Humor Times, August 2017

“I think the first duty of society is justice.” – Alexander Hamilton Issue #304

August 2017

‘World’s Funniest News Source’ Formerly the Comic Press News

®

The Humor Times: Speaking Truth to Power Through Cartoons Since 1991!

OMNETWORKS

Advertise in the Reach an intelligent, good-humored audience with good incomes!

Our readers make wonderful, loyal customers. And you don’t have to spend a fortune to get your message in front of them!

All ads are 20% OFF when you mention this notice!

Call 916-758-8255 or email info@humortimes.com for more info. Deadlines are the 15th of the month preceding.

Humor Times, P. O. Box 162429, Sacramento, Ca 95816 2

HUMOR TIMES

A Complete Internet Solution WWW • DSL WiFi • T1/T3

Technical Support WWW.OMSOFT.COM • 530-758-0119 August, 2017

Editor’s Letter Health care: It’s been the subject of so many articles over the decades, with the debate now at a fever pitch. And yet, the solution is sooo simple.

Really. The rest of the civilized world has been implementing the solution for all those decades. Yes, you know it – it’s called “single payer.”

The vast majority of Americans want it, polls show – even a majority of those on the right. People who are opposed are usually either poorly informed on the matter, or are invested in, or employees of, the health care insurance industry.

To those who think it would mean a “government takeover” of health care: it would not. All it does is replace the for-profit insurance part of health care. That’s it. Now, there are lots of ways to structure health care beyond that, and every country with a single payer system has their own idiosyncracies. But single payer in itself does not mean giving up your doctor, hospitals being taken over by the government, nor does it mean doctors become government employees. It simply replaces an extremely corrupt health care component: one that has profit as its overarching incentive.

A for-profit health insurance industry has a natural inclination to do anything that reduces expenses, even if it’s not in the best interest of the patient – like denying certain types of care, reducing hospital stays and generally treating patients like commodities with short shelf lives. Who ever thought capitalist profit-seeking was the best health care model in the first place? Those who don’t mind making fortunes off of people’s suffering, that’s who.

Right now we have an excellent opportunity to join the rest of civilization, and switch to single payer health insurance. It will save everyone a lot of money: patients, hospitals, the entire economy. Sure, taxes will take the place of insurance payments, but as the rest of the world knows, it will be at a large savings for you and me. And no more co-pays, insurance executives dictating treatment, or going bankrupt when a loved one needs expensive life-saving care.

We need to rise up and refuse the GOP’s ruthless attempt to roll back health care to the middle ages with the horrendous “Trumpcare” bills, and insist on single payer.

Now. – James Israel, Editor

Jeanette Midori Okazaki, DDS, Inc. • (916) 329-3400 2525 K Street, Suite 305, Sacramento • Most insurance plans accepted www.dentalandholistichealth.com

Family Dentistry with Tender Loving Care.

Traditional dentistry with holistic options offered in a warm, caring environment.

Acupuncture • Mercury Free • Cerec Crowns Mercury Separators • GREEN Dentistry

WEBSITE

Acupuncture is offered for relaxation, anesthesia, pain control and healing.

Holistic Resource Referral In keeping with holistic philosophy, we begin each day with our Healing Circle. We do conscious breath-work, meditation and affirmations for our patients and ourselves to create healing, transformation and peace on our planet.

Creation, Upgrades • Responsive • Get Noticed!

Need a website for your business, band, blog or for personal use, but don’t have the time or inclination create on from scratch? Or have one, but the time spent maintaining it is taking away from other responsibilities? We’ll do it for you, at a fair, very affordable price. You may be surprised how inexpensively we can design a simple, yet quality website for you. We can work with you no matter where you live. You can trust the competent folks here at the Humor Times!

Support the media you want to see!

Humor Times Website Production info@humortimes.com • 916-758-8255 PO Box 162429, Sacramento, CA 95816

®

The Humor Times® (ISSN 1937 299X), Vol. 26, Issue 304, is published monthly by the Humor Times, 7271 Lindale Dr, Sacramento, CA 95828. Periodicals Postage Paid at Sacramento, CA and additional mailing offices. POSTMASTER: Send address changes to Humor Times, P.O. Box 162429, Sacramento, CA 95816-2429.

Editor: James Israel. Publisher: Jim LeDoux. Email: info@humortimes.com.

Phone: 916-758-8255. Printed by: Gold Country Printing, Auburn, CA 95603.

Contributors: P. Beckert, Steve Benson, Ruben Bolling, Chris Britt, Jon Carter, Will Durst, Michael Egan, Walt Handelsman, Phil Hands, Jim Hightower, David Horsey, Paul Lander, Chan Lowe, Mike Luckovich, Gary Markstein, Jack Ohman, Dan Piraro, Marshall Ramsey, Rob Rogers, Harley Schwadron, Drew Sheneman, Scott Stantis, Dana Summers, Tom Toles, Roz Warren, Dan Wasserman and others.

Contributions: Send artwork/submissions to address or email above.

The Humor Times is available by subscription. It is printed on recycled paper, using 60% post-consumer fiber. All contents ©2017. No part may be reproduced without permission.

If you’re a fan of the Humor Times, why not contribute to the cause? In this digital age, it’s not easy to thrive as a print publication. We need your support.

Plain ol’ donations to the cause of political humor are always welcome.

Or, if you haven’t subscribed yet, please do. Get the fun delivered right to your door once a month!

If you are a subscriber, don’t keep the laughs to yourself – give gift subscriptions!

$2 • SAVE TWO BUCKS by ordering your subscription online! Go to humortimes.com! • $2 ALWAYS A WELCOME GIFT IDEA!!!

Name: ___________________________________________________________________ Address: _________________________________________________________________ City: ______________________________________ State: ______ Zip: _____________ If a gift, your name: ________________________________________________________ Email (helps us keep renewal notice costs down):_________________________________ 12 issues (1 year) . . . . . $24.95 12 issues/Canada . . . . . . . . . $50.95 24 issues (2 years) . . . . $47.95 12 issues/Foreign Sub. . . . . . $78.95 Trial Sub (3 issues). . . . . $7.95 12 issues/PDF download . . . . $9.95 Please Check if RENEWAL. Subscriber # (on label, starts w/‘S’): ___________ Donation: I’d like to help the cause of political humor! $_________ Send check or money order payable to the Humor Times to: Humor Times, P.O. Box 162429, Sacramento, CA 95816 a

Or use your: p Discover

p Visa

p Mastercard

p American Express

Card no.: ____________________________________________ Security code: ____________ (3-digit # on back, or if AX, 4-digit # on front)

Signature: __________________________________________ Exp. date: _________________ Name (as it appears on the card): _______________________________ Phone: _________________ (Please allow 4-6 weeks for first issue. Phone orders: 916-758-8255.)

August, 2017

HUMOR TIMES

Use the form on this page. A Gift Certificate will be sent in your name if you wish. Or order online at HumorTimes.com and get $2.00 off!

3

Dead on Arrival For some reason, their carefully crafted plan was not popular...

After seven years of complaining, they finally got to work...

The American people were not fooled, however...

and promised put the health care debate to rest.

they knew the benefits were not for them.

Repubs insisted it was smart policy, however...

4

but the GOP prescribed some tough love.

even if it was only half a plan. (continued)

HUMOR TIMES

August, 2017

They did their very worst best...

but the GOP choked on its own plan.

There were hints all along that things weren’t going well...

and finally, even Trump was ready to let it go.

and told the press they weren’t worried.

They told themselves it wasn’t real...

but now they can get back to what they do best.

Sure, the Republican Party took some lumps...

August, 2017

HUMOR TIMES

5

Fake Sons And now, a few choice words about Donald Trump… Junior.

Seems as if the eldest son of the Trump Crime Family is not the brilliant hotheaded tactician that Santino was in the Corleone Crime Family but more in the mold of Fredo. The Trump most likely to make people offers they can’t understand.

To say the collusion trail is convoluted is like intimating that Wimbledon has found that ripe strawberries are not an adequate substitute for tennis balls. On the advice of lawyers, Jared Kushner amended his security clearance application three times, setting off bells loud enough to wake Richard Nixon’s dead dog, Checkers.

This led to the revelation that Don Jr. held a meeting at Trump Tower with a Russian lawyer, described as a “nothing burger meeting” about Russian adoptions and nobody else was there.

And isn’t it time we focus on what really matters to the American people? Hey, look over there… a squirrel.

Well, okay, so maybe the lawyer had some vague connections to the Russian government, but doesn’t everybody? And Paul Manafort and Jared Kushner were there, but they had no idea why. A month before the Conventions, the campaign manager and lead advisor attended a meeting for no apparent reason. With a Russian lawyer. About adoption. And linoleum is edible.

It was so boring, the two left early. And okay, it wasn’t about orphans, but had nothing to do with seeking damaging information about Hillary Clinton. Which wouldn’t be illegal, even if it did. Which it didn’t. Okay, it did. So maybe it was a marinated flank steak meeting.

Then, to beat the New York Times to the punch, Junior released some grass- fed, prime-cut, filet mignon emails that portrayed him as ea ger to re ceive the prom ised dam ag ing information about Hillary Clinton. From an American- born Russian record producer. And an oligarch pop star. Don’t ask.

But absolutely nothing happened and we know that because Donald Trump Jr., Paul Manafort, Jared Kushner and the Russian lawyer all said nothing happened. And why shouldn’t we believe the people who haven’t told us the truth ever? Not once. Oh yeah: this time, for sure.

And a former Russian Intelligence officer also attended the meeting. But don’t worry, because he’s a former Russian Intelligence officer. And maybe a couple other folks were there. No one knows. Doesn’t matter. Look away.

To recap: Donald Trump Jr. colluded with the Russians to uncover proof that Hillary Clinton was involved in Russian collusion, because colluding with Russians would prove a person unqualified to be President. Then again, collusion is not such a bad thing. Everybody does it. As a matter of fact, you’d be a fool not to collude. And nobody wants a fool as president, do they?

Too late.

Capo di capo, Donald Trump Sr. applauded Son Number One’s transparency for releasing the grass-fed, prime-cut, filet mignon emails detailing the campaign’s attempt to enlist foreign help to discredit Hillary. Which is like complimenting the bear that mauled you for maintaining such sharp claws.

Soon the senior Don will tweet warnings to the press to totally ignore Don Jr. because he’s not a real Trump son. And neither are Eric or Jared. The only true Trump son is Ivanka. The rest are just Fake Sons. Just like fake news, only different.

The Ping-Pong Effect: Executive Orders Donald J Trump has many tools at his disposal. Both Houses of Congress. The support of rural America. Friends in high places. His family. A supermodel. Twitter. Fox News. The Russian Federation. A signature scent. And… Executive Orders.

Along with executive determinations, memorandums, proclama-

WILL DURST

tions, suggestions, aspersions, insinuations, innuendos and doodles.

An Executive Order is a Presidential shortcut to impose regulations or reinforce policy with the extra-added attraction of bypassing the tortuous labyrinths of Congress. And face it, any day without talking to Mitch McConnell is a victory.

EOs can be historic, as in the Emancipation Proclamation; pure patronage, such as appointing a friend to a federal post or frivolous, as when Woodrow Wilson declared “hunting with a lantern, torch, bonfire or other artificial light,” a misdemeanor.

An admirable attempt to level the playing field, short of giving deer automatic weapons.

EOs originated way back in America’s Beta Start-Up phase.

George Washington wrote 8, and John Adams one. The first 150 or so weren’t numbered. But in 1907, Abraham Lincoln’s “Executive Order Establishing a Provisional Court in Louisiana,” issued in 1862, was retroactively recorded as Executive Order #1.

And there have been 13,801 since. A tidy number, but you wouldn’t want to carve them onto limestone and carry them around in a backpack.

FDR issued 3,728, av er ag ing 307 per an num over his twelve-year and change run. But historians generally agree events back then verged on the hectic, what with a capital D Depression and a World War going on and all. Not to mention gangsters o’plenty roaming the Midwest and Judy Garland terrorizing sound stages all over the greater Los Angeles basin.

During his victorious presidential campaign, Donald Trump derided Barack Hussein Obama for an unhealthy dependence on Executive Orders, accusing the 44th president of being “too lazy to negotiate.” Because during elections and only during elections, “negotiate” is not a dirty word.

Knowing that, you’d think he’d be reluctant to utilize them himself. And once again, you’d be wrong. As wrong as Siberian bike messengers. Like chipotle mayonnaise in a can. Three-tailed monkeys. Glass con doms. Ba con wrapped hot dogs at the opera. An acetylene torch explosion in an ice cave. In his first 150 days, Donald Trump has issued 37, putting him on pace for 92 a year, the most since Harry Truman. And that may be the last time you hear Trump mentioned in the same sentence as Truman, ever.

Executive Orders are usually promoted as proof of campaign promises kept but most are simply press releases with florid signatures. The bulk create task forces, empower reviews and set up commissions, plans, reports, reorganizations, instructions and eternal in ves ti ga tion into elim i nat ing those dreaded and myth i cal beasts: fraud, waste and abuse.

They’re mostly homework assignments for agency heads.

A few are enduring testaments and others lasting markers of national shame (EO 9066 — Japanese Internment) but all subject to the Ping-Pong Effect, where one president enacts it and the next rescinds it. Trump undoes Obama Executive Orders who rolled back George W Bush’s, who did the same to Bill Clinton, etc, etc.

Which means that no matter what damage Trump attempts to do to individual freedoms, the environment and corporate authority, chances are the next president will overturn the most egregious of them which is most. That is assuming there is a next president.

Fingers crossed.

Will Durst is an award-winning, nationally acclaimed political comic. Go to willdurst.com for info about the documentary film, “3 Still Standing” and calendar listings that feature future appearances such as his one-man show, “BoomeRaging: From LSD to OMG.”

6

HUMOR TIMES

August, 2017

Has-Beens Dems are pulling a page from the GOP playbook on nominees... and are exercising rare discipline about it.

Their criticisms ring hollow sometimes... and they seem pretty depressed.

It’s time to just let loose... and then get serious.

The party’s future may be uncertain... but they’re trying to stay positive.

August, 2017

HUMOR TIMES

7

Russiagate After Trump laid down the law with Putin...

the two got along famously.

The prez gave him no wiggle room...

and was very direct.

They came up with the “greatest� plan...

Later, it was revealed, they met in secret...

8

one that works both ways, Trump said.

and are working together harmoniously. (continued)

HUMOR TIMES

August, 2017

People everywhere are aghast...

Don Jr proved he could be as bold as his dad...

but the prez says it’s a big “nothing burger.”

and just as spontaneous, much to his lawyer’s dismay.

but the revelations just keep dropping.

They insist it’s all very innocent...

Still, Trump says it’s not his fault...

August, 2017

and that it’s all much ado about nothing.

HUMOR TIMES

9

Cartertoons • www.cartertoons.com

•

by Jon Carter

Cartertoons • www.cartertoons.com

•

by Jon Carter

“We Report, You Decry!”

Liberal in Coma Since Oct. 2016 to Remain So, On Loving Family’s Orders A family has announced that a loved one will remain in a coma despite existence of procedure that touts a 99 percent success rate with no risk of harm to the patient.

Geraldine and Wilson Fisk revealed that they could not in good conscience allow their liberal son, who has been in a coma since Oct. 2016 to regain consciousness.

“Our Bobby is in a safe space now,” said Mrs. Fisk. “There is no question in our hearts that we’re making the right choice as loving parents.”

The only question the family is debating at the moment is how long they will allow the coma to last.

Do they wake him only if the Democrats win in 2020, or do they wake him before so they don’t risk Democrats losing by one vote?

Reported by StubhillNews.com

Surgeon General’s Warning: Humor Times Habit-Forming The U.S. Surgeon General warned citizens about the national humor magazine, the Humor Times today, saying it was “habit forming” and could lead to serious bouts of belly-laughter, upsetting the habitually pessimistic.

“We’ve all heard the line, ‘laughter is the best medicine,’” the official said, “but is it, really? Perhaps too much of a good thing is just that – too much. Be careful out there, America.”

(Ed: Subscribe on page 3, if you think you can handle it. And please give subscriptions responsibly!)

“Wasn’t me,” the Serpent hissed emphatically in an interview aired on Megyn Kelly on Sunday.

“Sure, it might have been me, but it also could have been a lot of other fabled beasts. The Chimera. The Kraken. Even a 400 lb gorilla sitting in a white house somewhere.

“Yes, a 6000-year old tradition and seventeen US televangelists have all blamed us, really it was only three or four, but no one really knows. Coulda been a few private, patriotic demons. Coulda been the Koran or even the Egyptian Book of the Dead. I mean, were you there?”

Acknowledging multiple stories identifying it as the talking snake responsible for all human sin, the Serpent said that the “unsubstantiated allegations” were based on “a single anonymous Biblical source” whose “unreliability” had been proved many times before.

“Remember when they said that the beasts of the field were created before Adam? Then they

12

Aspiring to the High Standards Set by Cable News

Revealed: Trump Tried to Return Melania for Refund During Slovenia Trip It has long been believed that President Donald Trump, who has described his own hair as resembling ‘a wet raccoon,’ had purchased his disproportionately more attractive Eastern European wives for undisclosed sums. Trump has even tweeted that he believes his wife of 12 years “is still under warranty and eligible for a full re fund, in clud ing shipping and handling.”

How ever, the government of Slovenia promptly replied to that tweet, explaining that they “are not Amazon.com,” and saying that “Mr. Trump should have pur chased ex tended war ranty.” They quickly added that “Barron Trump is also not eligible for a refund — NOR credit.”

In response, President Trump went on a Twitter tirade about how Slovenia makes “terrible deals” and is a “#fakecountry.”

In front of a visibly flabbergasted Angela

Merkel at a press conference during the G20 Summit, Trump was asked about the optics of “attempting to trade in his wife and son for new ones,” to which Trump responded: “I’m more of a grab and go kind of guy.” He added, “My boys Vlad and Xi know what I’m talkin’ bout!” while point ing to the presidents of Russia and China, both of whom looked incredibly uncomfortable.

Other Eastern European nations, in hopes of falling in Trump’s favor, have attempted to offer the President a selection of potential future spouses, though Trump has made very specific re quire ments, in clud ing “tall, blonde, and named Ivanka.”

Melania commented that she loves her husband, adding, “if he only came to bed instead of tweeting… maybe we could sort things out.”

Reported by Adam Barsouk

Ancestry.com Confirms Mitch McConnell a ‘Direct Descendant’ of Dracula WASHINGTON – DNA analysis released by the genealogy company Ancestry.com confirms that Senate majority leader Mitch McConnell is directly related to the notorious Transylvanian vampire, Count Dracula.

Also known as “Vlad the Impaler” because of his cruel method of executing his enemies, Dracula is reputed to have drunk the living blood from their necks in triumph.

Ancestry.com notes that McConnell’s family arrived in Scotland in the late 16th century after being driven out of Transylvania by pitchfork-wielding peasants. They changed their name from “Dragulya” after accounts surfaced connecting them to the cannibalistic sadist.

Genealogical experts employed by the company say that it is “overwhelmingly probable” that Sen. McConnell re tains the Count’s bloodsucking im pulses, not ing his “vampire-like” relations with the American body politic, especially the wealthiest one percent.

McConnell is also noted for his pleasure in publicly “impaling” his opponents.

“The chief difference between the Senator and his famous forbear,” the report notes, “is that the more blood he sucks, the paler he be-

Garden of Eden Serpent Denies Tempting Adam and Eve, Thus Causing Fall of Man HELL – The Biblical serpent claimed last night that it was not responsible for the catastrophic Fall of Man recorded in Genesis.

Headline News Section

said Adam came first and was made — get this!

— outa mud. Then that the day was separated from the night before the Sun was made. Then that Eve was made out of Adam’s rib, and what a mess that turned out to be! Even Donald Trump opposed it at the time.”

The Serpent also flatly denied interfering in human affairs. Hell had “absolutely” not been responsible for Hitler, Genghis Khan and even the Trump family, “though in their case I can understand why some people might think so. However, you use ful id i ots brought them on yourselves and will just have to get rid of them in y o u r ow n w a y. J us t don’t s e nd you-know-who down to us, thank you. Ivanka maybe,” he added with a leer.

The Serpent then went onto the attack, noting that people haven’t been so innocent in their dealings with Hell either. “Holier-than-thou types have repeatedly denigrated us and tried to interfere in our way of afterlife,” he said, with a pained flicker of his tongue. “We even hosted Jesus for a few days, and what thanks did we ever get for that?”

The Serpent wound up by proposing a joint Earth-Hell Sin Management program. Both sides would contribute equally and millennia of mutual suspicion and mistrust would finally be resolved.

“Apples for all!” he said, noting that with himself and Donald Trump in charge of human evil, “sin will be handled in the most secure and transparent way possible. Taxes not included, of course.”

Reported by Michael Egan

comes.”

Ancestry.com suggests that while in Scotland, McConnell’s Transylvanian forbears indulged in “beast-like sexual relations” with the local fauna, including Angelsea marine turtles, “accounting for his unusually repellent features and ponderously slow, almost inhuman, form of speech. When attacked, he withdraws into a protective shell of rules, regulations and hypocritical legalisms.”

Citing McConnell’s apparently extreme age, the report concludes that like Dracula he is probably immortal and may be vulnerable only to a stake driven through his black little heart.

Reported by Michael Egan

Jared Kushner Introduces His Middle East Team In an exclusive interview, Jared Kushner announced the members of the team he has selected to go with him to improve Arab-Israeli relations and bring permanent peace to the Middle East.

“Since this has been going on for a long time, heck, even before I was born, I thought we needed to take a brand new approach that’s never been tried before.”

He explained that he chose a team with unique skills that could implement a new strategy that could attain what experienced diplomats and world leaders have not been able to achieve for nearly 70 years. Heading the contingent is Terry Tao, the feng shui master. “How can we expect there to be harmony between the delegates unless there is harmony in the room? A misplaced sofa or lamp could be enough to set off another Middle East crisis!” Kushner insisted.

“I’ve heard some of these discussions can get pretty hot and heavy, so to keep everyone mellow, I’ve invited Ivanka’s aroma therapist, Sunshine, to join us.” Sunshine stepped forward, flipped her long, blonde hair off her shoulder and waved her arm across the array of scented oils and incense on the table to her side, demonstrating her training as a former quiz show model.

Kushner went on to explain his strategy: “I’ve heard that in the past, disagreements could go on for hours on the tiniest points, like whose people way back in history had claim to Jerusalem.

Long meetings make your back and your legs stiff, can give you a headache, and this can make you generally cranky and less likely to come to an agreement.” To rectify this problem, Kushner has added a staff of 10 masseuses, and it is rumored that some of the discussions will take place in a large hot tub.

Finally, to demonstrate how Arabs and Israelis can work together, Kushner hired a chef who created a new fusion halal-kosher cuisine and will be opening a restaurant in the West Bank.

Reported by Diane de Anda

Ripping the Headlines Today Making fun of the headlines today, so you don’t have to

By Paul Lander. All you need to do is follow one simple rule: barely pay attention and jump to conclusions. So, here are some headlines today and my first thoughts: Trump Tower Russia meeting: At least eight people in the room See exclusive photo here of two attendees leaving.

OJ granted parole Careful, O.J., things have changed a lot since you went in. The internet had no Twitter, and Caitlyn Jenner had a penis.

Winnie the Pooh falls foul of Chinese internet censors In fairness, he could use a pair of pants.

Scaramucci named White House communications director Now, can we all do the ‘Fandango?’

AP sources: US to ban Americans from traveling

Body cam vid seems to show Baltimore police planting drugs On the upside, they brought enough for everyone.

to North Korea Damn, now, l’m going to have to trade in those plane tickets for one to Syria...

RIP Zombie director George Romero Romero’s tombstone should read: ‘Maybe he’s here; maybe he’s out taking a walk.’

Trump warns Mueller not to look at his finances That’s like Jeffrey Dahmer saying ‘stay out of my refrigerator/freezer.’

Walmart apologizes for use of N-Word in product description Damn, that’s something I’d expect at KKK Mart.

Sprint has reportedly approached Warren Buffett about a 10 Billion dollar investment Or, as he calls it, Trump change.

Steve Bannon reportedly attacked Paul Ryan as ‘A Limp-D**k Motherf**ker’ Hey, hey, that would be ‘Mr. Speaker Limp-D**k Motherf**ker’ to you.

Kentucky Republican Party Chair tasered after exposing himself to man in department store bathroom Clearly in violation of the penile code.

HUMOR TIMES

UK woman had 27 contact lenses removed during surgery Guessing she had them put in at Costco.

Saudi Arabia’s King Salman orders newspaper to suspend columnist who praised him too much No truth to the rumor that the columnist’s name is Ali Sean Hannity.

Read more columns by Paul Lander at humortimes.com.

August, 2017

The Prez Trump has detractors everywhere...

but he punches back, early and often.

He’s doing his best to be presidential...

but he may need an intervention.

He went to France...

where he visited with a popular leader.

and continued to impress.

Later, he celebrated “Made in America” week...

August, 2017

HUMOR TIMES

13

Trump Loyalists Ivanka filled in for her dad...

and Christie continued in his hero’s footsteps.

and the administration continued to shine.

More nominees were vetted...

because they knew there should be consequences.

But some Republicans went to the top with concerns...

to hold on to power at any cost.

But they remain prepared...

14

HUMOR TIMES

August, 2017

Mastering Media

Military Madness

Trump tweeted his wrestling move against “fake news”...

Kim Jong Un likes needling the U.S prez...

but the world was not impressed. and there’s a lack of understanding between the two.

His war on the media continued...

It’s a feud that has terrible potential...

and speculation runs rampant as to what’s next.

August, 2017

for catastrophic consequences.

HUMOR TIMES

15

The Hightower Lowdown The Partisan Use of Preemption Is Surging We the People are being burgled. Again.

The latest hit is just the latest in a long string of political robberies, a nationwide crime wave being pulled off by moneyed elites and their political henchmen. With each heist, they haul off a little more of our democratic power: the ability of the working majority to have any real say in the corporate and governmental decisions that affect us.

The elites are master thieves, often plucking pieces of our power without us realizing it, until we try to use it and — phhttt — it’s gone. And yet another democracy-stealing tool has recently been fabricated and quietly distributed to prof i teer ing cor po ra tions and right-wing ideologue s t h r o u g h o u t th e co u n try : PREEMPTION. This concept has been around since Day One of our nation, contained in the Supremacy Clause of the U.S. Constitution and in similar clauses in state constitutions. It allows higher levels of government to intervene and overrule lower levels — the Feds can legally preempt state and local laws, and states can preempt city and county ordinances.

Obviously, this extreme power is fraught with danger, so it’s meant to be used sparingly

and only to advance a very big public purpose like, for example, overriding state and local laws that officially sanction rank racial discrimination.

In just the past half-dozen years, some of the greediest corporations and grubbiest of politicos have colluded to take preemption into their own hands. Discarding the concept’s core principle of serving the public interest, they’re presently wielding its nullifying power as a cudgel to clobber democratic rule and impose special interest policies against the will of the people.

As you might expect, Trump & Co. are big on federal preemption. They’re targeting a multitude of state and local laws for extinction, includ ing pop u lar and ef fec tive pro vi sions enacted to ensure workplace safety, provide consumer protection, establish sanctuary cities, expand voting rights, prevent air and water pollution, reduce gun violence, maintain public oversight of for-profit charter schools, improve children’s health and mitigate climate change.

It’s at the state level, however, that the intrusive and abusive power of preemption is exploding, as to day’s right-wing gov er nors and legislators rapidly escalate a state war to quash progressive actions by local governments and

grassroots movements. Democracy be damned.

Far from advancing any big public goals, preemption is now being used to advance corporate agendas. A February report by the National League of Cities found: • 24 states preempt local authorities from increasing the minimum wage; • 17 preempt local ordinances providing paid-leave benefits for workers; • 3 preempt city regulation of home-sharing networks such as Airbnb; • 37 preempt the authority of local officials to set safety standards for ride-sharing corporations such as Uber; • 17 preempt municipalities from providing low-cost broadband service to residents (who otherwise get no internet service at all or are stuck with monopolies like Comcast); • 42 preempt local officials’ authority to increase taxes to meet local needs.

And there’s much more. States are also dropping the preemption bomb on communities trying to regulate damage from factory farms, Big Oil frackers, coal-fired utilities, pesticide spewers, gun manufacturers, plastic bag makers, e-cigarette peddlers, pipeline builders, et al. According to the Center for Media and Democracy, 36 states introduced laws preempting cities in 2016, up from 29 states in 2015. State lawmakers are on a pace to exceed those numbers in

JIM HIGHTOWER

2017.

The legal theory behind states’ authority to overrule local governments was first articulated

by Judge John Forrest Dillon. In an 1872 opinion, he ruled that municipalities have only the powers state legislators expressly grant them.

“Dillon’s Rule” has subsequently been cited and adopted by the US Supreme Court and other courts, but the theory is not without its critics.

Other judges have made eloquent arguments for the principle of “home rule,” noting that unlimited state power imposes unreasonable constraints on the ability of local communities to govern themselves. Notably, Supreme Court rulings do not prevent states from passing legislation or amending their constitutions to expressly allow home rule, and today a new Home Rule movement is taking root to re-assert the rights of local people for self-governance. To learn how to get involved, look into Campaign to Defend Local Solutions. It’s a “nonpartisan and people-powered” coalition of local leaders focused on defending communities’ rights to local solutions.

Pardon Me The president summoned all his powers from yesteryear...

It’s not pretty...

16

and thinks he may have found a solution.

but it’ll do, he hopes.

HUMOR TIMES

August, 2017

Coming Together

Overheated

John McCain has a solid reputation...

The environment is under assault...

as one tough dude.

and that’s the way Trump’s EPA likes it.

Mutual respect made for some touching displays of unity...

that were too good to last.

August, 2017

They’ve got their priorities...

and some like it hot.

HUMOR TIMES

17

Miscellaneous Mischief

18

HUMOR TIMES

August, 2017

August, 2017

HUMOR TIMES

19

OUR MEDICINE IS LAB TESTED

EDUCATED, EXPERIENCED, KNOWLEDGEABLE STAFF

*Doctor’s recommendation

3015 H Street, Sacramento • 916-822-4717 & CA I.D. required www.ATherapeuticAlternative.com • 9am-9pm Everyday

GET YOUR NAME in in the Humor Times!

Call or email now to become a “Political Humor Sponsor” and get your name or organization listed in the next issue! 916-758-8255 • info@humortimes.com.

Come by before or after the game!

Vic’s Ice Cream Celebrate with the Best Ice Cream Around!

Vic’s ice Cream is a delicious homemade treat anytime! Enjoy any of dozens of fabulous flavors, including Fresh Peach & Fresh Banana Ice Cream, Fresh Boysenberry Sherbet and either the Fresh Strawberry Sherbet or Ice Cream!

And check out our homemade soups & sandwiches!

3199 Riverside Blvd.

448-0892 Manufacturing & serving quality products for over 50 years. Family owned

Also Available at: BURR'S FOUNTAIN

WILLIE’S

4920 Folsom Blvd.

Sacramento

5050 Arden Way Fair Oaks

Vic’s Café is now open next door!

California Stage Theater Creations Celebrating 26 Years Years!

Porch Time – A Cabaret Two friends from high school reunite after many years in “Porch Time – A Cabaret” ... One night only, Sunday, August 6th! Come join Margery Bailey and Megan Cooper, two friends from Sacramento High School, at California Stage as they reunite after many, many years and discover the life the other has led.

Sunday, August 6th California Stage in the R25 Arts Complex aa 25th & R St, Midtown • Easy free parking available • 916-451-5822

TICKETS: CalStage.org

$20.00 General, $15.00 for seniors, military & children. $15.00 for groups of 6 or more.

GIFT

“I think the first duty of society is justice.” – Alexander Hamilton Issue #304

August 2017

‘World’s Funniest News Source’ Formerly the Comic Press News

®

SUBSCRIPTION

SPECIAL! Don’t be selfish, share the

with everyone you care about. You’ll be helping them to laugh in the face of calamity, while supporting free press and political satire!

LIMITED TIME OFFER! Subscribe or give a gift sub today, using the form on page 3. Just write “SPECIAL DISCOUNT” on the form, and you may take $5 OFF any subscription!

Makes an awesome gift for lovers of political humor!

“Don’t cry about the news, laugh about it, with the Humor Times!”

The Humor Times: Speaking Truth to Power Through Cartoons Since 1991!