Humor Times, May 2021

“Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.” – Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Issue #349

May, 2021

The News, as Told in Political Cartoons!

Mere l $2.98 y

®

Featuring the finest in editorial cartoons and political satire. Subscribe Today!

Advertise in the

Reach an intelligent, good-humored audience with good incomes! And you don’t have to spend a fortune to get your message in front of them!

Call 916-758-8255 or email info@humortimes.com.

Humor Times, P. O. Box 162429, Sacramento, CA 95816

2

OMNETWORKS A Complete Internet Solution WWW • DSL WiFi • T1/T3

Technical Support WWW.OMSOFT.COM • 530-758-0119 HUMOR TIMES

Available at the Artists Collaborative Gallery 129 K St. Old Sacramento www.johnreigerpottery.com May, 2021

Editor’s Letter

Fili-busted

(Note: We were going to press as the verdict was reached in the George Floyd trial. Thank God a just verdict was handed down. We only received a couple cartoons in time for publication – including the cover – but we will publish a full review of the trial and the aftermath, cartoon style, in the next issue.)

Sen. McTurtle claims he only wants to help...

How rich is rich enough?

We are allowing an oligarchy to take over this country, and that needs to be reversed.

As an article in Nation of Change (https://www.nationofchange.org/2021/04/20/a-thirdof-u-s-billionaire-wealth-gains-since-1990-have-come-during-pandemic/) reports: “Between 1990 and April 2021, the combined wealth of U.S. billionaires increased 19-fold, from $240 billion in today’s dollars to $4.56 trillion in 2021.”

And if that’s not bad enough, this part is really obscene: “Between March 18, 2020, and April 12, 2021, the collective wealth of American billionaires leaped by $1.62 trillion, or 55 percent, from $2.95 trillion to $4.56 trillion.”

Yes, folks, it’s way past time for a wealth tax! The super-rich got that way off of the backs of workers, and it’s time they gave back to this country. “America’s 719 billionaires now hold over four times more wealth ($4.56 trillion) than all the roughly 165 million Americans in society’s bottom half ($1.01 trillion), according to Federal Reserve Board data,” the article notes.

Biden’s proposed infrastructure bill is a start. Democrats should not allow it to get watered down, especially when it comes to how it’s paid for (taxes on the rich). Republicans are countering with such regressive tactics as putting toll roads everywhere. NO! Bringing the corporate tax rate back up to 28% is still 7% below where it’s been for decades (35%), until the last president and the Republican congress at the time gave away the store to the richest among us. (As is their habitual tendency.) And closing loopholes will be essential.

Did you catch Biden’s infrastructure speech? (See it at https://youtu.be/9JJLAKpJ2Wk.) It was a powerful, direct, heart-felt speech and plea for bipartisanship on this bill. He gave an excellent breakdown of what it will do, and of how it’s in our tradition of big projects to invest in ourselves, like the railroads, the highways, the moon shot etc. He went on to explain how infrastructure now includes high speed internet, smart and secure electric grid, clean energy, etc.

President Biden has really been impressive in his initial days in office. I think anyone with a half-open mind on the right will begin to see this guy’s for real. Perfect? Hell no! Who is? But he’s down to earth and sincere (polar opposite of the previous guy). With good results from this bill and the relief stimulus, he could even become to rank-and-file Republicans what Reagan was to Democrats, pulling many of the more centrist types over to his side.

In the end, Biden could end up helping the Democratic Party quite a lot over the long haul.

But it all depends on having tangible success, which is why Senator Manchin has to get his butt in line, and we’ve got to change the filibuster. And pass the damn voting rights bill!

Anyway, regardless of what the Republicans in Congress say, it’s obvious from polling that Biden IS getting Republican support from citizens, just not from their “just say no” so-called “representatives.” Talk about SAD!!!

– James Israel, Editor

but his serial abuse of the filibuster has come home to roost.

NOTE TO SUBSCRIBERS: First of all, thank you so much for subscribing to the Humor Times! You keep us going. Secondly, if you subscribed through an online magazine agent, please do us a favor and subscribe directly with us at https://subs.humortimes.com! For example, if you subscribed through a company like magazines.com, we have to share your subscription fee with them, while our mailing and printing costs remain the same. So it would help us a lot if instead you renewed directly with us.

To check your account type, look at the address label on the back cover. After your name, you will see two numbers: one beginning with “S” and one with “D”. “S” is your account number, and it has a dash and another letter after the number. That denotes Direct (“D”) or Agent (“A”). If it’s “A”, you subscribed through an agent. Please get in touch with the company you used, and tell them you do not wish to renew. (You will still get all the issues you paid for.) Then, be sure to contact us (see below) and let us know, as we’ll need to send you direct renewal reminders when it’s time. The price is the same if you’re set to auto-renew (as you likely are with them). By the way, the other number on the label, starting with “D”, is the issue Due number – the issue with which your subscription comes due.The current issue number is on the front cover, upper left.

Thanks again!

It’s that kind of abuse that needs busting...

The Humor Times® (ISSN 1937 299X), Vol. 30, Issue 349, is published monthly by the Humor Times, 7271 Lindale Dr, Sacramento, CA 95828. (Not our mailing address, see “postmaster.”)

Periodicals Postage Paid at Sacramento, CA and additional mailing offices. POSTMASTER: Send address changes to: Humor Times, P.O. Box 162429, Sacramento, CA 95816-2429.

Subscriptions: http://subs.humortimes.com. Website: www.humortimes.com.

Editor: James Israel. Publisher: Jim LeDoux. Email: info@humortimes.com.

Phone: 916-758-8255. Printed by: Herburger Publications, Galt, CA 95632.

Contributors: Ruben Bolling, Bill Bramhall, Chris Britt, Jon Carter, Ken Catalino, Diane de Anda, John Deering, Michael Egan, Roger Freed, Walt Handelsman, Phil Hands, Joe Heller, Jim Hightower, David Horsey, Paul Lander, Chan Lowe, Mike Luckovich, Andy Marlette, David Martin, Joel Pett, Dan Piraro, Rob Rogers, Harley Schwadron, Drew Sheneman, Scott Stantis, Dana Summers, Dan Wasserman & others.

Contributions: Send artwork/submissions to address or email above.

The Humor Times (formerly the Comic Press News) is printed on recycled paper, using at least 60% post-consumer fiber. All contents ©2021. No part may be reproduced without permission.

$4 • SAVE $4 or more by ordering your subscription online at subs.humortimes.com! • $4

ALWAYS A WELCOME GIFT IDEA!!!

and only one man stands in the way: sadly, a Democrat.

Name: ___________________________________________________________________ Address: _________________________________________________________________ City: ______________________________________ State: ______ Zip: _____________ How did you discover us? _________________________________________________ Email (helps us keep renewal notice costs down):_________________________________ 12 issues (1 year) . . . . . $26.95 12 issues/Canada . . . . . . . . . $53.95 24 issues (2 years) . . . . $50.95 12 issues/Foreign Sub. . . . . . $82.95 Trial Sub (3 issues) . . . . . $8.95 12 issues/PDF download. . . . . $9.95 Please Check if RENEWAL. Subscriber # (on label, starts w/‘S’): __________ Donation: I’d like to help the cause of political humor! $_________ Send check or money order payable to the Humor Times to: Humor Times, P.O. Box 162429, Sacramento, CA 95816 a

Or use your: p Discover

p Visa

p Mastercard

p American Express

Card no.: ____________________________________________ Security code: ____________ (3-digit # on back, or if AX, 4-digit # on front)

Signature: __________________________________________ Exp. date: _________________ Name (as it appears on the card): _______________________________ Phone: _________________ (OR include all this info on a sheet of paper. Please allow 4-6 weeks for first issue. Phone orders: 916-758-8255.)

May, 2021

HUMOR TIMES

3

“We shall overcome because the arc of the moral universe is long but it bends toward justice.” – Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

Bending Toward Justice The whole world watched this trial in tense anticipation...

Without continuous vigilance...

4

but the killing of unarmed blacks continues.

we might never even know the true extent of it.

It seems it’s only getting worse...

and will until real changes are made.

Finally, however, at least in this one case...

justice was served.

HUMOR TIMES

May, 2021

GaetzGate He always considered himself one of the cool kids...

but now kids had better steer clear.

He’s trying out a playbook that’s never really worked...

and making things tough for his own team.

It’s a toxic environment...

and really bad for branding.

He still appeals to his base...

May, 2021

but he’d better watch out.

HUMOR TIMES

5

The Jerry Duncan Show Interviews Congresswoman Marjorie Taylor Greene

By Dean Kaner Wherein our intrepid talk radio show host interviews Georgia Congresswoman Majorie Taylor Greene.

ANNOUNCER: Live from under a rock in your backyard, it’s The Jerry Duncan Show.

JERRY: Good morning listeners nationwide. Is it a good morning? Not really. My guest to day is Geor gia C on gre s s w oma n a nd Q ue e n of Conspiracists, Majorie Taylor Mean.

MARJORIE TAYLOR GREENE: It’s Greene, Majorie Taylor Greene.

Like the color of your snot.

Georgia Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene.

JERRY: Hey, wisecracker. Do you Caricature by DonkeyHotey, flickr.com. know the difference between spinach and snot?

GREENE: No. JERRY: Kids don’t eat spinach. Let’s begin the interview with an incident that happened at your high school when you were 16.

GREENE: What if my mother is listening?

JERRY: It’s not about those wild nights with your boyfriend when your parents were out of town.

GREENE: Good. What happens in Georgia, stays in Georgia.

JERRY: A fellow high school student armed with a gun held 53 students hostage. The kid surrendered and no one was hurt.

GREENE: Scary shit. That’s when I realized all students should carry guns in school.

JERRY: I always say, “Give a man a gun and he’ll rob a bank. Give a man a bank and he’ll rob everyone.”

GREENE: I’m serious, man. There are Space Aliens that are abducting kids walking home from school. It’s a plot by Hillary Clinton. She is making money off them on the Bangladesh Children’s Network.

JERRY: For the record, you’re nuts. I heard that when you saw a yellow school bus full of white kids, you ran after it yelling, “Twinkie!”

GREENE: Fake news.

JERRY: Isn’t it true you put two M&M’s in your ears hoping to listen to Eminem?

GREENE: It was genius. But for some reason, I couldn’t make a connection. Look. I won my congressional district with 75% of the votes. I can do what I want. I have a lot of support from good people like the militants who stormed the U.S. Capitol building on January 6.

JERRY: The wing nuts love you–Jim Jordan, Andy Biggs, Mo Brooks, Mark Meadows.

GREENE: Don’t forget Louie Gohmert.

JERRY: Do you know how to get Gohmert Pyle to wear a face mask?

GREENE: No. JERRY: Convince him to storm the Capitol building.

GREENE: Good idea.

JERRY: Let’s go over some of your accusations. You said that a plane never crashed into the Pentagon on 9/11.

GREENE: That’s right. The Secretary of Defense was passing out donuts. Governor Chris Christie happened to be nearby and lunged for the box. He missed it and crashed into the building.

JERRY: You tried to decertify the results of the Presidential election in Georgia.

GREENE: The election was rigged. Donald Trump won.

JERRY: No, Joe Biden won. The votes were certified three times and it put that Trump lie to rest.

GREENE: C’mon. The votes were counted

by Chinese President Xi Jinping Pong from an apartment building in Chinatown. It was Wong on so many levels.

JERRY: Oh. Here’s an oldie but goodie. You said House Speaker Nancy Pelosi is “our enemy within the House of Representatives.”

And threatened violence against her.

GREENE: Not against her. Against her hair.

Pelosi is so full of dandruff that when she shakes her head, it’s considered a snow day.

JERRY: One last statement. You said inhaling carbon monoxide keeps you safe from the coronavirus.

GREENE: True. I’m going to suck a tailpipe when this interviews ends.

JERRY: Here’s a fact, Looney Tunes. Studies show 100% of humans that have died inhaled oxygen at least once in their lifetime.

GREENE: What’s oxygen?

JERRY: Since you don’t know, I guess that makes you “an oxymoron.”

GREENE: Thank you, Duncan. For once, someone complimented me for my intelligence.

Follow “A Bit of Biden” on Instagram @abitofbiden every Monday, Wednesday and Friday.

The Jerry Duncan Show, (c) Dean B. Kaner

6

HUMOR TIMES

May, 2021

Mission ‘Waste of Time, Money & Lives’ to Finally End

May, 2021

It’s been a lo-o-ong time coming...

but the end is finally in sight.

It won’t be easy...

and it’s sad, but we may not have been much help.

But enough is enough...

and you have to know when it’s time.

It was a fool’s errand from the start...

and pretty much everyone else knew it.

HUMOR TIMES

7

Democracy: Not Optional Helping out your neighbor is the American way...

8

which is un-American, say red states...

unless you’re the right kind of voter.

But help is coming from an unlikely source...

and they’re swinging for the fences.

That got McConnell fighting mad...

but he managed to temper his anger.

Meanwhile, democracy itself is at stake. (continued)

HUMOR TIMES

May, 2021

Crisis Mode There are certain criteria to reach crisis level...

Some changes are needed, they said...

to protect the outcome.

and the calculus is malleable.

Fear is certainly a motivating factor...

The solutions may seem draconian, they admitted...

as asylum seekers know better than anyone.

but they’ve got the appetite for it.

May, 2021

HUMOR TIMES

9

Cartertoons • www.cartertoons.com

•

by Jon Carter

Cartertoons • www.cartertoons.com

•

by Jon Carter

‘We Report, You Decry!’

Headline News Section Aspiring to the High Standards Set by Cable News

Thousands of Jobs for Earth People Available on Planet Zardoc Dispatches from SNN (Slobovian News Network) – By Ted Holland Zardoc is said to have thousands of jobs available which are plentiful and extremely well-paid.

SNN has learned that there are thousands of high-paying jobs available to earthlings on the planet Zardoc.

Zardoc is the wealthiest planet in the Stratustic Yuccasphere. The average resident of the planet is worth the equivalent of 84 million dollars in American money, so Zardocians have no need for jobs.

Wages on Zardoc are “unreal” — a server at Blappo’s (Zardoc’s Wendy’s) are 23,000 Gizankas an ooker (about $4,000.00 an hour).

The best-paying positions include being a Bumbelstumpher on an intergalactic garbage scow. The bumbelstumpher position is comparable to the first mate on a luxury yacht, a Roto-Rooter man or a hired assassin. The job requires that the applicant be fluent in interga-

Revealed: Queen Dispatched 007 to Halt Meghan / Harry Interview Dispatches from SNN (Slobovian News Network) – By Ted Holland Exclusive Report: The Queen was quite desperate to stop the broadcast of the Prince Harry and Meghan Markle interview.

A shocking report reveals that, in an unprecedented and desperate move to stop the much-heralded and widely advertised television interview of former Royal family members Prince Harry and Meghan Markle, Queen Elizabeth personally dispatched famed British Secret Service agent James Bond to quash the interview by any means necessary — including using his license to kill.

lactic languages and weapons.

The second-highest paying position is that of a Garoofer, or professional foot kisser. Having

Trips to Planet Zardoc are set to leave monthly.

the feet kissed is a particular luxury to wealthy Zardocians, who like it done about 8500 times a day.

Another top salary position is that of Sqewbleflasser, or money-eater. Old Zardocian coins must be eaten and defecated into space.

1000 cases of Ex-Lax are a requirement.

There are openings for earth hookers, but Zardocians have 237 sex organs, which all must be serviced simultaneously.

If you are considering a job on Zardoc, you must consider that currently, there are several hardships confronting you. First, travel to Zardoc is quite long and primitive. A spaceship journey to Zardoc lasts approximately 219 yekmoms in Zardocian time or 20 years earth time. There is no earth food service on board, so consider packing 22,000 peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. There is also no bathroom facilities for earthlings… so pack another 750 rolls of TP. Lastly, there is no conversion rate for Zardocian money to any kind of earth money. If you make it there, you have to spend it there.

If you interested in obtaining work on Zardoc, you may obtain job applications from SNN, in care of Humor Times. There is a non-refundable application fee of $225.00 (U.S. earth dollars). Make checks payable to Ted Holland at SNN.

In shocking revelation, FBI confirms that Matt Gaetz really is “Big Boy” Shoney

By Ralph Lombard sive “Big Boy” designer clothing line left him The FBI has finally acknowledged what in financial ruins. Then, after providing grand many have long suspected: that Florida Con- jury testimony linking the Hamburglar to sevgressman Matt Gaetz actually is “Big Boy” eral illegal onion rings, “Big Boy” Shoney enShoney, the famous burtered the Witless ger-making child prodigy Protection Program and and restaurant entrepredisappeared. neur.

It was 2016 when “Big “It’s him all right,” Boy” Shoney re-emerged, confirmed one agent, running for public office “minus the trademark red under the alias Matt and white checkerboard Gaetz. His unique buroveralls. And let me tell ger-making abilities, as you, he still makes one well as his Conway Twithelluva badass burger!” ty-like good looks and big “Big Boy” Shoney hair won over voters, enwas the illegitimate suring a convincing Conlove-child of cargressional victory. toon-hero Speed Racer But things began to unand Saturday morning cartoon-diva Strawberry ravel for him once again in 2017, when the FBI Shortcake. He endured a lonely and forlorn intercepted a cryptic e-mail from Gaetz offering childhood, but found comfort in his own preco- “all-you-can-eat breakfast delights” in excious burger-making abilities. By the age of 4 change for “creepy sex favors” to several 17 he was operating his own chain of highly-suc- year-old West Virginia coal-miner’s daughters. cessful restaurants, and by the age of 7 he was a Since then. Gaetz has been under investigation self-made millionaire. by the FBI and the Girl Scouts of America, but His meteoric rise devolved into a downward denies any wrong-doing. spiral of epic proportions in the late seventies, “It’s nothing but a liberal fake-news however. He became addicted to monosodium witch-hunt hoax!” he claimed earlier this week, glutamate, and his ill-fated launch of an exclu- “I don’t even know where the e-mall is!”

Making fun of the headlines today, so you don’t have to

The Queen, fearful that the duo would spill British Royalty and Government secrets, has dubbed them as traitors. She has stripped them of all titles and defuncted their royal salaries and allowances.

SNN has learned that Slobovian News Network head Andreas Pissebukkette has offered the husband and wife team positions as reporters on SNN’s highly popular entertainment show “Hollywood Schitte.”

Unbeknown to the British, the Oprah Winfrey Organization had hired Slobovian Secret Service agent and former Olympic sextathlete Gerta Grabbo to protect Meghan and Harry.

Tipped off by double-agent 00234 as to the British dispatching of Bond, Agent Grabbo was able to intercept Bond, and disguising herself as Pussy Galore, threw Mr. Bond a one-woman orgy until the televised interview was over.

She then injected him with a newly formulated Slobovian Secret Service short-term Amnesia drug.

According to Oprah Winfrey, “Mr. Bond will experience a short lapse of memory, fall asleep and then awaken thinking that he is George Lazenby.”

By Paul Lander. All you need to do is follow one simple rule: barely pay attention and jump to conclusions. So, here are some headlines today and my first thoughts: Over two-thirds of Americans now satisfied with COVID vaccine rollout: poll I do have one complaint. Just got my first shot, and still waiting for a welcome mes sage from Bill Gates.

Accidental discharge isn’t an excuse for a cop killing a man But, might work as an excuse for how we got Eric Trump.

Matthew McConaughey may be a viable candidate for Texas When asked how he thought he do he said: “Alright! Alright! Alright!”

Hayley Hasselhoff makes history with curvy ‘Playboy’ cover: “Your body doesn’t define you” I’m assuming that’s in the accompanying article no one’s going to read.

Women detail drug use, sex and payments after late-night parties with Gaetz and others Or, as Hunter Biden calls it … a slow Tuesday.

The United States should prepare for a sixth year of above-average number of Atlantic hurricanes, Colorado State University Also, Colorado State University: “We’re in Colorado … Neener… Neener.”

A Minneapolis cop apparently didn’t know the difference between a gun and a taser Shocking …

Cindy McCain set to land Biden ambassadorship to Rome based UN Group … While Caitlyn Jenner’s is still holding out for Transylvania.

Dakota Johnson says we shouldn’t call vibrators sex toys Welp, there goes anyone’s plans to start a chain called ‘Sex Toys R Us.’ Recording reveals Trump called Georgia investigator leading signature match audit It’s like every conversation with Trump begins with “Is this thing on?”

Oklahoma stuck with over a million hydroxychloroquine doses Yeah, but, it’s still a great spelling bee word …

Jennifer Lopez and Alex Rodriguez have officially called it quits They’ve decided to spend more time with the one they love… themselves.

Tiger Woods Update: SUV crash was caused by speed and an inability to negotiate a curve From now on, Tiger’s going to need a caddy for his Caddy.

Read more columns by Paul Lander at humortimes.com.

12

By Evan Helmlinger The Kentucky senator’s blocking of the Senate lunch leads to historic day at the Capitol.

On Monday, Senator Rand Paul of Kentucky filibustered the Senate lunch order after discovering that the vendor would not remove carrots from their pre-packaged buffalo chicken wrap.

The senator explained, “The buffalo chicken wrap is a staple of American lunches.

QuikBite’s refusal to remove carrots from their version is an affront to everything this country eats for.”

Matt Gaetz’s Stunning ‘Big Boy’ Connection

Ripping the Headlines Today The Queen was not pleased, and sent in 007, but her plan was foiled by Oprah, who is a kind of a queen herself, and has her own spy network.

Senator Rand Paul Filibusters Senate Lunch Order Over Carrots in Wrap

HUMOR TIMES

According to Senate rules, a vote by at least sixty senators can end a filibuster; however, a bipartisan group has sided with Senator Paul, blocking any cloture vote. One of the Democrats joining the move is Senator Richard Blumenthal of Connecticut, who echoed Paul’s sentiment: “Carrots on a buffalo chicken wrap is wrong. It’s not illegal, but it’s counter to what the world’s greatest deliberative body represents. We can not set this precedent.” A source close to Senator Blumenthal confirmed he had had a late breakfast.

By 3:00pm that afternoon, the Senate’s blood sugar was at a low, and tensions were at a high. “This is totally ridiculous and completely cruel,” Senator Bernie Sanders, who had ordered tuna on rye, told reporters. “Senator Paul keeps nuts in his desk for crying out loud.

We’re starving here!”

Both allies and adversaries of the United States have watched the proceedings in earnest.

Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau has privately suggested that the U.S. Senate end its unusual tradition of voting on lunch orders, while Russian President Vladimir Putin is said to have enjoyed a pastrami grinder while watching a live feed of C-SPAN. Right before 6:00pm, Senator Paul reversed his position in a surprise move, citing a need to get home for dinner. A source close to the senator, speaking on the condition of anonymity, indicated that a threat from Schumer’s pro-lunch faction to filibuster the dinner order had influenced Senator Paul’s flip-flop. (Humor Times has not yet been able to verify the presence of carrots in the dinner options.)

Tuesday’s breakfast order is expected to be far less contentious. QuikBite Catering offers chocolate chip pancakes on Tuesdays and Fridays, the deliciousness of which mark a rare point of unanimous agreement in the Senate.

Surgeon General’s Warning: ‘Humor Times’ Habit-Forming Biden’s new Surgeon General, Susan Orsega, warned citizens about a national political humor magazine called the Humor Times today, saying it was “habit forming” and could lead to serious bouts of belly-laughter – upsetting the habitually pessimistic and people with weaker stomachs.

If it continues to amuse people so, the publication may have to be quarantined, she warned.

“It wouldn’t be so funny if you had to read it through a hazmat suit, now would it?” she asked.

“Sure, we all like to laugh, but at what price?

Sudden guffaws can spread COVID. Tears of laughter can blur your vision. And smiling can tire your facial muscles,” she added.

“We’ve all heard the line, ‘laughter is the best medicine,’ but is it, really? Perhaps too much of a good thing is just that – too much. Be careful out there, America.”

(Ed. note: A subscription form can be found on page 3 – use at your own risk!)

May, 2021

Well, Regulate?

They talk a compassionate game...

They love to misquote the Second Amendment...

but when the sh*t hits the fan, they’re outa here.

and to protect the rights of those on one end of the gun.

Mass shootings have returned with a vengeance...

and replaced one fear with another...

and one sickness with another.

May, 2021

It’s time to end the cycle.

HUMOR TIMES

13

Dems

Repubs

Dems have always strived to be inclusive...

Repubs are on guard...

and that goes all the way to the top.

against all threats, foreign and domestic...

They say it’s time to expand your mind... especially those to their popularity.

Meanwhile, they still know who’s boss.

in more ways than one.

14

HUMOR TIMES

May, 2021

Not There Yet Anti-vaxxers are all about protecting health...

and so no doubt refuse nearly all medications.

The divide is stark...

May, 2021

and the resistance may be impenetrable.

Meanwhile, school is restarting...

and Dr. Scarf is sorry she didn’t speak up.

It’s a lot to juggle...

but we can reach the end, if we’re smart about it.

HUMOR TIMES

15

The Hightower Lowdown

Infrastructure

Is America Big Enough to Go Big Again?

It’s time to get moving...

and Joe’s got a plan.

He who hesitates is lost...

It’s time for America to go back to the future — a future of true greatness created by a people united to “go big” and build a strong nation for the Common Good.

From the start of our United States, rather than shrinking at the right-wing bugaboo of “Big Government,” Americans have backed leaders who dared to go big with public projects: Abraham Lincoln’s fight for a transcontinental railroad and a land-grant college network to serve small farmers; Teddy Roosevelt’s establishment of our national park system; Franklin D. Roosevelt’s electrification of rural America, creation of social safety nets and conservation initiatives; Dwight Eisenhower’s interstate highway system; Harry Truman’s GI Bill; John F. Kennedy’s moonshot; and Lyndon Johnson’s anti-poverty and civil rights achievements.

It’s only during the last 40 years, since Ronald Reagan‘s “government is evil” demagoguery, that our presidents and lawmakers — Democrats as well as Republicans — shriveled to no-can-do mediocrities, unwilling to even try tackling America’s big needs or invest in our people’s unlimited possibilities. This meek failure of leadership is why our nation’s infrastructure — once world-class — has deteriorated to an embarrassing 16th in the world, as ranked by the Global Competitiveness Report, putting us beneath such smaller and poorer nations as Iceland and Portugal. It’s hard to muster any national pride in chanting, “We’re No. 16!”

But — surprise! — here comes Joe, a lifelong go-slow Democrat, unexpectedly rising to the challenge by proposing a get-serious, roll-up-our-sleeves $2 trillion package of investments to modernize and extend Americas collapsing infrastructure. While President Biden’s plan is not as big as it needs to be, neither is it merely more tinkering around the edges, meekly trying once again to “incentivize” the corporate plutocracy to put another coat of pain on our country’s structural inadequacies.

Biden’s proposal would not only repair roads, bridges and dams but also give a long-overdue boost to such needs as rural high-speed broadband, replacing the country’s deadly networks of lead water pipes, building clean energy systems, constructing affordable housing, upgrading public transit systems, increasing home health care for the elderly and providing affordable child care facilities — all geared toward creating good union jobs and lifting local economies.

Even more transformative than the particular components is Biden’s back-to-the-future method of paying for the Rebuild America agenda: returning to highly progressive taxation. Instead of the same old no-tax, laissez-fairyland extremism that Washington has practiced for 40 years (leading to the deep infrastructure hole we’re now in), Biden will at long last demand that multinational corporate behemoths and their greed-fueled, uberrich chieftains stop dodging their tax obligations to America. It’s the same fair-taxation policy that funded our interstate highway system and the Space Race — a period of unmatched USA pro-

JIM HIGHTOWER ductivity and rising living standards for millions of working families.

An old political truism expresses that often-frustrating challenge of making big change: “Where there’s a will, there are 1,000 won’ts.”

And, oh, what a hurricane of won’ts swirled out of Washington’s power centers in March to pummel Joe Biden! Corporate lobbyists and their congressional hirelings howled and blustered at him for declaring that he would seek a tax increase on corporations to pay for the essential, overdue job of repairing and expanding our nation’s antiquated, dilapidated and wholly inadequate infrastructure. Biden wants to raise the corporate tax rate to 28% from its present 21%. Blowhard Mitch McConnell, the GOP’s Senate leader, practically blew a gasket, wailing that poor corporate America should not be singled out to bear this “burden.”

But wait — didn’t Mitch single out the corporate giants in 2017 to receive a windfall in their tax rate, lowering it from 35%? Yes, and they pocketed hundreds of billions of dollars from that giveaway. So, nudging them up to 28% is hardly punishment, for they still come out way ahead of the rates that regular people pay.

And the corporate tax rate is a sham, for the giants have wormed loopholes in the law to give them exemptions so they can avoid paying what they owe. A new study reports that at least 55 of the biggest corporations paid a goose egg in U.S. income taxes last year — zero, nada — despite hauling in billions in profits. As Sen. Bernie Sanders points out: “If you paid $120 for a pair of Nike Air Force 1 shoes, you paid more to Nike than it paid in federal income taxes over the past 3 years, while it made $4.1 billion in profits.” In those three years, Nike honcho Phil Knight worked the system to increase his personal wealth by $23 billion.

That’s the corrupt wealth system that McConnell, the U.S. Chamber of Commerce and the corporate plutocracy are defending. Oh, they exclaim, we think it’s essential to repair and update America’s crucial public systems — BUT, as McConnell so gingerly put it, “As much as we would like to address infrastructure,” asking our corporate political funders to pay more “is not going to get support from our side.”

So, who do they want to pay for it? You. Working people and the poor. Sen. Roy Blunt, a Missouri Republican and GOP leader, points to putting more user fees on drivers and adding taxes on consumers as the way to go.

To see a list of other major corporate scofflaws who’ve been pocketing billions in profits yet paying zilch to the upkeep of America, visit the Institute on Taxation and Economic Policy website at ITEP.org.

so let’s do this. (continued)

16

HUMOR TIMES

May, 2021

Infrastructure (conclusion) The prez is eager to build on recent successes...

and is open to all new power sources.

he wants everyone to get involved...

but corporations are used to having lots of wiggle room.

Republicans have been claiming to want it for years...

but now that it’s time, they can’t seem to find their footing.

If we could just get started somewhere...

everyone could have something to crow about.

May, 2021

HUMOR TIMES

17

Miscellaneous Mischief

18

HUMOR TIMES

May, 2021

May, 2021

HUMOR TIMES

19

Jeanette Midori Okazaki, DDS, Inc. • (916) 329-3400 2525 K Street, Suite 305, Sacramento • Most insurance plans accepted www.dentalandholistichealth.com

Family Dentistry with Tender Loving Care.

Traditional dentistry with holistic options offered in a warm, caring environment.

Acupuncture • Mercury Free • Cerec Crowns Mercury Separators • GREEN Dentistry • Surgically Clean Air Acupuncture is offered for relaxation, anesthesia, pain control and healing.

Holistic Resource Referral In keeping with holistic philosophy, we begin each day with our Healing Circle. We do conscious breath-work, meditation and affirmations for our patients and ourselves to create healing, transformation and peace on our planet.

California Stage Presents

Summer Events in the Courtyard Presenting a variety of theater, music and art shows this summer!

Reserve your spot now, seating limited. $15 tickets & more info at CalStage.org.

May 9th, 7-10pm: Mother’s Day Show Special: Bring Mom for only $4.99! The Man Who Knew How! A TWO live radio drama. Take a trip back to the day when the best Murder Mysteries took place in your own living room!

You’ll be part of the studio audience as we present a live radio dramas from the 1940’s finds Charmers… Excitement…

Mayhem… Murder… Detectives! Directed by Carol Cullens, starring Alan Pontes.

May 8th, 4-7pm: FREE! Next in our ongoing Second Saturday Art Shows, artist Anna Skacel, watercolors and photography. Live music by You, You, You (Kathleen and Patrick Miner and Eva Nicholson).

Wine tasting.

Advertise in the

Reach an intelligent, good-humored audience with good incomes! And you don’t have to spend a fortune to get your message in front of them!

Also on May 8th, 7:30-9pm: Shakespeare’s A Midsummer Night’s Dream.

A Special reading in the courtyard!

20% OFF when you mention this ad!

May 15th: Henry Robinett with his cool, cool jazz!

Featuring his wonderful group, playing West Coast Jazz.

In the open courtyard of the R25 Arts Complex, home of California Stage.

25th & R St, Midtown • Free parking available • Tickets: CalStage.org • 916-451-5822

Call 916-758-8255 or email info@humortimes.com.

Humor Times, P. O. Box 162429, Sacramento, CA 95816

Is Serious Business!

®

Help Save America’s Soul

by Giving Subscriptions!

Don’t cry about the news, laugh about it, with the Humor Times! And now that you’ve found some comic relief... do the right thing: turn your friends and relatives on to it Give Subscriptions, that all may laugh! Order online for up to $4 off! Or use the handy coupon on page 3 (or write the recipients’ names and addresses clearly on a piece of paper), include a check or money order for $26.95 per subscription (or just $9.95 for the downloadable PDF edition), payable to the Humor Times, and mail to:

Humor Times • P. O. Box 162429 • Sacramento, CA 95816 • HumorTimes.com

News, the fun way!