Humor Times, August 2016

“Emancipate yourself from mental slavery; none but ourselves can free our minds.” – Bob Marley Issue #294

August, 2016

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HUMOR TIMES

August, 2016

Editor’s Letter

Deals & Discounts!

A word to Bernie Sanders supporters, of which I am one One old saying that always seemed to me to ring true is that “politics is the art of the possible.” Change comes slowly in a democratic republic such as ours. You have to accept compromise, hard as it is, unless you’re a dictator. Speaking of which, read on...

Would electing Hillary Clinton be a compromise for Bernie Sanders supporters? You bet. To many, an unacceptable compromise. However, as a responsible voter, you must consider the consequences of your actions.

The main complaint against Clinton is that she is “too corporate” — supporting the corporate side of issues, particularly relating to Wall Street, because she is beholden to them, due to their support of her candidacy.

But the reason she and so many other Dems suck up to corporate interests is the terrible state of the election finance system. They believe they have to, to get enough money to get elected.

Bernie went a long way toward disproving this, giving us all hope. Now we, as citizens, need to keep pressing that issue, locally and nationally, until we can change the system.

But letting a Republican, especially a certifiably psychopathic one like Donald J. Trump (www.vanityfair.com/news/2016/07/donald-trump-keith-olbermann-sanity-test), get into the White House out of spite right now is not the answer. He’s not just an entertaining but harmless blowhard, as many seem to think, he is a dangerous demagogue and wannabee dictator.

If for no other reason, please consider the current and upcoming Supreme Court vacancies.

Trump’s potential picks could set the campaign finance issue, as well as abortion rights, gay rights, and people’s rights in general, back by decades.

And to those who say there’s no difference between the parties: I would say, look no further than these recent party conventions. The Republicans brought a barrage of demonization and hatred toward their opponent, Hillary Clinton. They did not attack her on the important issues of the day, they did not attack their political opponent on ideas, but instead hurled many totally false accusations, inspired mob hatred, and equated the opponent with “Lucifer.” They’ve done a similar thing in past election years, but this year it was way over the top.

The Democrats, on the other hand did not call Trump “Satan,” they did not lie about him (they don’t need to, he’s already buried himself with his bankrupt morals, habitual lying, corrupt career and lack of interest in following the Constitution), they attacked on the issues. That’s a major difference, and it speaks to how the two parties govern as well.

I understand the frustration of Sanders supporters, I feel it myself. But the demographics are changing, and we as a country are making progress on important issues, albeit slowly. Please, don’t let your frustration contribute to setting our country back, and to putting an unpredictable, menacing demagogue in office.

– James Israel, Editor The Humor Times® (ISSN 1937 299X), Vol. 25, Issue 294, is published monthly by the Humor Times, 2034 20th St, Sacramento, CA 95818. Periodicals Postage Paid at Sacramento, CA and additional mailing offices. POSTMASTER: Send address changes to Humor Times, P.O. Box 162429, Sacramento, CA 95816-2429.

Editor: James Israel. Publisher: Jim LeDoux. Email: info@humortimes.com.

Phone: 916-455-1217. Printed by: Gold Country Printing, Auburn, CA 95603.

Contributors: P. Beckert, Steve Benson, Jeff Boldt, Ruben Bolling, Chris Britt, Jon Carter, Paul Combs, Will Durst, Michael Egan, John Glynn, Walt Handelsman, Jim Hightower, David Horsey, Ben Krull, Paul Lander, Dick Locher, Chan Lowe, Mike Luckovich, Gary Markstein, Lee Mays, Jack Ohman, Dan Piraro, Marshall Ramsey, Rob Rogers, Jay Schiller & Greg Cravens, Harley Schwadron, Drew Sheneman, Scott Stantis, Dana Summers, Tom Toles, Roz Warren, Dan Wasserman and others. Contributions: Send artwork/submissions to address or email above.

The Humor Times is available by subscription. It is printed on recycled paper, using 60% post-consumer fiber. All contents ©2016. No part may be reproduced without permission.

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August, 2016

HUMOR TIMES

3

All We Have to Fear is No Fear Itself Trump seems a bit ignorant about the constitution...

and is not religious, yet evangelicals believe in him.

The party establishment never did believe in him, though... and he’s been a real headache for them.

Regardless, the campaign has swung into high gear.

and things got pretty hairy...

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It is facing a bit of a funding problem, however...

but The Donald’s charm is hard to resist. (continued)

HUMOR TIMES

August, 2016

After a long search, Trump found his running mate...

and with Pence, he’s got all the bases covered.

to the inevitable.

Finally, he was ready to lead the party...

but the “Never Trump” faction was easily overcome.

It didn’t go quite as smoothly as hoped...

But even the state’s governor refused to show up...

August, 2016

and unsurprisingly, Ted Cruz was Ted Cruz-like. (continued)

HUMOR TIMES

5

Donald Trump, the Nigerian Prince of Politics Donald Trump likes to brag he’s not a politician. And he’s not; he’s a hustler, a scam artist, a grifter, a modern day P.T. Barnum who deserves congratulations for running the ultimate con on the American people. He’s a carnie with a glob of inedible cotton candy on his head.

Financial reports filed with the Federal Election Commission reveal someone focused on the best interests of Trump Inc., rather than the country. To him, we are the designated losers in this year’s rigged edition of “Presidential Apprentice.”

In 2000 Trump told Fortune Magazine, “It’s very possible I could be the first presidential candidate to run and make money off of it.” And that’s obviously the goal. He’s got four and a half months to make as much money as possible and is full speed ahead pursuing his windfall like a kid on Halloween a half hour before curfew.

For the New York businessman, it is now, has been and always shall be, all about the Benjamins. His wife and kids are on the payroll. So is an ex- wife and a couple of contestants from “The Apprentice.” And probably John Miller, the name he used when masquerading as his own publicist.

Almost a fifth of the money he spent in the month of May went to his companies, subsidiaries and properties. He billed his campaign over $400,000 for an event at the Florida re sort, Mar-A-Lago, where Donald Trump lives. He undoubtedly did that thing hospitals do by charging a hundred bucks for each ply of toilet paper. Trump branded toilet paper of course. Got to get me some of that.

Another half million went to Trump Tower, the other place he lives. He’s charging himself to sleep in his own bed. Wonder if Melania charges as well. Trump even paid himself $3,000. Which works out to $750 a week. An attempt to find out how the other 99

percent lives? Not likely.

Trump paid out $4.5 million to TAG Air for private jets. And guess who the CEO of TAG Air is? That’s right. Don the Con. Some other products the campaign purchased are Trump Wine, Trump Steaks, Trump Water and we shouldn’t be surprised to discover an itemized expense for Trump luggage to carry around the Trump ego.

All that talk about self-funding was just more snake oil sold to us rubes. Another bogus plea from the Nigerian Prince of politics.

He didn’t give money to his campaign, he lent it $37 million and expects to be paid back by the Republican National Committee.

The man is the Florence of malfeasance.

He loans money to the Trump Campaign which spends money on his properties, then solicits contributions from wealthy donors to pay himself back the money he loaned his campaign to buy stuff from himself.

This has to be straight out of a course at Trump University.

Double Dipping 101. His scampaign is nothing but a shell game with the GOP as the mark. Paul Ryan has a big old X on his back that can only be seen under infrared light.

It’s the classic vulture capitalist scenario. Swoop in, grab the money, then leave everyone else to clean up the mess. A Presidential Ponzi Scheme. Or in this case… a Donzi Scheme. Bernie Madoff would be proud.

Hillary Clinton Veepstakes A Vice Presidential pick is a defining moment in a campaign, motivating nominees to utilize unique strategies. Some try to accentuate their heavyweight status by partnering up with less vibrant versions of themselves in what might be called the “Bad Xerox Without Any Toner” maneuver. Think… Dan Quayle.

WILL DURST

Some candidates pick opponents who put up distinguished fights on the primary trail, even though the two get along like hot fudge sundaes and gravel rakes in the “One Plus One Equals Three” scenario. Lyndon Johnson and Al Gore fit this template.

Others look for anything semi-vertical and warm blooded, in the “Please, Somebody, Anybody, Say Yes” approach, which led George McGovern to pick Sargent Shriver after his first choice was revealed to suffer from depression (before being picked, as opposed to Shriver who was afflicted afterwards).

You have the “Game Changer” blueprint that gave us Sarah Palin and Admiral Stockdale. Who? Exactly. Then there’s the ever popular “Toughen the Kid Up by Giving Him a Taste of Satan” move, leading to Dick Cheney.

Looking presidential is not a problem for Hillary Clinton, as she has been involved in enough high profile intrigue, chicanery and deceit to give three or four late 19th Century administrations a run for their money. After eight years as first lady and four as secretary of state, she could plot her way to the Oval Office from the Lincoln Bedroom blindfolded. Of course, so could some of Bill’s dates.

So let’s check out the short list of candidates the former New York Senator had to pick from: Bernie Sanders, because otherwise his legion of supporters will evaporate like pixie dust in a hard rain.

Elizabeth Warren, although having two people of the same sex on a single ticket would be unprecedented. Oh wait, no, it wouldn’t.

Cory Booker, because the best way to mooch some of that Obama mojo is picking someone who many Americans think is the same dude.

Tom Brady would complete “The Team of Schemers.”

Ted Cruz could reveal inside info on which buttons to push to drive the GOP even crazier, not to mention really sticking it in Donald Trump’s craw.

Joaquin Castro, to cement the Hispanic vote, or his twin brother Julian. Or one of their uncles, Fidel or Raul.

Joaquin Phoenix, who can match Donald Trump crazy for crazy.

Joaqui n Guzman, a l s o known as El Chapo, to prove that in America, we believe in second chances. Also he’s a friend of Sean Penn and dresses nice.

Pete Rose, so both spots on the ticket will have the same haircut.

Stephen Curry, because who doesn’t love Stephen Curry?

Bill Cosby, who in comparison will make her the paragon of virtue. And if they lose, he’d be a perfect fall guy. He also provides assassination insurance.

Al Franken, because if the cam paign does go down the tubes, at least he can keep the bus laughing.

Joe Biden, who would provide continuity, having proved he can do the job. Of course, so would Cheney.

John Hickenlooper, because “Vice President Hickenlooper “is just fun to say.

FBI director James Comey because, come on, the guy deserves something, right?

And the winner, Tim Kaine, a man so safe and boring he could accept a charisma implant from Richard Gephardt.

Will Durst is an award- winning, nationally acclaimed political comic. Go to willdurst.com for info about the documentary film, “3 Still Standing” and calendar listings that feature future ap pear ances such as hi s one-man show, “BoomeRaging: From LSD to OMG.”

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HUMOR TIMES

August, 2016

All We Have to Fear (conclusion) Despite problems, the party did have a unifying theme.

But when Melania started copying Michelle....

Trump’s family did its best to be positive... some damage control was needed.

letting it all hang out in his acceptance speech. but when it was his turn, he went to the dark side...

With that, it was mission accomplished...

August, 2016

and the Republican Party’s future was set.

HUMOR TIMES

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Battle Lines Polls show a big majority want gun control...

but the majority of campaign money doesn’t.

And since a conservative court decided money is speech...

So, the battle rages on...

and all gun sales matter...

no matter who’s buying...

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well, that’s that.

or for what purpose.

HUMOR TIMES

August, 2016

Senseless

Here Come da Judge

Citizens of any race have a right to fair treatment...

A district court upheld religious neutrality‌

and to have their lives matter in the eyes of the law.

While the Supremes failed to back Obama...

People need to shut out the haters on TV...

and struck down Texas laws restricting abortion.

Meanwhile, Justice Ginsburg came out as anti-Trump.

and find common ground.

August, 2016

HUMOR TIMES

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Cartertoons • www.cartertoons.com

•

by Jon Carter

Cartertoons • www.cartertoons.com

•

by Jon Carter

“We Report, You Decry!”

Roll of Duct Tape Named Trump Communications Director In a further effort to professionalize their unconventional campaign, the Trump team today named a utility grade roll of silver Duct Tape as their new director of communications.

Campaign manager Paul Manafort stated the Scotch brand all-purpose adhesive will take the lead role over the campaign’s message and interactions with the news media as well as “forcibly preventing Trump’s stupid mouth from saying words.”

Manafort says the 1.88” by 30 yard roll of duct tape will also be vital in the campaign’s new social media strategy by “physically restraining Trump’s arms and hands to a metal chair which has been firmly bolted to the basement floor of Trump Tower.”

The roll of duct tape is one of a number of new hires the campaign has added to its communications team in recent days including: a grease-stained rag, a bottle of chloroform and a 40 foot length of rope.

At press time Mr. Trump was unavailable for comment on this story.

Reported by J Crock

Surgeon General’s Warning: Humor Times Habit-Forming The U.S. Surgeon General warned citizens about the national humor magazine, the Humor Times today, saying it was “habit forming” and could lead to serious bouts of belly-laughter, upsetting the habitually pessimistic.

“We’ve all heard the line, ‘laughter is the best medicine,’” the official said, “but is it, really? Perhaps too much of a good thing is just that – too much. Be careful out there, America.”

(Ed: Subscribe on page 3, if you can handle it. And please give subscriptions responsibly!)

Aspiring to the High Standards Set by Cable News

Plagiarism Scandal Worsens: Trump Accused of Stealing Entire Campaign from Mein Kampf CLEVELAND – The Trump plagiarism scandal intensified yesterday as top historians accused the family patriarch Himself of shoplifting most of His ideas from Adolf Hitler’s Mein Kampf.

On Monday, His wife Melania was accused of plagiarizing her speech from Michelle Obama.

On Tues day, His son Donald Jr. was accused o f p la g ia ri z in g his speech from an article

by F.H. Buckley in The American Conservative.

Now a “Gang of Five” famous historians, led

by Lincoln biographer Doris Kearns Goodwin, is accusing The Donald Himself of “a clear violation of international copyright standards” by basing his entire political strategy on a textbook execution of Hitler’s Mein Kampf.

“It’s well-known that Der Donald keeps a copy on his nightstand,” said Ms Goodwin at a press conference. “He even capitalizes pronouns referring to Himself in all His literature, like Hitler did. The copyright violations are simply intolerable and must be stopped, or we’re all doomed.”

Ms Goodwin added, “Where Hitler deliberately inflamed passions against Jews, Gypsies and homosexuals, Trump inflames passions against Muslims, Mexicans and homosexuals.”

She pointed out that also like Hitler, Trump’s program boils down to a few deliberately iconic symbols: the red baseball hat, “Make America Great Again,” and His mop of distinctive hair, as instantly recognizable as Der Fuhrer’s toothbrush mustache.

“Also there’s a kind of sexual subtext. Hitler only had one ball and Trump only has his stubby little fingers, if you know what I mean.”

Ms Goodwin noted that the world and civilization had in fact survived Hitler.

“Still, would we have gotten this far,” she wondered, “if in 1939 Germany had access to nuclear missiles and the ability to launch them at a second’s notice?”

The famed historian laughed mirthlessly. “It looks like we are all about to find out,” she said.

Reported by Michael Egan

It’s Official: Melania Trump is a ‘Public Health Crisis’ Red-faced, GOP admits anti-pornography stance would ban images of America’s future First Model, Melania Trump.

NYC – Republican Party leaders were crimson-faced yesterday after their platform commit tee adopted an “anti-por nog ra phy ” amendment censoring well-known images of Mrs Melania Trump.

As Donald Trump’s third wife, Mrs Trump is of course also Amer ica’s pre sump tive First-Lady-in-Waiting.

However, old photographs of Mrs Trump posing suggestively are generally available online and elsewhere, creating considerable embarrassment within the GOP over their adopted platform.

Some members say that her displays of public nudity exemplify the very “public health crisis” denounced by their platform committee.

One member derisively called her the nation’s “First Model.”

According to North Carolina delegate Mary Frances Forrester, who successfully proposed the amendment, “Like Mr Justice Potter said, we all know porn when we see it, and that’s what I see when I look at them pictures.

Near Miss at RNC: Tennis Ball Server Plot Averted Inside, Donald Trump screamed at America, ball and racket high above her head, and shouttrying his best to scare everyone into voting for ing, “I’ll serve it! I’ll serve it! HA! It’s 40-Love, a guy who has no experience in government, but last set, and I’ll ace this puppy! You’ll lose!” makes big money in his specialty, building Cleveland’s finest police officers swung into bankruptcies. ac tion. They knew ex“I know how to game actly what to do, taking a the system, been doing it page from Dallas police. for forty years. So, beThe y brought out lieve me, I’m the best guy “Blasty” the robot, camto rig it from the inside ouflaged in pink to blend for us billionaires. But in, with a bomb attached you poors will love it, to its spiny little fingers. trust me!” he shouted, as Guiding it toward the if to unruly children. armed grannie suspected Outside, a threat was terrorist, an officer in riot build ing t h at n e a r l y gear summoned his best brought down the entire Crazed plotter threatens to serve tennis ball. Donald Trump voice and convention: tennis balls. Not even a hundred as- screamed, “We will have Law and Order! Safety sault rifle-wielding redneck patriots could stop will be restored! Put down the tennis ball! them, distracted as they were by trying to look Slowly! Or we send in Blasty!” important and menacing.

Luckily, the tactic saved the day. She put the So, a squadron of riot police moved in, tennis ball down, and was taken into custody backed up by federal SWAT teams. Carefully, so and tortured, as per The Donald’s wishes. as not to set off the terrifying phalanx of Code America was safe again!

Pink women, a dozen strong, police confiscated The incident only seemed to strengthen suptheir frightening weapons: pink tennis balls. port for Trump. His supporters began tweeting What caused these pink-clad plotters to ig- in earnest: nore the law, which clearly stated that these dan“Deport all grannies, before they destroy gerous tennis balls were not allowed anywhere America from the inside!” near the site of the convention (but assault rifles “Make America Tennis-Free Again! Put Aswere a-ok), is not known. But police believed sault Rifle Patriots on Every Tennis Court!” they had contained the threat, and began arrestEven Trump himself tweeted: “Safety was ing these un-American tennis enthusiasts. restored, just as I promised! Now, I humbly say, Suddenly, however, one lone Code Pinker, a get back in your houses and cower before your 70-year-old grandma, appeared on top of a TVs. Or else Blasty may come after YOU!” newspaper stand, holding a fully loaded tennis Reported by James Israel

12

Headline News Section

“And so does my a-hole husband, never mind my teenage son.

Melania gave them both enormous hard-ons.”

Mrs Forrester added that even by less sub jective, “more scie n t i f i c ” standards, Melania’s pictures were obscene.

She noted that they have no redeeming artistic value, are calculated to deprave and corrupt, appeal to the prurient interest and definitely outrage rural community standards.

“Let’s face it,” she wound up, “they are simply meant to make young boys whack off.”

Asked by a reporter about her husband’s hard-on, she blushed and said, “Hypocrisy is the tribute shame pays to virtue.”

Reported by Michael Egan

Fox News Wants Clinton-Trump Debate in Benghazi The perfect place for a “fair and balanced” presidential debate, says Fox News WASHINGTON — Today, Fox News announced it wanted to host a presidential debate between Republican Donald Trump and Democrat Hillary Clinton in Benghazi, Libya. The spurious news network declared it would be the perfect place for Trump and Clinton to discuss American foreign policy sometime in October.

Fox News scouts site for Benghazi debate.

“Fox News has real journalists, and is not a propaganda network that incessantly disseminates right-wing talking points. Our team wants to give Americans the most fair and balanced debate between presidential candidates in the hist o r y A m e r i c a , ” d e c l a r e d F ox N e ws communications director Anita Dunn.

Dunn continued, “The one place that stuck out to us immediately as being a great debate location was Benghazi, Libya. It’s absolutely the perfect place for an equitable presidential debate with no political spin.”

“Everyone knows when Fox News runs a debate it never has a partisan agenda, and is only ever looking out for the best interests of the nation rather than a political party,” she explained.

A reporter inquired about where in Benghazi Fox News was thinking about holding the debate.

“I think the former American diplomatic compound would be the ideal,” replied Dunn.

Hillary Clinton did not reply to requests for comment.

No effort was made to ask Donald Trump for comment.

Reported by Alexander Vosh

Ripping the Headlines Today Making fun of the headlines today, so you don’t have to

By Paul Lander All you need to do is follow one simple rule: barely pay attention and jump to conclusions.

So, here are the headlines and my first thoughts: Trump blasts Ted Cruz for ‘not honoring the pledge’ after convention speech Rumor has it, he literally flipped his lid.

Tour de France 2016: Chris Froome extends lead to almost four minutes But, re member, kids, the Tour de France isn’t over until the skinny guy pees in a cup.

Hillary Clinton tabs Virginia Senator Tim Kaine to be VP It makes sense, bringing diversity to ticket. Hillary went to Yale Law School and Kaine Harvard.

Happy 76th Birthday, Alex Trebek I mean “Happy 76th Birthday, Alex Trebek?”

Melania Trump’s speech has an echo of Michelle Obama words I’m thinking Mela nia stole from Michelle Obama speaking about Barack to show that ‘Orange is the new Black.’

The Rolling Stones do not endorse Donald Trump for President That’s despite the song ‘Sympathy for the Devil.’

HUMOR TIMES

Trump picks Indiana Gov Mike Pence for VP By being chosen to run as Trump’s VP, Mike Pence officially wins this season’s ‘The Evil Sorcerer’s Apprentice.’

Roger Ailes out as Fox News Chairman Before he left he called for a grope hug.

Hubble Telescope takes pics of Dwarf Galaxy Should n’t that be ‘Lit tle People Galaxy?’

Matt Damon apparently only has 25 lines in new ‘Bourne’ While before going on set Charlie Sheen snorts that many lines.

Ex-KKK leader David Duke gives Trump acceptance speech rave review He awarded it 5 burning crosses.

Leaked Emails suggest DNC was conspiring against Bernie Sanders Given how well Bernie did, they did a pretty shitty job.

Kevin Durant claims no one has criticized him face-to-face for joining the Warriors In fairness, Kevin, you are 6 foot 9…

GOP Congressman says white people contributed more to civilization While black people contribute more to white people’s speeches.

Read more of Paul Lander’s columns at humortimes.com.

August, 2016

Brexit

Going Digital

No one could understand why Brits didn’t listen...

Pokémon Go has become quite popular…

and decided to swallow the bitter pill instead.

perhaps overly so.

Meanwhile, it’s easier to hate anonymously...

Results were immediate...

and the high-tech economy is leaving many behind.

but the Scots are planning their own “Scexit.”

August, 2016

HUMOR TIMES

13

Hillary’s Travails He had his own process...

but Bernie finally endorsed Hillary, sort of...

and some wonder if it wasn’t coerced.

But she finally captured him...

and for diehard Bernie fans, that hurt.

Meanwhile, Ms Clinton continues to be vilified...

even though the Benghazi issued fizzled...

14

from lack of evidence. (continued)

HUMOR TIMES

August, 2016

Partisan Hillary has inherited the “Teflon” label from Reagan...

The country is dividing, not uniting…

and is feeling stronger than ever... but the younger generation is more multi-cultural.

and totally vindicated.

Neither candidate is very popular...

Now she just has to convince everyone else.

August, 2016

as voters search for a “Vexit” (voter exit).

HUMOR TIMES

15

The Hightower Lowdown What’s Next for the Bernie Sanders Revolution?

As we approach the upcoming Democratic convention, let’s look back at the race… and forward to the future.

The mainstream media tried to reduce the two Democratic campaigns as a Hillary v Bernie war. The reality, though, is that most Sanders backers were enthusiastic precisely because his campaign’s purpose was far bigger than the usual personality politics. Supporters were signing up for a revolution against corporate rule.

To achieve this, we have to keep mobilizing for a truly democratic movement, and this is much harder than one presidential run. Sanders and close advisors are strategizing to help grow the grassroots rebellion — from school boards to Congress. This new coordinating effort will build on the framework and momentum of the campaign.

Outside of Sanders’ circle, a multitude of Bernie supporters are not waiting on a smoke signal from headquarters. With the primaries over and the convention starting, a mushrooming, percolate-up creativity has already burst into new organizing projects that are advancing this energized populist movement. Here are just two examples: The People’s Summit. In the world of politics-as-usual, a losing candidate’s supporters just drift away, but All-Things-Sanders tend to

be unusual. So, on June 17, just three days after the final Demo cratic primary, some 3,000 Berniecrats from all across America gathered in a Chicago convention center to “Keep the Bern Alive.” Rather than being morose or cynical about Sanders not winning the nomination, attendees were exuberant about the future and the movement that he galvanized. This extraordinary, uplifting event was a combination of tent revival and workshops for serious strategizing and organizing, and was rightly labeled a “Festival of Joyous Rebellion.” The two-day summit was convened by National Nurses United (a scrappy, aggressively progressive union) and co-sponsored by more than 50 diverse and effective democracy-building groups.

This meeting had a minimum of blah-blah and a maximum of planning on how to put experienced, locally-based organizers and volunteers directly into growing the movement — starting now. These ever-larger and broader local coalitions will: (1) be rooted in principled, anti-corporate politics; (2) launch direct grassroots initiatives and actions on a range of populist issues; (3) recruit, train, and elect thousands of movement candidates to school boards, city councils, state legislatures, and other offices; (4) deepen the relationships and sense of shared purpose in this revolutionary democratic move-

ment. And (5) — Make it fun — putting the “party” back in politics.

Brand New Congress. What if progressive organizers and volunteers joined forces to run a nationwide campaign to replace today’s corporate-owned congress — all at once? Yes, one sweeping campaign to oust all incumbents of either party who owe their jobs to the Big Money powers. Those congress critters, feeling snug in their gerry mandered rabbit holes, could be outed by hundreds of coordinated, Brand New Congress campaigns running simultaneously in every state. Each local campaign would back candidates publicly pledged to fight for an agenda of economic, social, environmental, and political justice.

Impossible? Not in the minds of Zach Exley, Becky Bond and other former Sanders staffers who conceived and implemented this campaign’s successful grassroots model that Exley calls “distributed organizing.” They trained and empowered tens of thousands of far-flung volunteers to be autonomous organizers, digitally linked into a nationwide network, eliminating the need and cost of a rigid hierarchy of “leaders” to boss volunteers, recognizing instead that vol un teers them selves are lead ers — in churches, clubs, workplaces, com mu nity groups, etc. Now they’re applying this model to Brand New Congress that will carry the message of authentic populism and a shared agenda of populist policy proposals.

BNC is to be a true bi-partisan effort, running

JIM HIGHTOWER

Dems in blue districts, Repubs in solid red ones, and independents whereever that makes sense.

But wait — how can BNC get Republican candidates to run on progressive values? By recognizing that true populism is neither a right or left theory, but a top vs. bottom reality that even middle-class and lower-income Republicans can relate to. (Note: In Vermont, which often elects Republican governors, Sanders won 71 percent of the vote in his last Senate race). Indeed, outside of the right-wing Congress, many rank-and-file Republicans would support stopping global trade scams and crony-capitalism corruption, as well as assuring health care for all, recognizing climate change, and standing up to bigotry.

Bernie has urged his supporters to keep pushing for their democratic ideals. “Real change never takes place from the top down. It always occurs from the bottom on up — when tens of millions of people say ‘enough is enough’ and become engaged in the fight for justice. That’s what the political revolution we helped start is all about. That’s why the political revolution must continue.”

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