Humor Times, June 2014

“It is the first responsibility of every citizen to question authority.” – Benjamin Franklin Issue #270

June, 2014

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June, 2014

Editor’s Letter The internet is a wonderful thing. It’s so democratic – everyone has an equal voice. Anyone can start a blog, an art site, a music site, any kind of website, very inexpensively.

Sure, it’s another thing to get people to visit it, but with time and effort, that can also be accomplished on a budget, what with social media like Facebook, Twitter and the like.

It used to be you had to own a printing press and have a lot of money to be heard. That’s why a level playing field on the internet – “net neutrality” – is so important.

But it is in peril.

For years, the big internet providers – the companies you pay for internet access – have been lobbying for a tiered system, whereby they can charge website owners extra for faster service. If they get their wish, they make more money of course, but it won’t take long to lose the level playing field. The big companies will get the faster service, and the “mom and pop” websites will get slower service.

People being who they are, they will gravitate toward the faster sites. Everyone’s impatient on the information superhighway – face it, we’re spoiled. When we click on a link, we expect the site to load pronto – if not, we’ll go on to the next link.

If big money gets its way, which it is very used to doing, the internet will change drastically. All those cool alternative sites will get slower, as they are nearly all operating on small budgets, as the Disney and Google and Viacom and CNN and USA Today and sports websites get faster.

(Full disclosure – we’ve got a dog in this fight, the humortimes.com website. We’re on a tight budget, as the site makes very little on advertising, so we would be a victim along with thousands of other small business sites.)

Thousands of us have been fighting this fight for net neutrality for years now, succeeding thus far in preserving it. But they keep coming at us, and people grow weary. That’s what they’re counting on.

Don’t let them take the last chance we have at a truly democratic communications medium! Don’t get tired, don’t stop agitating! We can still preserve the internet as we know it!

Educate yourself and your friends on this issue, and don’t fall for the corporate argument that net neutrality is “silly,” or that the fight has already been lost. Check out savetheinternet .com, aclu.org/net-neutrality, etc, sign the petitions, go to any local meetings the FCC holds.

They are still gathering input, and are still considering reclassifying the internet as a public utility, which it should be. That will give them the power to enforce net neutrality.

Make your voice heard! Lest it be completely drowned out forever.

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June, 2014

HUMOR TIMES

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Skating on Thin Ice Ignorance is bliss for climate change denialists...

it’s so easy, there’s an answer for everything...

but eventually, something’s got to give.

The Koch brothers continue to fight progress...

and nothing seems to get done...

which we will live to regret.

As severe weather events increase, neighbors unite...

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and priorities become crystal clear.

HUMOR TIMES

June, 2014

Game Penalty

Death Penalty

Donald Sterling had big plans for his L.A. Clippers...

Tortured interpretations of the Constitution...

but they didn’t pan out...

have resulted in some botched executions...

although he still has his fantasies. to the point where it’s become a sick joke...

Meanwhile, in college football news:

June, 2014

which prisons are very concerned about.

HUMOR TIMES

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The Benghazi Boogie In order to function like a properly greased money machine, the GOP requires a chew toy. Something to snarl and wave and get a good growl on. Railing against easy-to-digest injustices is the perfect lubrication. Nuance – not their strong suit. This party calibrates with pitchforks and 55 gallon drums of oil.

Their specialty is publicly declaring abhorrence for manufactured boogeymen. Communist takeover of the world – bad. Muslim President born with a racist agenda in an African country – bad. Socialist healthcare that kills old people – bad. They, wrapped in a flag holding high the cross – good.

Having never met a dead horse they didn’t enjoy beating, the Party of Lincoln is prone to continuing their battering to microscopic detail. As long as the audience remains rapt, these guys will lambaste anything retaining a whiff of expired equine. Saddles. Baseballs. Horsehide ottomans. Cello bows. Glue.

But after 51 attempted repeals, all the sweet cream goodness has been beaten right out of ObamaCare, what with the world not coming to an end and all like everyone said. And drat the luck, no death panels. Lousy timing, with a mid-term election looming like Godzilla at the end of an alley.

So now the hordes of upraised clubs have moved onto a new target. Demonstrated by House Speaker John Boehner throwing a large number of his Capture The Senate Majority election chips down the Benghazi Rabbit Hole. Let the inquisitions begin. For

the 14th time.

Republican Senators are jealously clamoring for similar grandstanding opportunities, but chances of Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid granting that request are smaller than Donald Sterling headlining the Apollo.

The issue concerning the death of four Libyan embassy employees excites the base to where they vibrate and leak green froth from their nose while their voices go up two octaves. The major difficulty is negotiating the fine line that separates energizing the tea- drinking troops from politicizing a tragedy. And rumors of Benghazi tote bags don’t help.

I can’t wait for Ted Cruz to start a new nationwide dance craze via Youtube video: “Doing the Benghazi Boogie. Take 2 steps back. Look around. Point your finger. Shake your head. Shake your contributions cup. Shake your tail feather. Take 2 steps back.”

Even after holding 13 hearings on the subject, Republicans are determined that this time, they’ll get the truth. To such disturbing mysteries as why Susan Rice wore a pink blouse when she went on the Sunday talk shows. A signal? How many brain tumors were affecting Hillary Clinton? Why wouldn’t Barack Obama get off the phone with Benjamin Netanyahu? Were they celebrating?

And who exactly do Republicans hate more: Barack Obama or Hillary Clinton?

WILL DURST

Yes, the answer to these and many more questions will be cloaked and shrouded and obscured but why Republicans have lost consecutive Presidential elections will definitely be highlighted in day-glo skywriting. At a certain point the American people grow tired of washing off the horse blood.

Afterwards, a consultation with Geraldo Rivera might be in order, because this Benghazi investigation is destined to come up emptier than Al Capone’s Vault. The only good news is the term “impeachment” has yet to be bandied about. And for that, we should all get down on our knees and thank… Joe Biden.

Glasswipes A tsunami of tech is engulfing our nation, and in the process, redecorating communities like a family of grizzly bears locked in a Volkswagen van. A family of obscenely paid bespectacled grizzly bears with a taste for artisanal toast.

Remember back in high school when the freaks and geeks and nerds were ostracized and used as objects of scorn and derision?

Well, pull out the yearbooks, pom poms and letter sweaters because those halcyon days are back. Although a lot of us will be skipping gym class. Atomic wedgies all around.

The nerds have come full circle, shedding their recently acquired soft fuzzy status as lovable underdogs to once again be reviled, this time as hipster locusts laying waste to traditional neighborhoods with their voracious appetite for kale, quinoa and six-dollar cups of aged Sumatran eggnog macchiatos. With a free trade, shade grown cinnamon rinse, of course.

Here in the Bay Area, Google has become the early adopter of cascading contempt through such high profile projects as Google Glass, the eyeglass computer only available to the precious invited few and Google Buses, reserved for the precious fewer. These luxury roach coaches hijack and misuse municipal infrastructures to ferry the pork pied Masters of the Universe 2.0 from deep dark cities central to idyllic oases in Silicon Valley.

Where they are fed free gum and candy.

Stretching their motto of “don’t be evil” into elastic threads, Google recently constructed a large barge in the middle of San Francisco Bay, refusing to tell the public or government officials its intended use. Facing an ultimatum to reveal the purpose or move, the barge was floated under the cover of darkness to Stockton. Another is moored in Portland, Maine; both suspiciously equidistant from Omaha, Nebraska. That doesn’t bode well for Warren Buffett.

Known simply as Glass, the computerized spectacles look like something out of the Borg accessory catalog and double down on those blue tooth earpieces that make it difficult to distinguish between investment bankers and the crazed homeless.

Like there’s a difference.

All men are created equal, but some are more equal than others, and those desiring to appear most equal are shelling out 1,500 dollars for this strap-on symbol of techie privilege. Ostensibly still in beta phase, the hype is overwhelming anticipation, running the risk of Google Glass turning obsolete before its general release — the laser disc of wearable computers. Betamax Glass. Besides, most everybody is waiting for Apple to make them user friendly, anyway.

Meanwhile, irrevocable damage is being done through permanent alterations to the landscapes onto which the ravaging techsters have descended. This October, the shares of Twitter employees are fully vested and 2,000 millionaires will hit the streets of San Francisco. And people will speak dreamily of the good old days when a studio in the Mission with no parking and the smell of old men embedded into the walls only cost $3500.

OK, Glass, evict.

Because of the vast monies being bandied about, all of us will be forced to cater to these concentrated hordes, raising the question, who are the real Glasswipes here? The insular entitled techie menace blissfully traipsing down sidewalks bemusedly contemplating cat videos on their face-borne computers or the rest of us desperate supplicants poised to wipe their tiny windscreens clean with our miniature squeegees? There’s an app for that.

Will Durst is a nationally acclaimed, award-winning political stand-up comedian and writer. His column has been published in the Humor Times magazine for over 20 years. Go to willdurst.com to find about more about his CDs, including “Elect to Laugh,” and check his calendar of personal appearances.

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HUMOR TIMES

June, 2014

Classless The stock market is doing well...

but the economy is not exactly taking off...

which makes campaigning awkward for Democrats.

Things are changing fast...

and people in low wage jobs have it tough.

Career opportunities are not what they used to be...

and as we lean toward oligarchy...

June, 2014

it’s increasingly clear who’s to blame.

HUMOR TIMES

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Fear of Education

Muddle East

School in some places is not like here...

Middle East problems seem intractable...

and people are concerned.

as the Sec. of State has discovered.

Fear of education is ignorance personified...

Foreign affairs are a mess...

and just plain stupid. and the prez is feeling the heat.

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HUMOR TIMES

June, 2014

The Hightower Lowdown The Power of Organizing Hard work, we’re told, always pays off. Sure it does — ask a farmworker, a roofer, or a home health aide. In our economy, those doing the hardest work get the worst pay, the weakest job protections, the least respect and zero say in the way things work. Such laborers are the downest and outest people in our country’s workforce, totally vulnerable to the boss’ whims and not even allowed the legal right to organize for better treatment.

So what can they do? Organize!

To hell with taking “no” for an answer. Although these work ers are poorly paid and treated, they’re rich in spirit. Told organizing wasn’t allowed, they went out and did it anyway. Groups such as the Coalition of Immokalee Workers in Florida’s vast agribusiness fields, the National Day Laborer Organizing Network and the National Domestic Workers Alliance have formed within occupational categories to rally and be advocates for millions of the hard-hit, previously voiceless and largely invisible people who do the back-breaking, sweaty, insecure, exhausting and thankless — yet essential — labor in our society.

Just bonding together as common laborers in this field or that has been a remarkable achieve-

ment. More remarkable, the bonds have held and attracted others to join, because the groups’ actions have produced results — from wage increases and bargaining rights to republic recognition and some respect.

Now comes the most remarkable advance by these groups of “powerless” workers: They have recognized the greater power of coalition — a lesson that the larger, richer, established progressive groups need to learn, pronto. Four years ago at a gathering in Detroit, a “group of groups” organized themselves into the United Workers Congress, including nine occupational sectors: day laborers, domestic workers, farm workers, restaurant workers, formerly incarcerated workers, guest workers, restaurant workers, workers in right-to-work states, taxi drivers and workfare workers.

What they have in common is that all are excluded, either by complicit government policy or duplicitous employers, from the right to organize and bargain collectively for just treatment on the job. Instead of demanding that this right be extended to them as a legal matter, the coalition has elevated its demand to a moral level, reframing the right to organize as a fundamental human right that be longs to ev ery one and cannot be abrogated by law.

The human rights construct lets UWC members take their campaigns directly to the public, where their calls for justice resonate and get better support than they would inside a courtroom or legislative hall. After all, as the coalition notes, “The prob lems facing excluded workers are not theirs alone. The struggles they face — low wages, unstable employment and no labor protections to speak of — are the struggles of growing numbers of working class people in the United States.

With a dash of gumption and a sharp sense of old-time labor outrage, the “un-organizable” are organizing. Then, with no phony hang-ups about protecting “our turf,” these young insurgent groups recognized the obvious: By teaming up, they could, in their words, “leverage power and resources that would otherwise be impossible with one sector or alliance on their own.”

While that’s obvious, most progressive groups have seemed allergic to doing it, so there’s another lesson the young are teaching.

Also, UWC is reaching beyond our borders to strengthen their coalition. Knowing that New Deal labor law will not protect them and that relentless, low-wage globalization by multinational corporations won’t be stopped by appeals to corporate patriotism, the groups are forging global alliances with unions, students, human rights organizations and others. For example, they helped create a Wal-Mart Supply Chain Or-

JIM HIGHTOWER ganizing Committee that links to activists wherever Wal-Mart goes; UWC joined the Asia Floor Wage Alliance to help gain a minimum standard of pay for garment workers across Asia; the coalition organized a massive Global Day of Action against McDonald’s last year in more than 30 countries. Whether here at home or around the globe, UWC organizes its campaigns on the moral high ground of basic human rights.

Those who are wondering how we build a full-fledged Populist movement to contend with the overall rise of oligarchic corporate power in our country would be smart to go to school with the United Workers Congress (unitedworkers congress.org).

“The so-called debate over global warming is an illusion, a hoax conjured up by a handful of apostate scientists and a misguided and sometimes colluding media, aided and abetted by funding from fossil fuel companies and right wing foundations.”

– Geochemist James Lawrence Powell

Graduation It’s a proud moment...

or it’s supposed to be...

a launching pad to the American dream.

June, 2014

Meanwhile, grade school is no picnic either.

HUMOR TIMES

9

Cartertoons • www.cartertoons.com

•

by Jon Carter

Cartertoons • www.cartertoons.com

•

by Jon Carter

“We Report, You Decry!”

Headline News Section Aspiring to the High Standards Set by Cable News

Study: Guns Linked Hillary Clinton Asks Woman to Throw Second Shoe, Matching Handbag to Gun Violence Former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, as tackled by very large men and taken away.

People may kill people, but guns help, turns out According to the American Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms, and Explosives, a recent study revealed that, of all crimes com mit ted in the United States with a firearm, 100% of those crimes had guns involved.

everyone knows, had a shoe The press official went on thrown at her a little less than to say that if Ms. Ernst could a month ago at a meeting to go ahead and meet them at discuss recycling and waste the next scheduled speaking management in Las Vegas. event, she is free to throw the Apparently, though, it was rest of the ensemble in the all just a big misunderstandgen eral di rec tion of Mrs. ing.

Clinton (who will be ready Mrs. Clinton’s press team this time). released a statement yester“It actually wasn’t an athday expressing thanks to the letic shoe like ev ery one woman who gave her the thought,” the for mer first shoe and that the former first lady said. “It was a lovely lady absolutely loves it. grey and blue pump that According to witnesses at matches a dress I have.” the event, the shoe-lady, Hillary Clinton: “Is that all you got?”

By HT Senior Matching identified later as Alison Ernst, only had time to Outfit Correspondent, Jeff Boldt. give her the one shoe since she was immediately

Donald Trump: ‘Obama Worst Boy Scout Ever’ This new evidence, though inconclusive about the factors that lead to violence, clearly shows that firearms have a role in crimes related to firearms.

“We’re relieved, actually,” said one relieved chief of police. “We now have indisputable proof that shows the tens of thousands of people killed every year by bullets were shot by an ac tual weapon. We’re happy to know some sicko isn’t out there digging holes in people’s chests and planting bullets inside their bodies, because that would be disturbing.”

Though the reaction over the data has been varied due to variables in the data, and some are even calling the results into question with questions, most agree that this information is the kind of information that’s of the most informative kind and is sure to be useful if used.

By HT Senior Captain of the Obvious Correspondent, Jeff Boldt.

In his latest salvo directed at President Obama, Donald Trump accused the President of not walking ‘presidentially.’ And, after taking credit for the White House releasing the President’s Ha wai ian Birth Cer tif i cate, Don ald Trump still wants to see the President’s college transcripts.

Trump doesn’t plan on stopping there, as he is now demanding the President turn over the records from his days as a Boy Scout.

When asked if he had lost contact with reality, Trump harrumphed, “Excuse me, excuse me, but I have friends who have awesome kids who can cook a cordon bleu meal with just flint and spam and half a packet of Splenda and the family domestic helping only a little…”

When asked what he was talking about, Donald Trump interrupted, “Excuse me, Excuse me, I hear Obama was the worst camp fire maker and an awful camp fire song singer.”

When asked how he knew this, Trump grumbled, “Excuse me, have you ever seen the President lead a cabinet meeting in singing ‘Michael Row Your Boat?’”

“But…” When CBS’ Bob Schieffer started to ask another question, Trump cut him off: “Excuse me, in my opinion, it’s horrendous and

makes him the worst Boy Scout ever. Used to be Steven Hawking… That guy couldn’t build a camp fire but did give instructions on building a nuclear powered cooking range.”

When asked what the Pres ident could do to prove he was a good scout, Donald Trump answered: “Excuse me, let’s put it behind us, Mr. Presi dent, if that’s who you re ally are, and lead the next joint session Image from Freaking News. of Congress in a sing-a-long of ‘On Top Of Spaghetti’ and ‘She’ll Be Coming Around The Mountain.’ Now those are some real awesome campfire songs…”

The White House said in a prepared statement the President will not respond to Mr. Trump until he releases his own psychiatric records.

– HT The Donald Correspondent, Paul Lander.

Guy Who Gives Free Back Rubs Takes ‘Misogynist’ as Compliment Albert Grohper is a bit handsy.

According to a number of coworkers, though they live their lives surrounded everyday by the lines of cubicles, reports, graphs, itemized receipts, restrooms, and cafeterias, somehow the lines of social propriety evade Mr. Grohper.

“It’s getting out of control,” said Meredith Wen, a clerk that has the unfortunate position of occupying the cubicle next to Al. “I constantly have to find excuses to not be around whenever he gets up. People must think I have the bladder of a scared puppy. Oh God, here he comes.”

We approached Albert as he came near his cluttered desk and, after telling him we were doing a piece on the struggles of women in the workplace, we posed a few relevant questions to him.

“If they wanted us to take SEX-u al har-ASS-ment seriously,” Albert responded, with a cheeky grin. “Why call it that? I mean, come on. Think about it. The ladies are toying with us again.”

“I’ll never understand ‘em. They tell me to my face that I’m such a great massaginist, and then they go behind my back and report me to the boss for ‘unwanted touching.’ What the heck?”

At this, Meredith couldn’t help but roll her eyes in noticeable exasperation.

Albert caught us glancing and said, “You talk to Meredith already? Don’t bother, she’s gay.”

By Humor Times Senior ‘Good Hands’ Correspondent, Jeff Boldt.

Mud Boggin’ and BBQ at Bundy Ranch to Draw More Militia Tiger Mom: “Get into Harvard, then come Fun-loving militia invited to Bundy Ranch: ‘Fun for the whole family’ Contrary to news reports from several mainstream media outlets that the stand-off at the Cliven Bundy ranch was de volving into a free-for all, the mood at the ranch Friday was anything but tense.

Var i ous mi li tia groups were getting ready for a week end filled with all kinds of redneck sports, including mud boggin’, outhouse runs, BBQ cook-offs, and various other festivities centered around the large mud bog Bundy has created for his freedom defenders.

Federal officials today announced that the various redneck sports and cooking competitions at the embattled Bundy ranch in Bunkerville, Nevada could, in their words, “bring more crazies out in the open.”

Bureau of Land Management (BLM) director, Neil Kornze, today stated that he couldn’t be more pleased.

“We have to take credit for this ingenious idea,” said Kornze, who claims the BLM came up with the idea as a means to get as many fringe elements in one place at one time in order to tag them and keep track of their future movements.

Meanwhile, members of the Oath Keepers are having serious problems with the Three Percenters over who gets to go first in the mud boggin’ competition.

Steve McCurdle, ipso facto leader of the Oath Keepers-Bunkerville Battalion, claims that the OK’ers won the coin toss fair and square, but accused the Three Percenters of pulling rank on them, seeing as they were first on the scene when the BLM first converged on the Bundy ranch.

“One thing is for sure,” said McCurdle, “we’re gonna smoke ’em in the BBQ cook-off.”

McCurdle says it’ll be a barbecued beef brisket

12

competition, which, at the moment, is in great supply due to the number of heads of cattle presently being fenced in at the ranch.

McCurdle also commented on the reports that should a shoot out with feds occur, the militiamen would consider putting women on the front lines to show the world that the government is willing to shoot innocent women.

“Heck no, the reporters got that all wrong,” said McCurdle.

“We actually told reporters to show up Friday round noon for the girl-on-girl mud wrestlin’ matches we had planned for the day. If you knew us militia men, you’d know we’d never take advantage of our women by putting them in harm’s way. They’re way too important to us.”

In related news, reporters covering the debacle at the Cliven Bundy ranch are having a hard time deciding which great gunfight to liken it to.

On the one hand, they claim that Gunfight at the OK (Oath Keepers) Corral pretty much describes the mood at the ranch, with members of several militia drawing their guns on each other and daring the others to shoot.

However, someone suggested naming the standoff Bunker Ville, after the famous battle at Bunker Hill during the Revolutionary War, due to the growth of militiamen converging on the ranch to take part in the action.

However, neither of those battles had the kind of firepower seen at the Bundy ranch compound, i.e. automatic rifles, glocks, missile launchers, and even the mention of armed drones. But the message is loud and clear: “Don’t tread on our rights, or ours, or ours, or even ours,” depending on which militia group you’re talking to.

By HT Senior Embedded Militia Correspon-

tell me Happy F#%ing Mother’s Day” This mother’s day weekend, Yale Law Professor, Amy Chua, co-author of the well-known book, Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mom, released her new book, Tiger Mother’s Day, or, Everyday My Kid’s Not an Idiot, Waste of Space Day. The book drew a huge response online and quickly become the number one sought-after Mother’s Day gift from kids everywhere, especially guilt-ridden underachievers.

Mrs. Chua attempts to highlight aspects of an above average, extremely successful Mother’s Day (or Tiger Mom’s Day) and goes on to contend that this kind of day should be a regular occur rence, and not an an nual “make-upfor-my-failed-existence” kind of thing.

Here are just a couple of nuggets that she has used to help train her own children in understanding the difference: Mother’s Day: Knitted coffee mug warmer Tiger Mother’s Day: Knitted coffee mug warmer from home-raised, hand-picked cotton Mother’s Day: Roses Tiger Mother’s Day: Genetically altered flowers that withstand radiation “The idea for this book,” Mrs. Chua revealed, “started out many years ago when my youn gest daugh ter, Lulu (then age five), brought me a watercolor portrait of myself, and

I responded like any mother with standards should: “Is this art? If you call cheap underdeveloped Monet knockoffs art, t hen y es, I guess i t ’s Mother’s Day.” “And now, it seems things are re peat ing themselves.

Lulu told me t hat she had been accepted Tiger Mom with daughter, who’s into Yale, of all thinking, “The crap I have to put up with!” places, and I said, ‘Is that supposed to make me happy? Didn’t we learn this lesson twelve years ago?”

Mrs. Chua admits that this road isn’t easy and that many parents will encounter failure along the way. But she encourages them not to give up on their kids the same way they gave up on themselves and their own dreams.

“For all those wannabe tiger moms out there: Your kids don’t have to turn out like you. Buy my book and give yourself the Mother’s Day you deserve!”

By HT Senior Tiger Mom, Jeff Boldt.

Donald Sterling to Release Own Line of Grape Soda Having been banned from the NBA and fined $2.5 million dollars for making racist comments, there is still life left in the 80-year-old L.A. Clippers owner. Donald Sterling has announced that he will release his own line of grape soda.

“I supported them, gave them food, clothes,

HUMOR TIMES

and houses…might as well quench their thirst, too. Besides, if it makes me more money, then why not?” Sterling told the Humor Times.

“Who makes this drink? Do I make the drink or do they make the drink? Are there 30 soda companies, that created this drink?” Donald Sterling added.

Sterling hasn’t decided on what to name his new grape soda. However, word has it he’s leaning towards “So Black It’s Purple.”

By HT Senior Drinking Correspondent, Lee Mays.

June, 2014

Repubs The GOP strategy has been nothing if not consistent...

and they’ve taken it to a whole new level.

and ask the tough questions.

Republicans like to be prepared...

They are already in full campaign mode...

using everything at their disposal.

reminding everybody that he’s the smart one.

Meanwhile, Karl Rove is here to help...

June, 2014

HUMOR TIMES

13

The Dems Obama has delayed the pipeline decision again... saying there’s a certain information gap.

Economic indicators aren’t exactly ringing endorsements…

and the lame duck is feeling pushed aside.

The Clintons have been here before...

and know the path is fraught with peril...

but they also know the art of the spin.

14

Meanwhile, there’s Harry Reid.

HUMOR TIMES

June, 2014

Private Cabin Flying can be a real drag...

and people will go to great lengths to save on airfare.

The TSA is on the job, though...

and the airlines are cracking down.

“The best time you can have with your clothes on…But it’s just as funny nude.” – comedian Will Durst

Don’t Be Selfish!

Share the Fun with Friends &Relatives!

See subscri ption for m on page 3! • www.humortimes.com

June, 2014

HUMOR TIMES

15

Charged Up About Neutrality

Prayer Meeting

“Net neutrality” is about fairness...

The Supreme Court okayed prayer at gov’t meetings...

but that means different things to different people.

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so, pray things don’t get too weird.

The telecom companies say “trust us”...

Jesus himself was very clear on the subject...

but that’s probably not wise.

but some Christians seem to have forgotten.

HUMOR TIMES

June, 2014

Yellow Ribbon Blues

Health Scare

Veterans’ war stories are scarier than ever...

Obamacare has a downside, Republican governors say...

and it’s making them sick.

and despite their sacrifices, they’ve been dishonored.

V.A. leadership gone overboard...

Meanwhile, MERS has reared its ugly head in the U.S...

and as usual, it’s the soldiers who pay. and the vaccination controversy continues.

June, 2014

HUMOR TIMES

17

Miscellaneous Mischief

18

HUMOR TIMES

June, 2014

Come by before or after the game!

Vic’s Ice Cream Celebrate with the Best Ice Cream Around!

Vic’s ice Cream is a delicious homemade treat anytime! Enjoy any of dozens of fabulous flavors, including Fresh Peach & Fresh Banana Ice Cream, Fresh Boysenberry Sherbet and either the Fresh Strawberry Sherbet or Ice Cream!

And check out our homemade soups & sandwiches!

Manufacturing & serving quality products for over 50 years. Family owned & operated.

California Stage presents

Journey’s End To commemorate the 100th anniversary of “The War to End All Wars,” California Stage presents Journey’s End by RC Sherriff. This study in war abandons the notions of “war” that echo in hometown newsprint or the mouths of politicians, in favor of the War lived by those who fight -- a surreal Waiting for Godot with only cold lead and poison gas to look forward to. Directed by Mark Heckman.

Tickets! CalStage.org or 916-451-5822

California Stage in the R25 Arts Complex aa 25th & R St, Midtown • Easy free parking available • 916-451-5822

$20.00 General, $15.00 for seniors, military, students & SARTA members. $12.00 for groups of 6 or more.

Welcome to the

Coffee Garden 3199 Riverside Blvd.

448-0892

Also Available at: BURR'S FOUNTAIN

WILLIE’S

4920 Folsom Blvd.

Sacramento

5050 Arden Way Fair Oaks

Vic’s Café is now open next door!

3 Open Mic Thursdays – Music all year long 3 Check out our calendar at thecoffeegarden.com or on Facebook. Follow us on Twitter!

3 2nd Sat Art Shows at both locations 3 Yoga Classes at CG Gallery

and Coffee Garden Gallery Hours: 6am-11pm Mon-Sat • Sunday 7am-10pm • 916 457 5507 2904 Franklin Blvd • Gallery: 2900 Franklin Blvd • Sacramento

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