July, 2017

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July 2017

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HUMOR TIMES

July, 2017

Editor’s Letter As Senate Republicans careen toward finalizing a disastrous so-called “health care” plan that is more like a “wealth care” plan for the very rich, most Americans are aghast.

How can such an unpopular move be so close to actually happening? Simple: Republicans are convinced they will not have to pay much of a price for denying health care to over 20 million people and causing the insurance rates of pretty much everyone over the age of 30 to skyrocket.

In a normal, functioning democracy, they certainly would pay for their evil deeds. After all, when you do something so harmful to a vast majority of the population — all in the name of padding the bank accounts of the already incredibly rich — well, you would expect consequences.

But not here in America in the early twenty-first century. No sirree. That’s because what we have can no longer be called a “functioning democracy.”

That’s right, here in the good ol’ US of A, former beacon of righteousness and shining example of a majority middle class, things have changed. Sure, we’re still “powerful,” in a military sense, but no longer in so many areas in which we used to lead.

The power of the U.S. dollar, formerly the stable pillar for the world’s economy, has declined so precipitously that the world may soon turn to the Euro or even the Chinese Yen as the world “reserve currency,” or replace it with a new global currency. Thanks to the current White House resident, we have abdicated our role as leader in combating the disastrous effects of climate change. We have allowed countries like Germany to dominate the rising alternative energy sector, thanks to our politicians’ habit of bending over backwards to please the oil industry.

And now, we stand poised to reverse the recent modest gains we made in health care — not only by revoking the admittedly highly-flawed Obamacare, but making the system even worse than before, as the Republicans threaten to destroy Medicaid as we know it. Instead of making sensible improvements to the popular changes that Obama, the Democrats and a few moderate Republicans have instituted, today’s GOP would rather blow it all up, and damage the health care system perhaps irrevocably — simply out of spite, it would seem. And out of greed, of course.

The only bright side of all this is that it is renewing calls for a “Medicare for All” single payer system, the only solution that really makes any sense — as the rest of the world has known for decades. Polls show this is actually a very popular strategy, not only among Democrats, but also, amazingly, among a majority of Republicans. So, in a functioning democracy, the majority would get their way, right?

However, as I said, the Republican Party does not expect to pay for their hugely unpopular move, and they may well be correct.

The reason? Over the last decades, they’ve very astutely worked at the state level successfully taking over state legislatures and governorships. They managed this while the Democratic Party was asleep at the wheel, apparently convinced the presidency was all that mattered. With this newfound state power, the GOP was able to gerrymander, creating byzantine voting districts of strange and bizarre shapes, all in a successful effort to create a majority of districts that they could not lose — thus creating an impenetrable majority in the House of Representatives. In fact, even though Democrats in recent elections have garnered more House votes nationally, Republicans maintain a large majority of seats.

They are more vulnerable in the Senate, but have apparently calculated that in the upcoming 2018 midterms they have enough safe seats to hold a majority. They further apparently surmise that by 2020, Americans will have forgotten all about the health care disaster they are fomenting — a risky move, to be sure, but one that the recent sad history of voters’ short attention spans may validate.

Somehow, we need to prove this cold, heartless political calculation to be completely false — and in the process, revive American democracy.

– James Israel, Editor P.S. Please help support all forms of media that endeavor to oppose the entrenched insanity threatening our world, including this publication! Subscriptions make great gifts, and can be sent to anyone in the world, in both digital and hard-copy formats! Thank you!

P.P.S. Be sure to check out the new Humor Times app for Android devices! (We plan on launching an iOS version soon.) The app is available now at the Google Play store online, just search for “Humor Times: The News in Cartoons.”

The Humor Times® (ISSN 1937 299X), Vol. 26, Issue 303, is published monthly by the Humor Times, 7271 Lindale Dr, Sacramento, CA 95828. Periodicals Postage Paid at Sacramento, CA and additional mailing offices. POSTMASTER: Send address changes to Humor Times, P.O. Box 162429, Sacramento, CA 95816-2429.

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Contributors: P. Beckert, Steve Benson, Jeff Boldt, Ruben Bolling, Chris Britt, Jon Carter, Paul Combs, Will Durst, Michael Egan, John Glynn, Walt Handelsman, Jim Hightower, David Horsey, Ben Krull, Paul Lander, Dick Locher, Chan Lowe, Mike Luckovich, Gary Markstein, Lee Mays, Jack Ohman, Dan Piraro, Marshall Ramsey, Rob Rogers, Jay Schiller & Greg Cravens, Harley Schwadron, Drew Sheneman, Scott Stantis, Dana Summers, Tom Toles, Roz Warren, Dan Wasserman and others. Contributions: Send artwork/submissions to address or email above.

The Humor Times is available by subscription. It is printed on recycled paper, using 60% post-consumer fiber. All contents ©2017. No part may be reproduced without permission.

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July, 2017

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3

So-Called Investigation It was Comey’s story vs Trump’s...

and the president remained confident.

The optics weren’t good for him, though...

and it seemed like déjà vu all over again.

Sessions was next to testify before the august Senate body...

Meanwhile, the investigation goes on...

4

or not.

spinning a tale of intrigue. (continued)

HUMOR TIMES

July, 2017

Trump seems blissfully unaware...

and unwilling to budge.

Meanwhile, Jared’s secret was revealed...

and so was some voter roll hacking.

But Putin’s strategy seems to be working... and he doesn’t even have to do much.

They’re no doubt happy with recent developments...

July, 2017

but for Trump, the forecast looks bleak.

HUMOR TIMES

5

Snowflakes Want Me to Be Nicer to Trump This award-seeking, hard-hitting, investigative journalistic fea ture has been harshly crit i cized by cer tain grammatically-challenged snowflakes.

I need to stop and thank all the nice folk who’ve been kind enough to take time from their busy schedules to provide this column with some constructive criticism. By the way, snowflakes, moron is spelled with two Os, idiot, doesn’t have an E and using all caps is frankly, rather rude.

It seems a segment of my loyal audience has come to the considered opinion that this award-seeking, hard-hitting, investigative journalistic feature needs to be more positive as concerns our 45th president, Donald J. Trump. And they do not mean to hear he is positively a puppet of a dyspeptic alien lizard and our country is now knee-deep in despicable doo-doo and will be for 3 years and 7 more months.

It is my most recent musings that have been accused by a grammatically-challenged few as skewing towards the contrary, overly focused on the gloomy, and said unsolicited feedback implores me to make efforts concentrating on the uplifting and employing a more optimistic myopia.

It should be pointed out that the job description of political humorist does entail this sort of mocking and scoffing and taunting no matter the partisan nature of the White House occupant. That’s part of the deal. You would think people who supported a guy who called opponents “Little Marco,” “Lying Ted” and “Crooked Hillary” would realize that “Stupid Donald” was in the offing. Especially with such low-hanging fruit.

Everything is fair game, including, but not limited to, all administrative behaviors such as mendacity, stupidity, duplicity, chicanery, hypocrisy, humidity, treachery and treason. Then throw in verbatim quotes, physical features, speech patterns and an exact recitation of actions and the satirical possibilities bloom into a cornucopia of delights.

Admittedly, it is much easier to vamp on the current confusion and malfeasance than during the previous administration when scandals were at such a premium that Fox News once feigned outrage that President Barack Obama wore a beige suit.

But for those of you who feel that there has been a bias on the part of your intrepid correspondent, please accept our heartfelt apologies, and allow Durstco to make it all up to you, by calming the waters with a list of these affirmative aspects of living in America during the Time of Trump.

• The next president won’t have to worry about living up to impossibly high standards.

• Donald J. Trump guaranteed a post-presidential, promotional tie-in with Twitter.

• No longer have to study Theater of the Absurd in French.

• Washington D.C. legal industry specializing in criminal defense experiencing a growth spurt.

• The president has done for political comedy what legalized marijuana did for Cheetos.

• The phrase “witch hunt” has reentered the popular lexicon.

• Even racist, xenophobic, misogynist, incompetent blowhards need role models.

• His cabinet announced they are blessed to serve him and that his eyes are dreamy.

• Didn’t allow Ted Nugent to sing at his Inauguration.

• Actual proof to the old adage that in America, anyone can grow up to be President, as long as they’re not a woman.

• Both Democrats and Republicans united in their disdain for James Comey.

• Don’t ever have to worry about this First Lady running for president.

• Russian language schools are swamped.

• Sales of Maple Leaf patches to be sewn onto backpacks when

WILL DURST

traveling overseas have skyrocketed.

Feel better now, people?

Make America Jurassic Again President Donald Trump possesses a style described by friends as virile and intuitive and by foes as oafish and oblivious. Some see him a breath of fresh air, with a disarming directness, and others consider him a blustering bully with the grace of a pile of crumbling cement blocks cascading off a flatbed truck. Passionate versus fool-hardy. Eager slash hasty. Swift or rash.

But these are principally domestic arguments. The international community is not so divided. They view our new Chief Executive as a brutish barbarian whose goal is to antagonize the rest of the planet. Not just the other nations of the world, but Mother Earth herself.

45’s first overseas trip initially dropped him successfully in Saudi Arabia and Israel where he mostly antagonized his wife.

Then the reality TV star traveled to a NATO meeting where he scolded its members, and demonstrated how to put America first by shoving the Prime Minister of Montenegro to the side in order to rush to the front of a photo shoot. “Out of the way, pal.”

Arriving home, Trump leaped back onto the Twitter Train, shooting out a midnight tweet ending with the words “press covfefe.” He either spelled the word “coverage” wrong or was rhapsodizing about the java coming out of his French Press. Or both.

What happened after that, nobody knows. Perhaps he drifted off, confident that he had rallied the troops. Or maybe he realized his mistake and tried to correct the spelling but was betrayed by his undersized digits and ended up hitting “send.”

We’ve all done it. Most of us would have stopped, de leted and started over. But President Golden Canopy not only left aloft this incoherent muddle, the next day he doubl ed down wi t h an ot her incomprehensibility, “Who can figure out the true meaning of ‘covfefe’???

Enjoy!”

Unable to resort to his usual lame obfuscation, “the tweet speaks for itself,” because it didn’t, spokesperson Sean Spicer insisted the president and a small group of people knew what the post meant but couldn’t keep a straight face when saying it.

Because the president is incapable of admitting a mistake. Ever. Not even a misspelled word. Simply put, the malignant orange narcissist is purposefully messing with us. The President of the United States is screwing with his constituents over a typo. He’s 12.

Later he told Planet Earth to take a hike, announcing America was pulling out of the Paris Climate Accord.

His reasoning for joining Syria and Nicaragua to stand against 194 signers of the pact is it would handicap our country economically. And with him in charge, the fewer handicaps, the better.

Trump is intent on fulfilling his campaign promise to Make America Jurassic Again, even though over forty major US corporations including GM, GE, Chevron, Shell, Apple, Exxon-Mobil and BP favor the agreement, because they have come to the opinion that the extinction of the human species might not be good for business.

Liberals fear a hidden agenda of the GOP’s Plan is to step up global warm ing to raise ocean wa ters, thereby flooding California coastline cities turning the state’s 55 electoral votes re li ably red. Then again, maybe, when the President mentioned that he doesn’t want other countries laughing at us anymore, what he was really saying is he’s ready to step down. Fingers crossed.

Will Durst is an award-winning, nationally acclaimed political comic.

Go to willdurst.com for info about the documentary film, “3 Still Standing” and calendar listings that feature future appearances such as his one-man show, “BoomeRaging: From LSD to OMG.”

6

HUMOR TIMES

July, 2017

Losers. SAD! Hillary got back in the action...

but she had lost her powers.

Liberals seem to be confused and losing their way...

and Americans can’t agree on anything.

Dems aren’t getting much mileage out of old strategies...

and it’s getting embarrassing.

They may need to look elsewhere...

July, 2017

because their “moral victories” are ringing hollow.

HUMOR TIMES

7

Health Scare It’s a delicate operation...

one best done in private, with the utmost care.

They aren’t revealing much...

but promise exciting results.

Americans are caught in the middle...

and are preparing for the worst.

But Republicans insist we trust them...

8

because, why shouldn’t we? (continued)

HUMOR TIMES

July, 2017

The storm is gathering...

and early reports aren’t good.

Some tough love is required...

but it will all be worth it, they say.

Even many Republicans are worried...

but they march on in lockstep.

They promise an efficient, lean plan...

July, 2017

but the final diagnosis could surprise them.

HUMOR TIMES

9

Cartertoons • www.cartertoons.com

•

by Jon Carter

Cartertoons • www.cartertoons.com

•

by Jon Carter

“We Report, You Decry!”

White House Adds ‘Dignity and Morality Waivers’ to Ethics Waivers Move will ‘supplement recent waivers,’ providing relief for an ‘administration beleaguered by fake moral concerns,’ said Spicer.

In a move George Orwell called “Me-ian” from the grave today, via GoogleSeanceTM technology, the White House announced they would be adding “Dignity and Morality Waivers” to the ethics waivers extended to everyone in the cabinet recently.

Sean Spicer: “We’re simply freeing the President from constraints he’s never had to deal with in his life before..”

“We’re just trying to be thorough,” said Sean Spicer at a press conference. “We don’t want to be accused of being unethical.”

Donald Trump immediately tweeted: “If you’re not doing anything wrong, then why do you need these namby-pamby liberal rules? #EthicsAreForLosers.”

“Now that we’ve got an alternative language and morality, we can more easily develop an alternative to a health plan, without worrying about fake criticism that we’re being ‘immoral.’ This will also free the President to work on developing an alternative economy and an alternate reality,” said Spicer.

“Try twisting that, you fake news writers!” he added.

George Orwell said this administration is “way beyond anything I imagined” in Nineteen Eighty-Four. “Hell, I thought I was reaching deep into the dark side,” he said via GoogleSeanceTM, “but these guys act like frat boys, like they think it’s all fun and games!”

“Scary shit,” he added.

“First on the agenda,” Spicer announced, “will be to eliminate all health care insurance restraints via presidential edict — er, I mean, Executive Order — and let the free market sort it out. We expect record profits for insurance CEOs and Wall Street, and the beauty is, no one has to feel ‘guilty’ about it!”

Reported by James Israel

Headline News Section Aspiring to the High Standards Set by Cable News

Macron Offers ‘Vulcan Death Grip’ Seminars for World Leaders “L’idiot needs to be stirred, not shaken. I will show le monde how to do it.” – Pres. Macron PARIS – Emmanuel Macron, the recently elected president of France, has announced a new international training pro gram called “The Seven Effective Hand-Shak ing Hab its of Highly Suc cess ful People Who Must Deal with Trump.”

“Trump’s trademark hold-and-tug handshake is his fa vor ite power move,” Macron said. “But like 007’s martini, he must be stirred, not shaken.”

Already 15 presidents and premiers have signed up, including Montenegro’s President Filip Vujanovic, embarrassingly shoved aside by the Ugly American at the recent NATO summit. Even the Pope has enrolled.

Unconfirmed reports indicate that Melania Trump will conduct a free “hand swatting” module for the women, including moves on how

to avoid being pussy-grabbed.

“The seminar’s first segment will be called L’Approche, (The Approach),” said Macron, who ini tially hu mil iated the U.S. president by appearing to greet him with his hand extended but then suddenly swerved to hug Ger many ’s Angel a Merkel and others. For sev eral mo ments he turned his back on Trump.

Finally Macron acknowledged him, countering Trump’s trademark yank with his own karate-based up per-arm slap fol lowed by a vice-like grip apparently so tight the American gulped and paled.

“I teach this manoeuvre in Module Two, Le Grippe Vulcane du Mort,” (The Vulcan Death Grip, or “Spock”) said Macron.

Reported by Michael Egan

EPA Designates White House ‘Toxic Waste Site’ Environment at the White House seen as “highly toxic” The EPA today reported that it has begun the process of declaring the White House a toxic waste site under its Superfund program.

Un offi cially des ig nat ing it the “Trump Dump,” the EPA claims the White House may be one of the most toxic waste sites in the country, due to the sheer volume of leaks coming out of various departments.

“The environment at the White House is highly toxic, and we aren’t sure when and if the mansion will ever be fully restored to its previous splendor,” said a high-ranking EPA official, dubbed “Deep Hole” by the press Not to be confused with the “Dump Trump” campaign by liberals, the Trump Dump has the President’s staff more than a little worried.

Deep Hole did not seem to be overly concerned that the President, himself, is more than likely contaminated from the stinky business going on in the White House. He is, however, concerned about the eyewitness reports in recent weeks of an eerie orange glow that can be seen enveloping the White House in the evening. The color is most prominent at the upstairs residence of the President.

When asked if there were alternative plans besides declaring the White House a hazardous

The White House has been emitting an “eerie orange glow” lately, according to reports.

waste dump, Deep Hole replied, “No, not really.

The White House is pretty much a goner at this point.” But he added that his department will do whatever they can, including leaking any additional information they may have to try and mitigate the damages by having Trump impeached before his term is up. Deep Hole suggested that may be the only way to save the White House.

Meanwhile, when told of the potential designation, the President tweeted “EPA declares WH unsafe. What did Melania know that I didn’t? Won’t sleep with me. Sad.” Reported by P. Beckert

Angela Merkel Gives Up on World After One Day with Trump German leader ponders previously unthinkable alliance with Russia BERLIN, Germany — After spending an entire day with Trump, Angela Merkel has announced she is ready to forget hundreds of years of history and millions of lives lost, and join forces with Vladimir Putin if it means she “never has to see that orange asshole again.”

Merkel: Happy if she never sees Trump again.

Trump, who has since called his relationship with Merkel “unbelievable, like the butter,” got off to a rough start when Emmanuel Macron, French President and delicious coconut pastry, gave him an unexpectedly sturdy handshake.

Melania had to spend the night reassuring Donald of his masculinity, just like the one time Liddle Marco Rubio made a com ment on Trump’s small penis.

However, when he arrived in Berlin, Trump was in a better mood, and upon first seeing Merkel, recommended that she “talk to Ivanka about spicing up your looks,” saying that if she “lost the hair” she could “easily become a 6 or 7.”

Later, upon touring the Holocaust memorials, Trump admitted he “didn’t understand why they even needed to fight World War II,” claiming that if Andrew Jackson had been around, he “could have avoided it entirely.”

Trump finished off the visit with a speech where he, once again, complained that he has been treated “worse than any US president ever” because of the terrible media “covfefe.” Trump explained that he was penning a new biography about “his struggle,” and that he would gift Merkel a German copy when he’s done, which he would title “Mein Kampf.” After being booed off-stage, Trump said that this reception was “the worst thing the Germans have ever done.”

Reported by Adam Barsouk

Putin to Move into White House Next Week

Ripping the Headlines Today

White House staff: ‘Finally, someone to restore order around here!’

Making fun of the headlines today, so you don’t have to

Fed up with President Trump’s continued bumbling incompetence, Republican leaders have invited Russian President Vladimir Putin to move in and “show Donald how it’s done,” starting early next week.

Donald Trump reportedly loved the idea, and was “ex cited to show Vlad around his Mar-a-Lago golf course.” However, when told that that is not the “White House” Putin will be staying in, Trump was said to have started sulking and binge-watching Fox News.

Meanwhile, Congressional leaders breathed a big sigh of relief when Putin accepted. “Finally, someone who knows what they’re doing!” said Senate Majority Leader and sad cartoon turtle stand-in Mitch McDonnell.

“We love the President, but he just has no experience in being a dictator — I mean — in politics. He needs an firm hand like Vladimir’s to guide him. And Vlad has big, strong hands.”

“Mr Trump is just new at this,” added Republican Speaker of the House and extremely patient presidential wannabee Paul Ryan. “It’s like hiring a guy off the street as your plumber. You don’t berate him for flooding the house on his first attempt, do you? No, you sigh, smile, and hand him another wrench. Am I right?

“And don’t let the fake news Democrats spin this move into any alternative facts about him being a Russian puppet. Vladimir is simply a successful president of a large country, and luckily for us, was kind enough to take time out of his busy schedule of manipulating — I mean, helping — governments across the globe to lend a hand here. A big hand.”

“Believe me, Mr Trump can use all the help

12

By Paul Lander. All you need to do is follow one simple rule: barely pay attention and jump to conclusions. So, here are some headlines today and my first thoughts: Rubio’s awkward hug with Ivanka goes viral If you think this looks awkward, imagine if Rubio wasn’t standing on a stepladder.

he can get!” added Mr Ryan, his perpetual smug grin widening slightly.

Steve Bannon, who somehow is still secretly ensconced in the White House — though no one has seen or heard from him in months — emerged from under a rock at a Rose Garden press conference to say that Mr Putin will be able to teach Trump many things.

“For one,” hissed Bannon, “he knows how to take care of unruly news reporters. For another, how to get rid of pesky investigators. He’s good at making troublesome people disappear, if you know what I mean! Call it a ‘Second Amendment solution,’ if you like. We certainly do.”

Democrats, thumbs a-twiddling more nervously than ever, worried that Putin might never leave, once embedded in the White House.

“I guess there’s nothing we can do,” said Democratic Minority Leader and ever-exasperated party apologist Nancy Pelosi, “but Republicans do know we can’t have foreign leaders running our government. They know that, right?

Right??”

Reported by James Israel

Hillary Clinton: If Republicans pass this bill, they’re the death party She didn’t actually say it. She sent it as an email, and Wikileaks leaked it.

Clooney sells Tequila to Diageo for $1 Billion At least now we know what he was drinking when he agreed to do ‘Hail Caesar.’

Sean Spicer ‘got fatter,’ Steve Bannon Having to eat crap daily will do that to you.

Millions of bizarre sea creatures are storming the Pacific O r, a s t h e y ’ r e a l s o known, typical Californians in the summer.

Police drag people away from McConnell’s office as protests break out over GOP bill Well, at least, the bill has the support of United Airlines.

People who eat fried potatoes 2 or more times a week double their risk of an early death: Study I’m betting the study was done by the onion ring industry...

NBA draft on ESPN Or, as the Kardashians call it, ‘Tinder.’

Porn star gets out of jail and starts GoFundMe to ‘get back on her on feet’ again Or, enough to, at least, get back on her back.

Cubs prospect shatters stadium lights with ‘Home Run Derby’ homer Robert Redford’s still got it.

Gov. Christie thoughts on his 15 percent approval rating? ‘I don’t care’ Adding, on his future: ‘I’ll block that bridge when I get to it.’

Bill Cosby to hold seminars on how to avoid sexual assault Followed by birth control advice from the Duggars.

Jared Kushner makes first public remarks since Trump inauguration And, you can barely see Ivanka’s lips move.

Amazon is buying Whole Foods for $13.7 billion They could have bought Food 4 Less for half that price.

Trump pitches solar panels for border wall And, making the moon pay for it.

Read more columns by Paul Lander at humortimes.com.

HUMOR TIMES

July, 2017

Hot Stuff There were hints...

and indeed, it happened.

They tried to sell it as a win-win...

July, 2017

that would be good for the economy.

Trump let it be known where he stood...

and how fired up he was about it.

But sooner or later, we will all pay...

and perhaps sooner rather than later.

HUMOR TIMES

13

Best President Ever Trump made quite a splash on his first world tour...

He’s charting a different course...

and in so doing, changing many minds.

Party leaders explained that he’s just new at this...

and has plenty of time to get it together.

One thing for sure, he keeps his lawyers busy...

14

building on the past.

as the White House “lawyers up.” (continued)

HUMOR TIMES

July, 2017

The prez is carrying on with his strategic objectives...

and nothing will stop him.

Communication is key... and he’s done so much more than any president, he says.

His supporters remain steadfast... always anticipating his next move.

Even with low approval ratings, Repubs keep winning... almost as if by magic.

July, 2017

HUMOR TIMES

15

The Hightower Lowdown If Trump Is So Great, Why Is His Approval Rating So Puny?

What’s the matter with these people? The Trumpsters in the White House and Congress, I mean.

Start with The Donald himself, a guy who can’t pass a mirror without casting an adoring eye at his own reflection. What is it about him that requires the top officials of his government to humiliate themselves publically in the White House cabinet room, making them try to outdo each other in a groveling Worship-a-thon of praise for this magnificence?

And what’s wrong with his Cabinet members? One after another, the Vice President, Chief of Staff, Treasury Secretary, Secretary of State and all the other supposedly-powerful luminaries of the Government of the United States of America were called upon in June’s televised cabinet session to say their name, then meekly offer their smarmiest praise of Trump’s integrity, agenda and manly leadership. This spectacle of forced adulation of “The Leader” was so eerily insane that even North Korea’s Kim Jong Un would’ve been too embarra ssed to orchestrate it!

Yet Trump went even further in his flight from reality. Not satiated by the string of superlatives from his cabinet of sycophants, he resorted to stroking his own ego, opening with the fanciful claim that Americans are “seeing amazing results” from his presidency. Shifting into overdrive, the chief proclaimed that “never has there been a president — [except maybe] FDR, who’s passed more legislation, who’s done more things than what we’ve done.”

Uh... no, Mr. President... not actually, not even close. I realize you don’t “believe” in facts, but here’s one to sober you up: The Trump White House has produced no major legislation.

Zero.

You’re right, however, that we Americans are seeing truly “amazing results” from your six months on the job: We’re amazed that in such a short time your so-called presidency is mired in onflicts of interest, constitutional quagmires, erratic behavior, ideological arrogance, tweeted ignorance, lame policy proposals and — let’s admit the obvious — your own incompetence. If President Trump and his apologista in Congress

wonder why they’re consistently getting such miserable job approval ratings from the public, they should take a deep breath, hold their noses, and actually look at the god-awful policies they’re pursuing.

For example, they’re intentionally pushing a Draconian health care scheme that would cause widespread suffering for non-rich Americans and even deaths, while also slipping another tax giveaway of nearly a trillion dollars to corporations and wealthy investors. It’s so ugly that Trump, who originally said he was “100 percent behind this,” now calls the bill “mean.”

And the one widely-popular idea that Trump promised — a trillion-dollar investment to create good jobs for repairing America’s collapsing infrastructure — has turned into a scam. His actual proposal is to give $800 million in tax credits to Wall Street investors, hoping they’ll put money into infrastructure projects. It’s like promising to feed the oats to horses, hoping they’ll pass through some seeds for the birds to peck out.

Also, remember his promise to crack down on Wall Street greed heads? Now, he and Congress are pushing a bill to coddle the banksters by removing consumer protections that restrict Wall Street greed.

JIM HIGHTOWER But he is creating new jobs for 4,000 lucky Americans. In Afghanistan. The 16-year war there has been an interminable, unequivocal disaster for the U.S. and our troops. But rather than being a commander-in-chief, Trump has washed his hands of that presidential responsibility, becoming a wimpy delegator-in-chief by handing off responsibility to the military brass.

They’re now shipping 4,000 more troops into a hellish war the American people do not support.

The greatest, overriding failure of Trump and Congressional leaders is that they have no vision, no big ideas, no moxie and no understanding of grassroots people’s democratic idealism.

Saying “Make America Great” over and over again is easy. Any gasbag can say it. But doing it takes real leadership, and the people now in charge just can’t measure up.

Sad.

Wrong Lessons U.S. politics are far beyond just “divisive”...

and apparently Americans haven’t spoken loudly enough.

and is already moving on.

But Congress knows what to do...

16

HUMOR TIMES

July, 2017

Downwardly Mobile The economy is shrinking for most folks...

and about to flatten out entirely.

Republicans tried some trickery...

but nothing much is changing.

but privatization is not the answer.

Many feel completely ignored...

Yet, that’s what Trump is selling...

July, 2017

and sees as the final solution.

HUMOR TIMES

17

Miscellaneous Mischief

Parting Shots Trump held a cabinet meeting to reflect on progress‌

and it was a real love fest...

the best ever, even.

Meanwhile, he’s having a tough time filling cabinet openings.

18

HUMOR TIMES

July, 2017

July, 2017

HUMOR TIMES

19

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