Humor Times, March 2016

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March, 2016

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HUMOR TIMES

March, 2016

Editor’s Letter No one can say that these guys don’t have balls. But they don’t seem to have any brains, since they can’t understand the simplest things in the Constitution.

Yes, aiming for the stars, Republican obstructionism has reached new heights! With the insistence that the President should not nominate a replacement for the deceased Justice Scalia on the Supreme Court, the party of “no” has set a new bar for itself.

Incredibly, the Majority Speaker, Mr Mitch McConnell, claims that there’s a “tradition” of not nominating a replacement justice when a president is in his final year of office. Except, there isn’t.

In fact, it’s been done, not once, not twice, not eight or nine, nor just ten times – but thirteen times before.

McConnell says “the American people should have a voice in the selection of their next Supreme Court Justice.” Well, yeah, they should, and they do – and they elected Mr Obama twice – knowing full well a seat was likely to open up on the Court. It was a major topic of discussion, especially during the last presidential election cycle.

Hell, McConnell himself voted to confirm a Supreme Court nominee in 1988, when it was Republican president Ronald Reagan’s final year in office. Can you say “hypocrite”? I knew you could!

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Anyway, on to lighter news: The Humor Times 25th Anniversary Issue is coming out, next month! And a celebration has been set: It will be at Laughs Unlimited in old town Sacramento, Wednesday, April 13th, 7-9pm! Mark your calendar, or better yet, get your advance tickets online NOW! (The link is up at www.umortimes.com.)

The event stars our old pal and longtime Humor Times columnist, nationally touring political comedian Will Durst! He’s a five-time Emmy nominee who has appeared on national TV numerous times through the years and co-stars in the documentary 3 Still Standing. And we’ll have him all to ourselves this April, so don’t miss it!

We will open with “A Short History of the Humor Times” slide show, featuring the best cartoons and HT covers through the years, as well as some little-known historical tidbits about the magazine. So get there early!

Please share the news with everyone you know. (An easy way to do that on social media is to go to the article about the event on www.umortimes.com, and hit the share buttons.) See you there!

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March, 2016

HUMOR TIMES

3

Election Protection Needed It’s a presidential election year...

and voters are pissed.

They feel buried...

by the lies...

and they want out.

and even the powers that be wish it were.

4

Sometimes, it’s stranger than fiction...

Meanwhile, for some, it’s like going down the rabbit hole.

HUMOR TIMES

March, 2016

Vacancy Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia died...

and with his seat still warm, the fighting commenced.

Obama thought he knew what needed to be done...

but little did he know.

and it looks a lot like what they’ve always done.

Scalia would’ve approved of the Republicans’ action...

So, let’s just wait for someone with the right stuff.

Besides, no one is too anxious to get in front of that bunch.

March, 2016

HUMOR TIMES

5

FAQs: Scalia’s Replacement Q. Has the issue of Justice Antonin Scalia’s replacement on the Supreme Court turned a mite political?

A. You could say that. You could also say that flight simulation wind-tunnels are tough on comb-overs.

Q. How long after the first Italian U.S. Supreme Court Justice’s death did it take to get ugly?

A. Within minutes of the discovery of the body, Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell vowed to keep the seat vacant until after the November presidential election. It probably took longer for a family of five to order dessert at Applebee’s.

Q. Is he alone?

A. No, every Republican in North America echoed his sentiments, especially the six remaining GOP presidential candidates who see this as a big red flag to wave at supporters. And since unemployment is below 5% percent and gas around $2 a gallon, they can use all the issues they can get.

Q. What about the Democrats?

A. Same thing, only different. Both Bernie Sanders and Hillary Clinton want President Obama to immediately nominate someone they can use to rally the base, preferably a single-mother lesbian Hispanic with a limp and agoraphobia.

Q. So we’re playing hardball here.

A. We sidled way past hardball in 2009. This is 9-inch steel ball-bearing ball.

Q. What is the make-up of the remaining court?

A. One justice appointed by Reagan, one by George H. Walker Bush, two by George W. Bush, two by Clinton and two by Obama. Four Republicans and four Democrats. Five are Roman Catholics and three are Jewish. Although most decisions will depend on which side of the bed Anthony Kennedy wakes up.

Q. What was McConnell’s rationale?

A. To let the people decide which way the court swings with their choice of president.

Q. Didn’t the people already decide when they voted for Obama the last two elections?

A. When Democrats speak, Mitch McConnell doesn’t hear well.

Q. Does this mean a presidential term lasts only three years?

A. Not only that, once this precedent is set, the next Senate could embargo midterm years as well. Then the months of May through August could be off limits, since Congress is in recess.

Eventually, a commander-in-chief might only allowed to nominate a Supreme Court replacement on a Wednesday in the third week of September of odd numbered years.

Q. Can the court function with only eight members?

A. Yes. They’ve done it before. In 1790 they started out with six and each decision required a two-thirds majority, which today would make agreeing on a lunch schedule difficult.

Q. Isn’t Scalia the guy who said, “The only good Constitution is a dead Constitution?”

A. You nailed it. The irony is this strict originalist would be appalled at his death being used for political purposes. Ain’t life odd?

Q. I’ll ask the questions. If Republicans stymie another Obama nominee, will it be viewed as more obstructionism?

A. Hasn’t hurt them so far. Of course a series of 4-4 ties would focus attention on the vacancy like blood on snow.

Q. Could Obama nominate himself?

A. Yeah. That’s what Republicans want. HIM shaping law in a lifetime appointment. That and scorpions duct-taped to their underwear.

Q. Might this lead to a further breakdown in bipartisan rela-

WILL DURST

tions?

A. As my daddy used to say, “Can’t kill what’s already dead.”

New Hampshire is for Losers Once again New Hampshire has demonstrated it is as different from the rest of the country as the Himalayan Mountains are from Jack in the Box seasoned curly fries. Like green sand and aluminum crockpots. As Dorothy almost said after being whisked away by a tornado, “we’re not in Iowa anymore, Toto.”

While the Hawkeye State focused on winners, just eight short days later, the New Hampshire Primary was all about the losing.

They don’t call it the elephant graveyard of presidential aspirations for nothing. Where marginal, delusional and occasional candidates go to die. And to infer there was plenty of political demise this time around is like insinuating that New Orleans on Mardi Gras… bustles.

In fact, the Granite State was strewn with loser debris so deep, on the way to the airport, the media had to put on galoshes to keep from stepping in the gooey remains of the various presidential campaign meltdowns. Some of which still steamed.

More losers than the Carolina Panthers’ rooting section at the Caesars Palace sports bar. Full of the same quiet sobbing as a “Divorced Husbands of Supermodels Support Group” smoking section.

Carly Fiorina was such a huge loser, she up and quit. You could say she aborted her own campaign. And has video of it kicking and screaming and this time knows where you can find a copy.

Chris Christie disproved that whole “too big to fail” theory by also waddling down the walk of shame. Because as Vince Lombardi fa mously told us, “quitters never win and winners never quit.” And waddlers never fly and flies never waddle. And headcheese is much better when bro ken into its component parts than taken as a whole.

But Governor Christie did com plete his self-ap pointed task of riding Marco Rubio into the walls so hard it made both their heads spin. Some experts sur mise that Rubio’s de bate glitch was due to being so close to magnetic north and his programming should be back to normal once safely ensconced in bowels of the South.

And Donald Trump must be counted as a loser, because he has to stare into the mirror 90 minutes every morning to construct that hair.

Ben Carson lost, because he came in eighth or twelfth yet continues to stump and nobody cares, but neither do they have the heart to tell him, making him… loser squared. John Kasich came in second, still making him a medium- sized loser because now he is required to slog down to South Carolina.

Even next-door neigh bor Bernie Sanders lost. Not quite a Favorite Son, more like a Favorite Cranky Uncle, he reserved a place on the loserdom bandwagon by crushing Hillary Clinton by 22 points, only to discover she ends up with the same number of NH delegates when the superdelegates are factored in. They don’t call it the establishment for nothing, Senator Sanders. Who’s feeling the burn now, baby?

Nationally acclaimed political comedian Will Durst will head line the Hu mor Times 25th Anniversary Celebration, Wednesday, April 13th, 7-9pm, at Laughs Unlimited in Sacramento. We’ll open the show with a “Short History of the Humor Times” Slide Show – don’t miss the fun!

A d v a n c e t i c k e t i n fo a t humortimes.com.

Go to willdurst .com for info and calendar listings.

6

HUMOR TIMES

March, 2016

Survival of the Raunchiest Sure, Trump is the most luxurious candidate...

but he can be a little skittish...

and does whatever he feels like.

He’s not a loser, like that Iowa winner...

who enjoyed the limelight while he could...

and the support of a strong base.

But Rubio was right on his tail...

March, 2016

feeling ready for prime time. (continued)

HUMOR TIMES

7

The Right Stuff (continued) The GOP has to be careful what it wishes for...

because what they’ve created...

is not what they had hoped for.

They worked so hard for so long...

to groom Dr. Jekyll, only to end up with Mr. Hyde.

Now they can only wish for some sanity...

or maybe a reset...

8

before it’s too late. (continued)

HUMOR TIMES

March, 2016

Suddenly, out of the blue, ‘Jeb!’ made a bold move...

where Trump once again made the party his bitch.

but it didn’t help him much in a tortured debate...

In a desperate bid for relevance, Christie attacked Rubio...

starting a free-for-all.

But it seems to be Trump’s race to lose...

as he can seemingly do no wrong.

March, 2016

Or can he?

HUMOR TIMES

9

Cartertoons • www.cartertoons.com

•

by Jon Carter

Cartertoons • www.cartertoons.com

•

by Jon Carter

“We Report, You Decry!”

Prime Time for Palin “We’re gonna knock your socks off, America!” said Sarah Palin, as she signed napkins for customers at the Lock ‘N Load Dinner in Wasilla, Alaska.

“Are you nervous about how the press will respond to your endorsing Trump?” asked this reporter.

“Hell, no,” s a i d P a l i n. “ T h e y’ l l b e crapping in their Dockers by the time I’m through with them. If they want access to Donald, they’ll have to go through me.” Palin lifted her jacket to reveal a 45 Glock automatic.

“Heck, just exercising my 2nd Amendment rights, right, fellas?” Palin said.

A cheer went up as diner patrons fired off a celebratory round, shelling the ceiling and breaking several windows, while I took cover under a display of cream pies.

“Trump is the only candidate who understands what the People really want.

They don’t want debates on issues. They want to be entertained and, by golly, I know how to put on a show,” said Palin, biting into a Mooseburger.

“I mean, which would you rather watch? A middle-aged woman in a pantsuit debating foreign policy with old white men or me in a bathing suit throwing back mojitos with Trump at a luxury resort?”

“I am responsible for every sound bite Trump has given,” said Palin. “Mexican rapists? McCain’s war record? Ditching Obamacare? That’s all me,” said Palin.

“As soon as an idea pops into my head, I tweet Trump. Hey, I just got an idea for him right now.” She whipped out her cell phone and sent off a tweet.

“May I see that?” asked this reporter.

“Sure. Consider this an exclusive,” she said, holding up her text message.

It read, “Accuse Bernie Sanders of being a Mosad agent.”

“That’s outrageous. Where are you getting your facts?”

“Facts are like Spanx, they stretch to fit your own personal truth,” said Palin. “Oh, that’s a good one. Excuse me. I’ve gotta Tweet that too.”

While Palin tweeted, I asked a waitress her opinion of Palin’s role in Trump’s campaign.

“Sarah’s always had vision,” said the waitress. “You know, she can see the White House from here.”

Reported by Stacia Friedman.

HEAVEN’S GATE – Founder of psychoanalysis Sigmund Freud said today that the unexpected death of Justice Antonin Scalia could finally liberate his colleague Clarence Thomas enough “to actually speak u p , af ter de c a des of claustrophobic silence.”

In ter v iew ed via GoogleSeance™ sat ellite, Dr Freud noted with satisfaction that Thomas could in fact utter simple sentences. He had done so during his confirmation hearings in 1991, reportedly using words like “yes,” “no” and even “high-tech lynching” – whatever that meant.

Unheard from since then, Thomas’s “psychologically imposed silence,” in the doctor’s opinion, “was a function of his regression into neo-adolescence when confronted by a fat, loudmouthed bully of Scalia’s monstrous proportions.”

Dr Freud noted that Thomas’s condition, known as the “Drunken Uncle at Thanksgiving Complex,” was not uncommon, though in his case the symptoms were “extreme.”

Coming off his big win in South Carolina, Trump feels confident that he has all but sealed his nomination as the GOP candidate for President – whether the Republicans like it or not.

However, there is one thing standing in his way, and although it is “a little thing,” as he puts it, it is still standing in his way… Marco Rubio.

It’s a sure bet that Rubio will be staying in the race and giving Trump a run for his money; and with Rubio being a full five inches shorter than Trump, the Don feels that this is just unacceptable. Trump claims Rubio will have an unfair advantage at debates, as Trump will tower over Rubio, making Trump appear aggressive.

“It just won’t look good at all,” said Trump, who said that in previous debates – before his

12

“It’s just like an abusive domestic relations hip,” s a id D r Fre ud, “ tho ug h in t he Scalia-Thomas marriage the victim was emotion ally and vo cally emasculated by the relentless f l ow of ‘arglebargle, applesauce and jiggery-pok ery’ as Scalia himself put it.

“The result in Thomas’s case was to shrivel like a frozen scrotum, accept the money and the white privilege, and just nod wordlessly whenever required. After all, that’s the only service ever asked of him.”

Known widely as “the best Supreme Court Justice the Kochs could buy,” Scalia represented their interests with such force and eloquence that the weak-minded Thomas could only “duh,” his single recorded sound in 15 years.

“I cannot say precisely what poor Clarence will do now, but if I were Justice Ginsburg I’d be careful who I sat next to at the next group photograph.”

Reported by Michael Egan.

Americans Disturbed by Bernie Sanders’ Consistent Record, Honesty WASHINGTON – Today, the results of a study showed a sizable minority of American voters were disturbed by the honesty and consistent record of Democratic presidential candidate U.S. Senator Bernie Sanders of Vermont.

These Americans found it difficult to accept there was a politician who dared to tell hard truths rather than politically beneficial lies, and explicitly refused to use the divide and conquer strategy utilized by other politicians to trick the vast majority of Americans into fighting each other over economic scraps.

“Forty-three percent of American voters are very disturbed by Bernie Sanders, because they see his honesty and consistent record as something comparable to a dragon or a unicorn,” exp lain ed S e ni or T N A R e s e a r c h e r D i c k Schneider, who noted dragons and unicorns were viewed less favorably than Sanders and

more favorably than Hillary Clinton.

Schneider continued, “These Americans didn’t think there existed a politician capable of offering them the truth and a record of fighting for economic and social justice. Bernie’s push to break up the banks and protect Americans from Wall Street’s avarice is absolutely consistent with his record.”

“Many of these Americans really want to support Senator Sanders, but are unsure of what to do after being lied to for so long,” stated Schneider.

An unidentified member of the press asked Schneider if there was a way for Bernie Sanders to make Americans more comfortable with him.

“He could push some self-serving lies, and play into the plutocrats’ game by adopting a divide and rule strategy,” replied Schneider.

Re ported by Al ex an de r Vosh, thenil admirari.com.

Trump Backers Mock Sanders’ Socialism, Yet Support National Socialist WASHINGTON – Today, the results of a study were released on the supporters of Republican presidential frontrunner and xenophobic billionaire Donald Trump. It was discovered that while most Trump supporters were heavily critical of Democratic presidential candidate U.S. Senator Bernie Sanders’ self-proclaimed demo-

Trump Obedience Tattoo. Now required at all rallies.

cratic socialism, they were largely unaware the candidate they were supporting was promoting national socialism.

“Nearly 67% of Donald Trump’s supporters criticize Bernie Sanders’s socialism, but remain ignorant of the fact Donald Trump is promoting national socialism. Trump reinforces their delusions that America is always under internal and external attack, and they are perpetual victims of inferior minority groups that must be stopped using extreme and unconstitutional methods,” explained Senior Researcher Dick Schneider.

Schnei der con tin ued, “Al most 30% of Trump’s supporters recognize he is a national socialist, see that as a positive, and continue to attack Sanders for his democratic socialism. They welcome Trump’s hostility to democratic institutions and personal liberty, because they want him to use the government to create and enforce a racial and/or religious hierarchy that recognizes them as superior.”

“Just over 93% of Trump supporters demand strict adherence to a national tradition, which is ba si cally a ro man ti cized ver sion of White Protestant Christian culture,” said Schneider.

An unidentified member of the press asked Schneider what Ameri cans could expect if Trump was the man a majority of Americans – who were allowed to vote – saw fit to elect President of the United States of America.

“Government power will grow, violence will be used to punish dissent, and increasingly harsh purity tests will claim the freedoms and lives of millions of Americans,” replied Schneider.

Re ported by Al ex an de r Vosh, thenil admirari.com.

Ripping the Headlines Today Making fun of the headlines today, so you don’t have to

The luxurious Mr Trump also accused Ted Cruz of lying about his height

Trump Hires Mini-Me. Graphic by Gerry Chambers.

Aspiring to the High Standards Set by Cable News

Freud via GoogleSeance™: Scalia’s Death May Finally Liberate Clarence Thomas

Trump Hires Mini-Me to Steal ‘Short Man’ Vote from Rubio Donald Trump is leaving no stone unturned as he marches his way across the south, preemptively declaring victory in the upcoming Super Tuesday elections.

Headline News Section

competitors started dropping like flies – there were enough tall, not-so-tall, and downright short men on the stage together, that it didn’t make much of a difference.

“Going up against anyone shorter than me is gonna make me look like a bully,” said Trump, claiming he is the nicest person in the race, adding “you can quote me on that – better yet, I think I’ll tweet that right now and quote myself, cuz I don’t trust you media people.”

“Sure, most people will vote for me because I am tall and a stupendous Caucasian, but still, some weak voters may vote for the little guy – you know how wimpy some people can be,” said Trump with his trademark smirk and shrug.

“So, I have a solution, he said. “I have the money and the say so, so I’ve asked my people to find a smaller version of myself, dress him up to look like me, and we’ll put him on the stage against Rubio and if need be, Ted Cruz. That way, I’m not going to look like a bully.”

Asked what will happen if Hillary Clinton clinches the Democratic nomination and the time comes when he (Trump) and she (Clinton) go head to head in a national debate, Trump responded, “Well, if you are asking me if we are going to find a surrogate woman who looks like me to perform in the debate, then all I can say is, we will do whatever it is – and it will be big, or small, or female – but we will do whatever it is we will do to make sure that I win the election come November.”

Reported by P. Beckert.

By Paul Lander All you need to do is follow one simple rule: barely pay attention and jump to conclusions.

So, here are some headlines today and my first thoughts: Donald Trump fires back at sharp rebuke

by Pope Francis So, it ’s ‘His Ho li ness’ against ‘His AssHoliness.’

Florida couple comes forward to claim share of $1.6 billion Powerball Jackpot Or, as I now call them, ‘Mom and Dad.’ Happy 35th birthday, Paris Hilton What do you get for the girl who hasn’t earned anything?

Kanye West says he’s 53 million in debt Someone should start a funding campaign on a site called PrickStarter.

Obama to skip Scalia’s funeral It seems the President decided to not attend, opting to celebrate at home…

Donald Trump thinking of a 3rd party run Wouldn’t be that surprising if he left GOP for a younger Eastern European party.

Paul McCartney denied entrance into Tyga’s Grammy after party Who was at the door? Yoko?

Kanye asks Mark Zuckerberg for a billion dollars Zuckerberg should open a new site to answer called LaughingInYourFaceBook.

HUMOR TIMES

Student has threesome with both of his English teachers Apparently, he was ‘prepositioned.’ And, I for one, am shocked, this sounds way more like a class in French.

Tila Tequila: Reality TV personality defends her use of racial slur This woman has got to stop ruining the good name of tequila.

Jeb! suspends his campaign Although, he may need to check into rehab to get over his Koch addiction.

Happy 82nd birthday, Yoko Ono For fun why don’t you go out and breakup Nickelback?

Bad news for Ted Cruz: his eligibility for president is going to court Although, it hasn’t been determined yet in which of his 3 countries the case will be heard.

Read more of Paul Lander’s columns at humortimes.com.

March, 2016

Buggin’ Your Phone

Bug in Your Zone

The FBI wants to get intimate...

Just in time for the Olympics...

but Apple said no way...

comes the Zika virus.

It doesn’t matter how good your defenses are... it wouldn’t be cool.

But that won’t stop the government from trying.

March, 2016

or where you live.

HUMOR TIMES

13

All’s Fair in Love and Campaigning Bernie and Hillary virtually tied in Iowa...

so instead of the Bern, she felt the love.

but in New Hampshire, Hillary won by losing...

But Sanders is feeling the love from young women voters...

and he’s very happy about that.

For Clinton, the fairy tale may once again get spoiled...

but she’s trying to stay positive...

14

and is working every angle. (continued)

HUMOR TIMES

March, 2016

Clinton is trying to turn the narrative around...

and remind voters her candidacy is historic.

Maybe a fashion change would help...

but there’s a big gap to fill...

The race is causing a split in the party... and a big question to answer.

which could leave an opening...

March, 2016

for the right person.

HUMOR TIMES

15

The Hightower Lowdown Why Should You and I Have to Keep Paying Mitch McConnell’s Salary?

Antonin Scalia is gone. The nastiest and noisiest of right-wingers on the Supreme Court is dead.

But he can’t be any more brain dead than Mitch McConnell, the Republican leader of the U.S. Senate. In a blatantly partisan ploy to prevent President Obama from nominating a succes sor to Scalia, McConnell has cited a historical precedent dictating that presidents who are in the last year of their term do not name new justices to the high court. “Therefore,” he babbled, “this vacancy should not be filled until we have a new president.”

What a silly old squirrel McConnell is! Article II of the U.S. Constitution plainly states that the president “shall nominate, and by and with the Advice and Consent of the Senate, shall appoint ... Judges of the Supreme Court.” Note that the Constitution says the president “shall” do this — as a duty to the nation. Nothing in the founding document suggests that this power and

duty is voided in an election year. In fact, 13 Supreme Court nominations have been made in presidential election years, and the Senate took action on 11 of them. McConnell’s assertion is bo gus (and silly ), for his tory and the Constitution clearly back Obama.

Iron i cally, one who would have nailed McConnell for such a slapstick political perversion of plain constitutional language is Scalia h i m s e l f . He p r a c t i c e d w ha t h e c a l l e d “originalism” in his official judgments, insisting that the Constitution must be interpreted only by the words in it and only by the original meaning those words had for the founders when they wrote them into the document.

McConnell’s squirrelly stall tactic is as ridiculous as it is shameful. It’s also totally hypocritical, since Mitch himself voted in February 1988 to confirm a Supreme Court nominee put forth

by Ronald Reagan — in the last year of his presidency.

Quotable Quotes “I again recommend a law prohibiting all corporations from contributing to the campaign expenses of any party... Let individuals contribute as they desire; but let us prohibit in effective fashion all corporations from making contributions for any political purpose, directly or indirectly.”

– Republican President Theodore Roosevelt

“The notion that profit making is the essence of democracy, the notion that economics is divorced from ethics, the notion that the only obligation of citizenship is consumerism, the notion that the welfare state is a pathology, that any form of dependency basically is disreputable and needs to be attacked, I mean, this is a vicious set of assumptions.”

– Henry Giroux, Scholar

This leads me to ask, why should you and I have to keep paying McConnell’s salary? Not only is he a Senate majority leader who doesn’t lead; the lazy right-wing lawmaker really doesn’t do anything, refusing to pick up the legislative tools he’s been given and go to work on the many things that We The People — and America itself — need Congress to do. Imagine if you tried doing nothing on your job — just drawing your paycheck after ignoring your workload!

Repeatedly, this senatorial slug says no to every task at hand. Repair and replace the water pipes that leach lead and are poisoning families all across America? No, he yawns. Raise the minimum wage to help bridge the dangerous wealth gap separating the superrich from the rest of us? Don’t bother me with such stuff, Mitch snaps. Shut off that gusher of corrupt corporate money pouring into our elections and drowning the people’s democratic rights? Not my problem, shrugs the lumpish ne’er-do-well.

And now a straightforward constitutional duty has been handed to McConnell: Gear up the Senate’s “Advise and Consent” mechanism to approve or reject President Obama’s nominee to replace Justice Scalia. We’ll do it tomorrow, muttered the somnolent senator, content to put

“When the last tree is cut, the last fish caught, and the last river is polluted; when to breathe the air is sickening, you will realize, too late, that wealth is not in bank accounts and that you can’t eat money.”

– Alanis Obomsawin “Ten years ago I was called a liberal because I supported gay marriage and medical mari-

JIM HIGHTOWER

off his responsibility to our nation’s system of justice until next year, long after Obama is gone.

We’re paying this guy a salary of $174,000 a year, plus another $19,400 for his “service” as majority leader. It’s insulting that he won’t even go through the motions of doing his job. Of course, saying no to all the chores he ought to be doing for the people is exactly what the corporate sponsors of his Republican Party expect from him. They want an inert and unresponsive government, a poverty-wage economy, a plutocratic election system and a court of their own choosing.

So “Do Nothing” Mitch is their boy. But at the very least, shouldn’t they pay his salary, rather than sticking us with the cost?

juana while opposing the Iraq invasion and Bush’s economic plan. It turns out I was prematurely mainstream.”

– John Fugelsang “The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, and wiser people so full of doubts.”

– Bertrand Russell

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California Stage Theater Creations Celebrating 25 Years!!

EASTER RISING: DUBLIN 1916 For one weekend only, California Stage will honor Dublin’s fallen and celebrate its fighting spirit with Ray Tatar’s original play, taking audiences into the rough and tumble streets of Dublin during the infamous insurrection. Tickets: calstage.org.

March 18-20, 2016 California Stage Theater in the R25 Arts Complex aa 25th & R St, Midtown • Easy free parking available • 916-451-5822

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Formerly the

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Wednesday, April 13 2016, 7-9PM, at 1207 Front Street, in old town Sacramento Starring Will Durst, America’s Foremost Political Comic and longtime Humor Times columnist!

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