Humor Times, January 2018

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January, 2018

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HUMOR TIMES

January, 2018

Editor’s Letter

Net Neutered

Now Available at Barnes & Noble Stores Across the Country!

We are excited that this is the first issue of the Humor Times that is available in Barnes & Noble stores (and others) across the nation. How long we will be in the stores will depend on sales, so please, visit a B&N and buy a copy! Tell your family and friends, wherever they live, to do the same! Thank you!

If you are in a store perusing up a copy of the Humor Times right now, welcome!

This magazine is basically a monthly review of the news, told the fun way! We use the best editorial cartoons from the finest cartoonists in the nation, arranged by subject and strung together with a running narrative to re-tell recent news stories in a satirical manner.

Political humor is big these days, on so many TV shows, online and in print, and for good reason. People are thirsty for the comic relief. The political battles being fought now are critical to the future of our nation, and it’s easy to get burned out by the seriousness of it all. That’s where we come in!

We make it entertaining, but we don’t hold back any punches. Politicians, celebrities, the media – they are all richly deserving of the satirical treatment we deliver.

We hope you enjoy this issue, and show it to friends. Please share your find on social media (see our website at humortimes.com and ‘like’ our Facebook web page at facebook.com/humortimes). And give subscriptions! See our $5 Off New Year’s Special, page 7, and give subs to friends, family, coworkers – even yourself! (Use the form below, or get a couple bucks off by signing up online – see links on our website.

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Thank you very much, and enjoy!

Many don’t yet realize it, but...

giving up control of the internet to big biz will cost us...

– James Israel, Editor

in more ways than one.

The Humor Times® (ISSN 1937 299X), Vol. 27, Issue 309, is published monthly by the Humor Times, 7271 Lindale Dr, Sacramento, CA 95828. Periodicals Postage Paid at Sacramento, CA and additional mailing offices. POSTMASTER: Send address changes to Humor Times, P.O. Box 162429, Sacramento, CA 95816-2429.

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Contributors: P. Beckert, Steve Benson, Ruben Bolling, Chris Britt, Jon Carter, Will Durst, Michael Egan, Walt Handelsman, Phil Hands, Jim Hightower, David Horsey, Paul Lander, Chan Lowe, Mike Luckovich, Gary Markstein, Jack Ohman, Dan Piraro, Marshall Ramsey, Rob Rogers, Harley Schwadron, Drew Sheneman, Scott Stantis, Dana Summers, Tom Toles, Roz Warren, Dan Wasserman and others.

Contributions: Send artwork/submissions to address or email above.

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January, 2018

HUMOR TIMES

3

Special Election Republicans were willing to go all in...

and Alabama supporters said had no reason to doubt him.

It’s just a fact of life, they said...

4

and teaching them early is important.

They set an example to follow...

with an inspiring message.

Trump backed Moore as “his type of guy”...

and stood up for him as long as he could. (continued)

HUMOR TIMES

January, 2018

But voters came through, bucking Moore’s run...

and it wasn’t pretty.

In fact, to Republicans, it stunk...

but for Dems it was sweet revenge.

Bannon said he’d done all he could...

yet it does not bode well for the prez.

For the most part, the result was a big relief...

January, 2018

but still...

HUMOR TIMES

5

Top 10 Comedic News Stories of 2017 Put down the nog. Let in the dog. Delay your spouse’s jog.

Buy a mask for the smog. Alert the press in Prague. Because the eagerly awaited list of Top 10 Comedic News Stories of the Year has finally arrived. It truly is… the most wonderful time of the year.

But first, a word of caution: these stories are not be confused with the Top Ten Legitimate News Stories of 2017. No. No. No. They are as dissimilar as Ruth Bader Ginsburg and strip poker.

Like aluminum snow shovels and chocolate lava cakes. Oxblood wing-tips and tufted wrestling mats.

These are the events that most lent themselves to jocularity.

The ones with a comedic angle. You will find no mention of snipers, Nazis, hurricanes, wildfires, terrorism, Democrats or sexual assaults. Those may have been major occurrences during the past year, but in terms of mockability, not a match. So, here they are, The Top 10 Comedic News Stories of 2017: 10. SEAN SPICER. Donald Trump’s proxy punching bag. I kept waiting for him to show up at a press briefing with his tie around his forehead and a knife clenched in his teeth sputtering “Who wants a piece of me?” He resigned in order to spend more time lying to his family.

9. SECRETARY OF STATE REX TILLERSON. He refuses to deny he called the president a moron, becoming the new hero of millions. Afterwards the president challenged him to an IQ test even though it is not a slam dunk he could spell IQ if you spotted him the I. 8. INAUGURATION. The 45th president called it the most well-attended inaugural in the history of ever, despite photographic evidence to the extreme contrary. I’m still amazed he put his hand on the Bible and it didn’t burst into flames.

7. PRESIDENT FEUDS WITH NORTH KOREA. Immi-

nent nuclear warfare is usually not that amusing. Hopefully this schoolyard tussle between two grown adolescents with weird hair and daddy issues is not the beginning of the sequel to Dr. Strangelove. Every day without a mushroom cloud has to be counted as a victory.

6. ANTHONY SCARAMUCCI. For 10 wonderful days, this train wreck with the name of a 16th commedia dell’arte villain spun out of control like a gyroscope through four magnetic fields on its path to a black hole.

5. RUSSIAN PROBES. At tor ney Gen eral Jef fer son Beauregard Sessions III says the reason he keeps giving different answers to Congressional Committees is because he remembers more whenever he learns there is evidence.

4. DONALD TRUMP JR. The Fredo of the Trump Crime Family. He’s going to make us an offer we can’t understand.

3. SPECIAL PROSECUTOR. Robert Mueller was appointed in middle of May, which means in four short months, Donald Trump went from zero to Nixon.

2. PRESIDENT FEUDS WITH NFL. Tweeted 24 times about players not standing for national anthem and not once about the ongoing humanitarian crisis in Puerto Rico. That’s leadership like two bottles of Jagermeister are dinner.

1. PRESIDENT DONALD TRUMP. The man has single handedly done for political comedy what legalized marijuana did for Cheetos. George W Bush may have been a Wheel of Fortune president in a Jeopardy world, but Donald Trump looks to be more of a Chutes & Ladders kind of a guy.

No Means No An avalanche of revelations concerning public figures engaging in various types of sexual harassment has tumbled down upon

WILL DURST

our heads, and the airwaves are consumed with accusations, recriminations, equivocations and ethical gyrations, not to mention the threat of career annihilations. And it couldn’t happen to a more deserving aggregation of guys.

Since early October, after numerous women came forward to accuse Hollywood producer Harvey Weinstein of sexually abusive behavior, huge numbers of high-profile males have faced similar charges and either been fired, allowed to resign, lost committee leadership positions, had projects canceled, entered rehab, become incapable of speech or are favorites to win the vacant U.S. Senate seat in Alabama.

We’re not just talking politicians, but judges and talk show hosts and actors and comedians and producers and professors and presidents and professional athletes and coaches and chefs and reporters and editors and publishers and venture capitalists and rental clowns. We haven’t even scratched the clergy, which many of them would most assuredly enjoy.

Men Behaving Badly is a tale as old as dogs chasing cats, a concept even more apropos when you consider that most men are horndogs to begin with. It’s a miracle women have survived, considering the position of vulnerability various quirks of nature foisted upon them: childbirth, being 10 percent smaller than male counterparts and a shorter fertility period. Offset by living longer and a tendency to mature more quickly and some might argue owning a monopoly on that particular aspect.

Every single woman you’ve ever met, including your sister, m ot her, gr and m ot her and great-grandmother (if you met her), has been the unwelcome recipient of inappropriate touching and crude groping and hugs that go on much too long and clumsy pawing and cheek kisses that inexplicably involve wetness and all sorts of leers and ogles and catcalls and having to constantly worry that the provocative or unprovocative clothing they are wearing might provoke the unwarranted attention of some der anged car bon uni t wi t h y-chromosome poisoning who thinks he is god’s gift to women.

Which admittedly is many of us.

Okay. Most. All? And that categorically has to include grabbing someone by the private parts and the fact we have a leader who bragged about that sort of activity is as helpful as wiring a park bench to a chandelier. That’s not locker room ban ter, that’s an oaf ish toad gloating about his clueless entit l e m ent and di s r e gar d f or decency.

It is way way past the point that we men get hip to the simple fact that no means “no”. It doesn’t mean, “yes, please.” It doesn’t mean, “maybe.” It doesn’t mean, “It’s getting hot in here, so take off all my clothes.”

And it certainly doesn’t mean “You big lug, you’re so cute when you’re angry and thank god you know what I want more than I do and I love it when your face turns that blotchy tomato color.” Because, trust us, nobody likes that blotchy tomato color.

Not only does no mean “no”, it also means “don’t.” Don’t threaten, don’t ha rass, don’t stand close enough to smell your aftershave and don’t make sly in nu en does, which usu ally aren’t very sly or innuendoish.

This is the second decade of the 20th Century. Time to lose the Middle Ages werewolf attitude and start walking and acting upright. Make your great-grandmother proud.

Will Durst is an award-winning, nationally acclaimed political comic.

Go to willdurst.com for info about the doc u men tary film, “3 Still Standing” and calendar listings that feature future appearances such as his current “Durst Case Scenario” show.

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HUMOR TIMES

January, 2018

Playing With Dynamite Trump tried more of his trademark ‘diplomacy’...

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HUMOR TIMES

7

Them Too It started out as a “dirty dozen”...

and now they are legion.

There seems to be an inherent flaw...

but men have no excuses.

Congress said it will try to air things out...

Thankfully, there are a few good ones.

noting that it’s a bipartisan matter...

8

and that ultimately, it’s not really their fault. (continued)

HUMOR TIMES

January, 2018

Ranking Democrats were caught red-handed...

and have given up their seats...

setting a good example... for stand-up Republicans.

The trail leads to the top... so even Trump is feeling the heat...

and it’s getting harder and harder to hide.

January, 2018

Meanwhile, don’t expect any miracles.

HUMOR TIMES

9

Cartertoons • www.cartertoons.com

•

by Jon Carter

Cartertoons • www.cartertoons.com

•

by Jon Carter

“We Report, You Decry!”

Mitch McConnell Returns to Galápagos Islands to Save His Species WASHINGTON, DC — Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell, after failing to repeal Obamacare or reform taxes, has de cided he will re turn to his na tive Galápagos Islands to save his species of tortoise from extinction.

Lonesome George: close relative.

Many thought the Pinta Island Tortoise extinct when Lonely George died in 2012 — little did they know that another member of the species had, very slowly, made its way to Washington, D.C. Burt, a Galápagos finch, was as surprised as anyone. “I always knew lonely Mitch was devious, but he’s amazed all of us. He held a grudge against humanity for killing his fellow tortoises, and must have tried to get his revenge by taking away Americans’ health insurance and giving tax breaks to the rich.”

McConnell’s Senate staff confirmed that he intends to reach Pinta Island within 25 years, right in time for mating season — if he can find another surviving tortoise, that is. While the whole undertaking may seem ridiculous and doomed to fail, that’s never stopped Mitch McConnell before.

Back in Washington, the GOP is concerned McConnell’s disappearance could inspire others and stall the Republican agenda. There is still no word on whether Paul Ryan will go on an expedition to find his long lost spine, or whether Trump will return to his native land of “Cheetos.”

Reported by Adam Barsouk.

Surgeon General’s Warning: Humor Times Habit-Forming The U.S. Surgeon General warned citizens about the Humor Times today, calling it habit forming. “Perhaps too much of a good thing is just that – too much. Be careful, America.” (Ed: Subscribe on page 3, if you can handle it. And please give subscriptions responsibly!)

Taurus: Your New Year’s resolutions are likely to involve losing weight. Note that popular diets are a form of social control designed to keep you di et ing – go for a life style change instead.

Gemini: Want to start off the N e w Ye a r wi t h b a l a n c e d twindom? Proceed as if there’s no such thing as a white lie or Starbucks.

Cancer: While you may want to con tinue into 2018 as though you’re protected in that hard exterior shell, just like Americans think they are protected by those in power from war… You are not.

12

Aspiring to the High Standards Set by Cable News

The real, under-reported story of the Alabama election

Over 650,000 Vote for Known Pedophile In shock ing news, a Even the spiritual and proven pedophile nearly historic father of the Regot elected Senator in the publican Party reached out United States. to com ment, as for mer It’s the biggest story President Abraham Linsince millions voted for a coln made contact from dis tinctly un qual i fied heaven, speaking to us via man-child for president: a Google SeanceTM. He destunning event in a southlivered what he later called e r n A me r i c a n s t a t e . his “Pedophilesburg AdNearly two-thirds of a mildress”: lion peo ple voted for a “100k score and many Roy Moore rides off into the sunset. proven pedophile, shaking moons ago — way back in the very core of what it means to be American. the cave man days — our forefathers unfortu“This is a huge event. Sure, the Democrats nately brought forth the behavior of pigs toward picked up a normally red Senate seat, electing women. And still, it goes on. It pains my heart to Doug Jones — and that’s a pretty big story,” hear that the party of — well, me — should said Alabama Secretary of State John Merrill. nearly elect such a contemptuous violator of “But this is the real story. Unfathomable!” prepubescent girls.”

Shocking election returns show that in a state In fact, the news of so many voting for such primarily identifying as “Christian” — a state, an obvious scumbag is so unprecedented and in fact, that claims to have been all about “fam- earthshaking, say experts, that there is no way to ily values” since the days of Reagan — the un- tell how the country will move on at this point. thinkable happened: Over 650,000 otherwise “The underlying cause of this shameful dissane people voted for a known pedophile. play of ignorant, abhorrent behavior on the part Pastor Franklin Floyd, a Chambers County of so many must be fully addressed and healed,” clergyman who identifies as “mostly conserva- said sociologist Beyere Ounselv. tive” said, “How so many people who call themIn related news, priests and pastors all over selves ‘Christian’ managed to contort their the state of Alabama reported record numbers of consciences in such a way as to vote for a people visiting their confessionals, many in proven pedophile — I just don’t know. That, my sackcloth and ashes. friends, is what you could truly call ‘sad.’”

Reported by James Israel.

Dreamers Could Leave Them ‘Stuck in a Dream’ HOLLYWOOD, CA — After having criticized Trump over his energy policies, actor Leonardo DiCaprio has gotten behind a new issue: Trump’s deportation of the dreamers.

“Look, I know a thing or two about dreams,” said DiCaprio, ad dress ing a crowd of young Hispanics, many of whom are uncertain about their futures in the US thanks to Trump.

“You can get so caught up in the dream, you don’t know what reality is anymore. Inception is scary! Your wife might kill herself!” DiCaprio screamed, before wiping away the tears and realizing he had gone off topic.

“If Trump tries to deport you, you could get stuck in the American dream,” DiCaprio continued, to a room full of applause. DiCaprio’s next

Horoscopes for Jerks: January 2018 Aries: As you make plans this year to be come a better leader, understand that true leadership is inclusive…The uni verse begs you to stop watching CNN and Fox News.

Headline News Section

line, “I want to get you back to your Mexican reality,” however, was met with condemnation by the audience.

DiCaprio also sparked c on tro ve rs y whe n he smashed a piñata on stage, explain ing that, “If candy doesn’t fall out, that’s how you know you’re still in the dream.”

DiCaprio’s state ments have been attacked from all sides, with Mexican-American lead ers call ing them “nonsensical and culturally insensitive,” and President Trump tweeting, “Lightweight Leo DiCaprio, who enslaved one of my many black friends Deee-Jango (or was it Ben Carson? don’t remember) is trying to save rapist dreamers. So SAD!” Reported by Adam Barsouk.

Scorpio: Your goal this New Year should be to decrease manipulative behaviors. Start with your social media activity, and don’t use celebrities as lifestyle templates.

Sagittarius: As you search for greater mean ing this New Year, remember: good archers get off their asses before drawing the bow, and they don’t buy arrows at Wal-Mart.

Capricorn: This New Year, cosmic energies remind you that respecting authority and being an authority go hand-in-hand. What and who is an authority, however, is decided by advertisements.

Leo: This year, the planets advise you: GQ and Victoria’s Secret will only increase your façade of passion and pride, not your true charisma and creativity.

Aquar ius: You may seek greater involvement with social movements this year. Just r e m e m b e r t h a t w a rd r o b e rights for golden Pomeranians pale in comparison to threats of nuclear war.

Virgo: To the extent that you prefer patterns and technology over people, keep in mind that Science is only as objective as its scientists and Sophia doesn’t want you as a mate.

Pisces: This year, you’re likely to embrace the intuition that reality is closer to a Nirvana song than an ep i sode of Friends. Suicide, however, is not the answer.

In an under-reported story Trump berated as ‘fake news,’ astonished onlookers witnessed the first-ever turkey pardoning of a president, at the annual Turkey Pardoning festivity. Here, we present an exclusive transcript.

Most agree the turkey’s speech was better.

The 48-pound white turkey, named “Drumstick,” unexpectedly hopped up to the mic, cleared his throat and began to speak.

“Thank you, Mr. President for changing my verdict from assassination to a merciful life behind chicken wire fence for the rest of my life — a fate very similar to those shared by death row inmates who have actually committed a crime.

“I am glad that you were able to see the ritualized beheading of a bird that was once considered an apt symbol of our nation by Benjamin Franklin to be as barbaric an act as ISIS commits on its hos tages. Per haps that in fa mous Photoshop of Kathy Griffin holding your fake severed head rearranged your thinking patterns a bit. At any rate, I am thankful for your compassion. Or should I say ‘your conformity.’

“At this time, President Select Trump, I would like to pardon you as well, for being a turkey yourself, in another sense of the word.

“Indeed, you are in good com pany, Mr. Trump. We are a proud bird. Of course, we would be embarrassed to be seen in public with you, but nothing is perfect, is it?

“So, in parting, I would like to say, I wish you all a Happy Thanksgiving and to remember on Christmas to eat tofu! Adieu!”

Drumstick then jumped to the ground to numerous camera clicks, not noticing that a very livid Donald Trump was in back whispering something in the ear of one of his many Secret Service agents. Moments later, a muffled thump and a surprised, choked-off “Squack!” was heard, then all was silent.

Reported by Roger Freed.

Ripping the Headlines Today

By Jennifer Hollie Bowles

Li bra: Good luck mak ing sense of that scale this year… you’re in a world where Hillary Clinton promoted Monsanto and Trump tweeted Eminem.

Exclusive: It Was the Turkey Who Forgave Trump at Thanksgiving

Making fun of the headlines today, so you don’t have to

By Paul Lander. All you need to do is follow one simple rule: barely pay attention and jump to conclusions. So, here are some headlines today and my first thoughts: CVS is buying Aetna Good thing it wasn’t other way around or the receipt would be like 2 miles long.

White House claims Obama admin approved Flynn calls with Russian ambassador …and the Lindbergh baby kidnapping.

Head of ‘National Enquirer’ accused of sexual harassment …by Big Foot and the Loch Ness Monster.

Ex-Fox Anchor, Juliet Huddy said Trump once tried to kiss her In fairness, he might have thought he was going to appear on ‘Fox and Friends with Benefits.’

GOP Congressman Steven King said, ‘diversity is not our strength’ Well, lack of diversity does make it easier to pick out Ben Carson at Cabinet meetings.

Man stuffs 459 straws into his mouth to set new world record While I’m guessing Charlie Sheen still holds the record for straws up the nose set during a cocaine bender in the 90’s.

Today in 1978, Pete Rose signs with the Philadelphia Phillies. The 4-year, $3.2 million deal makes him the highest paid player in baseball Pete bets you didn’t know that. Really, Pete is looking for any takers on that bet.

John Conyers resigns from Congress under cloud of sexual harassment charges …qualifying him to run for President.

20% of the guns in Chicago come from Indiana Here’s an idea, Illinois should build a border wall and make Indiana pay for it.

HUMOR TIMES

Earthquake and fires hit SoCal The only good news is there’s been no sightings of the disast er known as Har vey Weinstein.

Republicans Sen. Jeff Flake gives $100 donation to Democrat Doug Jones in Alabama race Not to be outdone, Trump says Roy Moore’s campaign will get a check from Mexico.

Russia banned from the 2018 Winter Olympics in PyeongChang But look for them to compete in White House Easter Egg hunt.

No white men have been nominated for the ‘Album of the Year’ ‘Grammy’ for the first time since 1999 Looks like the Kardashians are now in charge of the ‘Grammys’…

Sen. Chuck Grassley says no tax cuts for working people because they blow them on ‘booze or women.’

So, that’s why Pence’s wife won’t let him out of her sight…

Read more columns by Paul Lander at humortimes.com.

January, 2018

Make Rich America Even Richer Again Republicans know what it takes...

to please their constituents.

but it’s sound economics, they say.

The middle class will need to sacrifice some more...

In Trump country, they’re trying to understand...

but suspect something stinks.

Still, the president says it’s all part of the plan...

January, 2018

and many Americans are still believers.

HUMOR TIMES

13

The Prez Trump met with distinguished Native Americans...

sending some unmistakable signals.

He pared down America to make it great...

saying he knows what he’s doing.

His staff works hard to protect him...

He also visited a civil rights museum.

because they know that at any moment...

14

they may have to spring into action. (continued)

HUMOR TIMES

January, 2018

The Hightower Lowdown The president has some seats to fill...

and has a hard time recalling some things.

Why so Many Americans Hate Trump’s ‘Tax Reform’ Sam Rayburn of Texas, who was a legendary Speaker of the U.S. House in the 1940s and ’50s, offered this piece of ethical advice for lawmakers who were conflicted over whether to vote for the People of the lobbyists: “Every now and then, a politician ought to do something just because it’s right.”

Wow, ethics — how quaint! Today’s House Speaker, Paul Ryan, has put his own perverted twist to Rayburn’s ethics, advising his Republican majority to vote for anything just because it’s right-wing. Along with Donald Trump and Senate leader Mitch McConnell, Ryan is now pushing for a rewrite of America’s tax law that’s so far to the right that it’s horribly wrong.

Tax proposals are written in dense legalese and gobbledygook, but core purpose of this 429-page “tax reform” monster is shockingly easy to un der stand: The Trump-Ry anMcConnell triumvirate intends to take money from millions of working families and give it to the world’s wealthiest people and richest multinational corporations.

Of course, when they talk publicly about their proposal, they claim it’s all about “helping” you working stiffs. It’s “real tax reform for everyday hardworking Americans,” trumpeted our president. In private, though, they reveal to their biggest campaign donors that the plan lets them “help themselves” to the people’s money, giving these corporate elites a huge windfall — “the biggest ever,” bragged Trump. In fact, the 400 richest families in America would average $5.5 million in new tax breaks. Meanwhile, if your income is under $75,000 a year, you’ll end up worse off.

The Trump tax plan — better known as the Billionaires’ Bonanza — is not selling well among the great un washed. In deed, a two-to-one majority of the public opposes it, and only 16 percent believe it would reduce their tax bill.

But the people don’t seem to realize that Donald and his band of Trumpeteers in Congress really want to help us commoners. How? By killing that dreaded “death tax,” meaning that when you and I die we can give our estates to our heirs without that inheritance being taxed. As the president so eloquently put it: “To protect millions of small businesses and the

JIM HIGHTOWER American farmer, we are finally ending the crushing, the horrible, the unfair estate tax.”

All praise The Donald for saving us!

But wait — the great majority of us don’t own farms, businesses or big estates of any kind, so the estate tax doesn’t apply to us at all.

Also, 99 percent of people who do have farms and businesses are already exempt from the tax, for it only applies to individuals with estates worth $5.5 million or more.

I realize that Trump prefers grandiose claims over actual facts, but here are a few reality checks showing that his statement is false, a lie… a whopper: Only two-tenths of one percent of American estates are big enough to be taxed this year. How many is that? Not “millions” of families, as Trump so dramatically asserted, but just over 11,000. Moreover, the nonpartisan Tax Policy Center calculates that, this year, the estates of only about 80 family farmers and small business owners will be subject to the tax.

So who, exactly, are Trump and the GOP Congress “saving” from having to pay some taxes on their multimillion-dollar estates? The richest 0.2 percent of American families — including one named Trump. This so-called tax reform is a giveaway that lets the richest of the richest escape paying more than $20 million which they owe to support the country that has enriched them.

Forget trickle-down economics, the GOP is practicing tinkle-down economics! Why would they push such an evil, shameful policy? Because it’s not you common voters they care about, it’s the moneyed elites they love and the special interests that fund their re-election campaigns. As one Republican pusher of this tax giveaway to the rich put it: “My donors are basically saying: ‘Get it done or don’t ever call me again.’” And that’s what the Trump plan is all about.

Powerful people are starting to speak out...

including Trump himself.

January, 2018

HUMOR TIMES

15

Russiagate Trump says it’s all fake news...

and is continuing with his rigorous work schedule.

and his presidency hangs in the balance.

But it’s all starting to add up...

Mueller is persistent...

so Trump’s team is getting its story straight...

and preparing for drastic action... lest the unthinkable happen. (continued)

16

HUMOR TIMES

January, 2018

Holidaze As the majority prayed for a Christmas miracle...

As Santa knows, some people are never satisfied...

Trump just tried to steer clear.

but he had more important things to worry about this year.

It came out that some agents were anti-Trump...

Meanwhile, shoppers had more to worry about too...

and that muddied things up quite a bit.

but that’s just modern life.

January, 2018

HUMOR TIMES

17

Miscellaneous Mischief

18

HUMOR TIMES

January, 2018

January, 2018

HUMOR TIMES

19

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Issue #309

January, 2018

‘World’s Funniest News Source’ Merely $2.98

Formerly the Comic Press News

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Start Your New Year Off Right!

World Premiere of Winter’s Waltz to Open 27th Season at California Stage Set in the 1970s New York City, two strangers embark on a cat and mouse game after one invites the other into his apartment, and they explore what it means to live and die.

Written by renowned playwright Richard Broadhurst and directed by Elly award winning actor and director Janis Stevens.

Starring Tori Scroggins and Loren Taylor.

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Jan 19th - Feb 18th Tickets: CalStage.org or call (916) 451-5822 $20.00 General, $15.00 for seniors, military, students & SARTA members. $12.00 for groups of 6 or more.

California Stage Theater • Easy free parking available aa 25th & R St, Midtown • 916-451-5822

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The News, Told in Hilarious Fashion, Using the Finest in Editorial Cartoons, Strung Together with a Narrative to Tell the Story!