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HUMOR TIMES
March, 2018
Editor’s Letter How did the formerly staunch law-and-order, pinko-hating Republicans transform so quickly into the FBI-hating, intelligence agency-suspecting, Russia-loving party that we see today? It seems to have happened overnight! Since, well... since the inauguration of their party’s president. Oh, yes, now I see. But remember, this is the same political party that just a few short years ago proudly proclaimed that their slogan was “Country First!” Now it seems to be “Party First.” Talk about “SAD!” Sure, I can understand the strong desire to get all those pet projects through, while you have a friendly in the White House: Tax cuts for the rich, while throwing a bone to the middle class (which expires in a few years, by the way, unlike the huge giveaways to the richest among us); attempts to scuttle a very popular health care law (which, by the way, was modeled after their very own health care plan, put into service by a Republican governor, Mitt Romney, when he presided over Massachusetts); the destruction of anything in the EPA remotely geared toward ameliorating climate change consequences (which, by the way, the military they claim to love so much says threatens many bases all over the world, and needs to be addressed); funding said military to the hilt, when it doesn’t really need it, at the expense of so many desperate needs here at home; and stocking the federal judiciary (which, by the way, they systematically prevented the Democratic president from doing, leaving hundreds of judgeships sitting empty for years, and unconstitutionally stalling a Supreme Court pick). Yeah, I can understand that urge. It doesn’t make it right, but, yeah, politics is a dirty business. Dirtier than ever, it seems, as integrity and the art of compromise seem to have vanished from Capital Hill. But never in the proud history of the USA have we ever had a president so set on despotism, so devoid of a basic understanding of the office he holds, so intent on turning it into an authoritarian post that, as his underlings have said, “will not be questioned.” Oh, yes, it will, and it must! To quote a Republican president, back when they were about “country first”: “To announce that there must be no criticism of the President, or that we are to stand by the President, right or wrong, is not only unpatriotic and servile, but is morally treasonable to the American public.” – Theodore Roosevelt A president, or any public office holder, for that matter, must be questioned – and opposed – when he declares, for example, that the press should not be trusted. Freedom of the press is enshrined in the Constitution for a reason: it is absolutely imperative in a democratic republic that we have a strong and vibrant free press. To ridicule and mock and encourage your followers to hate the press is a grave and reprehensible thing. A president who promises to “drain the swamp,” and then stocks his cabinet with Wall Street billionaires, and appoints department heads with a history of opposing those very same departments, must be questioned. A president who promises to build an unnecessary and harmful border wall at no expense to the citizens, and then tries to ram it through with a price tag of 25 billion dollars (just for starters), should be questioned. A president who blatantly exhibits racism so often, in so many ways, must be questioned. A president that orders a military grand parade, in direct opposition to the civilian government values we have held dear for our entire existence as a country, must be questioned. And a major political party that condones and excuses all of the above, at the expense of democracy itself, must not only be questioned, but opposed. If they squander their chance at leading this country so carelessly – all to please their campaign donors, at the expense of the country they pretend to lead – and then lose big in the next election, then, well, they deserve it. – James Israel, Editor P.S. New readers of this publication, founded in 1991, may wonder why the cartoons are skewed so heavily toward mocking Republicans. Well, if you’d seen us in the Clinton years, you’d understand that the party in power is the target of most of the lampooning. It’s the nature of the beast, and always has been. By the way, please enjoy the added color pages, a new feature as of 2018. (Previously, we only had 20% of pages in color, versus the present 80%!) Why not give a subscription to friends and family who enjoy intelligent political humor? You will be helping to support independent media, and these days, that’s very important. Thank you very much! The Humor Times® (ISSN 1937 299X), Vol. 27, Issue 311, is published monthly by the Humor Times, 7271 Lindale Dr, Sacramento, CA 95828. Periodicals Postage Paid at Sacramento, CA and additional mailing offices. POSTMASTER: Send address changes to Humor Times, P.O. Box 162429, Sacramento, CA 95816-2429. Editor: James Israel. Publisher: Jim LeDoux. Email: info@humortimes.com. Phone: 916-758-8255. Printed by: Gold Country Printing, Auburn, CA 95603. Contributors: P. Beckert, Steve Benson, Ruben Bolling, Jennifer Hollie Bowles, Chris Britt, Jon Carter, Diane de Anda, Will Durst, Michael Egan, Walt Handelsman, Phil Hands, Jim Hightower, David Horsey, Paul Lander, Chan Lowe, Mike Luckovich, Gary Markstein, Joel Pett, Dan Piraro, Marshall Ramsey, Rob Rogers, Harley Schwadron, Drew Sheneman, Scott Stantis, Dana Summers, Tom Toles, Roz Warren, Dan Wasserman and others. Contributions: Send artwork/submissions to address or email above. The Humor Times is available by subscription. It is printed on recycled paper, using 60% post-consumer fiber. All contents ©2018. No part may be reproduced without permission.
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March, 2018
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HUMOR TIMES
3
To Russia, With Love Trump says he’s nearly ready for Mueller...
and that his answers may surprise him.
A lot of creative conspiracy theories have blossomed... but no one is quite sure where they come from.
So, Republicans released a memo...
which cleared up everything.
but the FBI barely felt it. (continued)
They were right that it would be explosive...
4
HUMOR TIMES
March, 2018
Stormy Winter Still, the president knows how to cover his tracks...
Some news popped up that could not be contained...
and deliver some real show-stoppers.
but the VP saw nothing wrong.
Evangelical preachers didn’t either... Meanwhile, big changes are afoot...
and it’s all just show biz to the prez.
that could surprise a lot of people.
March, 2018
HUMOR TIMES
5
From Bipartisan to Treasonous During the State of the Union Address, President Donald Trump said many hopeful things, including that he wants to work with Democrats. Yeah, right. He wants to work with Democrats the same way a five year old with a magnifying glass wants to work with ants. The way a coyote wants to negotiate with a nest of baby ducks. Think incoming ballistic missile and South Pacific atolls. A week later, he called this very same group treasonous. And what heinous crime against the state did they commit? They neglected to stand and applaud during the boasts and exaggerations of his amazing, tremendous, fabulous speech. But nobody took the charge seriously. Why? Because his words mean nothing. It continues to amaze how people pore over his statements, looking for clues to future behavior based on what’s been previously said. It doesn’t matter. The man never tells the truth. Only what’s expedient. Pundits point out, “previously he said this,” And “let’s not forget he said that.” Go ahead — forget that. He has. Or will. After a year in office and a lifetime of his self-satisfied, publicity-seeking mug thrust in our faces, people remain oblivious that if the muse moves him, he will reverse course and adopt a totally different position. 180 degrees. In a New York minute. Often during the same interview. You can’t make a plan based on what comes out of his mouth because words don’t matter to him. He has no respect for them. They’re all made up of the same 26 letters. Letters that can be used to write other words. Words that don’t assist the cause. Hence, he will say anything. To anyone. Any time. Anywhere. Anywhy. Anywho. He’ll do it for various reasons. Whatever helps at the moment. To carve an advantage. To distract. To buy time. Energize the
base. Protect a deal. Create confusion. Stay in practice. Make himself look good. Even if he said he was lying, he’d be lying. Pity the poor people who work for him, trying to say positive things, handicapped in supporting his goals and beliefs, because they have absolutely no idea what those could be. Except that he’s pro-Donald. He was against the war in Iraq. That wasn’t him on the Access Hollywood tape. The President of the Boy Scouts called him. Remember how he was going to release his tax returns? He never planned to release his tax returns. Saying he would, was simply a stall. Soon other scandals erupted and the press began asking other questions and tax returns fell by the wayside. And so on and so on. So when the President says he not only plans to testify under oath in the Robert Mueller investigation but that he’s looking forward to it, don’t believe him. That’s what he thinks people want him to say. Now. It is neither a confirmation that he will testify or a warning he’ll do everything in his power to keep from doing testifying. Could be either/or. It could mean nothing. Probably the latter. Maybe he’ll change his mind. Maybe he won’t. There is no way to tell. The man has the integrity of a drunken weasel in a chicken coop. He would rather lie than eat ice cream. And he likes ice cream.
Reign of Error It’s been quite a year. The exact reverse of that whole “time flies when you’re having fun” thing. These last twelve months have slogged by like cold molasses riddled with bat guano dripping through a tightly woven bamboo sieve. Seems like decades since Donald Trump became the 45th President of the United
WILL DURST
States. Shouldn’t he be termed out by now? After a mere 12 months, his problems have stacked up like a bouquet of bombs from the Acme Co. being wafted aloft by helium balloons approaching an archery range for easily distracted pre-teens. Anybody who watched the televised White House bipartisan meeting can tell you the former reality TV star exhibits a mastery of his office on the level of a duck-billed platypus playing a harpsichord. His administration has been marked by division, derision, indecision and a distinct lack of supervision. Confusion, seclusion, delusion & collusion. Lazy, hazy, crazy: cheesy, sleazy, wheezy, breezy and enough turmoil to make the entire world both uneasy and/or a little queasy. During the first 365 days of Dopey Donald’s Reign of Error, we have survived an unending stream of blatant lies, graphic insults, myopic intransigence, illiterate cluelessness, overt racism, monumental chaos, nuclear intimidation and a general coarsening of the culture to where the evangelical community is forced to reconcile a porn star payoff with its own staggering sense of self righteousness. Futilely. In the recent book, Fire and Fury, author Michael Wolff intimated that 100% of White House insiders believe their boss is a couple of sandwiches short of a picnic, if you catch his drift. The wheel is spinning but the hamster is dead. Snuck into the gene pool while the lifeguard was chatting up the girl who runs the hot dog stand. Has the same mental capacity that God gave a bucket of hair. Then, as if to stamp the book with his own fuzzy seal of approval, the former New York City real estate developer demonstrated that no matter how many al lies he an tag o nizes, fam ily mem bers he in sults, staffers he impugns, fellow Republicans he alienates, or conventions he flaunts, his own w o r st e n e m y r e m a i n s… himself. Attempting to stem backlash from Wolff’s book, the president tweeted, (and these are quotes) that he is “like, really smart.” And a “stable genius.” A statement that most experts interpret as meaning he’s really good with horse manure. Which probably comes in handy when interacting with Sloppy Steve Bannon. Trump also twisted himself into a rhetorical battle with Kim Jong Un over whose nuclear button is bigger. When we all know it has to be Ivanka’s dad, who needs the larger expanse to accommodate his diminutive hands. These two should be locked into a cell on an abandoned freighter in the South Pacific so that they can measure and get it over with. Then the brief government shut down precipitated an eruption of the Blame Game that wit nessed both Re pub li cans and Democrats flinging mud at each other with so much excess hitting the president, many refer ees ques tioned the actual target. Sen ate Ma jor ity leader Mitch McConnell said “I’m looking for something the president supports” making it sound like a mythical beast. Less unicorn, more dodo bird. And all this has gone down in the first three weeks of 2018. Fasten your seat belts folks, it’s going to be a bumpy year. Will Durst is an award-winning, nationally acclaimed, often-tour ing po lit i cal comic. Catch his weekly “Durst Case Scenario: Midterm Madness” at SF Marsh, 1036 Valencia St. themarsh.org. See willdurst .com for calendar listings. “I have always considered it as treason against the great republic of human nature, to make any man’s virtues the means of deceiving him.” – Samuel Johnson
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HUMOR TIMES
March, 2018
Minority Party Democrats reacted to the good news...
by fantasizing about their own celebrity prez.
They looked forward to bipartisan cooperation... which, of course, always works out well for them...
just like in a fairy tale.
Meanwhile, some embarrassing news leaked about Hillary...
and Dems were not impressed with Trump’s SOTU speech...
March, 2018
HUMOR TIMES
nor with his handling of the economy.
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Majority Party Republicans got some good news...
and some bad news.
The president tries to bring out the best in them...
in any way he can.
Everything would be going their way...
if not for the stupid Dems.
and are nearing completion on a long-term project.
But they are getting stuff done...
8
HUMOR TIMES
March, 2018
When in Doubt, Throw a Parade! The king president wants a parade...
and ordered “his” generals to plan it.
He’s got some big ideas for floats...
and is using his “executive time” to plan more.
He is insisting on having big tanks...
Trump’s staunchest supporters just can’t wait.
and all his friends will be there. Who knows what it could lead to?
March, 2018
HUMOR TIMES
9
Cartertoons • www.cartertoons.com
•
by Jon Carter
Cartertoons • www.cartertoons.com
•
by Jon Carter
“We Report, You Decry!” Tom Brady Fires Super Bowl Hair and Makeup Team MINNEAPOLIS, MN – After an unexpected loss in Super Bowl LII, New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady fired his massive hair and makeup team before he left Minneapolis. B r a d y’s h a i r and makeup team ar rived in town hours after the Patriots won the AFC championship. “We need to start do ing prep work as soon as possible,” explained Brady’s head stylist Tyrus Fame. “It is important to get a feel for the area’s atmospheric conditions, relative humidity, and altitude concerns. Plus, we need to make ar range ments for Mr. Brady’s bronzer to be flown in daily from Belgium.” Hotel rates in Minneapolis were significantly higher than rates for past Super Bowl cities, and many believe that the hike has to do with the hundreds of rooms that were reserved for Brady’s various stylists. “We have three entire floors reserved for members of Brady’s makeup crew,” said Hilton manager Carlos Elstun. “We were also told to raise the water pressure in his room to maximum levels for the pre-game scalp invigoration.” Despite all the pre-game effort, Brady decided to fire his team after the devastating loss saying he needed to re-evaluate hair and make-up personnel for 2019. Brady’s wife, Giselle Bundchen, stated, “My husband throws the ball and the hair team is supposed to do his hair. Is he supposed to do his own hair too? They did a bad job this year and that’s why he lost the game.” Many guests in the hotels feel inconvenienced by the enormous teams of styling personnel that have been brought in to ser vice the stars, in clud ing Justin Timberlake. “I got this expensive room at this expensive hotel, and I feel totally shut out,” said Eagles fan Frank Tufano. “Every where I turn I am run ning into head-shaven entourage members and scalp-moisturizing activity. And I hear it’s even worse at Timberlake’s hotel.” Reported by DerfMagazine.com
SpaceX and Tesla thing,” said NASA Mo tors founder Elon s poke s ma n Dave M u s k s h o cke d the B la c kman , “t hey world recently, not only seemed to know what w i t h a s p e c t a c u la r they were doing. Cerrocket launch, but later tainly, more than we with the news that the do, these days.” “Starman” sitting in his Lo gis tics were a Tesla Roadster in space problem, Musk admitright now is actually ted, since the president Donald Trump. added significantly to The White House Elon Musk says that “Starman” is actually Trump. the payload weight. fervently denied it, until they realized no one “I’ll tell you this, he’s no 239 pounds, that’s had seen the president since the launch. for sure. But I’m going to respect his privacy “I just thought it would be a nice gesture,” and not give away his real weight,” stated Mr said Musk, “so I offered him a ‘free space ride,’ Musk. as a joke. I didn’t think he’d take me up on it. “I don’t know why everyone is fretting so “I thought about telling him it would mean much about this. He always insisted on being in certain death, but then I thought, well, we could the driver’s seat, no matter what he did,” Musk do humanity two favors at once: open a new era said. “Now, he’s there forever. Pretty fitting, I’d of space travel, and get rid of its most vexing say!” problem.” “He always promoted himself as a star here NASA scientists say it’s possible, since on Earth. May he rest in peace now, among the SpaceX had full control of placing the payload real stars.” on the rocket. “We didn’t inspect it or anyReported by James Israel
Hallmark Channel Secrets Revealed Going undercover as a gofer recently, this reporter was able to get the inside scoop on programming for the Hallmark Channel. W h i l e clean ing the writers’ workroom, I came across a document titled Writers’ Guidelines for Hallmark Channel Scripts. Below are examples of the content required for Hallmark made for TV film scripts. 1. The main character must be a woman in her late twenties to late thirties. She must be single or divorced with a young child who is secretly looking for a husband for his or her mom. 2. All the main characters must be white, although the main female character can have a female friend who is black. 3. Only in rare cases can the main female character be a professional. She can be a college graduate, but this must only be casually mentioned and not relate to her occupation, which
Libra: This may seem like an ideal time of year for balance and peace. Un for tu nately, that’s not going to happen in the world – so focus on that Spring cleaning!
Taurus: You beautiful bright ray of sunshine on Spring flowers! Just kidding. You’re just good at ripping them from their roots to put into a shiny vase.
Scorpio: This month, Uranus, yo u ’ r e r u l i n g p l a n e t , a nnounces to you – traumatic change must be experienced, no matter what the cost. Just like health insurance and pharmaceutical companies.
Leo: Romance and passion is rushing through everyone this time of year: just remember, some of them have STD’s. Virgo: When you step outside to enjoy the growing green all around you, so ber your self and remember that in many ancient cultures, virgins were sacrificed for the Spring Equinox.
12
should be one of the following: wedding planner (greatly desired), nanny, baker, chef, or owner of a small restaurant. 4. All Hallmark Channel stories must end in a marriage proposal, a happily ever after kiss or a wedding. 5. The potential lovers must meet under unexpected circumstances and initially find each other irritating. Later, they magically discover their underlying love. 6. Alternately, they could have been high school or college sweethearts that went separate ways or he can save her as a damsel in distress. 7. The female can have a boyfriend she has been with for years, but in the last quarter of the movie, she suddenly realizes he is cold and heartless, and drops him for the good-hearted local guy she’s known for two weeks or less. 8. She decides she must permanently leave her big city life for true happiness in small town America. 9. Special note to casting: The male lead should meet a “Prince Charming” image desired by our female demographic. Make sure the female leads are just average looking, so our base can identify with them and feel that they can live a Hallmark card happily-ever-after life too. Reported by Diane de Anda
“Poor Sven,” writes Sylvia R, a good friend of his, on her Facebook timeline. “He always seemed so happy, claiming that he did not need social networking sites to communicate with his friends. Well, we all knew that couldn’t be true. How would that work?” Many of Syl vi a’s 489 Facebook friends agreed immediately, using emojis to express their feelings, or by clicking on “Sad.” Friends said there seemed to be no good reason he was not a member of any of the multiple social networking sites available. His looks are photogenic enough to take attractive selfies, using the Clarendon filter, one friend said. He also owns both a smartphone and an internet-enabled computer. Sven B is being kept in a secure unit and receiving strong medication. The doctor in charge of his case reported that, “If the patient had been over 40, we would not have admitted him immediately but rather placed him under observation. But with a millennial who is not a member of Instagram, or at least Twitter or Whatsapp, it is immediately clear that he suffers from a severe disorder, or is ‘totally cray-cray’ as the kids say.” According to the authorities, Sven B will only be allowed to leave on condition that he accepts that his behavior was abnormal. That entails registering with various social media sites, as well as learning how to use hashtags, update his Facebook status regularly, and send pushy friend requests to people he does not even know. He’d also be required to post at least one helfie, suglie, welfie or belfie every day. Reported by The-Postillon.com
Making fun of the headlines today, so you don’t have to
‘Celebrity Big Brother’ cast revealed — Meet the famous house guests …and, the peo ple cov er ing their shifts at Applebee’s. Eagles 41 Patriots 33 Denying Pat’s owner, Robert Kraft, from giving Putin another one of his Super Bowl rings. Dow closes down 666 …in honor of Ste ve Bannon.
Cap ri corn: Spring calls for new growth and beginnings, but when you’re dead wrong about your past – it’s more like putting funeral flowers on Goat horns.
Nashville Mayor, Megan Barry, admits affair with ex-security detail chief So, she’s gone from not just being the Mayor of Nashville to also be ing a po ten tial Carrie Underwood hit song…
Pisces: Happy Birthday Weird Fish People! There are farms for people like you too.
COLOGNE, GERMANY – He will probably not ‘like’ this: today, 22 year-old Sven B was sectioned and admitted to a secure psychiatric ward, since he does not have any accounts with any social networking sites, such as Instagram, Snapchat or even Facebook. This comes after Sven B’s friends alerted the health authorities, saying they were extremely worried about this young man’s antisocial behavior.
By Paul Lander. All you need to do is follow one simple rule: barely pay attention and jump to conclusions. So, here are some headlines today and my first thoughts:
Sagittarius: It’s mighty windy in March, which you should take as a sign from the Universe to shoot straight or live a misdirected life of destroying the wrong “enemy” – like targeting people born in other countries.
Aquar ius: Walk ing around with that full water pitcher can be a heavy burden, and when you pour it out, it simply gets polluted by all the toxins produced by multinational corporations.
Man Admitted to Psychiatric Ward Due to Lack of Social Media Accounts
Ripping the Headlines Today
By Jennifer Hollie Bowles
Aries: This Spring you may feel like Marilyn Monroe posing in a white dress with air blowing-up her arse – or like John F. Ken nedy ca su ally cheating on his wife.
Cancer: Make a box, and then put a divider in the box: put democrats on one side, and republicans in the other side. Same box, same shell. Don’t believe the news, and get your head out of that shell this Spring!
Aspiring to the High Standards Set by Cable News
Elon Musk Reveals: Donald Trump is ‘Starman,’ Now Floating in Space
Horoscopes for Jerks: March 2018
Gem ini: This month, you’ll breathe in the wondrous fragrance of the world blooming around you – and the allergycausing pollen that comes with it. You have something in common with Spring after all!
Headline News Section
‘Seeing someone cry at work is becoming normal’: Whole Foods employees say It used to be just the customers when the cash register total came up.
Happy 24th Birthday, Harry Styles I’ll be rooting for ya on ‘Dancing with the Stars’ in 2038. On the front of the ticket to Donald J. Trump’s first State of the Union address, the word “union” is spelled as “uniom” Somebody check, that may be the Russian spelling…
HUMOR TIMES
Robert Wagner a ‘person of interest’ in Natalie Wood’s death Crap, I don’t know what’s worse, Wagner being named a ‘person of interest,’ or I’m old enough to know who the hell they are. Director of the CIA expects Russia will try to meddle in the 2018-midterm elections Or, ‘… it could also be China. It could also be lots of other peo ple. It also could be somebody sitting on their bed that weighs 400 pounds.’ Tomi Lahren apologizes for calling Joe Kennedy III a ‘Little Limp D–‘ Although, in fairness, her voice has been known to cause that. New reports shows due to climate change polar bears are going extinct quicker than originally thought Looking for Trump to find a way to blame it on brown and black bears. Home Depot Co-Founder taunts Democrats, saying ‘use your stupid brains’ on tax reform’ Dems: …and Lowe’s for your home improvement needs. U.S Economy adds 200,000 jobs Actually, 200,001 – for as long as Omarosa lasts in the ‘Celebrity Big Brother House.’
Read more columns by Paul Lander at humortimes.com.
March, 2018
Destroy It to Save It Things were getting really bad...
but now they’re worse.
Eventually, the two sides figured it out...
but what does that even mean anymore?
and now it’s all back to normal...
Economic problems can all be blamed on the rabble...
and, of course, inflation.
March, 2018
But tax cuts have only made the beast hungrier.
HUMOR TIMES
13
Applause-O-Meter-in-Chief The State of the Union is often used to highlight heroes...
There was some disagreement this time, however...
and to tout accomplishments.
and many see things very differently.
John Q. Public might’ve had a strong rebuttal...
but Trump insists he only seeks unity.
He was angry that Dems didn’t applaud... saying strong leaders deserve it.
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HUMOR TIMES
March, 2018
White House Resident Trump wanted to set the record straight...
and everyone could see that he did.
and passed the toughest IQ test ever.
He worked to improve media relations...
He wasted no time getting back to business...
but had to endure a government shutdown.
He said he’s done more than any president...
March, 2018
and in some ways, it could be true.
HUMOR TIMES
15
The Hightower Lowdown
Sports Roundup Super Bowl ads were controversial...
as is the game itself.
And amongst even more controversy...
Exposing Our ‘Populist’ President as a Naked Plutocrat Why does Donald Trump constantly preface his outlandish lies with such phrases as: “To be honest with you,” “To tell the truth” and “Believe me”? Because even he knows that as a lifelong con-man, his voice takes on the tone of a snake-oil salesman when he starts exaggerating and prevaricating, so he reflexively tries to puff up his credibility with an extra dose of bluster: “No really, trust me, I never lie…” In fact, just in the past year, Trump’s documented whoppers rank him as the lyingest president in U.S. history. And that included Nixon! It’s not the volume of his fabrications that is so gross, but their enormity. Most damnable of a ll ha s be e n his ma s qu er a d ing as a golden-haired bil lion aire “pop u list” who’s standing up for America’s hard-hit middle class against Wall Street, corporate lobbyists and moneyed elites — a carefully crafted PR pose that has duped many working stiffs into thinking he is their champion. Even before he was sworn in last year, President Trump stripped off the populist garments he wore during his campaign and publicly bared his na ked plu to cratic es sence by nam ing bankster Gary Cohn to be his top economic advisor. Wait… did n’t can didate Trump promise working-class voters that he’d be Wall Street’s worst nightmare, cracking down hard on greedy financial thieves whose scams and schemes are wrecking the middle class? Yes, but that was then. Now, President Trump has become Wall Street’s wet dream. Cohn is one of five top economic officials our fake populist president brought into his government from just one of Wall Street’s most abusive banks, Goldman Sachs. How many officials did he add to bring such legitimate voices as consumers, workers, and poor people to his policy making table? Zero. So, since if we don’t have a seat at the table, we’re on the menu! Sure enough, Trump and his crew of voracious plutocrat corporate heads are gorging themselves on new rules that further enrich America’s already-rich elites at our expense. For example, they’re reducing penalties for Wall Street fraud and gouging; eliminating the requirement that firms advising us on where to invest our savings have to act in our best interests, rather than their own; loosening the few protections we have against predatory lenders; raising the number of temporary, low-wage foreign workers that corporations can bring in to
JIM HIGHTOWER take our jobs; scrapping a rule requiring corporate gi ants to re port their un equal pay to women; opening up Social Security to cuts and privatization; limiting fines on nursing home negligence that harm or even kill residents; eliminating funds for low-income heating and programs to protect kids from lead paint; repealing fracking rules that protect water and air quality; allowing for-profit, private colleges to gouge students; ending funding that provides legal services for poor people; and raising entrance fees at our national parks. These are just a few of Trump & Company’s ongoing rush-rush and hush-hush assaults on our rights, protections and basic needs — all orchestrated to free a tiny minority of moneyed powers to run roughshod over the great majority of Americans. That’s why a new, straight-talking pamphlet by the watchdog group Public Citizen is so important. It starts with Trump’s declaration last year that, “The forgotten men and women of our country will be forgotten no longer.” Then it shows that he immediately abandoned any pretense of populist principles, proceeding from day one to further enrich and empower the same multinational corporations and mega-rich elites he had denounced as a candidate. While there have been multiple news reports throughout the past year about this action or that by Trump Incorporated, Public Citizen’s brief connects the dots, documenting with concise, easy-to-grasp specifics how Trump the faux populist has systematically sold out the working families whose votes he cynically swiped, handing our government to a kakistocracy of corporate plutocrat CEOs. It’s not merely that he’s an irre deemable liar, but that Trump himself is a lie. The Public Citizen expose, titled “Forgetting the Forgotten: 101 Ways Donald Trump Has Betrayed His Populist Agenda,” drives the stake of truth through the heart of his populist lie. It should not just be read, but used like a Thomas Paine pamphlet to spread the truth. To download a free copy, go to CorporatePresidency.org/forgotten.
the Olympics played out.
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HUMOR TIMES
March, 2018
Sh*thole Countries Need Not Apply Trump said he’d welcome any hard-working folks...
from nice, white countries.
His language would shock polite company...
but supporters say he was misunderstood.
It’s pretty clear, though...
when you look at the results.
Meanwhile, the dream lives on... for everyone.
March, 2018
HUMOR TIMES
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Miscellaneous Mischief
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HUMOR TIMES
March, 2018
March, 2018
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