GrownUps magazine
Feb/Mar
2014
The Truth About
FOOD ADDITIVES AND BEHAVIOR
Oh, %$*#! (Yes, you read that right!)
5
MYTHS ABOUT THE
Time-Management:
JUGGLING BUSINESS AND FAMILY
Volunteering
VENTURES
for Teens
DIGITAL NATIVE GENERATION
contents Contents ON THE COVER
{Tap any title to jump to an article!}
AND MORE… “A” is for Advice One teacher tackles tough parent questions
Strap Yourselves In!
Oh, %$*#! (Yes, you read that right!) Keep the cursing under control
The Truth About Food Additives and Behavior Keep your kids additive-free with these tasty treats
Volunteering Ventures for Teens Tailor volunteering to your teen’s interests and turn obligation into opportunity
FEATURES Concerned Parent Seeks Qualified Children’s Therapist What are creative arts therapies and how can they benefit your child?
Savvy Savings Plans for Educational Expenses Don’t know your 401(k) from your ESA? Don’t worry—we can help!
Helping Your Teen Use Social Media in a Positive Way Stop being afraid of your teen’s social media habits and learn to embrace them!
Time-Management: Juggling Business and Family One parent’s solutions to making her stay-at-home business venture work
Sign With Your Baby Give your baby a hand with early language skills
Choose Your Words Wisely Positive disciplinary techniques can keep you (and your kids) sane
Literacy: Birth to Age 4 Foster your child’s reading skills with these age-appropriate tips
Planning and Hosting a Sleepover Party Don’t worry—it’s not as intimidating as it seems
Counting Sheep Just how important is a good night’s sleep?
Stranger Danger? No More Prepare your kids for scary situations with this “safe stranger” advice
Stuck on Stickers Stickers aren’t just for scrapbooking. Pick up a few fun packs and get your kids motivated!
COVER PHOTO: WAVEBREAKMEDIA LTD/THINKSTOCK
Don’t worry: technology isn’t rotting your child’s brain!
PHOTO: NENSURIA/THINKSTOCK
5 Myths About the Digital Native Generation
Check your car seats’ expiration dates and keep your kids safe
GrownUps magazine
Carissa Pelletier PUBLISHER & EDITOR-IN-CHIEF ASSOCIATE EDITOR
Jennifer Anderson SOCIAL CONTENT MANAGER
Prerna Malik GRAPHIC DESIGNERS
Alvaro Beleza Livia Beleza CONTRIBUTING EDITOR
Crystal Plante CONTRIBUTORS
Eliza Gordner Feather Lutz Mike Crider Robyn Spodek-Schindler Tara Ross
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When I Grow Up It’s about the time of year when we start slacking off on our New Year’s resolutions, often with no small measure of guilt. But don’t give up completely! Keep striving for self-improvement and replace your old resolution with a new one. You don’t need to wait until 2015 to start over. If your New Year’s resolutions have evaporated (or you never made any in the first place), take heart: you can always start small. Toni Morrison, Nobel Prize winner and acclaimed author, offered a simple idea during an interview featured in one of Oprah’s Lifeclass lessons. Toni prompted parents to reflect on their outward reaction when their child walked into the room. She had realized that her own expression was often one of scrutiny. By constantly inspecting her children to see if their hair was combed or if their socks were put on correctly, she was giving her children the wrong impression about her feelings toward them. She said, “You think your affection and your deep love is on display because you’re caring for them. It’s not. When they see you, they see the critical face.” Toni went on to describe that by letting your face speak for what you truly feel in your heart, you’ll be able to show your children how much you love them. It’s a very small change. Oprah responded, “That is how you learn what your value is—not by what the person is saying to you, but what you feel.” Changing our body language can often convey more than words.
In this issue, we ask you to change perspectives, approach problems with creative solutions, and to take a small—but active!—role in your child’s online life.
Carissa Pelletier Editor-In-Chief
PHOTO: CAMARIE CALLARI
This simple notion resonated with me, and I endeavored to immediately change my own behavior. I wanted to show (rather than tell) my children what they truly meant to me. Are you willing to join me in making small resolutions with big effects?
We Asked... What is your favorite family vacation memory
?
My favorite family vacation memory goes back to when I was around 5 or 6 years old and my family and I went to upstate NY to see my grandparents. I remember swimming, hiking, playing, dancing and laughing like never before. Didn’t have any technology either but lots of fresh air! – ROBYN SPODEK-SCHINDLER
My favorite memory was seeing the ocean for the first time at age 16. My family lived in Ohio and we rarely got to vacation except to see extended family. I remember being blown away by the endless water. – MIKE CRIDER
We drove from NJ to a campground in Maine once and were surprised to see NJ plates on the car next to ours at the campsites. Well we all hit it off with the other family and had a great vacation. The highlight was when their daughter and I rented a little Sunfish sailboat to take out on the lake. It was windy and we were inexperienced (probably age 13 or so) and we clearly needed help, Our two dads were playing macho and going to come save the poor girls...so they stepped into their sailboat and tipped it! Both landed in 3 feet of water, in their clothes. The grandmother of that family was watching from the dock and laughed so hard she wet her pants. – GINA SAMPAIO
In the 1970s summers we’d go to Sebago Lake, Maine with my aunt, uncle, 2 cousins. We’d pack coolers, stay all day, grilling in the pine trees, swimming, playing in the sand, and uncle Bill’s old 8mm film camera took hilarious old videos: wet kids, failed cartwheels, hot-dog-gobbling, pretending to ogle the ladies in bikinis. – ANGELA TODD
(Yes, you read t
hat right!)
Swearing has gone mainstream. TV shows, movies, video games, and popular music share the blame as does loosening standards among adults. While many adults used to censor themselves for the sake of small ears, swearing has become so common that many don’t think twice about letting a few foul words drop while in the presence of wee ones. Just because society has begun to accept swearing doesn’t mean parents have to do the same. You can curb your child’s use of bad words in several different ways:
∞∞ Enact a rule simply stating that swearing is not acceptable in your household. ∞∞ Be consistent. If your children swear, hand out consequences. Send them to their room or take away a privilege. Washing their mouths out with soap is NOT recommended nor is putting something hot or disgusting in their mouths or on their tongues. ∞∞ If your children are angry about a situation, encourage them to talk about it without swearing. If that’s impossible, send them to their room to calm down until they can talk without swearing. ∞∞ Realize that you can’t control how your children talk with their friends in private. They may follow your rules at home but fall into bad language while hanging out with friends. Finally, look at your own use of language. You can hardly expect your child not to cuss if such words are a regular part of your own vocabulary. If you show your child that you’re making a sincere attempt Add Your to clean up your own Thoughts! language, you’ll set a powerful example for your child to follow.
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S
OH, %$*#!
STRAP
YOURSELVES
PHOTO: FUSE/THINKSTOCK
IN!
Did you know that car seats have an expiration date? It sounds funny, but it’s true! Materials break down, technology advances, and vehicle designs and safety standards change. Older models are no longer safety tested as newer car seat models are released. Find your car seat’s expiration date on the base and remember that car seats are usually good for six years after
the manufacture date. Never buy a used car seat, and always replace any that have been involved in a motor vehicle accident. There’s no reason to put your child’s safety in jeopardy to save a few dollars. Update your safety gear as needed!
Add Your Thoughts!
SIGN WITH YOUR
Baby BY CRYSTAL PL ANTE
S
Sign language is a great tool to use to help babies and young toddlers better communicate their needs and wants. Studies show that it alleviates frustration and can actually lead to quicker language development than children who do not use sign language.
TWO RESOURCES TO TRY: BOOK
APP
Check out a sign language book from your local library and start with very basic words that are meaningful, such as mommy, daddy, milk, or more. Go at your child’s speed (don’t push for too much too fast) and you’ll be amazed at the results! Did you teach your baby to sign words? Which sign helped him or her communicate the most?
Add Your Thoughts!
PHOTO: HUNTSTOCK/THINKSTOCK
I can testify how much easier it was for me when my toddler started using basic sign language to tell me what exactly he wanted!
{REVIEW}
Soccer Sisters Vee Caught Offside, the second book in Andrea Montalbano’s Soccer Sisters series, explores the world of Vee Merino, a member of the Brookville Bombers soccer team. Vee, the youngest player, lives in a different town and goes to a different school than the rest of her teammates, something that’d never caused any friction—until now. As the book progresses, Vee struggles with issues of identity, fitting in, bullying, friendship, class, and whether or not she can live up to the Soccer Sisters code.
This is a fantastic read for tweens, especially young girls, who are navigating tough situations in their own lives. Montalbano uses the team to illustrate concepts like friendship and loyalty, and shows just how far you can go if you communicate, stay strong, and follow your heart. Vee Caught Offside is written by Andrea Montalbano and is published by In This Together Media, a company that strives to publish young adult fiction with authentic female characters. You can find all of the Soccer Sisters books at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Kobo, the Apple Bookstore, and certain independent booksellers.
“A”is for Advice
BY CRYSTAL PL ANTE
not it would ever happen, my husband finally received a promotion at work! Though we’ve dreamed of this scenario for years, the fact that it’s happening suddenly has us worried. Not only will we be moving to a new state, but we will have to move during the school year. Our son is in fourth grade and our daughter is in sixth grade, and we’re worried about how they will make the transition to a new school that’s already in session. Is there anything we can do to make the situation easier for them?
A: First of all, congratulations on your
husband’s promotion! It sounds like this has been a long time in the making. Also, kudos to you for recognizing how difficult this transition might be on your kids. Moving midway through the school year is tough on everyone—the kids, the parents, the teachers—but preparing for those challenges will make the switch easier for everyone. First, ask yourself if you really have to move midway through the school year. Your husband may need to report to
PHOTO: VOLODINA/THINKSTOCK
Q: After years of wondering whether or
his new job by a specific date, but the whole family may not need to join him immediately. Is there a way for you and the kids to stay in your current location until the end of the school year? Would that kind of arrangement make the transition easier for the kids, or would temporarily dividing the family increase, rather than decrease, everyone’s stress level? If that’s an impossible option for your situation, the best advice is to plan, plan, and plan some more. If you haven’t already informed your children of the situation, do so now. While younger kids don’t need as much advanced warning in these kinds of situations (doing so can increase apprehension), your kids are old enough to benefit from full transparency. After everyone is informed, plan a visit to your new location while you’re still rooted in your current home. Let them see your new house or apartment, and make an appointment for them to tour their new school. Ask if you and your child can sit in on a class for a short amount of time— say 15–20 minutes—to get a taste of what they can expect. A short visit to an actual classroom full of kids can help your child get a feel for the new environment and give you a sample of the teaching style and classroom expectations. It’s also an authentic way to let your kid meet some of his or her new classmates prior to the first day. If you aren’t able to arrange a visit before the move, share pictures of your new home and school so that the kids know what to expect. Almost every
school website supplies teacher e-mail addresses. Help your child e-mail the teacher with a list of questions and concerns. Ask if he or she can arrange a kind of e-mail pen pal exchange so that your child has a ready-made friend prior to the first day. You may also want to ask about signing up for clubs and activities prior to the move. Some organizations, such as the Girl or Boy Scouts, can transfer your child’s membership to your new location to ease transitions. Your child’s current leader should be able to tell you how to do this. But don’t just stick to the tried and true. Use the move as an opportunity to explore interests that may be unavailable at your current school. Perhaps the skiing club or surfing lessons will provoke a little more excitement about the move. Once you’ve arrived in your new home, don’t rush into the first day. Though it may be tempting to start them at school right away (and give you time to focus on unpacking), doing so can sabotage all your hard work. Don’t start your child in the new school until his or her bedroom is set up. Unpack their rooms first to make sure it gets done in a timely fashion. This strategy ensures that your child will have a sanctuary—and maybe even a place to entertain new friends—after that first day. And remember: your children take their cues from you. If you act anxious, they will be anxious. If you are confident and supportive, Add Your Thoughts! they will approach the situation with a better frame of mind.
Q: My 9-year-old daughter is begging
for a cell phone because all her friends have them. I don’t want her to feel left out, but I honestly don’t know what she would do with a cell phone. Help!
A: Sometimes being a parent means
that you have to be the parent. Do you have everything else your friends have? Do you take all the same vacations your friends take? Do you drive the same car your friends drive? Probably not. A cell phone is more than just a fancy little gadget in your daughter’s pocket. It’s a responsibility that comes with monthly charges and, realistically speaking, a new sense of secrecy associated with texting. But beyond that, you’ve pretty much answered your own questions. If you don’t know why your daughter needs a cell phone, chances are she probably doesn’t.
That’s not to say that no child should ever have a cell phone. Some parents want their child to have a phone because there’s no landline in the home and the child spends time alone during the day. Other parents want their child to carry a phone because he or she takes public transportation without adult supervision. Sometimes noncustodial parents want their child to have a cell phone to use for contact between parent and child. Those are all valid reasons for a child having a cell Add Your phone. But giving her a Thoughts! cell phone just because her friends all have them? Not so much. Want to ask any of our experts for advice? Visit our Ask a Question page to submit your dilemma!
5About Myths the
DIGITAL NATIVE GENERATION
PHOTO: MONKEY BUSINESS IMAGES/THINKSTOCK
BY MIKE CRIDER
I
I’ve spent a decade in middle schools, both as a teacher and school administrator, and I’m continuously impressed by how technologically savvy students are by the time they enter middle school. These children seem to possess a unique skill set that my generation doesn’t have—and I was born in 1981. Most can even text faster than many adults can type. Even so, there are a few hard-to-shake myths, including those stating that the current generation of students lack real-world knowledge and struggle with common sense.
1. THEY CAN’T
PAY ATTENTION TO ANYTHING
This couldn’t be farther from the truth. Kids are much better at multitasking and maintaining several conversations at once, even if they’re digital. They may, however, have difficulty listening to the same speaker for an hour at a time, but let’s take something into consideration: if you’re a member of Generation Y (or earlier), you may remember a time when fewer television channels existed, or when you needed to physically turn on a radio or use a Discman to listen to a different musical artist. It’s not inconceivable to think that the reason kids seem a little impatient is because waiting just doesn’t take as long as it used to. It’s also important to note that many students now have to go to school without frequent opportunities for breaks r recesses, unlike our generation. Is it any wonder they’re a ittle antsy by 3:00 p.m.?
2. THEY DON’T WANT
TO READ OR TO DO ANY WORK
Correction: they don’t want to read print materials. You’re probably aware that the readership of print media (like newspapers and magazines) has declined in recent years, so much so that many large publications have converted entirely to the digital space. But the amount of reading that kids do now, due to the amount of knowledge that is literally at their fingertips, is staggering. A good portion of middle and high school students have smartphones; machines that are unquestionably more powerful than the devices we called computers in the early to mid-1990s. The reason we had to do manual research back in the 90s is because we didn’t have the capability to look it up whenever we wanted. Current students have that ability to withdraw information on a whim, and they exercise that privilege frequently. It’s not a bad thing, either. Have a question about someone (or something) being discussed in class? Instead of walking to the media center to turn on a computer or to the library to pull out an encyclopedia, students can google information immediately on their smartphones.
3. THEY DON’T RETAIN
ENOUGH HISTORICAL OR CULTURAL KNOWLEDGE
Why bother? When they need the information, they can look it up instantaneously. While students may not learn cursive anymore, they are learning how to use technology at a very early age. Cultural differences are less surprising because children are able to connect with other people beyond the United States. Some schools even use video conferencing to connect with schools in other parts of the world, making for some pretty interesting conversations. I suspect that the current generation of students will be more willing to explore the world because they’re only a FaceTime or Skype call away from their families. There’s no need to worry about sending letters or racking up longdistance charges to stay in touch. Do kids now even know what “roaming” means on a cell phone anymore?
4. THEY DON’T KNOW
HOW TO DEAL WITH CONFLICT
They do, but they deal with it differently. When we were upset about something twenty years ago, five people might know about it. Now, thanks to social media outlets, five hundred people might know about their grievances. This scope issue makes conflict difficult to navigate, especially because many parents don’t have the experience necessary to offer advice. As a result, students generally deal
with problems by talking via text or social media rather than engaging in face-toface confrontations. When confrontation occurs, it can often be in the presence of others, and that never tends to go well. Regardless, kids are capable of working through conflict—conflict just manifests differently. Think about it: if most of your social communication occurs on a digital platform, you will try to solve your problems digitally. Children use digital media to connect to others and to maintain their relationships.
5. THEY DON’T CARE
ABOUT ANYTHING
This is also completely false. Kids are bombarded with news headlines and streaming media, making them very aware of what’s going on. These children are the most socially aware generation thus far, which is potentially why their tolerance might be mistaken for apathy. Though it might seem like these kids don’t have an opinion, they’re often aware of so many viewpoints that they seek to avoid making black and white judgments while they process their worldview. There’s a lot to take in! I believe it’s important to highlight the strengths of the current generation and think about how these strengths will be applicable to our society and our global economy. By working with these digital skills rather than picking apart their flaws, you Add Your can help your children Thoughts! develop the tools necessary to assist them in their future endeavors.
Choose Your Words
Wisely D
Discipline stems from the word “disciple” and means “to guide with love.” In the truest sense of the word, discipline does not mean punishment nor does it refer to a battle of wills. Rather, an adult seeks to guide behavior through teaching and learning.
One of the big buzzwords in both education and parenting is “positive discipline.” It sounds like a weak attempt made by a naïve, timid, or overly optimistic parent, but research shows that with a little self-control on the parent’s or teacher’s end it is a rather logical technique. In fact, many schools utilize positive discipline as described by Jane Nelson in her book Positive Discipline. Many variations
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I know how that sounds: A wailing threeyear-old will automatically cease the temper tantrum in the middle of a very public place with a firm, yet gentle “no,” and peace, love, and happiness will descend from the heavens? Not in the real world, I agree. But certain disciplinary strategies are more effective than others.
of positive discipline can be used, but the overarching theme is to maintain a kind and firm parenting style to guide behavior. Skeptical? Consider the following, which is one technique of positive discpline: A warm, sunny day. Perfect playground weather. Life is grand until a barrage of pea gravel pours onto your head again and again. Your urge is to say, “Stop throwing rocks!” Positive discipline suggests that instead we grab the child’s hand (gently), help him place the rocks back on the ground, and say firmly, “Rocks stay on the ground.”
Can it be used for everything? Yes. Is it easy to use? Yes and no. Initially, it takes quite a bit of thought on the parent’s part to reword the redirections in a positive way. With practice, though, it starts to come easily. Here are some examples:
Instead of…
Say…
“Don’t hit.”
“Keep your hands at your side/to yourself.”
“Don’t wet your pants.”
“Stop and use the potty when you need to.”
“Don’t run.”
“Walk beside me.”
“Quit yelling.”
“Use a quiet voice.”
“Don’t be mean.”
“We say nice things to our friends.”
“Don’t talk back.”
“I’d like you to say that in a different way.”
“Don’t go into the street.”
“Stay behind the sidewalk.”
Say what? Here’s why: Children’s developing brains are selective in that they only pick up on certain words or phrases. So when you say, “Don’t throw rocks,” the child is going to remember, “Throw rocks.” The behavior won’t change and may get worse. Telling children what to do with the rocks sends a new message to the brain, creating an opportunity for them to improve their behavior in a positive way. And while this kind of discipline takes a little while to get used to and to work, consistent use will reap rewards.
Children may be so used to hearing what they shouldn’t do that it may surprise them when you tell them what they should do. Be consistent, be firm, Add Your and know that you are Thoughts! trying to guide with love. You may be surprised at the results.
S E V I DDIT
A D O O F T U R O O I B V A A H E B D AN
PHOTO: BANANASTOCK/THINKSTOCK
TH
H T u r T e
C
Children love the bright colors in such foods as gelatin, fruit snacks, frozen treats, fruity drinks, and cereals. But with ingredients including artificial sweeteners, flavors, and food coloring found in certain foods marketed to them, some parents are uncomfortable with these laboratory-produced ingredients. Although the United States Food and Drug Administration (FDA) maintains that the consumption of these ingredients pose no risks, some physicians and consumer groups disagree.
The Research The UK conducted a study in 2007 to correlate behavioral changes with food dyes. They found that children who drank a beverage containing food dyes exhibited more hyperactive behavior than children who drank a placebo. For this reason, the United Kingdom Food Standards Agency, which is essentially the British counterpart to the FDA, recommends that children with ADHD eliminate food additives from their diets. Moreover, British companies were encouraged to remove artificial coloring and dyes from all food products. Research on the west side of the pond has been mixed. Some studies have been inconclusive, while others have disproved certain theories. The FDA, meanwhile, maintains that proper use of food additives is safe for people of all ages, and no such recommendations have been made for American children. This hasn’t stopped some parents from trying elimination diets that
remove artificial food additives from their children’s meals and snacks. In many cases, parents of children with ADHD report that elimination of food additives has improved their children’s behavior. More testing is needed, as the improvements could be the result of a change in the family dynamic that happens during a familywide dietary change.
The Alternatives While the whole truth regarding artificial additives may be elusive at this time, it doesn’t mean that parents should feel helpless. In fact, several alternatives to many additive-laden foods and drinks are available if a parent is willing to forgo convenience foods and cook from scratch. Doing this sounds expensive and time consuming, but some recipes are actually more budget friendly and quicker to prepare than commercially available foods. A quick Internet search can yield a slew of childhood treats made from real ingredients, such as homemade fruit snacks or jellies.
Want to try some additive-free recipes? Here are two that are quick, easy, and inexpensive to prepare. Chances are your child won’t even miss the kind sold in stores!
S r a B
eapple, n i p d e h s u r c 1 20-oz. can drained 1 banana lla yogurt i n a v p u c ½ hed ice ½ cup crus le juice p p a e n i p d rve ½ cup rese all the x i m d n a , a anan Mash the b Pour into . r e h t e g o t ingredients r cups. e p a p r o s d ol popsicle m ps, add a u c r e p a p g sin Freeze. If u ixture is m e h t n e h ck w popsicle sti ushy. l s d n a n e z partially fro
Add Your Thoughts!
jeLly juiCe
CuBeS 2 cups any flavored juice (e.g., grape, grapefruit, appl e)
2 packages unflavored gela tin Pour ½ cup juice into a bo wl. Sprinkle gelatin over it. W hile this sits, heat the remaining 1 ½ cups juice to a boil in a saucepan OR the microwave. Pour the hot ju ice over the gelatin-juice mixture an d stir. Add more sugar to taste if desired. Pour mixture into the botto m of a loaf pan or into muffin tins. Chill for three hours until firm. Cut into squares.
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Concerned Parent Seeks
QUALIFIED CHILDREN’S THERAPIST What are creative arts therapies and how can they benefit your child?
A
As a parent, it can be difficult not only recognizing that your child may indeed need the help of a professional but also knowing which professional to choose. How do I know who’s right for him or her? Who will relate best to my child and get them to open up, especially when it seems like there are so many credentialed therapists
to choose from? Allow me to take a few minutes of your time to introduce you to the wonderful world of Play and Creative Arts Therapies. There’s a common misconception that you need to have a certain level of talent to participate in creative arts therapies—but that
PHOTO: DAVID SACKS/THINKSTOCK
BY ROBYN SPODEK-SCHINDLER, LPC, LCAT, ATR-BC, NCC
is not the case. Anyone, of any age, can benefit from these therapies with the help of a trained professional.
Play is the universal
Creative Arts Therapies encompass art, music, drama, movement, and other creative forms of expression. Play therapy is typically considered to be its own type of therapy; however, in my professional opinion, play is just another form of creativity.
race, ethnicity,
language of all children. Gender, language—none of these factors become an obstacle with play and creativity.
Infants as young as a few days old can and do benefit from various forms of creativity. (For more background on this take a look at Piaget’s stages of development and early sensorimotor play techniques.) As soon as a newborn baby opens his or her eyes for the first time they are beginning to soak in their surroundings. In hospitals all over the world there are therapists, specialists, and volunteers who devote their time to interacting with these little ones and making sure that they hear pleasant sounds, see interesting visuals, and feel comforting touches. Perhaps you didn’t realize it at the time but your baby, too, received special therapy through those acts.
and theories behind creative therapies have taken off. Beginning at age two, many toddlers are capable of expressing their frustration, happiness, and sadness through creativity. Most twoyear-olds, as you might imagine, have trouble communicating verbally: stringing one or two words together at that age is often more than any parent can expect. But if you put a pile of blocks, some crayons, or a doll in front of that child then suddenly it is as if they have been communicating for years.
Play is the universal language of all children. Gender, race, ethnicity, language—none of these factors become an obstacle with play and creativity. It is because of this notion that the ideas, concepts,
Children ages two through twelve (sometimes even older) can benefit from creative arts therapies, specifically play therapy. A child fearful of doctors can become the doctor through play and can learn
As children get older and enter adolescence they do not lose their passion for playing. Instead,
creation often takes a back seat to education and responsibilities. This is the most important reason of all to offer your child a creative outlet. Art and music programs, seen as expendable, are cut from schools every year. Couple these cuts with an increase in social media use, increase in bullying incidences, increase in impulse control issues, decrease in self-esteem, and decrease in social skills, and we’ve got ourselves a recipe for disaster. These tweens and teens need an outlet, a place that they can call their own to voice whatever it is they feel. They need to believe they will not be judged, that they are free to speak their minds (via talking or other methods), and that they are in control of what’s important in their lives. This is their therapy.
PHOTO: MONIKA ADAMCZYK/THINKSTOCK
how to overcome those fears. An abused child, selectively mute, can find his or her voice through paint and crayon; without saying a word, they can make their story known to a person they trust. The angry and jealous child that does not want to share mommy and daddy with a new sibling can utilize a sand tray as a way to create their own world and share their story. This idea takes the basic concept of talk psychotherapy—the need to vent to someone and release one’s inner conflicts and issues—and applies it to ways that are more welcoming to children and adolescents. The possibilities are truly endless.
Having choices is like walking on the moon to adolescents. These teens can typically handle a combination of traditional psychotherapy and creative arts therapies. It’s important to give them different outlets to express their thoughts and feelings, and it’s important to support them and watch them help themselves. That is, of course, the main goal: help teens learn how to cope with their issues and get them through those issues in healthy and appropriate ways. Is your kid feeling angry? Throw down some paint—feel that emotion release! Depressed? Let them put their emotions into a song and belt it out loud. Noticing your child can’t focus? Well let’s get him or her up and dancing. If these outlets sound simplistic it’s because they are. Creativity is a simple idea. The most difficult part is not choosing to be creative but rather finding which therapy will prove to be beneficial for each individual. I always question those I supervise with, “Is every child or teen the same?” No, of course not. As a result, their therapy cannot be the same—nor should it be. A welltrained children and adolescent therapist will have a hefty bag of techniques to choose from to ensure that your child is getting what they need most from therapy. As a parent your number one priority is your child. You know your child better than anyone. Take
Creativity is a simple idea. The most difficult part is not choosing to be creative but rather finding which therapy will prove to be beneficial for each individual.
that knowledge, trust yourself, and allow it to lead you to a trained therapist that you believe will be a good fit for your child. If your child or adolescent is experiencing emotional, behavioral, or mental difficulties reach out to your doctor, psychiatrist, school, or insurance company and request a list of creative arts therapists within your community. Be sure that you have found a credentialed therapist. The professional you find should be either licensed, board certified ,or registered for their specialty. Choose carefully, step Add Your wisely, and then eventually breathe Thoughts! easy. The kids really are all right.
BY ELIZA GORDNER, J.D.
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No matter how old your children, you’ve probably considered—and worried about!—how you’ll pay for their college education. What you may not know is that many savings vehicles exist for just this purpose. In the United States, the most well-known programs focused solely on saving for education expenses include the Education Savings Account (ESA) and the 529 Plan, which is named after the relevant tax code section. Although you can use other methods to pay for tuition—like cash-value life insurance or your 401(k) plan—an ESA or 529 Plan may be able to give you the best bang for your buck without busting your wallet.
Education Savings Accounts (ESAs) ESAs are frequently referred to as “education IRAs” or Coverdell Education Savings Accounts (after the senator who sponsored the law creating them). These accounts can be set up by a parent, relative, or friend for children under the age 18 who have Social Security Numbers. You can contribute up to $2,000 to these accounts on an annual basis, and while there are income limits on who can contribute, grandparents, godparents, aunts, uncles, or other adults can donate. You can even gift the money to your children and have them contribute to their ESA directly! As with all savings vehicles, there are other important features to consider:
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SAVVY SAVINGS PLANS FOR EDUCATIONAL EXPENSES
∞∞ ESA funds grow tax-free and are not taxed when withdrawn. As long as the money is used for qualifying education expenses (e.g., tuition, fees, books, or laptops). ∞∞ ESA contributions are not taxdeductible. ∞∞ ESA funds aren’t just for college; they can also be used for elementary and secondary school education expenses. ∞∞ There are also broad investment options for ESA funds, often providing parents with a full array of mutual funds, bonds, and individual stocks.
529 Plans A 529 Savings Plan is another taxadvantaged vehicle for saving for your child’s education. These plans were created by the federal government and are administered by each individual state. There are two types of 529 Plans: prepaid and savings. A prepaid plan lets you purchase tuition credits to be used in the future, and the performance of your funds depends on tuition inflation. A savings plan is funded solely by market growth and the performance of individual investments. Once you enroll in these plans, whether by making a single or ongoing contribution, the Plan handles investments. In general, associated fees and limitations are minimal (though you should check on these with your Plan provider), and there are usually no limits on the amount of money that can be contributed to the account. These features makes the 529 Plan a potentially
more “hands-off” approach to college savings. But because 529 Plans may vary on a state-by-state basis, there are some important aspects to keep in mind: ∞∞ While you can shop for 529 Plans in other states, you generally need to use one based in your home state to receive tax benefits (such as a state income tax deduction). ∞∞ The state 529 Plan you choose is not tied to the state where your child eventually attends college. ∞∞ Unlike an ESA, 529 Plan funds may only be used for college expenses (not for elementary or secondary school). ∞∞ Be sure you understand whether your 529 Plan is a prepaid plan or a savings plan. One may be a better fit for your family than another. ∞∞ Don’t forget that any non-qualified withdrawals from a 529 Plan (or from an ESA, for that matter) will be taxed! Determining which savings plan is best for your family depends on multiple factors, including how much you want to save, tax benefits, income level, and whether you’d like to use funds for college or for K–12 education. For some families, using both a 529 Plan and an ESA makes the most financial sense and provides the greatest tax advantages while simultaneously meeting your savings goals. Still have questions? Don’t hesitate to call a professional. Your Add Your local tax advisor will be Thoughts! able to provide you with information specific to your family’s needs.
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BIRTH TO AGE BY CRYSTAL PL ANTE
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Literacy:
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The foundation of reading is set in place long before a child sets foot in preschool, actually going back to communication skills that began at birth. While all children learn and develop at a different pace, communication skills that are set in place during a child’s early years can help foster or hinder a child’s literacy development.
Babies Babies develop literacy skills? Absolutely! Babies are expert investigators when it comes to communication. Babies make sounds to imitate the tones and rhythms of adult speakers and respond to facial expressions and gestures. That is the very beginning of communication. Moreover, babies engage adults in communication through cooing and babbling, which elicits delighted responses and interaction from charmed parents and caregivers. Frequently recited nursery rhymes and games such as “peek-a-boo” and “patty cake” reinforce rhythm and rhyme. As babies grow older, they begin to associate frequently heard words with the items they represent, even if they are unable to reproduce the exact word. Babies, it turns out, are communication experts!
Toddlers Beginning with older babies and moving through toddlerhood to age 3, toddlers continue their previously initiated investigations. When available, toddlers use alphabet blocks and board books as part of their play. They enjoy sharing books with their favorite adults and will often pretend to read books to themselves. As toddlers grow older, they will name
objects in a book and talk about the characters. They may ask (or demand) that their favorite adult read or even write with them. They become interested in letters, especially the first letter of their name. Their scribbling takes on purpose, as they are trying their best to write something specific. Their letter-like scribbles somewhat resemble writing. By the time a child enters nursery school, the foundation for literacy development is set.
Age 3–4 Although just entering formal schooling, preschoolers actually begin with an understanding of literacy, thanks to the rich language development that occurred during the baby and toddler years. Children this age continue to enjoy listening to and now begin discussing stories. They have a distinct understanding that print carries meaning. To this end, they attempt to read and write by using the letters and sounds they are familiar with to create words and messages. Three- and four-year-olds are excited by environmental print, found on signs and labels, and enthusiastically identify what they know. Rhyming games are fun for toddlers and also help with later literacy development. Some parents make the mistake of assuming that literacy development does not begin until a child officially enters school. Current research shows that language and literacy development actually begins at birth and continues throughout the school years. Reading to young children from birth gives Add Your them a solid foundation Thoughts! and a head start to becoming proficient readers and writers for life.
PLANNING AND HOSTING A
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Your little girl is growing up: she’s lost the toddler pudginess, ties her own shoes, knows the multiplication tables, and—wants to have a sleepover? Sleepovers are a rite of passage, and they’re not as intimidating as they may seem. The key to success is all in the planning. First, decide upon an appropriate number of guests. Odd numbers may promote exclusion of one guest, while a large number makes it easier for girls to pair off and create chaos. Four to six girls, including the hostess, is a great starting point.
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Sleepover Party
Sleepovers are a rite of passage, and they’re not as intimidating as they may seem.
The key to success is all in Once you’ve finalized the guest list, set a date. Perform a little due diligence and make sure there aren’t any conflicting events, like other parties or school dances. There is nothing as traumatic as competing sleepovers coinciding on the same date. Next, set some ground rules with your daughter. Be clear that sleepovers are a privilege and a sign of responsibility. Discuss house rules and how they will be enforced. Let her know what rooms of the house are off limits. Find ways to occupy extra siblings, if possible. Before the girls arrive, make sure that you’ve gotten in touch with their parent(s). Ask if their child has any food allergies, has to take any medication, or has any other issues that may be relevant. Get their cell phones numbers so that you can call in the event of an emergency. Having all of this information organized and on hand before the sleepover starts makes it easier to plan food choices or even move the family pets to another part of the house. Don’t micromanage the party, but have some activities available (e.g., manicures, pedicures, games, videos, crafts, snacks,
the planning.”
etc.). The goal is to have everything available for their use so the girls can take care of things themselves. Interfere only if necessary. Keep things as simple as possible: order pizza with a makeyour-own salad bar for supper, offer three or four snack options, and serve mixed fruit or cereal for breakfast. Finally, be sure you go to bed. You are not an invited member of the sleepover and are therefore not obligated to stay up all night. Announce when you are going to bed, ask the girls to keep the noise level down, and sleep well, knowing Add Your that you’re allowing Thoughts! your daughter to make precious memories with her friends.
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Helping Your Teen Use
SOCIAL MEDIA
in a Positive Way BY TARA ROSS
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Social media can get a bad rap from wellintended grown-ups who want to ensure that their children are safe online and are having meaningful friendships faceto-face. To be fair, social media threats abound; cyber-bullying, inappropriate imagery, predatory advertisements, and privacy violations often make parents believe that they must be constantly vigilant or must pull the plug entirely. Can there be a positive role for social media in a teen’s life, though? Is there a way for grown-ups to feel that they are protecting their child while also helping teens navigate the social media landscape? These platforms represent the mechanisms for business, communication, and social activity in our era, and they will only grow in importance as your teen becomes an adult. It is important to help your child understand these platforms so that they have the skills necessary to operate in our future world.
Provide Options Given the myriad of social media platforms available, your teen could be online 24/7 and still not engage on all of the networks that exist. Furthermore, teens’ tastes seem to change with the wind. When my older son turned thirteen, he was allowed a Facebook account (as thirteen is the minimum age for having one). At the time, Facebook was the favored choice among teens. Not anymore. Facebook ceded that honor to Twitter in the fall of 2013 while sharing the number two spot with Instagram. Snapchat is another teen favorite as it provides teens the ability to send a message or picture that is then erased (as
long as those receiving the message have not quickly taken a screenshot). Trying to follow teens from platform to platform can be bewildering. Discuss with your teen the concerns that you have and the threats that exist. Making them aware of the dangers of social media goes a long way toward helping them develop sound decisionmaking skills of their own. Rather than decreeing that they cannot use social media, involve them in the process of deciding which platforms they will use and how they should use them.
Establish Boundaries Develop guidelines for time spent on social media, recognizing that you cannot watch them constantly. Given that most teens use mobile devices to access social media, it might be a better idea to establish boundaries for when they can use their cell phones and tablets. As teens get older, however, restricting that access becomes more difficult. That is why it is crucial to build your overall relationship with your teen, instilling your values, and teaching them sound decision-making skills. Keep lines of communication open. If they feel that you will always disapprove of their use of social media, they are much more likely to hide it from you rather than share with you what is happening online.
Learn Social Media, Too Just because you’re the adult doesn’t mean you can’t be the social media expert in your house. Rather than relinquishing the technological mastery to your
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adolescent, read up on social media, learn the latest trends, and understand how the different platforms work. If Twitter is the most popular platform when your teen is old enough to have an account, learn how it works. Get an account. Connect with your teen online. Avoid being an obvious connection online, as you will likely only succeed in pushing them away, but let them know what behavior is acceptable.
Find Advantages Help your teen find the benefits to using social media. Teach them how to do a search on Twitter for clubs or organizations they may want to learn more about or volunteer with. Show them how to use LinkedIn to network with professionals in the field they may want to go into as adults. Help them discover groups on LinkedIn or Facebook that relate to the subjects they enjoy in school. Work with them to build their resume on LinkedIn, constantly building upon it as they complete science fair projects, win awards, or have accomplishments to include. They can embed their work right onto their LinkedIn profile, and then perhaps even connect with admissions
counselors or other people of influence from colleges where they want to attend.
Provide Experiences Finally, ensure that you are providing an environment where your teen has enough non-virtual experiences that they’re not just using social media for entertainment all the time. Establish family times where no mobile devices are allowed (that means you, too, grown-ups). Take a hike in the woods. Cook a new recipe together. Go to the movies. Have a day out with the family. Create opportunities for their friends to come over and hang out so that your teen can continue to develop their face-to-face social skills. As with most things in life, understanding and moderation go a long way toward preventing problems while simultaneously helping build relationships. Understanding the social media landscape and encouraging your teen to harness fantastic Add Your networking opportunities Thoughts! will help fortify your teen’s awareness of its potential and its dangers.
Counting
sheep
Sleep studies in children are ongoing, but the preliminary results are enough to make anyone sit up and take notice. Researchers have found that even such a small difference of 15-30 minutes of sleep per night can distinguish between students making A’s and B’s and students making mostly C’s or below. Consider the following from the Sleep Medicine Reviews: ∞∞ Poor sleepers were less likely to meet grade level requirements ∞∞ Lack of sleep or poor sleep is as strong a predictor of school difficulties as low parental educational levels ∞∞ Students with better grades reported more total sleep on school nights than students with lower grades
∞∞ The largest variance in GPA among college students was sleep, over factors such as eating habits, time management, social supports, or stress levels ∞∞ Students in schools who started early reported more sleep problems, use of caffeine, and sleepiness than those who attended schools with a later start time. ∞∞ Tardiness, sleeping in class, inability to concentrate, decreased motivation, and behavior issues are all correlated to insufficient sleep. How much sleep do children need? The following are guidelines: ∞∞ Preschool children aged 3-6 need 10-12 hours per day. ∞∞ School aged children aged 7-12 need 10-11 hours per day. ∞∞ Teens aged 12-18 need 8-9 hours per day. ∞∞ Your performance suffers after a poor night’s sleep, and so does your child’s. A good night’s sleep is just as important as health and diet to help your child Add Your be successful in Thoughts! school.
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Think about how you feel when you haven’t had a good night’s sleep. Tired? Groggy? Problems remembering? Now think about your child. They have the same feeling, although on a different level. Thinking in terms of school performance, chronically tired children are at a distinct disadvantage over their better-rested peers. Lack of sleep one night? Probably not a big deal. Lack of sleep every night? The child is certain to miss important instruction and concepts that may result in loss of skills or inability to keep up in class. Needless to say, a child’s lack of sleep is going to adversely affect school performance and behavior.
VOLUNTEERING VENTURES
for teens
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Volunteering can be an incredible experience, especially when you’re helping to further a cause you believe in. But if you’ve ever been forced or guilted into a volunteer opportunity that’s outside your area of interest or places constraints on your time or commitments, you’re probably familiar with the stress and dread associated with the entire process. While volunteering in the true sense of the word means doing something not expected of someone, many schools have made volunteering a prerequisite for graduation. Right or wrong, the requirement is well-meaning. Volunteering provides many benefits for teenagers, including the following:
commitment. With that in mind, here are some common volunteer opportunities suitable for most teens: ∞∞ Help care for animals at a local shelter ∞∞ Assist at a sports or recreation program ∞∞ Visit a nursing home ∞∞ Help with children’s classes at a local library ∞∞ Work with children at your place of worship. ∞∞ Lead tours at a museum
∞∞ Exploring interests
∞∞ Organize fundraiser for a local group or charity
∞∞ Helping others
∞∞ Help at a local community event
∞∞ Gaining experience for resumes and applications
∞∞ Plant trees
∞∞ Meeting new people ∞∞ Improving self-esteem and selfconfidence ∞∞ Developing empathy for others ∞∞ The opportunity to make a difference So what are some good volunteer opportunities for teens? That really depends on the teen’s interests, abilities, maturity level, experience, and level of
∞∞ Design or hang posters for upcoming events. ∞∞ Assist with registration at events Regardless of the volunteer activity, encourage your teen to choose something personally meaningful so that they’ll be interested in continuing the involvement in the Add Your future. The real goal of volunteering is, after all, to Thoughts! gain personal satisfaction from making a difference.
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TIME-MANAGEMENT:
Juggling Business and Family BY FEATHER LUTZ
However, when working with a family and small children around, an entire different set of challenges arises. Trying to do a job, or in my case start a viable business, was incredibly challenging. Attempting to play the roles of wife, mother, housekeeper, and business owner exhausted me emotionally, physically, and made me question my worth as a mother. But by using strict timemanagement strategies and carving out specific time for my children, housework, and business, I became more productive, less stressed, and my husband and children are much happier. My first attempt to set up my business and simultaneously care for two toddlers was nothing short of a disaster. Every minute produced a new distraction or demand, and my children were constantly jealous of the time I spent on the computer. Because
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The day after learning I was pregnant with my second child, I was laid off. When I tried to reenter the workforce, I soon discovered that pay rates had dropped significantly, making it impossible to find any opportunity offering anything close to my old salary. As a result, the cost of putting another child in daycare made the prospect of working fulltime outside the home impractical—and costly! I also worried about commuting. The drive itself was always frustrating, and gas was costly, and I was constantly nervous that something would go wrong at home and I’d need to drive back. The solution to these problems? Working from home. That’s when I decided to start a virtual assistance practice online.
When working with a family and small I couldn’t afford any help with childcare, I had to find practical solutions to alleviate my situation, and that included a lot of scheduling. Each day, we have scheduled story time, thirty minutes of uninterrupted mommy-and-me playtime, and educational lessons. It was crucial for us to stick to our schedule in order to be successful. By making a schedule just for my babies and sticking to it, they are more content, satisfied, and able to play on their own without fighting when I have to do work. Keeping the house in order presented another challenge. Between occupying children and work, I had very little time to tackle housework. As the clutter piled up around me, I took to my calendar and started carving out specific timeslots in which to accomplish chores. Instead of attempting to tidy up the entire house every day, I assigned specific rooms to different days of the week. I also wrote down each daily chore with a time limit for getting it done. Now, I do house work one hour in the morning before my children wake up, one hour at night when they go to bed, and then I have my hour in the afternoon as I prepare dinner. It all came down to time management and discipline: sticking to a schedule is crucial. I also used intense time management for running my business. While I perform specific work-related tasks during the day, the lion’s share of my work takes place in the evening when my husband is available to watch the children. It’s important to compromise with your spouse or significant other so that everyone
children around, an entire different set of challenges arises.
feels that his or her needs are being appropriately addressed. Everyone needs a little downtime. Working from home and being around your family all day may seem wonderful, but it’s often more challenging than dividing your time between home and a workplace. When you’re at work, you’re able to focus on your job alone. At home, you’re often pulled in a thousand different directions. Without structured time-management skills, it’s incredibly difficult to stay on task and accomplish your goals. I had to take a hard look at my calendar and strictly divide up my time during the day, and then work hard to stick to that schedule. If you’re currently working from home or are planning on doing so in the future, schedule what’s important—whether that’s your children, your spouse, your housework, Add Your or your hobbies—so that Thoughts! you can successfully juggle family and business (and stay sane).
STRANGER DANGER?
W
We tell our children, “Don’t talk to strangers.” As parents, such advice makes us feel better, as if we’re keeping them safe from kidnapping or abduction, but how realistic is that piece of advice? If your children are walking home from school and get hurt or lost, are they supposed to sit mutely until you make your way to them? Not so much. While “Don’t talk to strangers” means well, it’s not a realistic message. Statistics show that children are more likely to be kidnapped or assaulted by someone they know than by a scary man who drives by in a white van. Granted it happens but not as often. Besides that, sometimes a parent is not available, and a child
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NO MORE
may need help from a stranger. It’s better to teach your children to be smart with strangers rather than forbidding them from ever talking to one.
∞∞ Go to a public place: A lost, hurt, or scared child is more likely to find help in a densely populated area than in a less visible residential area. ∞∞ Find a uniform: Good guys overwhelmingly wear uniforms. Police officers, firefighters, crossing guards, and even mail carriers are usually good choices. ∞∞ Find a mother with children: She is generally a safe bet. She will be empathetic and know just what to say and do to help. ∞∞ Find a well-maintained house with toys in the yard: Like the advice above, a lost child knocking on the door of a house that obviously has children is probably going to find someone who will help. Even if no one is home, if children seem to have reason to be there, a possible assault may be averted. ∞∞ Stay with a group: There’s safety in numbers. ∞∞ Stick to the routine: A detour or change in routine can make it hard to locate your children if something happens. ∞∞ Avoid adults who seek them out: THIS is where the “don’t talk to strangers” is important. An adult who tries to get a child’s attention with a pet or candy may be up to no good.
∞∞ Be aware of the surroundings: If a strange car is following them, teach them to memorize the color and license plate. Look out for people who are in the same place at the same time every day for no obvious reason. Cause a scene: Children are often afraid to do this because they don’t want to get into trouble. In this case, they need to know that yelling and screaming in appropriate situations can get them the help and/or attention they need for the sake of safety. Don’t keep secrets: Reinforce to your children that adults should not ask them to keep secrets from parents. Tell them that you need to know if this ever happens. Approach the topic matter-of-factly, but reinforce the message occasionally to make sure the message sinks in. Reassure your child that most people are good and don’t hurt children and that Add Your the bad people are few Thoughts! and far between, but being prepared is always a good thing.
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Just what should children learn then?
∞∞ Trust their instincts: Children need to know that if something feels wrong they need to get away from the situation and get help. They may be embarrassed or feel silly, but it’s important that they learn to trust their feelings.
Stuck on
Stickers ∞∞ Beyond reinforcement for a job well done, stickers can also be used for fun learning activities: ∞∞ Peeling and sticking stickers on paper can help promote hand-eye coordination. ∞∞ Stickers can be sorted according to properties like size, shape, and color. ∞∞ Stickers are inexpensive materials to use to make counting, memory, or matching games, or number books.
∞∞ Stickers remain the go-to favorite for potty training, behavior, or chore charts. Stickers seem safe, but remember that small children do need adult supervision. Kids have been known to eat stickers, and most parents want to avoid scraping stickers off the furniture, car, refrigerator, or important business proposal. Regardless, stickers are a fun and inexpensive Add Your addition to any diaper Thoughts! bag or crafting stash to keep kids happy and entertained for hours.
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Plain or puffy, velvety or glittery, there’s just something about stickers. Though I have yet to see the sticker album craze of the 80s return, stickers are a perennial favorite among kids. Get an A+ on a spelling test? Great! Get a sticker beside that A+? Kids will jump through the wall with excitement. Older kids aren’t immune to the draw of stickers, either. Give a sixth grader a sticker on his paper, and he’s likely to pull it off and stick it on his face/hand/knee to show it off. Think I’m wrong? Look at the assortment of stickers in any crafts store and you’ll see how the appeal of stickers cuts across the ages. Those vinyl wall clings that are currently popular for use in children’s bedrooms? Glorified stickers.
∞∞ Alphabet stickers are a fun way to practice reading and spelling words.
– Sheryl Sandberg, Facebook COO and author of Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead
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“I want every little girl who’s told she’s bossy to be told, instead, she has leadership skills”