“You know when you’re a star they let you do it. You can do anything. Grab them by the p****. You can do anything.” – U.S. President Donald J Trump Issue #299
February 2017
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HUMOR TIMES
February, 2017
Editor’s Letter
Fake Reality
Fake Inauguration Staged in Midst of Fake News Era Alleged President Donald Trump’s inauguration speech was riddled with “populist” messages about helping the middle class, but these were demonstrably fake, as evidenced by his actual actions leading up to the speech. As the old saying goes, “actions speak louder than words.” For example, he began the speech by saying, “...we are not merely transferring power from one administration to another or from one party to another, but we are transferring power from Washington, D.C. and giving it back to you, the people.” However, Mr Trump has nominated the richest cabinet ever, people with a long history of screwing the little guy to make a buck. Trump said, “What truly matters is not which party controls our government, but whether our government is controlled by the people.” But the popular majority greatly backs programs that Trump and his Republican congress have promised to take away or diminish so badly they will be unrecognizable: Social Security, Medicare, Food Stamps, public schools, environmental regulations, worker protections, and so on. So, how is that “government controlled by the people”? He went on, saying, “Every decision on trade, on taxes, on immigration, on foreign affairs will be made to benefit American workers and American families.” But the facts say the opposite. His tax plan will benefit the very richest, not “American workers and American families,” and his stance on immigration will ruin millions of hard-working, tax-paying families. In his very first hour in office he immediately set about to gut the Affordable Care Act, and further action promised by Republicans will undoubtedly take health care away from tens of thousands of people, many of whom voted for Trump. His first decision on foreign affairs did the exact opposite of benefiting the American people, it weakened our nation immensely: he accepted and encouraged the help of a foreign government in getting elected. In fact, Mr Trump is deeply indebted financially to that same government and its billionaire bankers: Russia. He weakens our standing in the world by having financial ties to Russia and its rich and powerful, as well as to other countries, like China. He refuses to disengage himself from those financial obligations, except to “hand them over” to his own sons. That is NOT a blind trust. And now, get ready, because behind the scenes, he and his rich cronies will work diligently to destroy everything that benefits the common citizen, if it stands in the way of any profits for the richest among us. Many voted for this huckster and con man because they thought he might be entertaining. Well, the only thing we have to look forward to that might be somewhat entertaining, in a pathetic, train-wreck kind of way, is the thousands of the banal, narcissistic, and ‘SAD’ tweets of a minority-elected, deplorable demagogue. – James Israel, Editor P.S. Be sure to check out the new Humor Times app for Android devices! (We’re working on one for iPhones and iPads, as well as other brands, coming soon.) The app is available now at the Google Play store online, just search for “Humor Times: The News in Cartoons.” Please install it today, and share it with others on social media. Help us go viral with it! P.P.S. The next issue may be the April Anniversary Issue. We may skip March, due to budget constraints. But that will give us more time to prepare the always-big anniversary issue for you! (We tend to get good ad support for that one.) The reality is, until we can increase subscriptions and/or advertising, we may be a nine-issue-a-year or so publication. Subscribers will still get the same number of issues they paid for, as we keep track by issue number, not month. Thank you for your understanding!
Donald Trump has a unique relationship with reality…
in that he totally ignores it.
But they say that history is written by the victors...
The Humor Times® (ISSN 1937 299X), Vol. 26, Issue 299, is published monthly by the Humor Times, 7271 Lindale Dr, Sacramento, CA 95828. Periodicals Postage Paid at Sacramento, CA and additional mailing offices. POSTMASTER: Send address changes to Humor Times, P.O. Box 162429, Sacramento, CA 95816-2429. Editor: James Israel. Publisher: Jim LeDoux. Email: info@humortimes.com. Phone: 916-758-8255. Printed by: Gold Country Printing, Auburn, CA 95603. Contributors: P. Beckert, Steve Benson, Jeff Boldt, Ruben Bolling, Chris Britt, Jon Carter, Paul Combs, Will Durst, Michael Egan, John Glynn, Walt Handelsman, Jim Hightower, David Horsey, Ben Krull, Paul Lander, Dick Locher, Chan Lowe, Mike Luckovich, Gary Markstein, Lee Mays, Jack Ohman, Dan Piraro, Marshall Ramsey, Rob Rogers, Jay Schiller & Greg Cravens, Harley Schwadron, Drew Sheneman, Scott Stantis, Dana Summers, Tom Toles, Roz Warren, Dan Wasserman and others. Contributions: Send artwork/submissions to address or email above. The Humor Times is available by subscription. It is printed on recycled paper, using 60% post-consumer fiber. All contents ©2017. No part may be reproduced without permission.
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February, 2017
HUMOR TIMES
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Inauguration Trump’s inauguration was a thing to behold...
as the nation held its collective breath.
He wants to be an historic president...
but his inauguration had a very different feel.
He recited the words, but what he really meant...
is something altogether different.
He celebrated at the Inaugural Ball with his best buds... and the entertainment was “the greatest.”
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HUMOR TIMES
February, 2017
‘I Can See Russia from My White House!’ The Grinch stole Christmas, and a whole lot more...
And how would The Donald know, anyway?
but that’s just what some spooks say.
The press is lying about him not paying attention, he says...
but even many Republicans are quite wary...
past and present.
Yet, crowds everywhere love him...
February, 2017
and he trusts Putin implicitly. (continued)
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5
2017 Resolutions We Should Be Making All right everybody; time to slap on a happy face and start thinking positively about the upcoming twelve months. And none of that, “You want positive? Okay. I’m positive this year is going to suck big beige banana slugs from Mars,” stuff, because that, my friends, is stinking thinking. Usually when a year goes down as gaggingly awful as 2016, folks frantically try throwing a monkey wrench into their continuum, vowing to make audacious behavioral alterations in an attempt to change the status quo. These adjustments often go awry and end up belonging to the “cut off your nose to spite your face” variety. Also known as the Voldermort Maneuver. Another problem is most resolutions are as unique as a white sweat sock in a junior high, boys locker room. Always the same old, same old; lose weight, learn a language, eat healthy, work out, not live under totalitarian regimes, construct a scale model of Trump Tower by bending paperclips. But what about other folks? Let’s waste some valuable time worrying about the important resolutions they probably haven’t made but definitely need to consider. 2017 Resolutions People Should Be Making: • Ivanka Trump pledges to find a foundation color for her father that reads less summer squash and more tequila sunrise. • Colin Kaepernick vows to kneel for the National Anthem, stand until his Forty Niner offensive line deteriorates, run, then kneel again before kissing the ground. • Chris Christie promises to perfect his lean and hungry look. • Rick Perry plans to study up on the Cabinet department he is about to head and is determined to remember its name. • Mike Pence will insure his people employ the latest strobe technology at press conferences to give the appearance of movement.
• The 115th Congress resolves to supersede the successes of the 114th Congress’ by accomplishing less than nothing. • The TSA finally solves the most dangerous of all security problems by banning passengers. • To allay conspiratorial fears, Vladimir Putin will drink a glass of water whenever Donald J. Trump speaks. • Paul Ryan vows to delineate conditions for a plan to replace Obama Care. The major condition is the buildup of frozen water in and around Hell. • Donald J. Trump is determined to make increasingly outrageous wacky zany statements until Saturday Night Live finally recruits him as a cast member. • PBS pledges not to do anything to tick off the new Congress and gradually morphs into the 24 hour Thomas the Tank Engine Network. • Kellyanne Conway vows to purchase Botox by the gallon jug to insure she betrays no actual emotion except her default mask of smug self-righteousness. • Anthony Weiner promises to purchase a one-way ticket on the Clue Train to an unknown destination and then stay there. • Hillary Clinton vows that no matter what happens she will never utter the words “I told you so.” • Bill Clinton, not so much. • Angela Merkel will take acting lessons to learn how to keep from snickering when discussing international relations with an orange clown. • Reince Priebus pledges to outline the administration’s plan to fix the Social Security problem once and for all. Unfortunately, it involves raising the retirement age to 90. • Mad Dog Mattis vows to open his Congressional confirmation hearing with “Who wants a piece of me?
WILL DURST
Republicans Advise: ‘Get Over It’ And now a few choice words for all Republicans advising Democrats to “stop whining about the election and get over it.” Oh, really. Get over losing a presidential election to a high-strung petulant flake soon to be in possession of the nuclear codes? Get over a man destined to be leader of the Free World tweeting frivolous 3AM insults at Alec Baldwin? Exactly how does one get over that, pray tell? A fistful of barbiturates? Four-year nap? An eternal tray of mango Margaritas? Love it or leave it? Like it or lump it? The shuffling off of mortal coils? Climb a tower? Couple rounds of Russian roulette? Perhaps an example of how Republicans get over something would help grease the skids here. Pull something out of your vast experience of “getting over it” for us. Like how you got over Barack Hussein Obama’s two election wins crying about his citizenship for 8 years like little babies with colic whose diapers needed to be changed? That kind of getting over it? Because, correct me if I’m wrong, but I seem to remember Mitch McConnell boasting that his first order of business as Senate Minority Leader was to deny Obama a second term. Epic fail on that getting over. I also seem to remember the GOP Congress refusing to pass anything that would smack of giving Obama a single legislative victory including obstructing bills they previously proposed. Classic case of cutting-off-your-nose-to-spite-your-face getting over it there. I seem to remember Republicans try ing to re peal Obama Care over 60 times. You mean that kind of getting over it? Does t he t er m “get t i ng over Benghazi” have any meaning here? Because if that’s the kind of bi par ti san hand-hold ing you’re looking for, you’re about to get your wish. Republicans aren’t just sore losers, they’re lousy winners too. If Hyp o crit i cal were an Olympic sport, the GOP would be deemed ineligible, having lost their amateur status right around the middle of Ulysses S. Grant’s first term. Republicans are to “getting over it,” what Martha Stewart is to vertical zinc mines and Wayne Newton is to rock & roll. Hillary Clinton won the popular vote by 3 million votes after be i ng gang t ac k l ed by Wikileaks, an orange clown, the FBI and Russia. You mean Democrats aren’t supposed to report getting mugged by a foreign power? Isn’t failing to report a felony illegal? Are you advocating aiding and abetting here? But then again, nobody really cares, since the Russians are white. Or is it the oil? Now Donald Trump is griping that nobody ever mentioned the possible hacking of the election until after he won. Wrong! There’s footage of him during the second debate saying maybe the hacking of the DNC’s emails wasn’t done by the Rooskies, but some 400-pound guy on a bed. Did he forget or is he just plain oblivious? The Trumpeteers have perfected whining to such an art form that Kellyanne Conway’s gelatinous platitudes should be part of the permanent collection of New York’s Met ro pol i tan Museum. We all know that if the ta bles were turned, Trump would be accusing Hillary of not only personally conspiring with Putin, but so deep in bed with him she could suck her comrade’s toes. Which, co-incidentally, are tiny. Will Durst is an award- winning, nationally acclaimed political comic. Go to willdurst.com for info about the documentary film, “3 Still Standing” and calendar listings that feature future ap pear ances such as hi s one-man show, “BoomeRaging: From LSD to OMG.”
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HUMOR TIMES
February, 2017
Russia White House (continued) / Cabinet Now that he’s all sworn in...
and has his own security team...
he’s ready to get down to work...
in his new home office.
Meanwhile, they rushed to push through his cabinet...
but many of his picks were suspect.
so he picked people he could really relate to. Trump promised he’d get “the best of the best”...
February, 2017
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Trump to Be ‘Best Prez Ever!’ Foreign policy challenges will greet the new president...
The world may be a bit concerned...
but he’s got it handled, he says.
Trump’s policies will change international relationships...
He’s got his own style, say supporters...
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but he is ready to meet them.
and will change things here at home.
and knows how to look out for No. 1. (continued)
HUMOR TIMES
February, 2017
Trump is taking over Washington...
and is getting comfortable in the White House.
and has a very different perspective.
He’s the new “great communicator”...
His supporters say the left is out of step...
and they just don’t get it.
and it may be time for a new “New Deal.”
But they are in for a rude awakening...
February, 2017
HUMOR TIMES
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Cartertoons • www.cartertoons.com
•
by Jon Carter
Cartertoons • www.cartertoons.com
•
by Jon Carter
“We Report, You Decry!” Trump Border Wall Plans Bring Surprise Economic Boom Trump’s promise of building a border wall along the U.S.-Mexico border has been a surprising boon to some U.S. industries. Huge orders have been pouring in for steel rails and the once nearly defunct rail car industry is now booming with increasing orders for a compact version of their passenger and cargo cars. Special orders have come in for powerful smaller, quieter train engines.
Drill machine companies that once depended on the waning coal industry have now been rejuvenated, and they are having a hard time keeping up with the demand for machines both large and small. Every industry involved in excavation has seen growth since Trump started talking about the wall, even down to those who manufacture and sell shovels and picks. It had been assumed that companies were stocking up in preparation for bids on building parts of the American “Great Wall.” However, a whistleblower has revealed that the American companies purchasing the equipment are also making huge profits selling the equipment to the drug cartels across the border, who are drilling so many elaborate tunnels under the proposed sites of the Wall that it looks like a prairie dog town. This reporter also has discovered that there are ongoing negotiations with the money-strapped Amtrak to provide the underground rail service. The only ones the Trump Wall appears to be putting out of work are the ruthless “coyotes” who charge huge fees to smuggle people by land across the border. Instead of suffering abuse and extortion from the coyotes, soon anyone wishing to enter the U.S. can just buy a ticket for a clean, safe, air conditioned ride. For a small additional fee, the passengers can purchase seats in the virtual reality cars for a ride worthy of Disneyland. Reported by Diane de Anda
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Aspiring to the High Standards Set by Cable News
Trump to Rename America Now-President-for-Life Donald J. Trump announced today that his first official act as President will be to rename the United States of America. “We’re going to make America great, again. Almost half of Amer i cans voted to make Amer ica great, again, and that’s what I’m going to do. I’m a smart businessman, smart. I’m smart. I wouldn’t be President if I wasn’t smart. “A smart businessman knows when a brand isn’t working. And what do you do with a business that isn’t working? You re-brand it! Sell people the same junk under a new name. So we’re going to rename the United States of America and make it great, again.” Democrats House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi registered her opposition. “You can’t rename the United States,” she said, sternly. “That’s all we can do. He’ll know, now, he’ll get some stern stares from the Democrats.” But se nior Trump ad vi sor Kellyanne Conway quickly dismissed the notion. Appearing on Fox and Friends, Ms. Conway pointed out, “There’s nothing in the Constitution that prohibits the president from renaming the country. Almost half the people of the United States voted for change. It’s time the whiny Democrats shut up – or else!” When asked what the new name of the
United States would be, Trump said, “What greater name than the name almost half of all Americans voted for – Trump. Trump is a name known all over the world. It means greatness. “I gave this idea a lot of my s upe r- sm ar t br ai n power and took sug gestions from a few of my closest advisers and buddies. Here are some of the names I considered: Trumpistan: My buddy Putin came up with that one. But Trumpistan didn’t quite have the right ring to it for me. TrumpiKKKa: Steve Bannon liked that one. After all, I’ll be President for all the rich, white people. So not really a good name. Maybe if we could put a dollar sign in the name. United States of Trump: But California and a few other states don’t seem to like me as President. That will change, though. As Commander-in-Chief, I now have tanks, and I can now make sure all the states are united.” “We’ll build a great statue to commemorate the event, the moment I made Trump (formerly the USA) great again. It will be a great statue of me. Of course. Don’t worry, we’ll tear down that ugly green statue, and put up an enormous, orange statue of me. “Don’t forget – I’ll have tanks.” Reported by Ron Keith
Revealed: Inaugural Committee’s Last Ditch Effort to Dig Up Celebrity Attendants Just days before the swearing in of Donald J. Trump, the inaugural committee continued to be met with a very high lack of enthu s i a s m for participation by big name celebrities. M r. Trump, w ho con sid ers himself a big name ce leb rity, had pushed the committee to reduce the level of his embarrassment. News leaked today indicates that the committee went beyond the normal invitation process to include at least one big name. The addition of the deceased Andrew Brietbart to the list of attendees was originally met with the usual response about the incompetence of the Trump administration, until the details of their
plan was uncovered. The committee had petitioned Hillside Memorial Park to have the body of the late Mr. Brietbart exhumed in order to have it displayed prominently at the inauguration. Religious leaders who were contacted about this unusual move were horrified when they realized the lack of morality that their preferred candidate was showing. Several were upset to the point that they expressed regret for advocating for the son of Satan and might skip the inauguration themselves, regardless of the loss of an extra paycheck. Former Brietbart editor Steven Bannon expressed his surprise that anyone would be offended. In a statement, Mr. Bannon said, “Look, this guy has got to lay around somewhere, it’s not like he would have endorsed this asswipe for president, it’s just us giving him a little more daylight than he was due.” Reported by Mike Kelly.
system divisional classification. There are ten main classes of the Dewey Decimal system and each class is broken down into ten hierarchical divisions. That makes 100 total divisions. If you read an average of one book every two weeks, you will have read a book from all 100 divisions by the time Trump steps down from office. And you will know a little bit about absolutely everything in the process! • Enter a series of medically induced comas. Did you know: the longest medically induced coma on record was six months. Thus, the possibility exists to undergo a series of separate six-month-long comas (up to eight!), waking up periodically to cast your ballots in the 2018 midterm and 2020 presidential elections. (The DNC recommends first that you consult with your healthcare practitioner). Sometimes the best way to speed the passage of time is to eliminate all awareness that time is even passing! According to Donna Brazile, DNC Interim Chair: “We felt an obligation to restore hope to people. The next four years will be tough but they don’t have to necessarily slog on. With willpower and creativity, anyone can make four years feel like four months.” Reported by Eileen McVety
Brietbart Updates Company Health Care for Men “Making Employees Complete Dicks Again” plan Brietbart News, better known for their alt-right white supremacist views than their concerns for peoples rights, announced a new addition to the limited health options available for their employees.
Just the type of dicks the initiative is aiming for.
Going against a long history of denying rights and benefits for their workers, the company is now offering all male employees the ability to receive a company-financed circumcision reversal. The procedure, though not widely accepted in the medical community, due to the high degree of risk with little to no reward, is something that upper management believes will help those male employees who have performance issues due to being stigmatized by the Jewish tradition of circumcision. They fully expect to see a turnaround and feel it is well worth their money. During a confidential analysis that was performed using security cameras that are managed by Tech Editor Milo Yiannopoulos, they were able to clearly identify that over 75% of their current male employee population has in fact been circumcised. Editor Marlow stated, “With this program we hope to enable our male employees to once again be the total dicks that we know them to be.” A review of health offerings available for their female employees revealed that other than the weekly visual breast examination by management, there wasn’t much that would contribute to their physical or mental well being. Editor Marlow promised that this shortcoming will be addressed once they have completed the translation of new female benefits from Russian. Former editor Bannon had requested a waiver to allow him to be able to participate in the program, but was denied due to length, which does not appear to be related to his years of service. We could not obtain any further information regarding this denial, despite making numerous attempts. Reported by Mike Kelly.
Ripping the Headlines Today
DNC: Tips for Making Next Four Years Sail By Responding to an onslaught of “despair mail” from disheartened Democrats longing to fast-forward to November 2020, the Democratic National Committee today released suggestions for how to hasten the passage of the next four years. The DNC’s sug gestions, posted to the organization’s website, are listed below: • Walk around the earth. Min ne sota-born ad venturer Dave Kunst was the first individual to do so in 1974. His 14,452-mile-trek took him four years and four months to complete. What a great way to spend the Trump ad min is tration—combining fitness, ad ven ture, and global memories to last a lifetime. • Become fluent in Spanish. Or German. Or Arabic. Learning a new language is a great way to immerse yourself in another culture…a culture that doesn’t have Trump for a president. • Become a licensed dentist. It generally takes four years for someone with a bachelor’s degree to complete dental school. Think of that: by the time the next president (God willing) is being sworn in, you can be on your way to entering a thriving dental practice and making a handsome six-figure salary! • Read one book from every Dewey Decimal
Headline News Section
Making fun of the headlines today, so you don’t have to By Paul Lander. All you need to do is follow one simple rule: barely pay attention and jump to conclusions. So, here are some headlines today and my first thoughts: Kellyanne Conway says she ‘didn’t see the point’ of the Women’s March And, all the traffic interfered with her getting to work at ‘Hotdog on a Stick.’ George Will: Trump delivered ‘The most dreadful inaugural address in history’ In fairness, George, the speech was much better in the original Russian. Kourtney Kardashian steps out with Justin Bieber Anyone still against free birth control? Happy 95th Birthday, Betty White Way to go, girl. 2016 can kiss your ass. ‘El Chapo’ Guzman turned over to US So, looks like Trump found his new Head of DEA. Obama’s approval rating hits 60% Who says Trump has yet to accomplish anything? Donald Trump mistakenly tweets to the wrong Ivanka Even the wrong Ivanka gets more attention than Tiffany Trump.
HUMOR TIMES
A&E boss says Scientology is harassing her over Leah Remini’s TV show Sorta fair after A&E harassed the rest of us with Duck Dynasty. Spicer earns ‘Four Pinocchios’ for false claims on inauguration crowd size In fair ness, all those wom en on Sat ur day were there for Trump, so you have to add the two crowds together. Record Turnout! Kanye West not invited to perform because inauguration will be ‘typically and traditionally American’ Instead, in keeping with American tradition, a cop will pull him over for no reason. Chelsea Manning to be freed by President Barack Obama Not to be confused with Eli Manning for whom this season Giant fans had little forgiveness. Pro-Weed group in D.C. gives away more than 8,000 joints on Inauguration Day Now we’re talking ‘grass’ roots! Happy 46th birthday, Kid Rock At that age, you might want to change your name to ‘Middle Aged Elevator Music.’
Read more of Paul Lander’s columns at humortimes.com.
February, 2017
Environment, Undone
Ethics, Redefined The Republican Congress couldn’t help overreaching...
Trump will set off a new corporate gold rush…
but it didn’t go over too well.
and doesn’t much care about dire warnings.
The consequences will be (and are) very real... It seems the people want some accountability...
and wishing them away won’t help. but Repubs are sure it’s only a temporary setback.
February, 2017
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From Obamacare to Wedontcare Trump voters are celebrating now...
but may be in for a painful surprise.
Republicans say they have a plan...
but they say a lot of things.
A plan that meets the country’s needs would be a lot of work...
Meanwhile, they’re forging ahead...
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but they prefer the easy way out.
and promising “access” instead of actual coverage.
HUMOR TIMES
February, 2017
Cast Out Democrats are facing an existential crisis...
and many boycotted the inauguration.
All they’re left with now is fond memories...
and a crumbling legacy.
Obama tried to be stoic in passing the torch...
and now it’s left to Trump.
Life goes on... and Democrats are left wondering.
February, 2017
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Miscellaneous Mischief
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HUMOR TIMES
February, 2017
February, 2017
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The Hightower Lowdown A Political Party Worth Joining The best political party in America is not the Dems nor the Repubs. By far, the best political party is a real party named “Fighting Bob Fest.” It’s a daylong, outdoor political festival run by a coalition of Wisconsin progressives who believe in “putting the party back in politics.” Held in Madison every September, Bob Fest is like a “state fair” of politics, not only featuring give-’em-hell speechifying and hot populist issues — but also terrific edibles from a dozen food trucks, bottomless kegs of great local beers, lively music, dozens of activist booths, games, political humor, a farmers market and… well, fun! The idea behind Bob Fest is to have a political event that people actually want to come to. Plus, not only is admission free, but Bob Fest is also proud to be corporate-free, rejecting any funding or ads by corporate interests. It’s a volunteer-run festival of, by and for regular people, and it pays for itself each year by passing the bucket and getting staff support from The Pro-
gressive, the feisty, populist-spirited magazine founded 107 years ago by Sen. Robert “Fighting Bob” La Follette. Yes, Fighting Bob Fest is named for La Follette, a truly great U.S. Senator who was renowned for battling the corruption of American politics by corporate money. In fact, when he was Wisconsin’s governor a century ago, La Follette passed a law banning corporations from making donations to political candidates — a law that is still in effect. However, corporate interests today use front groups in a political ploy to bypass such bans and dump millions of dollars into their chosen candidates — including Wisconsin’s current governor. Some magicians perform mind boggling magic tricks, such as levitating themselves, apparently with no hidden force lifting them up. But remember, the key word in “magic trick” — is trick. Scott Walker, for example, is quite the political trickster. This right-wing extremist be-
came so unpopular in his first term as Wisconsin’s governor that he faced a recall election in 2012. Yet he seemed to rise in front of our very eyes, magically lifting himself above the public’s anger to avoid defeat. How’d he do that? As reported by The Guardian newspaper, some 1,500 secret emails, court testimonies, and financial records were uncovered, revealing that Walker had a hidden lifeline of corporate cash hoisting him up. Despite a Wisconsin law specifically prohibiting corporations from funding political candidates, millions of those banned dollars were pumped into the guv. The trick is that the corporate checks were sent to supposedly-independent political outfits that, thanks to the Supreme Court’s ridiculous Citizens United decree, are allowed to take unlimited campaign funds without disclosing the names of the corporate donors — provided that the independent groups do not in any way coordinate their electoral efforts with the campaign of the candidates they want to elect. Even if obeyed, this farcical rule essentially sanctions organized corporate corruption, but Walker & Company didn’t even try to obey it. Rather the governor asked everyone from the
JIM HIGHTOWER
Koch brothers to Home Depot to Donnie Trump to funnel checks to the “independent” political groups back ing him. He wrote per sonal thank-you notes to the donors, and even had his media strategist handle the ads for both his campaign and the groups. Scott Walker, his front groups, and his corporate donors aren’t a magic act — they’re debouched thieves, stealing our democracy to impose their plutocracy over us. They’re mocking the law and the people. That’s the importance of bringing us mockees together in big events like Bob Fest — where 10,000 Wisconsinites gathered last year in the fighting spirit of La Follette, determined to stop the corporate governor’s cynical end run. To learn more about Fighting Bob Fest, go to www.FightingBobFest .org.
Parting Shots: Everything is Fake News Now The media is facing a trustability crisis...
Meanwhile, talking heads are interchangeable...
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and is being challenged by a man who knows the game.
and it’s getting harder and harder to discern the truth.
HUMOR TIMES
February, 2017
February, 2017
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