“Putin has done a really great job of outsmarting our country. He was so nice. He said nice things about me.” – Donald Trump Issue #359
March, 2022
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Editor’s Letter
#StartTheSteal2022
Ah, so-called “conservatives” today… what can you say? The formerly anti-dictator, antistate control, pro law-and-order, pro free speech party now loves authoritarians, police beater insurrectionists and dumbing down the population by banning books! Anything to oppose whatever them “damn liberals” are for, I guess. Even if it means abandoning all that your country was founded on, and what you used to say you stood for. Lovers of democracy have justifiably lost all patience with this runaway cult. As their hero used to tweet incessantly, “SAD!!!” It’s enough to make me really want to vent! So here I go... Now Republicans can’t line up fast enough to praise Putin and cheer on his invasion of a sovereign country. All the while damaging the interests of the United States by criticizing their own president in a time of crisis, instead of showing a unified front as both parties have traditionally done when dealing with our adversaries. Speaking of the failed former president and criminal thief of top secret documents, he came out, predictably, fawning over Putin and his “genius” moves in Ukraine, and laughably saying “this never would have happened” had he still occupied the White House. What a joke! Everyone knows that fawning dictator lover would have laid down and allowed Putin to walk all over him, as he always did. Of course, all the GOP (Gangster Obliging Partisans, formerly Grand Old Party) in the House and Senate are lining up to parrot his nonsensical, un-American proclamations. That their words are detrimental to our country’s standing in the world and our ability to respond to international crises is immaterial to them. The only thing the current Republican Party of Trump ever considers anymore is how will something affect their poll numbers among the most rabid of Trump supporters. This is the opposite of leadership, and these people do not deserve to be any where near our Capitol, much less office holders. The sooner “moderate” Republicans, to the extent they still exist, realize this, the better. There’s still time to save our democracy – if not that sick, sad shadow of a party that no longer bothers to even declare a platform, other than the unwritten code of always kissing up to their gangster boss. True patriots will always choose country over party if and when it comes down to it. – James Israel, Editor
Team Trump says it’s just being proactive...
but some caution not to cross the line...
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The Humor Times® (ISSN 1937 299X), Vol. 31, Issue 359, is published monthly by the Humor Times, 7271 Lindale Dr, Sacramento, CA 95828. (Not our mailing address, see “postmaster.”) Periodicals Postage Paid at Sacramento, CA and additional mailing offices. POSTMASTER: Send address changes to: Humor Times, P.O. Box 162429, Sacramento, CA 95816-2429. Subscriptions: http://subs.humortimes.com. Website: http://www.humortimes.com. Editor: James Israel. Publisher: Jim LeDoux. Email: info@humortimes.com. Phone: 916-758-8255. Printed by: Valley Oak Press, Inc., Galt, CA 95632. Contributors: Nick Anderson, Ruben Bolling, Bill Bramhall, Chris Britt, Jon Carter, Ken Catalino, Diane de Anda, John Deering, Michael Egan, Roger Freed, Walt Handelsman, Phil Hands, Joe Heller, Jim Hightower, David Horsey, Paul Lander, Chan Lowe, Mike Luckovich, Andy Marlette, David Martin, Joel Pett, Dan Piraro, Marshall Ramsey, Rob Rogers, Harley Schwadron, Drew Sheneman, Scott Stantis, Dana Summers, Dan Wasserman & others. Contributions: Send artwork/submissions to address or email above. The Humor Times (formerly the Comic Press News) is printed on recycled paper, using at least 60% post-consumer fiber. All contents ©2022. No part may be reproduced without permission.
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March, 2022
HUMOR TIMES
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Putin on the Blitz Vladimir Putin says it’s all in how you look at it...
He picked up some pointers from his old buddy...
and is putting them to good use...
while insisting there’s nothing to worry about.
But Biden is taking it very seriously...
and has threatened to respond in kind.
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and that Americans, of all people, should understand.
In the end, Russia may be biting off more than it can chew.
HUMOR TIMES
March, 2022
Banning Discomfort The radical right seems to be canceling itself out… while trying to “cancel” any history that makes them “uncomfortable.”
They say they’re protecting the children...
but kids are smarter than you think.
Clearly on the wrong side of history...
they’re outsmarting themselves.
Some people seem to love to hate...
March, 2022
but hate just leaves you an empty shell.
HUMOR TIMES
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The Jerry Duncan Show Interviews Presidents Zelensky, Putin and Biden By Dean Kaner Wherein our intrepid talk radio show host in ter views Pres i dents Zelensky, Putin and Biden. ANNOUNCER: Live from under a rock in your backyard, it’s The Jerry Duncan Show. JERRY DUNCAN: Good morning listeners nationwide. Is it a good morning? We’ll soon find out. Today on the show my guests are President of the Ukraine, Volodymr Zelensky; President of Russia, Vladimir Putin; and President of the United States, Joe Biden. Good morning everyone. VOLODYMR ZELENSKY: Da. VLADIMIR PUTIN: Da, da. JOE BIDEN: (sings) Da, da, black sheep. Have you any wool? BIDEN: I’m serious, man. JERRY: President Zelensky. It must be a relief to deal with President Biden, who is rational and not a moron like Donald Trump. ZELENSKY: Donny small hands threaten withhold military aid if I not find dirt on Hunter
Biden. BIDEN: There was no dirt, pal. Hunter had a drug problem. Something Putin can relate to with his Winter Olympics team. PUTIN: You mean 15-year-old skater Kamila Valieva? She ac ci den tally take grandpa’s heart med instead of vitamin. Innocent mistake. Two year ago, I quit using drugs for good. Now I use for evil. Who need drugs for heart? I don’t have heart. JERRY: Zelensky. Your country is surrounded by 170,000 Russian troops ready to invade. What do you tell Ukrainian citizens? ZELENSKY: Every man for himself. I’m bookin, Duncanova. Pretty girl wait for me in French Riviera. BIDEN: Folks. His comic survival instincts kicked in. Here’s the deal. The two leaders have so much in common. Culture, language, religion. Zelensky is a comedian and Putin is a clown. JERRY: Mr. Putin. Why do you want to take over the Ukraine? Can’t you just be a peaceful
WWW.EDITORIALANDPOLITICALCARTOONS.COM
neighbor? PUTIN: Zelensky want to become member of European Union. He will have trade advantage and close political ties to enemy of Russia. JERRY: Every country is an enemy of Russia. PUTIN: No. Rus sia like China. We have lot in common. China have no friend, either. BIDEN: Those Chi nese thugs have their eye on the big prize Taiwan. President Xi is a bully like you, Putin. PUTIN: How can I be bully? I short person. Volodymyr Zelensky. Caricature by DonkeyHotey, flickr.com. ZELENSKY: I short, too. I PUTIN: Who care? I get Donald Trump constantly thirsty, because can’t reach drinking elected again and you be in Siberia. fountain. BIDEN: If that ever happens, I will take the PUTIN: No worry. I do cyber attack and matter up with the Geneva Convention. You’d Ukraine won’t have water. We screw up elecbe considered a war criminal. tricity, computer, everything in country. ZELENSKY: He already war criminal. ZELENSKY: No Chicken Kiev for Russia! Russia annex Crimean Peninsula in 2014. That JERRY: How do you feel about the situation my turf. President Biden? PUTIN: I decide what your turf. BIDEN: If Puty invades the Ukraine, he will JERRY: Okay. Okay. I’ll be the peacepay a heavy price. The United States and our maker. European allies will cut off trade with Russia, BIDEN: Don’t forget to tell Puty that he go after their banking and financial institutions, needs to withdraw those 17 troops from the stop mail order brides. The list is endless. Ukrainian border. I mean 170 troops. Shucks, 170,000. JERRY: This is it, dweebs. Putin calls off the invasion and his troops withdraw. Zelensky teams up with Putin for a comedy tour called Short and Shorter. PUTIN: I straight man. Feed funny man lines. ZELENSKY: That work. I funny man. JERRY: Deal? PUTIN & ZELENSKY: Da! Yes! BIDEN: That’s a big f*cking deal. JERRY: See you tomorrow. The Jerry Duncan Show (c) Dean B. Kaner
Book Banning Hypocrisy The rise of book bans, [free speech advocates say], is the tip of a deeper iceberg: a growing movement on the right to use the levers of local and state governance to control teachers and push an ideologically slanted vision of what children should learn about American culture, society, and history. “You’re seeing really powerful movements under way to constrain expression. It’s not about discussing ideas objectively. It’s about not discussing them at all,” says Jeffrey Sachs, a professor at Acadia University who tracks free speech in education. On the local level, the effort manifests in parent- and activist-led drives to remove books from shelves and curriculums. On the state level, there’s been a push to pass “critical race theory” bans that constrain teachers’ speech and “educational transparency” rules that sometimes go as far as putting teachers on publicly accessible webcams and forcing them to seek parental permission if students try to join LGBTQ clubs. This movement is picking up steam. According to Sachs, every single Republican-controlled state where the legislature is currently in session is considering a new “educational gag order” bill. Many even target university education, which traditionally enjoys much wider latitude to discuss politically controversial ideas... A conservative movement that once claimed to stand for limited government is increasingly embracing the coercive use of law to commandeer a culture it fears it has lost. — Zack Beauchamp, Vox.com, Feb 10, 2022
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HUMOR TIMES
March, 2022
Supreme Makeover Needed A lot of concern is suddenly being raised...
about maintaining a “balance” on the Supreme Court.
They point with pride to their recent appointees...
who continue a tradition of judicial purity.
But Biden has other ideas...
while vowing to remain open-minded.
The Supreme Court historically has been unrepresentative...
March, 2022
HUMOR TIMES
and would otherwise look quite different.
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To Democracy or Autocracy, That is the Question The obvious has only become more so...
except to some.
They say all is fair in love and war...
but it just ain’t right.
There is no debate about it...
the Big Lie cannot stand...
because the right is so wrong on this.
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Which is why they want to deny it.
HUMOR TIMES
March, 2022
Down the Toilet Trump is still promising pardons at rallies...
but we can’t pardon the destruction of official property...
because it tends to clog up democracy.
His misdeeds are following him wherever he goes...
and you’d think there would be consequences...
yet he’s just deejaying and partying down at Mar-a-Lago.
But things are no longer adding up for the old Don...
March, 2022
who may soon need a new plan.
HUMOR TIMES
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Cartertoons • www.cartertoons.com
•
by Jon Carter
Cartertoons • www.cartertoons.com
•
by Jon Carter
‘We Report, You Decry!’
Millennial Shocked to Learn that Podcasting Is Not a New Concept By Dave Richards HARTFORD — The podcast industry has grown by leaps and bounds since its humble beginnings, dating to around 2004. Although anyone born around this time doesn’t know a world without podcasting, the concept isn’t really a new one. This came as a big surprise to Ashley Smith, CEO and founder of Ashely Smith Artisan Media. “Like, I was shocked to learn that pretty much the same concept of the podcast has been like, around for a long time,” Smith said on Tuesday. “I didn’t have a clue until we got an almost perfect resume from someone the other day. He had like 30 years of experience booking and interviewing guests, editing audio, and posting shows. Gary “The Red Hot” Scott interviewed for the job. “Yeah, Ashley hadn’t really heard of terrestrial radio. The concept is simple, come up with your show concept, research the topic, book guests, produce the show, edit the audio, post online, don’t go over budget. Boom, done, onto the next show! I could do this in my sleep,” Scott said. Ultimately, Mr. Scott didn’t get asked in for a second interview. “Great resume! Had all the right skills and experience. He had even helped to develop some of the digital audio programs we use every day in this industry. But he has zero experience on podcasts. “I was definitely bummed,” said Scott. “This podcasting stuff is a bigger racket than public radio. Instead of five people to do the work of one person, they use ten. Man, what a gravy train! $80 per hour to run a control board and edit some audio, wow!” So, the search continues for Ashley Smith to find the perfect candidate. “That mean man had the gall to say that we are perpetrating economic discrimination. Well, like, its not my fault I grew up in a wealthy family! College is hard work! It’s not easy partying all night and showing to class at 10AM. I really need talk to our HR department about weeding out these uneducated share-cropping peasant losers! There must be a bot for that,” Smith added.
Statue of Liberty: ‘Goodbye, Cruel World!’ By Hala Dika In an apparent botched suicide attempt, the Statue of Liberty tried to drown herself, mourning the “end of all I stood for.” In a most disturbing development, the Statue of Lib erty has at tempted suicide by walking into the Hudson River. According to her psychoanalyst, she had been depressed for quite some Statue of Liberty “in rehab.” time, self-medicating with alcohol and giant blunts, which she periodically ashed on tourist’s heads. Putting down her torch to give the finger, she swayed drunkenly, saying things like; “What are you idiots gawking at! It’s over! It’s all over! Liberty! Freedom! What a crock of shit!” At which point she took another sip of wine from a paper bag and puked all over her sandals, breaking into sobs of “Oh God! I’m such a piece of shit!” Too tall to properly drown herself in the Hudson, she had little choice but to remount her platform. Now donning a leather jacket, dying her hair green, and declaring herself a punk, she crossed out her inscription with spray paint and r e p l a c e d i t w i t h t h e wo r d s , “N O T WELCOME!” Laughing hysterically. Things got even more heated when she decided to bend down, lift her gown, and pee on a group of Trump-supporters who tried to put a giant MAGA hat on her head. Screaming, “What the hell are you doing!” She replied, “Making America Great Again!” As they ran away screaming, “Ow! My eyes! My eyes!” Further tourism has been shut down while the Statue con va lesces at a nearby psyche-ward.
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Headline News Section Aspiring to the High Standards Set by Cable News
Real ‘Gazpacho Gate’ is About Pelosi Ruining the Cafeteria Menu, Says MTG By JC Wade Congresswoman Marjorie Taylor Greene recently ranted that Nancy Pelosi’s “gazpacho” police were patrolling the Capitol building spying on members of Congress and their staff. Later, in a hastily prepared press conference, Greene said that the gazpacho remark was taken out of context. What she was really stewing over was her belief that Nancy Pelosi was making unauthorized changes to the Capitol Cafeteria menu. She said the cafeteria workers, were, at Pelosi’s direction, replacing the delicious American soups with foreign ones. Here is a condensed version of her statement: I’m just trying to defend our hearty American soups from an invasion of foreign stews. Our soups will not be re placed! The first amendment clearly upholds the right of the people to peacefully assemble and consommé hot U.S. soups. Throughout our history, brave Americans have defended our soups and stews such as in Boston when the patriots tossed the British broth into the harbor and again when we stood up to the Soup Nazis in World War II.
Image: DonkeyHotey, flickr.com.
Now we have “SoupGate.” The Cafeteria Brown Shirts are replacing our home-grown delicacies like minestrone, wonton, and my favor ite, al pha bet soup, with items such as gazpacho and vichyssoise which are foreign socialist sounding soups that are not even served hot. Of course, hardworking Americans know soup is not a dish that is best served cold. At Nancy Pelosi’s insistence, they have also added tortilla soup which I believe is in this country illegally. Pardon my French but this is Bouillon S**t.
Therefore, I am proposing legislation to remove these foreign dishes from the Capitol Cafeteria menu. I am also proposing that the soup de jour be eliminated, not for political reasons, but for quality reasons. It looks and tastes different every time I order it. How ever, my bill would not elim i nate French onion soup because it is so delicious, and I believe we can claim it as an American dish now as we won it fair and square when we defeated Napoleon in the French & Indian War. But its name should be changed to freedom soup. My legislation is long overdue. It should have been passed as part of the bill that added pizza back to the menu after it had been done away with by the Progressives as part of the massive PizzaGate conspiracy. Ms. Greene con cluded by say ing “This should clear up my earlier statement. And I hope that with a little help from the Chowder heads on the other side of the aisle, we can get my bill passed to save our American soups which are M’M! M’M! Good!
White House Toilet Deposed by January 6 Committee By Ted Hol land, Dis patches from SNN (Slobovian News Network) In its never-ending investigation of the Donald Trump presidency, The January 6 Committee has con tacted SNN re porter, Witch doc tor ess and Goozokooologist Dr. Sweet Doorite for her her help in deposing the former President’s former personal toilet, which has been in the news lately. They discovered that Dr. Doorite holds a degree in Outhouseology and is the only licensed Toilet Whisperer in the western hemisphere. The golden commode was removed from the White House when the Bidens moved in, and currently sits in The Presidential Toilets section of The National Archives. The committee specifically wanted Dr. Doorite to ask the toilet exactly what Mr. Trump flushed.
Neanderthals Protest Comparisons to MAGAites By Ralph Lombard Activists representing neanderthals gathered today at the nation’s capital to protest “unfair and untrue” negative stereotyping of themselves by the press and the general public. Gronk Gronkson, chief spokesman for the group, explained: “For years we’ve had to endure all kinds of insulting and offensive propaganda, and we’re sick and tired of all the lies. Neanderthals made tools, used fire and lived in shelters. We were the first of the early humans to make clothing and ornamental jewelry, and the first to bury our dead. We even marked our graves with flowers and other offerings. So to suggest that we’re nothing more than a bunch of dim-witted brutes is not only inflammatory and insulting, it’s also completely wrong.
Dr. Doorite stated that in her first interview with the toilet, it at first asserted Fifth Amendment rights. When she told it that that would not apply in this situation, the toilet stated a fundamental right that asserts that the same privilege that exists between a man and his lawyer also exists between a man and his toilet, and then cut off the interview. The committee used Dr. Doorite’s expertise as a Rat Whisperer to depose a White House rat known as Larry. According to Mr. Trump’s former assistants, during the period of the January 6 riot Mr. Trump was in his office eating a bucket of KFC and tossing scraps to Larry. Through Dr. Doorite Larry stated, “Me and Brother Trump munched back often. I ’bout starved to death when them Obamas were here… they ate healthy.”
Ripping the Headlines Today Making fun of the headlines today, so you don’t have to By Paul Lander. All you need to do is follow one simple rule: barely pay attention and jump to conclusions. So, here are some headlines today and my first thoughts: Snoop Dogg smokes weed right before star-studded Super Bowl 2022 halftime show So, he had a super bowl at Super Bowl 2022! Ricky Schroder calls on American truckers to ‘shut down’ Washington amid Canadian ‘Freedom Convoy’ protests Can someone tell me what Erkel thinks, so I don’t have to give a rat’s ass about that, either. Feds investigate Beverly Hills mogul, CEO of Fatburger & Johnny Rockets chains Now we’re talking a real life Hamburgler. Biden ‘convinced’ Putin will invade as peace movement ‘opposes any war over Ukraine’ Looks like Putin wants ‘peace. “A piece of the Ukraine, a piece of Poland, a piece Finland …” Tom Selleck finally addresses one of ‘Blue Bloods’ fans’ biggest questions So, did his character take a reverse mortgage or not?
“Recent comparisons between us and Donald Trump supporters are absolutely the last straw! We’re noth ing at all like those Promagamorons. After all, if ensuring our survival had been a simple matter of mask-wearing, social distancing and getting vaccinated we never would have gone extinct. I mean, we’re Neanderthals, not idiots!” Meanwhile, several dozen anti-mask demon stra tors were in jured with sec ond and third-degree burns at a nearby mask-burning rally. “It just goes to show how dangerous these masks really are,” observed event organizer Stu Pittman, “Of course next time we’ll make sure everybody removes their mask before setting it on fire.”
He also said that he made himself scarce when Mrs. Trump and Ivanka were around because they caused him to get a large and highly visible rathead. Larry stated that he would co operate with the committee because he has a thing for Liz Cheney.
Judge orders Donald Trump, Ivanka, Trump Jr. to sit for deposition in New York lawsuit Afterwards, the only place with more fifths will be a Jack Daniels distillery.
NBA 2022 All Star weekend kicks off in Cleveland Or, as the Kardashians call it ‘Tinder.’ Netflix announces 4 new Dave Chappelle comedy specials Clearly, they’re trying t o c a n c e l h i s a ss through exhaustion. Woman allegedly used PPP loan to hire hitman …Probably would’ve gotten away with it if she had spent some of that money on a mask. Russian figure skater Kamila Valieva says she inadvertently took grandpa’s heart medication Makes sense that her long program was mostly ‘I’ve fallen, and I can’t get up.’ Passenger jet forced to divert after snake spotted slithering through overhead lights No word if the plane was met on the ground by Samuel L Jackson. Right winger Charlie Kirk decries Super Bowl half time show’s ‘Sexual Anarchy’ Hmm, ‘Sexual Anarchy’ sounds like the opening act for ‘Jewish Space Lasers.’ Michael Jordan turns 59 years old today Which is also the number he probably could still drop on the Magic.
Read more columns by Paul Lander at humortimes.com.
Surgeon General’s Warning: ‘Humor Times’ is Habit-Forming! The U.S. Surgeon General gave a stern warning to citizens about a national humor magazine called the Humor Times today, saying it was “habit forming” and could lead to serious bouts of belly-laughter – upsetting the habitually pessimistic and people with weaker stomachs. Surgeon General Vivek Murthy said he was only trying to protect Americans during a time when lung capacity must be safeguarded, noting that sudden laughter can temporarily empty the lungs. “We’ve all heard the line, ‘laughter is the best medicine,’” he added, “but is it, really? Perhaps too much of a good thing is just that – too much. Be careful out there, America.” (Ed. note: A subscription form can be found on page 3 – use at your own risk!)
HUMOR TIMES
March, 2022
Asleep at the Wheel It’s what they do best, they’d like to think...
especially when it comes to truly outrageous behavior.
Whatever works...
to make sense of it all.
It’s all about impressing the judges...
Sadly, it’s become a party of sycophants...
March, 2022
and maintaining close ties with the Loser-in-Chief.
and that actually makes us miss Republicans of yesteryear!
HUMOR TIMES
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Wake Up Time A school board recall in S.F. could serve as a wake up call...
about getting over bad relationships.
They’re picking up where they left off...
and looking to rehabilitate Biden’s image...
because reinforcements are thin.
They’ll fight fire with fire, if need be...
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as Democrats try not to seem too anxious...
but need a good plan.
HUMOR TIMES
March, 2022
Economic Indicators Small businesses are struggling to make a comeback...
but optimism is contagious.
Reality has been a slap in the face, though...
forcing businesses like airlines to cut back.
The problem is cyclical...
as economists explain.
Biden is getting most of the blame...
March, 2022
although indicators are flying high.
HUMOR TIMES
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The Hightower Lowdown
Border Crossing
Corporations Win Olympic Gold in ‘Downhill Ethical Backflip’ American truckers are demanding to be heard… in Canada.
They’ve brought a quite a load with them...
and are spreading freedom everywhere...
By far the top team performance in this year’s Winter Olympics in Beijing has been corporate America’s breathtaking double-twist ethical backflips. This is a group of leading brand names that have so loudly been touting their code of ethics, pledging to stand against repressive regimes that abuse human rights. But here came the Olympic games in China, posing their first test, and it was not really a tough one. They were not asked to do anything, but merely to NOT do something — specifically, don’t provide ethical legitimacy to the brutally repressive Chinese regime by sponsoring their propagandistic use of the Olympics. Human rights advocates worldwide had called on global corporate giants to use their economic leverage to send a powerful message of disapproval to the Chinese dictatorship that is routinely committing acts of genocide and political suppression against Uyghurs, Tibetans, Hong Kong citizens and any other dissidents under their rule. Corporate leaders would not have to march, picket or otherwise muss up their high-dollar suits — just don’t pay millions of share hold ers’ dol lars to link arms and reputations with rank repression. Well, if you’ve watched any of the Olympic broadcasts, you’ve witnessed the corporate choice: a collective ethical backflip from the high ethical bar of human rights into the pits of crass, un prin ci pled com mer cial ism. Look, there’s the flag of Coca-Cola, and Visa, and Pizza Hut, AirBnb, Intel, Procter & Gamble… and a who’s who of America’s cor po rate all-stars. They’ve paid more than a billion dollars to be proud sponsors of the regime’s Olympic show, choosing access to China’s leaders and markets over soft goals like ethics. Well, sniffed one sponsor, raising testy political issues “would not advance the cause of sport in which our commitment lies.” Really, how sporting is genocide? Another barked that “no body, no body cares what hap pens to Uyghurs, OK?” No, it’s not OK, and also not true. And yet another clueless corporate boss cavalierly dismissed ethics by declaring, “Ski and sport have no business in politics… It’s common sense.” N o , i t ’s c o w a r d i c e , s t u p i d i t y a n d un-Olympian. Corporate America’s CEOs are mostly well-heeled money people who would hardly be considered athletic. Yet, every now
JIM HIGHTOWER and then a few of these soft elites bust out as championship players of an old game called Duck & Dodge. It’s a sport of political finesse played when social conditions reach a boiling point, threatening problems for the corporate order. In those moments, a few leading executives suddenly come out as social activists to side with the aggrieved. Ducking and dodging their own responsibility for grievances, these players claim that they will fix the system. When public attention drifts, however, so do the fixers, returning to business as usual. You might recall, for example, the huffing and puffing leaders a year ago when our very democracy was under siege, not only by seditious right-wing extremist groups that stormed the U.S. Capitol, but also by a clique of pusillanimous, right-wing Congress critters who joined the coup attempt to overthrow the democratic vote. “Outrageous!” shouted some 700 corporate powerhouses in unison, pledging that they would save our democracy. How? By cutting off the huge campaign donations they’d been giving to those 147 Republican lawmakers who voted to overturn the election. Let’s pause here for a hypocrisy check: Aren’t these born-again democracy champions the very same corporations that’ve been using their unlimited special-interest cash to purchase lawmakers wholesale and steal the people’s political power? Yes… yet they now want us to believe they’re our saviors. But they’ve quickly reverted to their true selves. Within weeks of so sternly chastising members of Congress’ “sedition caucus,” the corporate donor class — shhhhh — quietly returned to lavishing bribery bucks on them. AT&T, Boeing, Citigroup, GM, Pfizer and the U.S. Chamber of Commerce are among the corporate phonies that slipped $2.4 million in donations last year to members of Congress they had publicly condemned as un-American. It’d make more sense to trust a coyote to guard your last lamb chop than to think that corporations value anything but their own profit.
while keeping out the riff-raff.
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March, 2022
Miscellaneous Mischief
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