Humor Times, Sept. 2018

“Do not let selfish men or greedy interests skin your country of its beauty, its riches or its romance.” – Theodore Roosevelt September, 2018

Issue #317

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September, 2018

Editor’s Letter The Humor Times is proud to join hundreds of newspapers and news outlets, large and small, all over the country, in defending America’s free press this month. It’s part of an effort launched by the Boston Globe.

As the New York Times said in its editorial, “Criticizing the news media – for underplaying or overplaying stories, for getting something wrong – is entirely right. News reporters and editors are human, and make mistakes. Correcting them is core to our job. But insisting that truths you don’t like are ‘fake news’ is dangerous to the lifeblood of democracy. And calling journalists the ‘enemy of the people’ is dangerous, period.”

It’s actually rather sad that we need to defend this constitutionally protected institution, but unfortunately, the man with the biggest megaphone in the world, the president of the United States, is on a never-ending campaign to vilify the press. And even more unfortunately, there seems to be about 30% of the population that is buying this attack. And because of the importance of the free press to a free society, these tirades are also an attack on democracy itself.

For all his bluster and bravado, Mr Trump has proven himself to be extremely thin-skinned, unable to take any criticism whatsoever. As far as we know, he has never admitted fault for anything, or that he might have ever even learned from his mistakes. He rarely seems to take advice from anyone who is an expert in their field, because, as he says, he has a “very good brain,” and is “like, really smart” and, of course, “a very stable genius.”

At different times, he has said, “My primary consultant is myself… Nobody knows banking better than I do… Nobody knows more about debt. I’m like the king… I understand money better than anybody… I think nobody knows the system [of government] better than I do…

Nobody knows more about trade than me… I know more about ISIS than the generals do. Believe me.” And he has proclaimed himself the foremost expert in the world on any number of other subjects.

For a man with a third-grade vocabulary who daily demonstrates his rank ignorance on almost every subject other than being a TV “reality” star, that’s a lot of boasting. It’s an extremely unbecoming trait, and in the leader of a country as powerful as the United States, it’s downright dangerous. Not to mention, as he so often tweets, it’s just SAD! His ego knows no bounds, and so he figures he can take down the entire free press and proclaim it’s fake, and that’s that.

But as in so many areas, he is dead wrong.

The American free press has a long and proud history, and will not be destroyed by a big baby like the Donald. His cult-like followers – who believe every word their Dear Leader says without question – may be fooled, but the vast majority in this country know better.

Mr Trump, your whiney, petulant attacks on the media are backfiring, “bigly.” Nobody is Long-shot liberal “tired of winning” under your so-called “leadercongressional candidate ship,” but the majority of us are sick of the b.s.

Lucifer Sims launches a It will all come back on you and your spineless party in Congress who refuse to do their Constiquixotic campaign in this tutional duty and be a check on the presidency, hilarious anthology of the come this November.

Lucifer for Congress: Anthology #1 Available at Lulu.com

newspaper comic strip.

– James Israel, Editor

The Humor Times® (ISSN 1937 299X), Vol. 27, Issue 317, is published monthly by the Humor Times, 7271 Lindale Dr, Sacramento, CA 95828. Periodicals Postage Paid at Sacramento, CA and additional mailing offices. POSTMASTER: Send address changes to Humor Times, P.O. Box 162429, Sacramento, CA 95816-2429.

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Contributors: Rod Bartchy, Steve Benson, Ruben Bolling, Jennifer Hollie Bowles, Chris Britt, Jeff Cahlon, Jon Carter, Diane de Anda, Larry Dell, Will Durst, Michael Egan, Walt Handelsman, Phil Hands, Joe Heller, Jim Hightower, David Horsey, Paul Lander, Chan Lowe, Mike Luckovich, Matt Nagin, Joel Pett, Dan Piraro, Marshall Ramsey, Rob Rogers, Harley Schwadron, Drew Sheneman, Scott Stantis, Dana Summers, Tom Toles, Roz Warren, Dan Wasserman & others.

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September, 2018

Don’t Let Your Friends Go Without…Give the HUMOR TIMES!

HUMOR TIMES

3

White House Resident The president seems to have a speaking problem...

continuously getting it wrong.

but he’s sure he’s right.

It has plagued him from the beginning...

He just can’t seem to help himself...

but there are people willing to lend a hand.

Trump feels that he doesn’t get enough credit... even though he has “a very good brain.” (continued)

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HUMOR TIMES

September, 2018

Trump wants a “classier” look to Air Force One...

and is sure he’s the key to victory in November for the GOP.

His staff continues to try to rein in his tweet storms…

Omarosa Manigault Newman’s book came out...

including those about his ex-lawyer Michael Cohen.

and it’s a real page-turner, but an acquired taste.

Trump said she’s just a lowlife... but that he knows how to deal with her.

September, 2018

HUMOR TIMES

5

Swamp Thing During the 2016 presidential election Donald Trump famously proclaimed he would drain the swamp in Washington, but looking at the cast of characters he’s surrounded himself with, it seems more like he invited all his carnivorous reptilian buddies to come drain their bladders in the swamp and now it’s not only bigger but warmer as well.

Mr. Art of the Deal’s career is littered with pyramid schemes, reneging on contracts, unpaid loans, phony foundations, phantom donations, broken promises, deceit, mendacity, moral turpitude and bad hair. He is a parody of avarice spreading a culture of corruption so large it can probably be seen from the Hubble Telescope.

Trump is the King of Corruption. The Maharajah of Malfeasance. Good God of Graft. Captain Crooked. The Pharaoh of Fraud. The Overlord of Venality. The creator and originator of Orange Collar Crime. Wouldn’t be surprised if he hadn’t trademarked that. His insatiable greed and con-man ways give rich people a bad name. Okay, a badder name. Boss Tweed had nothing on this Boss Tweet.

You almost can’t blame his cronies. Once they ooze into the president’s orbit and see everyone else making money hand over fist, they figure they’d better get while the getting’s good. There’s only so much ripe low-hanging fruit. Not to mention lettuce.

Forbes Magazine suggests Commerce Secretary Wilbur Ross might have stolen upwards of $120 million and wrote that he could be “one of the biggest grifters in American history.” They also said he was a skinflint who’d pocket packets of Sweet’n Low in restaurants so he didn’t have to buy them. The kind of guy you see and discreetly lock up the silverware.

One of his “best people,” former EPA Director Scott Pruitt was forced to resign after a series of scandals that pegged him as more crooked than a dumpster full of bent wire hangers.

Like Health & Human Services Secretary Tom Price who also resigned under a cloud, Ryan Zinke, Secretary of Interior, loves to travel first class on the taxpayers’ dime and has left a trail of dodgy banking schemes in his wake. These guys are fast turning the swamp into a Jurassic Cesspool.

The first Congressman to endorse Trump, Christopher Collins (R-NY) was indicted for insider trading. Michael Cohen, the president’s fixer, is presently fixing to fix his fixee. Another early supporter, Duncan Hunter, is under FBI criminal investigation for using campaign funds for personal purposes. These guys are seriously threatening Nixon’s record for most Cabinet members perp-walked up a courthouse steps with a raincoat draped over their handcuffs. In one-third the

time.

WILL DURST New York’s Attorney General is suing Trump and his three kids alleging the president used his foun dation to benefit himself financially and politically. They also want him banned from running any charity in the state for 10 years for being reckless, unethical and just plain despicable.

During court testimony, former administration official Rick Gates admitted not only to committing crimes at the behest of Trump’s campaign manager, Paul Manafort, but also stealing from him.

Manafort allegedly stashed his stolen money in hidden offshore accounts. And both are reported to have stolen from Trump who steals from everyone. This administration is the Russian nesting dolls of crime. And there you go, another connection to Russia. Coincidence? You be the judge.

How to Survive Your Summer Vacation We look forward to it for months. Calendars have been cleared, reservations made, and the anticipation in the house is so high, it vibrates like a chicken on meth strapped to a thirty-year-old dryer set on spin. The Summer Vacation Trip is nigh. It’s a time-honored testament to all that is right about America. And often, not less than a little of what is wrong.

A brief respite from, and reward for, working hard. A time to reconnect and bond with the family unit, creating indelible memories along with building up patience and pain tolerance levels.

Beaches. Theme Parks. Barbecues. Water Slides. Campfires. Unseen vistas. Unfamiliar beds. Unusual insects. Fresh scars.

If your plans entail traveling without using an airport you should consider yourself luckier than Paul Manafort biting into a Get Out of Jail Free Card in his bologna sandwich. More comfort can be found on an Athens to Sparta diesel bus in the poultry section than on any domestic flight this summer.

They suck us in with those heavily advertised “Special Getaway Fares.” What they neglect to mention is the requirement to leave after six pm on a Tuesday with two stops and oh yeah, fifty bucks to check a bag, another fifty for window or aisle, ten dollars for every extra inch of legroom and five per bathroom visit.

And driving isn’t much better.

Would rather stick a hand full of paper cuts into a vat of Tabasco sauce than hit the road between Memorial Day and Labor Day. Whoever said “getting there is half the fun” never tried finding a parking spot in a National Park or got stuck going up a mountain on a two-lane highway behind a rented RV. However you plan to embark on your journey, here’s a few hints as how to minimize the pressure of interacting with families and friends non-stop, 24/7, for days at a time in exotic locales desperately seeking that elusive mythological goal — fun.

How to Survive Your Summer Vacation: • In order to cram all your activities in, try eating only once a day.

That whole “low blood sugar” thing is just an old wives’ tale.

• Play a game of “Marco Polo” to steer the kids past the gift shops.

• 100 push-ups for every time somebody whines, “I’m bored.”

• Mix things up, have a squirt gun fight in a museum. Or do crossword puzzles at the ballgame.

• Devices keep them occupied at home, why not on the road?

• Take photographs of everything: meals, road signs, and anything that could possibly later be referred to as Plaintiff’s Exhibit A. • Planning ahead is for sissies. Just go for it.

• If nobody gets in the spirit of the “Happiest Place on Earth,” force them to sing “It’s a Small World” over and over.

• Rush, rush, rush everywhere.

You don’t want to miss a thing.

• Rest is highly overrated. Tell the kids, “we’ll sleep when we die.”

• Traveling with a professional therapist can help put the fun back in dysfunctional family • Stay calm. Map out an itinerary that includes local craft gin distilleries.

• Make sure to schedule at least 1 day for every 2 days gone back at home doing nothing, to recover from your trip.

• Next year, seriously reconsider your spouse’s suggestion of separate vacations.

Will Durst is an award-winning, nationally acclaimed, often-touring po lit i cal comic. Catch his weekly “Durst Case Sce nario: Midterm Madness” at SF Marsh, 1036 Valencia St. themarsh.org.

See willdurst .com for calendar listings.

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HUMOR TIMES

September, 2018

Deadly Printer

Shut Out

Some ideas are just obviously bad...

Alex Jones found himself shut out...

but have their appeal to certain types.

and couldn’t find a friend...

but it was bound to happen...

3-D gun printing is a dangerous process...

and at least one person is still on his side. but just a small part of the problem.

September, 2018

HUMOR TIMES

7

To Russia, With Love It became all too obvious in Helsinki...

and suddenly the world saw the rumors were true.

Trump made his loyalties quite clear... to an absurd degree...

leaving no doubt.

The prez said he wouldn’t stand for any fake news...

and that he meant what he said... and Republicans in Congress believe him. (continued)

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HUMOR TIMES

September, 2018

Now Trump has invited the ex-KGB dictator over for a tell-all...

yet he has nothing to say to Mueller.

It became clear how a lot of money was funneled... from Russia to the president’s campaign.

So he hired “the best people” to represent him... and prepared a list of admissible questions.

Trump was confident in his plan... and that he would be vindicated come November.

September, 2018

HUMOR TIMES

9

Cartertoons • www.cartertoons.com

•

by Jon Carter

Cartertoons • www.cartertoons.com

•

by Jon Carter

‘We Report, You Decry!’

Children Beg to be Returned to Cages Turns out, Laura Ingraham was right: the cages were like summer camp for these immigrant kids.

MCALLEN, TX — Just weeks after President Trump sought to dispel public outrage by signing an executive order ending the practice of separating children from parents illegally crossing into the U.S., there has been a second, altogether unexpected, backlash from the kids themselves, who apparently did feel, as Republican commentator Laura Ingraham claimed, that living in cages was like summer camp.

Abe Moskowitz, a lawyer for six-year-old Emanuel Honduro Gonzalez, said that once his client was reunited with his parents “he went into a full blown panic.” Emanuel was apparently having the time of his life in the cage. “He had friends, an array of toys, plus state-of-the-art air-conditioning,” Moskowitz said. He went on to point out that Emanuel’s situation certainly beat “trekking across the infernal 140 degree Arizona desert with only cactus needles as sustenance.”

Emanuel’s reaction is in no way unique.

Indeed, CNN has reported hundreds of cases of kids “kicking and screaming” and “throwing toys at I.C.E. members” once confronted with the crushing reality that they would be reunited with their parents.

Psychologist Amanda Beasley, a professor at Yale University, explained it this way: “A child under the guidance of his parents is actually a thousand times more imprisoned than a child in a cage.”

Complicating matters further, many parents are reacting in unexpected ways to seeing their children again. Lupe Constanza, for example, is despondent and now takes a heavy-dose of Ativan since the return of her nine daughters and two sons. “I thought Trump was like Hitler for keeping us apart,” she said. “But now I think the real crime against humanity is reuniting our family.

Some kids belong in cages.”

Reported by Matt Nagin.

Taurus: Yeah, we know: you’re not going to do anything except watch football and eat heart-attach inducing foods for the next five months.

Gemini: You’re fitting right in – half Summer; half Fall. Half moron; half genius. Half media; half conspiracy.

Cancer: Hide those claws scaredy crab, then make a good show with them after you’re stuck in a dirty bucket held by an old fat guy, like members of the house of “representatives.”

Leo: The change in seasons represents a great time to calm down and rest assured that Trump’s new mil i tary space force will keep aliens from abducting you.

Virgo: Happy Birth day to you! You analyze too much, and the details turn you blue!

Eat cake and expand your milieu!

12

Aspiring to the High Standards Set by Cable News

You’re Fired! Trump Blames Trees for California Wildfires Trump: “Unpatriotic trees would kneel if they could, instead starting California wildfires.”

The recent POTUS tweet on fires out west has confirmed what many have suspected: The California wildfires are caused by trees.

An investigation has confirmed that there is a plot amongst these arboreal agitators to migrate towards nascent fires, hurl themselves into the blaze, and expand the conflagrations. Their ultimate objective remains unclear.

Some in the POTUS inner circle suspect it is a plot by the Mueller team to distract the President from his primary job of flooding social media with cretinous tweets.

POTUS has provided us with further insight into the situation in California, decrying the waste of water which treasonously flows to the sea, instead of rising up to douse the blazes.

Known by environmentalists as ‘rivers,’ these flows have apparently been a fixture of the state for many years. Lobbying by supporters of these rivers, and their cohorts, streams, creeks and rivulets, has resulted in a wild west of wa-

terfalls, estuaries and rapids that are indifferent to tariffs, White House invitations, or tax cuts.

Administration experts skilled in watering down gun control and emissions legislation are now diving in to solve Cal ifornia’s water crisis. Preliminary plans include a vast network of pipe lines and sprinkler systems extending well into national forests, pri vate coun try clubs, and large estates.

This would all be financed by a tax on trees, which would be required to obtain ID cards and file tax returns. But the leafy leviathans are unlikely to take this lying down.

They’ve been here a long time. They’ve outlasted volcanoes, glaciers, and asteroid strikes.

Besides, if they get ID cards and file tax returns, they can vote. They probably have their own ideas of what Making America Great again means.

And it might not include people.

Reported by Rod Bartchy.

Catch Me If You Can: Trump’s Plan to Avoid Being Indicted For everyone wondering what was behind Trump’s recent, over-the-top, crazy enthusiastic promotion of the Air Force’s F-35 Stealth Fighter, we now have the answer.

As you may recall, at numerous venues the president talked on and on about the “invisible” plane and how it would be great in a fight like you see in the movies. So why is the president so fixated on this particular plane? Undercover sources may have the answer.

As the evidence mounts in the probe of Trump collusion, he may find himself under indictment or worse. Which begs the question: How will he escape such an inglorious fate? The answer, according to some, is the F-35.

Horoscopes for Jerks: September, 2018 Aries: Fall is the best time ever for you to hide your horns, stay away from the natural world, and distrust all humans: it’s hunting season.

Headline News Section

Trump is planning to hide in plain sight by traveling the country and the world in the invisible plane. “It’s invisible you can’t see it, so it’s like I’m not there,” Trump recently told close associates. “Guiliani said I can’t be indicted if no one can find me.”

The clever escape plan, code-named “Flying Houdini,” is already in motion. That’s where the president’s old pal Chris Christie comes in.

A re cent Star Led ger head line asked, “Where’s Christie?” But Christie hasn’t gone anywhere – he’s just hiding in an F-35. According to one White House source, “Chris is the guinea pig. If the plane can hide him, it can certainly hide the president.” Initially cool to the idea, Christie changed his mind when informed that the plane would be customized to include a doughnut shop and a beach chair.

To date, Trump has ordered the military to develop dozens of larger F-35s outfitted with putting greens, golf machines and McDonalds.

The president has also tasked the Pentagon to develop a plan to make Mar-a-Lago invisible.

Rumors that he’s looking for a way to make Melania disappear were vehemently denied.

Reported by Larry Dell.

Scorpio: Unlike a scorpion, you’ve probably been homogenized by hashtag-lattetbh-meme McCreality, and now you’re about as mysterious as a sloth dressed-up like an Egyptian.

Sagittarius: They’re coming to take you away, aha!...From the facility, not because you’re better, but be cause your in sur ance ran-out.

Capricorn: Your sign is like the antithesis of the millennial mindset. It is your cosmic duty to fight a losing cultural battle for at least the next twenty years.

Aquarius: Greetings Water Pitcher people! Make a difference and drown your shallow acquaintance list!

Pisces: All the colorful natural decay of Fall may intoxicate you with its beauty and symbolism…just try to keep your dead leaf collection to a minimum this year.

“It’s a disgrace the way these fallen heroes were hounded by the horrible, horrendous fake news media of their day,” the President told reporters. “However, Paul Manafort is not a candidate for similar treatment.”

WASHINGTON DC – President Trump today announced a new round of “historical” posthumous pardons, including “forgiveness and total rehabilitations” for tax-dodging Chicago gangster, Alphonse (Al) Ca pone, Beverly Hills slayer Charles “Swastika Head” Manson, and human-flesh connoisseur Jeffrey “Hannibal Lechter” Darmer. All three died in prison while serving life sentences.

“It’s a disgrace how poor Mr Capone was treated,” Trump shouted to a gathering of journalists as he walked across the White House lawn to Marine One. “They hounded him even worse than his modern-day counterpart, Paul Manafort, whom I barely know and haven’t given a moment’s thought to pardoning. So they both fiddled their taxes a little, so what? Who hasn’t done that?

“Well, except me. No, sorry, you can’t see them. I’m still under audit, going back to 1973.”

The President continued: “As for my boyhood hero, Charlie Manson, he should be honored for taking on the corrupt Hollywood elite.

And that nice Mr Darmer should definitely be given credit for his innovative approach to finding new sources of protein. “ The copter’s wind tossed the President’s golden locks. “Anyway,” he said, ” like Mr Darmer, Mr Manafort is a good-looking guy, which is most likely the reason he’s been so unfairly attacked by the ostrich lovers and python worshipers in la-la land. He definitely deserves to be par doned like Darmer the Charmer, though I really haven’t thought much about it at all.”

Reported by Michael Egan.

Ripping the Headlines Today

By Jennifer Hollie Bowles

Libra: Being ruled by Venus doesn’t make you attractive: it just makes your bitchiness ir re sist ible to fel low indecisives and Pottery Barn patrons.

Trump Posthumously Pardons Al Capone, Charles Manson and Jeffrey Darmer, but Not Paul Manafort

Making fun of the headlines today, so you don’t have to

By Paul Lander. All you need to do is follow one simple rule: barely pay attention and jump to conclusions. So, here are some headlines today and my first thoughts: ‘American Pickers’ discover Aerosmith van from 1970s in the woods Wow, so that’s where Steven Tyler spent his 60s.

Happy birthday, Robert Mueller What do get the guy who ha s e v e ry thing… on tape?

‘Hot Insta’ model bitten by shark Talk about being treated like a piece of meat!

Tomi Lahren on Twitter: First time in San Fran – see a man snorting cocaine off the street … Damn, how rich are the people in the Bay Area, even the bums can afford cocaine?

Dangerous Eastern heatwave to topple records How hot is it? It’s so hot police chalk outlines have sweat marks under their arms.

Trump defends son’s meeting with Russians as ‘totally legal’ 3 Months from now: ‘Don Jr, barely know him.

Ivana brought him around sometimes. Couldn’t pick him out of lineup…’

Texas Governor Greg Abbott tweets fake Winston Churchill quote on ‘anti-fascists’ He should have listened to Abraham Lincoln who said, ‘don’t trust everything you read on the internet.’

HUMOR TIMES

An openly LGBTQ Native American woman just won a Democratic House nomination in Kansas I’m shocked: there’s a Democrat in Kansas?

Trump administration now attacking legal immigrants In fairness, some people will do anything to get rid of their in-laws.

Report: Police investigating J.R. Smith allegedly stealing and throwing picture-taking fan’s phone LeBron’s like ‘now you throw something, Dude? Now?’ Brad Pitt fires back at Angelina Jolie; claims to have paid more than $9 million in child support Isn’t that like $127.50 a kid?

Manafort’s lawyer: My client is innocent – guilty people don’t leave this much evidence behind … the famed Jeffrey Dahmer freezer defense.

New York Post: Man’s penis falls off after he ignored signs of cancer Ironically, this story is just nuts… and now so is he!

Trump ate sensitive document after Cohen meeting, Omarosa claims In fairness, it was probably covered in Russian dressing.

Read more columns by Paul Lander at humortimes.com.

September, 2018

Boomtown Tariffs knocked some holes in the economy...

yet he’s sticking to the principles his supporters love.

Republican tax cuts really only benefitted the very rich...

but that was easy to explain.

Trump met with the EU to patch things up... while promising some real dream jobs.

Meanwhile, the real estate market bubble is flying high...

September, 2018

HUMOR TIMES

and Facebook is having to face its own books.

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Congress: Co-Equal, but Subservient Republicans have really been cleaning up lately...

and continue to have their president’s back.

and to hold the candidates to account.

Their base has reason to be angry...

no matter how confusing it gets.

So, GOP congressmen do their best...

but they’re looking forward to the midterms.

Sure, they’ve had a tough time lately...

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HUMOR TIMES

September, 2018

Fingers Crossed Democratic Party leadership seems lost...

and downright depressed...

fearing the good job numbers will hit them hard.

One of their heroes got canned...

and some are taking the shaming thing too far.

Even Obama is hard to read these days.

But the rank and file are holding on to hope...

September, 2018

that things can change for the better.

HUMOR TIMES

15

The Hightower Lowdown

Space Farce He’s spent enough time there...

to know space is the place...

Monopoly or Democracy? You Can’t Have Both America’s political history has been written in the fierce narrative of war — not only our country’s many military clashes with foreign nations, but also our own unending war for democracy (and against monopoly) in the U.S. Generation after generation of moneyed elites have persisted in trying to take wealth and power from the workaday majority and concentrate both of those things in their wealthy hands to establish a de facto American aristocracy. Every time, the people have rebelled in organized mass struggles against the monopolist and financial royalists — literally battling for a little more economic fairness, social justice, and equal opportunity. And now, the time of rebellion is upon us again, for We the People are suddenly in the grip of a brutish level of monopolistic power.

Corporate concentration of markets, profits, workplace decision-making, political influence and our nation’s total wealth is surpassing that of the infamous era of robber barons. Apple, which just became the first U.S. corporation to reach a stock value of a trillion dollars, is now larger than Bank of America, Boeing, Disney, Ford, Volkswagon and 20 other brand-name giants combined. Just five tech superpowers — Apple, Amazon, Facebook, Google and Netflix — have raked in half of this year’s stock price gains by the 500 top corporations ranked by the S&P index. A recent gold rush of corporate mergers has created mega-firms and shriveled competition in most industries, including airlines, banks, drug companies, food, hospitals, hotels, law firms, media, oil and more.

The results of fewer and bigger corporations is that those few attain overwhelming power over the rest of us. They are able to control workers’ pay, crush unions, jack up prices, squeeze our smaller businesses, dominate elections, weaken environmental projections… and become even fewer, bigger and more powerful.

Thus, they are waging all out corporate class war on American people, and on our democratic ideals, and they’re winning.

These monopolies are not merely un-American, they’re virulently anti-American, suppressing our fundamental values of fairness and opportunity for all. That’s why, throughout our history, the people have instinctively rebelled at

JIM HIGHTOWER the arrogant assertions of monopoly avarice — the Boston Tea Party, the Populist Movement, the rise of unions, Teddy Roosevelt’s trust busters, the Progressive Party, the muckrakers, the New Deal, Ralph Nader and on and on. Yet, in the stunningly short period of the last couple of decades, corporate political money and the public officials it bought have enshrined monopoly power as a legitimate form of business in our land, aggressively protected from public “meddling” by lawmakers, regulators and judges. For example, after our grassroots economy was crushed in 2007 by the greed of too-big-to-fail Wall Street banksters, officials bailed out the villainous banks at the taxpayer expense and deliberately made them bigger, more powerful and more dangerous than ever. Today, just five banks control nearly half of all financial assets in the U.S. You’d think such a massive power grab by bank monopolists would produce an equally massive, 24/7 barrage of coverage by the nation’s multitude of media outlets, which purport to be our defenders of democracy. And sure, an occasional story pops out here or there about monopoly abuse, but nothing comprehensive and cohesive to rally a public rebellion against what’s become the United States of Monopoly Rule.

Why? Look at who owns America’s mass media. Three decades ago, 50 large media conglomerates controlled 90 percent of the media.

This year, after yet another merger of giants is completed, just 5 mega-media monopolists will control 90 percent of what we see, hear and read. It is not in their interest to inform the public about the threat that monopolies pose to our democracy.

As a paragon of journalistic integrity, A.S. Liebling, warned nearly 40 years ago, “Freedom of the press is guaranteed only to those who own one.”

where it’s all happening.

Too bad he’s missing the real threat.

16

HUMOR TIMES

September, 2018

Race-Baiting

California Burning

Ingraham’s message on “demographics,” decoded:

California is burning...

and it’s not the only place.

It definitely reached its intended audience...

It’s debatable how much climate change is to blame...

and the president threw in his two cents worth...

but not that Trump’s tweets about it were insane.

but insists he’s not a racist.

September, 2018

HUMOR TIMES

17

Miscellaneous Mischief

18

HUMOR TIMES

September, 2018

September, 2018

HUMOR TIMES

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