“There was never an indication of interest [by Trump] in what the actual facts were.” – Bill Barr in Jan. 6th Committee testimony Issue #363
July, 2022
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Editor’s Letter
Forecast Hazy (w/Smoke)
The Select Committee to Investigate the January 6th Attack on the United States Capitol, as it’s officially known, held a series of public hearings that were watched by millions of Americans. Not as many as should have watched, however. I dare say, when it comes to preserving our democracy, every single adult of voting age – even those nearing voting age – should be very interested. And if you didn’t watch because you’re okay with attempts to subvert the vote and thus our democracy whenever your snowflake candidate can’t handle losing, you are by definition anti-American. After all, democracy is the overriding reason this country was ever founded in the first place. If the settlers had been content to be ruled by single authoritarian leader, rather than by the will of the people, they would have never taken up arms and fought for independence. We would do well to remember this on Independence Day, 2022. (If you do actually prefer autocracy, there are many other places you could go to live, like Russia! Go fight for Vlad if you can’t stand our admittedly messy democratic republic.) Preserving our democracy, however, doesn’t end with accountability for those who fomented the attempted insurrection of January 6, 2021 – although that would be an excellent start. It involves preserving and fortifying the right to vote in every district in the country, for every person of voting age, no matter their color, religion or sexual orientation. We should be picking our representatives, not the other way around – gerrymandering must be outlawed, and a fair, impartial way of drawing up district boundaries must be the law of the land. Polling stations where we vote must be fairly distributed – rich white folk should not get to stand in short lines while people of color must wait for hours. Voting by mail should be a national right, not just where state lawmakers decide it’s not a threat to their hold on power. Ballots and their tabulation must be above reproach, so that fairness may be assured. That means always using paper ballots first, and verifiably accurate and secure machines to count them. We must convert all voting machines to use open source, secure coding – no more “proprietary” or closed voting systems. Other countries have successfully implemented this, so can we. (networkworld.com/article/2241067/open-source—how-e-voting-should-be-done.html.) And there needs to be national standards on automatic recounts. Republicans, who are endlessly ranting about a phantom “stolen election” – while offering not a whiff of evidence – should favor this. It would give them all the proof they need, should vote-rigging or election theft actually be attempted. All of the above is already in a bill, passed by the House and languishing in the Senate, thanks to 50 apparently anti-democracy Republicans and two spineless Democrats who refuse to bypass the imbecilic filibuster rule. Yes, that same 60-vote threshold filibuster rule that the Senate made up for itself decades ago, which is not mentioned any where in the Constitution, and which the founders would be appalled by – the same one the Senate regularly bypasses when it is convenient for them. Time to bypass it for the “convenience” of saving the republic. Yes, democracy itself was threatened by a psychopathic former president and his obedient minions, who must pay for their crime. But democracy is under constant threat, all over the world. To preserve ours, lets reform our arcane voting laws. The only group that will do that is the Democratic Party, so we should hep them – by giving them more Senators and Representatives, not less. And to those who vote only their pocketbook or on the price of gas, be advised: if you think the economy will be better under authoritarianism, you are sadly mistaken.
Summer forecasts don’t look so good...
for either coast...
– James Israel, Editor And now for my continuing plea for your support of the Humor Times: As a small publication in a challenging economy, we face a perpetual battle to survive. Please consider giving subscriptions, donating or becoming an ongoing patron at www.patreon .com/humortimes (or by using recurring donations on our website). Check out our website at www .humortimes.com, as well as our subscription subdomain at subs.humortimes.com, and please share them widely, using the share buttons provided. Help spread the word that we provide an alternative to boring news coverage! Thank you!
or the planet, for that matter.
The Humor Times® (ISSN 1937 299X), Vol. 31, Issue 363, is published monthly by the Humor Times, 7271 Lindale Dr, Sacramento, CA 95828. (Not our mailing address, see “postmaster.”) Periodicals Postage Paid at Sacramento, CA and additional mailing offices. POSTMASTER: Send address changes to: Humor Times, P.O. Box 162429, Sacramento, CA 95816-2429. Subscriptions: subs.humortimes.com. Website: www. humortimes.com. Editor: James Israel. Publisher: Jim LeDoux. Email: info@humortimes.com. Phone: 916-758-8255. Printed by: Valley Oak Press, Inc., Galt, CA 95632. Contributors: Nick Anderson, Ruben Bolling, Bill Bramhall, Chris Britt, Jon Carter, John Deering, Hala Dika, Michael Egan, Walt Handelsman, Phil Hands, Joe Heller, Jim Hightower, Ted Holland, David Horsey, Dean Kaner, Paul Lander, Ralph Lombard, Mike Luckovich, Andy Marlette, Joel Pett, Dan Piraro, Marshall Ramsey, Rob Rogers, Steve Schneider, Harley Schwadron, Drew Sheneman, Scott Stantis, Dana Summers, JC Wade, Dan Wasserman & others. Contributions: Send artwork/submissions to address or email above. The Humor Times (formerly the Comic Press News) is printed on recycled paper, using at least 60% post-consumer fiber. All contents ©2022. No part may be reproduced without permission.
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July, 2022
HUMOR TIMES
3
Economic Indicators The administration says they are handling it...
but truth be told, it’s mostly out of their control.
Students are looking forward to making a splash...
while the stock market is getting chomped.
It’s important to have a solid portfolio...
Some are doing just fine, though...
4
and when it comes to the price of gas, it’s all relative.
knowing they can do anything and not lose their base.
HUMOR TIMES
July, 2022
The Hightower Lowdown
Putin On a Front
How Can Democrats Save the Party… from their Leaders? Putin is desperate to replenish his army…
President Joe Biden recently flew off to Taiwan to assure our allies there that he will fight for them. And a couple of weeks later he was winging off to Saudi Arabia, intending to “repair ties” with that repressive monarchy. In terms of international realpolitik, this flurry of foreign travel might be strategically important, but there’s a strategic political reality right here at home that calls for a different presidential itinerary: Our country’s midterm congressional elections are less than five months away! Taiwan and Saudi Arabia don’t get to vote, but Texas and South Carolina do. So, how about spending a bit more time flying, driving or even whistle-stopping to such places, where many hard-hit working-class families are feeling ignored by the national Democratic Party? They’d like to see President Joe fight for and repair ties with them, and in the process, save the party. In fairness, Biden came through for such families early in his tenure, and his proposals to do more have been deliberately gummed up by such congressional blobs of do-nothingism as Sens. Mitch McConnell and Joe Manchin. But blaming them isn’t winning any points for him — or helping the families now struggling with baby formula shortages, $5 gasoline, continuing farm and fac tory de pres sion, housing evictions, etc. Instead of blame or surrender, more of former President Harry Truman’s feisty, can-do spirit is called for, going straight to the people with an urgent program of Big Actions that people need and want. To hell with pla cating McConnell and Manchin — come on, Joe; you’re president, not them. And you’re not powerless to help people! Want to DO something about corporate price spikes on food and fuel? Rep. Ro Khanna points out that you can and should use the government’s emergency authority to do “preemptive buying” on the open market. This would quickly and dramatically cut what consumers now pay, plus the authority is already on the books, so no need to kiss McConnell’s butt — just take direct presidential action for ordinary Americans. This is the dif fer ence be tween giv ing speeches telling voters you’re on their side… and actually being there, so they can see it for themselves. It’s honest politics. And it would do a lot to mitigate the cries of “It’s over” and “Biden numbers are in the ditch” and “Democrats are doomed.” And these are (em) Democrats (/em) talking!
and doesn’t care if he’s made mistakes...
because he knows he’s a winner.
JIM HIGHTOWER
Even before November’s congressional elections are run, too many conventional-thinking Democratic operatives are surrendering to a presumed Republican sweep. You don’t need a political science degree to know that if you start out announcing that you’ll lose, chances are you will. After all, who wants to vote for a party that shows no fighting spirit, no confidence in the appeal of its own ideas? A major reason for pessimism about the party’s November chances is that its top leaders have decided their candidates can’t win in rural areas and smaller factory cities — so they’ve quit try ing. Worse, they blame the vot ers, claiming that Trumpism, Fox News BS and culture war conspiracy nonsense have poisoned the minds of people “out there.” Thus, they’ve abandoned the countryside to go all out in big urban areas. Democratic congressional leaders even killed their rural outreach programs, and the former Party chairman officially abandoned the turf in 2018, meekly declaring: “You can’t door-knock in rural America.” Actually, sir, you can. And if you choose to abandon this whole working-class constituency — surprise! — it will abandon you. And the cold fact is that national Democrats didn’t just quit going down the dirt roads and factory streets, they’ve actively been working for several years against families living there — the trade scams that sucked out union jobs; the shameful bailout of Wall Street bankers who crashed our real economy, while ignoring millions of devastated workaday people; protecting drug profiteers who caused the brutal opioid epi demic; do ing noth ing about the cor porate-caused farm depression still ripping across our land; and so many other vivid examples of top Democrats not hearing, seeing or responding to this vi tal, FDR-ish con stit uency of millions that they now blithely dismiss as irredeemable. Did party poobahs think voters wouldn’t notice or care how they’re being treated? If we want to get them back on our side to help save the party — then go to them… and get back on their side!
Meanwhile, 99-year-old Kissinger still thinks he knows best.
July, 2022
HUMOR TIMES
5
The Jerry Duncan Show Interviews Dr. Mehmet Oz By Dean Kaner Wherein our intrepid talk radio show host interviews Dr. Mehmet Oz, the Republican running for U.S. Senate in Pennsylvania. ANNOUNCER: Live from under a rock in your backyard, it’s The Jerry Duncan Show. JERRY DUNCAN: Good morning listeners nationwide. Is it a good morning? Definitely not. Today on the show my guest is Dr. Nitwit Schnoz, the Republican running for U.S. Senate in Pennsylvania. DR. OZ: It’s Mehmet Oz. People know me as Dr. Oz. JERRY: Not this people. OZ: I admit that though I’m a cardiologist, I dine on McDonald’s triple cheeseburgers with my friend Don ald Trump. We call him Noo-Noo the Teletubby, because he’s orange. We Trumpsters are going to overturn the constitution one law at a time. (shouts) U-S-A, U-S-A. JERRY: What’s your game plan? OZ: Right now, I’m focused on getting elected to the Senate in 2022. Republicans like myself want to halt mail in ballots, so less people can vote. Could use help again from Russia. Little things that make the big things happen.
JERRY: You’re running in Pennsylvania, but you’re from New Jersey. OZ: Wrong. I eat Phil a del phia Cream Cheese on my bagel. No Jersey subs. I’m a Pennsylvanian. JERRY: You’re a bona fide idiot. A former heart surgeon who pushes medicine that is dangerous to humans. OZ: Who said so? JERRY: The FDA. OZ: After extensive studies, the only thing the FDA concluded correctly was that smoking cures ham. JERRY: C’mon. More of your quackery. You claim hydroxychloroquine can be used to cure COVID. The FDA proved there are potential risks to the body. And you also claim there are alternative medicines like faith healing. OZ: Hydroxychloroquine cured Mr. Ed and he had a hit TV series. Faith healing works, too. JERRY: Hey, Ozzy. I went to a faith healing session at the local community center last month. It was a bunch of rubbish. Even the fella in the wheelchair got up and walked out. JERRY: Tell us about your ties to Turkey. You’re a dual citizen. Kind of weird. OZ: Yes. I love Turkey.
JERRY: Me, too. With a serving of mash potatoes and gravy. OZ: We’re talking me, Duncan. Served 2 years in the Turkish military. That’s where my peeps are from. JERRY: You’re a Turkish military guy. OZ: I am. JERRY: Okay. How do you stop a Turkish army on horseback? OZ: Not sure. I’m going to pull the answer out of ass. Ah, forget it. I don’t Dr. Oz, caricature by DonkeyHotey, flickr.com. know. JERRY: Turn off the carousel. JERRY: Yeah. She was charged with battery JERRY: As a physician, you have been enfor assaulting the energizer bunny. dorsing unproven products and giving non-sciOZ: Gotta run. Trump is calling. We’re touren tific ad vice. Even com mit ted con sumer ing together on his Conspiracy Tour. My Demfraud. ocratic opponent John Fetterman will have OZ: Don’t forget climate change denier. another heart attack after we’re through with When you’re a Trumpster, you’re a Trumpster him. all the way. JERRY: Congratulations. You’re the only JERRY: Are you still friends with Oprah heart specialist that doesn’t have a heart. Dr. Winfrey? Nitwit Schnoz everyone. OZ: I am. JERRY: News flash. Oprah got arrested toThe Jerry Duncan Show, (c) Dean B. Kaner day at O’Hare Airport. OZ: (shocked) Oh, dear.
On Elections Denying legitimacy unless your side wins is a cosmic contradiction, whether in politics, sports, or playing the stock mar ket… Only impaired adolescents or de monic schemers throw tantrums when losing – and must be told ‘No’ – even banned from the game... How difficult would it be to enact regulation that only candidates who accept the results, after appeals are ex hausted, be granted the hallowed po si tion as “pub lic servants”?... Further, the imbecility of denying failure after an open, transparent contest should invite political disqualification. Apparently, the majority of primitive right-wing voters missed this high school nugget of civic logic and law, if not common sense. Election rejection is outright cheat ing, alleging fraud to hide bla tant dis hon esty. Just like join ing a pick-up bas ket ball game, then deciding halfway through only your baskets count – not the other team’s (because by this perverse logic all winners must be cheaters)... Only confidence in elections can save us – and that now demands sim ple, prudent solutions. Write your state reps. – Robert S. Becker, nationofchange.org, May 23, 2022
On Science “Ig no rance more fre quently be gets confidence than does knowledge: it is those who know little, and not those who know much, who so positively assert that this or that problem will never be solved by science.” – Charles Dar win, The Descent of Man (1871) introduction
6
HUMOR TIMES
July, 2022
Define Freedom One party’s answer is always the same...
but it’s not good enough.
It seems a “good guy with a gun” isn’t enough either...
to face a crazed loner armed with weapons of war.
Our calls for action continue to be answered with platitudes...
and the insane babble of politicians with no spine.
They shrug their shoulders and say, “it’s just how it is...”
July, 2022
HUMOR TIMES
and “that’s life.” (continued)
7
Define Freedom (conclusion) Right wing media only feeds the beast...
as spineless Senators lie paralyzed with inaction...
and their hypocritical leadership offers more of the same.
but there’s a reason nothing’s come of it.
It is not what they claim...
and it doesn’t have to be this way...
8
The debate has been going on for a long time...
not if we defend ourselves.
HUMOR TIMES
July, 2022
One Track Mind
Robo-Teacher
The NRA claims they only want to help...
It’s not the help teachers need or want...
and they do – help themselves.
but it’s all the uneducated can come up with.
Like all marketers, they like to start ’em young...
Fantasies aside...
the reality is teachers are already over-stressed.
but are not interested much in education.
July, 2022
HUMOR TIMES
9
Cartertoons • www.cartertoons.com
•
by Jon Carter
Cartertoons • www.cartertoons.com
•
by Jon Carter
The Big Reveal
12
Americans were riveted by –
if not united by – the Jan. 6 hearings.
Some were less enthusiastic...
saying it’s all old news.
It started, testimony reveals, with a prayer...
as insurrectionists implemented their ingenious plan...
and the president* got expert advice.
Bill Barr, of course, was careful to distance himself. (continued)
HUMOR TIMES
July, 2022
The House Minority Leader complained it was unfair...
saying we should focus on the real danger.
Trump feared his reputation would be defiled...
and barked out orders like the old days.
The Big Lie is still being sucked up by the MAGA faithful...
and Trump clones are lining up...
to take the oath of office.
July, 2022
The case has been made. Now, will there be accountability?
HUMOR TIMES
13
Dems Biden is desperate get gas flowing, but says we mustn’t get it from those socialists in Venezuela, so...
Meanwhile, there’s plenty at home to worry about...
and it’s leaving him hanging.
Democrats, conventional wisdom says, are set up for a fall...
It’s beginning to look like déjà vu all over again...
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and they’re not making it easy on themselves.
all because something stands in the way.
HUMOR TIMES
July, 2022
‘We Report, You Decry!’ McCarthy: ‘Country Bears’ Responsible for Jan. 6th By Ralph Lombard House Minority leader Kevin McCarthy today revealed that a Republican-led investigation into January 6th has uncovered startling new evidence implicating popular bear band “The Country Bears” as the culprits behind the insurrection.
“These so-called ‘country’ bears have no love for their country whatsoever!” he explained. “They’re nothing more than a bunch of liberal elitist hacks trying to make Donald Trump look bad. “We’ve linked them to all kinds of un-American organizations such as Disney, the ACLU and Bear Lives Matter. We’ve established ties between them and left-wing radicals Queen Latifah, Elton John and the Care Bears. And who else would have the infrastructure and resources to pull off such a massive conspiracy? It all makes perfect sense!” Republicans claim eye witness testimony will prove their case. This in cludes well-known banker Reid Thimple, innocent bystander Benny Bogswaggle, police officers Cheets and Hamm, as well as their “star” wit ness, Florida Gov er nor Rick Desantis. A subpoena has also been issued for Mickey Mouse. “We’ll get to the truth if it kills us!” McCarthy pledged.
Old McDonald Backs Assault Weapons Ban By Steve Schneider Rural wunderkind Old McDonald has announced that he supports an assault weapons ban. Standing outside his barn, wearing his trade mark over alls, he said mil i tary-style weapons should be outlawed, and criticized “killer politicians who talk like they swallow fertilizer. They just ooze shit when they talk.” Old McDon ald ins i s t e d hi s col or ful rem a r ks a r e important. “We’ve got to change the de bate over a s s a u l t weap ons in America,” he said. “We need to respect life, which is something we learn to do early on at the farm. Unfortunately, it seems politicians just learn how to lie, dodge and get re-elected.” Old McDonald said it is time for people to speak up. “I’ve lived my life. I’ve raised plenty of critters,” he said. “Now I want to make sure my grandchildren can live long lives. I bet lots of my fellow Americans feel the same way.” Upset over the Texas school attack, he took ver bal aim at a Re pub li can pol i ti cian. “I watched on my old box TV as Sen. Bill Cassidy blamed the most recent school massacre on feral pigs. That’s hogwash. “Real farmers know how to protect themselves from invasions by the wild beast. Real farmers still have black and white TVs. And they don’t need military-style weapons to tend to their business.” The 4 a.m. presser was broadcast live nationally. A self-described “simple man,” he said he is “steeped in traditional farmer values.” Those values compel Old McDonald to campaign to hold “selfish, destructive, killer pols accountable for their actions and inactions.” The farmer also drew a parallel with the Jan. 6 attack on the U.S. Capitol. Old McDonald took a minute to spit out some chewing tobacco. Finally, he concluded, “I oppose violence but I intend to hang these evil pols out to dry. Maybe even let some feral pigs torment them.”
July, 2022
Headline News Section Aspiring to the High Standards Set by Cable News
Ron DeSantis Testicle-Tanning to ‘Bone Up’ for 2024 Run By Steve Schneider Florida Governor Ron DeSantis came out in favor of “red-light testicle tanning” today, saying treatments will give him a “leg up” in the 2024 presidential race. He endorsed the practice after Fox News star Tucker Carlson said it helps men drive up their testosterone count, making them more manly. DeSantis appears reg u larly on Carlson’s top-rated nighttime show. “I’m a Florida Man and a Red Man,” he shouted, beating his chest and insulting reporters. He also denounced “wimpy mainstream reporters and their Democratic patrons.” Florida resident Roger Stone charged that the “DeSantis ploy is a political stunt,” but admitted it was “pretty ballsy.” He added, “It was orchestrated by California migrant Christina Pushaw. She should go back where she came
DeSantis shows off abs while testicle-tanning.
from.” Pushaw is the communications expert who starts fights with Democrats and media figures. The battles get more attention for her boss. DeSantis told reporters the Republican-controlled state Legislature will meet in Special Session this summer. “They need to get off of
the beach and approve protections for people who administer and receive red-light testicle tanning treatments,” DeSantis said. The governor ended his press conference by blasting reporters. After reporters asked him if his pro posal was an ex am ple of “rightwing woke behavior,” DeSantis retorted, “I bet you get your questions from Mickey Mouse. We’ll see how you act now that I’ve chopped off Mickey’s tail. We’re selling bits and pieces of it online to raise millions more for future campaigns.” DeSantis then made obscene hand gestures at journalists when they noted he has refused to say whether he got a Covid-19 booster shot. “Red-light testicle tanning treatment is the answer,” DeSantis said. He rubbed his groin area before saying, “It will set you free in the freest state in the country.”
How to Ward Off Monkeypox and Avoid Another Pandemic By Ted Hol land, Dis patches from SNN (Slobovian News Network) With the ar rival of the rare dis ease Monkeypox in the United States, SNN’s resident Witch Doctoress Dr. Sweet Mama DoRite says that everyone should be proactive in warding off the disease, before it becomes a pandemic like Covid. She states that, much like the Delta Blues strain of Covid, Monkeypox can be controlled by funky sixties music played repeatedly until the danger passes. She explained that to repel Monkeypox, you must find the following 1960’s 45 records: 1. The Monkey Time, by Major Lance 2. Mickey’s Monkey, by Smokey Robinson and The Miracles 3. Can Your Monkey Do The Dog, by Rufus Thomas
Texas Gov: Arm Schoolchildren from Kindergarten on Up By Michael Egan “The only way to deal with a mad teenager bran dish ing an AR-15,” says Gov. Greg Abbott, “is another mad teenager brandishing an AR-15.” HOUSTON, TX — Texas Governor Greg Abbott, a self-confessed Republican, said today that the answer to “lone-wolf” gun attacks on schools was to arm the entire student body. “Giving guns to janitors and teachers just isn’t enough,” Abbott explained at a press gaggle soon after he shamefacedly cancelled his appearance at the NRA conference in Houston. “A lot of those old teacher fogies don’t know their dum-dums from their bum-bums, if you get what I mean," he added.
4. The Boston Monkey, by either The Manhattans or Billy Butler 5. Monkey Shine, by Bill Blacks Combo 6. Makin’ With The Magilla, by Little Eva Play these records over and over again until you’re sure that your household is safe from Monkeypox. Dr. DoRite also dispelled several rumors about Monkeypox, noting that you cannot catch Monkeypox from any of the following: 1. Kissing a monkey 2. Sharing a banana with a monkey 3. Having unprotected sex with a monkey 4. Binge watching either The Monkees or The Magilla Gorilla TV shows However, rival Pisseypoo News Witch Doctoress Sista Sookie Dunne Ghone states that the only surefire way to ward off Monkeypox is to get 80 pounds of bananas, mash them, mix them
with rum and make a total body paste, smear yourself from head to toe with it, then watch all twelve Johnny Weismuller Tarzan movies.
Ripping the Headlines Today Making fun of the headlines today, so you don’t have to By Paul Lander. All you need to do is follow one simple rule: barely pay attention and jump to conclusions. So, here are some headlines today and my first thoughts: The Rock’s daughter Simone Johnson announced her wrestling name, Ava Raine Personally, I think she should’ve gone with ‘Rockette.’ Space X axing people who sent memo criticizing Musk Rumor is they’ll be gathered in a Space X rocket and let go in 4, 3, 2 … The NFL announced that Little Caesars is now the new official pizza sponsor of the NFL, replacing Pizza Hut Pizza Hut will now be known as Pizza No Hut, Hut, Hut. Russia permanently banning nearly 1,000 Americans, including President Biden and Vice President Harris, from entering the country No big deal for their talks … that table Putin sits at reaches out into Finland. Chris Rock mocks Amber Heard for pooping in Johnny Depp’s bed No word if Johnny Depp then rushed at him and gave him a hug!
“Let’s face it, kids are quicker off the draw and more familiar with guns, being Texans and all. They gonna pop in and out of them shadows, hunt that shooter down in those corridors and locker rows they know so well. “Plus, my proposal includes firing-range classes every morning after the Pledge, and afternoon drill practice for the white Christians, on a strictly voluntary basis, of course.” The sedentary governor noted that in addition to his administration adopting the slogan “Jesus, Guns, Babies” from Georgia, he would be imposing a “Patriot’s Tax” on families with school-going kids to pay for their guns and ammo. “Fuck, the state’s not gonna pay for it, specially as we’re gonna let ’em keep those rifles and go on to join the Klan like most of us, or
Playing “Mickey’s Monkey” by Smokey Robinson and The Miracles helps ward off the disease.
Herschel Walker, who has been a frequent critic of absentee fathers, acknowledged fathering three additional children he had not previously mentioned Truth be told, that’s a lot of kids; maybe he can’t name them without them having on name tags.
Ryan Gosling is blond, tanned and toned in 1st-look photo as Ken in ‘Barbie’ movie He’s also really proud of the decorating he did on Barbie’s Dream House. Judge Jeanine worried that migrants entering the country could be alcoholics In fairness, she does like to drink alone. Triumph the Insult Comic arrested at the Capitol His excuse is he’s dating the poodle on top of Rand Paul’s head. Today marks the anniversary of the Watergate break in Or, as it’s also known, the Nixon Memorial. Tucker Carlson calling for Democrats to “de-escalate the rhetoric” Tucker Carlson telling Dems to “de-escalate the rhetoric” is like Chris Christie telling people to go easy on the buffet. US Capital Police arrest man with fake badge, body armor & high capacity magazines Damn, tourists. Cambridges Moving to “The Big House” in Windsor You’d think that would be more appropriate for Prince Andrew.
Read more columns by Paul Lander at humortimes.com.
maybe just follow a career in gerrymandering and vote suppression, like a normal Texas politician. If they wanna be just part-time, they can join their local Kyle Rittenhouse Street Brigade and shoot up lib eral street de mos on the weekend. “They should keep January 6, 2025 open though.” Abbott added that that he hoped the anticipated “several hundred thousand new AR-15s” which Texas plans to purchase annually, “will fi nally put us ahead of Cal i for nia as the gun-lovingest state in this whole goddamn gun-lovingest country!”
HUMOR TIMES
Faux News Relegated to B&W! In a controversial move, the “Faux News” section of the Humor Times has been relegated to the black & white pages of the printed paper. “Readers want an explanation,” said a protester, “we weren’t consulted! And why have black and white pages at all?!” A spokesman said the move was only intended to open up more space for color cartoons, but that they’re always open to feedback. “Just send an email, contact us on our site, write a good ol’ letter, or call us,” he said. “And regarding b&w pages, see our online FAQ!”
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Repubs Republican voters are facing some hard truths...
which are easily debunked.
Trump is still running things...
from his lair in Florida.
So the party’s doing just fine, thank you...
being ever-creative...
and outlining plans…
16
for a fail-proof system. (continued)
HUMOR TIMES
July, 2022
You Decide Meanwhile, ‘W’s set was a big hit in Dallas...
Fox News thinks that if they don’t cover it...
it doesn’t exist..
but Durham flopped, whiffing against Sussmann.
Ginni Thomas seems to be hiding something...
and the party continues to stay the course.
July, 2022
But they say they are liberating their viewers.
Meanwhile, Musk loves playing around with social media.
HUMOR TIMES
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Miscellaneous Mischief
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HUMOR TIMES
July, 2022
July, 2022
HUMOR TIMES
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