Humor Times, June 2016

“People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.” – Anonymous, often attributed to A. A. Milne Issue #292

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June, 2016

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HUMOR TIMES

June, 2016

Editor’s Letter I am extremely excited to announce that I will be interviewing a Pulitzer Prize winner on television! Now, that’s a sentence I never imagined I’d be uttering in my life. But it’s true, I am interviewing the new Pulitzer Prize winner for editorial cartooning, Mr Jack Ohman.

I hope you’ll tune in, Monday, June 6th, at 8pm, on Access Sacramento (Channel 17 on Comcast or Channel 14 on ATT U-verse). The half-hour show is part of a long-running series called “Soapbox Sacramento,” which airs every Monday evening. I am now sharing the hosting duties on the show, along with Joy Halstead and Lola Ellis.

I have to send out props here to Jeanie Keltner for founding the show, which has been on Access for a couple decades now. She retired last year, and it has taken several of us to try and fill her shoes. We miss her on the show, but are proud to do our small part in helping to keep her legacy going.

You can see past episodes on the Soapbox YouTube channel by going to YouTube online and searching for “Soapbox Sacramento” (not just “Soapbox”). The Ohman interview will be posted there a day or so after it airs.

Mr Ohman’s cartoons have been featured in the Humor Times since shortly after he joined The Sacramento Bee in 2013. I have enjoyed sharing his great work with you, and I love his unique way of approaching issues, often venturing where other political cartoonists do not. For an example of his work, check out page 9, second from the bottom on the right, “Driving Miss Daisy.” We feature several more of Ohman’s cartoons in this issue also.

You can read more about the upcoming interview by going to our website at humortimes.com.

Please share it on Facebook, Twitter and wherever else you virtually hang out online!

– James Israel, Editor

Jeanette Midori Okazaki, DDS, Inc. • (916) 329-3400 2525 K Street, Suite 305, Sacramento • Most insurance plans accepted www.dentalandholistichealth.com

Family Dentistry with Tender Loving Care.

P.S. If it seems like it’s been a while since our last issue (the 25th Anniversary Issue), you’re right, we skipped the May issue this year, due to circumstances beyond our control. Don’t worry, though, if you’re a subscriber, you’ll still get the same number of issues – we track subscriptions by issue number, not by the month.

P.P.S. Our 25th Anniversary Celebration was a big success, and a whole lot of fun! I want to thank everyone who came out to enjoy the great political comedian Will Durst, who had one of the best shows I’ve ever seen him perform – and I’ve seen him a lot. Of course, he had a lot of material to work with this year, but he’s a master at his craft, and had the big crowd rolling in the aisles. Don’t miss the next chance you have to see Mr Durst. Of course, you can read his hilarious column in every issue, right here in the Humor Times!

I also had fun presenting the “25 Years of Political Hilarity” slide show at the event, and am available to present it for other occasions – just ask!

Thanks to Laughs Unlimited for hosting the event. We’re talking to them about presenting more shows there, so stay tuned for that.

Traditional dentistry with holistic options offered in a warm, caring environment.

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The Humor Times® (ISSN 1937 299X), Vol. 25, Issue 292, is published monthly by the Humor Times, 2034 20th St, Sacramento, CA 95818. Periodicals Postage Paid at Sacramento, CA and additional mailing offices. POSTMASTER: Send address changes to Humor Times, P.O. Box 162429, Sacramento, CA 95816-2429.

Editor: James Israel. Publisher: Jim LeDoux. Email: info@humortimes.com.

Phone: 916-455-1217. Printed by: Gold Country Printing, Auburn, CA 95603.

Contributors: P. Beckert, Steve Benson, Jeff Boldt, Ruben Bolling, Chris Britt, Jon Carter, Paul Combs, Will Durst, Michael Egan, John Glynn, Walt Handelsman, Jim Hightower, David Horsey, Ben Krull, Paul Lander, Dick Locher, Chan Lowe, Mike Luckovich, Gary Markstein, Lee Mays, Jack Ohman, Dan Piraro, Marshall Ramsey, Rob Rogers, Jay Schiller & Greg Cravens, Harley Schwadron, Drew Sheneman, Scott Stantis, Dana Summers, Tom Toles, Roz Warren, Dan Wasserman and others. Contributions: Send artwork/submissions to address or email above.

The Humor Times is available by subscription. It is printed on recycled paper, using 60% post-consumer fiber. All contents ©2016. No part may be reproduced without permission.

Support the media you want to see! ®

Sacramento Access TV’s

SOAPBOX!

In-depth interviews with local progressive leaders.

On June 6th, tune in to see Pulitzer Prize winning editorial cartoonist Jack Ohman, interviewed by Humor Times editor James Israel!

Be sure to catch every show, Mondays at 8pm.

Other hosts include Joy Halstead and Lola Ellis, welcoming very interesting guests of their own.

June 6th: Pulitzer Prize winning editorial cartoonist Jack Ohman

Mondays at 8pm on Ch 17 (Comcast) or Ch 14 (ATT), and available anytime on YouTube on the SoapBoxSacramento channel!

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June, 2016

HUMOR TIMES

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3

Big Bucks It was the biggest document drop ever...

but it really only concerned the rich & famous...

certainly not you and me.

Meanwhile, it’s graduation time...

and a rude awakening awaits many students...

who will probably just end up gigging anyway.

We may have to remember the old ways...

4

and that persistence wears down their resistance.

HUMOR TIMES

June, 2016

Invading Your Privacy to Save It In some places, your privates...

aren’t any more.

but all for your own good.

It’s complicated...

June, 2016

We must respect each other’s identity...

but how to ID people?

The issue is galvanizing the LGBT community...

and raising empathy for the long-mistreated.

HUMOR TIMES

5

We, Who Are About to be Beaten with the Ugly Stick, Salute You Oh dear. Not pretty. Yes. Already. The upcoming presidential campaign is ugly now and destined to ratchet up to epic uglier as soon as Bernie Sanders decides to bow out. Which is imminent.

Not soon enough for Hillary Clinton, but not long.

The Vermont Senator has turned into that drunken cousin who hasn’t noticed he’s been the last guest for over an hour, cracking open another beer and threatening to put his cigarette out in the kids’ wading pool. Starting to channel Hotel California. “You can check in any time you like, but you can never leave.”

How ugly will the race get? Think randomly-shaved rat-terrier with a fourth premolar infection, mange and a lazy eye… ugly.

Naked Sumo mud-wrestling ugly. If this campaign were a baby, you’d have to tie pork chops to its ears to get the dog to play with it. Even the rat-terrier of which earlier we spoke.

The hard part is the timing. On both sides. Has the public had its fill of Hillary bashing? She’s been taking the hits and shaking them off since first becoming a mote in the national public eye back in 1991.

You remember what Republicans said when she was First Lady. “She’s a liar, a thief, a lesbian. She cheated widows and orphans and murdered Vince Foster. With her bare hands. And then ate him.” That’s when she was First Lady.

Now, as opposition nominee, the kid gloves are coming off.

“Alien Space Queen Vampire: here to suck dry our precious bodily fluids. Originally the Clintons had three children but sold two to a Bangkok brothel. To which Bill makes twice yearly visits.”

On the other side, if you don’t think the Clinton Machine has had at least a dozen investigators devoted to opposition research for months, you are probably extremely confused by the damp-

ness on days when it rains. They undoubtedly have dug so deep, they know which way Trump’s small intestine turns, 30 feet in.

In his patented gracious style, Trump christened his upcoming opponent, “Crooked Hillary,” and that’s the tame end of the ugly stick. He calls it counter-punching, but flick him with a fly swatter and he’ll drop you with an elephant gun. Ask any elephant.

The Aerodynamic Coif responded to accusations of his own randy behavior by calling Hillary an enabler of Bill’s infidelities.

But he needs to tread carefully or risk sharing a crying towel with her 2000 US Senate opponent, Rick Lazio. Who? Exactly.

There’s two ways of looking at it. Either Hillary Diane Rodham Clinton has more baggage than the first United flight out of O’Hare after a freak spring blizzard, or there’s no meat left on her scandal bone. Like a single sardine tossed over a stone wall into a cat sanctuary.

And conversely, it should be fairly easy to uncover evidence of the Donald’s extra-marital shenanigans and voluminous shady deals and suspicious deaths of folks who opposed him. Oh, come on. We’ve all seen Law & Order: there’s a New York developer knocking off enemies and depositing them in the foundations of soon-to-be-erected condominiums every other episode. The only difference is, with Trump’s supporters, that’s not necessarily a negative.

Be afraid. Be very afraid.

Turns Out Trump is Right a Lot As evidenced by his hair, Donald J. Trump is pretty much wrong all the time. Every time. About everything. Except when he isn’t.

One example is, should he become president, Mexico indeed

WILL DURST

will build a wall — to control our immigration. “Get me the hell out of here. Por favor?” Hell, Canada might have to build one as well. “Hey, let me in dere, ya hoser. S’il vous plait, eh?”

Trump is also right about America becoming more religious under his reign, because upon his election, people are going to start praying, “like you wouldn’t believe.” All over the world.

The seismic shock caused by millions dropping to their knees on January 21st might crack open a chasm in the planet deep enough to swallow a few of the Seven Seas.

After being aced out by Ted Cruz for all the Colorado and Wyoming delegates, Trump flailed like a boat-bound goose trying to fly south with its feet nailed to the deck, screaming all the while about the system being rigged.

You know what? He’s right about that one, too.

It’s finally sinking in — this isn’t about democracy. This is much more important: this is party politics. In an effort to keep their voices preeminent, the bigwigs have rigged and rerigged the system like a 30-year-old trailer park sound system.

On the other side of the aisle, Bernie Sanders is hearing similar ugly distortions. He’s finding the Dems have rules more shady, murky and malleable than a catfish trap in the Mississippi Delta made out of cellophane. Perhaps this helps to explain why the Vermont senator eschewed becoming a Democrat until recently.

The Donald also occasionally stumbles into the lobby of the Correctomundo Hotel by embrac ing such a va ri ety of stances that it wouldn’t be surprising to find Trump University of fers a course that teaches the Art of the Blind Squirrel/Nut Finding Deal.

First he supported an assault weapons ban and background checks, then turned against them. He told Larry King he was a fan of universal health care, and now, not so much. The man has adopted more positions than a ballet dancer on a cruise ship, sometimes during the same interview.

He calls his 180-de gree head snapping turns “evolving.” Ever since Ronald Reagan characterized his conversion from Hollywood lib eral as an “evo lu tion,” that’s the go-to, buzz-word for politicos. People don’t change their minds any more. They evolve. Over time. Even people who don’t be lieve in evolution, evolve.

Since 1999 Trump has gone from Republican to Independent to Democrat to Independent to Republican again.

He’s the centrifugal candidate.

Started out pro-choice, became anti-choice and now seems to be multiple-choice.

And why do his supporters love him? Because he tells it like it is.

No matter what side of an issue you’re on, Trump has been there, done that. Less of a Man for all Seasons than a Man for all Reasons. A businessman too comfortable with the lesions of treasons. Whoa.

Too much?

And now Paul Manafort, the shiny new senior advisor, told GOP insiders Trump is simply playing a role and will tone it down for the general election. Trump must be praying that we the voters will totally forget to play our roles of people who can’t stand him.

Will Durst is an awardwinning, nationally acclaimed political comic. Go to willdurst.com for info about the documentary film, “3 Still Standing” and calendar listings that feature future appear ances such as hi s one-man show, “BoomeRaging: From LSD to OMG.”

6

HUMOR TIMES

June, 2016

Move to the Back

Primaries

The Trail of Tears finally caught up to him...

The American voters were prepared...

but there was resistance.

but not much was really expected of them...

nor were there many good choices.

You can’t buy love...

It seems America needs a new vision. but at least it’s some form of reparation.

June, 2016

HUMOR TIMES

7

Survivor: Democrats Bernie just won’t quit...

even when asked nicely.

His supporters are getting an education in politics...

and some lessons are very hard.

Meanwhile, Hillary’s been working on her flexibility... and she is driven to succeed.

She has had to put up with a lot...

8

and has been rewarded. (continued)

HUMOR TIMES

June, 2016

Hillary is already picking her team...

but it isn’t getting any easier...

and many still wish her ill.

The Sanders campaign has successfully nudged her...

and he’s determined to see it all the way through.

But how far is too far?

And could it backfire?

June, 2016

One thing for sure, it’s been a wild ride.

HUMOR TIMES

9

Cartertoons • www.cartertoons.com

•

by Jon Carter

Cartertoons • www.cartertoons.com

•

by Jon Carter

“We Report, You Decry!”

CDC Breakthrough: ‘Butt Bump’ May Prevent Colds and Flu New research findings just released from the CDC show that the “butt bump” may be the safest way to greet other people.

Side-benefit: Butt-bumping is probably the most fun, as well!

Photo by Steve McFarland, flickr.com.

The CDC conducted a large-scale experiment to determine how to reduce the transmission of a number of viruses. Over a six month period, 1000 people were told to greet people with a handshake, 1000 with a high-five, 1000 with a fist bump, and 1000 with a butt bump.

Eighty percent of the study participants who used a handshake or a high-five caught two or more viruses dur ing the six months, and these groups had, by far, the greatest number of viruses overall. Only 50% of the fist bump people caught a virus.

But a mere 10% of the butt-bumping group caught any virus during the same time period. Those who bumped butts had fewer colds and no cases of the flu.

Despite the findings, the CDC is not yet ready to recommend bumping butts as the safest method of greeting. This is because the butt bump group unexpectedly was found to have a significantly higher number of STDs during the same time period.

In response, the CDC is planning a follow-up study in which they caution the butt bump group to bump, but not grind.

Reported by Diane de Anda

Aspiring to the High Standards Set by Cable News

Trump Makes His Pick: Silvio Berlusconi for Vice-President ‘He’s the King of Vice, after all,’ says Trump A Humor Times Exclusive Donald Trump, the presumptive Republican nominee for president, shocked the party establishment and ended months of speculation by pick ing his run ning mate: It aly’s Silvio Berlusconi.

Donald Trump and Silvio BerlusconiTrump skirted immediate criticism of Berlusconi’s as a non-citizen by saying, “We’ll find him a nice, quiet American beauty for a wife, that’ll make him more American than any of these other losers who want to be my VP. He’s also a billionaire, he can just buy himself a U.S. citizenship.

My lawyers are working on it.”

Corey Lewandowski, The Donald’s campaign manager, said Berlusconi was the perfect pick. “He’s like the Italian Donald. If, God forbid, Donald is incapacitated, no worries, we’ve got his double in the wings, ready to take over.

It’s a two-for-one deal for America.”

Trump announced the pick at a press conference this morning, saying, “Silvio Berlusconi is the right man for the job, he’s luxurious. Just look at him. Golden. Like me. Everybody loves him. He’s a winner. And he did a great job with Italy. Tremendous.”

“And talk about a guy who can throw a

HADES – The Satanic Council today “totally rejected” claims by the “Satanist religious cult” that Lucifer or indeed any of its members were offended by John Boehner calling Ted Cruz “Lucifer in the flesh” and “a miserable son of a bitch.” party,” said Trump, “we’re going to have the greatest, most luxurious inaugural ball ever.

He’s got connections. I know. I’ve been to some of his ‘bunga bunga’ parties. Amazing. The man knows what he’s doing, I can tell you.”

“But he’s magnificent, I assure you,” Trump continued. “He’ll make a great American, and anyone who says otherwise is an unpatriotic liar, and deserves to be shot. Or at least punched in the face.”

“If you want the true measure of a man,” Trump said, “look at the women he surrounds himself with. Like me, only the most beautiful, sexy ladies, like my supermodel trophy — I mean wife. And he’s got big hands, I can tell you, like me. Women love that.”

‘The GOP will win in 2016 but lose its political soul for all Eternity,’ the Evil One predicted HADES – In an unprecedented interview via “Yep, the Party of Lincoln will become the GoogleSeanceTM, the Devil announced tonight Party of Trump forever,” the Devil smirked, “fithat he and the Republican nally consigning itself to Party had struck a “new the living Hell it has made and historic” Faustian baron earth for so many othgain together. ers.”

In the GOP’s new Faust“Our recently rehabiliian pact, the Party will win tated Jim Crow wing, as we the 2016 presidential eleccall it, features mandatory tion but only after worshipTransgendered Bathrooms, ing “Sa tan’s Poo dle,” Gays Only drinking founDonald J Trump, kissing ta ins , a nd f a st dr i ves his fat ass and praising the around Hades in po lice magnificence of his mighty vans without seat belts.” member on a daily (or if re- The art of the deal: Negotiating with Satan.

Then the Dark Lord quired, nightly) basis. brandished a battered copy of The Satanic Trump himself is known to have concluded Verses II. “Remember the old prophecy?” he his own soul-damning Faustian bargain with the said almost dreamily. “When fascism comes to Devil many years ago, when he took over the America, it will be wrapped in the flag and carBirther movement. For that historic moment, rying a cross? Well, you damned idiots, that mosee artist’s rendering, above (no recording de- ment has arrived and its face is Trump!” vices were allowed).

Reported by Michael Egan

Executive decision: The party’s majority owners have decided that they will just have to be the presidential candidates themselves An anonymous source has informed this re- ever, until their black eyes and broken noses porter that the Koch brothers are at their wits heal after they slugged it out to see who would end with the disaster the candidates have made be the presidential and who would be vice-presof the Republican Party, and related the follow- idential candidate. ing conversation Feel ing melbetween the two low from the sebrothers: da tion for their “There’s nose repair, they never been one finally came to a electable can dicompromise: date in the whole they would begroup!” shouted c o m e t he f i r s t David. co-pres i den tial “Sixty-eight candidates ever. per cent of the “How can anyvot ers h at e one object? After Trump, and now all, we own the Cruz is history,” da mn pa rty,” Koch brothers, with bandages, after duking it out for top spot. his brother laCharles laughed mented. through his fat lip.

“Trump’s always been a loose cannon, and Reported by Diane de Anda they’re all just losers!” David smacked his fist Surgeon General’s Warning: into the wall.

“By the way, who even knew who this Humor Times Habit-Forming Kasich guy was anyway? I had to have one of The Surgeon General warned citizens today, my aides look him up for me, for Christ’s sake,” saying, “We’ve all heard the line, ‘laughter is Charles shook his head. the best medicine,’ but is it, really? Perhaps too In the end, they decided they had only one much of a good thing is just that – too much. Be option — they would have to take over the Re- careful out there, America.” publican convention.

(Ed: Subscribe on page 3, if you can handle They have delayed the announcement, how- it. And please give subscriptions responsibly!)

Lucifer, in the Flesh, Welcomes Comparison to Cruz Satanic Council defiantly embraces Ted Cruz: ‘The miserable son of a bitch is a natural for us!’ says Lucifer.

Devil Announces ‘New Faustian Bargain’ with Republican Party

Koch Brothers Say They’ll Be Republican Nominees in Brokered Convention

12

Headline News Section

“On the con trary,” Lu ci fer him self announced, speaking on behalf of his hellish colleagues, “not since George Wallace has any American son of a bitch been better qualified to go straight to Hell.”

The Satanic Council comprises The Devil (Chair) Lucifer, Mephistopheles, Satan and Beelzebub.

Lucifer admitted that he was actually quite flattered by the comparison.

“Frankly, I’ve been upstaged by Satan for centuries,” he resentfully muttered, adding that at last his many years of working with “Eduardo” were finally paying off.

“He really thinks the voices in his head are God’s,” the the fork-tongued demon wickedly laughed, adding: “Of course, I’m the one who told him to run for president, knowing he’d never make it. The devil may cite scripture for His purpose, you know, Luke 4:9-11.”

Lucifer noted that Cruz will be forbidden any sexual outlet until he can prove that stimulating his own genitals is a medical necessity.

The red-faced devil laughed sadistically.

“The only reading material Ted’s allowed is Green Eggs and Ham, which he’ll have to perform aloud every time he uses the Transgender Bathroom, to a holograph of jeering US senators.

Reported by Michael Egan

Ripping the Headlines Today Making fun of the headlines today, so you don’t have to

By Paul Lander All you need to do is follow one simple rule: barely pay attention and jump to conclusions.

So, here are the headlines and my first thoughts: David Cameron recreates Beatles Abbey Road cover Sadly, he couldn’t find 3 friends to do it right.

Sinéad O’Connor: Singer safely located after going missing in Chicago suburbs, police say No word yet on how they made their way back to 1991.

Trump refusing to release his tax returns I hear it’s because he filed them in Kenya.

The first penis transplant in US was performed at Massachusetts General Hospital Seems the guy went in Catholic and left Jewish.

Debate over transgender bathroom access spreads nationwide While I just used a bathroom that’s apparently for people who self identify as totally disgusting slobs.

Happy 70th, Cher If you could turn back time, there’d be fewer plastic surgeons driving BMWs. Magic mushrooms lift severe depression in clinical trial Y’hear that, Domino’s?

Melania Trump on Donald: ‘He’s not Hitler’

HUMOR TIMES

I believe that was in their wedding vows.

Secret Service shoot an armed man outside the White House, while Joe Biden was at work inside I’m stunned; Joe Biden does actual work?

David Hasselhoff says he only has 4K dollars to his name Look for his ex wife’s lawyers to hassle the Hoff.

Pornhub launches fitness APP ‘Bangfit’ For those people who want to build up their wrists while watching.

California: State suspends mandatory statewide water restrictions’ Woooo! Whooooo! Time to go outside and water the dirt.

Scott Baio: Actor and Donald Trump supporter says Hillary Clinton is ‘basically a socialist’ Before I decide, somebody tell me what Screech thinks.

Read more of Paul Lander’s columns at humortimes.com.

June, 2016

Survivor: Republicans Things got pretty ugly...

almost explosive, in fact.

But Trump is immune to overexposure...

and all of the media seem to love him.

though he was attacked by the left.

He got all the important endorsements...

The GOP establishment didn’t want him, though...

June, 2016

and came up with a plan. (continued)

HUMOR TIMES

13

Survivor: Republicans (continued) The plan involved getting out of the frying pan...

but their man Cruz was not adept, like Trump...

although he tried his best Canadian Mountie act.

But soon they had to stick a fork in him...

because no one took him seriously.

Now, Trump is free to show his softer side...

emphasize his love for the ladies...

14

and seal the deal. (continued)

HUMOR TIMES

June, 2016

Yes, Trump came out on top...

and all that remained was the sucking up.

He closed the chapter with Megyn...

and now it’s on to the convention...

where he’s sure to bring the house down.

Now it’s up to the voters:

Do they go ape for him?

June, 2016

Or does his luck run out?

HUMOR TIMES

15

The Hightower Lowdown What Does it Mean to Gig American Workers?

Pouty, whiney, spoiled-bratism is not nice coming from a four-year-old — but it’s grotesque when it comes from billion-dollar corporate elites like Uber and Lyft.

The two internet-based ride-hiring brats call themselves “ridesharing” companies, but that’s a deceit, for they don’t share anything — their business model relies on folks needing a ride to hire a driver through the corporations’ apps.

With the bulk of the fare going to out-of-town corporate hedge funders.

The tow outfits have swaggered into cities all across our country, insisting that they’re innovative, tech-driven geniuses. As such, they consider themselves above the fusty old laws that other transportation companies, like taxis, follow. So Uber and Lyft have made it a corporate policy to throw hissy fits when cities — from Los Angeles to Atlanta, Houston to Portland — have dared even to propose that they obey rules to protect customers and drivers.

The latest tantrum from the California giants happened in Austin, when the city council there adopted a few modest, perfectly-reasonable

rules. The petulant duo then used fibs and high-pressure tactics to get enough signatures on petitions to force a special election to overturn the council’s action. Naturally, being brats, they gave the city an ultimatum — “Vote our way or we will leave” — and assumed that Austin’s tech-savvy voters would flock to do whatever the popular ride-sharing service wanted.

But they picked the wrong city. First, they ran a cam paign of bla tant lies, as though Austinites wouldn’t question them. Then, they shoved a sickening level of corporate cash into their campaign, apparently thinking that the sheer tonnage of ads would win the day for them. However, the slicks from California turned out to be uber-goobers. Despite spending $9 million (more than the combined spending of all city council candidates in the past decade), they went down, 56-to-44 percent.

Since they didn’t win their campaign, Uber and Lyft have now left town in a huff leaving their 10,000 Austin workers/drivers behind to fend for themselves. Since their workers are considered contract employees, there will be no

severance package or unemployment benefits for them.

This is part of the new “gig economy” — the latest corporate buzz-phrase from Silicon Valley to Wall Street. CEOs are hailing a Brave New Workplace in which we lucky worker bees no longer have to be suck in traditional jobs with traditional hours, traditional middle-class pay scales, traditional benefits, traditional job security, and all those other fusty “traditionals” of the old workplace, In fact, in the gig economy, you’re not even bothered with having a workplace. Rather, you’ll be “liberated” to work in a series of short-term jobs in many places, always being on-call through a mobile app on your smart phone or through a temp agency. How exciting is that?

Well, they use “exciting” in the sense of distressing and nerve-wracking. The gig economy means you’re on your own — you’re not an employee, but an “independent contractor,” with no rights and no union. You might have lots of calls to work this week, but there’ll be many weeks with no calls. Don’t get sick, injured or wreck your car, for no health care or workers’ comp are provided. A pension? Your retirement plan is called “adios chump.”

This “alternative work arrangement” is not a

JIM HIGHTOWER

futuristic concept — it’s already here and spreading fast. And it’s not just ride-hiring gigs either. Some 16 percent of U.S. workers are now in this on-call, temporary, part-time, low-pay, you’re-on-your-own economy, up from only 10 percent a decade ago. Corporate chieftains (backed by the economists and politicians they pur chase) are cre at ing what they call a workforce of non-employees for one reason: Greed. It directly transfers more money and power from workaday families into the coffers of moneyed elites.

Their gig economy is aptly named, for “gigs” are crude four-hook fishing devices that are dragged by commercial fleets through schools of fish to impale them, haul them in, and cash in on the pain. And if you don’t think the gig economy is painful, why don’t you ask the 10,000 Uber and Lyft workers in Austin how they feel about it?

Parting Shots: Health Care

16

Some say it’s working...

others say costs are out of control...

thanks to the greed built into the system.

Meanwhile, e-cigarette regulation is in its infancy.

HUMOR TIMES

June, 2016

Miscellaneous Mischief

June, 2016

HUMOR TIMES

17

More Mischief

18

HUMOR TIMES

June, 2016

June, 2016

HUMOR TIMES

19

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WILLIE’S

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Sacramento

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