Humor Times, June 2015

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“Voters are supposed to choose their politicians. Gerrymandering lets politicians choose their voters.” – Andrew Prokop Issue #281

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June, 2015

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HUMOR TIMES

June, 2015


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In the Age of the Internet, it is very hard for cartoonists and writers to make money. Help ’em out a bit, won’t you? Thanks! Hello, Humor Times website and magazine readers! I have an announcement about an exciting new development at www.humortimes.com that we’ve instituted – an app that allows the reader to contribute directly to our talented (and mostly unpaid) contributors! (You can see the donation button in the right-hand column on the site, just below the first two ads.) In the Age of the Internet, it can be very hard to make money in creative pursuits. In ye olden days, people bought hard-copy newspapers and magazines, and publishers made plenty of money off the sales and the advertising. They were able to actually pay – imagine that! – their contributors: the writers, artists and photographers that supply the content. Yes, you’re holding one of those ever-rarer printed items right now, and if you are a subscriber, you make our world go ’round here at HT, thank you so much! Without you, we would be one of those thousands of publications that have bit the dust in recent years. Now, you might well ask, “Don’t you pay your website contributors, you f*cking cheapskates?” Fair question. And the answer is, our website makes next to nothing. The online ads bring in but a tiny trickle. That’s the state of the worldwide web these days. Don’t get me wrong, I love the internet. But publishers are still struggling with how to make a profit in the medium. Publications have folded by the thousands. Cartoonists, writers, reporters, editors, and on and on have been laid off by the tens of thousands. While we do pay for all the content in this print publication, we have many cartoonists and writers on the website who, however talented, must submit their work to various sites in the hopes of building a following and one day being able to make something at it. We’d love to pay them, but can’t. So, we’re stepping aside as the middle man, and allowing you to donate directly to the talent! When you click on the donation button, the name of the writer or artist on the page will be included with your donation. (We keep a cut to help pay the operating expenses of the website, but the majority of the funds go to the writers and artists.) Creative people will continue to be creative, out of a love of the craft. They can post their work on the internet for relatively little expense, and we’ve seen an explosion of blogs, cartoonists, photographers and video producers because of that. And that’s great. But hey, we’ve all got to put food on the table. Once again, that’s where you come in. I hope you’ll check out our new donation app and contribute often to your favorite writers and cartoonists at www.humortimes.com. So, please, give generously, and help support the creative efforts of our talented and dedicated contributors. Thank you very much! – James Israel, Editor

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The Humor Times® (ISSN 1937 299X), Vol. 24, Issue 281, is published monthly by the Humor Times, 3126 2nd Ave, Sacramento, CA 95817. Periodicals Postage Paid at Sacramento, CA and additional mailing offices. POSTMASTER: Send address changes to Humor Times, P.O. Box 162429, Sacramento, CA 95816-2429. Editor: James Israel. Publisher: Jim LeDoux. Email: info@humortimes.com. Phone: 916-455-1217. Printed by: Gold Country Printing, Auburn, CA 95603. Contributors: P. Beckert, Steve Benson, Jeff Boldt, Ruben Bolling, Chris Britt, Jon Carter, Paul Combs, Will Durst, Michael Egan, John Glynn, Walt Handelsman, Jim Hightower, David Horsey, Ben Krull, Paul Lander, Dick Locher, Chan Lowe, Mike Luckovich, Gary Markstein, Lee Mays, Jack Ohman, Dan Piraro, Marshall Ramsey, Rob Rogers, Jay Schiller & Greg Cravens, Harley Schwadron, Drew Sheneman, Scott Stantis, Dana Summers, Tom Toles, Roz Warren, Dan Wasserman and others. Contributions: Send artwork/submissions to address or email above. The Humor Times is available by subscription. It is printed on recycled paper, using 60% post-consumer fiber. All contents ©2015. No part may be reproduced without permission.

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HUMOR TIMES

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Uncivil Unrest Oh, Baltimore...

man, it’s hard, just to live.

The media let us know who’s at fault...

but it’s difficult to understand for both sides.

Obama has barred the selling of some military gear to police...

Even the FBI’s methods have been called into question...

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so alternatives for keeping the peace are being explored.

but some insist there is only one way to maintain order.

HUMOR TIMES

June, 2015


Shootout Whiteout

Sad Grads

Things can get over the top in Texas...

It’s graduation time again...

but somehow we missed this...

full of ceremonial pomp.

and never saw this, either, on TV.

Proud grads made it to the top of the heap...

and now set out on a voyage of potential. There is a solution, though.

June, 2015

HUMOR TIMES

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Top 11 Reasons Being POTUS is So Darn Cool As it appears we’re smack dab in the middle of the 2016 presidential campaign announcement season, this might be the perfect time to ask the question on every American’s lips: what kind of twisted psychopath chooses to do this? Who are these people that are so all fired up to enter this soul-sucking POTUS fray just to sit in an Office that is Oval? Masochists? Sadists? Sadomasochists? Masosadochists? Folks who didn’t pay attention during any previous election? As we ravenous hounds of the media descend like quadrennial locusts on the plucky pioneers making their early intentions known, the public is entitled to know what kind of flippo-unit willingly volunteers to sell their soul and ditch their family for the chance to become a human sound byte and eat crap food for 18 months. Who in their right mind would desire to be President? Aye, there’s the rub. The right mind part. Reinforcing a belief that anybody who wants to be president — shouldn’t be. Can’t be the power. Buffeted by the winds of domestic, foreign and intergalactic fate, a president is as effective as a weatherman in an outhouse hit by a tornado. Running for POTUS is an exercise in doomed futility. Like applying for the job of lion tamer knowing they’re going to take away your clothes, whip and chair, paint dashes around your neck, and hang a sign that says, “bite here.” It’s got to be the perks. In order to compensate for all this dismal malarkey, the fringe benefits must be pretty darn sweet. After intensive investigation, we here at Durstco have discovered the Top Eleven Reasons Why Being President is So Darn Cool. Why 11? Because it’s 10% funnier than 10, that’s why. 11. Not only are your driving days over, but you’ll never sweat a red light again. Don’t want to wear a seat belt? Don’t.

10. A cool $400,000 a year salary. About the same as a midlevel porn producer. Although, if Carly Fiorina or Hillary Clinton wins, we only have to pay them 77%, or $308,000. 9. From out of nowhere, mothers will hand you their babies. To do with what you will. 8. Your own 747. With in-flight refueling connections, ballistic missiles, evasive action capabilities and 19 televisions. 7. Everywhere you go, someone close will be carrying a football. 6. People pay attention to what you say. Your every syllable will be raked over like a beach near the crash site of a jet carrying the world’s largest shipment of blue diamonds. 5. Got a minor phobia about being late? Nothing will ever start without you again. 4. You want Lobster Thermidor at 3 am? You can have Lobster Thermidor at 3am. 3. Guaranteed to age into a stylish head of distinguished grey hair. Every president gets it. Obama looks like a snow-capped mountain pass. Thank God John McCain didn’t win in 2008. The guy started out a sarcophagus. By the end of his first term as POTUS, he would have looked like a rubber Yoda hand-puppet shriveled in the Arizona summer sun. 2. Extremely attentive health care. You don’t just have a doctor on call. He’s in the bullet-proof car behind you. 1. Your post presidential speaking fee just crossed into 7 figures. The Tsunami of Gender Transition For many, it was an apocryphal moment. One which will be remembered for a lifetime. Exactly where we were and what we

WILL DURST

were doing when Bruce Jenner shocked the world by going on television to announce that he is … a Republican. And oh yeah, the transgender thing was sort of a big deal too. A Republican. Can’t wait until Bruce tries to use the bathroom at the GOP National Convention next year and encounters a series of shoulders so cold, the resulting steam coming out of his ears freezes and tinkles onto the tile like glass icicles. Because he has made a lifestyle choice that most members of his chosen party liken to some sort of religious gender treason. Yet, the outrage over the decision to transition is not as widespread as it would have been just a few years ago. Proof that the future is a tsunami of change sweeping away yesterday’s static perceptions of community, relationships, sexuality and even granite kitchen counter top splash backs. First it was the Gay Pride Parade. Then the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender Parade. Won’t be long before Disney pays big bucks to sponsor the AWHPWTWTAISB Parade: Anybody Who Has Problems With the Whole Tab A Into Slot B Parade. And that, my friends, is a parade we can all walk in. Facebook now offers 51 categories under the heading of “gender choice” and it could easily be 51,000, but that would mean filling out forms would become our national pastime. 7.1 billion may be the world’s population but the real number of sexual preferences is probably north of 9 billion, because face it, some of us are little piggies and would demand more than one. Sex is as complicated as a tangled spaghetti fuse, with desire and romance all intertwined. Or not. And it doesn’t matter if you think it’s trite or cliche, it is true – each and every one of us is a PRECIOUS FRICKIN SNOWFLAKE. Your needs are yours alone. Does n’t mat ter if you iden tify as FTM or MTF or GBH or LSMFT or WYSIWYG or MGM. Ars Gratia Artis. To be accurate, secondary filters need to separate prudes from exhibitionists and the squeamish and the gross and tentatives and precisionists and leapers and crawlers and the noisy and the mute. And don’t forget the short, taut and distracted. And the plush who require air-con di tion ing to keep from mak ing their own gravy. Individual appeal has as much to do with chromosomes as ballet slippers have to do with transmission repair. Nobody can explain att r ac t i on. Al t hough throughout history, rich and good-looking has never hurt. More evolved folks keep a constant prowl for a glimmer of generosity. A soupcon of compassion. And whether the prospective mate sufficiently hates the Dodgers. No more can we assume that sex and gen der and physical sexual characteristics are the same thing. Once you’ve seen the rain bow, you can never go back to black and white. We’re not in Kansas anymore, Dot. Tomorrow is going to be broadcast in a million colors. A lot of them nicely puce. But for those of you desper ately seek ing la bels, here’s a goodie. If the object of your affection picks you up in a car, and reaches over to unlock the passenger door before you try the handle, slap a sticker on their forehead that says … ”Certified Keeper.” Wi l l Durst i s a n award-winning, nationally acclaimed political comic. Go to willdurst .com for info about the documentary film, “3 Still Standing” and calendar listings. Read more at humortimes.com.

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HUMOR TIMES

June, 2015


Trickle Up Things are tough all over...

but corporate America is here to help...

as long as we don’t hem them in.

We hear lots of talk in Congress...

but we’re getting nowhere fast.

Meanwhile, the American Dream is in danger of sinking...

and Obama’s solution is a bad trade deal...

June, 2015

that he can’t even get his own party to support.

HUMOR TIMES

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Old School Media

Social Media

An iconic drama is off the air...

Social media can be addicting...

as well as an iconic talk show host.

and contentious.

Mr. Family Values has been embarrassed...

People love the new hi-tech goodies...

but cable news is still going strong.

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and even the prez has gotten into the act.

HUMOR TIMES

June, 2015


The Hightower Lowdown Silence is Not Always Golden: The Climaticus Non-vocalism Extremism Syndrome It’s well-known that harsh climate conditions can mess with your mind — from cabin fever to heat delirium. But America is now experiencing an even more dangerous mind-numbing disease called Climaticus Non-vocalism Extremism. Oddly, CNE Syndrome almost exclusively afflicts a narrow segment of our population: Republican political officials and candidates. Scientific studies suggest that CNE Syndrome might stem from a genetic defect, but scientists say more research is needed on that. The symptoms, however, are uniform and include an obsessive impulse by GOP politicos to deny that human-caused climate change is happening. It’s often accompanied by a feverish insistence that government employees be banned from studying it, discussing it or even uttering such phrases as “climate change” and “global warming.” Hard to believe? For an example of the mind-altering impact of Climaticus Non-vocalism Extremism, look at Gov. Scott Walker‘s Wisconsin administration. The Koch-funded governor and Republican presidential wannabe is an ardent climate-change denier — but the

state’s public lands board has escalated his denial to Orwellian censorship. The two GOP commissioners on the three-member board, which oversees the ecological health of thousands of acres of Wisconsin forestlands, have banned agency employees from even considering damage caused by climate change. Worse, they have such severe cases of CNE Syndrome that they’ve imposed a gag order on freedom of speech by public lands employees, prohibiting them from even talking about climate change while on the job. The heartbreak of CNE is that its victims even deny that they’re in denial about the disease. Thus, the Wisconsin duo say that their no-speech rule is not censorship, because employees are still free to talk about climate change at home — or even chit-chat about it “by the water cooler,” just as they might talk about sports. Gov. Walker — who wants to be your president — says that he finds that censorship perfectly reasonable. But it’s not just Wisconsin that has imposed such ridiculous levels of science-denial and cen-

sorship. This begs the question: If a state government issues a right-wing political order, but it’s not written down, does it make a sound? Let’s ask Florida. Bart Bibler, a re spected em ployee of Florida’s Department of Environmental Protection, says you betcha it makes a sound — even though the order directed at state employees like him was meant to enforce the sound of silence. Since Rick Scott became governor of the Sunshine State, various agencies run by his appointees have issued 1984-style newspeak decrees that “cli mate change,” “global warm ing,” “sustainability” and other terms related to Earth’s looming climate disaster are verboten. Unaware of this censorship edict, Bibler inno cently blurted out the phrase “cli mate change” in a February teleconference. To his amazement, his breach of ideological correctness earned him an official letter of reprimand, a two-day suspension without pay, and — get this — an order to undergo a doctor’s evaluation to verify his mental “fitness for duty.” When outrage over this blunt attempt to banish the idea of climate change spread across the country, the governor and his appointees doubled-down on Orwellian denial: “It’s not true,” said the slippery Scott, insisting that no such gag policy exists. By “exist,” though, he means his dictate is not written down. As many employees have confirmed, however, state officials ver-

JIM HIGHTOWER

bally impose their policy of outlawing the language of climate change. The official taboo is so extreme that even a phrase as benign and factual as “sea-level rise” is banned. Instead, Scott’s team has mandated that this measurable (and alarming) reality be referred to as “nuisance flooding.” It’s their mental fitness that needs to be evaluated! Trying to ban words only amplifies their sound, meaning and impact — while also exposing how pathetically scared and stupid the censors are. “If it turns out that cities like L.A. and San Francisco can raise the minimum wage by fifty per cent or sixty per cent without suffering big losses in employment, the old argument that higher minimum wages are job killers will be much harder to sustain. And that would change American politics in a very significant way, greatly expanding the range of possibilities it could encompass.” – John Cassidy, The New Yorker, 5/21/15

Religiosity Bruce Jenner let it all hang out...

and many say it’s an abomination.

But it’s a matter of perspective...

June, 2015

and as time marches on, things change.

HUMOR TIMES

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Cartertoons • www.cartertoons.com

by Jon Carter


Cartertoons • www.cartertoons.com

by Jon Carter


“We Report, You Decry!” America in Danger of Facing Internet Outrage Shortage The internet is a great tool for people to express a range of opinions. Sometimes those opinions are strong enough to warrant spirited debate. But now those strong opinions and spirited debates are in serious danger of being depleted.

“America has been the world leader in frivolous internet outrage for quite some time,” said noted physicist Dr. Windy Lest. “Unless we as a nation find alternative reasons for outrage, we are in serious danger of depleting our supply.” The United States had a surplus of outrage during the 1990s. But, during George W. Bush‘s presidency, that outrage was being used up at an alarming rate. It all started in 2004 during the height of social media site MySpace’s popularity. An anonymous poster going by the handle of “HornyHungDude69" posted “No more blood for oil!” as a status on the site, spark ing the first wide spread dis play internet outrage. Several cities even reported internet blackouts. “If people would just lower their internet outrage usage by as little as two percent, America’s outrage would be replenished and could be used for something useful, until the next person gets offended by something on the internet,” Lest said. Un til that hap pens, Lest sug gests some rather controversial options, like staying off social media for awhile, going outside and getting a life, being happy with what you have, and ceasing to live vicariously through the lives of vapid celebrities. “But we know Americans ain’t doing that shit,” said the professor. Reported by Lee Mays.

Headline News Section Aspiring to the High Standards Set by Cable News

Ted Cruz Threatens to Filibuster Own Marriage to Protest Equality Issue Potential Republican presidential candidate this as an effective strategy. and still Canadian Sen. Ted Cruz (R-TX) conAlthough many politicians make promises tinued his opposition to marriage equality today that they never expect to keep, Mr. Cruz appears by commit ting to show to be very serious in keepvoters the “true cost” of ing this one. In fact, his the highly expected supicture has been linked to preme court ruling. sev eral dat ing websites With the ex pand ing that cater to married men field of potential republilooking for young sexy can can di dates for the women for casual encounparty presidential nominaters, us ing the han dle tion, it becomes essential “CruzIsCruising.” for each candidate to find On Ashle y madiso n the most extreme position .com, his listing states that possible and stake it out as he is looking for a “reli“You want it, you got it,” promised presiden- gious/con ser va tive/subtheir own. tial hopeful Ted Cruz. Never one to shy away mis sive/anal re cep tive from exploiting a controversy for personal gain, female.” the part-time senator from Texas has deterThe Canadian immigrant’s wife, Heidi, did mined that he must do it in an extremely shock- not seem concerned with the reports. She has ing way to prove his point: he says gay marriage stated that they don’t matter, as long as he conwill force him to dissolve his own marriage and tinues to provide health care coverage. family. “He promised that we wouldn’t become just “Yes, you got that right, I will filibuster my another Texas family hitting the emergency own marriage,” Cruz said in his announcement. room for headaches, and I trust him,” said Although it is a radical concept to sacrifice Heidi. She also reminded us that this situation what is one of the staples of Republican cam- was not as troubling as when he used to drag out paigns – family photo-ops – obvious common the sling at parties early in their marriage. sense has not deterred Sen. Cruz from seeing Reported by Mike Kelly.

Area Man Reports Woman Missing; She’s Really Just Avoiding Him “This just isn’t like her” – insists local Paul Arkwright ALBANY, NY – Pacing through the police station in distress, local area man Paul Arkwright has reported a woman missing. A f t e r a s k i n g t o t a l s t r a ng e r, S a r a h Kendrickson, to borrow her phone at a local Barnes & Noble, Arkwright reportedly used it to text himself “Sup” in order to get her number. Hours later, h e c l a i ms t o have texted Kendrickson, “Hey who is this — Is this Sarah from Barnes and Noble? I think I love you,” and he has yet to hear from her. “I’m so worried,” he explained “I don’t get it, she should’ve responded by now. This isn’t like her.” Arkwright showed detectives the conversation containing an embarrassing wall of texts that had yet to garner a response. Law enforcement officials have yet to break the news that he is a creeper and should totally stop doing stuff like that. Reported by Joey Long.

Google Becomes Main Source of Knowledge in Universe; God Steps Down Accumulating a huge mass of knowledge in its 17 years of existence, the internet giant Google has officially made itself the greatest source of knowledge in the entire universe, surpassing even that of Douglas Adam’s giant planet computer in Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy, and God Himself. In a surprising move as a result of this development, God has stepped down as the Supreme Force of the Universe. Speculation has it that the Almighty found it humiliating that a development from the humans He Himself had created would outdo Him in the knowledge game. Executives over at Google have issued a reserved press statement stating that “…while we are pleased that we are now the recognized authority on information from end to end in the universe, we are sorry to hear of the departing of God, who we have always respected and admired, even though most of us are agnostics.” Cir cu lat ing ru mors have it that all the higher-ups at the firm are actually going around

high-fiving each other and shouting “We beat God Himself” and “We are God!” and toasting themselves silly with champagne, although they have been known in the past to do this for lesser reasons as well.

Since there is no God above them anymore, Google is also reportedly dropping their “Don’t Be Evil” slogan. “Who needs it anymore?” said one techy, “it was only their to hold the Almighty off for a while anyway.” News cast ers Brian Wil liams and Bill

O’Reilly now claim to have had an exclusive interview with God, in which He stated that He will be taking time now to write His autobiography, which some have estimated will likely be the size of an entire solar system. ABC News is checking into the validity of William’s claims, while FOX News is making it their banner headline of the month. Concern is growing not only on Earth, but on other inhabited planets throughout the galaxies, that turmoil and anarchy will descend upon all civilizations once the Supreme Being steps down. Some are even speculating that this could be the forewarned “Armageddon” descending upon us. A reliable secret source stated that, “God no longer cares what mankind does with their world. He has been the big babysitter in the sky for way too long now, and no longer cares if man blows himself out of existence and burns the whole schlemiel to cinders.” Watch here for updates as the story develops. Reported by Roger Freed.

New Cable TV Show “Older” Answers “Younger”

Pope to Jesus: Now Would Be Good Time to Come Again

Given the enormous success of the new cable peri-menopausal symptoms and the names of TV show “Younger,” industry copycats are 80’s bands. busily trying to work on variations on its theme. When her new 40-something friends at the One of these new seof fic e re ma rk on he r ries that has just been pursmooth, crow’s feet-free chased by a cable network skin, she confesses to a seis called “Older.” cret formula night cream Twenty-three year old given to her by a shaman Britanny can’t land a job when she was a Peace better than a “gofer” deCorps vol un teer in her spite her business degree, twenties. so she decides to pump up They beg her for samher resume and her age. ples, so she mixes the conShe researches the most Younger: not a ripoff of Friends, no, not a bit. tents of her med i cine popular names for the 40-something crowd and cabinet into a gooey liquid, adds shavings from becomes Jennifer Michelle, age 43. sage incense to fit with her Native American New Jennifer’s cool forty-year-old single story, and bottles it for her friends. The only aunt, also named Jennifer, lets her use a thing she is not willing to let go from her twenpared-down version of her resume in case they ties’ life is her twenty-five-year old boyfriend, check, and voila, she lands a job as a marketing who she talks into calling her a “cougar.” exec. Watch for new cable TV shows to take off on Episodes find Jennifer adding a few gray the “Older” theme – maybe something featuring highlights, ripping off clothes for work from her twenty-somethings. mom’s closet, and searching the internet for Reported by Diane de Anda.

Pontif posts messages to Jesus on Facebook and Twitter

Congress Raises Birth Age to Five

challenge the legislation in court. “It’s bad policy and bad law. Studies have shown that people who don’t get strained peas as a baby will most likely never taste a pea in their life, not to mention kumquats, beets and spaghetti pudding.” Public reaction has been mixed. Many question what the new law says about children currently between the ages of zero and five. “Eight months too late,” one new father said, speaking to reporters at 3:00AM with a baby screaming in the background. “That’s the problem with this Congress; they debate and debate and debate until someone’s life gets ruined.” Reported by David Suter.

WASHINGTON – Congress passed bipartisan legislation today, raising the birth age in the United States to five. The President is expected to sign the bill into law later in the week. Babies will now be required to begin life weaned, potty trained and ready for kindergarten, a cost saving measure lawmakers insist will help fund the President’s Affordable Care Act. President Obama called the bill a milestone in health care, saying, “This legislation ushers in a new era in the affordability of health care.” Sen. Lamar Alexander said the measure does

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not go far enough: “We wanted to see a birth age of twenty-one, but ex perts claim it’s impossible. I don’t understand the science there because I’m not a woman, men have plenty of endurance, but until we work that out five years is a good place Diaper industry may be affected. to start.” Di ane Pulver, Se nior Vice Presi dent of Gerber Products, North America, promised to

VATICAN CITY — Pope Francis today appealed to Jesus Christ to expedite His second coming “before there is no world for You to come again to, Sir!” He added that it would “probably help” if Je sus also brought along Abraham, Moses and Mohamed, “so as to speak to their constituencies as well.” The Pope’s message was posted on all available social media, including Facebook and Twit ter. Reddit and Tumblr said they had to temporarily suspend access because of the sudden volume of traffic following news of the announcement. “Dear Lord Jesus, Hu manity’s Messiah, Only Son of God, Omnipotent Author of the Universe and Primum Mobile of all Things,” the Pope’s mes sage be gins, ac com pa nied on

HUMOR TIMES

Facebook by the sound of angelic choirs. The text is interspersed with pictures of misty landscapes, images of the earth taken from outer space, and several world masterpieces including The Last Supper and Michelangelo’s Pieta. “You ar e sur el y aware, Sir,” the papal text continues, “that all is not well in this little world you pro fess to love so much. Excuse me for speaking bluntly, but un less you take some responsibility for this bloody mess and come again, like yesterday, you better put in more mansions in your Father’s house. The neighborhood is going to get seriously crowded soon.” The pres ence of Abra ham, Mo ses and Mohamed “would be a definite plus,” Francis said, “while if God the Father would Himself participate, then all humanity would see that He really does love the world enough to put in couple of hours to save it.” “After all,” the Pope observed, “that can’t be as distressing as having you crucified a second time. However, if that’s what it takes, would you be willing to go again? Send me a Tweet.” The papal message ends with the simple observation that unless the heavens open soon, and Jesus Christ, Moses and Mohamed magically ap pear to save us, “humanity is seri ously fucked. Sincerely, The Pope.” Reported by Michael Egan.

June, 2015


Environment Shell Oil wants to drill in the Arctic...

because, what could go wrong?

but the forecast does not look good. Climate deniers continue to fight to the death...

The world is changing rapidly...

but some things remain quite predictable.

and the earth doesn’t seem to have a prayer. Oil companies are thirsty for new fossil fuel sources...

June, 2015

HUMOR TIMES

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Game of Thrones: On the Left The Clintons are having a hard time being heard...

as their latest scandal comes to light...

but Bill hopes to take some heat off his wife.

Meanwhile, Hillary has other issues (to avoid).

Out of far left field comes a challenger...

whose reputation precedes him.

Ms. Clinton seems unimpressed...

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But Mr. Sanders is determined.

HUMOR TIMES

June, 2015


Game of Thrones: On the Right Jeb Bush would like to follow his brother’s act...

but he’ll have to convince the bosses...

Besides, God may have other plans.

who have a lot of options.

Jeb’s biggest problem won’t be easy to overcome...

no matter who his family is.

and get back to business as usual.

But Repubs feel they can easily defeat Clinton...

June, 2015

HUMOR TIMES

15


ISIS ISIS has proven adept at recruiting...

and they say they have a lot to offer.

and figured their job was done.

The U.S. spent a decade training the Iraq army...

Jeanette Midori Okazaki, DDS, Inc. • (916) 329-3400 2525 K Street, Suite 305, Sacramento • Most insurance plans accepted www.dentalandholistichealth.com

Family Dentistry with Tender Loving Care. Traditional dentistry with holistic options offered in a warm, caring environment. Acupuncture • Mercury Free • Cerec Crowns Mercury Separators • GREEN Dentistry Acupuncture is offered for relaxation, anesthesia, pain control and healing. Holistic Resource Referral In keeping with holistic philosophy, we begin each day with our Healing Circle. We do conscious breath-work, meditation and affirmations for our patients and ourselves to create healing, transformation and peace on our planet.

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HUMOR TIMES

June, 2015


Not Very Sporting

Bipartisan

The NFL took a tough stand...

The ultimate contest has begun...

but Brady is unrepentant... and both sides must answer the bell.

and the investigation is ongoing. The prospects are frightening...

Meanwhile, the Orioles had to shut out fans for a day. and so is campaign ad season.

June, 2015

HUMOR TIMES

17


Miscellaneous Mischief

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HUMOR TIMES

June, 2015


June, 2015

HUMOR TIMES

19


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