Humor Times, Oct 2017

“In a country with so many problems – especially inequality – tax cuts for rich corporations will not solve any of them.” – Joseph E. Stiglitz Issue #306

October 2017

‘World’s Funniest News Source’ Formerly the Comic Press News

®

Tax Cuts Even a Fool Can Understand!

The Humor Times: Taking No Prisoners with Political Cartoons, Since 1991

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HUMOR TIMES

October, 2017

Editor’s Letter It’s an indication of how upside-down American politics is right now that it takes a late-night comedian/talk show host to bring to the attention of the masses just how awful a bill the one being proposed by the majority party is. The “news” media won’t do it, they’re too busy playing the “it’s both sides” game – which is just as bad as when Trump did it about white supremacists.

As if destroying health care for the majority is okay as long as the side doing it coaches their atrocity in “reasonable” sounding rhetoric.

Senator Bill Cassidy is the co-author of this latest attack on non-rich Americans, along with Majority Leader Mitch McConnell. Masquerading as “repeal and replace,” they completely shirked the “replace” part. Cassidy said the bill passes the “Jimmy Kimmel test,” after he appeared on Kimmel’s show and promised he would not back a bill that didn’t cover pre-existing conditions, among other things.

Well, this bill most certainly does not have a requirement to cover pre-existing conditions, nor does it require that insurance do much of anything, leaving it all to the states.

Kimmel originally came out against previous so-called “repeal and replace” attempts following his baby son Billy’s open heart surgery earlier in the year. His son was born with congenital heart disease. Kimmel realized how terrible it would be for most people to not have a “pre-existing condition” like this covered, acknowledging that, as a wealthy individual, he does have the means to deal with it.

Kimmel has been hitting this issue hard on his show, saying that President* Trump just wants to repeal the law because it has Obama’s name on it.

“I guarantee he doesn’t know anything about this Graham-Cassidy bill,” Kimmel said. “He doesn’t know the difference between Medicare and Medicaid. He barely knows the difference between Melania and Ivanka!

“I feel like it’s my duty to remind these people who are so concerned about my qualifications: the guy who you voted for for president, his job qualification was this,” Kimmel said, as he played a clip from The Celebrity Apprentice.

Despite the howling protests of right wing apologists, Kimmel is doing a great service by reminding people every night on his show that we have until September 30th to try kill this monstrosity. A good way to do it is by calling 202-224-3121 – a number that will get you to your state’s Senators.

Oct. 28th, 10am-4pm Don’t take for granted that this attempt will Shepard Garden Art Center, go down in flames, like the others. Keep the pressure on, because this current Republican 3330 McKinley Blvd., Sac. Party knows no shame.

Watch Kimmel’s amazing, funny, yet hard-hitting monologue on YouTube here: https://youtu.be/KUH0KQ1qMiw.

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– James Israel, Editor P.S. The Humor Times is looking for investors to help us make a big subscription push. We know that people of a certain political persuasion love the publication once they discover it – we just need to get it into their hands. See the ad on page 16 for more details, and please get in touch if you think you’d like to help.

The Humor Times® (ISSN 1937 299X), Vol. 26, Issue 306, is published monthly by the Humor Times, 7271 Lindale Dr, Sacramento, CA 95828. Periodicals Postage Paid at Sacramento, CA and additional mailing offices. POSTMASTER: Send address changes to Humor Times, P.O. Box 162429, Sacramento, CA 95816-2429.

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Contributors: P. Beckert, Steve Benson, Ruben Bolling, Chris Britt, Jon Carter, Will Durst, Michael Egan, Walt Handelsman, Phil Hands, Jim Hightower, David Horsey, Paul Lander, Chan Lowe, Mike Luckovich, Gary Markstein, Jack Ohman, Dan Piraro, Marshall Ramsey, Rob Rogers, Harley Schwadron, Drew Sheneman, Scott Stantis, Dana Summers, Tom Toles, Roz Warren, Dan Wasserman and others.

Contributions: Send artwork/submissions to address or email above.

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October, 2017

Don’t be Selfish! Share the Fun with Friends &Relatives!

HUMOR TIMES

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Our Semi-Annual ‘500 Year’ Storms Hurricanes hit everyone hard...

The hits just keep on rolling...

and a changing climate doesn’t care who believes in it.

regardless of crazy conspiracy theories spouted by idiots.

But come hell or high water...

there are some who cling to their denial...

no matter how obvious...

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the truth becomes. (continued)

HUMOR TIMES

October, 2017

When it’s time to get rescued...

beggars can’t be choosers...

and even hardened ideologues soften, temporarily.

Well, some do.

With the worst indignities now over... the president made a reality-TV appearance.

Extreme weather events seem to be here to stay...

October, 2017

so we’d better find some realistic solutions.

HUMOR TIMES

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How They Spent Their Summer Vacation And so we bid a hearty “Welcome Back” to our elected representatives, as they reluctantly trudge back to Washington following their annual summer vacation recess — and the fact that it sounds like a holdover from elementary school is no accident. Ostensibly, this respite from the business at hand is meant to renew, refresh, recharge and reload so they can be rested and relaxed as they fight for we, their constituents. Mostly though, they raise campaign funds.

But a few did manage to carve precious minutes from their busy schedules of schmoozing and networking for more pastoral proclivities. And through a series of dogged investigations we here at Durstco were able to uncover those previously unreported recreational activities that they and other public figures engaged in over the break, and are proud to offer them up in a segment we like to call “How They Spent Their Summer Vacation.”

Sean Spicer chopped 30 points off his blood pressure by spending the summer in Louisiana tagging alligators.

Steve Bannon earned a pretty penny for checking into a Swiss spa and switching out his blood with Keith Richards’.

Paul Ryan spent the summer visiting all 30 MLB stadiums and defied the laws of probability when the home team lost every game.

Kelly Ann Conway broke many nails writing a book on the power of patience and persistence coupled with a strict regimen of willful ignorance.

Donald Trump surreptitiously installed solar paneling on his vast holdings in Guam.

Mike Pence taught Bible School to a group of at-risk youth who just happen to be the kids of Republican Mega-Donors.

Chris Mathews visited secret and ancient Vatican libraries searching for loopholes.

Michael Flynn went off his meds and no one noticed.

Sheriff Joe Arpaio sailed to Jamaica on a raft he personally lashed together from the bleached bones of dead immigrants.

Chris Christie visited many beaches no one else was allowed to.

Mitch McConnell gained experience dealing with President Trump by refereeing the finals of a Pee-Wee wrestling tournament for hyperactive children.

Bernie Sanders attended 3 Comic-Con Conventions dressed as the John Candy character from “Spaceballs.”

Chief of Staff John Kelly took a plumbing correspondence course with an emphasis on leak-plugging.

Elizabeth Warren hitchhiked across Europe with a maple leaf patch sewn onto her backpack.

Jefferson Beauregard Sessions III traveled to Italy to get custom four-inch lifts installed in all his shoes.

California Senator Kamala Harris piloted a highly prestigious Congressional Task Force that studied the efficacy of task forces.

Jared Kushner followed the New England State Fair circuit hawking vegetable slicers.

Hillary Clinton studied with many tutors so that she could attempt to appear spontaneous on her upcoming book tour.

First Lady Melania Trump consulted with Manolo Blahnik on his Limited Edition “Shoes Fit For a Flood” Collection.

Bill Clinton never left his hammock. Except for twice when it needed to be re-netted.

Anthony Scaramucci spent 30 days in community service in Kalispell, Montana after threatening the life of a KOA campground manager who failed to stock enough marshmallows for the traditional Friday night S’mores bonfire.

Donald Trump Jr. spent the summer writing an infinite number of times on a Trump University blackboard “I will quit being

WILL DURST

such a dufus.”

Ted Cruz interned at the Calgary Stampede as a rodeo clown.

As holidays go, Labor Day gets no respect As Labor Day approached, I thought, already? You got to be kidding. How the hell did that happen? Eight months of the year have expired? 2017 is two-thirds over? That is so frightening because any day now radio stations are go ing to switch to wall-to-wall Christmas music.

As holidays go, the first Monday of September gets no respect.

It’s that last lonely pepperoncino on the festival deli tray. The metal folding chair next to the furnace that only gets pulled out when company invites company. The tomato plant in the back row closest to the fence those darn gophers found so tasty.

Part of the problem is the name: Labor Day. Smacks of major difficulties. Especially to mothers who have experienced birth.

Comes really close to glorifying chores. A stress proponent. Futile attempt to promote drudgery. Might as well call it Dentist’s Drill Day. We need to rename it The Extra Special Day Off Day or Bonus Day. How about Cake Day. Who doesn’t like cake? Anything to better highlight its unique status as the one day we get to take off to honor that small segment of society that actually works for a living. You know, regular humans. You and me. Okay, mostly you.

Although it’s provided 123 years of succor to we masses, the official working man’s holiday encourages a decidedly incognito sort of partying. No ugly bird to burn, a total lack of dead vegetation to string lights around and nary a signature drink to quaff while watching the fabulous line- up of Labor Day themed movies on basic cable.

The beauty is, befitting its egalitarian nature, everybody is free to participate in Labor Day. Not just people who work for a living, but each and every American, including lawyers, investment bankers, politicians and newspaper editors.

Hah. That was a joke.

Because of its particular calendar placement as a holiday bridge halfway between 4th of July and Thanksgiving, Labor Day has also become a seasonal signal flag. The solstice is dead. Long live the autumnal equinox. Take down the back-to-school banners and fill the shelves with Halloween candy.

Time to roll up the garden hose and rollout the snow blower. Bury the flip-flops and exhume the ski boots. Pumpkin spice once again rises while wa ter melon sinks slowly in the west. The lazy hazy dazy days of summer are over and ev ery eve ning is once again a school night.

And never forget that Labor Day honors the living, not the dead.

Our workforce. A single day off so the real nine to five heroes that keep this country humming can relax before squaring their shoulders and getting back to the job of carving out a better future. Raising 2.3 kids, paying off a mortgage with enough left over to meet the monthly cable bill, with at least one premium channel thrown in.

So whether you flip burgers or beach houses, run a stockroom full of board length or a lengthy boardroom full of stockholders, enjoy your day off. You de serve it.

Gather fam ily and friends and wave a fond farewell to all that excess sunshine and bid hello to the calming of the light. No need to bring gifts, although flowers and wine never go out of style. Make it a six-pack. And while you’re at it, some cake.

Will Durst is an award-winning, na tion ally ac claimed po lit i cal comic. Go to willdurst.com for info about the documentary film, “3 Still Standing” and calendar listings that feature future appearances such as his current “Durst Case Scenario” show.

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HUMOR TIMES

October, 2017

ZombieCare Republicans just can’t let it go...

and may die from a thousand self-inflicted cuts.

They’ve been exposed...

and it’s getting harder to defend their plan.

It doesn’t pass the Hippocratic Oath test...

and it’s a plan only a zombie could love.

but it’s a tough sell.

They’re doing their best to re-brand...

October, 2017

HUMOR TIMES

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Rocky Relationship Republicans were caught off guard...

because their guy likes to fool around.

It created a crisis of epic proportions...

and it really confused right-wing media types...

as well as the party’s base.

Meanwhile, Spicer made a comeback...

former presidential candidates had a public spat...

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HUMOR TIMES

and yet more hypocrisy was exposed.

October, 2017

What the #&!@ Happened?

Hillary is on tour with her new book...

and it’s quite a barn-burner.

She came under a lot of criticism...

but for once, Trump had the right answer.

Meanwhile, Congressional Dems spoke out on Antifa... while Melania was roasted on social media.

Democratic leaders found a new best friend... and the future’s so bright, you got to wear shades.

October, 2017

HUMOR TIMES

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Cartertoons • www.cartertoons.com

•

by Jon Carter

Cartertoons • www.cartertoons.com

•

by Jon Carter

“We Report, You Decry!”

Headline News Section Aspiring to the High Standards Set by Cable News

Trump to Fight Global Warming with Nuclear Winter 63% of Aliens In his first address before the United Nations, acting President Donald Trump unveiled a bilatBelieve Humans eral strategy to confront global warming with called “nuclear winter.”

Haven’t Visited Earth someThething strategy to reverse the increase in global Aliens are now generally unsupportive of the idea that humans have, in any shape or form, been to Earth, according to new polling.

In a new NBC/Marist poll, 63 percent of all aliens believe humans haven’t ever

temperature averages includes an unlikely alliance with North Korea.

In a complete adult move, Trump affectionately re ferred to North Korean leader and former potential running mate Kim Jong-un as “rocket man.”

Optimistic projections suggest that if other nations join in. then mankind could avoid global warming for hundreds of years.

At press time, we’re all going to die.

Reported by StubhillNews.com

Trump Drops Phone into Toilet, Delaying War with North Korea Trump was going to declare war on North Korea via Twitter when he dropped his phone in the toilet WASHINGTON – Today, Mr. Trump confirmed he dropped his cell phone into a toilet at 3:47am while preparing to evacuate his bowels of fast food. Trump was about to declare war on North Korea via Twitter when the incident occurred.

West Va Accidentally Outlaws Sexual Acts with Miners

Alien biologist TD-3 SQQQQ, speaking to reporter incognito.

laid eyes on Earth, and therefore, wouldn’t have a damned clue about what’s going on here.

By a 53-34 margin, most aliens also believe that if humans were generally aware of the Earth, they simply don’t give a shit.

Alien scientists have long contended that any human race advanced enough to step foot on Earth would possess an awareness that they were more than just a sentient blob of bones and tissue taking up space.

“If the Human Hypothesis were true, you’d expect that after hundreds of years of observing the Earth, we’d have some kind of hard evidence — a photo or video of a human being displaying some kind of acknowledgement that it was standing on the only medium-sized planet in the galaxy ca pa ble of sus tain ing life,” TD-3 SQQQQ, an alien biologist, said.

“If humans are truly out there, there’s just no scientific data to suggest they care enough to be here.”

Reported by Matt Rotman

Trump: ‘People Who Shoot at Hurricanes Are Stupid – It Would Take Nukes. Next Time I Will, Believe Me’ Full story next issue, if we’re still here.

Other types of jobs are going to become more elu sive thanks to a typo in a new West Virginian law.

A law which was intended to outlaw sexual behavior with minors unintentionally impacted the state’s miners due to a typo.

Ju nior West Vir gin ian Sen a tor Barry Manilow said that the typo was a simple mistake.

“The bill when originally submitted stated that a ‘minor is defined as any person under the age of 18,” said Manilow. “Then a typo occurred somewhere along the line which made the bill read that ‘a miner is defined as any person who extracts resources from a mine in exchange for pay.”

The mistake may not be easily reversed as there was a “no takesbacksies” clause written into the final version of the law.

At press time, West Virginian lawmakers were working on changing the legal definition of takesbacksies.

Reported by StubhillNews.com

New iPhone X Allows Baby Boomers to Complain about Medicare-for-All from Comfort of Free Doctor Visit Ap ple’s sur prise an nounce ment of the iPhone X finally let’s the War Babies publicly decry public assistance to anyone but them.

Apple introduced three new iPhone models this week, but only one optimally allows Baby Boomers to walk into their government-funded doctor’s visit and complain about anyone else at all doing the exact same thing.

The iPhone X is by far th e mo s t ad v a nc e d smartphone yet, something that will come in handy to anyone who was lucky enough to not be drafted, and therefore, live long enough to sell out their beliefs for stock in Rite-Aid. “Kids these days don’t even know what it’s like to go to a free medical appointment and not be able to bitch about it in real time,” Tom Williamson, 67, said.

“The iPhone X allows my generation to fi-

nally voice its concerns — because honestly, it’s about time.”

One of the new features of the phone is Face ID, which for some reason, will be able to tell apart one wrinkly, white face from another.

Ap ple CEO Tim Cook says that while everyone born between 1946 and 1964 are seemingly terrified of everything, they have no reason to fear the Face ID. “There’s no need to worry, as each Baby Boomer has a completely individual facial marker comprised of cocaine and lead, based solely on the year they were born and the day they decided not to give a shit about Reagan selling arms to Iran to fund an illegal war in Central America, ” Cook said.

“This is the 401(k) equivalent to modern cyber security.”

Reported by Matt Rotman

Trump Demands January Be Renamed ‘Trumpery’ WASHINGTON – President Trump said today that he would propose legislation renaming the month of January as “Trumpery, to commemorate my historic 2016 electoral college victory, which I haven’t mentioned in days, believe me.”

“We should also rename June ‘Jr,’ because let’s face it, he’s a good kid and it will save Americans time and money writing all those extra letters.”

“I said to myself, you know, Julius Caesar and his adopted son Augustus gave their names to July and August, so I, as America’s greatest and most popular president ever, should also give my name to a month, and so should my son.

“Since January comes first it seems appropriate, and June, or Jr. as it will be known, seems good too, especially as he will most likely come after me and inherit this dump.” Trump waved his little hands vaguely around the Oval Office.

The President noted that “trumpery” has specific dictionary definitions which, he insisted, would have to be changed. Opening his Elementary School Webster’s, he stumblingly read out, “Trumpery: from the French tromperie, meaning deceit and trickery, to cheat.’

“In American,” he continued, “it means nonsense, twaddle, empty words, something without use or value, rubbish, trash and worthless.”

Trump laughed. “Clearly these definitions don’t and of course can never apply to me. I mean look at this example usage: ‘His empty, chest-beating words and promises are naught

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but trumpery, a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.’

“This obviously describes someone who boastingly promises to do great things but never actually accomplishes anything. Well, I mean, grab my pussy and call me Bush! I’ve done more in eight months than any other president in history, including Julius Caesar, Napoleon, Alexander the Great and especially that black Kenyan dude who came before me. “ As f o r c h e a p a n d showy finery, I ask you!

Look at my wives, ex and current! Look at my casino and university, at my apartments in Trump Tower and Mar-a-Lago, masterpieces of good taste and the finest gilded armchairs and toilet seats money can buy. Nothing cheap about them apples and pears, let me tell you!”

Trump observed that renaming June and January was just the start.

“Lincoln and Ford have cars named after them,” he said, “and Washington has both DC and a state! I frankly don’t see why we shouldn’t have a Chevy Trump someday and the whole US renamed New Trumpistan.

“Washington DC will be Javanka, DT, and of course the stars above the stripes will be replaced by teeny tiny T’s.

“Shoot, I don’t even mind if we have a Melania St in Harlem somewhere, off Barron Square.

“However, as for the rest of my kids and their bloodsucking mothers, fuck ’em.”

Reported by Michael Egan

Heroic toilet that saved Earth. “No ordinary porcelain bowl, this!” says janitor.

“I had my pants down and was just about to sit on the toilet when my cell phone jumped out of my hands and plopped right into the toilet. That’s the phone that had the proof my inauguration crowds were the biggest ever,” declared Trump.

Trump continued, “Also bigly important, the tweet declaring war on North Korea was all ready to go when this disaster happened. This is a bigly delay for the American arms industry.”

“Now war will have to wait until I get a new phone. I’ve been told it could take weeks, which just shows you government really doesn’t work and is for losers,” complained Trump.

Dozens of anonymous sources from inside and outside of the White House confirmed there was a concerted effort to delay Trump receiving a new phone.

“War with North Korea is going to be amazing, and there will be so much winning. Believe me,” promised Trump.

Reported by TheNilAdmirari.com

“Do not take life too seriously.

You will never get out of it alive.”

– Elbert Hubbard

Ripping the Headlines Today Making fun of the headlines today, so you don’t have to

By Paul Lander. All you need to do is follow one simple rule: barely pay attention and jump to conclusions. So, here are some headlines today and my first thoughts: ‘It’ smashes September box office record with $117 million debut Shouldn’t the way to stop ‘Pennywise’ be with a hero named ‘Poundfoolish?’

iPhone X is here Here’s hoping Trump doesn’t confuse it with Malcolm X and try and ban it for converting to Islam.

The Internet is dragging President Trump for wearing a mismatched suit Yup, j a c k e t m a de i n China, pants made in Indonesia.

Rare White Giraffe spotted in Kenya He woul d have bee n nearly impossible to see if he hadn’t been carrying that tiki torch.

Hillary Clinton in new book ‘What Happened’ shoulders blame, takes aim The original title ‘What the F%#ing, Cr-p, Sh%#, Bullsh%# Happened,’ but it was too long to fit on the cover.

These are the 10 happiest States in America Number 1: Denial.

Equifax security and information executives are stepping down They didn’t actually announce it, they just put it in a file on their laptop…

Steve Bannon appears on ‘60 Minutes’ Which is also the longest he’s gone between drinks.

5 nurses suspended after admiring a patient’s genitals, including after he had died Seems they were in violation of the penile code.

RIP, Harry Dean Stanton Damn, was 91 and looked that old since his 30s.

HUMOR TIMES

Ted Cruz ‘likes’ porn on Twitter, breaks internet Thanks to Ted Cruz, GOP now stands for ‘Grab One’s Penis. ’ESPN apologizes after host Jemele Hill calls Donald Trump a white supremacist Mostly, to white supremacists.

No, ‘60 Minutes’ didn’t purposely make Steve Bannon look like a ‘bleary-eyed drunk’ To be fair, Bannon probably doesn’t realize how wasted he looks because he has no reflection in the mirror.

Alex Jones: Sources tell me Trump is being “covertly drugged” and is now slurring his words by 6 or 7 p.m. each night Has to be true then.

Read more columns by Paul Lander at humortimes.com.

October, 2017

Tax Cuts for the Desperate Rich Republicans are counting on their top pitch man...

to make the case for tax cuts.

relating to those in need.

He’s a natural at it...

But it takes real creativity...

and a dedication to your deepest ideals.

Meanwhile, reducing regulation and oversight...

October, 2017

is having predictable results.

HUMOR TIMES

13

Trolling for Friends With friends like these...

who needs enemies?

The President* says the enemy is at the door...

but he’s not worried...

because Mueller is just a bully...

and Donald is innocent, believe him.

The problem will be dealt with, he said...

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and everyone will be happy.

HUMOR TIMES

October, 2017

Rock It, Man Generals recognize the North Korean threat...

and are exploring strategies to deal with it.

But Trump pre-empted them, firing off his big mouth...

making quite an impression at the U.N.

He succeeded in making Jung-Un an instant star...

making himself look insane...

He is right about the U.N. needing to step up, though.

and frightening everyone in the room world.

October, 2017

HUMOR TIMES

15

®

The

Is Ready to Move to the Next Level!

Calling for Investments, Donations for “YUGE” Subscriptions Push!

For 26 1/2 years, the Comic Press News, now known as the Humor Times, has been a veritable institution in the Sacramento area, providing sharp, penetrating political humor, fresh points of view and informed commentary on issues that affect our lives.

But now it’s time to expand or die! We are looking to increase our subscription base, and we have a promotional strategy that we feel will accomplish that. We are calling it the “Three Issue Blitz.” In short, this is a mailing that blankets targeted areas for three consecutive months.

People of a certain political bent who discover the Humor Times tend to love it – but not enough potential readers have discovered it! So, our plan is to target liberal areas (our best demographic) in places outside of Sacramento, introducing a whole new fan base to the magazine.

Similar niche publications have used this technique very successfully, and we expect it to pay off handsomely. But we need funds to implement the strategy. That’s where you come in!

Please contact us for more information and a detailed breakdown of our “patented” Three Issue Blitz strategy! Serious inquiries only, please. Get in touch today! Thank you!

Humor Times • PO Box 162429, Sacramento, CA 95816 • info@humortimes.com

The Hightower Lowdown How to Get a Health Care System for People, Not Just for Corporate Profit Believe it or not, we can get Congress to enact a new program providing good quality, lower-cost health care for your family and (what the hell, let’s think big here) for every man, woman and (especially) every child in our society.

Step One: eliminate every dime of the multimillion-dollar government subsidy that now covers platinum-level health insurance for all 535 Members of Congress and their families.

Let those laissez-faire ideologues who have saddled us with an exorbitantly-expensive, dysfunctional and (let’s admit it) sick system of medical profiteering experience what they’ve wrought, without any government pampering.

This includes shutting down their “Office of the Attending Physician,” a little-known spot of pure, 100 percent socialized medicine conveniently located in our U.S. Capitol to provide a full range of government-paid doctors, nurses, pharmacists and others who give immediate, on-the-spot attention to these special ones. A se-

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riously sick child, a car wreck, a cancer diagnosis — and sud denly the civ i lized idea of Medicare for All will start making sense even to an ti-g o v e rn men t, y ou’re -on-y our-ow n Republican ideologues.

Well, you might say, they still won’t feel the pain, because they’re one-percenters, pulling down $174,000 a year each from us taxpayers, meaning they can afford to buy decent health insurance. Ah, but here comes Step Two: put all of our con gres sio nal goof-offs on piece-rate, pay-for-performance salaries. Why pay them a flat rate whether they produce or not? For example, American babies are more likely to die in their first year of life than babies in Poland, which provides universal health insurance for all of its people. So, every year that the U.S. Congress fails to provide health coverage for every American family, the members should get their pay docked by a third. Pay them only when they de liver for the peo ple, not for their ideological purity.

When Congress finally assures good health care for all of us, then its members would get the same coverage. But until they deliver for the whole public, the public owes them nothing.

It’s true that America is No. 1 in health care, but be fore erupt ing in chants of “USA! USA!”— note that we’re only No. 1 in health care spending. Ouch.

Our country lays out more per person for health insurance and out-of-pocket payments than any other advanced nation on the planet — nearly $10,000 a year for each of us. Germany, Canada, Australia, England, Japan, Poland and all other advanced democracies pay only a fraction of that — yet their people get far better care, are healthier and live longer than our people.

That’s because they have nationwide, public health insurance systems providing comprehensive coverage for everyone while eliminating 25-30 percent of every health care dollar that profiteering insurance corporations take for their administrative and advertising costs, exorbitant profits and executive pay, paperwork and waste.

Why don’t we Americans have such an efficient and effective system? We do: Medicare!

It’s a proven no-hassle, quality care for each of America’s senior citizens. It works!

HUMOR TIMES

JIM HIGHTOWER But what about children, young people and the middle-aged … the majority of our people?

Glad you asked.

Sen. Bernie Sanders (along with Sens. Elizabeth Warren, Kamala Harris and 14 others) have just introduced the “Medicare for All” act, extending this successful commonsense program to everyone.

Sanders’ proposal (like Rep. John Conyers’ bill in the U.S. House) will cut the health care costs paid by typical working families from some $6,200 a year to $466. It’ll also cut out the complexity and stress of getting the care you need — just go to any private doctor you choose, show your public insurance card and — Bingo — you’re in! No more co-pays, deductibles or fighting with corporate insurance bureaucrats trying to keep you out.

October, 2017

Un-American It’s clear the Donald listens to no one...

but himself.

Some say he just can’t help himself...

but he has his priorities...

It’s really quite deplorable... and they align with his party.

and the opposition needs to hold the fort. downright un-American, even...

October, 2017

HUMOR TIMES

17

Miscellaneous Mischief

18

HUMOR TIMES

October, 2017

October, 2017

HUMOR TIMES

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October 2017

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