Holistic Living ISSUE 19
By Global Healing Exchange
Confidence –
Find
Your
Strategy
Find
Confidence
To Trust
Yourself
Overcome The Voice Of Limitation
Connection
to all
Confidence
from
the
inside
out
Holistic Living Magazine Issue 19 DECEMBER 2019
holisticlivingemagazine.com www.globalhealingexchange.com/holistic-living Editor in Chief
Sharon White Editor at Large
Cassandra Jones Layout Artist
Francisco Mendoza III If you want to advertise your business, product or service with Holistic Living Magazine please contact us at sales@globalhealingexchange.com
CONTENTS Confidence – Why Should You Want It? Sharon White
01
Confidence Is Such An Odd Thing Cassandra Jones
03
Confidence – Find Your Strategy Sharon White
06
CONFIDENCE FROM THE INSIDE OUT Anne McKeown
09
Connection To All Gwenda Smith
12
Find Confidence To Trust Yourself Adrian Hanks
16
How Do We Overcome The Voice Of Limitation? Clarissa Mosley
19
Are you a confident being? Shona Russell
22
Confidence – Why Should You Want It? Sharon White Founder of Global Healing Exchange and Holistic Living Magazine
Please use the information you learn in these magazine as a guide. This content is not medical advice and is not intended to replace the advice of healthcare professionals. Always consult your doctor or other healthcare professional before beginning or making health changes. You should never disregard medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read in this magazine.
I picked confidence as a topic for this edition of Holistic Living Magazine because confidence can encompass so many areas in your life and without it, you can miss out on so many beautiful experiences. Many people let their lack of confidence get in their way and that makes any fear they have much worse. In fact, many are paralysed with this fear, and never achieve their goals. Confidence comes from a Latin word ‘fidere' which means "to trust or have faith in". Therefore, having self-confidence is having trust in your own ability. Also, having confidence can mean having confidence in something outside of yourself too. When you are looking to change areas of your life, you need to have confidence that you have the ability to change and succeed (self-confidence). You need the confidence you can find the right help to change. Also, you need the confidence that the universe will support your change. Confidence is a state of mind that comes from feelings of well-being, through accepting the messages from your body and mind. Also, having a belief in your own ability to take action. To succeed in life, you need confidence to face and overcome your fears. You need to believe in yourself. This can also mean to have enough confidence to do something and knowing it’s OK if you fail. (That is where we learn and grow). Confident people do not take on unnecessary or inappropriate work or obligations, or get taken advantage of by ‘friends’ and family as they have learned to say NO. It is only when we are not confident or we have not yet overcome our fears of pleasing others, that we self-sacrifice and say YES when we mean NO. Confidence is not something we are born with in all areas of our life. Some of us have more than others but it is an ability that can be learned and improved over time. There are steps we can take. For example, social confidence can be developed by practicing in social settings. 1
If being confident in a social setting is something you need to work on, you can prepare questions or topics to talk about ahead of time, get a feeling of the f low of the conversation and then speak when you are ready. If having the confidence to do public speaking is the thing you need most. You can start small and build your way to the goal you want to achieve. You can start by practising with a friend in your living room. Once you have confidence to do that. Invite 5 friends. Then keep growing your audience. The more you do something and the more you practise your skills, the better you get. Here Are 5 Ways To Show Conf idence With Body Language · · · · ·
Smile to build rapport with others. Look up. (Many people who lack confidence look towards the ground). Look people in the eye (make eye contact but don’t stare). Hold your body posture tall and in a strong position. Wear clothes that make you feel good.
These tips are simple but you need to start somewhere. I am sure you can see that there are some simple steps you can take towards being more confident. Confidence covers: self-empowerment, belief systems, breaking habits and embracing a 'shift' in perception. Having confidence to heal. Confidence to be your true self and so much more. As you can see this is a huge topic that our experts will help you with. When you have finished reading this magazine you will know how to find the tools to find your inner confidence. Then you can empower yourself to live the life you want and find the confidence to be your true self. Enjoy. Founder of Holistic Living Magazine
2
Confidence Is Such An Odd Thing Cassandra Jones Editor at large
Please use the information you learn in these magazine as a guide. This content is not medical advice and is not intended to replace the advice of healthcare professionals. Always consult your doctor or other healthcare professional before beginning or making health changes. You should never disregard medical advice or delay in seeking it because of something you have read in this magazine.
Conf idence is such an odd thing isn’t it; this edition has lots of great info about conf idence, how it works and so on. But how is it that you get conf idence? What do you do to keep it, strengthen it? Hopefully after you’ve read these few words you will have some ideas for yourselves on how to do just that. Many years ago, I was doing a course and it involved a lot of public speaking, and as part of the course we were coached on just that task. The Professor taking the course went through the usual platitudes about speaking and how it is one of the most fearful things in life, but he balanced it with some advice. He asked if anyone could ride a bike and asked how did people feel when they started? Fear was a common emotion. Pain shortly after starting (for me it was crashing into a car!!) But then you got better, you could ride, and quickly. His point was that everything starts off terrible, even if you have done something similar, you won’t be very good. With time and practice it will get better. A couple of years ago I did a refresher course on public speaking with Toastmasters, even though I got pretty good many years ago, I was approaching this course with a lot of trepidation. I’d not presented much in the intervening years; a bad experience left me somewhat scared of doing it again. But along I went, and much like the Professor said, it was like riding a back, I just needed to get back to it, and remember how to not um, and how to not stumble over my lines. Within no time I was back to being comfortable and enjoying the experience. This isn’t all about me though. A few years ago, in one of the Gymnastic Olympic trials, Laurie Hernandez, was caught on video saying “I got this.” While watching her saying to herself that she got this is rather wonderful to watch, it also goes to the heart of what conf idence really is. It is something ephemeral, f leeting and quite fragile. One day you can be conf ident, then next right down in the dumps. 3
It needs constant reinforcement, through words and deeds. Just like a wonderful garden, entropy will creep in unless it is tended and nurtured. You need to do things constantly to reinforce your abilities, you need to take yourself out of that comfort zone, do things that you are scared of. In recent years I’ve done painting (terrible at it), acting, also terrible, but enjoyed it so much I’m going to do stand-up classes, all in the name of pushing myself and reinforcing my core conf idence. So, I suggest you all go out and f ind something that scares you silly, not necessarily something like base jumping, but something that is a challenge and you wouldn’t normally do it. And go do it!! Editor at large
4
Confidence – Find Your Strategy Who do you want to be? Someone who is can learn HOW to find confidence and use it in confident in your ability and able to reach your your everyday life. The choice is yours and yours goals, or someone who is not confident and never alone. even tries because you know you will fail? Confidence is the cornerstone of leadership. If you Do you think you need confidence to have a don’t believe in yourself, how can others believe successful life and achieve the goals you set in you? yourself? Confident people achieve much more It is good to understand why you have low than people who are not confident. confidence. For many it is an accumulation of Only YOU can make you more confident, and the negative life experiences, thoughts and beliefs and good news is, once you have made the choice, you for many it actually starts way back in childhood. 6
You can change these beliefs and thoughts with NLP and hypnotherapy. It’s not something that can change overnight. You have to learn how to rewire your brain and how you see yourself, but it is possible. This is something else for you to look into, but we will not cover it in this article. Right now, we are looking at your confidence strategy.
We all have a strategy for confidence in us. You may not feel confident right now to achieve the big goal you have, by the end of this article, you will see you are close to getting it.
It can also help you achieve the goals you set yourself externally, for example, having confidence to go and ask your boss for the raise you know you deserve. Confidence to believe in yourself enough to set up your own business. Confidence to lead people in business.
In NLP this is the same. To teach someone a new strategy, you need to start at the basics until the strategy is part of the behaviour or beliefs of the person.
You will see that there are many reasons for you to feel confident. Maybe you already have enough confidence to do some things, but you don’t yet realise there is a strategy you use to have confidence. Your subconscious mind knows, and you do it unconsciously, but you don’t yet consciously know the strategy you use.
These Are Ways We Store Information In Our Subconscious Mind
Here is a very simplified example of a strategy. I know you are confident that you can put a fork in your mouth when you are eating. You have enough Confidence helps you achieve the goals you confidence to be able to feed yourself. set yourself internally, for example, having the confidence to exercise to get to the weight you So, let’s break this down…. want. Confidence to eat healthy foods, so you can live a healthier lifestyle. Confidence to speak your If you were going to teach a small child how to eat, mind and set your boundaries. how would you teach them?
Before you start explaining to the child HOW you eat. Read this:
· Visual. (What you see) External. Internal. Constructed. Remembered. · Auditory. (What you hear) External. Internal. Constructed. Remembered. · Auditory Digital. (Process) · Kinaesthetic. (What you feel) External. Internal. Constructed. Remembered. Proprioceptive (sense of self-movement and body position). · Olfactory. (What you smell) External. Internal. Constructed. Remembered. · Gustatory. (What you taste) External. Internal. Constructed. Remembered.
In NLP, strategy is a term that describes any internal and external set of experiences which consistently produce a specific outcome. This is the process happening in your mind while achieving a goal. When you do this sequence of behaviour over and over it becomes a strategy. If you know that you are confident in some areas of your life, and not others, you already have a strategy for confidence that you can now apply to the goal you want. If you feel you don’t yet have the confidence to reach your goals, you need to find your strategy.
So, when you are explaining HOW to eat, make sure you think about the words you are telling yourself. What you are seeing? Are there any sounds involved? What feelings are involved? Are there any smells involved? Is there a taste?
So, we know that a strategy is a mental sequence used Document everything you see, hear, feel, taste, to achieve a goal. So, we need to bring your strategy smell. Document the process and sequence of these for feeling confident into your conscious mind. events happening. Once this has happened you have a strategy that you can explain to the child how to Strategy For Finding Confidence eat just like you. 7
For Example: My Strategy For Eating Is:
else? (RECORD THIS STEP)
· I decide to eat something · I walk to the fridge · I open the fridge door · I look on the shelf to see what I want to eat · I look and I see the vegetables look delicious · I say, yes, I want to eat those vegetables · I take the vegetables out of the fridge · I open the container the vegetables are sitting in · I get out the saucepan · I heat them on the oven top · I place the vegetables on a plate · I place the plate on the table · I place the knife on the RHS and the fork on the LHS · I look at the plate · I think, this looks delicious · I pick up the fork · I pick up the knife · I cut the vegetable in quarters · I pick up a piece with my fork by using a stabbing motion · I put the fork in my mouth · I chew my food 25 times · I swallow
· Get the very next thing that caused you to be totally confident? (RECORD THIS STEP) · Did you picture something in your mind? Say something to yourself or have a certain feeling or emotion? (RECORD THIS STEP) · What was the very next thing that caused you to be totally confident? (RECORD THIS STEP) · After you, (take a look at the list you have made. Look at the last thing you mentioned) did you know that you were totally confident? (RECORD THIS STEP) You may have already found your strategy. Keep asking questions until your answer is yes. I knew I was totally confident! Then you have your strategy. If you have not yet found your full strategy keep asking questions.
· Did you picture something in your mind? Did you say something to yourself? Do you hear someone else saying something? Do you have a feeling? That is MY strategy for eating. Yours may be (RECORD THIS STEP) different. You may include smell. You might have a mantra you say to yourself before you eat. All of us · Keep going through this process until you KNOW are different. Regardless, you will see there is a step you have confidence. by step process of how I eat. You will now have a list – a step by step process – of Now you know HOW to find a strategy for eating. how YOU find confidence. You can do the same for confidence. Think of an area in your life where you are already confident. Now you have your strategy for having confidence. It might be getting out of bed and getting to work You need to rewire your subconscious mind and keep on time. It might be you feel confident to talk to practising your strategy. The more you practise, or others. It might be you feel confident to know when rehearse, the easier your subconscious mind will it is time to go to the toilet. make that your new strategy. So, To Begin. Think Of A Time You Felt Totally You can use this strategy in all areas of your life Confident where you are not yet totally confident. The secret is to keep practising. · Can you remember a time when you were totally confident? Can you recall a specific time? As you Sharon White go back to that time now, what was the very first Subconscious Mind Expert thing that caused you to be totally confident? Was it something that you saw, was it something that Click here to work with me. you heard, or the touch of someone or something 8
CONFIDENCE FROM THE INSIDE OUT “We can try and look confident dressed in and be quiet, or were embarrassed by something designer clothes or driving a flashy car but real or someone, or made an unconscious decision to confidence glows from within.” Anne McKeown protect yourself from external influences. People who lack self-confidence often suffer from The good news is that the real confident you is some or all of the following: still there inside, you just need to open the door and let him/her out. Allow that child to once Indecision again stand tall, speak up and feel free. Depression Comparison Self-confidence is the belief and affirmation that Avoid challenges you are valuable, worthwhile and capable, with A closed mindset some optimism added to help you ascertain your Limited social engagement abilities and act courageously. Did you know that you were not born lacking Confidence isn’t just a character trait, it is confidence? I’ve had clients tell me that they have something that dwells within. Your entire world been shy, awkward and lacking confidence forever. will change when you acknowledge your inner confidence. Only you can allow the flow of more Let me remind you that you screamed when you confidence in your life and through your body. were hungry, you pushed yourself to stand up Only you can remove the negative blocks in your tall, and talked out loud when you were a toddler mind that prevent you from feeling confident and until, at some point you were told to sit down appearing confident. 9
Confident thoughts lead to confident words which increase a confident belief system and results in confident behaviour f lowing naturally.
At the moment you may not even be aware of the unconscious thoughts or behaviour that you are sending out. Negative or shy signals to the world may be keeping you stuck. You can start feeling more confident by doing something simple like smiling.
As you can see, our perception of ourselves has a huge impact on our confidence. People who BELIEVE themselves to be confident act with confidence and create a self-fulfilling prophecy because they appear confident and feel confident, other people treat them as confident and so their confidence increases.
A smile helps you look relaxed, confident and comfortable in your own skin. A smile is attractive and welcomes others openly. And it’s not just about perception – when we smile the brain releases endorphins (positive hormones) so we naturally FEEL more confident and secure.
The picture they create in their mind is of Others pick up on this confidence and approach someone capable. What picture do you see of a confident person in a different manner to yourself? someone who is shy. It is hard work to create a conversation with someone who is reserved If this is not a f lattering or confident picture and lacking confidence. Rather than being more than choose to change it now. Draw a new supportive, it makes people more judgemental vision of yourself. and frustrated with you. Along with this vision, write the correct Confidence comes from repetition and effort. definition of yourself, list the value you bring Like any other skill it is something we can learn to the world, note your natural skills, your past and develop, and it needs regular practice. You achievements, your future goals. might start with smiling at people, then focus on holding your head high when you walk, then Write a definition that empowers you and make an effort to look people in the eye, give a helps you to develop the necessary grit to push through adversity and achieve your dreams. strong handshake etc. From this your internal driver and motivation You may have noticed that each of these suggestions will begin to surface and have the added benefit involves your body language. This is important of inspiring others too. because people ‘see’ you before they ‘hear’ you and they judge you in that first few seconds You no longer need to be the person others based on your posture and emotional energy. think you are, or the person you were yesterday. Today is a new day and you can be whoever you The second benefit of this is that the body affects wish to be. the mind (and vice versa), so when you adopt a confident stance, the mind is aware of this change The mind doesn’t know the difference between a and adapts accordingly, creating positive thoughts real truth and an imagined truth, it just believes and uplifting self-talk to match this positive body what we tell it. So, start telling it that you are language and now you are in an upward growing confident and watch yourself grow and develop. A mindset shift as small as this can bring huge spiral of confidence inside and out. benefits into your everyday life. What NLP has taught us is that everything starts with a thought – often an unconscious one! Anne McKeown When you are aware of your thoughts you can Neuro Linguistic Programming, (NLP) take a step back, question if they are helping or Hypnosis and Time Line Therapy™ hindering you and then choose to change them Click here to work with me. for the better. 10
ARE YOU A CONFIDENT BEING? I played sports, I was not the best at everything, but I did it and had fun. I had great childhood friends, and I was never a nervous person, or even introverted. I was more of the talkative and full on child. I guess I believed I was worthy of having or doing what I wanted. I had a very confident personality and I guess being around people, which was a reflection of myself, gave me a sense of worth and allowed me to radiate that realisation.
Have you ever watched someone, it might a first-time meeting at a party with a group of complete strangers, or someone that’s standing in front of a large audience speaking at a seminar?
This person is at ease and able to articulate and displays a manner of feeling comfortable and confident. You’ve thought to yourself, “Wow I wish I could be like that, standing there and feeing that confident in myself.” I’m sure we’ve all been that way at some stage in our lives. How confident do you feel at this moment of your life? Our Confidence Can Be Shaken Do you feel you lack confidence and struggle to bring Gradually somewhere over the years, and as I got that attribute through? older, with new experiences, people and events, I Or are you a very confident person and have no fear, struggled with certain aspects of myself. doubts or reservations of who you are? If you can put a number on and rate how you feel now, on a scale from At times my confidence waned, and I felt discouraged. I started to judge myself and I became more critical 1 – 10, what would it be? of my self-image and how I looked. Confidence can be radiated in various levels and in different ways. You are worthy of feeling confident I worried about how I may have been seen. I didn’t in your own unique way. As a young child, I grew up complete my high school education and I was fearful about what others might think of me. believing that whatever I wanted to do I could do it.
The Heart Of The Matter
12
Yes, there were times when my confidence was sky It could have been from your parents not truly acknowledging the little steps you made along the way, high and it would plummet just as deep. like riding your bike, drawing or painting pictures, Gaining knowledge, skills and learning new and swimming in the school carnival. exciting informative courses, such as energy healing, have been so empowering and definitely develops Maybe teachers in their ignorance, saying you were one’s confidence. (When my life opened to Forensic stupid, (yep I got that one from my English Teacher) Healing my confidence was really tested, as I would because you didn’t spell that correctly. Or they may have go into doubt about my abilities, and that ego voice in said, “You’d better give up playing the violin because my head would say, you’re not good at this, or that’s you’re not good at it, or berated for not doing better when playing sport better. not right). I’ve learnt that if I am open and have that absolute trust and faith, especially if a client experiences great results, I feel into that, and I ground it as my confidence within me, which will help transform the experiences that I create.
Childhood issues of self-worth, being told they would not amount to anything, quickly deflates one’s selfesteem and can suffocate and shrink the inner essence of their confidence.
Everyone experiences being nervous or anxious about doing something that pushes them past that comfort Is Confidence About Being Egotistical? zone of who they think they are, and what they truly With the amount of social media and reality shows, we can accomplish, but it’s until we actually push through are continually being influenced by today’s influencers. limiting beliefs that may have been thrown at us, that we truly know our power. They project strong individual images and we’ve somehow come to a point where we think that if someone Then you become this optimistic and expanding vessel is expressing themselves more boldly, overtly and of positiveness! We all have the ability to be inspired maybe even no holds barred type of character, that they and to inspire others. are somehow full of themselves and very egotistical. If you find that you’re having issues of being selfConfidence is also about coming from a sense of assured and lacking confidence of who you are and what humility and compassion for others, from a place of you want in life, then I know the benefits of Forensic authenticity. If you flaunt that to the world by showing Healing can quickly shift those limiting beliefs. up as ‘unapologetic’ or ‘shameless’ then that can be Have faith that you are a unique individual that is a power construed as self-centred and egocentric. source of energetic flow and limitless possibilities. Being confident is having the grace and brashness to walk into a room feeling so confident in your skin that In The Midst Of Chaos & Devastation – Confidence Comes you don’t worry about what others think. Over the last month we have been experiencing devastating fires in our region. Much loss of property, homes, animals and human live. We battled on my sister’s property one day fighting what became overwhelming fires, some were small and just as quickly could flare up and ravage a tree with ferocity that stood 15 feet high. Expanding Your Confidence With the neighbouring people we stood watching as You may have experienced severe lack of self-confidence fires swept across the top of each one’s property from as a child due to how you were acknowledged growing east to west. It was scary and in rural areas, we had to wait for a local service to assist. up. Confidence also comes from believing in yourself and knowing that you don’t have to be like everyone else, simply being quietly confident can make a huge difference in the world around you.
13
The noise of fire, trees crackling, and dry grass burning Forensic Healing is a proven therapy system was loud. You feel helpless, you’re at the mercy of mother superior to all healing modalities, because it: nature, and things can go from bad to worse in a flash. · Profiles the client, identifying negative life The neighbour had two young teenage girls, and we patterns, archetypes, emotions, belief systems, and were all (it was only women at that time) fighting what much more. we could with wet hessian bags, and shovels smacking the flames out. · Clears curses, negative energies, rituals, and many other spiritual issues. The mother was trying to remain calm and assure her girls all would be ok, but as we all looked at one another · Activates spontaneous healing forces in the body and trying to yell above the noise, I felt compelled to for immediate changes. say some words about the fire, how it was a symbol of change, the fact this experience was and is part of · Removes the negative conditioning stored in the purging, as fires so often do. DNA or cell memory · Uses healing secrets from ancient healing scripts combined with the most-advanced scientific methods.
Not only in the physical sense but on a spiritual level. To clear away any dense emotional pain, old habits, conditions that have started to break down in our lives and we need to find the inner strength to let go of what is weighing you down and hidden in the shadows so we can reawaken, rebirth and ultimately bring renewal.
· Utilizes healing pathways that use physical, emotional, energetic or spiritual elements. · Heals deeply at a soul level by targeting soul facets, fragments, DNA etc.
She started crying and confided to me that this was something that she felt she has been going through · Places a blessing on the client at the end of a healing. recently, she had unbeknown to me, been making significant changes to her health and life. · Educates and empowers the client to understand themselves so they leave with new information to I didn’t know her very well, so what I started to intuitively progress in their life. be guided to share became evident it was a message for her. At that precise moment I was extremely confident · Includes new Soul Module which removes embedded I was there to be that spark of courage, in this midst of implants, AI programs, mind control systems and extreme chaos and terror. She too was confident that I disconnects souls from the corrupted Matrix. as meant to be there at that time, as she looked at me and said, “You were meant to be here today to tell me See Yourself Having A Dynamic New Experience this.” I look forward to hopefully meeting you, joining We all experience a certain lack of confidence in stages your journey and helping you in any way to ride the of our lives, just as much as we can grow with confidence waves of growth, new beings and this wonderful as we learn, become assertive and determine how we life we truly can find inspiring and inspirational! can share our unique abilities in a multitude of ways. Many Blessings, Love & Joy To You All The Universe wants you to nurture confidence, especially when you listen and know or feel that you SHONA RUSSELL are on the right path, right now and at this precise time. Forensic Healer Award-Winning Structured Natural Therapy System That Combines Science and Intuition
Click here to work with me. 14
How Do We Overcome The Voice Of Limitation? Conf idence is the feeling or belief that we can achieve and what we can safely attempt and have faith in, or rely on, someone. possibly even master, particularly in social situations. Self-conf idence is knowing that we can trust our self. We have a belief in our abilities of It is different from expertise; it is a sense that what we can and can't do, what we are able to things will work out and that we will do okay. 16
Self-confident people seem at ease and appropriately assertive. There is a sense of certainty in their actions and speech. For example; the confident person meets a new person with a direct gaze and personal presence. There is little evidence of shyness, withdrawal or hesitation. Confident people are okay with putting themselves ‘out there’.
crumble, making the next new experience or challenging situation a little less daunting. Emotions That Inhibit Conf idence There are emotional factors that can block the ability to gain experience and get the evidence needed to develop better conf idence, broadly they are fear and shame.
Is Confidence The Same As Self-Esteem?
Fear will stop you from stepping out or stepping up to a new challenge. Fear of the unknown, fear that you will be at risk if you step out of your comfort zone, imagining all the terrible things that might happen in as many different scenarios.
Self-confidence can be shored up by self-esteem, but they are not the same. Self-esteem is a value of self, a positive self-regard or self-love. However, you can feel completely valuable as a person but not have much confidence in your ability to master certain tasks in life. Conversely, someone may appear confident in many situations while internally not feeling worthy of the success they have made.
People who suffer from anxiety can form catastrophic expectations of the outcome of their attempts, scaring themselves out of opportunities that could prove otherwise. These fears are fantasies of dreadful outcomes. If this is you then it is even more important to try to push your boundaries to disconf irm the worry. Try to take steps that are manageable and not overwhelming, and to prove, incrementally, that things are never as bad as you imagine they will be.
However, you are far more likely to be confident when you have high self-esteem. It’s all about your belief in yourself. If you like yourself you are more likely to have positive self-talk that is encouraging, leading to greater confidence in ability.
Those with high self-esteem and low levels of confidence, may just need to push their boundaries and try more new things because The fear or anxiety that blocks conf idence confidence is enhanced by evidence. can also be a cover for fear of failure and humiliation. The possibility of feeling shamed Many people who appear to have the gift of is a huge deterrent in trying new things. In confidence may have actually been though a lot human’s shame is possibly one of the most of experiences where they simply had to show overwhelming and dreaded emotional mood up no matter what. Perhaps they had to move states. house or school frequently so even as a child new experiences lost their edge. Or possibly they had Shame is a crippling sense of being unworthy, to take on responsibilities at an early age, thus it can cause a whole body drop in the nervous learning additional skills. system and recovery can take time. Shame creates the feeling of wanting to hide, to Many confident people are self-made. These are disappear, and for those who battle with individuals who wanted to push themselves into shame avoiding it can be more important that new or daring situations for a reason, maybe stepping out. they wanted a better job position, or to travel, or more relationship opportunities. We all have an inbuilt psychological mechanism that aims to protect us from the dreaded Experience is the evidence that fosters confidence feeling of shame, it’s the inner critic. What proving you can take on a challenge and not Freud f irst called the superego, the internal 17
For people with high inner standards, perfectionism can prevent conf idence either through resistance to trying anything until you feel you will be perfect, or lapsing into the fear of failure discussed above.
voice of judgement and standards. This social checking mechanism tells us when we are getting too much and need to pull things in and, ideally, can also bring us up when we are feeling down. Unfortunately, this ability to self-regulate, lift up out of low-energy emotions, and calm down high arousal levels, doesn’t always work optimally.
Self-compassion is more important in this case than conf idence, and it’s hard to have one without the other. When we have compassion for ourselves we can forgive the mistakes of ourselves and others. Compassion can calm the critical voice replacing the sympathy we may not have got as a child.
When the punishing and frightening aspect of the superego is dominant, anxiety and avoidance of shame ruin self-conf idence. An inner voice echoes, ‘why try when I am likely to fail and ruin things?” All the external support and evidence to the contrary will not Tolerance for the frustration of trying is silence this inner tyrant. This is the voice of another signif icant component of conf idence. How can you try if you can’t bear the effort? limitation.
How Do We Overcome The Voice Of Also, gaining awareness of, and letting go of our need to try and make other people happy Limitation? at the expense of ourselves. Always identify Inscribed on the temple of Delphi were the your needs in a situation, then you are far words “Know Thyself ” and this is the best more likely to make sure at least one person is option in understanding one's inner conf licts. taken care of ! Negative self-talk in any form needs to be uncovered and neutralised. If we don’t have the ability to know ourselves and identify our own inner inhibitory voice then not only can it take over, but it can get projected out and seen as coming from other people. A belief that they are judging you.
When the voice of the inner critic is recognized as a destructive or damaging internal dialogue, the person has a chance to change. But, when the voice takes over and scares one into a state of immobility, self-esteem and conf idence goes down the tube. A good idea is to externalise the arguments, speak them out as if you were having a conversation with two parts of your-self (because this is exactly what is happening within you). In this way you get the fear fantasies out in the open so their power is not going around in your head and then you can start to get evidence against them.
Our reality is ours. It is better we know and give ourselves the attention, compassion and encouragement we need. The more we understand about who we truly are, the less we operate on an automatic level. Our conf idence then is based in knowing who we are, being okay with failing and succeeding, being able to give it a go and forgive ourselves if we don’t Building greater self-conf idence is a multi- succeed. tiered approach. It includes knowing ones’ self and being relatively okay with who you are, pushing boundaries of behaviour, and dealing Clarissa Mosley with the inner voice of limitation. This Psychologist, Psychotherapist entails letting go of perfectionism, or, more importantly, the idealised image we think we Click here to work with me. should be. 18
Find Confidence To Trust Yourself What a great topic for an article – and what a great This last paragraph sums up quite nicely how confidence is either solid or shaky. One either has challenge to write something about it. confidence to do something or one does not. The deeper To begin with, I have to delve into a bit of my own question is why? Why is it either there or not there? inner confidence to be able to start writing on the topic of confidence. The first question that comes Generally speaking, confidence comes from our to mind – and which has the potential to shake my experience in having done something well; having confidence – is; ‘What do I know about confidence? achieved something with a successful outcome. If – Do I know enough to be able to write a worthy we have tried and failed, tried and got it wrong, then our confidence can be lost, even shattered. article on this topic?’ 19
The word ‘confidence’ comes from the late Middle Oftentimes the words ‘fake it until you make it’ are English: from Latin ‘confidentia’, from ‘confidere’ used. This can be a good strategy at times, as the ‘have full trust’. mind will eventually get the message that it is ‘safe’ to do the thing that was deemed ‘unsafe’ to begin Trusting in oneself is the real key to having (self) with. Safety is often the key aspect that is missing confidence. It is about trusting one’s ability to do in situations where confidence is void. As I have a task; to complete something with success. In shared already, our childhood experiences play a situations where the trust is lacking there is often big part in our confidence development and, if, as a that voice of ‘doubt’ that creeps in. The voice that child, we felt unsafe, unsupported or misunderstood, knows that there has been a previous, similar then that old story stays in the sub-conscious mind situation where the outcome was not satisfactory or and pops up whenever the ‘memory’ (or soul feeling) had a negative impact in some way. is triggered. Confidence building starts at a very young age. Our first steps, our first interactions and our first time in school is where we start this journey. Depending on how our efforts and actions are received and accepted, judged, rejected or ignored will determine if we gather and build our confidence or not. Once broken, confidence is often difficult to rebuild. Old stories, old memories and old saboteurs can play havoc with our mind if we have had our confidence broken.
Giving children positive messages (but be cautious of false hope) is great for confidence building. Fear and doubt are not good, and it is often the case that one, or both of these things get embedded into our being from a very early age. This, of course, then stops or lessens one’s confidence. I like to use the phrase ‘Name ‘IT’ and Tame ‘IT’’ when working with people with confidence building. Naming the ‘thing’ that is in the way is a good place to begin. The work can then be done to tame ‘it’. This is where some good holistic psychotherapy can help. One area where this is useful is with ‘Anxiety’. Meditation, breathing and being still helps to build confidence with one’s control of the mind and body, and helps to lessen anxiety. And, once again, there is generally a story that caused the anxiety, so naming and taming ‘it’ is the way to start dealing with it.
In truth, writing this article is actually quite a challenge for me. My confidence in getting all of my punctuation, grammar and sentence structure right plays on my mind. The reason for this is, I did not get the correct education in English class when I was at school. I have had to teach myself and get others to help me improve my writing throughout my adult life. I have had to find some self-belief; some confidence from within, to be able to call myself ‘a writer’.
Reading through this now, before sending it off to be published, has caused a minor flare up of anxiety (fear) in me, as I have now exposed my vulnerability in some way by writing about my own (lack of) confidence. However, by continually naming and facing and working on my fears and doubts and old stories, I lessen them and build up my selfconfidence. I trust that this article has also helped you to look at and build up your confidence in some way too.
Interestingly, I have published several books and am about to get my first novel published. It has taken a lot of confidence building to do this and there are still moments when I have to breathe deeply to hold that confidence. That inner voice of ‘the critic’ can be very loud sometimes! There are many areas of life where we have to find our confidence to do something. Public speaking is another good example. It is actually one of the top ten fears. Standing in front of people and speaking from a stage can be terrifying for many people. Thankfully, with some training, confidence can be built up to support people to do public speaking and many other things if their confidence is lacking.
Adrian Hanks Life Mastery Coach Click here to work with me. 20
Connection To All During a recent assessment of a young male You see we create a beautiful ripple effect, like the client I asked, “What is the most important thing pebbles across the water, and with everyone that we to him in his life?” He replied, “Connectivity to cross paths with, we have that effect. people.” Be it the person at the grocery store, or sitting next I asked him to expand on that and why it was so to someone on a bus or train, waiting in a queue. important to him. His reply was; “To make my Whenever we are near another person, we are life seem more significant as we are all connected connected in the unseen energy spaces between us. on some level.” It has come to be known that our thoughts affect To say we are all connected on some level is our energy. On a more practical level it is easy to what the philanthropists tell us, and metaphysics see the energy of a person simply by observing their believe that our connectivity far expands our posture, their way of walking and how they speak. conscious mind. Our spoken words are full of energy and connect with the person who hears them on much deeper I like to look upon life in real time, to be living levels than can be seen by the human eye. in the present, which paves the way for a strong foundation within oneself. From this foundation At any time you are in another person’s energy we can form valued inspired and worthwhile field, you can change the connectedness through a meaning to our connectedness with others. kind word or gesture.
22
I like the ideology of the young man whereby he feels that connectivity makes life seem more significant. For me connectedness begins with self, you see to live a life of harmony and fulfillment one must first be connected to one’s own heart and soul. This is not so easy for many people, because the distractions that are created in this life take us further and further away from our heart, and from hearing the song of our soul, or even the guidance of our soul.
and support others in their path. Which brings me back to being like the ebb and f low of nature. We do not see the demand for place or power in nature, all things grow and expand together.
Connection and connectivity for me expands beyond the human connection. Our connection to nature, the forest, oceans, rivers and animals and even air and sunshine is the way for us to know true connectivity to all living beings.
All connectivity has its place, but at the end of the day the connection that you have with your own heart and soul is the most important. As mentioned in the article earlier, this is our foundation that provides us with a deeper sense of knowing and understanding of connection.
When we can be in a place of connectedness, we experience a life that is joyful and peaceful. The overall affect is the pebbles over the water, the ripple effect. And the continuous connectedness expands more than our energy and mind can see. To be connected to one's heart is in fact the most To have a deep connection between our heart amazing journey that we could take in our life, and soul is our foundation. It is in this that we it is also one that brings us to having deeper have a place of infinite strength and energy from connections with everyone we choose. which to draw on throughout our life. It is from this well of energy and strength that we can To be connected to our soul is the greatest heal ourselves and find peace. When we have journey that we can take in this life. So often the foundation of connectedness to our true self, we find that our time in our connectedness is our heart and soul, our connection with others run by the mind. The mind is where we find change. Life becomes more harmonious, easier our connectivity to all things. Things from our forefathers, our parents and the schooling systems. if you will.
All of nature is full of connectedness, it is full of energy. It is through our ability to connect with nature that we can have a greater sense of place in the world. It is through our connection with animals that we can find a deeper sense of compassion.
Connectivity expands beyond the conditioned mind and the noise of the mind. Connectivity beyond the mind means we can embrace a strong foundation of being grounded and centred from the earth, up through the physical self, and beyond what can be seen.
Nature is a force to be reckoned with and a force that mankind is not able to control. Through acceptance of this force we come to have a greater, deeper understanding of being connected. When we understand the way of nature and we watch how nature is connected in every way, we see that nothing in nature has resistance. Nature simply ebbs and f lows. It blooms and it passes without resistance. It does not hold on to what has been. It is when we can sit in that connectedness and understand the ebb and f low of nature, we are able to bring a greater sense of significance to life. To use the words of the young man, connectedness allows us to have a way of being able to share
Connectivity to Mother Earth and all life force from Mother Nature is what allows us to enjoy a sustainable world, therefore a sustainable life. Freedom, peace and harmony can be found through connectivity to oneself. Through learning and applying daily practices such as spending time in nature, sitting in a quiet space, allowing the mind to be quiet, we can connect to our innate wisdom and the energies around us. Through this knowledge we can call upon the powerful healing energy that resides within all of us. 23
standing next to someone in a queue, or sitting next to them on a bus or a train, the same applies to the work environment. It is your intention of what you wish to bring into the work environment, which then creates the connectivity Looking within our own heart is often a challenge you experience. for many of us. Within the heart, little do we know, there are many things that we have held that we You can create the ripple effect in your workplace, do not wish to look at. I encourage you to be you are able to change an environment that is courageous, to let your heart speak and then hear unpleasant, perhaps stressful, through the way the messages of your heart. It is here that you find you connect to yourself first. The actions and freedom. It is here that you can begin the release reactions you make in the workplace, such as being of pain, sorrow and even resentment and anger. present in all that you do, rather than participating To begin the journey of forgiveness is the greatest in office gossip. Maintaining your focus on the connectivity that you can have with yourself. tasks that you have at hand, and staying present with those tasks, is what will enhance the Daily practices such as enjoying a freshly made connectivity throughout your work environment. juice, eating fresh fruit and vegetables that are seasonal, is another practice that you can do Tiredness and exhaustion can be overcome to increase your connectivity to yourself. Food through applying daily practices of connectivity, affects the connectivity of your physical body first to self, then through the principle of the ripple on a cellular level. It is this connectivity which effect, to reach out to others, no matter where you are whether you are at work, play or home. determines the overall health of the body. Learning the art of paying attention to the breath, and doing simple practices such as 5 deep slow breaths, 3 times a day brings a greater sense of awareness, therefore connectivity to oneself.
Some may say that a lot of what we experience in the workplace or in relationships is put upon us because of the restraints in the workplace, or by the behaviour of a spouse or child. I would say it is a perception, and therefore something that can be changed through being present. Through being aware, and choosing to be connected to yourself It is the ripple effect that brings us to a more first. Then sending that beautiful connectivity meaningful way of connection between people. out to all around you, in the workplace. The intention you have in your thoughts, words and actions affects the level of conscious Some practices that you can use to enhance your connection. With greater intention through connectivity for all who reside with you in your conversations, you are able to bring healing light home is to spend time with each other laughing, and joy to others. Remembering that as you do, playing, indulging in some fun games that bring you expand the ripple effect, and it goes beyond about a lightness, so it uplifts the energy between what your conscious mind is able to perceive, and everyone. And of course, the power of a hug, a most beautiful tactile interaction is the greatest far beyond what your eyes are able to see. connectivity that we can experience for ourselves Another practice that you can do on a daily basis and what we can share with others. that will increase your connectivity, is to build a strong foundation of what it is you would like to Gwenda Smith be able to achieve each day. So often we get lost in Holistic Lifestyle Mentor & Educator the demands of going to work and of doing our job. Remember earlier in the article where I mentioned Click here to work with me. you have a connectivity, even when you are Spending time with people who inspire, motivate, listen to, and encourage you is another way of bringing greater connection to others into your life. It is also how you bring a greater depth of connectivity for others. Again, the ripple effect comes into play.
24
WORD SEARCH S M C I C K J D X M D W N T E
M S P N E F N U G A N Z C H Y
C E E T Y I K N C T Y O O O O
E I D N M T I G H A N V N E E
N C T I S H W E N N T Z F J E
E E F S T U R Y E Q X R I A S
R D K A I A O C B M W T D Z I
G B E Y P L T I H Z I C E J C
Y R A Y F I O I C E T N N N R
B O F E O H M H O S A C C P E
T E G N Q W L V A N N L E L X
H R E L A X A T I O N O T S E
E G A S S A M V P S V P C H K
H T G N E R T S R E N N I L I
O J H T A H N J Y M P B O D Y
BODY CONNECTION EXERCISE INNERSTRENGTH MIND BREATHING CONSCIOUSNESS HEALTH MASSAGE RELAXATION CONFIDENCE ENERGY HOLISTIC MEDITATION THERAPY
NEED MORE CUSTOMERS OR CLIENTS? Advertise in this magazine. Get promoted on our website. Get promoted on our social channels. CONTACT US AT sales@globalhealingexchange.com
FOLLOW US ON
Have You Seen These Features On Global Healing Exchange Yet? · The Holistic Healing Portal · The Holistic Learning Centre · Healing Modalities · Health & Technology · Healthy Environment · Healthy Food · Subtle Energy, Beliefs & Emotions · Holistic Business Tips · Reviews
