“Is that the wor d we want to live in? Where anyone accused of insurrection can be subject to questioning from law enforcement off cers?” TheShovel.com.au Issue #365 September, 2022 Make America Grin Again! Featuring the finest in editorial cartoons and political satire. Don’t Miss Out, Subscribe Today! Makes a Great Gift! Formerly the “Comic Press News” Merely $2.98 ®
Editor’s Letter September, 2022 Humor Times Page 3 Give Subscriptions, that others may laugh too! ALWAYS A WELCOME GIFT IDEA! CAName:ddress:ity: State: Zip: How did you discover us? Email (helps us keep renewal notice costs down): Card no.: Security code: Signature: Exp date: Name (as it appears on the card): Phone: (OR include all this info on a sheet of paper Please allow 4-6 weeks for first issue Phone orders: 916-758-8255.) (3-digit # on back, or if AX, 4-digit # on front) Send check or money order payable to the Humor Times to: Humor Times, P.O. Box 162429, Sacramento, CA 95816 Or use your: Discover Visa Mastercard American Express a p p p p 12 issues (1 year) . . . . . . . $26.95 12 issues/Canada . . . . . . . . . . $53.95 24 issues (2 years) $50.95 12 issues/Foreign Sub $82.95 Trial Sub (3 issues). . . . . . . $8.95 12 issues/PDF download . . . . . . $9.95 Please Check if RENEWAL. Subscriber # (on label, starts w/‘S’): Donation: I’d like to help the cause of political humor! $ SAVE $4 or more by ordering online at subs.humortimes.com! The Humor Times® (ISSN 1937 299X), Vol. 31, Issue 365, is published monthly by the Humor Times, 7271 Lindale Dr, Sacramento, CA 95828. (Not our mailing address, see “postmaster.”) Periodicals Postage Paid at Sacramento, CA and additional mailing offices. POSTMASTER: Send address changes to: Humor Times, P.O. Box 162429, Sacramento, CA 95816-2429. Subscriptions: subs.humortimes.com. Website: www humortimes.com. Editor: James Israel. Publisher: Jim LeDoux Email: info@humortimes.com. Phone: 916-758-8255. Printed by: Valley Oak Press, Inc., Galt, CA 95632. Contributors: Nick Anderson, Ruben Bolling, Bill Bramhall, Chris Britt, Jon Carter, John Deering, Hala Dika, Michael Egan, Walt Handelsman, Phil Hands, Joe Heller, Jim Hightower, Ted Holland, Da vid Horsey, Dean Kaner, Paul Lander, Ralph Lombard, Mike Luckovich, Andy Marlette, Joel Pett, Dan Piraro, Marshall Ramsey, Rob Rogers, Steve Schneider, Harley Schwadron, Drew Sheneman, Scott Stantis, Dana Summers, JC Wade, Dan Wasserman & others. Contributions: Send artwork/submissions to address or email above. The Humor Times (formerly the Comic Press News) is printed on recycled paper, using at least 60% post-consumer fiber. All contents ©2022. No part may be reproduced without permission.
– James Israel, Editor
The FBI raid on Mar-a-Lago was no small matter. It’s the first time an ex-president’s property has ever been searched. The property seized, however, was not his, and he re fused for a couple years to cooperate, leaving the government no option. It could be considered a slippery slope, however, inviting future retribution by Republi cans when they regain power. As one particularly adept column put it, “Yesterday’s raid by the FBI on the home of a former president sets a dangerous precedent.”
The so-called “Inflation Reduction Act” – poorly named thought it be – is a baby step in the right direction. Now, if only we could somehow manage to keep the House in Dem ocrat hands and increase their hold on the Senate by two or more seats, we could see some real change in the right direction. Perhaps Republican overreach on abortions and the coup, etc, will come back to haunt them. That’s what should happen. But it will take a major effort to educate a very poorly informed population as to what it takes to make positive change. Citizens tend to “vote their pocketbook,” as the saying goes, and inflation is making it hard on people. But they need to realize the actual causes of that inflation, and not just blindly blame whoever currently holds power in Washington. And they need to start thinking in the long term, instead of acting out like children, throw ing a hissy fit every election cycle. The parties’ records are clear, if citizens would only care to take a look. The voting re cords in Congress are public information. This is what should sway citizens, because this is what actually matters when it comes to getting things done: Who votes in Congress for things that help the people and our environment, and who votes only for tax cuts for the rich? The answers are plain to see.
It’s an excellent answer to right-wing media types when they angrily shout, “If they can do it to Trump, they can do it to anybody!” Well, yeah, if you steal top secret documents or do any of the other myriad things that constitute crimes, if true (see the column above for a complete list), you just might get investigated too! As it should be. We keep hearing that “nobody is above the law,” and yet it sure seems that way some times. Trump has come a long way without paying any real consequences so far – we can only hope that finally changes. However, the rich and powerful continue to get away with things that not only harm our country, but are now threatening the very existence of human civilization. It’s way past time they were forced to follow the law, and were made to pay their fair share in taxes.
But it went on, “A precedent which now means that anyone who evades taxes, attempts to undermine an election, sexually assaults women, manipulates the value of their assets, uses state resources to enrich themselves or aids and abets the overthrow of a democrati cally elected government will be subject to investigation.” Indeed. The rest of the piece on The Shovel website is a hoot, to the point and well worth the quick read (search “The Shovel slippery slope”).
OMNETWORKS A Complete Internet Solution WWW DSL• WiFi T1/T3• Technical Support WWW.OMSOFT.COM • 530-758-0119 Available at the Artists Collaborative Gallery 129 K St. Old Sacramento www.johnreigerpottery.com NEW! Humor Times T-shirts! Order yours today! https://subs.humortimes.com September, 2022 Humor Times Page 4
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Will Lie for Money
September, 2022 Humor Times Page 6 Alex Jones made a fortune spewing hatred and lies...
September, 2022 Humor Times Page 7 and there isn’t much that can help his reputation now.
September, 2022 Humor Times Page 8 He’s going to have to pay, finally...
September, 2022 Humor Times Page 9 but eradicating his brand of vitriol won’t be easy.
September, 2022 Humor Times Page 10 Hot News
September, 2022 Humor Times Page 11 The new climate deal is not all we’d hoped for...
September, 2022 Humor Times Page 12 thanks to one man...
September, 2022 Humor Times Page 13 who stood in the way.
September, 2022 Humor Times Page 14 It’s a worldwide problem...
September, 2022 Humor Times Page 15 that is only getting worse...
September, 2022 Humor Times Page 16 and wishing it away won’t help.
September, 2022 Humor Times Page 17 The situation is painfully obvious...
September, 2022 Humor Times Page 18 so we’d best get our priorities straight.
September, 2022 Humor Times Page 19
Health Blues
September, 2022 Humor Times Page 20 It’s a forever thing…
September, 2022 Humor Times Page 21 that shows no favorites.
September, 2022 Humor Times Page 22 In other health news, the Senate had a chance to really help...
September, 2022 Humor Times Page 23 but to some, the cost of action was too high.
JERRY DUNCAN: Good morning listeners nationwide. Is it a good morning? We’ll soon find out. Today on the show my guests are Fred Flintstone of Bedrock and George Jetson of Orbit City. One of them will be the next Senator from the state of Confusion.
JETSON: No. I’m open minded. I’m so ex cited, Duncan. I found out my grandpa, a lifelong Republican is going to vote Democratic this fall. And he’s dead. JERRY: Flintstone. What will you do for the people of Confusion if you are elected Senator?
By Dean Kaner Wherein our intrepid talk radio show host in terviews Fred Flintstone of Bedrock and George Jetson of Orbit City.
FRED FLINTSTONE: Yabba dabba doo!
JERRY: Flintstone. More residuals are com ing your way. Apparently, Netflix is making a version of The Flintstones for the people of the South called Modern Family
ANNOUNCER: Live from under a rock in your backyard, it’s The Jerry Duncan Show.
FLINTSTONE: I will make sure dinosaurs are affordable for every family. Nobody should have to walk everywhere in their bare feet. I also believe in school choice. The choice to send your kids to school or not. My kids Pebble and Bamm-Bamm were home schooled. Unfortu nately, my wife Wilma had to expel Bamm-Bamm. But he kept coming back, so we sent him to Reform School. Bammer was a real knockout.
FLINTSTONE: Yabba dabba doo! Now I can go clubbing. The Jerry Duncan Show (c) Dean B Kaner Herschel Walker. Photo: public domain.
The Jerry Duncan Show Interviews Fred Flintstone and George Jetson
JERRY: Same question to you, Jetson JETSON: I want an aero car that is affordable for every family. It runs on solar power, not fart power like a dinosaur. Education needs to be taught by teachers. There’s only one school choice–in the classroom. My daughter Judy loved school. She always carried a globe around. It meant the world to her. b: Flintstone. What makes you more qualified to be a Senator than Jetson? FLINTSTONE: My show had higher ratings than The Jetsons. I appeal to the rubes who re ceived an education from it. If it wasn’t for The Flintstones, there wouldn’t be Walmart shoppers.
JETSON: Okay, Rockhead. What’s the difference between a Republican and an idiot?
JERRY: What about your qualifications, Jetson? JETSON: I can solve the pollution problem. JERRY: How? JETSON: Don’t let Flintstone talk.
September, 2022 Humor Times Page 24
FLINTSTONE: I’m a Republican, Space Ca det.
GEORGE JETSON: Is Flintstone an idiot or what?
FLINTSTONE: An idiot applies sunscreen lotion liberally. JERRY: Hey, Jetson. I understand you only work an hour, two days a week. Your wife Jane is hot. Your teenage daughter is dating a robot, and your son Elroy is friends with the Minions. Are you an out of touch Democrat?
JERRY: Hi fellas.
September, 2022 Humor Times Page 26
Working for a Living
September, 2022 Humor Times Page 27 The economy has been hard on most...
September, 2022 Humor Times Page 28 especially those at the bottom.
September, 2022 Humor Times Page 29 The rich just keep getting richer...
September, 2022 Humor Times Page 30 in any way they possibly can.
September, 2022 Humor Times Page 31 Teachers are retiring en masse...
September, 2022 Humor Times Page 32 and no one can figure out why.
September, 2022 Humor Times Page 33 Corporations can put on a friendly face...
September, 2022 Humor Times Page 34 but only good legislation can really change things.
September, 2022 Humor Times Page 35
When the FBI a-Knockin’Comes
September, 2022 Humor Times Page 36 Republicans were beside themselves...
September, 2022 Humor Times Page 37 at the thought of the stench the raid would cause.
September, 2022 Humor Times Page 38 They demanded that justice be done...
September, 2022 Humor Times Page 39 at least, their brand of justice.
September, 2022 Humor Times Page 40 They stick with their hero, no matter what...
September, 2022 Humor Times Page 41 even though the truth is plain to see.
September, 2022 Humor Times Page 42 But it was a major blow to Trump...
September, 2022 Humor Times Page 43 who claims he barely knew the place.
September, 2022 Humor Times Page 44 The FBI made some interesting discoveries...
September, 2022 Humor Times Page 45 and are compiling all the evidence.
September, 2022 Humor Times Page 46 Trump didn’t make it easy...
September, 2022 Humor Times Page 47 wanting it both ways.
September, 2022 Humor Times Page 48 To the AG, it was like fish in a barrel...
September, 2022 Humor Times Page 49 but there is talk amongst the lunatic fringe of rebellion.
September, 2022 Humor Times Page 50 It does answer one question, though...
September, 2022 Humor Times Page 51 and begs another.
September, 2022 Humor Times Page 52 Humor Times Center Pages Cartoons
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September, 2022 Humor Times Page 59 Cartertoons • by Jon Carter • www.cartertoons.com
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Federal prison authorities won’t let the founder of “America’s Frontline Doctors” fill her “freedom prescriptions” to treat Covid-19, the warden of the Miami prison announced today
Then there was Trump son-in-law and top advi sor Jared Kushner who said he was in the shower while the trouble was brewing. “I didn’t know anything about it,” Kushner said. “Imagine my shock when I finally answered, and it was Kevin McCarthy, telling me it was getting re ally ugly over at the Capitol.’”
“The President called me later and said Fox News was reporting the Democrats were staging a riot on Capitol Hill, doing it to hurt him. That’s what really got me upset,” Kushner said.
Meanwhile, long-time Trump ally Steve Bannon said he did, in fact, know the riot would happen, announcing the day before that “all hell is going to break loose” on January 6. He said that on that fateful day, he was at Walmart trying on a medieval wardrobe for his podcast.
The teams would become part of Putin’s newly formed Russo-Asian Baseball Federation. The Yankees would be quartered in Moscow and be renamed the Moscow Mules. The Cubs would be located in northern Russia and would be called the Sibe rianTHuskies.eamsalready in the league in clude the Volga Boatmen, the Singa pore Slings, the Hong Kong Hammers, the Beijing Boppers, the Macau Magic, the Vladavostock Vi pers, the Gobi Desert Dingers and the Shanghai Socialists. There are rumors that the New York Mets will relocate to the Phillipines and be called the Manilla Folders. Also a rumor that Senator Bernie Sanders would be league commis sioner
An anonymous member of a radical group, on Twitter, reacted. “Bitch got what she deserved. En joy talking to yourself for two months.”
First Lady Melania Trump said she was docu menting all the architectural and decorative changes she had made during her four years living in the White House.
“I would have immediately walked into the Oval Office and told the President about all the Antifa traitors and communists rioting at the Capitol, but I didn’t want to disturb him while he was making America great again.”
Trump and family associates all said they also didn’t know about the riot at the Capitol on January 6, as they were involved in other matters at the time.
What Trump and Family Were Really Doing Jan. 6th
Frontline Doctors Founder Denied “Freedom Drugs” in Federal Prison
News September, 2022 Humor Times Page 63
By Eric Green Completely out of character from his great love of the press, former President Donald Trump has denounced the “radical lamestream media” for claiming he was transfixed watching all-day Fox News coverage of the Jan. 6, 2021 insurrection on Capitol“That’Hill.sablatant lie. The truth is I was busy do ing other important things,” Trump maintained, saying that during the riot he was on the phone dis cussing something called “complexity economics” with his top economic advisors, a system which the former chief executive said “as a genius nobody else really understands.”
“I only turned Fox on later on when my people told me what was going on. As usual, the press is making up lies about me.”
Trump sons Donald Trump, Jr., and Eric Trump also were engaged in other activ ities, and had no idea about the events at theTrCapitol.ump Junior, for instance, said he was in Mongolia on a hunting trip to kill rare argali sheep, and Eric said he was busy that day buying up apartments for Trump Real Estate in order to resell them as luxury condo units .
Putin Offers WNBA’s Brittney Griner for MLB Teams
By Ted Holland, Dispatches from SNN (Slobovian News Network) Russian President Vladimir Putin has offered to release WNBA star Brittney Griner in exchange for the re location to Russia of famed MLB fran chises the New York Yankees and the Chicago Cubs, according to a recent leak in the press.
That means Dr. Simone Gold must either take government-approved treatments or suffer the con sequences of her actions. She had asked the warden for permission to take “freedom medicines” such as ivermectin and hydroxychloroquine. Citing conventional medical practice, the “boss of the joint,” as the warden calls himself, also turned away Florida Surgeon General Joseph Ladapo. The Harvard-trained doctor caught the eye of Sunshine State Gov. Ron DeSantis for ques tioning the efficacy and safety of Covid vaccines, and mask mandates. Lapado also was an early sup porter of America’s Frontline Doctors. He left the prison front gate in a tizzy today after he refused to wear a mask. Dr. Gold is in the news again because she pleaded guilty to a misdemeanor in connection with the Jan. 6 riot at the nation’s Capitol. Support ers contend she is being persecuted by a tyrannical government. In contrast, they insist, authorities ig nore the alleged misbehavior of Black Lives Mat ter and Antifa members. In a press conference, the Miami warden addressed concerns about BLM and Antifa. He said, “Dr. Gold will spend her 60-day sentence in soli tary confinement.” He made the decision “after the doctor and her representatives warned that BLM and Antifa sympathizers may try to harm her.”
Aspiring to the High Standards Set Fox
‘We YouReport,Decry!’ Headline News
by
But the equally radical Florida governor took a different position. He asked his staff to research whether he could fire the Miami-based federal wardenTheanswer? No, because the warden works for the federal government. Replied DeSantis, “Just wait until 2024.”
By Steve Schneider
Griffin added, “Why don’t you leave the kids and the adults alone so they can splash around in the pool? They want to hang with the governor and enjoy the warm sun against their bare skin.” The nude family resort is highlighted on the nude beaches page of the state-funded website, VisitLibFlorida.eralDemocrats pounced on the hypocrisy of a governor who denounces the “sexualization” of childhood and woke thinking and behavior “He takes action against a Miami restaurant that held a drag show,” said a man dressed as a woman. “But then DeSantis attends a nude fam ily resort with a no-clothing pool to hand out ba nanas. That’s just bananas. Welcome to the Banana Republic of Florida.”
In another related news, it is rumored that Rus sian President Vladimir Putin is on Zardoc trying to hire Zardocian mercenaries to replace the troops he hasn’t lost in his Ukraineian adventure.
Making fun of the headlines today, so you don’t have to By Paul Lander. All you need to do is follow one simple rule: barely pay attention and jump to conclusions. So, here are some headlines today and my first thoughts: Serves ‘Banana Republic’ Snacks at Nude Family Resort
Planet Zardoc to Sue Webb Space Telescope for Invasion of Privacy
By Steve Schneider Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis is serving “Banana Republic” snacks at a family nudist resort in the Sunshine State today, his new press secretary an nounced.Standing fully clothed, Bryan Griffin, the new state flack, told “legacy media” reporters they could not attend the event. He replaced Christina Pushaw, who resigned as the governor’s press secretary this week. Pushaw took off her gloves, not her clothes, to assume a combative role in the DeSantis for Governor campaign. Griffin, a founding member of the Emergency Committee for America, dared journalists to crash the party. He said, “We’re holding it at the no-clothing pool. Let’s see how many perverts in the press show up.”
Ripping the Headlines Today
Trump just did what he said guilty people and the mob do: plead the Fifth… 450+ times Trump looks so guilty, that when they cart him off, look for him to get a fist bump from Biden. David McCullough, two-time Pulitzer and Presidential Medal of Freedom recipient, dies at 89 Damn, ‘David McCullough is history’ now has a whole different meaning today. God Speed. U.S. economy adds 528,000 jobs in July, unemployment rate falls to 3.5% … Would’ve been 528,001 but Rudy Giuliani still can’t practice law …
Read more columns by Paul Lander at humortimes.com.
By Ted Holland, Dispatches from SNN (Slobovian News Network) General Mugu Guyye Panne,General Counsel and Attorney General for the Planet Zardoc states that he plans to Sue and bring criminal charges against the newly Earth-launched James Webb Space Telescope and those who operate it. The general stated that while Earthlings are fascinated by the photos generated by the tele scope.it is latest in a growing lists of space pests all launched by earth including Space Stations, sattelites,rockets and other UES (Unknown Earth Schitte).General Panne said the telescope has taken photos of secret Zardocian military and defense installations and has recorded secret Zardocian sex rituals(Zardocians have 237 sex organs and common sex takes about 56 hours).General Panne stated that he has contacted the famed Earth law firm of Grabballe,Decash and Scramme to handle the case.
In Other Headline News
Intergalactic Congress of Planets Proposes Building Dome Over Earth Several members of The Intergalactic Con gress of Planets (of which Earth is not a member) have proposed building a dome over the Earth. The planets Zardoc, Zztthttttttthhhhee and Ziggywiditte (the “party planet”) made the pro posal stating that it would solve two problems: It would stop Earth from launching any more space crud, and would solve the planet’s global warm ing problem, providing there is an Earth leader smart enough to work the thermostat.
‘Defund the FBI!’ – Republicans speak out against raid of Trump’s Mar-a-Lago estate MAGA’s so mad at the law enforcement that NASCAR drivers gonna start taking a knee before the National Anthem. DOJ probing Trump Word is, the DOJ is probing Trump so hard Lindsey Graham went ‘Ouch’ Smallpox vaccine effective against Monkeypox Although, we’ll need an Extra Large Pox vaccine if there’s a breakout of Gorilla Pox. R Kelly family mad he’s in jail Makes sense. Now, when they wish they could fly, they can only afford to go economy class!
September, 2022 Humor Times Page 64 DeSantis
Trump had the chance to kill Al Qaeda’s leader but didn’t because he didn’t recognize the name At least, that proves he heard of Mike Pence. Ben Affleck was reportedly upset over the paparazzi In fairness, maybe they thought Matt Damon was on the way. Lawsuit accuses Dodgers security of attacking fans … just put Bellinger in charge, he can’t hit anything. Nick Cannon confirms he is expecting more kids: ‘The stork is on the way’ Enough, already! Elon Musk and Nick Cannon need to join a dating site called ‘SNIPPD.’ Nebraska police obtained Facebook messages about teen’s alleged abortion So, that makes them officially TwoFacedbook. Padres star Tatis suspended 80 games for positive PED drug test On the upside, he’ll be available for next year’s Kentucky Derby. Republican Wisconsin activist says he committed voter fraud to expose potential voter fraud … Which is the same rationale Prince Andrew used to try getting his ban lifted from Chuck E Cheese.
Red Team
September, 2022 Humor Times Page 65
September, 2022 Humor Times Page 66 Republicans were forced to change their tune...
September, 2022 Humor Times Page 67 but there is no end to stuff they’ll complain about.
September, 2022 Humor Times Page 68 They think they have a monopoly on Christianity...
September, 2022 Humor Times Page 69 but their cruel policies are causing a backlash.
September, 2022 Humor Times Page 70 They might want to rethink their strategy...
September, 2022 Humor Times Page 71 because they are headed in a very dangerous direction...
September, 2022 Humor Times Page 72 even with their new hero, Gov. Trump Lite.
September, 2022 Humor Times Page 73 It’s a train wreck they just can’t hide.
Former Prez
September, 2022 Humor Times Page 74
September, 2022 Humor Times Page 75 Trump hosted a golf tournament...
September, 2022 Humor Times Page 76 with only the “best people.”
September, 2022 Humor Times Page 77 There’s a seed of doubt among Republican voters...
September, 2022 Humor Times Page 78 and Senators.
September, 2022 Humor Times Page 79 Trump’s been feeling a little jealous...
September, 2022 Humor Times Page 80 but he needn’t, because he’s got a devoted mate.
September, 2022 Humor Times Page 81 At least publicly, they declare their allegiance...
September, 2022 Humor Times Page 82 and can’t wait for him to run again.
September, 2022 Humor Times Page 83 What We Know So Far
September, 2022 Humor Times Page 84 The Jan. 6 committee told a compelling story...
September, 2022 Humor Times Page 85 and a scary one for democracy.
September, 2022 Humor Times Page 86 It really opened some eyes…
September, 2022 Humor Times Page 87 and taught some lessons.
September, 2022 Humor Times Page 88 The Secret Service has not been forthcoming...
September, 2022 Humor Times Page 89 and showed some dangerous tendencies.
September, 2022 Humor Times Page 90 Luckily, the Constitution has held so far...
September, 2022 Humor Times Page 91 but we can’t leave it up to chance.
Blue Team
September, 2022 Humor Times Page 92
September, 2022 Humor Times Page 93 Biden was a shut-in for a while...
September, 2022 Humor Times Page 94 and still seems to be shut down.
September, 2022 Humor Times Page 95 Dems sometimes have a hard time recognizing their problems...
September, 2022 Humor Times Page 96 and can make them worse.
September, 2022 Humor Times Page 97 Inflation is finally leveling off...
September, 2022 Humor Times Page 98 but there are other issues.
September, 2022 Humor Times Page 99 Meanwhile, Pelosi went to Taiwan…
September, 2022 Humor Times Page 100 and Merrick Garland lit a fuse.
September, 2022 Humor Times Page 101 Burning the Vets
September, 2022 Humor Times Page 102 It would seem like something everyone could get behind...
September, 2022 Humor Times Page 103 but it took a heroic effort to shame some into doing what’s right.
September, 2022 Humor Times Page 104 They were willing to let Vet’s benefits go to ashes...
September, 2022 Humor Times Page 105 and that’s not all.
September, 2022 Humor Times Page 106 Not in Kansas Anymore
September, 2022 Humor Times Page 107 The reaction to the fundamentalist right’s overreach...
September, 2022 Humor Times Page 108 showed that the will of the people is a powerful thing.
September, 2022 Humor Times Page 109 Yet the cruelty of these new anti-abortion laws...
September, 2022 Humor Times Page 110 should never have been allowed to happen.
What we have here is one more absurd inci dent illustrating that America’s sanctified work ethic is a fraud, a shibboleth to make millions think they can get ahead if they just work hard enough, keep their nose to the grindstone, stay loyal to the corporate order for life — no matter howButvacuous.thegame is up, for workers across the economy are rejecting this idea of “Boney Fin gers” and work as a false idol. Such emergent groups of dissidents as “Rest is Resistance” and the “Nap Ministry” are going right in the face of corporate workaholism. Yet, the corporate schemers ought not mistake these passive resist ers as a few puckish slackers. Today’s wide spread shortage of workers (from truck drivers to teachers) is not a momentary economic blip, but a defiant declaration of independence from a form of work that is life-sucking. People are not afraid of hard work, nor averse to long hours… if the task and the cause are worth both the time and effort. And “worth it” is in creasingly being measured in higher values than dollars alone — compensated by a sense of pur pose, community, respect, fairness and fun! In short, true worthiness… not a Chick-fil-A sandwich.
Well, Chick-fil-A hasn’t gone quite that biblical yet, but one of its franchises pioneered a novel, modern-day labor compensation innovation that teeters that way, paying some workers “chicken feed.” This franchise of the $11-billion-a-year chain called on area residents to sign up to staff its new Drive Thru Express — but in lieu of wages, they were paid in chicken sandwiches!
“Work your fingers to the bone — whadda ya get? Boney Fingers.” This 1960’s Hoyt Axton folk song mocking the vaunted virtue of working hard is being sung today with new meaning by all kinds of employ ees — from those in construction to high tech, food service to education, health care to media. And it’s not just manual labor and frontline em ployees singing the “Boney Fingers” blues, but also many midlevel career climbers and even a few upper-floor executives.
America’s stringent system of corporate capi talism keeps carving out new depths of worker exploitation. Walmart, Amazon, Uber and Mc Donald’s are not even the mingiest in this plunge to the bottom. Take Chick-fil-A, a right-wing, At lanta-based, fast-food operation boasting its “biblically-based” principles. Like slavery?
The rebellion here is not merely a matter of more pay, but particularly about the unrelenting nature of work itself — the all-consuming “job imperative,” as if that’s your life. Go 40 to 60 hours a week (plus online availability after hours) 50 to 52 weeks a year for half a century or more … then die. Is that all there is? Is that all we are? Amazingly, in 2022 America, this fundamen tal existential, truly revolutionary question is one millions of hardworking people at various levels in our top-down corporate system are asking themselves, their families, co-workers, bar bud dies, et al. Why are we working like this, why does it matter, what else is there? Airline pilots, for example, have stunned American, Delta, Southwest and United by prioritizing non-monetary demands in their cur rent contract negotiations with the monopolistic airline giants. The bosses have offered 14% pay hikes, but pilots are demanding something more meaningful: structural changes to improve their quality of life. They’re routinely frustrated by management’s inept scheduling, inadequate staffing and onerous work rules that leave them stressed out, dangerously fatigued and often stranded far from home. The bottom line is not another dollar but being able to plan and enjoy a non-work life. “You absolutely cannot address quality of life with money,” says the president of the pilots’ union at Southwest Airlines. “You’re never going to pay someone enough for a lost piano recital with their daughter or a lost baseball game.”There are many compromises required to make a living these days, but at last we humans are beginning to say: Enough — you can buy my hard work, but not my life.
Why Should Work Be Life-Sucking?
Each of those who joined the Express team re ceived five fast-food chicken items per shift, which worked out to less than minimum wage.
The Hightower Lowdown JIM HIGHTOWER September, 2022 Humor Times Page 111
September, 2022 Humor Times Page 112 MiscellaneousMischief
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September, 2022 Humor Times Page 121 Bizarro, by Dan Piraro
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September, 2022 Humor Times Page 127 Cornered, by Mike Baldwin
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September, 2022 Humor Times Page 131
September, 2022 Humor Times Page 132
Acupuncture • Mercury Free • Cerec Crowns Mercury Separators • GREEN Dentistry • Surgically Clean Air Acupuncture is offered for relaxation, anesthesia, pain control and healing. Holistic Resource Referral In keeping with holistic philosophy, we begin each day with our Healing Circle. We do conscious breath work, meditation and affirmations for our patients and ourselves to create healing, transformation and peace on our planet. Family Dentistry with Tender Loving Care. Traditional dentistry with holistic options offered in a warm, caring environment www.dentalandholistichealth.com Jeanette Midori Okazaki, DDS, Inc. • (916) 329-3400 2525 K Street, Suite 305, Sacramento • Most insurance plans accepted California Stage courtyard, 25th & R St, Midtown • Free parking Tickets & Reservations: CalStage.org Theater Creations California Stage SUNDAY SEPT 4th: DARDEN The band: Clarah, Havi, Tabbi, Josiah and Noah. DARDEN THE BAND has just returned from a triumphant tour of Europe and is eager to share their invigorated energy. All are songwriters and versatility is their hallmark, each of them playing several instruments. Their sound leans toward an alternative, Americana feel. Outdoors in the California Stage courtyard, as part of our ongoing Social Distance Theater series! $20 tickets BIG savings for 5 or more: $5 off each ticket. TICKETS: www.calstage.org. More info or to buy by phone: 916-600-9536 September, 2022 Humor Times Page 133 Best Beer in Town Hoppy's Railyard Kitchen & Hopgarden 1022 2nd St. in Old Sacramento • 916-451-4677 Hoppy Hour: Tue-Fri 3-6pm • Sun 9:00-close Sat 10:00-close • All day Monday! Brewed in Sacramento!
Become a Humor Times Patron! Become a Sustaining Supporter and Get Your Name in the Funny Papers! Here are a few of our current generous supporters: Bruce Gordon • Randolf Krbechek • Josephine Decaro Rutigliano • Frank Franklin • and YOU? It isn’t easy these days producing any periodical, particularly when you are a small publication without any corporate backing. If you believe in the cause of political humor, please consider joining the growing ranks of Humor Times Patrons, via Patreon.com! Help us keep the lights on and pay our monthly bills, with a small (or large!) sustaining monthly donation. Get a reward, depending on your level of support. We thank you! www.patreon.com/humortimes September, 2022 Humor Times Page 134
We don’t have any supply chain issues here, the Humor Times will get to you on time every month (especially after the P.O. gets a proper Postmaster General)! However, the continued support of our loyal readership is vitally important Just one gift subscription from you to a friend or relative in need (of a laugh), or one for yourself, is always a big help. (You may even request a gift card in your name.) OR, you could help in an ongoing way by signing up as a Humor Times patron at Patreon.com/HumorTimes, or use our website to start a recurring donation. Your monthly contribution can be as small or large as you like, and will up us to pay our bills and keep putting out the best political humor magazine in the country You’ll even get some cool rewards! Now that you’ve found some comic relief... do the right thing: Support the Humor Times! For subscriptions, use the handy coupon on page 3, or write your recipients’ names and addresses clearly and include a check or money order for $26.95*, payable to: Humor Times P. O. Box 162429 Sacramento, CA 95816 *Up to $4 OFF on subscriptions when you order online at subs.humortimes.com! Needs You! ...To Support the All Important Cause of Political Satire! ® The No Supply-Chain Problems Here, But We Can Use Your Help! We’ve Got Your “Unique Gift Idea” Right Here! Subscriptions Will Keep ’em Laughing ALL YEAR! Use the form on page 3. A Gift Certificate will be sent in your name if you wish. Or order online at HumorTimes.com and get up to $4.00 off or more! September, 2022 Humor Times Page 135
