child’s self-worth and independent nature flourish over time.
WHAT YOU WILL LEARN Not only will your child learn about themselves, you’ll also learn more about your child’s capabilities. I’m sure we’re all guilty of occasional helicopter parenting, but when you take a step back and watch your child troubleshoot his or her own problems, you might be amazed at what you see. Most children will nonchalantly get back up again, resuming whatever it was they were doing. By understanding your child’s capabilities, you will also learn when it is appropriate to intervene. Have you ever let your child fall down and get back up as a parenting technique? Share your story with us! We’d love to hear from you.
Add Your Thoughts!
This parenting technique will teach your children a lot about themselves. Any time you rush to help your child before they can try to do something on their own, you’re teaching them that they are not capable of being independent. If you’re trying to mold your children into independent and responsible adults, constantly saving them from themselves will be detrimental. By allowing
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WHAT YOUR CHILD WILL LEARN
Saving for COLLEGE
It’s never too late to start saving! Follow these timeline based savings suggestions to create your child’s college savings plan. 10 Years Until College Parents who start saving early are at a distinct advantage. They have the benefit of time on their hands, and even a little bit socked away each month will eventually add up if given enough time. A financial planner can help these early savers determine the best way to invest college savings. In the United States, 529 plans are touted as a great avenue for saving, but they aren’t right for everyone. Financial planners may suggest other methods,
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W
When is the best time to start saving for college? Financial gurus will tell you that the optimum time is before the child is even conceived. Organized parents may start a savings plan right around the day the child is born. Meanwhile, the rest of us who are living in the real world realize that we should have started saving a long time ago, but life got in the way. While obviously starting earlier is better than playing catch up during the teen years, the good news is that there are useful savings plans for every stage of childhood.
such as a Coverdell account, life insurance policy, or tax-deferred annuity to help with college costs.
5 to 10 Years Until College
3 to 4 Years Until College Crunch time. While there is very little time to build savings, every little bit helps. Don’t beat yourself up about the woulda, shoulda, couldas, and start taking concrete steps to create even a little bit of savings. This is not a time to make risky investments; play it safe so that there’s some money on graduation day. By this time, parents may have the benefit of knowing what college will cost and whether or not scholarships are realistic options for their child. Help your child be realistic with their expectations. State colleges boast excellent academic programs at a
lowered cost for in-state residents, and many students can take advantage of community colleges to earn college credits (especially general requirements classes) on the cheap. It’s also important to remember that asking a student to help pay his or her own college costs not only builds character, but creates an incentive for the child to make it on time to that 7:30 a.m. lab. It is, after all, his money he’s wasting if he misses it. Regardless of your child’s age, remain pragmatic about your savings plans. While paying for your child’s college career is a laudable goal, it does not automatically grant you parent of the year. Save what you can while you can, but keep in mind that scholarships, financial aid, work studies, internships, or even a child’s own earnings can all go toward paying down college costs. While loans are a scary proposition, especially for parents who are still paying off college loans of their own, they can be a reasonable source of college funding Add Your as long as the loan amount and interest rates Thoughts! are kept in check.
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Parents still have time to start saving even if children are a little older, but the gift of time is drawing to a close. With a shorter time span comes a renewed sense of urgency. While it may be tempting to take the kids meager nest egg to Vegas and let it ride, it’s not the best idea. Conservative monthly investments are better than one big risky investment in the next big thing. Changes in circumstances, like the birth of a new baby or a change in career, can make it necessary to adapt and adjust. It’s also sometimes wise to postpone college savings in lieu of other expenses. Retirement savings should be paramount to college savings because whereas college students may quality for student loans, retirees are not entitled to such generosity.
FACTor FICTION Do you struggle to keep it together? Us too! Cyndi Wright shares her top three tips to keep your family on the level. BY CYNDI WRIGHT
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The Perfect Parent:
Apparently I hit the snooze button one too many times. Again. Even the best routines get derailed, especially when stress silences that tiny voice inside my head that’s begging for structure and order. Luckily, I’ve found a few things I can do to help me coast during those times.
THINK AHEAD Something as simple as laying out clothes for the kids (and myself) the night before, or making tomorrow’s lunches while I’m already cooking dinner have proven invaluable. While I always intend to wake up early enough to do all these things in the morning, it’s nice having a safety net.
TAKE CARE OF YOU When I’m stressed, I often let myself go. It’s usually something small, like throwing on a hat instead of styling my hair, or opting for sweats instead of something more flattering. Whatever the case, when I take a little extra time to care for and groom myself, I feel much better.
BREATHE, STRETCH, SHAKE—AND LET IT GO Are you agonizing about whether or not you’re the parent you want to be? You are wasting valuable time. Instead, spend time DOING the things you’d like to do better or more often. Whenever you feel guilt setting in, focus that energy on a plan of action instead. There’s no such thing as a perfect parent, but if you’re trying, you’re amazing—and that’s more than enough!
Add Your Thoughts!
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I
I groggily reach for my phone to check the time, and when I notice how late it is, I mouth a mild expletive and hop out of bed, racing to the kids’ room to begin my daily role of drill sergeant. I bark orders to get them up, motivated, and out the door with all their necessary belongings. On time.
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Helping friends cope with
MISCARRIAGE Want to console your friend? Tread lightly, and make sure she knows you’re always there for her.
S
Statistics say that one in five women have suffered a miscarriage. While it is a natural human tendency to want to help, oftentimes well-meaning words of comfort do little to soothe the sudden and intense heartbreak of a lost pregnancy. Telling a woman that it was “for the best” or suggesting she “try again” trivializes the loss and all the hopes, dreams, and potential lost with it.
Women react differently to miscarriages. Some, especially those who had not yet announced the pregnancy, opt to keep the news private. Others who have already announced the pregnancy are forced to share the devastating news, seemingly retracting the happiness they had so willingly shared. It’s a painful admission to make, even after time has passed, and great care should be taken to respect her feelings.
normalcy. Above all, being available is the most loving response there is. Finally, don’t forget the partner’s feelings. He or she is usually the one expected to provide the comfort and care, but may need some reassurances as well. Her partner, too, is experiencing a loss of their Add Your own, and care should be Thoughts! taken to make sure their own need to mourn and grieve isn’t forgotten.
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What is the appropriate reaction? A heartfelt “I’m sorry” and a sincere offer to be there if needed goes a long way. Some feel compelled to send a card, but stick to a “thinking of you” card over a sympathy card in this instance. While she may not feel up to visitors, sending text messages, e-mails, flowers, delivered meals, or phone calls can also help show support during the difficult time. After a little bit of time has passed, offers to take her out to eat, to the movies, or other such places that may help her regain a semblance of
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MOVIE RATING
Mishaps MPAA movie ratings don’t always get it right. We can help!
C
Confused about movie ratings? Chances are you aren’t alone. While movie ratings were once the unquestionable authority on the amount of violence, profanity, blood, and gore contained in a movie, ratings have become a bit murkier in recent years. Questionable scare factors in recent Pixar movies Frozen and Brave (for the ice monster and roaring bears, respectively) earned the films PG ratings, whereas Milo and Otis (which contains a graphic birthing scene) and Babe (which discusses butchering practices), maintained solid G ratings. And while Cars 2 is rated G despite the torture and murder of a car in an early scene, Despicable Me 2 earned a PG rating because of goofy, minion-related bopping. In other words, traditional children-friendly ratings may not provide the insight you’re hoping for.
What about the classics? The vast majority of animated movies made prior to 2000 were almost automatically bestowed with a coveted G-rating just because they were animated. Just look at the G-rated Disney movie The Hunchback of Notre Dame, where one of the songs, “Hellfire,” details a character’s urge to murder the film’s heroine. The seemingly rubber-stamped rating raised eyebrows when it was released in 1996, and film raters took notice. The dawn of the new millennium brought animated movies like Antz and Titan A. E. that pushed the envelope so much that the Motion Picture Association of America broke from tradition to label the movies with solid PG ratings. Once Shrek hit the theaters with its hardwon PG rating, fewer and fewer movies were deemed G-rated even though the
thematic elements were sometimes milder than their predecessors’. Movies made before 1984 lend even more confusion to the rating system. The modern ratings system was not in place until 1968, meaning that classic tearjerkers like Old Yeller and Bambi carry the unhelpful label of “approved.” Moreover, the system was initially designed to bestow G, PG, and R ratings on movies. PG-13 wasn’t introduced until 1984, and movies made prior to that year were never adjusted for the new ratings. As a result, kid-friendly PG-rated movies like Frozen, Shrek, and Wreck It Ralph share the same movie rating as Top Gun, Poltergeist, and Jaws. The Goonies may be a popular nostalgic movie for today’s parents, but its penis jokes, profane language, and drug references carry the exact same rating as the considerably tamer The Incredibles.
What’s a parent to do? The bottom line is that parents can’t rely on movie ratings when deciding whether or not a movie is appropriate for little ones. Modern G-rated movies like Winnie the Pooh are fairly lighthearted, but older G-rated movies aren’t as easy to watch (think of poor Simba after his father dies in The Lion King). Parents must consider the release date for older movies as well as the descriptive modifier next to each ratings box. These modifiers strive to indicate why the movie received the rating it did, indicating such elements as language, sensuality, brief nudity, drug use, or violence. This is particularly important in an age where Salem’s Lot and The Muppets are both considered PG movies.
Some parents find website-designated ratings more user-friendly than the official ratings system. Common Sense Media (http://www.commonsensemedia.org), a non-profit organization based in San Francisco, California, uses their own ratings system to provide information to parents. Movies earn ratings of on (meaning content is age appropriate), pause (it’s a little edgy), off (not appropriate for the given age), or not for kids (totally inappropriate for kids of any age). Furthermore, Common Sense Media determines a minimum age level to help parents decide whether or not a movie is appropriate for a particular age group. Some religious organizations have made movie ratings their mission as well. The conservative Christian group Focus on the Family’s movie-based website PluggedIn subscribes to the MPAA movie ratings system, but takes the information even farther by providing a synopsis of the movie; positive elements and negative elements within the film; spiritual, sexual, and violent content; crude or profane language; and drug and alcohol content. Their list is exhaustive and even details what characters wear (a low cut top or visible bra strap are considered sexual content) and say (“jeez” is considered profanity). Although the MPAA ratings system may be the best well-known way to gauge a movie’s appropriateness, it’s not necessarily a perfect system. Don’t be afraid to look a little deeper into a movie’s content before Add Your deciding whether or not Thoughts! it’s something your child should see. You may be surprised by what you find.
PHOTO: ALEX RATHS/THINKSTOCK
Spot
Treatments Help banish teen breakouts with gentle cleansing and a healthy diet.
P
Pimples are a staple of the teenage years, but the occasional spot is a mild annoyance compared to the kids who develop acne. True acne is a condition in which multiple pimples (often inflamed and painful) appear on the face, neck, shoulders, chest, or back. For those kids, teenage years can be miserable.
Up to 87% of teenagers deal with acne at some point during adolescence. If you had acne as a teen, your child has a pretty good chance of developing it as well. Though the main cause of acne is due to hormones, genetics play a role as well. While you can’t do anything about genetics or hormones, certain healthy habits can help your teenager reduce the number of breakouts.
A gentle rub-a-dub-dub
Over washing strips necessary oils from the skin, causing the body to over produce oil to balance out the scrubbing. Washing once or twice a day with lukewarm water is more helpful than scrubbing or using harsh cleansers. The best time for your teen to wash their face is before bed to remove the dirt, oil, and makeup that accumulated during the day.
Avoid the temptation There’s a very basic thought process behind the decision to pop a pimple: doing so will clear the pore, which will get rid of the major skin eruption. If only it were that easy.
Squeezing a pimple does clear the pore, but it also leads to further skin irritation, inflammation, and infection. Picking and popping also can lead to scarring. As hard as it can be, your teen needs to leave the pimple alone and let it run its course. It will heal much quicker this way. However, your child doesn’t have to necessarily stick to the pimple’s timetable. Certain over-the-counter acne medications, specifically those containing benzoyl peroxide or salicylic acid, work to shrink the pimple and shorten its duration. A pimple that shows up in the morning won’t be gone by the time the dance starts that night, but it will be smaller and more easily concealed.
Stay out of bed Tanning bed, that is. Although tanning beds were once touted as the miracle cure for acne (probably by those who sold tanning beds), this course of treatment has since been disproven. Tanning beds simply don’t cure acne. In fact, the UV light has been directly linked to premature skin aging and an increased risk of skin cancer. Don’t let your teen buy into the idea that
PHOTO: ALEX RATHS/THINKSTOCK
Some teenagers are mortified when acne develops because of the mistaken belief that acne is caused by dirty skin. They scrub harder than Lady Macbeth in the hopes that cleaner skin will result in fewer zits. When it doesn’t work, they wash their face more often with hotter water and more vigorous scrubbing. It’s a vicious cycle that can further inflame their breakouts.
a few “fake bake” sessions will clear up their skin. It won’t, and it may lead to more problems later on.
Mom may have been right Certain foods, like chocolate, French fries, and chips, have been maligned for decades as direct causes of acne. Eat a cheeseburger, some moms warned, and you’ll have a major breakout the next day. Foods have a direct impact on the body’s overall operation. Some foods lead to more inflammation in the body, while others tend to clean up inflammation. Some balance out bacteria while others increase production of certain hormones. All of these factors have a direct relationship on the skin. So yes, fatty foods can lead to acne, but not for reasons you might expect. Fried and heavily processed foods lead to bodily inflammation. High-glycemic index foods, or foods that cause a spike in blood sugar (think white bread or cookies), can lead to an overproduction of soil that results in blocked pores. Milk proteins also are believed to influence hormone production, which can lead to breakouts. It turns out that foods promoted for overall good health are the foods recommended to avoid acne. Antiinflammatory foods, particularly foods that have omega-3 fatty acids such as
fish, nuts, and avocados, can soothe the skin and lead to fewer breakouts. The antioxidants in fruits and vegetables act as clean-up crews against the free-radicals in the body that lead to acne. Cacao, the ingredient that makes chocolate chocolate, may indeed prevent acne as long as the chocolate is at least 70% cacao (dark chocolate). Studies are still being conducted regarding the benefits of probiotics and zinc for skin health. Ointments and creams containing zinc are often used as an effective acne treatment, so there may be a connection between foods high in zinc and acne prevention. Avoid zinc supplements, which may have side effects, and encourage your teen to eat foods high in zinc (e.g., oysters, cashews, or spinach) or take a zinc-containing multivitamin. Probiotics, in foods like yogurt and sauerkraut, also may impact the body’s ability to handle digestive inflammation, making them useful acne deterrents. Acne can be controlled with home remedies or over-the-counter remedies, but sometimes acne is so severe or causes so much stress that a doctor’s appointment is necessary. Your primary care physician can prescribe more heavyduty treatment, and Add Your your dermatologist can Thoughts! decide a course of action for persistent or severe cases of acne.
PARENTING CULTURES IN
America
PHOTO: GEORGE DOYLE/THINKSTOCK
Studies suggest there are four major categories of parenting types. How does your family fit in?
A
A study by the University of Virginia found that there are essentially four types of family cultures in modern day America. The study looked beyond the popular labels (i.e., helicopter parents) and evaluated “parents’ habits, dispositions, hopes, fears, assumptions, and expectations for their children.”
THE FAITHFUL Twenty percent of American parents fall into this category. These parents subscribe to a religious doctrine and use the tenets of said doctrine to instill social traditions and morality in their homes and children. Raising children who adhere to reflect religious beliefs is the main goal, while children’s success and happiness is a secondary goal.
ENGAGED PROGRESSIVES
parents believe that kids will be kids and that the future will take care of itself.
AMERICAN DREAMERS Twenty-seven percent of parents are American Dreamers. These parents are optimistic about their children’s abilities and opportunities and have an intense desire to be part of their children’s lives. They strive to provide every possible advantage to their children, and work to protect them from negative influences. Regardless of which category parents fall into, a large majority of American parents express a desire for their children to become Add Your loving, responsible, Thoughts! and honest adults who demonstrate good moral character.
THE DETACHED Twenty-one percent of parents fall into this category. These parents are generally pessimistic about their ability to protect their children from outside influences. They spend less than two hours per day interacting with their children and report low levels of marital happiness. These
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Twenty-one percent of American parents believe that morality centers around personal freedom and responsibility. These parents are skeptical of organized religion and are optimistic about their children’s futures. They value honesty and encourage their children to learn to make responsible choices, often at younger ages than parents who fall in other categories.
IS ONCE A MONTH
cooking for You? If daily cooking is dragging you down, prepping and cooking food once a month can help!
PHOTO: WAVEBREAKMEDIA LTD/THINKSTOCK
BY CRYSTAL PL ANTE
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One of the most organized women I know has five amazing kids, works a couple of part-time jobs, volunteers with several local organizations, and still manages to cook and sew. I once asked her how she did it, and her answer surprised me. “I cook once a month,” she told me. “That means less cooking, less cleaning, more time. I couldn’t do it any other way.” Had I been smart, I would have looked into this once-a-month cooking deal immediately. However, I was not smart. I was barely managing to find time with my own three young kids, so I put her advice aside. Several years and another kid later, time and money were more important than ever, and I had to do something to restore sanity in my household.
Crash and burn My first foray into once-a-month cooking did not go well. Rather than jump full force into the OAMC universe, I decided to make a week’s worth of meals. Unfortunately, I did not budget correctly, did not have a dishwasher to use as I worked my way through the recipes, and chose foods to cook that my family didn’t particularly care for. Perhaps it was a sign that at the end of my first OAMC session, I was so tired we ordered pizza. I kept forgetting to thaw the food overnight prior to cooking, and I ended up throwing food away to buy better-tasting, prepackaged counterpart (e.g., Pop Tarts). Another year passed. My husband bought me a dishwasher for Valentine’s Day (a welcome gift that went a long way
toward improving our relationship) and our food budget tightened. I decided to give OAMC another shot.
Lessons learned OAMC was better the second time around. I found recipes online I knew my family would actually eat and enjoy (thank you, Pinterest). I spread the cooking out to two days over the course of one weekend so I didn’t make myself crazy. While not technically “once a month,” it works for me. I also managed to routinely put one casserole in the oven while putting the next day’s meals in the refrigerator to thaw. Because I’m not preparing a whole meal every night, cleanup has become quicker and easier, giving me more time to spend with the kids. And what’s the biggest surprise with OAMC? Whereas my family of six never ever had leftovers, OAMC stretched our food so that we’ve found ourselves having leftovers at least once a week. Bonus!
Where to begin Are your ready to start OAMC? Here are a few steps I learned the hard way: Pick and choose your recipes based on your family’s tastes and preferences. It may sound simple, but it’s harder than you know. Cook from your cabinets first. You’d be amazed at what you can throw together from food you already have. Make a comprehensive grocery list. Otherwise, grocery trips for forgotten ingredients will offset the time you save.
The crock pot is your friend. Always. If you have to, prep one day and assemble the next. There’s no rule against it. Wash the dishes as you go. Your kitchen will be clean by the time you pop that last meal in the freezer.
BREAKFAST BURRITOS 12 eggs, scrambled 1 pound sausage, cooked and drained 2 cups cheese 2 cups hash browns, frozen 24 six-inch flour tortillas
Label the meals with the contents, date assembled, and cooking instructions. This prevents surprises later on. Not everything has to be defrosted before baking. You can increase baking times on most foods and still be OK. Remember that time is money. Some products you can buy at the store are easier and taste better than those you may try to make at home. You can find OAMC recipes all over the internet, but here is one of my family’s favorites. Enjoy!
Lay the tortillas on the counter. Place one spoonful of each of the ingredients on each tortilla. Roll up and place on a greased cookie sheet. Place in the freezer to flash freeze. Once frozen, remove from the freezer and wrap each burrito in a paper towel. Place in a freezer bag. To eat, microwave for 2 minutes and let set one minute. Serve with salsa. PHOTO: BHOFACK2/THINKSTOCK
Buy aluminum pans with lids. You don’t want to freeze your meals in the same Pyrex pan you need to use for your daughter’s bake sale. Wash and reuse them a couple times if possible.
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Date Making time for your significant other is crucial for your relationship—and your children.
PHOTO: IMONKEY BUSINESS IMAGES LTD/THINKSTOCK
MAKE IT A
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Sometimes it’s easy to get lost in the parenting trenches—children tend to be all consuming. As a result, we often forget being a parent isn’t just about feeding, clothing, and making sure homework gets done: it’s also about modeling healthy relationships. Your children need to feel secure. They need to know their parents (or parent) value and make time for each other. If prioritizing one another is difficult, set date nights—sans children—to reconnect. Find out what works best for you and your family, whether it’s a weekly or monthly event, and check the calendar. Once you’ve found a day (or night) that’s free from school events, family gatherings, meetings, or extracurricular
commitments, schedule a sitter and vow to keep that timeslot free. Choose something you will both enjoy, or alternate every date night doing something that appeals to the other person. Dedicate your efforts to enjoying your time and learning about your partner. Your date nights can be elaborate or simple, fancy or frugal— it’s just important you use the time to decompress and enjoy your partner. Avoid talking about your kids or your budget, or at least set aside a half an hour at the end of your date to tackle any issues. Smile, laugh, and strengthen your relationship. The stronger your bond, the stronger your family will be as a whole.
NEED A FEW IDEAS TO GET YOU STARTED? ✓✓ PLAN A TRIP TOGETHER
✓✓ GO TO A KARAOKE BAR
✓✓ DINNER AND A MOVIE
✓✓ HAVE COFFEE AT THE LOCAL BOOKSTORE
✓✓ PICNIC ✓✓ VISIT A MUSEUM ✓✓ DOUBLE DATE ✓✓ HIT UP AN ARCADE WITH A ROLL OF QUARTERS
✓✓ CREATE A BUCKET LIST, AND CROSS OFF ONE ITEM ON EVERY DATE ✓✓ PATRONIZE AN ART GALLERY
✓✓ TAKE CLASSES TOGETHER (E.G., COOKING, PAINTING, OR DANCING)
✓✓ SIGN UP FOR A COUPLES’ MASSAGE
✓✓ VISIT A COMEDY CLUB ✓✓ TOUR A BREWERY OR WINERY
✓✓ ENJOY A LOCAL CARNIVAL
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Keep it
Clean
PHOTO: DEJAN RISTOVSKI/THINKSTOCK
Do you over rely on hand sanitizers? Get the dirt here.
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Hand sanitizers. Those ubiquitous bottles of clear gel come in a variety of sizes, scents, and colors and can be found in purses, cafeterias, and hospitals. According to the bottle, hand sanitizers kill 99.9% of illness-causing germs—nothing short of magic in a bottle. Except that it isn’t. While hand sanitizers do a darn good job of protecting against illness, they aren’t the cure all some germaphobes hope for.
Fact 1:
Fact 4:
Believe it or not, there is a right and wrong way to apply hand sanitizer, and many people do it wrong. First of all, the hand sanitizer has to contain at least 60% isopropyl or ethyl alcohol to be effective. Time matters, too. You have to have enough sanitizer on your paws to last for twenty seconds or more. Spend less time rubbing, and germies are still on your hands. Remember that when your kid scrubs for two seconds and wipes the rest on your jeans.
Yes, hand sanitizer is great for those times when soap and water aren’t available, but they will never entirely replace the traditional approach to hand washing. Sanitizers were created to disinfect hands, not to clean. Hand sanitizer won’t do much for stickiness, dirt, or boogers. Despite the inconvenience, there are times you have to bite the bullet and find the nearest sink.
YOU HAVE TO DO IT RIGHT
Fact 2:
THEY DON’T LAST FOREVER How long are your hands sanitized once you’ve slathered that miracle gel on your hand? As you may remember from high school science class, alcohol evaporates quickly. If you scrub for twenty seconds, the rest of the alcohol will have evaporated after thirty seconds. You are protected from new germs for approximately two minutes. Those two minutes might protect you from the germs on the doorknob, but it won’t protect you for an entire trip through the mall.
Fact 3:
SOME GERMS KNOW BETTER Hand sanitizers will kill the germs on your hand, but they don’t differentiate. This means that your hand sanitizer will obliterate the good germs that help protect your skin, too. In addition, there are some germs that hand sanitizers just won’t kill. People have gotten icky bugs like E. coli and norovirus even after using hand sanitizer.
THEY CAN’T REPLACE SOAP AND WATER
Fact 5:
WATCH OUT FOR IRRITATION Overuse of hand sanitizers can lead to redness and irritation, and some people are more sensitive to them than others. Go easy on the amount you use during the day, and follow up with a soothing lotion.
Fact 6:
DESPITE EVERYTHING ELSE, IT REALLY IS SAFE FOR KIDS You’ve no doubt heard about the dangers of kids ingesting hand sanitizer and getting “drunk.” Apparently the Texas Poison Control Center did too, because they ran the numbers. What did they find? A two-year old child would have to ingest a minimum of four teaspoons of hand sanitizer before experiencing toxicity. A quick lick of hand sanitizer isn’t going to do much damage, particularly since it’s evaporating quickly once it hits the hand. But parental supervision is still advised. Add Your foods from drying out or Thoughts! picking up odors.
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CONTROL THE
Remote Control Control your family’s TV so it isn’t controlling you.
Thousands of studies have explored the effects of television on children. What do we know? ∞∞ Not all television is bad. TV offers educational opportunities, pro-social messages, and information that can expand children’s worldview.
∞∞ Most TV shows do not teach values parents want children to learn. Many are violent, stereotypical, or glorify mean behavior.
∞∞ Children start watching TV younger ∞∞ Advertisers target young viewers. than other forms of media, with Children see tens of thousands of children aged two to five watching an commercials every year, including over average of 32 hours of television shows, 2,000 commercials for alcohol. DVDs, DVRs, and video games. ∞∞ Children who watch TV are more likely ∞∞ Many parents report that they to be overweight than those who encourage their toddlers to watch TV. do not. ∞∞ Television takes time away from other important childhood experiences, such as playing outside, reading, practicing skills, and eating together as a family.
∞∞ Excessive TV viewing can cause sleep disturbances that can persist into adulthood.
While the impact of early childhood TV viewing is still unknown, the American Academy of Pediatrics takes a hard line on early viewing, strongly recommending that children under the age of two not watch TV at all. They point out that “talking, singing, reading, listening to music, or playing are far more important than any TV show.”
WHAT’S A PARENT TO DO? As with anything else, parental supervision is advised. Know what your kids are watching, and watch the show with them to discuss what is and isn’t appropriate. Monitor shows and limit those that are inappropriate, violent, or ill-suited to the child’s personality or tolerance level. Limit screen time and know Add Your what role you want TV to play in your family. Control Thoughts! your family’s TV so it isn’t controlling you.
PHOTO: SERR NOVIK/THINKSTOCK
Goal Setting F O R
K I D S
Already ditched this year’s resolutions? Commit to positive change that will last. BY KATIE HALE
BE REALISTIC. Setting hyper-specific goals can leave you and your child frustrated. Losing ten pounds doesn’t sound unreasonable, but if you don’t hit that exact number, it’s discouraging. Encourage resolutions that are a little more generic so that it’ll be easier to persevere even when a specific goal isn’t met. DON’T IMPLY INADEQUACY. Make sure your child’s resolutions focus on who they are rather than who they aren’t. Create a resolution that enhances their strengths instead of their weaknesses. EMBRACE KNOWLEDGE AND EDUCATION. Rather than saying, “I will get better at math,” encourage your kids to learn and grow in multiple areas. Encourage independent research about subjects of interest, or invest in encyclopedias, books, games, or apps that will help further your child’s education. By giving your kids and your family long-term goals that encourage growth and play to your strengths, you can help make your lives healthier and happier.
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PHOTO: INGRAM PUBLISHING/THINKSTOCK
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Every year millions of people set (and usually forget) their New Year’s resolutions. By the time the trees bud, many have already given up. The trick to making resolutions stick is to forget the hype and focus on the reason behind the desired change. Here are some of our favorite ways to encourage your kids to set achievable goals.
PACKING FOR THE HOSPITAL 101 BY CRYSTAL PL ANTE
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You don’t have to look far to find a plethora of suggestions for packing your labor and delivery bag. Some lists make it look like you’re packing for an extended survival camp, whereas other detail the bare minimum, leaving you to wonder if you’re nuts for wanting to pack more. So what should you really plan to take with you to the hospital for the big day?
PHOTO: 4774344SEAN/THINKSTOCK
What should you really plan to take with you to the hospital for the big day?
✓✓ CUTE PAJAMAS: Your own pajamas may make you feel more at home. As a mom of four, I never brought my own pajamas. You are going to be bleeding, nursing, getting rid of excess fluid, and filling up with milk. I personally preferred to use the hospital’s attire for of this.
✓✓ A CUTE ROBE: I do, however, suggest a cute robe to go over the hospital gown. It’s comfortable, will make you feel more presentable for visitors, and make for better pictures.
✓✓ SLIPPERS: I used to work in hospital housekeeping. Trust me—you want slippers.
✓✓ HAIR PRODUCTS: A shower feels so good after all the hard work of delivering. Though you don’t want to use body wash if you’re nursing, shampoo and conditioner can go a long ways in making you feel human again. Ditto for a brush and hair bands.
✓✓ TOOTHBRUSH AND DEODORANT: Again, that humanity thing.
✓✓ MAKE-UP: While it’s certainly not a
✓✓ BABY BOOK AND TWO PENS: Most hospitals will put your baby’s footprints right in the baby book if you ask. Bring two pens in case one quits working
✓✓ SNACKS: The nurses will usually bring you whatever you want, but they’re too busy to cater to your every hormonal whim. Bring your own and you won’t have to bother them or deal with cravings for something they don’t have.
✓✓ GOING HOME CLOTHES: You WILL NOT fit in your normal clothes yet. Bring your comfy maternity clothes, big ugly cotton panties, and a bra. You may want some extra sanitary pads if you have a long ride home.
✓✓ STUFF FOR DAD: A change of clothes, coins for the vending machines, toiletries, and maybe something to pass the time.
✓✓ BABY GEAR: The going home outfit, receiving blanket, and car seat should suffice. The hospital has everything else and visitors will shower you with lots more stuff to take home.
necessity, you may want to have it on hand if it makes you feel more at ease.
✓✓ GLASSES/CONTACTS: You want to be able to see your new bundle of joy, not just a blob or blur.
✓✓ CAMERA AND EXTRA BATTERIES: Don’t forget the extra batteries. Really.
✓✓ CELL PHONE AND CHARGER: The charger is super important. You don’t want the battery to die in the middle of a call to Grandma.
Above all, pack what you think you will need to be comfortable. If you think you need more and don’t feel comfortable leaving it at home, by all means pack it in a separate bag and leave it in the car. If you need it during your stay, someone can Add Your go get it for you. If you Thoughts! don’t need it, it won’t be taking up space in your hospital room.
Games
Looking for a screen-free family activity that promotes learning and friendly competition? Look no further than the Monopoly Man.
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Do you love educational apps, but worry about the amount of screen time your child spends on them each day? Are you looking for a fun, interactive, and memorable way to reinforce your child’s learning and bond as a family?
THROW OPEN THE CLOSET AND DUST OFF THE BOARD GAMES. Few technological devices offer the same interactive learning opportunities. Board games offer a host of benefits: ∞∞ ∞∞ ∞∞ ∞∞ ∞∞ ∞∞ ∞∞ ∞∞ ∞∞ ∞∞ ∞∞ ∞∞ ∞∞ ∞∞
Color and shape recognition Pattern recognition Counting Letter and word recognition Reading Following directions Hand-eye coordination Manual dexterity Problem-solving Sportsmanship Strategy Verbal communication Sharing Taking turns
Moreover, almost all board games require more than one person to play, making them perfect for family time. Online versions of the most popular games like Monopoly, Connect Four, and Life exist, but they are no substitute for a little family competition. First and foremost, board games are meant to be fun—even when you’re learning the rules. Don’t allow anyone (yourself included) to get overly competitive and ruin it for everyone. Also be mindful of the impulse to cheat—especially if you’re getting beat by an overly confident preteen. You need to set a positive example. That being said, you may want to adjust or adapt the rules so younger kids can feel successful. Part of board games is learning to win and lose, but it’s also important to give everyone a fair shot.
PHOTO: BRIAN MCENTIRE/THINKSTOCK
“Bored”
NEED SOME INSPIRATION FOR YOUR OWN FAMILY BOARD GAME NIGHT? TRY ONE OF THE FOLLOWING CLASSICS: CANDYLAND – Candyland is usually
BOGGLE – Like Scrabble, Boggle also
one of the first board games a child plays because it only involves drawing a card, identifying colors, matching, and moving. It’s a great game to teach the importance of rules, taking turns, and perseverance.
comes in a junior edition and helps build literacy skills. Unlike Scrabble, though, Boggle focuses more on letter and word recognition and matching skills.
Chutes and Ladders was actually meant teach morality. Good deeds move you up, bad deeds bring you down. Chutes and Ladders remains a classic game to teach counting, and some research indicates it helps students understand number lines.
CLUE – While we all know that it was undoubtedly Colonel Mustard in the library with the candlestick, Clue is sometimes used in college courses to teach computer programming. Why? Because it’s the perfect game to boost the use of logic, deduction, and inference.
SCRABBLE – Hardcore Scrabble players are renowned for their tremendous vocabulary skills. Besides promoting literacy and language skills, Scrabble also assists in vocabulary development, spelling, and pattern recognition. Scrabble Junior provides the right mix of fun and education for younger kids, too.
overheard during a game of Life are entertaining in and of themselves. Beyond that, the game not only promotes reading and money management, but also decision making, planning ahead, and cause and effect.
MONOPOLY – Is there any better game to teach math skills than Monopoly? Whether playing the shorter and easier junior edition or the original marathon version, Monopoly rewards color recognition, reading, and reasoning.
CHESS – Chess is the ultimate board game. Study after study shows how playing chess promotes memory development, problem-solving skills, concentration, and foresight. Chess players tend to have better math and reading skills than nonAdd Your chess players, too, and Thoughts! there are documented incidences of IQ boosts after learning the game.
PHOTO: COPRID/THINKSTOCK
CHUTES AND LADDERS – The original
LIFE – Some of the conversations
PHOTO: MONKEY BUSINESS IMAGES/THINKSTOCK
“Anyone who does anything to help a child in his life is a hero to me.” – Fred Rogers