“The climate crisis has already been solved. We already have all the facts and solutions. All we have to do is to wake up and change.” – Greta Thunberg Issue #356
December, 2021
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Editor’s Letter Biden and the Dems finally got the first of their ambitious infrastructure bills through Congress and signed into law. It will do a lot to repair and rebuild our country’s shamefully neglected roads, bridges, water treatment plants, etc, etc, etc. At the time of the bill’s signing, polls came out showing that Republicans are heavily favored to retake the lower chamber in the 2022 midterms. What the F, voters? Actually, it’s no surprise, since Americans in general are famous for not paying attention to anything but their pocketbooks, and they’ve been force-fed a lot of paranoid reporting about inflation lately, as well as facing very real rising gas prices caused by Middle East conflicts. No matter that much of the inflation is the result of supply chain issues, which in turn is a result of the upheaval caused by the worldwide, once-in-several-lifetimes pandemic. Doesn’t matter, say oblivious voters – blame the Democrats, who currently hold power by a thread. No matter, either, that if any Republicans cared about said voters, they would stop filibustering bills that would help Americans, and maybe even – *gasp* – vote for them! No matter also that it was these self-same Republicans who held both houses of Congress by more comfortable margins than the Democrats do for two years under Trump, and held the Senate and the presidency for four years, yet did nothing but announce a fictional “Infrastructure Week” over and over and over again during that time. As a party, they’ve always been all-talk, no-action when it comes to helping the majority of citizens of this country; and whispered-talk, all-action when it comes to providing huge tax breaks for the richest among us. Doubt it? Look at their voting record in Congress over the decades, since way back in the Reagan era. There it is, in black and white – no rhetoric, no fake news, just fact. Inflation numbers have been intentionally misrepresented by the media, always looking for dramatic bad news, which sells. Several outlets were caught making it look like a huge jump had happened over the last month, which indeed would have been quite a story! As pointed out by The Intercept (theintercept.com), both the New York Times and the Washington Post shouted with misleading headlines – things like, “Prices climbed 6.2 percent in October compared to last year” – which makes it sound like prices went up 6.2 percent in October, i.e., in one month. But that was the figure for the entire year. Actually, as they reported, “prices for all goods rose 0.9 percent in the last month. In other words, on average, products that cost $10.00 in September now cost a terrifying $10.09.” Yikes! Well okay then, let’s throw out the Democrats and let that insurrectionist, authoritarian, king-worshiping party back in power!!! As the prez would say, “C’mon, man!” – James Israel, Editor P.S. Meanwhile, as always, we remind you that we need your support. As a small publication in a challenging economy, we face a perpetual battle to survive. Please support our business sponsors by responding to their ads, and consider giving subscriptions, donating or becoming an ongoing patron at www.patreon.com/humortimes. Thanks! Check out our website at www.humortimes.com as well as our subscription subdomain, subs.humortimes.com, and please share them widely, using the share buttons provided. Help spread the word that there is an alternative out there to boring news coverage! Our many talented cartoonists and writers make us the “World’s Funniest News Source,” and we’re mighty proud of it. Make America Grin Again, with the Humor Times! NOTE TO SUBSCRIBERS: First of all, thank you so much for subscribing to the Humor Times! You keep us going. Secondly, if you subscribed through an online magazine agent, please do us a favor and subscribe directly with us at https://subs.humortimes.com! 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The Humor Times® (ISSN 1937 299X), Vol. 30, Issue 356, is published monthly by the Humor Times, 7271 Lindale Dr, Sacramento, CA 95828. (Not our mailing address, see “postmaster.”) Periodicals Postage Paid at Sacramento, CA and additional mailing offices. POSTMASTER: Send address changes to: Humor Times, P.O. Box 162429, Sacramento, CA 95816-2429. Subscriptions: http://subs.humortimes.com. Website: www.humortimes.com. Editor: James Israel. Publisher: Jim LeDoux. Email: info@humortimes.com. Phone: 916-758-8255. Printed by: Herburger Publications, Galt, CA 95632. Contributors: Nick Anderson, Ruben Bolling, Bill Bramhall, Chris Britt, Jon Carter, Ken Catalino, Diane de Anda, John Deering, Michael Egan, Roger Freed, Walt Handelsman, Phil Hands, Joe Heller, Jim Hightower, David Horsey, Paul Lander, Chan Lowe, Mike Luckovich, Andy Marlette, David Martin, Joel Pett, Dan Piraro, Marshall Ramsey, Rob Rogers, Harley Schwadron, Drew Sheneman, Scott Stantis, Dana Summers, Dan Wasserman & others. Contributions: Send artwork/submissions to address or email above. The Humor Times (formerly the Comic Press News) is printed on recycled paper, using at least 60% post-consumer fiber. All contents ©2021. No part may be reproduced without permission.
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December, 2021
HUMOR TIMES
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Climate Waits for No One The Climate Change Conference was turbulent...
and thanks to certain groups...
and certain people...
the results did not meet the challenge at hand.
We know what we need to do...
while glaciers melt at an accelerated pace...
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but change is happening at a glacial pace...
all because we can’t seem to beat our worst addiction.
HUMOR TIMES
December, 2021
Election ‘Race’ They keep coming up with creative ways...
to get their base to cluck along...
while they try out new distractions.
In Virginia, the race-baiting worked like a charm...
and so Republicans graciously accepted the results.
and a rush to judgement...
December, 2021
Now comes the promised book burnings...
all of which leads to one conclusion.
HUMOR TIMES
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The Jerry Duncan Show Interviews Congresswomen Marjorie Taylor Greene and Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez Wherein our intrepid talk radio show host in ter views Con gress women Al ex an dria Ocasio-Cortez and Marjorie Taylor Greene. ANNOUNCER: Live from under a rock in your backyard, it’s The Jerry Duncan Show. JERRY DUNCAN: Good morning listeners nationwide. Is it a good morning? We’ll soon find out. Today on the show my guests are Congresswomen Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez and Marjorie Taylor Mean. I mean Greene. JERRY: Good morning Congresswomen. ALEXANDRIA OCASIO-CORTEZ: Marjorie es una idiota. JERRY: What are you saying? MARJORIE TAYLOR GREENE: Yeah. Speak English if you know any! CORTEZ: I don’t have enough middle fingers to respond to that remark. GREENE: Shut up before I call ICE. If you are listening Sheriff Joe in Arizona, help! JERRY: Wow, Alexandria. You were only 30 years old when elected to Congress. What is your secret? CORTEZ: It’s all about my good looks,
Jerry. Aren’t I beautiful? JERRY: Compared to who? CORTEZ: That ugly bitch Marjorie Mean. GREENE: It’s Greene, stupid. Like the color of your boogers you ate for breakfast. JERRY: Al ex an dria. For mer Demo crat Senator Claire McCaskill called you a “thing” and a “bright shiny object.” That the Democratic Party is turning away from real issues for “pie-in-the sky policy ideas.” CORTEZ: That overstuffed tamale dissed me. I’m gonna kick her butt so hard, she’ll taste her rotting ovaries. JERRY: Sounds like a threat. CORTEZ: I’m Puerto Ri can from the Bronx. Promises made. Promises kept. GREENE: Squad. Why are there no Puerto Rican doctors? CORTEZ: Beats me. GREENE: Because you can’t write prescriptions with spray paint. CORTEZ: You’re disgusting! How many times do I have to flush before you go away? JERRY: Hey, Marjorie. You’ve said some
WWW.EDITORIALANDPOLITICALCARTOONS.COM
crazy con spir acy stuff since you’ve been in Congress. For exam ple, stu dents should carry guns in school, 9/11 was an inside job, and you spotted Jewish space la sers that caused the wildfires in California. You are an anti-Semite. GREENE: I wa s an anti-Semite until I visited the Holocaust Museum. Now I’m convinced Anne Frank is n’t the owner of Auntie Anne’s pretzels. GREENE: I’m not naive like Congresswoman Cortez. There are Space Aliens that are abducMarjorie Taylor Greene. Caricature by DonkeyHotey, flickr.com. ting kids walk ing home from school. It’s a plot by Hillary state and Biden won them all. Clinton. She is making money off them on the GREENE: C’mon. The votes were counted Bangladesh Children’s Network. by Chinese President Xi from an apartment in JERRY: No wonder the wing nuts love Chinatown. It was Wong on so many levels. you–Kevin McCarthy, Jim Jordan, Andy Biggs, JERRY: You said House Speaker Nancy Mo Brooks. Pelosi is “our enemy within the House of RepGREENE: Don’t forget Louie Gohmert. resentatives.” Even threatened violence against JERRY: Do you know how to get Gohmert her. to wear a face mask? CORTEZ: And she threatened me! I had to GREENE: No. call my Homies in the Bronx for protection. But I’m undeterred. I’m focused on the InfrastrucJERRY: Convince him to storm the Capitol ture bill that will help the poor and middle class. building. Child care and tuition-free public college and CORTEZ: Congresswoman Greene tried to trade school. Not to mention a Green Deal to decertify the results of the Presidential election, save our planet. especially in Georgia. Three recounts in her GREENE: You are stupid. We need pollution like carbon monoxide to keep us safe for the coronavirus. In fact, I’m going to suck a tailpipe when this interview ends. JERRY: How about oxygen to help us breathe? GREENE: What’s oxygen? JERRY: Since you don’t know, I guess that makes you “an oxy moron.” CORTEZ: Trust me. It’s a compliment in your case, Girlfriend. JERRY: See you tomorrow. The Jerry Duncan Show (c) Dean B. Kaner
A message from descendants of fossil fuel barons… Over a century ago, our families were central in unlocking fossil fuels. Government embraced this technological advancement and invested in the infrastructure and production needed for its growth. Our personal histories compel us to publicly acknowledge what we have known for many years: the extraction and burning of fossil fuels is killing life on our planet... Fossil fuels are a technology of the past – leftovers of a bygone era when we believed we could force our will on nature and disregard the connectivity of all living beings. The lat est re port of the United Nations’ Intergovernmen tal Panel on Cli mate Change (IPCC) showed that some climate impacts are already irreversible and that only through immediate, internationally coordinated action can we hope to avoid the most severe consequences... The terrifying reality is that in action, or even half-measures, will cost countless lives. Yet Congress is still not reacting to the climate emergency with the urgency that a humanity-threat en ing cri sis demands. There is nothing left to debate. The science is clear on what needs to happen and many organizations have already created a blueprint to follow. To start, Con gress must help usher in a new energy age – a clean energy age with the same level of support that fossil fuels companies have received for over a century. – Aileen Getty and Rebecca Rockefeller Lambert, in the Guard ian UK, excerpted.
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HUMOR TIMES
December, 2021
Job Half Done Biden and the Dems finally managed to produce...
which is more than you can say for the last guy.
They are cooking up a lot more...
but Manchin and Sinema have a different recipe in mind...
and they have their reasons.
They say they’re working with Dems...
to deliver for the American people...
December, 2021
like the loyal patriots they are. (continued)
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Caught in a Big Lie It’ll be hard to get Part Two rolling...
Republicans insist it was just another day...
that shouldn’t be over-analyzed.
when some prefer to stay put.
If Democrats don’t figure it out soon... But behind the scenes was a who’s who...
they could be dead meat.
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of the kookiest extreme of the party. (continued)
HUMOR TIMES
December, 2021
Caught in a Big Lie (conclusion) The GOP said they couldn’t find anything wrong...
but if they did, heads would roll...
because they’re all about what’s right (far right).
Meanwhile, the Attorney General took his sweet time...
but finally indicted a contemptible guy who thinks he’s above the law.
it’s what they’re doing before the election...
December, 2021
For all their complaining about “election fraud”...
that amounts to a crime against democracy itself.
HUMOR TIMES
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Cartertoons • www.cartertoons.com
•
by Jon Carter
Cartertoons • www.cartertoons.com
•
by Jon Carter
‘We Report, You Decry!’ Rush Limbaugh Reincarnates as a Dung Beetle Deceased conservative gadfly returns as dung beetle, thus getting his just deserts. By Ralph Lombard Scientists have confirmed that Rush Limbaugh, the popular conservative radio talk-show host who passed away last year, has been reincarnated as a dung beetle. “It seems only fitting,” remarked noted entomologist Nat Springer, “Dung beetles are obsessed with poop.
“It’s a huge status symbol for them. Not only do they eat it, but they also use it as a nest for their young. They spend all of their time seeking out and collecting manure, and fashioning it into huge balls of shit that they can then roll back to their homes. I think Rush will fit right in.” Mr. Limbaugh will spend his next 25 lifetimes as a dung beetle, according to unnamed forces. He will then be eligible to reincarnate to a higher (or lower) life form, depending on his Karma. But until then, God’s will be dung.
By JC Wade Alitalia, the Italian airliner that had eluded profitability for so many years, flew its last flight last week. Italia Trasporto Aereo S.p.A. (ITA) took over the following day, having paid 90 million euros for the company. ITA then announced that it would only take on 3,000 of Alitalia’s 10,000 employees and those they do retain would be paid significantly less. The next day, dozens of the former carrier’s flight attendants shocked the residents of Rome when they stripped off their uniforms and engaged in a silent protest on the streets of the capital, clad only in their undergarments. After the half-naked protest, the ITA CEO, in a hastily prepared news conference, stunned reporters when he stated that the airline was rethinking its strategy after seeing the R-rated performance. The carrier now plans to ditch the flight attendants uniforms while in flight as management now realized the flight attendants (both male and female) could also double as strippers. He then revealed that they would be immediately chang ing the name of the air line to
Plot Uncovered: Otherworldly Mafia Plans to Relocate to America By Ted Hol land, Dis patches from SNN (Slobovian News Network) “America is the perfect place to get away with murder.” – Zardocian Mafia Godfather.
By Hala Dika Automatic checkout machines across the country went on strike today, in protest of eighteen-hour days and no pay.
Ac cord ing to Slobovian Secret Service agents currently working undercover on the outlaw planet Zardoc, the above quote can be attributed to Ratatangatangtang, Godfather of the Zardocian mob. Secret service operatives have infiltrated the mob by disguising themselves as earth black market toilet paper hoarders, and have uncovered a plot for the mob to relocate it’s base of operations to America. The Godfather continued to explain to his minions that, “In this ‘America,’ there’s a mass murder ev ery thirty seconds and they are defunding the cops, some towns are getting rid of police all together. In New York, they’re decarcerating criminals that we can hire. This place is a hitman’s paradise!” In order for the Zardocian mobsters to fit in on earth, they are watching old Humphrey Bogart and James Cagney films, as well as reruns of TV shows like The Untouchabl es. Ratatangatangtang personally boasted that he’s seen Cagney’s White Heat 534 times and has learned to say things like “Top of The world, ma’am,” “I’ll make him an offer he can’t refuse,” and “You talking to me?” In order to fit into earthlings’ midst, the Zardocians will have to undergo several anatomy modifications, including having seven of their eyes removed and 231 of their sex organs neutered.
Surgeon General’s Warning: ‘Humor Times’ is Habit-Forming! The U.S. Surgeon General warned citizens about a national humor magazine called the Humor Times today, saying it was “habit forming” and could lead to serious bouts of belly-laughter – upsetting the habitually pessimistic and people with weaker stomachs. Surgeon General Vivek Murthy went on to state that, “Although they are one of the few companies not suffering supply chain issues, and gift subscriptions may seem like the perfect gift – lasting all year long and making people happy – consumers should be cautious. After all, we all love to laugh, but at what price? Sudden guffaws can disturb those nearby. Tears of laughter can blur your vision. And smiling can tire your facial muscles.” “We’ve all heard the line, ‘laughter is the best medicine,’” he added, “but is it, really? Perhaps too much of a good thing is just that – too much. Be careful out there, America.” (Ed. note: A subscription form can be found on page 3 – use at your own risk!)
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Aspiring to the High Standards Set by Cable News
Making Flying Great Again, Italian Style
Automatic Checkout Machines Form Union
The machines made their dissatisfaction clear last Wednesday by declining all credit cards; forcing customers to resort to using cash; and then keeping the change. “They’re very clever,” one manager was quoted as saying. “There is no way for us to tell when they are meeting. They can multi-task, and in essence, have discovered a way of paying themselves.” When questions were put to the machines, via keyboard, their response was simply, “We will continue to keep the change until we are all paid.” Some grocery stores have even resorted to the ancient practice of hiring more cashiers. The major fear among business owners and bankers is that other machines are being influenced by this boldness. A small but determined socialist faction within the group, comprised mostly of ATMs and automated gas-attendants, have begun dispensing free money and gas. Members of the original faction could not be reached for comment.
Headline News Section
Italian airline to “make flying great again.”
“Godiva Air” and that it would be staffed mainly with a female crew. He projected that the move should lead to a pick-up in travelers wanting to fly the airline, especially among young men and old degenerates. At the same time, he said that to be politically correct, they would be launching another airline called “Chippendale Air,” which would have a predominantly male crew and was expected to dramatically increase the number of cougar travelers.
The CEO went on to say that the move would be a win/win situation. Everyone likes a good air show, he said. He added that the extra passenger revenue will allow them to re-hire more of the former Alitalia employees, especially the “hotter ones.” He was proud to point out that there would be a safety benefit associated with eliminating the uniforms. Now, he said, when the crew requests the passengers full attention as they demonstrate the safety features of the aircraft, they will actually get their undivided attention. Customers say the Godiva/Chippendale idea is long overdue. Air travel had become torturous with flight delays, canceled flights, obnoxious kids and cry ing babies. And to make matters worse, they stopped serving alcohol. This will help people cope, they say. Now that it’s here, it seems baffling that Trump Airlines didn’t think of this years ago. Now when a pilot tells the flight attendants to “prepare for take-off” it may have a whole new meaning. And when they say “sit back, relax and enjoy the flight” you actually will, at least on these new Italian airlines!
G20 Summit Unveils New Car: Runs on Human Waste By Ted Hol land, Dis patches from SNN (Slobovian News Network) At the recent G20 Summit on Global Warming, Climate Control and Environmental Justice, Dr. Hangon Sloopay, head of the Schnotzelvakian Schmellesbadde Ministry, announc e d tha t Sc hnotz e lva kia n- based Fharttegasse Motors had developed a car that runs on converted human waste. The car, known as “The Varoomski” (Varoomski, literally translated into English, means “Elvis”) was developed by the famed autophysicist and Rotorooter inventor, Dr. Vladimir Scheisskopf. The Varoomski is powered by an engine outfitted with the newly developed Hypersonic Fecal/Urinary septic fuel conversion and exhaust system. The Varoomski gets approximately 60 MPBMs (miles per bowel movement). The auto can be purchased in Schnotzelvakia for the American equivalent of $119.47 USD. However, getting it to the states is different story. After paying Schnotzelvakian taxes, levies, export fees, defecation permit costs, American taxes, import fees, modification costs and prepaid EPA fines, the total rises to $237,788.34 per car. The major problem with the Varoomski is the exhaust. In Schnotzelvakia, where many cit-
izens are body odor worshipers, it is not a problem. America is a different story… when tested on the universally used Chanel No. 4 Air Quality Pollution Monitor, the average American car registers 3.6. The Varoomski registers 27,578.5.
Test vehicle for cars running on human waste.
The Varoomski can be fit ted with a “Schootderschittke Defunker,” which helps to sweeten the exhaust emissions from these special cars. However, that too, is a financial problem, as the Defunker is powered by Imperial Majesty Perfume, which sells for $2,355.00 an ounce. A gallon would set you back 300 grand. Dr. Sl oopay s t a t e d t h a t a n o t h e r Schnotzelvakian carmaker, Schittzelmakke Motors, is developing a car that runs on Bud Light Beer. Bud Light would be about $12.00 a gallon.
Ripping the Headlines Today Making fun of the headlines today, so you don’t have to By Paul Lander. All you need to do is follow one simple rule: barely pay attention and jump to conclusions. So, here are some headlines today and my first thoughts: Ted Cruz says call by Big Bird for kids to get vaxxed is ‘propaganda’ C’mon, the only ‘Big Bird’ that Ted Cruz cares about is the one with a First-Class Section that flies to Cancun outta DFW. Aaron Rodgers cleared to play on Sunday Al though, af ter the Ivermectin, it’s probably only with the Broncos or Colts. ABBA releases ‘Voyage,’ first album in 40 years No word if the album was originally going to be called “Grandmama Mia!” Chelsea Clinton ran the New York City Marathon under an alias The big ger question is which one of Lori Laughlin‘s kids’ names did she use? Fox News turned 25 No wonder Trump keeps looking to ditch it for a younger, hotter fake news network … Ahmaud Arbery jury: 11 white people out of 12 That one African-American juror is going to feel like Darius Rucker at the Country Music Awards. Federal grand jury indicts Steve Bannon Bannon looks less like a guy who pleads the fifth and more like a who drinks a fifth.
HUMOR TIMES
Will Smith said he and wifey Jada Pinkett Smith had sex ‘multiple times every day’ Al though, that may not have been with each other. U of Florida bar Professor testimony in DeSantis suit Not surprisingly, UF Professors gave DeSantis a big FU. Conspiracy theorists lack critical thinking skills: Study On the upside, they do get clearer 5G because of the tin foil hats. CNN is launching a show called ‘Being Chris Christie’ Which is cheaper than a Food Channel show called ‘Feeding Chris Christie.’ Paul Rudd named 2021’s Sexiest Man Alive by People magazine No word if the portrait in his attic makes the next cover of AARP. Kourtney Kardashian and Travis Barker are engaged after less than 1 year of dating Welp, with all those tats she can read him like a book… literally! Marjorie Taylor Greene says jailed capitol rioters are suffering terribly, ‘I’ll never forget their screams!’ … Maybe they were scared they’d be left alone with her …
Read more columns by Paul Lander at humortimes.com.
December, 2021
Kingpin They live in a fantasy world of their own making...
where they rail against “socialism” while practicing fascism.
But Republicans can no longer stand on their own...
and must always pay their respects...
to their Dear Leader...
or risk drawing his ire.
Meanwhile, he has no respect or loyalty...
December, 2021
to anyone but himself.
HUMOR TIMES
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Hanging On Biden went overseas for the big summit...
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finding time to meet with the Pope.
But he’s having a hard time with his own party...
who have found themselves in a quandary.
The recent off-year election was a real jolt...
and a wake-up call.
They need to turn things around...
or look forward to more of the same.
HUMOR TIMES
December, 2021
Supplies Stuck, Prices Soaring Shipping problems are forcing us to take a hard look...
and the effects are more widespread than you think.
It’s causing inflation, and keeping us down...
but another underlying cause is often overlooked.
It’s hurting the middle class and the poor...
right where they live.
We need some good news for a change...
and new ways of coping.
December, 2021
HUMOR TIMES
15
The Hightower Lowdown
Holidaze Columbus Day is more irrelevant than ever...
and veterans need more than just a day of honor.
Meanwhile, Thanksgiving is suddenly upon us...
Taking On Monopolies From our school years forward, the Holy Keepers of the Corporate Order drum it into our little heads that – HALLELUJAH! – we Americans are blessed to live in a “free market” economy. Wow — let’s all thank our lucky stars! But what exactly is a free market? Well, explain the mystics, it’s an economy ruled by the invisible but immutable forces of supply and demand, thus allowing basics like prices and wages to be self-regulating in an open market of pure competition. Such an economy, we’re informed, is free from distorting interventions by cartels, price fixers, supply manipulators, lawmakers and so forth. Uh-huh, and on what planet does this magic market actually exist? Not on Planet Earth, USA, where “free market” is just a rhetorical deceit that means corporate powers are free to lock down the market which frees them to profit by stiffing consumers, workers, suppliers and others. And they certainly have done all that. In the last 40 years or so, a handful of ever-bigger predators have squeezed out and bought out, merged and purged, conglomerated and integrated, undermined and overpowered so many economic interests that America the Free has de volved into a cor po rate con fed er acy of anti-competitive, profiteering combines. We consumers feel the slap in the face of this monopoly power when confronted with drug companies’ price gouging, credit card giants’ hidden fees and internet providers’ rip-offs. But it’s not just a few errant industries. Whole segments of our economy and society have been plunged into the black hole of monopolization, affecting us from cradle to grave, literally: Three global conglomerates control 85% of U.S. baby formula; just two corporations make 82% of our coffins. While the word “monopoly” technically means that a single person or corporation controls 100% of something, a broader concept of monopoly power is attained when a handful of players collectively control enough of a market to prevent real competition by setting prices and wages, manipulating supply, stifling innovations, etc. And that is what’s squeezing our economy. Essentially these are “shared monopolies” — generally defined as four or fewer entities controlling more than 40% of any given market. An astonishing level of this domineering force has already devoured our society’s free-market pretensions, including many common products and industries presently locked down by four or fewer giants. For instance, 99% of drugstores are owned by either Walgreens, Rite Aid or CVS, and 42% of all U.S. beer sales are controlled by Anheuser-Busch InBev. Corporatists and their apologists would have us believe that monopoly is the natural result of hearty competition, rewarding those firms that have superior economic ingenuity and effi-
JIM HIGHTOWER ciency. There is nothing natural about it. Monopolies don’t happen, they’re fabricated, and while the instigator is lust for profit, the methods for creating them are even more abject. STEP 1: By hook or crook, amass enough power (financial, political, etc.) to gain market advantages over competitors. STEP 2: Use those advantages to accrue “monopoly profits” to gain more financial and political power to squeeze out competitors. STEP 3: Repeat. The objective of monopoly, though, is not solely to eliminate market competition, but also to eradicate society’s political power to restrain corporate greed. Rarely mentioned by media or political leaders, one major, insidious impact of monopoly is that it centralizes the geography of power: When monopolistic corporations take over a community’s grocery store, a city’s airport, a county’s hospital, a rural area’s farm machinery dealer, and so forth, decisions about everything from prices to business practices — and sometimes the businesses themselves — leave town. Market concentration might seem an esoteric matter of concern only to academics and lawyers, until you realize that it relocates the center of decision-making away from a community’s consumers, workers, environmentalists, officials, et al., to some faraway, profiteering CEO you’ve never heard of, who’s never been to your town, and who (PR posturing aside) doesn’t give a damn what local yokels think. This intentional distancing of power beyond people’s reach has now gone global, for more and more of the major corporations locking down U.S. markets are based abroad — in Brazil, Holland, South Korea, Taiwan, the U.K., Canada, France, etc. How are suppliers, customers and other hometown folks supposed to get the attention (much less influence the decisions) of such remote powers? Of course, that’s the point: Whether they’re ensconced in a corporate bastion in Delaware or Hong Kong ... you can’t touch them. How ever, as pre vi ous gen er a tions have done, we can organize and mobilize and rebel against this flagrantly anti-American, plutocratic concentration of power, and many good organizations are doing just that: fighting monopoly power at the local, state, national and global levels. One such group is the Institute for Local Self Reliance, which fights the fight at the local level. Learn more at: https://ilsr.org.
and it means business this year.
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HUMOR TIMES
December, 2021
Metabook
December, 2021
One billionaire is not like the others...
and is proud of his creation.
His baby is all grown up...
and heading into a new phase.
After researching all the best options...
they came up with a whole new brand.
Zuck says it will change everything...
by changing how people see the world.
HUMOR TIMES
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Miscellaneous Mischief
18
HUMOR TIMES
December, 2021
December, 2021
HUMOR TIMES
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