Humor Times, Nov 2017

“It’s increasingly apparent why Donald Trump never apologizes; because if he ever started, he’d be forced to spend every waking minute doing it.” – Will Durst Issue #307

November 2017

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Editor’s Letter A few Republicans in office are finally coming around to questioning the Twitterer-inChief’s competence to stay in the White House. Too bad they only can summon the courage when they’re on the way out. Those who want to run for office again feel the need to toe the line, even as they confess their fears off the record in hushed whispers.

Apparently, the threats to free speech, free press, un-Constitutional acts like making money off of foreign leaders and governments (violating the emoluments clause), and the very real ever-present threat of nuclear annihilation just aren’t enough to make these so-called representatives of the people come forward.

Bob Corker and now Jeff Flake have offered blistering critiques of the president, but only after deciding not to run again next term. What they should be doing is staying and fighting, even if they might lose. That would be showing real courage.

As Ross Douthat said in the New York Times (Oct. 24), “In the end, if you want Republican voters to reject Trumpism, you need to give them clear electoral opportunities to do so — even if you expect defeat, even if it’s all but certain. And an anti-Trump movement that gives highminded speeches but never mounts candidates confirms Trump’s claim to face establishment opposition while also confirming his judgment of the establishment’s guts and stamina — proving that they’re all low-energy, all ‘liddle’ men, all unwilling to fight him man to man.”

Robert Reich, who served in the administrations of Presidents Gerald Ford, Jimmy Carter and Bill Clinton, lays out the very strong case for impeachment, saying: [Trump] has committed at least 4 impeachable acts: 1. Taking money from foreign powers, in violation of the emoluments clause of the Constitution (Article I, Section 9) – when they stay at his hotels and grant him business licenses and patents.

2. Failing to faithfully execute the laws, in violation of Article II, Section 3) – when he refuses to implement the Affordable Care Act. 3. Obstruction of justice, in violation of the laws of the United States -- when he fired the head of the FBI for proceeding to investigate his possible connections to Russian interference in our election.

4. Violation of the First Amendment – when he threatens the free press. And if it’s determined that Trump knew about or was involved in Russia’s interference in our elections, he should be impeached under Article III, Section defining “treason against the United States.”

It’s time for Republican politicians, if they really are patriotic Americans, as they love to paint themselves, to come forward and start the process of removing the most incompetent, dangerous man to hold the office of President in many decades, maybe ever. To do any less is to join Donald Trump in his treasonous behavior.

– James Israel, Editor

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November, 2017

Don’t Let Your Friends Go Without…Give the HUMOR TIMES!

HUMOR TIMES

3

A Tax Cut Only a Billionaire Could Love After making a big splash on health care...

the GOP is ready to move on to a more familiar area.

They say have a cutting edge plan...

and it’s one that will certainly soak the middle class.

Their “principals” are adaptable...

and they’re learning from a real pro.

It’s sure to spur the economy, they say...

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and make America’s richest great again, again.

HUMOR TIMES

November, 2017

He Needs Consoling The president said it’s very hard...

and that he deserves a break.

At least Fox “News” is always there to back him up.

Meanwhile...

saying that it was he who got a raw deal.

Trump continued his “very presidential” spat with war widows...

and will continue to reach out to console those in need.

After all, he said, he’s giving it all he’s got...

November, 2017

HUMOR TIMES

5

Trump Takes Aim at His Own Feet Like the previous week and every one since February, the last seven day period has been a perfect example of why the current administration gets less traction than a flamingo wearing galoshes on an ice rink. The problem is Donald Trump: King of the unforced error, who shoots himself in the foot so many times, it’s amazing he has either of his knees left.

The week started out innocently enough. A reporter asked why the White House hadn’t mentioned the four Green Berets killed in Niger two weeks earlier. Misunderstanding the query, the president said he was preparing to call the families of the fallen. That wasn’t the question, but it would have been fine if he stopped there. But he didn’t and proceeded to take aim with a shotgun at his shoes.

Shifting focus, the president targeted his Oval Office predecessors by saying “most of them didn’t make calls.” It was a statement that raised the hackles of Barack Obama, George W. Bush and every other president going back to the first John Adams.

In an attempt to stem the continuing negative press covfefe, Trump hastily called a Gold Star widow who was on the way to pick up her husband’s remains and consoled her by saying “your guy” “knew what he signed up for, but when it happens, it hurts anyway.” It was as comforting as cuddling up to a quiver of poisoned arrows in a barbed wire sleeping bag.

Florida Congresswoman Frederica Wilson recounted the conversation, having been in the car with her close friend, the widow of Sergeant La David Johnson, when the president called on speakerphone. Trump insisted he never said what the Congresswoman said he said and he had proof. But the proof was never identified or revealed or spoken of again. Proof go poof!

The next day the White House Chief of Staff, John Kelly, a Gold Star father as well as a retired four star Marine general, showed up at a press conference with a rhetorical mop and said, yes, Trump did say what the Congresswoman said he said, but only because he, John Kelly, told him to say it. The president simply did it inelegantly. Our rookie president may have many skills, but touchy-feely is not one of them.

Kelly went on to refer to Congresswoman Wilson as an “empty barrel,” saying he was stunned she listened in on the call, ignoring the fact he was listening as well. Being “stunned” the phone call you were listening in on was being monitored by someone else is like expressing “shock” the wallet you ripped off was stolen.

Kelly has been reluctant to speak publicly of his son’s death, but touched on it to defend his boss, recklessly squandering the credibility of the Adult Supervision Office. Press Spokesperson Sarah Huckabee Sanders was asked about inconsistencies in Kelly’s account, and said questioning the word of a four star general was highly inappropriate. As opposed to calling a Gold Star widow a liar. Which is very appropriate.

Everybody understands such a phone call is one of the toughest things a president or any human has to do. And Trump could have stopped the misadventure by apologizing for his clumsy attempt. But it’s increasingly apparent why Donald Trump never apologizes; because if he ever started, he’d be forced to spend every waking minute doing it.

F’ing Chutes & Ladders Here’s the deal: You don’t start out by calling someone an

WILL DURST

“f’ing moron.” That’s a final exclamatory heave after exhausting all other slanders. Fool. Jerk. Pinhead. Nitwit. Idiot. Nincompoop. Moron. Until finally… f’ing moron. It doesn’t quite scale the heights of “total f’ing moron” or “banana faced monkey dribbler,” but it’s close.

So Rex Tillerson must have been at the end of his rope when he flung that particular phrase of scorn and contempt at Donald Trump. Sounds like a spontaneous human explosion stemming from a well of frustration so deep it echoes. The sort of expletive one blurts out after bludgeoning one’s thumb with one’s hammer.

Repeatedly.

According to NBC News, the outburst occurred after the president voiced his desire to increase our nuclear weapons to 1969 levels of around 30,000 warheads as opposed to the 4,000 available now. Because more is better and most is best. And too much is not enough. And other 80s buzz phrases, all accompanied to the soundtrack of A Flock of Seagulls’ Greatest Hits. Like “Donald Trump’s Kept Campaign Promises,” a short playlist.

Pentagon officials were aghast and quickly provided the president with an impromptu clinic detailing how today’s smaller arsenal is more nimble and effective than the unwieldy collection of 50 years ago. And the chances they used a pie chart with bright numbers in huuuuge circles and bold arrows in primary colors are high.

As a can di date, Don ald Trump said he knew a lot about ‘nuclear” because his uncle was a phys i cist at MIT. Which makes about as much sense as tie-joists made out of pudding.

A lot of us visited the animation room at Dis ney land where Tinkerbell was created, but that does n’t mean we can poop fairly dust or fly.

When questioned about the purported insult, the Secretary of State feigned outrage saying he would not dignify the rumor with an answer, but refused to deny fling ing the cal umny.

Leaving it all up to our imaginations.

The Donald said the whole thing was fake news, but then challenged Secretary Tillerson to an IQ test saying “And I can tell you who is going to win.”

Leaving it all up to our imaginations. So they have that in common.

This IQ thing seems to be a continuing theme with the 45th President. He challenged London Mayor Sadiq Khan to an IQ test and said Rick Perry should take an IQ test before being included in the Republican debates. But then he picked the former Texas Governor to head his Department of Energy. So, ap par ently he does n’t hold much stock in his own opinions.

Which must come in handy, when y ou have so m any conflicting ones.

On a Sunday morning show, Tillerson took the high road and didn’t accuse Trump of not being able to spell IQ if you spotted him the “I” and told him the rest was between P & R and rhymed with U. But you got the feeling he wanted to.

George W Bush may have been a Wheel of Fortune president in a Jeopardy world. But Donald Trump is more of a Chutes & Ladders kind of a guy.

Too bad the presidency, like the sides of toy boxes, doesn’t have a suggested age rating. At least something that said: “For mature adults only.”

Will Durst is an award-winning, nationally acclaimed political comic. Go to willdurst.com for info about the doc u men tary film, “3 Still Standing” and calendar listings that feature future appearances such as his current “Durst Case Scenario” show.

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HUMOR TIMES

November, 2017

Hollywouldn’t Hollywood’s sexually abusive culture...

has been getting a pass for far too long.

But women have finally delivered some payback...

to at least one repugnant movie mogul.

Sure, Tinsel Town has suffered a hit...

but it’s not the only place these things go on.

Meanwhile, the right is reveling in the whole episode...

November, 2017

HUMOR TIMES

and Republicans say they want to help women.

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The Prez Trump may have missed his calling...

but must now be kept from making the call.

He says he’s the most patriotic prez ever...

and anyone who says different is wacko.

He insists he’s the best president ever...

America is a huge mess, he said...

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and shows it every chance he gets.

and anyone who disagrees is treasonous “fake news.”

HUMOR TIMES

November, 2017

All the President’s Men The president’s cabinet has had a lot of turnover...

but may be the only thing saving us.

The Secretary of State, in particular...

has had it pretty rough.

The prez challenged him...

and Tillerson soon changed his tune...

November, 2017

and continues to be controversial...

so he could continue to do his job.

HUMOR TIMES

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Cartertoons • www.cartertoons.com

•

by Jon Carter

Cartertoons • www.cartertoons.com

•

by Jon Carter

“We Report, You Decry!”

Headline News Section Aspiring to the High Standards Set by Cable News

Pence Stormed Out of NFL Game, but Not Protesters File Class for Reason You Think Action Lawsuit INDIANAPOLIS — Two things anger Vice President Pence more than taking knee during Against George Soros the national anthem: one is chewing with your mouth open, the second is Giant’s Football. for Unpaid Labor A case of geographical mistaken identity was As many as 5 million paid protesters may be eligible for a new class action lawsuit filed against billionaire George Soros for what the plaintiffs allege is a failure to pay for labor.

Did George Soros take a page from Donald Trump and not pay what he promised?

The 5 mil lion number includes the Women’s March, which was the largest ever single-day protest in response to the inauguration of Donald Trump, as well as numerous protests that have occurred since.

According to the lead plaintiff Uncle Harold P. Farcington III, he joined the protests after seeing that there was money to be made while read ing the news on InfoWars.

Soros maintains his innocence, and when reached for comment he responded via skywriting plane.

“You have got to be f***ing kidding me,” said the plane.

Reported by StubhillNews.com

Surgeon General’s Warning: Humor Times Habit-Forming The U.S. Surgeon General warned citizens about the national humor magazine, the Humor Times today, saying it was “habit forming” and could lead to serious bouts of belly-laughter, and upset the habitually pessimistic.

“We’ve all heard the line, ‘laughter is the best medicine,’” the official said, “but is it, really? Perhaps too much of a good thing is just that – too much. Be careful out there, America.”

(Ed: Subscribe on page 3, if you can handle it. And please give subscriptions responsibly!)

to blame Sunday night when a furious Pence stormed out of the Lucas Oil Stadium in Indianapolis after seeing what he thought was the New York Giants taking the field.

“What the hell is this?” demanded an outraged Pence upon misinterpreting a Payton Manning jersey in the stands. “I thought we were Indianapolis! The Giants suck!”

Pence then gathered his things along with his composure and stormed out of the luxury box.

Kathy-Anne Sterling, an employee of Lucas Oil Stadium, was startled by the exit. “I honestly don’t know what happened,” she explained.

“One minute he was lecturing on why abortion is a sin and the next he’s screaming about how Ben McAdoo has the look of a pedophile.”

Soon after his departure, the Vice President tweeted, “The POTUS and I will not dignify any team that disrespects talent, athleticism, or the ability to compete in this league.”

When reached for questioning in regards to Pence’s departure Giant’s Senior Vice President and Gen eral Man ager, Jerry Reese, said, “Yeah… I don’t blame him.” Reese then went on to say, “We’re pretty terrible.”

Pence later deleted his Twitter rant after a brief chastising from the President. Trump was quoted as referring to Twitter as, “my thing.”

The Vice President, however, is still permitted the use of such social media outlets as Facebook, Instagram and Tinder, according to White House sources.

“Those are fine,” said President Trump. “I’d even allow Trivia Crack if we weren’t in the middle of a war on drugs.”

Reported by Patrick Lawlor.

NRA Reacts: ‘What Las Vegas?’

“Cards don’t gamble, people do, but not in fictional cities.” – NRA statement In a reaction to the almost universal condemnation of the biggest mass shooting in U.S. history, the NRA and gun owners have retorted that the whole episode is just another great liberal hoax and that Las Vegas doesn’t even exist.

The Gun Enthusiasts Needing Obscene Calibers of Insidious Death Engines (G.E.N.O.C.I.D.E.), a firearm cult group, stated that the whole incident is just a fabrication from the great liberal Satans that have taken over the country and want to take everyone’s guns, making it easier for them to rule.

Incensed people have provided the organization with documentary evidence that a place named Las Vegas really does exist, and that the shootings really did happen. But they have been condemned as “Communists, anarchists and rumor mongers” by gun lovers. They deny Las Vegas’ existence even when presented with books, films and photos of it.

“No matter what proof we present, they deny

that there was ever a place called Las Vegas and say that the recent shootings were just a fabrication of prejudices against guns and their owners!” stated an exasperated Leonard L e f t l e a n e r, spokesman for Important Materials Providing On line Sup port and Sustaining Information against Big Lie Enthusiasts (I.M.P.O.S.S.I.B.L.E.).

“The only time they would give us any attention was when we screened the Elvis Presley movie ‘Viva Las Vegas!’ for them. Then, some of them woke up out of their somnambulism and made comments like, “All right, ELVIS!” and “That place looks cool!” and “Wow, that babe Ann Margaret is HOT!!!”

Gun lovers staged a “Fake Las Vegas” protest march, carrying signs and shouting slogans such as “Shoot a liberal for Jesus,” “Let me give you a bullet belly-button” and “What is the use of a gun if you don’t shoot someone with it?”

Reported by Roger Freed.

Trump Financial Plan: Print More Money The Trump White House has announced a new economic plan to rid the country of its domestic and foreign debt, eradicate taxes and provide enough funding for in fra struc ture pro jects over the next ten years by print ing as much money as needed.

Some economists argue that printing an infinite sup ply of money will reduce the value of the American dollar to pennies, driving the cost of everyday goods like a loaf of bread to more than $100. The White House, through the following statement from Treasury Secretary Steven Mnuchin, refutes such claims: “Claims that prices would spiral out of control are absurd. More money being pumped into the economy doesn’t translate to higher prices.

Ever hear of interest? It’s money being created!

Or foreign investors — what do you think happens when their money is used for American projects? Yuan, Euro, rubles are all turned into American dollars through some sort of conversion alchemy, which means you have more money in the economy. And nothing changes.

Things are fine. Which is exactly what our plan is going to do, except we’re making it a direct link from the Treasury to the people.”

The statement, which, at times, seems to ramble, continues: “The infinite influx of cash will help the country wipe out all of its debt to other countries. Whatever we owe another nation, we’re

12

most confident that nation will accept a cash payment. And the president is such a good nego ti a tor, they’ll take fifty cents on the dollar.

We owe China $1.1 trillion. We owe Japan even more, but nobody talks about that, so that doesn’t mat ter. But guess what? China is going to forgive the debt for five hun dred bil lion. With this deal, the coun try saves half a trillion dollars. That’s big money.

“And economists who warn of rising inflation are wrong. If someone charges a hundred bucks for a loaf of bread, other bakers will undercut him and charge less. You can charge whatever you want. It’s a free market. It’s perfect. Not to mention, this plan gets rid of taxes.

Talk about a tax cut; this is a tax eliminator. Nobody has ever cut taxes like this. How great is that?

“Also, companies that secure contracts for any infrastructure or development projects through the new fiscal plan are eligible to have their corporate debts paid off by a governmental cash infusion, which will create tons of jobs that will be higher-paying than any in history, because employers can pay whatever they like, including to themselves.” *Update: The White House would like to clarify that the phrase “infinite influx of cash” is inaccurate and fake, and that “endless” should replace “infinite.”

Reported by Daniel DiPrinzio.

Pres. Committee Finds Liberal ‘Big Words’ Conspiracy The reason for the President’s use of oneand two-syllable words has been revealed In an impromptu encounter on the White House steps, a small group of reporters asked President Trump whether it was true that a new report has been issued by a committee specially commissioned by the president that claims that the use of “big words” with three syllables or more by politicians is a liberal conspiracy.

The President, indicating his preferred word size.

President Trump smiled and replied, “Yes, it’s a great report, by a great group, and it was my great idea.”

“Can you explain why this is an issue worthy of study by a presidential committee?” queried a reporter.

“Sure,” the president responded immediately.

“They use big words to try to confuse the public.

It all begins with the word liberal. See what I mean: li-ber-al and con-spir-a-cy instead of clear and simple language like ‘plan.’ That’s why I only talk in words with one or two parts, so the people of our country know what I mean, no fake big word stuff.”

“But what about your followers who call themselves con-ser-va-tives?” called out another reporter.

“I’m glad you asked that, “ exclaimed Trump with a smirk. “Now you know why we changed it to ‘Alt Right!’”

“But what about the word ‘Re-pub-li-can?’ shouted another astonished reporter.

“I’ve been working on changing that since I got into office,” said Trump with a wink.

“But even pre-si-dent has three syllables,” quipped the reporter, shaking his head.

“Oh, I’m working on that too. There are so many words to choose from that are a better fit for me.”

At that point the president turned and walked away muttering under his breath, “lord, king, god.”

Reported by Diane de Anda.

Ripping the Headlines Today Making fun of the headlines today, so you don’t have to

By Paul Lander. All you need to do is follow one simple rule: barely pay attention and jump to conclusions. So, here are some headlines today and my first thoughts: Trump says NBC should lose broadcast license I kinda agree, but for me it’s for not bringing back Shakira as a judge on ‘The Voice.’

NASA: Moon has no atmosphere, but has that always been the case?

I wonder the same about Ol ive Gar den res taurants.

Trump: We can’t keep FEMA, the military & the first responders in Puerto Rico forever!

Yeah, who do they think they are? Afghanistan?

Will.i.am doesn’t think ‘Game of Thrones’ has enough black people in it I agree. I’ll still watch the show, but to protest I’ll take a knee during the opening credits.

Harvey Weinstein banned from the Motion Picture Academy …and, let’s hope, at the potted plant section at Lowe’s.

Eminem unleashes on Trump at BET Awards Yup , t h e R e a l S l i m Shady dropped the mic on the Real Dim Shady.

Trump’s ex Ivana calls herself the ‘First Lady’ and worries about Melania’s jealousy See what happens when you outsource for wives …

House Speaker Paul Ryan visits Puerto Rico as much of the island remains without power Much like the Speaker, himself…

Carter Page says he’ll take the fifth before Senate Intelligence panel in Russia probe In related news, Steve Bannon will drink a fifth.

Kim Kardashian & Caitlyn Jenner are still not speaking How’d they both get so lucky?

Colorado defends its legal marijuana program in strong letter to Jeff Sessions Let’s just say it was blunt.

MLB and Cubs sued after line drive foul ball leaves man blinded in one eye On the upside, he is halfway there to being a major league umpire.

Sen. Corker said White House is like an adult day care center Look for the President to hold his breath and stomp his feet until Corker takes it back.

HUMOR TIMES

Playboy exec: ‘It’s an “embarrassment’ Trump was once on our cover’ Why? You guys made a fortune off big boobs…

Read more columns by Paul Lander at humortimes.com.

November, 2017

Thoughts, Prayers and Paychecks America is a dangerous place, it seems...

but the system works, say certain congressmen.

That’s why they’re so emotionally invested...

in continuing the winning strategy.

As the crisis unfolded, they were considering a new bill...

But it’s clear who the terrorists are...

November, 2017

and said that now was not the time to discuss reform.

and that more of the same won’t cut it.

HUMOR TIMES

13

Health Scare

Disaster President

Republicans found themselves behind the curve...

The president gave himself an “A”...

and Americans felt they’d gone overboard. which is easy when you’re the best.

So Donnie is doing his best to do his worst...

He said disasters are hard on the budget...

but rewarded himself for his hard work.

as are his colleagues in Congress.

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HUMOR TIMES

November, 2017

Disrespecting the Flag Trump continued to pontificate...

and to be an example to the world.

He said NFL athletes disrespected his troops...

and even the sport itself.

Military veterans are speaking out too...

as do American heroes from the echoes of history.

There will be penalties assessed...

November, 2017

and we all know just where he can stick it.

HUMOR TIMES

15

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Calling for Investments, Donations for “YUGE” Subscriptions Push!

For 26 1/2 years, the Comic Press News, now known as the Humor Times, has been a veritable institution in the Sacramento area, providing sharp, penetrating political humor, fresh points of view and informed commentary on issues that affect our lives.

But now it’s time to expand or die! We are looking to increase our subscription base, and we have a promotional strategy that we feel will accomplish that. We are calling it the “Three Issue Blitz.” In short, this is a mailing that blankets targeted areas for three consecutive months.

People of a certain political bent who discover the Humor Times tend to love it – but not enough potential readers have discovered it! So, our plan is to target liberal areas (our best demographic) in places outside of Sacramento, introducing a whole new fan base to the magazine.

Similar niche publications have used this technique very successfully, and we expect it to pay off handsomely. But we need funds to implement the strategy. That’s where you come in!

Please contact us for more information and a detailed breakdown of our “patented” Three Issue Blitz strategy! Serious inquiries only, please. Get in touch today! Thank you!

Humor Times • PO Box 162429, Sacramento, CA 95816 • info@humortimes.com

The Hightower Lowdown Are You Ready for Corporate America’s Robot Economy?

With corporations socking away massive profits, and with the labor market fairly tight, why are worker’s wages still stuck at miserly and even poverty levels?

One big reason is that corporate boards and CEOs have their heads stuck in a dreamy future.

Nearly every economic sector is actually spending vast sums of money on workers — just not human workers. While few Americans are aware of it, bosses are quietly investing in hordes of sophisticated autonomous robots powered by a cognitive technology called artificial intelligence. Instead of paying a decent wage to you, corporations are buying millions of these cheap, human-esque thinking machines in order to take a shocking number of jobs from… well, from you.

Accountants, bank loan officers, financial analysts, insurance claims adjustors — all of these “numbers jobs” are already falling to bots that can calculate much faster and more accurately than people.

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Journalism? Associated Press now uses artificial intelligence machines to write thousands of financial articles and sports reports and Forbes magazine uses an AI system named Quill to pen articles.

Skilled labor? Meet SAM, a robotic bricklayer that lays three times as many bricks in a day as humans can, displacing the jobs of three people. Crane and bulldozer operators are expected to be ousted by robots in the next 10 years.

Farmers? The first robot farm is opening in Japan, with automatons transplanting, watering and harvesting the crop. There’s also a shepherd robot that can run an entire livestock farm.

Also, the jobs of librarians, pharmacists, lawyers, air traffic controllers, doctors, teachers, hospital administrators, bartenders — and so many more — are targeted for massive displacement. In just the next five years, six percent of all U.S. jobs are expected to be robotized!

Whether you’re ready or not there’s a robot

in your future, and clearly I don’t mean one of those cute little labor-saving automatons — like a “Roomba” vacuum cleaner that scoots around.

Far from saving you from doing extra labor, this new wave of robots is being brought into your workplace to rescue corporate bosses and investors from paying you to work for them. You might think, not my workplace, for I’m not a factory worker — I’ve got a college degree and I work with my brain, so no contraption doing rote mechanical tasks can take my job.

These are “thinking machines,” implanted with complex neural networks and superfast algorithmic computers that operate in sync, functioning much like the cluster of specialized cells in the human brain. These brainy bots have a fast-evolving ability to watch, listen and learn on their own, they can develop new abilities and are even able to produce and teach other robots.

Not only are they displacing flesh-and-blood workers on factory assembly lines, but millions of them are now being moved into professional, managerial, creative and other occupations previously assumed to be the secure domains of higher-educated, higher-paid people, and as you can see from the list above… maybe even yours.

HUMOR TIMES

JIM HIGHTOWER To be clear, it’s not robots that are taking our jobs, but corporate profiteers. They’re creating a robot economy in order to displace you and me with inexpensive machines that don’t demand higher wages or health care, don’t take sick days or vacations and don’t organize unions, file lawsuits or vote for pro-worker politicians. It’s to be a plutocratic utopia designed by and for the corporate elite — and they’re pushing it hard and fast, hoping We the People don’t wake up until it’s too late.

Robots are not our enemy — the corporate bosses, bankers and BSers who own robots are the ones doing this to us, and now is the time for all of us whom they’re about to discard to rebel against their socially destructive greed.

November, 2017

You’ve Been Friended Sometimes it’s hard to tell...

This Year, Give the Gift of Laughter! (via political humor!)

®

who your real friends are...

Get a whopping

$5

OFF!

until it’s too late.

on any Gift Sub thru Dec. 31st!*

Support the media you want to see!

In this era of corporatedominated media, the independent press needs your support. Feel great about your gifts this year, give the Humor Times!

We thank you.

Meanwhile, anything is possible now, it seems.

*Discount good on regular U.S. subscription rates, as shown on pg 3.

You may order online (see link in the left column at humortimes.com) by using “GiftHT” in the discount code box. Or, simply fill out the form on page 3, and note “Holiday Discount.” You may choose whether you would like the subscription to start with the December or January issues. If you like, a Gift Certificate will be sent to the recipient in your name! Order today!

November, 2017

HUMOR TIMES

17

Miscellaneous Mischief

18

HUMOR TIMES

November, 2017

November, 2017

HUMOR TIMES

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OUR MEDICINE IS LAB TESTED

EDUCATED, EXPERIENCED, KNOWLEDGEABLE STAFF *Doctor’s recommendation

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Thanks for All the Laughs through the Years, Humor Times!

Happy Holidays from Vic’s Ice Cream!

Come on in and enjoy our Pumpkin, Eggnog, Spumoni, Irish Coffee, Pistachio, Peppermint Stick Ice Creams or a Fresh Cranberry Sherbet!

Enjoy one of dozens of fabulous flavors!

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“It’s increasingly apparent why Donald Trump never apologizes; because if he ever started, he’d be forced to spend every waking minute doing it.” – Will Durst

GET YOUR NAME in in the Humor Times!

Call or email now to become a “Political Humor Sponsor” and get your name or organization listed in the next issue! 916-758-8255 • info@humortimes.com.

California Stage Theater Creations Celebrating 26 Years Years!

THE THIRD AGE – Classical Radio Dramas, Live on Stage!

“Stranger in the House” Starring Mark Fejta as “The Whistler,” and Kate Muris as “Helen Van Norton” THREE DATES ONLY: November 17 and 18 at 7:00pm, November 19 at 2:00 pm Everyone was thrilled to have Ted home from the war ... except Helen.

Tickets: www.CalStage.org Or call 916-451-5822

Three Penny Theater in the R25 Arts Complex aa 25th & R St, Midtown • Easy free parking available • 916-451-5822

GIVE, THAT OTHERS MAY LAUGH!

Issue #307

November 2017

‘World’s Funniest News Source’ Formerly the Comic Press News

®

In these tough times, don’t be selfish, share the

All Tickets: $10.00 Complimentary Refreshments

with everyone you know. You’ll be helping them to laugh in the face of the present insanity, while supporting free press and political satire!

Subscribe or give a gift sub today, using the form on page 3.

Makes an awesome gift for lovers of political humor!

“Don’t cry about the news, laugh about it, with the Humor Times!”

The Humor Times: Taking No Prisoners with Political Cartoons, Since 1991