broader horizons
Everybody hurts, sometimes Are you happy to shed a tear when the situation arises, or are you more likely to opt for a silent sob behind a locked door so no one has to witness your sadness? Happiful ponders why so many of us are ready to press mute on the much-needed outward expression of so-called ‘negative emotions’, and how we can get comfortable with the need to cry
H
eading into a supermarket recently, I saw a little girl crying loudly as her mum tried desperately to console her. About 10 minutes later, I passed them again; the tears had stopped and the little one was sitting in a trolley seat, playing happily with a toy giraffe. Whatever had been devastating minutes before had been acknowledged, expressed, and moved past. The little girl’s tears stayed with me for days. I’d witnessed two ends of the emotional spectrum in quick succession, and I couldn’t help but reflect upon the power of a good sob, letting frustration, sadness, anger – emotion – out in the most natural and primal way.
Writing | Lucy Donoughue
As an adult, stopping still in the street and bawling, as much as I’ve often needed to, would probably cause most strangers to cross the road, or at least take some time to assess the risk of approaching a wailing woman they didn’t know. In my mind, there’s most definitely a socially acceptable time and a place for me to cry, and it tends to be behind closed doors, whether those are at home, the office loo, or in the car. I know I’m not alone. A friend of mine perfected the art of blinking her tears out over a bathroom sink at work so her eyes wouldn’t look red, and then no one would know she’d been distressed by festering office politics. I’ve witnessed people walk out of
rooms rather than allow their true difficult feelings to spill out, and I’ve heard so many unnecessary apologies for getting misty-eyed over the years. Letting go and having a good sob seems to be the exception rather than the rule for many of us, and tear avoidance can be a compelling alternative when crying shame rears its ugly head,
Childhood tears
So when do we start to mute our emotions, particularly the need to cry? When does holding back tears become the thing to do, unless we have a societally valid (and supposedly time-capped) reason like loss, death, and injury? And why does crying get such a bad rap anyway? >>> happiful.com | Issue 60 | 87
