June/July
2014
RAISING CHILDREN in an INTERFAITH HOUSEHOLD
Making Parties Inclusive Regardless of Abilities, Allergies, or Activities
When HOME AND OFFICE Collide SOCIALLY SAVVY:
SAFE SOCIAL SHARING of your VACATION PHOTOS
IF YOU WANT YOUR KIDS TO
Grow Up Move Out AND
– Start With This!
ON THE COVER
AND MORE…
If You Want Your Kids To Grow Up And Move Out – Start With This!
You Are What You Eat!
Three strategies to get your kids involved at home and ready for the future.
Making Parties Inclusive Regardless of Abilities, Allergies, or Activities You can celebrate differences and make your gatherings welcoming—without the stress.
Socially Savvy: Safe Social Sharing of your Vacation Photos Beware what you share! Get the lowdown on safely using Facebook on vacation.
When Home and Office Collide Four strategies to make your home office rock.
Raising Children in an Interfaith Household Five ways to compromise (and keep the faith).
FEATURES Can You Teach Siblings to Encourage One Another? We think so! Strengthen sibling relationships with these four parent-tested tips.
Playing It Safe: Preventing Drowning Drowning, while tragic, is often wholly preventable. By monitoring your child around bodies of water and taking a few extra precautions.
Reading: The Gift of a Lifetime Why spending even five minutes of reading-time into your child’s day can have long-lasting benefits.
What’s BPA? This chemical is found in everything from plastics to aluminum can linings, and its potential health risks are unclear.
What was that, honey? Even bees have a sweet tooth! (Don’t) Get Lost! Getting separated can be scary. With a little prior planning, you can prepare for better outcomes. “A” is for Advice Q: Due to religious beliefs, my daughter’s best friend can’t celebrate birthdays. Help! Birth Order and Personality The order in which your kids are born may have a greater impact on their personalities than you think! A Bright Start with Breakfast Discover the health benefits of a delicious and nutritious morning meal. To the Dentist We Go Visiting the dentist isn’t so bad! Fun Ways to Practice Spelling Spelling doesn’t have to be a chore! New research gives us insight as to how to encourage good spelling study habits without rote memorization. Ice Cream in a Can I scream, you scream, we all scream for homemade ice cream!
COVER PHOTO: BANANA STOCK/THINKSTOCK
contents Contents
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Carissa Pelletier PUBLISHER & EDITOR-IN-CHIEF ASSOCIATE EDITOR
Jennifer Anderson SOCIAL CONTENT MANAGER
Prerna Malik GRAPHIC DESIGNERS
Alvaro Beleza Livia Beleza CONTRIBUTING EDITOR
Crystal Plante CONTRIBUTORS
Angela Todd Betsy Lulu Helen Butler Tamara Hackett Tammy Spodek Tara Ross Thea Arnold
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When I Grow Up We’re finally sloughing off the remains of what was a brutal winter (and chilly spring) for many folks in the US. Summer never looked so good! As school vacations approach, there’s no better opportunity for a little time off. Get out of the house, soak up some sun, and spend quality time together. Hand me a colorful beverage and a bendy straw—I’m ready. But taking a vacation doesn’t necessitate a plane ticket, road trip, or palm trees: you can get your rest and relaxation without leaving home. Staycations are in, and they’re budget friendly. Shake up your daily routines with elaborate, late-morning breakfasts. Be a tourist in your own town, or camp out in your backyard. You can even choose a week-long project for the entire family to focus on: planting a garden, dabbling in gourmet cooking, or learning a new skill. The most important thing? Enjoy each other. Relish the small moments and triumphs your time off affords you. In this issue we ask you to celebrate differences, grow your children’s individual strengths, engage your family, and explore conflicting priorities with open hearts and minds. And that vacation? We’ve got you covered with helpful tips to safely manage social media while you’re away.
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Carissa Pelletier Editor-In-Chief
We Asked... What did you learn as a kid that your children will never know? How to wind a cassette tape with your pinky. How to fix a game cartridge for Atari by removing it and blowing on it before putting it back in. How to maneuver rabbit ears for the best picture. How to use a rotary dial phone. Yes – I am THAT old. – TAMMY SPODEK
I learned how to ride in the back window ledge and floorboards of our car... Most cars didn’t even have seatbelts then! Buckle up, kiddos!!
How to make mix tapes and how to splice them with scotch tape. Also memorizing phone numbers! Now that I have a cellphone, I don’t know anybody’s numbers, but I still remember mine in elementary school: 743.2212!
The feeling of dashing to the cassette recorder when your favorite song came on the radio so you could record it.
– ANGELA TODD
– TARA ROSS
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– ANDREA MILLARD
YOU ARE
Need help convincing your kids to eat healthier? Share this fun fact! Bees in France recently began producing strange colored honey. The amber-colored honey inexplicably turned green and blue. Investigators discovered that the bees had been eating the candy coating from uncovered outdoor vats at a nearby waste-processing plant! The vats have Add Your since been covered and Thoughts! beekeepers are hoping honey returns to more normal colors.
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what you eat
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) t ’ n o (D get lost! We don’t like to think about preparing a child for being lost, but as usual, it’s better to be safe than sorry. Here are three tips: ∞∞ Take a picture of your child with your cell phone when you arrive at your destination. You’ll have the most current photo and the clothing they are wearing.
∞∞ Have your child memorize your name and phone number. ∞∞ Instruct your children to find someone in uniform or a mom with kids if he or she ever becomes separated from you. Add Your These two groups of Thoughts! people almost always know what to do!
“A”is for Advice Q: My daughter’s tenth birthday is
BY CRYSTAL PL ANTE
coming up soon, and I’ve promised her that she can have a birthday party. The problem is that her best friend practices a religion that doesn’t celebrate birthdays. I don’t want to exclude the little girl from the festivities, but I don’t want to offend her family by sending an invitation. My daughter really wants her to be a part of her big day. What should I do?
open for negotiation (like bedtime or chores) others are not. Religion is one of those non-negotiable areas. While you see birthdays as a time meant for fun celebration, your daughter’s friend sees them differently. It’s not your place to decide whether that outlook is right or wrong, but it is your place to demonstrate tolerance and respect by not placing your daughter’s best friend in an awkward position. No matter how much your daughter wants her friend to come to the party, you cannot ask her to forgo her beliefs for the sake of your daughter. You can, however, talk to the friend’s parent about the situation. Many people are hesitant to ask others about their religious beliefs, but an open dialogue can go a long way toward dispelling misunderstandings and prejudices. In fact, the girl’s parents will probably appreciate your thoughtfulness. Assure mom or dad that you don’t want to make them
uncomfortable, but let them know that your daughter would like to do something special with her friend. Ask how you can accomplish this in a way that won’t infringe upon their religious beliefs. While the little girl will probably not be able to attend the party or give a gift, she may be able to spend the night or go to a movie as long as it’s for the sake of friendship and not for the sake of a birthday celebration. If the parents are unwilling to allow the girl to participate in any activity that may be contrived to be a birthday celebration, drop it. Pushing the issue may result in the loss of the friendship. Want to ask any of our experts for advice? Visit our Ask a Question page to submit your dilemma!
Add Your Thoughts!
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A: Whereas some aspects of life are
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Making Parties INCLUSIVE
Regardless of Abilities, Allergies, or Activities BY THEA ARNOLD AND ANGEL A TODD
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Worried about how to include everyone at your child’s birthday party? Stressed about choosing the menu due to the ever-present roster of kids with food restrictions, gluten intolerance, or life-threatening peanut allergies? Keep reading. We have four children between us, each atypical to varying degrees. We’ve run into circumstances where parties were too overwhelming or too unwelcoming— largely because the parents didn’t know how to make their gatherings accessible. We’ve compiled a series of suggestions that will help you navigate those murky waters.
Send inclusive invitations Schools often have an “ask-everyone” policy to encourage inclusion and thwart bullying. Choosing inclusive language on invitations both allows parents to air “invisible” concerns (i.e., a child who might have a meltdown if surprised, exposed to loud noises, or coated in anything gooey) and shares your desire to help meet their needs. Give parents or guardians the opportunity to call and ask if their child can attend, even if they have special needs. You might say: ∞∞ If your child has any special needs or considerations, please contact us and we will be happy to accommodate. ∞∞ If your child has dietary restrictions, please let us know in advance so that we can plan accordingly! ∞∞ If your child requires adult assistant and an adult will be accompanying your child, please let us know for planning purposes.
Including all kids might be as simple as offering a warning about a potentially high noise level, or inviting an extra adult who can accompany their child into the pool. You can even offer children with sensory issues the opportunity to arrive in advance and watch the kids trickle in. Include a head count, along with an accompanying parent, aid, or paraprofessional if you are having an off-site party. Awkward? Think about what it must feel like to be a child who is constantly excluded. Use your invitation as an opportunity to encourage growth!
Plan your menu carefully Between religious considerations, varieties of vegetarianism, and food allergies, meal planning can get a little overwhelming. Just breathe. There are plenty of ways to make food look special and fun—all while keeping kids healthy and safe. Keep your guests’ limitations in mind, label everything, and try these ideas: ∞∞ Watermelon cake (e.g., watermelon cut into a cylinder that’s frosted with whipped cream) ∞∞ Creative veggie plates ∞∞ Fruit kabobs ∞∞ Pizza (e.g., whole-wheat/gluten-free crusts, turkey pepperoni, etc.) ∞∞ Fruit with whipped cream, granola, or sunflower seeds ∞∞ Fruit bouquets ∞∞ Dippers and dip (i.e., pretzels, pita, or veggies dipped in hummus, guacamole, salsa, or bean dip) ∞∞ Popcorn (with homemade toppings) ∞∞ Make-your-own yogurt parfaits ∞∞ Sundae bars ∞∞ Seltzer water with juice cubes
Give everyone the opportunity to participate Activities seem to break down into participatory parties, where the kids do or play something, and observational parties, where the kids watch a play or movie together. Evaluate the needs of your guests and plan accordingly. Participatory activities offer a wide array of potentially inclusive activities: ∞∞ POOL PARTY – Some YMCAs, Boys and Girls Clubs, JCCs, and public schools host pool parties for a small fee. Make sure you can accommodate children of all abilities (i.e., provide floating devices or additional, poolside activities for non-swimming or chlorine-sensitive kids). ∞∞ CAMPING – You don’t actually have to go anywhere. Set up a fake campsite and tell stories, eat trail-themed snacks, stargaze, or play with shadows.
∞∞ HORSEBACK RIDING – Local stables can be surprisingly affordable, and many have experience with hippotherapy (where the movements of the horse provide therapeutic input to kids with various disabilities). Talk to your stable in advance to iron out any accommodations you’ll need. ∞∞ GYMNASTICS – Some gymnastic academies have a multitude of activities for non-ambulatory children, including rings and trampolines. For a small fee, many facilities will host parties and set up obstacle courses or treasure hunts. ∞∞ ART PARTY – Host an art-themed party. Finger paints or colored chalk provide fun, creative outlets. If it’s hot outside, make clean up a game. Give them a few water guns and squirt bottles (which have easier grips) and they can squirt each other clean. ∞∞ SENSORY PLAY – Fill a sandbox (or similar container) with sand, rice, or beans that will be easy to cleanup when you’re done. Younger kids often enjoy sensory based hand play: hunting for toy cars, animals, or dolls in a bin of rice or beans, “fishing” for critters in a water-filled kiddy pool or smaller plastic bin, or playing archaeologist finding ‘”fossils” and “bones” in sand.
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Social media sites like Pinterest can fuel your creativity. You can find ingenious, delicious recipes along with gorgeous display ideas. You can check out our board for even more ideas.
∞∞ EVENING PICNIC – Host an evening picnic beneath the stars. String sheets between two trees and show a movie, pop popcorn over the fire in a basket popper, or toast marshmallows! ∞∞ TOURS – Take a bus or boat tour in your area. Several cities boast duck tours with amphibious vehicles. You may be able to go on a hayride! ∞∞ ZOOS – Call ahead for a guide and to find out if the zoo is wheelchair accessible. ∞∞ CONCERTS – Local symphonies or bands often host kids’ concerts, both indoor and outdoor. Check to see if any of your guests might be vocal or active (e.g., a child with ADHD or autism may or may not be able to remain quiet and still during a performance). ∞∞ PUPPET SHOWS – Stage a puppet show. You can always ad lib a traditional fairy tale.
∞∞ VISIT AN ANIMAL SHELTER – Some bigger animal shelters offer party programming and interactions with puppies, kitties, and bunnies. You may also have an area farm or therapy animal program that will help you plan an inclusive party that includes animals. You can scale up any of these ideas for tweens and teens. Add a documentation element where they photograph or stage a wacky news report about the event, host a cooperative sandcastle-building event, or rate party foods in a tasting contest. Older, tech-loving kids can participate in geocaching searches armed with a GPS or a smartphone app. ALL children benefit from growing up in a loving, tolerant environment, and we hope you’ll make your next party Add Your welcoming and inclusive. Thoughts! Your behavior can serve as a model for the larger community.
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Observational activities often involve a group sensory experience and are usually easier to clean up. You can hang twinkly fairy lights to make any at-home event more magical. Examples of observational parties include:
Socially Savvy:
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BY TARA ROSS, PHD
SAFE SOCIAL SHARING OF YOUR VACATION PHOTOS
A tale of two travelers Michael, a popular athlete, got married on a beautiful spring day a few years ago. He and his bride posted their rehearsal dinner and wedding photos on Facebook. They also shared their excitement in leaving town for a week on their honeymoon. They posted few pictures on their honeymoon, but they were shocked and distressed to return home and discover an empty house. Someone had stolen everything. Emma was a young journalist living with her husband in Colorado. The pair enjoyed hiking and traveling, and made a habit of sharing their travel photos and trip information on Facebook. After one long weekend away, they returned to find they had been robbed. How did this happen? Both of these couples lived in safe neighborhoods and had great friends.
Be careful what you share Although names have been changed to ensure confidentiality, both stories are true. Both stories demonstrate the power of social media in our lives, and both stories teach a costly lesson: be careful what you share. While we may have great friends who would never rob us, the nature and reach of social media means that just about anyone can see what you are posting despite your privacy settings. A status update announcing your upcoming camping trip or theme park visit tells your friends you’re excited about your
vacation plans. The same status update tells potential thieves something quite different: your home is vacant. Maybe your friends post about your upcoming trip, too. Your family shares photos that you posted to their network. Your kids announce on Twitter that they’ll be gone over spring break. Pretty soon everyone knows. Yes, you can still share your pictures on social media! A big part of my online presence involves travel photography. But why make it easier for potential predators to take advantage of you? Take proactive steps to minimize the chance that strangers will bother your home while you’re gone.
Share your pictures AFTER you return Nothing says you have to post pictures on Facebook during your trip. Keep snapping photos, journaling, and editing while on your trip—just post when you get home. You can easily create fun Animoto videos (with music!) from your pictures, or use PicMonkey to add filters and fun text overlays.
Create a SECRET Facebook group I like to post pictures during my trips because it gives a more real-time feel to the social status updates. My family and friends enjoy seeing where my husband and I are while we’re gone. To accomplish this, I create a secret Facebook group and add family and a few select friends. This
Take proactive steps to minimize prevents anyone from sharing my pictures or status updates outside of the group.
the chance that
Note that there are open, private, and secret groups on Facebook. Your goal is to create a secret group—that way, only the people you invite will be able to see it. If you create a private group titled, “Our Family Trip to Disneyworld,” people you may not know can see it as a suggestion if one of their friends is in it. Pretty soon you’ll have friends and strangers alike wanting to join your group meant for just family and close friends.
your home while
Create your secret group by clicking the “+Create Group” button on the left side navigation menu under the “Groups” heading. The following menu will allow you to choose a group name, add group members, and select the privacy level. You will have the option to make it open, private, or secret. You must have at least one other person in order to create a group, so add your traveling partner and any others you wish to include. You can upload a group cover photo, but you can also just let Facebook create a cover photo that includes the profile pictures of the members of your group. Add an initial post to explain what the group is about and why the group is secret. Once you’ve created your group, start uploading mobile pictures and writing posts as you travel. This is a great way to preserve at-the-moment thoughts and memories. Facebook will record the time and location of your mobile posts, which is also helpful in creating your travelogue.
strangers will bother you’re gone.
Write status updates on your regular feed, but set to “Only Me” Want another option? Write status updates on Facebook in your normal feed, but set the privacy of each entry to “Only Me.” This setting enables you to keep a private, at-the-moment travelogue on your regular profile. You can release the updates days or even weeks later. The critical step? Always remember to select the “Only Me” option on your mobile device and laptop. Enjoy your trip and take LOTS of pictures. Professional photographers know that it takes thousands of photos to get a few winners. You don’t need professional-grade equipment to take great vacation photos. Get close (closer than you think) to the action, take candid shots, and stop putting the main subject of the picture in the middle of the frame. I include a lot of tips for using your smartphone to take great Add Your pictures in my book, Thoughts! Social Media Mastery. Bon voyage!
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S
Birth Order and Personality
Sure, you know that all your children act differently. But have you ever considered that the reason for their difference is the order in which they were born? In the early 20th century, psychiatrist Alfred Adler proposed that children’s personalities are directly influenced by birth order.
Since then, research has been conducted that has both confirmed and denied the associated links of birth order and personality. And while birth order theory is replete with contradictions, exceptions, and generalizations, those familiar with its basic tenets can often find at least a little bit of truth in the birth order classifications.
First Borns • • • • • • • • • •
Natural leaders Reliable Conscientious Perfectionist tendencies Achievement oriented Don’t like surprises Can be aggressive Can be compliant people pleasers Model children Seek approval from authority figures
• • • • • • • •
A study in contrasts Opposite of their older sibling Secretive Peace-makers Value relationships Independent Inventive Friends are a top priority
Last Born • • • • • •
Social Outgoing Love a good time Charming Manipulative Can be irresponsible, especially with money
The traits listed above are general guidelines, as exceptions abound. Everything from adoption, divorce, blended families, alcoholism, disabilities, and sibling death can upset the traditional roles in birth order. The gender of children, such as all girls, or an older sister/little brother situation, can impact birth order, as well as age differences between the children. Interested in learning more, including how birth order affects parenting? Check out psychologist Kevin Leman’s The Birth Order Book.
Add Your Thoughts!
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Middle Children
Can You Teach Siblings to Encourage One Another? BY TAMMY SPODEK
If your child is bullied, stressed over exams, having bad dreams, or struggling with an identity crisis, it’s often your job to make it all better. Parents who have more than one child face a potentially larger challenge: how do you promote the “do your best” philosophy without promoting sibling rivalry? How can you help your kids encourage each other?
Siblings are the people we practice on, the people who teach us about fairness and cooperation and kindness and caring—quite often the hard way. — Pamela Dugdale I was recently faced with a sibling encouragement conundrum of epic proportions. My two daughters decided to audition for a local singing competition. With Murphy’s Law working overtime, I received two emails a few days later: one explaining that daughter number one hadn’t made the competition, and one
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O
On any given day, a parent needs to be a chef, chauffeur, beautician, tutor, exterminator, doctor, coach— the list is endless. But the role parents assume more often than any other is psychologist.
explaining, with great enthusiasm, that daughter number two made the cut. Gulp. What’s a Supermom to do? There’s never an easy answer—every sibling relationship is unique and requires different strategies. But, through years of trial and error, I’ve come up with four universal tactics that’ll get you through the trenches.
Think about how you’d like to be treated and then model that behavior.
MODEL THE DESIRED BEHAVIOR It’s no secret that kids will learn from their parents’ behavior. Yet all too often I hear parents calling other drivers unspeakably bad names, or otherwise failing at common decency, all while drilling their kids to, “Be kind and be polite!” If we want our children to encourage one another, we need to show them how it’s done. If you run for a PTA position and your opponent wins, don’t walk away mumbling under your breath that the school will suffer without you leading the charge. Offer your rival warm congratulations instead. You can even let him or her know that you’re always available to help. Similarly, if a friend or relative earns an envious promotion, think before you speak! Support, congratulate, and encourage your newly promoted friend with your words and your actions. Think about how you’d like to be treated and then model that behavior. BUILD UP EACH CHILD’S STRENGTHS If one child is a supremely talented violin player, feel free to be proud or boastful (within reason). But make sure you spend just as much time focusing on your other child’s awesome math grades or athletic
ability. If your children have their own, highlighted area of expertise, they’re more likely to support and encourage each other in their individual pursuits. DON’T USE A SPOTLIGHT After the singing competition incident, my ten-year-old daughter gave me some sage insight. When she first learned she hadn’t made the cut, she was immediately super supportive of her sister. She chose to deliver the great news to her sister, and she was excited to watch her little sister perform on a big stage. After a week of attention focused solely on her sister and the pending competition, her enthusiasm waned. When she was ready to voice her feelings, she explained that it seemed as though there were one giant spotlight pointed directly at her singing sister. Because of that single spotlight, she and everyone else in the family was being left in complete darkness.
KNOW WHEN IT’S TIME TO GIVE YOUR KIDS AN OUT Sometimes your kids’ paths and passions will cross. Maybe your two daughters will try out for the same singing competition— just as an example. When that happens, be prepared to offer your child an out. We want our kids to support each other. But if your son’s team advanced to the playoffs while your daughter’s team was left in the dust, tell your daughter that it’s okay if she wants to hang out with a friend. Don’t force her to sit in the stands at his playoff game. I told my oldest daughter (after the spotlight talk) that she could absolutely find a friend to hang out with during the singing competition. I made sure that I let her know that choosing that route was totally acceptable—no one would think any less of her. Our kids are human, and their feelings are real. The worst thing a parent can do is to force one sibling to encourage the other. That’s a surefire way to breed resentment and unhealthy rivalries. Know your children’s limits and respect them. If you don’t understand how a woman could both love her sister dearly and want to wring her neck at the same time, then you were probably an only child. — Linda Sunshine
Add Your Thoughts!
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While she didn’t want to take the spotlight away from her sister, she did want the light more evenly dispersed. Brilliant. We were all caught up in the thrill of our superstar, and I was remorseful and relieved when our error was so clearly pointed out by my young philosopher. If you want your children to encourage each other, they need to know that they are all in the spotlight for different reasons, at different times. Ensure no one feels left offstage in the dark.
PL AYING IT SAFE:
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Preventing Drowning
pools and spas are the most obvious, other less insidious water settings are just as deadly. Infants under the age of one are more likely to drown in the bathtub, while children aged one to four are more likely to drown in home pools. Children between the ages of five and fourteen are endangered by open water settings like rivers, lakes, ponds, and oceans. But drownings have also been reported resulting from immersion in toilets, sinks, landscape ponds, and fish tanks. Even buckets—particularly fivegallon buckets—pose a hazard. With large heads and unsteady bodies, a child can easily become stuck upside down inside these containers. One inch of water is all it takes to cover small child’s mouth and nose and create a dangerous situation.
Pretty sobering facts, aren’t they?
Furthermore, certain populations are at a greater risk than others. Boys are up to four times more likely to drown than girls, although girls are twice as likely to drown in the bathtub. Minority children are three times more likely to drown than white children. Children and adults with seizure disorders are especially susceptible to drowning. Drowning is the most common cause of unintentional death among people with seizure disorders; the bathtub poses the highest risk for individuals in this category.
Close to 33% of all accidental deaths in the United States are drownings, with one out of every five drowning cases involving children. Although these tragedies happen year round, the majority of these incidents happen during the warm months of May through August. Further, most of these accidents take place on Saturdays or Sundays. Florida leads the nation in the number of accidental drownings, but overall rates are highest in southern and western states. The death rate for drowning climbs in rural locations, due in large part to the distances required to travel for medical care, emergency or otherwise.
How can it happen? Most environments boast a host of water settings that can contribute to accidental drowning. Though swimming
Drowning is often preventable More than 90% of these accidents are attributed to inadequate supervision. Two-thirds of babies who drown are unattended at the time of the accident. Yet we often misunderstand what drowning really looks like. The media often portrays drowning as a dramatic
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A
Although the number of US drowning fatalities has decreased in the past decade, the news is hardly reassuring for the 137 parents who lost children in spa and swimming pool accidents last year. Nor is it comforting to the parents of the 168 children who required emergency treatment resulting from a near-fatal incident involving water. Those numbers also don’t take into account the number of parents who lost children in other seemingly benign water locations like the bathtub or backyard pond. Drowning is the number two cause of death in children aged one to four behind only birth defects, and can happen in the time it takes to answer the phone. In fact, the majority of accidental drownings occur when an adult is within 25 feet of the child.
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event involving bobbing, splashing, and crying for help. But surface drowning, which occurs at the surface of the water rather than through immersion, is actually a deceptively quiet event. Francesco A. Pia, Ph.D., named this type of event the Instinctive Drowning Response for the biological responses that occur when the body is overwhelmed by water. The person struggles on the surface of the water for 20–60 seconds, unable to yell for help as the body tries to maintain breathing functions. There is no splashing: the body’s natural instinct pushes the arms downward to try to propel the body upward and out of the water. Voluntary movements like waving or speaking are shut down in an effort to preserve vital functions. The body remains in an upright position in the water until struggling becomes impossible, at which time the individual in distress goes under the
water. The whole event can occur in less than 20 seconds. An excellent article by Mario Vittone, a writer and expert on water safety, details the following signs of drowning: • Head low in the water, mouth at water level • Head tilted back with mouth open • Eyes glassy and empty, unable to focus • Eyes closed • Hair over forehead or eyes • Not using legs-vertical • Hyperventilating or gasping • Trying to swim in a particular direction but not making headway • Trying to roll over on the back • Appear to be climbing an invisible ladder Parents should remember that splashing and yelling may indicate trouble, but the real trouble is indicated by silence.
Perhaps the most important aspect to keep in mind is that most drownings are preventable. Knowing the signs of drowning are important, but close supervision is paramount to the children’s safety. The Center for Disease Control recommends parents practice “touch supervision” for preschool aged-children. This means that a parent should always be close enough to touch the child whenever he or she is around any water setting. One-on-one supervision is always necessary for those with seizure disorders.
lose their balance and flip over with the flotation device preventing them from righting themselves in the water. Because drownings can occur outside of a pool setting, it’s necessary to take additional precautions. All buckets should be emptied completely or lidded with a childproof closure, toilet seats should be kept closed, and all parents and caregivers should know how to safely perform CPR.
What about swimming lessons?
Careful control of the environment can also safeguard children against accidental drownings. Risk of drowning is halved when a locked fence surrounds the pool preventing children from entering the area without appropriate supervision. Alarms are also available that can signal parents and caregivers when a child has opened the fence or gate. In addition, proper maintenance can help prevent children from accidentally tripping and falling into the water, and storing toys away from the pool can eliminate the enticement of sneaking toward it.
The idea of swimming lessons is controversial as it pertains to drownings. Though some contend that swimming lessons can make children overconfident in their abilities and lead to risky behaviors that contribute to drowning, research has found this to be untrue. In fact, separate studies from Bangladesh, China, and the United States all found that formal swimming lessons that teach basic water safety survival skills in children under the age of four lead to a significant decline in drowning rates. Some pools offer swimming lesson to children as young as three to six months old.
Some parents are lulled into a false sense of security by baby bath seats, water wings, pool noodles, life jackets, or floaties. While these are arguably safety devices, they are not a substitution for close supervision. The floatation devices may deflate in the middle of the water, allowing the child to submerge. Some children using these devices also overestimate their abilities and take risks that might lead them into a dangerous situation. Sometimes children even
Last year, 3,380 people lost their lives as the result of drowning, accounting for one third of all accidental deaths in the United States. And though preventable, parents often assume the child is playing quietly, never considering the idea that the child is actually fighting for life. A twenty-second distraction is all it takes to Add Your lose a child to accidental Thoughts! drowning. Be vigilant, be present, and be safe.
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Playing it safe
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If You Want Your Kids To GROW UP And MOVE OUT –
Start With This! BY HELEN BUTLER
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What do your children do other than go to school? Do they participate in dance classes, swimming lessons, sports, music practice, or some other variety of extracurricular activity? If so, that’s fantastic—the friendships and learning opportunities those activities provide are invaluable. But as a Professional Organizer, I can tell you there’s one thing missing from many households that’s starting to worry me. Many families don’t have jobs for their children or a real expectation that they will do them. Because our children are so busy, we forgive them slacking off around the home. They’re too tired, too overscheduled, or too burdened by homework. But if we don’t address our children’s participation in household maintenance, we’re going to end up with a long-term problem—one that impacts families, communities, and future job prospects. What can we do to help our children grow up into well-rounded adults who are ready to leave the nest, make their own homes, and feel confident that their ready to face life challenges?
Assign daily jobs If you want your children to grow up and move out you have to teach them to organize themselves. Organization starts with learning some simple tasks around the home. My hairdresser recently told me that he was looking to employ an assistant at his salon— someone to sweep, make tea and coffee, and dust. He interviewed a number of young women for the position.
After narrowing his choices he employed one young woman and realized that she didn’t know how to perform basic household chores. After his staff trained her, he sent her home with more skills than what she’d started with. There are certain tasks around the house that will help your children live a wellbalanced adult life. Learning how to wash dishes, use a washing machine, mow the lawn, and make the bed will make it a lot easier for your child to manage when they finally do leave home.
Establish routines For some reason we think routines stifle creativity, but the opposite is actually true. Routines allow us to structure our day, providing us with the opportunity to find moments for fun and creativity. Creating routines will help you and your child get things done and learn exactly what can fit into a day. Try establishing three daily routines: ∞∞ Morning: wake up, eat breakfast, get dressed for school, pack bag, assigned chores ∞∞ After School: extracurricular activities, homework, relaxation, assigned chores ∞∞ Weekend: extracurricular activities, assigned chores Think about how your family works at the moment. Where do you need to improve your routine to make it easier for everyone?
Expect your children to help out Though our children seem to be busier than we were at the same age, it doesn’t
Where do you start? If you need to, have a family meeting. Discuss how you’re feeling about the help your children offer in your home (politely and respectfully— we all enjoy praise for our efforts) and then talk about what you’d like to see happen. Have an open discussion and, at the end of it, decide what chores your children will do, how often they will do them, and what (if any) reward they’ll receive. Remember, it doesn’t have to be money: you decide what your children’s currency is. Work with it. Create chore charts with your children so that everyone knows what’s expected of them.
Next? Change your mindset. This is particularly important if you’ve had no previous expectations or often resorted to nagging, yelling, or complaining to get things done. Be gentle with yourself and your family—change can be hard for some people. Chances are good that your children may not like to help. Keep at it. Eventually your children will become self-sufficient, capable of moving out and making you proud. Do you already have chores and routines for your children? Do you expect them to help around the home, or is this something you hadn’t thought about before?
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mean they shouldn’t contribute to the household. As parents, we’re busy too. When everyone pitches in, we’re all happier!
READING:
The Gift of a Lifetime BY CRYSTAL PL ANTE
Don’t feel bad! As a mother of four, I understand. The baby is fussy, the toddler is out of sorts, and time gets away from you—it happens. But as a reading specialist, I also understand how vital early literacy experiences are toward future reading success. Reading to your child everyday may just be the most important activity you can participate in to potentially
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Experts recommend reading to your child everyday, beginning at birth, to build a solid literary foundation. It sounds perfectly reasonable until you actually become a parent. Once parenthood hits, the realities of feeding and diapering and bathing and sleepless nights immediately tend to push any utopian notions of daily reading to the back burner.
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transition is huge, and children who do not achieve this vital level are at a distinct academic disadvantage that is likely to widen as the years pass. Back that up ten years and see where we are. If we only have ten years to teach a child everything there is to know about reading—the alphabet, phonemes, understanding multi-syllabic words—
help your child’s future academic success. With that much at stake, it’s worth scheduling reading time, no matter how brief, into your everyday activities. Literacy development is divided into four categories: emergent, beginning, transitional, and fluent. The definitions of each category are unimportant, but the fact is that children should achieve the final category, fluency, by fourth grade. In layman’s terms, that means that your child should have mastery of basic reading skills by the time they are ten years old. At this point, a child is expected to move from learning to read to reading to learn. The
a head start on those skills is essential. Does that mean your child should be reading before walking through those preschool doors? Of course not. But some basic reading skills, such as knowing how to handle a book, that words move from left to right within the English language, that books and stories are enjoyable, and that words are made up of letters means your child is on track toward hitting the fourth grade fluency mark. So snuggle into the rocking chair, pull out Goodnight Moon, and take a five-minute reading break with your little one. It seems like Add Your such a small thing, but Thoughts! I assure you that your child will reap a lifetime of benefits because of it.
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Collide When Home and Office
BY TAMARA HACKET T
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Do you ever feel like your home office is being overrun by your home? Does someone leave keys on your desk? Does your iPad disappear for a quick game of Angry Birds, right when you were about to send an invoice? Managing a home office can be a tricky proposition. By following a few, simple strategies you can run your business productively and with less stress. Who doesn’t need that? Think about your workspace. It doesn’t have to be a traditional office—you might set up shop on your kitchen table or on a desk in the basement. Regardless of the workspace you choose, you need to organize it so that you can do your best work and still balance your household and parenting responsibilities. We have a lot of them! Let’s jump in. CREATE ZONES THAT COMPLETELY SEPARATE “HOME” FROM “BUSINESS” Closing an office door might be a luxury you don’t have. If you don’t have the space (or you need to transition rapidly from work to dinner to school projects), you’ll have to create work zones. Designate areas that are solely for home items or work items. This practice lessens the opportunity for losing items or wasting time searching for papers when it is time to get down to business. Need to manage school notices and invoices? Create two separate piles. Managing mobile devices? Make sure you have an area that makes your device “off limits” while it’s there. When you’re
done, get your whole family on board. The organization only works so long as everyone contributes. INVEST IN SOMETHING YOU LOVE This strategy is less about putting things in their places and more about being motivated by what inspires you. Surrounding yourself with items you love—a book, a fragrant candle, or a favorite photo—sends a message that your workspace is valuable. When you create value, you strive to maintain that value. Your workspace should be unique to you, and should be honored as something other than a resting place for papers or library books. SET UP YOUR SUPPLIES BEFORE YOU NEED THEM Productivity demands organization: you can’t be expected to run to the kitchen to get scissors or rummage through the junk drawer to find a stapler. You need to set yourself up with the things that you need before you start to work. Sit down and make a list of office supplies you need or currently share with your household, and then stock your desk appropriately to prevent future problems. If all your supplies are on hand you won’t be upset when the last envelope was used to play “mailman.” MANAGE EXPECTATIONS This strategy may surprise you. Your work will cross paths with your family—
All of these strategies can be used on an ongoing basis, and you can adjust them to meet the unique needs of your household. Here’s how I do it. In my personal workspace, I would love to set out a bowl of jellybeans and a vase of fresh flowers. When I sit down and evaluate my expectations, I know that both of those things would only cause
problems with my climbing, curious, candy-loving two year old. I also created a “home zone” that includes a craft box for my son. This box happens to contain some office supplies, largely because mine were used to create fishing lines one too many times (which is perfectly fine). By keeping these supplies in a designated zone, I know where they are when I need them, and my son can get crafty without bothering me in my workspace. Get creative. Mix and match these strategies to set yourself—and your home—up for success.
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it’s inevitable, regardless of how many zones you create. You will be distracted or interrupted, and you’ll probably find a little sock under your desk at some point. Remind yourselves that these things will happen and choose to be grateful you’re not fighting a morning or evening commute.
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RAISING CHILDREN IN AN
Interfaith Household BY TAMMY SPODEK
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When I met and fell in love with my Catholic husband, I knew my Jewish family would be grief-stricken. Both my parents were born in Europe during the Holocaust, and while I’m not a strict observer, my faith had always been—and remains to this day—an integral part of who I am. It was always a foregone conclusion that my sisters and I would marry within the faith.
But my then boyfriend brought me the kind of joy I never thought I would experience. Our romance played out like a 90s-era Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks film. We knew early on that we would need to tackle some very heavy issues—issues that perhaps could have torn apart even Ryan and Hanks! The big question, one that no couple should have to broach after a few dates, came up very early: how would we raise our children? We’d only just started dating but we knew we’ve have to have discussions, make decisions, reach consensus, and feel confident in our plans before we’d present ourselves as a couple to anyone in my family. We’ve been married for fourteen incredible years now, and we have four beautiful, spiritual children. The decisions we made eighteen years ago shaped roadmap we follow. Each family’s situation is unique, but I imagine many interfaith couples can learn from our experience. God made so many different kinds of people. Why would he allow only one way to serve him? — Martin Buber
Choose a side It was of vital importance to my husband and me that our children have religion in their lives. While I’d loved the familyoriented traditions of my youth, I’d always wanted more knowledge and structure. I knew that I wanted more direction for my kids than I’d had.
My husband, a devout Catholic, also wanted to pass on cherished traditions. After lengthy spirited and emotional conversations, we agreed that my husband had a greater breadth of knowledge and a greater sense of religious duty than I did. We reasoned that if we were to choose one religion to formally practice in our home, it would be Catholicism. We also agreed to teach our children everything we could about my (and their) Jewish faith by continuing all of my family’s traditions.
Embrace similarities Did you know that Jesus was Jewish, and that his Last Supper was a Passover Seder? My kids do. We’ve made a point of showcasing how similar our religions can be. Both Judaism and Catholicism follow the Ten Commandments. Both prescribe specific methods to atone for sins. One of my family’s traditions involved throwing our sins (in the form of bread) into the sea prior to Yom Kippur (Day of Atonement) to atone for wrongs throughout the year. My husband and I maintain this tradition with our children. When we walk to our neighborhood lake to cast our sins into the water, at least one of my children will be inspired to speak of the Catholic sacrament of reconciliation, which involves confessing one’s sins to seek forgiveness from God. Let your traditions cross over and serve as a learning experience for both you and your children. Embrace the similarities.
Make your own traditions We all have treasured childhood memories of holiday celebrations. Now that you have
Answer questions honestly Small children will enjoy whatever religious ceremonies, traditions and teachings to which they are exposed. As they get older, they often have questions. Tough questions. Why doesn’t Mommy believe in Jesus? Why didn’t Daddy have a bar mitzvah if Jesus did? Don’t dance around these sincere moments of wonder. Answer your children openly and honestly and in age appropriate ways. Mommy believes Jesus lived and was an amazingly kind and smart leader; she just isn’t sure that he was the son of God. Daddy didn’t have a bar mitzvah because when Christianity was born, Catholic people followed a new religion. It might seem like a lot to take in, but by engaging honestly, your children will be able to form their own conclusions. One day they’ll forge their own traditions.
Do what works for you You and your spouse have to find the balance that works for you. Sometimes it’s best for a couple to choose only one religion to honor and practice. Other couples might find it easier to celebrate multiple holidays but not follow either religion in a structured way. It’s all good. If it works for you and your spouse, and if you are both truly happy with the path you choose, your children Add Your will find joy in your family’s Thoughts! traditions. Don’t let anyone else tell you what is best for you and your family.
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your own family, you can forge your own traditions and create lasting memories. Family ate seven varieties of fish every Christmas Eve but your kids don’t like fish? Make paella, a dish that incorporates seafood, chicken, and sausage. Having a Passover Seder but no one can read Hebrew? Have fun with the phonetic guides in the Haggadah, or take turns reading the English passages—you might learn something new. In short, you don’t have to do things exactly as they were done when you were growing up to ensure your holidays are special and meaningful.
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A Bright Start with
Breakfast BY CRYSTAL PL ANTE
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Mom was right. Research supports the idea that breakfast is the most important meal of the day. The meaning of the word itself conveys its importance: breakfast literally means to break the fast; that is, to eat the first meal of the day after a period of fasting through the night.
What can breakfast do for you? A lot, as it turns out. ✓✓Eating a healthy breakfast helps provide a more nutritionally complete diet that is higher in vitamins, nutrients, and other essential minerals. (Note the “healthy” aspect of the equation; a donut a day probably won’t get you there.)
✓✓Those who eat breakfast demonstrate improved concentration, increased performance, and better problemsolving skills.
✓✓Breakfast eaters demonstrate more strength and endurance in physical
activities, as well as better hand-eye coordination.
✓✓A healthy breakfast can lower cholesterol levels.
✓✓Though the reasons are not fully understood, adults and children who eat breakfast often weigh less than those who skip the morning meal.
✓✓According to the American Dietetic Association, the benefits of breakfast are especially pronounced in children and adolescents.
To optimize breakfast, a balanced morning meal should include food from at least three of the food groups . Furthermore, lean protein at breakfast time is important to help stave off cravings by making you feel full until lunchtime. So if a healthy breakfast is so essential, what’s a busy family to do on rushed mornings? Plan ahead! Setting the table for breakfast the night before can make the morning mealtime less time-consuming, and having a ready-made stash of healthy breakfast options available can make breakfast easy as well. Ideas include:
✓✓Hard boiled eggs in the refrigerator, paired with a banana ✓✓Low-fat yogurt with a piece of fruit ✓✓Toast with peanut butter ✓✓Cereal with low-fat milk and a glass of whole-fruit juice ✓✓A whole-wheat English muffin with melted cheese ✓✓A smoothie made with milk or yogurt and fruit ✓✓Oatmeal with skim milk and raisins Add Your Thoughts!
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My personal favorite? Last night’s leftovers. Your body doesn’t care what you eat for your morning meal as long as it’s healthy. So regardless of your personal breakfast choice, be sure to include it in your daily routine. You’ll be glad you did.
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What’s BPA? O
Over the past few years, more and more products—bottles, pacifiers, rubber ducks, and water bottle—are being touted as BPA-free. It almost always sounds great when something is advertised as being “free” of a potentially harmful substance, but what is BPA anyway? BPA is short for bisphenol A, a chemical used to make certain plastics and resins
since 1957. Other countries, particularly Canada and the European Union, banned the use of BPA in the production of baby bottles in 2008. While the US did not ban the chemical, manufacturers felt pressured and no longer use BPA in baby bottles and sippy cups. While the United States FDA asserts that evidence against BPA is not compelling enough to completely ban its use, Canada declared it a “toxic substance” in 2010.
BPA is found in a multitude of products, making complete avoidance of the chemical difficult. It can be found in food storage containers, CDs and DVDs, as a coating for metal products like baby formula cans and water supply lines, in thermal paper products like cash register receipts, in certain medical devices, and even in some dental sealants. It’s widely accepted that small levels of BPA can leach into food and beverages. What’s not agreed upon is the effect this leaching can have on a human body, particularly a young human body. Proponents of BPA suggest that minimal amounts of exposure are harmless. Yet critics note that BPA mimics estrogen, which can lead to problems in the endocrine system. The endocrine system is responsible for brain development, growth, metabolism, and function of the reproductive system. Problems are especially pronounced if exposure occurs during development, either in the womb or during childhood. Moreover, theories abound linking BPA exposure to early menstruation in girls, increased obesity rates, ADHD, autism, and an increased risk for prostate and breast cancer. The US currently does not require that manufacturers disclose if BPA is present in its product. Some companies, like Campbell’s, have voluntarily eliminated use of BPA linings in their products. Others feel little need to do so. Aside from labels proclaiming products as BPA free, consumers don’t know if BPA is present
in a product or not. However, there are some guidelines that can be used to limit BPA exposure: ∞∞ Steel bottles and cans generally don’t have linings comprised of BPA, while aluminum cans and bottles do. ∞∞ Glass, porcelain, or stainless steel does not contain BPA. ∞∞ Canned foods may or may not contain BPA, depending on the company. Frozen food that comes in a plastic wrapper is fine. ∞∞ Toys, baby bottles, or cups manufactured outside the US, Canada, or Europe may contain BPA. ∞∞ Polycarbonate plastic, the kind with the No. 7 recycling symbol, is made with BPA. ∞∞ Microwaving polycarbonate plastic can cause the chemical to leach into foods. Moreover, repeated use or microwaving of polycarbonate plastic causes the plastic to break down, causing higher levels of leaching. Right now, the FDA has no plans to ban the use of BPA until conclusive evidence links it to harmful effects; however, concerns still exist. The Department of Health and Human Services has officially noted concerns regarding the effects of BPA exposure on fetuses, infants, and children. While studies continue, it’s up to parents to decide Add Your what steps to take to Thoughts! limit children’s exposure to BPA.
To the Dentist We Go BY BETSY LULU
Going out today and it’s not to play— I’m off on a race to the dentist’s place! I’m feeling glad—it’s not so bad. When I am there I sit in the big chair. My mouth might be tiny, but they make it shiny!
By the time that they’re done, I’ve had so much fun. The grownups were nice and I didn’t think twice. They remind me to brush (and never to rush), Especially when I eat something that’s sweet! I’ve been my very best and I’d never have guessed—
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I get to choose a toy that I know I’ll enjoy!
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Fun Ways to Practice
Spelling
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Many of us remember hanging the weekly spelling list on the refrigerator as a reminder to study for the test on Friday. We also probably remember the old “drill and kill” studying methods of yesteryear. But is there a better way? Put this research-based study method to the test! Have your child: ∞∞ Look at the word. ∞∞ Say the word aloud and listen carefully to the word parts. ∞∞ Visualize the way the word looks: are there tall and short letters? How many letters are in the word? Is the word long or short? ∞∞ Write the word 5–10 times while sounding the word out. If the word is “cake,” say, “k-ay-k.” ∞∞ Sound out the syllables in each word. ∞∞ Pronounce each segment of the word, even if that segment is not normally pronounced in common speech (e.g., for government, think “gov-er-n-ment”).
Easy enough, right? To mix it up a little and add some fun to the study sessions, use a few of the following, teacherapproved ideas: ∞∞ Spell the words using magnetic letters on a cookie sheet. ∞∞ Buy foam board letters from a craft store. ∞∞ Use pieces of alphabet cereal or alphabet pasta for an edible lesson. ∞∞ Create a word search using an online puzzle maker, such as Discovery Education’s Puzzlemaker.com. (As a note, this particular puzzle maker should only be used for more advanced spellers; the random groupings of letters can confuse beginners). ∞∞ Cover the table surface Add Your Thoughts! with shaving cream, or use finger paints or sand trays.
IceinCream aCan You need:
Looking for a fun—and delicious— summer activity for the neighborhood kids? Try making ice cream in a can! It’s portable enough to take along on a summer camping trip, and fun enough to bring all the neighborhood kids running for an instant front yard ice cream party.
∞∞ ∞∞ ∞∞ ∞∞ ∞∞ ∞∞
1 1-pound metal coffee can with lid 1 3-pound metal coffee can with lid Duct tape 1 pint of half & half or whole milk ½ cup sugar 1 teaspoon vanilla, 2 tablespoons chocolate syrup, or ¼ cup sliced strawberries ∞∞ Crushed ice ∞∞ Rock salt
Here’s what you do:
After that, take a quick break and check to see if the ice cream is hard, being careful to avoid getting salt water in the ice cream. If the ice cream is not finished, replace the lid and continue rolling for another 8–10 minutes until finished. Remove the lids Add Your and serve in bowls. YUM! Thoughts! What are your favorite flavors?
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PHOTO: STEPHANIE KEEPING
Combine all the ingredients together and pour into the 1 pound coffee can. Replace the lid and secure with duct tape. Place the filled coffee can inside the larger 3 pound can. Surround the can with ice and rock salt (which causes the ice to melt, allowing the resulting water/salt mixture to absorb the heat of the ice cream mix). Duct tape the lid in place. Shake, roll, or kick the can back and forth for 8–10 minutes.
– A.A. Milne (1882-1956), Winnie the Pooh
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“Sometimes,” said Pooh, “the smallest things take up the most room in your heart.”