Humor Times, April 2015 (24th Anniversary Issue)

“If we are serious about peace, then we must work for it as ardently, seriously, continuously, carefully, and bravely as we now prepare for war.” – Wendell Berry Issue #279

April, 2015

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Rob Lautz Richard Winters

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April, 2015

Editor’s Letter We’ve been poking fun at the powers that be for nearly a quarter of a century now!

24 years ago, on April Fool’s Day (of course), we published our first issue. In it was a four page summary of the Gulf War, which was just concluding. The cover featured a cartoon by Joel Pett which conflated the two big issues of the day, as editorial cartoons often do, to comic effect: The Gulf War, then known as “Desert Storm,” and the Rodney King beating in L.A. that provoked terrible riots that spring.

(See graphic. A color image of the full cover is shown on page 23.)

The more things change, the more they stay the same, eh?

We’re still in Iraq and still fighting wars in the middle east, and with Ferguson, still rioting over race issues and police violence.

In fact, whenever I go over back issues of the Humor Times (available for purchase, email us at the address in the staff box below), originally titled the Comic Press News, I am struck by how persistent the issues are. You would think we could make more progress in a quarter of a century, but as we all know, there are very powerful forces that oppose change. Unfortunately, those forces, backed by the obscenely rich, seem to be getting stronger, not weaker. And whenever there are profits to be made with the status quo, you can bet change will be difficult.

But that’s no reason to quit trying. And the strong spirit and determination of people all over this country and the world fighting for progress should give us all hope.

Anyway, thanks for reading the Humor Times, and I hope you will share it with friends, and give subscriptions as gifts to everyone you know who appreciates political humor.

I’d also like to give a big shout out to our business backers, without whom we could not have published all these years. Please check out the ads in this issue and patronize these fine businesses!

As I said, April 1st is our official birthday. According to folklorist Jack Santino, “Explanations for the origins of April Fool's Day are many, and often as foolish as the day itself.” But there are two things we can say with some certainty about the origin of the day: the celebration is most likely a rite of spring; and it was well established by the middle of the 16th century.

So, like that enduring tradition, we hope to continue for many more years, and with your support, we will. And happy spring to you!

– James Israel Editor

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Happy 24th, Humor Times, You Young Whippersnapper!

We’re Celebrating Our 68th!

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The Humor Times® (ISSN 1937 299X), Vol. 24, Issue 279, is published monthly by the Humor Times, 3126 2nd Ave, Sacramento, CA 95817. Periodicals Postage Paid at Sacramento, CA and additional mailing offices. POSTMASTER: Send address changes to Humor Times, P.O. Box 162429, Sacramento, CA 95816-2429.

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April, 2015

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3

Return to Sender Republican senators wrote a letter...

4

and to say it was a distraction...

is putting it mildly.

The action may have emboldened the GOP...

to go where no congress has gone before...

and get their creative juices flowing.

Netanyahu made his speech to Congress...

where he said he hadn’t given up hope for peace. (continued)

HUMOR TIMES

April, 2015

It’s no wonder Bibi trusts the Republicans...

to destroy the relationship with Iran.

The prime minister is free to say what he thinks...

now that he has vanquished his foe.

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April, 2015

HUMOR TIMES

5

The ‘E’ in Email Stands for Evidence The country breathed a collective sigh of relief following Hillary Clinton’s masterful press conference last week, held in response to the controversy surrounding her email troubles. “It’s all fine. Don’t worry about it. We got it covered. Easy peasy lemon squeezy.”

It appears she might have used a personal email address while conducting government business, but only because she didn’t want to carry two Blackberrys after losing all that weight running around repeatedly saving the world as Secretary of State, thank you very much. Did everybody catch the part about saving the world? Repeatedly?

The former Hillary Diane Rodham also insisted that all the deleted private messages were silly and trivial, and concerned mostly with the planning of her daughter’s wedding, mother’s funeral and/or yoga routines. All 30,000 of them. Which either means she was organizing the world’s most complicated wedding and/or funeral, or was extremely determined to advance past Mountain Pose and Downward Dog. Another question is why aren’t all the fiscal hawks applauding the former junior senator from the state of New York for saving the government gobs of money by running her own server? Plus, her server that was never hacked, which is more than can be said for just about any other government agency including the Atomic Energy Commission, which is reputedly leakier than large bore sieves used as target practice for surface to air missiles.

Feeding further flabbergasting fuel to the fire was the source responsible for bringing these records discrepancies into open discussion, the hitherto unsuspected leader of that vast right-wing conspiracy: The New York Times. With friends like these, who needs the Koch Brothers?

Oh for crum’s sake, stop whining, people. If we’ve learned

anything during the age of the interwebs, it’s that nothing ever disappears. So if certain parties do decide to appoint certain Congressional committees that are Benghazi-obsessed to discover the emails’ content, they can go ask their good buddies Julian Assange, Edward Snowden or the NSA to dig deep and all will be revealed. Well, most. Some?

And, as it turns out, the former First Lady is not the only potential 2016 candidate to play these little reindeer games: Chris Christie, Marco Rubio, Scott Walker, Jeb Bush, not to mention Secretaries of State Colin Powell and Condoleezza Rice; all have admitted trying to slip the gnarly knob of government oversight by conducting business through private email accounts. It’s become such a boring predictable dance, Lady Gaga will probably write a song about it soon.

It’s always something with Billary: female or email. But no matter how often they’re attacked — Whitewater, Travelgate, Filegate, Vince Foster or a line of bimbos longer than Act 3 in Troilus and Cressida — they have a knack for survival not unlike political cockroaches. And that’s meant in a good way.

This could be one of those teachable moments we’ve heard so much about. As former San Francisco Mayor Willie Brown is wont to say “the ‘e’ in email stands for evidence.” Maybe we, the American public, can wrangle a compromise out of this. After elected President, we allow the present Mrs. Clinton to switch to an iPhone and in return the NSA guarantees that all photos of her in yoga pants will be suppressed in the interest of national security.

Up Is Down Best be advised to sit down, pour yourself a beer and take a deep breath. Because you’re about to hear something that will

WILL DURST

change your life. Forever. Are you relaxed? Good, because everything you know is wrong. Ain’t that always the way. Just when we think we have it all figured out, somebody comes along with information suggesting we’re so off the mark, we might have taken the neighbor’s car to work, slept with our cousin and brushed our teeth with kitchen cleanser.

You know who’s holding back the economy and the middle class? It’s those darn Democrats. Yes! And all this time we thought it was the Republicans. But, no! According to GOP leaders, they are the great defender of the common man, and the fact that they suck up to the rich like 1000 giant squid on the body of a beached whale is simply to infiltrate the belly of the beast. Conducting surveillance. What’s the price of liberty? Eternal vigilance. That’s right.

You see, like the Vichy Government, the Party of Lincoln is only pretending to be sycophantic leeches. Actually, every member of their caucus is a brave resistance fighter. Whose sole mission is to siphon the wealth from the top 1% and spread it to the rest of us currently hunkered down in the 99% trenches.

Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell recently regaled his troops with the urgent need to refocus on “the stagnant middle class.” Prompting the paranoid to worry that he may be after those last scraps mistakenly left for us to fight over. Could be a diversion whose real goal is to suck the bones clean. Like that Twilight Zone episode where the aliens arrive with a sacred tome called “To Serve Man” which is later revealed to be a cookbook.

But this change is not just one or two stalwarts who decided their future lies in middle class hands; it seems to be a retooling of the whole party. You’d think a memo had been passed up and down the rank ranks meant to blunt the Democrats’ major upcoming campaign issue. One can assume the memo was printed on Koch (rhymes with sock) Brothers stationery.

Before pulling out of his unannounced presidential run, even Mormon gazillionaire Mitt Romney claimed he was determined to help the working class. And when he called 47% of Amer i cans “moochers and malingerers” back in 2012, he meant that in a good way.

New dynastic hope Jeb Bush says the recession still rages on for 60% of America because Obama hasn’t done enough for the middle class. Totally neglecting to mention the very recession he’s referring to is the one created out of thin air by a close family member.

This whole “I know you are, but what am I” form of campaigning may prove to be the next big thing.

Perhaps Scott Walker will morph into a friend of the unions. Mike Huckabee goes to the mat defending the rights of Muslims, and Chris Christie announces he’s on a quest to end the scourge of type 2 diabetes, forever.

And since imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, nobody should be sur prised when Joe Biden champions tort reform, Elizabeth Warren authors a revolutionar y r e l ax at i on on bank i ng regulations and Hillary Clinton refers to the National Organization of Women as “a scrum of harpies.”

Will Durst is an award-winning, na tion ally ac claimed po lit i cal comic. Go to willdurst.com to find about about “BoomeRaging: From LSD to OMG,” info about the documentary film “3 Still Standing” and a calendar listing future personal appearances.

“America's leadership and prestige depend, not merely upon our unmatched material progress, riches and military strength, but on how we use our power in the interests of world peace and human betterment.”

– Dwight D. Eisenhower 6

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April, 2015

Media Follies TV is losing its most trusted newsman...

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April, 2015

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7

Secretly Serviced

Health Snare

There was a lot of excitement at the White House...

It’s hard to know what to believe anymore...

but it turned out to be just a bad parking job.

which is causing real trouble.

The Secret Service was all over it...

The Supremes are poised for action...

and just in time, too.

and they continue to give their all.

8

HUMOR TIMES

April, 2015

Dream Deferred The Selma anniversary showed how far we’ve come...

and how far we have yet to go...

though some jurisdictions do their best to cover it up.

Meanwhile, “boys will be boys”...

and so will some men.

Starbucks is taking a proactive approach...

which takes some getting used to...

April, 2015

and could cause misunderstandings.

HUMOR TIMES

9

The Hightower Lowdown Plutocratic Rule: See What the Supreme Court Hath Wrought Shouldn’t America have at least one major party that isn’t beholden to the corporate elite?

Well don’t look now, but such a party has recently popped up, raring to roar into the 2016 presidential race. Called the KBParty, it has the funding, political network and expertise needed to bypass the establishment’s control of the election system. But don’t rush to sign up: KB stands for Koch Brothers.

Yes, Charlie and David — the multimillionaire, far-out, right-wing industrial barons who already own several congress critters, governors, political think tanks, PR outfits, academics, astroturf campaign machines, front groups, etc. — now have the equivalent of their very own, private political party. And their party is not beholden to the corporate elite, since it is the elite. The Koch boys have rallied roughly 300 like-minded, superrich corporate oligarchs to their brotherhood of plutocrats, and this clique is intent on purchasing a president and congressional majority to impose their version of corporate rule over America.

Won’t that be awfully pricey, you ask? Ha — that’s not a question that acquisitive billionaires

ever ask. For starters, at a secretive retreat in January for KBParty funders, the 300 barons ponied up some $900 million for the campaign they are launching. That’s nearly $200 million more than the combined expenditures of the Republican and Democratic parties in last year’s elections, and it’s way more than either of those parties will have for 2016.

This means that, in our nation of 350 million people, a cabal of only 300 of America’s wealthiest, self-serving corporatists will wield predominate power over the elections. This tiny club will have the wherewithal to narrow the choice of candidates presented to the rest of us, the range of policy ideas that are proposed to voters, the overall tone of the campaign year, and — most important — the governing agenda of those who get elected.

The KBParty of Plutocratic Rule is brought to you by the Supreme Court’s disastrous Citizens United edict. After the Court’s 2010 democracy-mugging decree that corporations would henceforth be allowed to dump unlimited amounts of their shareholders’ money into our election campaigns, a guy named Larry sent a

hot email to me that perfectly summed up what had just been done to us: “Big money has plucked our eagle!”

The black-robed corporatists’ freakish Citizens United ruling has already let the KBParty amass their unprecedented electioneering fund, setting them up as the Godfathers of tea party Republicanism. Supposedly proud candidates for governor, Congress and even such presidential wannabes as Ted Cruz, Rand Paul, Marco Rubio and Scott Walker are shamelessly scurrying to the money throne to kiss the Koch ring, do a song & dance, grovel and pledge fealty to the brotherhood’s extremist plutocratic agenda.

But big money is plucking our eagle not only because it corrupts candidates but also because it is used to deny crucial information to voters and greatly diminish their participation in what has become a farce. First of all, the biggest chunk of cash spent by the KBParty will go right into a mind-boggling squall of television ads, none of which will explain who they’re for and why. Rather, they will be nauseatingly negative attack ads, brimming with optical trickery and outright lies to trash the candidates they’re against. Worse, voters will not even be informed that the garbage they’re watching is paid for by the Koch cabal, since another little favor the Supreme Court granted to the corporate plutocrats is that they can run secret campaigns, using their front groups as screens to keep voters from

JIM HIGHTOWER

knowing what special interests are behind the ads — and why.

We saw the impact of secret, unrestricted corporate money in last year’s midterm elections. It produced a blight of negativity, a failure of the system to address the people’s real needs, an upchuck factor that kept nearly two-thirds of the people from voting, and a rising alienation of the many from the political process and government owned by the few. The Koch machine spent about $400 million to get those results. This time, they’ll spend more than twice that.

To help ban the corporate cash that’s clogging America’s democratic process and killing our people’s right to self-government, go to DemocracyIsForPeople.org.

“We can have democracy in this country or we can have great wealth concentrated in the hands of a few, but we can’t have both.”

– Louis Brandeis, U.S. Supreme Court Justice, 1916-1939

A Rising Tide Lifts All Yachts Some people really have it rough...

but help is on the way.

Walmart workers will be earning more...

10

but it’s hardly enough.

HUMOR TIMES

April, 2015

The family of Caffé Italia presents

Congratulations, Humor Times, on your 24th Anniversary Issue!

May you have many more.

Dos Coyotes features: Fresh, Healthy Southwestern Cuisine Farm to Fork Seasonal Specials as well as our regular menu Open soon at R15 Sacramento Davis • Sacramento • Roseville • Folsom • Elk Grove Join Dos Coyotes on Facebook today! www.doscoyotes.com

Not to worry... so much is the same… except for the name!

g Celebratin rs a e Y 0 2 r e Ov ft ra C Brewing in rs Bee to!

Sacramen

The garden is growing and the seasons are changing and we’d like to introduce Yolo County to the Dancing Tomato Caffé; our next generation of restaurants. A fresh new look and menu is being rolled out this year... (we’re still cooking all of your Caffé Italia favorites).

Great Food, Awesome Beer, Cool People!

We’ll be introducing you to a whole bunch of “REAL GOOD, LOCAL FOOD” from farmers we know. You’ll meet our family of tomato characters that we’ve been growing in our creative garden, and now it's time to share with you. We’d like to thank you for 33 years here, as Caffé Italia.

Enjoy here with friends... or take us home!

We hope you join us in saying... “I eat at the Dancing Tomato Caffé… and I feel good from my head TO-MA-TOES.” We look forward to seeing you!

Tastefully, Kevin & Shar Katz

Celebrating 33 Years at the same location

Hoppy Hour 3pm-6pm daily and a late night Hoppy Hour every day!

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April, 2015

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Cartertoons • www.cartertoons.com

•

by Jon Carter

Cartertoons • www.cartertoons.com

•

by Jon Carter

Running Hot & Cold Denial is self-reinforcing...

and can mess with your head.

They claim the science isn’t settled...

but common sense is.

“The best time you can have with your clothes on…But it’s just as funny nude.” – comedian Will Durst

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April, 2015

“We Report, You Decry!”

PGA, NFL Swap Rules Move seen as good TV ratings strategy for both sports In a move that both parties say has secretly been in the making for over a year, the Professional Golfers’ Association of America (PGA) and the National Football League (NFL) issued a joint statement today defining plans to swap rules of player contact beginning next Fall.

The new rules will allow professional golfers to tackle and block on fairways and excessively celebrate on the tees and greens, while professional football players

PGA Commissioner Tim Finchem: “Everyone knows golf needs more action. Now we got it.”

will now be required to form “galleries” at the sidelines while one player at a time conducts a play.

“It’s been coming for a long time,” NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell stated at a joint news conference. “With all the rules restricting the most effective types of blocks and banning contact with the quarterback and so forth, we felt it was best to completely eliminate contact altogether so nobody ever gets hurt.”

The new NFL rules stipulate that the teams will form a “gallery” along both sidelines as one player at a time kicks, throws or runs the football down the field of play.

The number of attempts required to score a goal will be recorded, and the ball will then be turned over to the opposing team to score.

PGA Commissioner Tim Finchem said, “This is huge for the PGA. Our traditional fan base is paunchy, middle-aged males.

We think a little blood and a few broken bones will draw a lot of younger fans.”

Cleve land Browns Quar ter back Johnny Manziel called the announcement a ‘Godsend,’ while Detroit Lions defensive tackle Ndamukong Suh, whose full response cannot be printed, made several references to little girls and ‘sissy-boys’ and said that it “might be time to take the NFL to the parking lot man. F*** this.”

Reported by David Suter.

Headline News Section Aspiring to the High Standards Set by Cable News

Florida Seeks to Ban Clichés, Calls Them ‘Old Hat’ “We’re taking an ‘all hands on deck’ approach to ridding the state of clichés” After an employee of Florida’s environmen- anybody out there who would literally shed tal protection department was sentenced to sev- tears after knocking over a glass of two percent? enty lashes and a mental health evaluation for Re ly ing on such non sen si cal phrase ol ogy violating Governor Rick Scott’s ban on the shows a distinct inability to discuss anything terms “climate orig i nal. Clichés change” and are about as useful “global warming” as a lead balloon. in the workplace, Honestly, I could Sen. Clarence Wilgo on un til I’m liam “Wild Bill” blue in the face, but Nelson II called for I digress.” a widespread ban Nod di ng hi s on the use of needhead uncontrollaless clichés in his bly in agreement, state.

Shep Smith asked, F l o r i d a , a l so “Which cliché gets known as Amerunder your skin the ica’s answer to the Floridians have taken to wearing tape over their mouths, lest most, Bill?” twilight zone, has they be fined for saying something the Governor doesn’t like.

“For me, Shep, long been ridiculed, especially for its state it’s gotta be ‘selling like hotcakes.’ Let me state motto: “The Sunshine State: Please ask us about something for the record, hotcakes are not panour grandchildren.” cakes. They were popular in the 19th century, When asked about the proposed ban in an in- but so was incest. They were made from cornterview with Shepard Smith on Fox News, meal and cooked in pork lard — people in “Wild Bill” responded, “Clichés are just so god Florida are better than this.” damn annoying. Aside from being indicative of In addition to being particularly vulnerable lazy speaking and lazy writing, we rarely ever to the effects of climate change, as 80% of the use them correctly, and even when we do, they state’s residents live or work near the coasts, its rarely make sense. I am not an all talk, no action elderly population is also vulnerable to the kind of guy. My colleagues and I will adopt an threat of unintentional cliché usage, mainly beall-hands to the pump approach.” cause they grew up in an era where hotcake Seemingly unaware that he just used two sales were quite high, as were the rates of incest. clichés, Bill Nelson continued, “Most popular“If the ban is enforced,” said Shep Smith, ized metaphors are outdated. ‘Don’t cry over “Floridians may very well be up in arms.” spilled milk.’ I mean, come on, do you know Reported by John Glynn.

New Fad: iPhones Installed Directly in Head, Replacing Brains In the latest cool trend to hit the streets, masses of young people are getting their iPhones installed right in their heads, where their brains used to be.

The surgical operation, which only takes a few hours, but is costly, rewires a persons nerves to interact with the phone instead of the much weightier brain, which is removed.

One drawback: iPhone head-plugin users can be hard to reach, except by phone, of course.

Teens love it for obvious reasons: You can download songs directly to the ear, watch videos projected on the back of the eyeballs, and text friends by simply thinking of the words.

A major drawback reported by parents is that their children instead seem to turn into unthinking mental zombies. Their every movement seems mechanical and lifeless and they are entirely out of touch with the world outside themselves, much like people with iPhones today.

Another big problem is what to do when the battery of the iPhone runs down and needs to be replaced. We won’t go into the gory details.

Reported by Roger Freed.

Prince of Wales Addresses Congress: ‘Wish for Peace, Strenuously’ WASHINGTON — Searching for a world figure who more accurately embodies the spirit, ethos and intellectual excellence of America, to counterpoint the recent address to congress by Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu, Democratic leaders invited Britain’s Prince Charles to speak to Congress today.

The House Chamber was packed with three Senators, seven Congressmen and 525 staffers and teenage pages sent to fill the rest of the seats.

The Prince of Wales spoke through an interpreter to translate British into American. The Prince sounded as though he’d applied his Fixodent to the wrong side of his teeth.

Charles, who many political analysts often describe as looking like “a geometry problem with hair,” opened his address to Congress with what most reporters believe was a joke about an

American maid trying to make tea in a steam iron, which drew smiles and nods from the handful of people in the room who speak British.

Citing the “ties that bind” the Britain to America, Charles attacked “planetary badness” as the biggest problem facing world leaders today. “There are even now people out there fertilizing crops with chemicals, shooting animals from helicopters and feeding steroids to cows to fatten them,” he declared to no response. “Badness, all of it. We must join hands to stop this evil, these evils.”

In his address, Charles criticized the “American tendency to legislate international negotiations rather than let the head of state befuddle the porridge on his own, as other rich countries do.”

The Prince blatheresquely concluded, “It may certainly be possible for a better future to

one day take shape if we remember that together we can indeed promote peace by wishing for it.”

Assembled lawmakers and staff minions gave the British Heir Apparent a sitting ovation.

The White House issued a statement saying, “Experts are still studying the text to determine the Prince of Wales’ meaning.”

Reported by David Suter.

Innovation: Apple Announces Pocket Version of Digital Watch

GOP Congress to Banish ‘Scourge of Science’ Forever

‘Some people don’t like to wear things on their wrists’ – Apple CEO Tim Cook

A Humor Times Exclusive Report Canadians know what we’re talking about,” he Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell added, referring to the conservative government announced today that he is working with “dedi- of Stephen Harper, which has been shutting cated Congressmen” to abolish down research libraries and the “scourge of science from our burning books. shores forever.”

Sen. John Thune (R-SD) McConnell said the Senate and Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX), bill will be ready for a vote both recently-appointed chairs “within a couple days, by my of science com- mittees, are sundial,” and added that House working with McConnell to Speaker John Boehner should “free America, and eventually have the companion bill ready the world, from the shackles of “by the next full moon.” hi-tech gobbly-gook.”

The new bill comes on the “Look, we get it,” said Sen. heels of Bill HR 1422, the SciCruz, “people like their gadence Advisory Board Reform gets and all that ‘modern’ stuff, Congress’ Gutenberg press.

Act, which effectively prevents like cars, TVs and life-saving scientists from providing advice to the EPA. Of medicines. But what’s at stake here is far more course, corporate representatives are still al- important: the soul of America. You can’t serve lowed to lobby the EPA all they want. both God and geek, to paraphrase the Bible.”

“The American people are tired of being led “Like it says right here on the Young Earth around by the nose by these charlatans who call Wikipedia page,” said Sen. Thune, looking it up themselves ‘scientists,’” said McConnell. “The on his smart phone. “It’s only a theory that people need science. And guess who make up them ‘theories’ out of thin air? Scientists!”

The House and Senate are preparing for the “new golden age of non-science” by installing then finger-point thousands of candle oberas, lanterns and torches and bloviate proto light the halls of congress, and hiring female fusely. Go on a “fanners” to help keep them cool in the hot, hucou ple of tal k mid Washington summers. They are also installshows.

Ge t ing a brand-new Gutenberg printing press to Geraldo to ‘interview’ me while nodding sympathetically and pump out new bills, post-science.

“We plan to have a big ceremony once the making supportive noises. That sort of thing.”

“And that’s the way it is,” Bill O’Reilly bill passes, where we’ll all throw our computers wound up triumphantly, “if I may coin a phrase. and smart phones into a big pit,” said Sen. Cruz.

“It’ll be awesome, I’m setting up the event page Hey, I like that. I’ll use it on my show.” on Facebook right now!”

Reported by Michael Egan.

CUPERTINO, CA — Following the recent — for the one-percent market, 18 carat gold announcement of its new “Dick Tracy”-style studded with precious stones — the iPocket will wrist watch, Apple today released details of a also feature a small digital keyboard for texting, new companion timetyping in phone numpiece called the iPocket, bers, and other data-endesigned to be carried try functions. rather than worn.

To access the watch, “ R e se a r c h s h o ws owners pull on the chain that some individuals until it appears. After don’t like to wear things use it is returned to the on their wrists,” said pocket.

Ap ple spokes per son A s ke d how the Granny Smith, quoting iPocket is different from Cook Introduces iWatch companion, iPocket.

CEO Tim Cook. “So we the familiar iPhone that are releasing a slightly larger companion ver- almost every one uses, Ms Smith replied that sion of the Apple Watch without a strap. We’re they were “of course” completely dissimilar. calling it the iPocket because users will be able “The iPhone is a phone that is also a miniato carry it conveniently in a pocket or purse.” ture com put ing de vice,” she ex plained.

Granny Smith noted that the iPocket resem- “Whereas the iPocket is a small computer that bles the new iWatch in every way except for its also makes phone calls. Functionally, they’re as wrist band and slightly larger size. Housed in an different as Tim Cook and Steve Jobs.” elegant rectangular frame made of aluminum or Reported by Michael Egan.

O’Reilly Offers to Represent Brian Williams at NBC Hearing NEW YORK — Fox News host Bill O’Reilly offered to represent his “good old friend and professional colleague” Brian Williams at an NBC hearing next month. Williams was suspended from his news-anchor post after allegations that he lied about his experiences as an Iraq War correspondent.

O’Reilly stepped forward after questions about his own Falkland War reports were also raised. “Well of course it’s all just garbage,” the tall Irishman spun furiously on his “No Spin Zone” show, The O’Reilly Factor.

April, 2015

“It’s little more than a hit from the right. I should know, I sat in on all the meetings with Roger Ailes and Karl Rove when they planned it. That little squirt Hannity was also there.”

O’Reilly said the issue was really just a matter of semantics, arising from Williams’ shorthand use of “my helicopter was fired on.”

“Hey, give the guy a break. After all, isn’t truth the first casualty of war?” he asked.

“Now ,if I was ever accused,” O’Reilly added, “I’d immediately and repeatedly deny it, call it a liberal plot, denounce the far-left media,

HUMOR TIMES

15

Red Scare Republicans are insisting on transparency...

until their demands are met.

and refuse to approve the new Attorney General...

They keep harping on the same talking points...

but their act is getting old...

and stale.

Enter the Tea Party...

16

who like to think outside the box. (continued)

HUMOR TIMES

April, 2015

Repubs are gearing up for 2016...

but have lost a rising star.

Still, they have the Governor from Wisconsin...

who’s known as the ‘smart one.’

Sen. Ted Cruz has announced...

and is already a legend in his own mind.

But they all have to contend with royalty...

April, 2015

and so does America.

HUMOR TIMES

17

Singing the Blues Hillary seemed unbeatable...

until yet another scandal broke.

Democratic strategists are worried...

18

they may have set themselves up for a fall.

But Hillary insists everything is cool...

and that there is nothing to see...

which just reminds everyone of the old days...

and Republicans are not going to let it go. (continued)

HUMOR TIMES

April, 2015

Ms. Clinton wanted to spare investigators any trouble...

Still, it’s hard to imagine this could bring down...

but the GOP is determined to dig up something.

the woman who inherited the “Teflon” label from Reagan.

Yet, Biden is feeling the bump...

and supporters are still working on Warren.

Meanwhile, Obama is still the prez...

April, 2015

and what he says goes.

HUMOR TIMES

19

Miscellaneous Mischief

20

HUMOR TIMES

April, 2015

More Mischief

April, 2015

HUMOR TIMES

21

22

HUMOR TIMES

April, 2015

Parting Shots

On this occasion, as we celebrate the 24th Anniversary of the Humor Times, we present the very first issue cover from April, 1991 (then called the Comic Press News):

April, 2015

HUMOR TIMES

23

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