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Issue #320
December, 2018
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HUMOR TIMES
December, 2018
Editor’s Letter
SUPPORT INDEPENDENT MEDIA!
Although some people are trying to minimize it, the recent election victories for Democrats were huge. With close races still being counted at press time, Dems are sure to pick up at least 32 seats in the House, and possibly up to 38. A couple Senate races were closer than originally thought, and Arizona’s has flipped totally, once all the votes were counted. In Florida and Georgia, Republicans shamefully tried to charge fraud where no evidence for it existed, as they tried once again to stop a legal vote count while they were ahead – as if write-in and provisional ballots count less, for some reason. Their anti-democratic behavior should be permanently noted by citizens, and they should be made to pay for that sin in the next election. Add to the above the fact that Republican state office holders did their level best to repress minority votes with many devious tactics, and spent years radically gerrymandering districts to give themselves an unwarranted majority of House seats while losing the majority vote in the overall state counts, and you have the real election fraud. Again, citizens must awaken to this potentially fatal threat to our democracy, and make the criminals responsible pay. After this recent shellacking, the failed president pretended to offer to work with Democrats, if only they ignore his law-breaking and degradation of constitutional principals, and promise not to do their duty to check the president. To this, I refer you to Professor Arthur Blaustein’s public, semi-rhyming letter to Trump below. He taught Public Policy and Politics at the University of California and is author of Democracy Is Not A Spectator Sport and The American Promise:
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To: Donald Trump - From: Arthur Blaustein THE NEW BI-PARTISANSHIP The election is over and the vote is now known / The will of the people has clearly been shown. So lets all get together and let differences pass. I’ll investigate your elephant, and you can kiss my donkey. P.S. We salute Stan Lee, the legendary writer, editor and publisher of Marvel Comics, who passed away Nov. 12th at age 95. He will be greatly missed. – James Israel, Editor
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The Humor Times® (ISSN 1937 299X), Vol. 27, Issue 320, is published monthly by the Humor Times, 7271 Lindale Dr, Sacramento, CA 95828. (Not our mailing address, see “postmaster.”) Periodicals Postage Paid at Sacramento, CA and additional mailing offices. POSTMASTER: Send address changes to Humor Times, P.O. Box 162429, Sacramento, CA 95816-2429. Editor: James Israel. Publisher: Jim LeDoux. Email: info@humortimes.com. Phone: 916-758-8255. Printed by: Gold Country Printing, Auburn, CA 95603. Contributors: Rod Bartchy, Steve Benson, Ruben Bolling, Jennifer Hollie Bowles, Bill Bramhall, Chris Britt, Jeff Cahlon, Jon Carter, Diane de Anda, Larry Dell, Will Durst, Michael Egan, Walt Handelsman, Phil Hands, Joe Heller, Jim Hightower, David Horsey, Paul Lander, Chan Lowe, Mike Luckovich, Joel Pett, Dan Piraro, Marshall Ramsey, Rob Rogers, Harley Schwadron, Drew Sheneman, Scott Stantis, Dana Summers, Tom Toles, Roz Warren, Dan Wasserman & others. Contributions: Send artwork/submissions to address or email above. The Humor Times is available by subscription. It is printed on recycled paper, using 60% post-consumer fiber. All contents ©2018. No part may be reproduced without permission.
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December, 2018
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HUMOR TIMES
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Election Protection The midterm election was an important one...
and both sides were passionate about it.
Republican state officials were adamant about the process...
and determining who gets to vote...
They brought out all their favorite hits...
knowing what was at stake.
trying their best to scare the bejesus out of their base...
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while promising to break more promises. (continued)
HUMOR TIMES
December, 2018
But Repubs were right about an invasion...
of woke women, that is...
that were well-armed.
and a scary wave of new voters...
and was not aware of any “blue wave.”
But Trump said he tasted only victory...
Now that it’s all over...
December, 2018
enjoy your brief respite.
HUMOR TIMES
5
November Surprises Closing in on the critical midterm elections Donald Trump unleashed a torrent of October Surprises in an attempt to motivate his base; throwing everything up against the wall including the kitchen sink. With a filthy green snake hanging out the drain. He demonstrated he would say or do anything that could give him or the GOP the slightest emotional boost. He would lie. Cheat. Steal. Defame critics. Invent crises. Exaggerate enemies. Make stuff up. Mischaracterize facts. Promise impossible things. Defy the laws of physics. Dabble in magical realism. With an emphasis on the adjective and none on the noun. Call a spade a club. Call a rock a rifle. The President initially tried bribing constituents by offering up a middle class tax cut that would take effect before the election only to be told Congress wouldn’t be able to enact it, what with them being nowhere near Washington and all, way too busy with the important American business of getting reelected. He then switched to frightening voters by portraying an immigrant caravan as a marauding army, full of crime and Mideasterners. And he wasn’t talking about residents of Indiana and Ohio. He insinuated the immigrants were also bringing diseases into our country conveniently ignoring the fact that Guatemala has a higher vaccination rate than we do. He further vows to send 15,000 troops to repel these hundreds of economic and political refugees who walked across 3 countries to apply for asylum. More troops than are currently in Afghanistan. Talk about using a sledgehammer to push in a thumbtack. Lastly he promised to dismantle the 14th Amendment, which guarantees birthright citizenship to anybody born in America. When you consider his first wife Ivana gave birth to Ivanka, Don Jr. and Eric all before she became a naturalized citizen in 1988, it’s a good bet there won’t be much of an effort to make the repeal retroactive. The Oval Office occupant went on to claim that we are the only country in the world that provides birthright citizenship, and he’s only off by about 30 countries. Said someone told him he can do that through an executive order, although legal scholars say whoever told him that, is nuttier than the hospitality suite at a brown squirrel convention. Trump also executed a nifty midair pirouette jumping on the Obama Care bandwagon claiming to be a proponent of protecting pre-existing conditions, joining other gyrating republicans, some of whom voted over 60 times to get rid of them. Since we’ve slid past October into November, nobody knows what surprises designed to ener-
gize his followers lie in store. WILL DURST Perhaps he’ll declare professional wrestling to be an Olympic event. Promise a hard rain of Susan B Anthony dollars. Announce the calories in a Big Mac have been cut in half. Deputize all gun owners with explicit permission to shoot the hell out of anybody who “looks at em funny.” Make Sadie Hawkins Day a national holiday. Suspend gravity in rural areas of red states. Give Larry the Cable Guy an Academy Award. Nomination. Then finally on Election Eve, announce that after speaking personally to God, the Almighty told him all his loving subjects should vote Republican. The question of whether he means God’s loving subjects or his own will be debated by cable news networks until Thanksgiving.
Hugging Despots For some unfathomable reason, Donald Trump has worked himself into a heavy-duty lather over dictators. Strongmen. Warlords. Kingpins. His love of tyrants is tremendous. It is amazing. Huge. The man relishes hugging despots. Vladimir Putin. Rodrigo Duterte. Kim Jong Un. Kanye West. The president backed up his good buddy Mohammed bin Salman who assured him that Saudi Arabia had nothing to do with Jamal Khashoggi’s disappearance from their Istanbul embassy. Not only did the Crown Prince deny any involvement, “it was a forceful denial,” which means it has to be true. How could anybody lie when delivering a forceful denial? The 45th POTUS trusted his pal so much he summoned all his public relations skills to offer up the opinion that the columnist might have been slain by “rogue killers.” Yeah. Sure. That’s it. Or maybe he was consumed by spontaneous combustion. Or struck by an asteroid. No, it was the one-armed man. He got stuck in a cave like that Thai soccer team. Flesh eating bacteria? Could have been another 400-pound fat guy on a couch. We waited breathlessly for the president to rationalize that when it comes to investigative journalists and rogue killers, “you can find good people on both sides.” Surprisingly, he neither tried that or blaming Hillary Clinton. Turkish officials claim to possess evidence that an autopsy specialist transporting a bone saw was among the 15-member Saudi hit team that dismembered and beheaded Khashoggi during an interrogation. Which you might think would hinder the man’s ability to pro vide an swers to specific queries. Over a two week period, the Saudis furnished enough explanations to fill the trunk of a limo with room left over for the dismembered parts of many bodies. “We have no idea what happened.” “He left through the rear entrance.” “He’s fine, just sleepy.” “Fell down during an interrogation and couldn’t get up.” “Accidentally died during a fist fight.” And if that last bit were true, it’s obviously his own damn fault. Only a journalist would get into a fist-fight with 15 guys armed with a bone saw. The man deserved everything he got. Nobody knows how the Turks are aware of this. They too have spun enough t al es t o bor e Scheherazade. First they floated the story that Khashoggi’s own Apple Watch recorded the deadly rumpus, which confused everyone including Apple CEO Tim Cook. The gen eral impression is that there are more bugs in the Saudi Embassy than in the basement of t he Sm i t h so ni an’s Na t i onal History Museum. The Saudis promised a thorough and transparent investigation, which is like letting Jeffrey Dahmer find out how that head got in his refrigerator. Finally they said the Washington Post columnist was dead but they didn’t mean to kill him. Some rogue killers got into their embassy and were torturing him when something went awry. Not their fault. Just an attempted rendition that screwed the pooch. Could have happened to any murderous regime. Trump refuses to even consider slapping sanctions on the Saudis because “people are innocent until proven guilty.” This guy sees only what he wants to see, and mostly now he sees hundreds of billions in arm sales. He’s not just myopic, he’s a myopic ostrich, burying his head in the sand. In this case, extremely oil-rich Saudi sand. Will Durst is an award-winning, nationally acclaimed, often-touring political comic. Catch his weekly “Durst Case Scenario: Midterm Madness” at SF Marsh, 1036 Valencia St (themarsh.org). See willdurst.com for cal endar listings.
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HUMOR TIMES
November, 2018
Time’s Up! Trump’s invasion fears weren’t totally unjustified...
and now it’s clean up time.
but follow-through may prove difficult. Dems intend to take a close look...
saying Sessions just wasn’t up to the job... Trump took immediate action...
replacing him with someone “more qualified”...
December, 2018
while testing the Democrats’ resolve.
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Invasion of Paranoia Snowflake conservatives got easily spooked...
and badly fooled.
The fear-stoking was almost comical...
as Fox “News” saw boogie men everywhere.
Trump said they don’t belong here...
and knows how to play to his audience.
He gave it his all... against an imaginary enemy. (continued)
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HUMOR TIMES
December, 2018
The prez said they shouldn’t be underestimated...
sending 5,200 troops to face 4,000 tired refugees.
The danger is real... but the solution is simple.
Trump even said he could change the Constitution...
but he should know better.
He is only succeeding in making racism ‘grate’ again...
December, 2018
and stoking fear along the border.
HUMOR TIMES
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Cartertoons • www.cartertoons.com
•
by Jon Carter
Cartertoons • www.cartertoons.com
•
by Jon Carter
‘We Report, You Decry!’ Police Finally Catch Man Who Always Screws Lids On Too Tightly After years of investigation, one of the great est crim i no log i cal rid dles of the post-war era has apparently been solved. Today, officers of the Federal Criminal Police Of fice in Ger many ar rested a 65-year-old man in Eisenach, who is suspected of screwing the lids of glass jars containing food so tightly that unsuspecting customers could barely open them, and of having done so since 1976.
Dubbed “The Lid Phantom” by the yellow press, suspect Oskar G. never once deviated from his modus operandi in all the years he was active: under the cover of darkness he crept into warehouses, factories and supermarkets, where he then tightly screwed on the lids of as many jars as he could – jars which could have otherwise been opened by anyone in an instant. At his peak, he regularly managed to screw more than 15,000 lids tight in a single night. His crime – at times he had tampered with every fifth jar sold in Germany – was just as spectacular as his arrest: 14 police officers were needed to handcuff him. “The strength in his thin arms is almost unbelievable,” said Jochen Schäfer, a spokesperson for the Federal Criminal Police Office, “He has a grip like a screw clamp and dislocated several officers’ shoulders.” A single fingerprint, found as early as 2013 on a jar of marmalade in a supermarket branch in the East Frisian town of Wittmund, put investigators hot on the trail of the suspect. Oskar G. had allegedly screwed on the lid of the marmalade jar so tight that his glove burst without him realizing – a fatal mistake. “Without this lucky find we would probably never have caught this monster,” Schäfer said. Reported by the-postillon.com.
Taurus: Happy Hol i days, Bulls! Fruit cakes might be bullshit gifts, but at least your immigrant ancestors weren’t kicked out of the country. Gem ini: Tis the sea son to share and remember all the times when you were a kid that you broke other kids’ hearts by telling them Santa was a big fake. Cancer: While you, Trump, and every other overweight American is eating meals for 10 this Christ mas sea son, don’t forget to make fudge. It goes well with pharmaceutical fascism. Leo: This Christmas, don’t get upset you weren’t given five golden rings, and move away from the mis tle toe at least once every four hours to avoid raw lips and excess gas. Virgo: Happy Hannakah! Even if you’re not Jewish, your sign is still a Virgin without immaculate conception.
Inside sources at the White House have revealed that Michael Cohen, the president’s long time lawyer and fixer has been offered a deal aimed at reconciling their recent differences and finally “bury the hatchet” once and for all. To renew th eir d ee p b o nd a nd friend ship, Trump has proposed that Cohen be appointed to a new position – special envoy to Saudi Arabia at the Saudi Embassy in Istanbul. “The pres i dent believes this is a perfect match for Michael,” said administration spokesperson Sarah Sanders. Even though the president has identified the plan as “high priority,” Cohen’s exact responsibilities have not been determined. According to one insider, he might be at the embassy for a year or more, or the whole thing may be concluded in a few days – or, given his interest in exotic foreign destinations no one would be surprised if he never returns. One additional benefit of the plan is the potential for bipartisan participation.
“We believe this is a plan that all members of Congress, Democrats as well as Republicans can get behind,” said Majority leader Mitch McConnell. As a re sult, the Speaker ’s of fice has floated the idea of having C huc k Sch um er and Nancy Pelosi accompany Co hen in side the embassy. “We believe this approach will not only build co op er a tion across the aisle, but will go a long way to underscoring the reason why the president thinks this plan is so vital to long term interests of the administration,” said McConnell. So far, efforts to reach Mr. Cohen for a comment have been unsuccessful. However, several unsubstantiated reports say a dark sedan similar to Cohen’s personal vehicle was spotted speeding on the New York State Thruway, heading in the direction of Canada with several military drones and highway patrol vehicles in pursuit. Reported by Larry Dell.
Special Training Ordered for Troops Set to Face ‘Fearsome Horde’ of Mothers and Children Troops facing onslaught get special training, including use of new “kiddie stun guns.” An anonymous source in the Pentagon has revealed that President Trump has ordered special training for the over 5,000 troops he is sending to the border to deal with the caravan of Honduran refugees that he believes are planning to storm the bor der. The train ing has been named “Push Back Brown Hordes,” and includes the following: All troops have been issued special kiddie stun guns and gunny sacks to slip the children into once they have been immobilized. In case the children come in large gangs, a series of suspended heavy gauge nets will be placed in front of the troops, which will be dropped on the horde.Special cranes will then pick up the bundled children like netted fish, and deposit them into metal storage containers. The women may be particularly dangerous,
as they have probably been provided with weapons and trained to use them by MS13. Shawls and long skirts are particularly useful for hiding au to matic weap ons. Once subdued, the women should be hog-tied, not handcuffed, as they have been trained to kick men in the groin to escape. The President is particularly concerned with the few who might escape into the U.S. despite his efforts. To make identification easier, he issued a Presidential Proclamation requiring all fair skinned children to wear long sleeves and extra sun screen to avoid tanning. When asked about the children of various ethnic groups in the U.S. who have dark skin, the President just shrugged his shoulders and said, “You have to expect collateral damage in any war.” Reported by Diane de Anda
Libra: Do not try to balance Christmas traditions in your household, else you’ll wind-up with a Pagan tree in the middle of your living room and waiting until September to celebrate the birth of Christ. Scorpio: Merry Krishmas, but shhh... just because you know Krishna was born of a virgin in a manger and visited by three wise men thousands of years before Christ doesn’t mean anyone else wants to know. Sagittarius: Merry Consumerism! Just remember the twelve days of Christmas has nothing to do with shots of liquor either.
SYDNEY – What a scary sight! Numerous social media posts today revealed that a man was caught looking out of the window for several minutes on a bus in Sydney rather than staring at his smart phone like a normal person. The posts in question came from passengers who were worried by the episode as the man appeared to be deeply disturbed.
A witness describes the uncanny scene on Facebook: “I was just about to take a selfie when I noticed this creepy guy in the background – No phone, no headphones! He was just looking out at the street, as if he was watching fail videos or looking at celeb pics. So I filmed him and posted this video on every social network.” Consequently, the other passengers on the bus learned of their ‘creepy’ fellow passenger via Twitter, Facebook and Instagram in no time at all. Some even took pictures of the man, others stared even more intently at their phones so as not to provoke him. “Why is this guy even al lowed on the streets?” asked an unsettled female user. “Just to be on the safe side, I got off five stops early so I could get away from him. Someone who behaves like that in public is probably capable of anything.” A barrage of requests from concerned Sydney residents prompted NSW police to announce that they will be maintaining a greater presence on buses and trains over the coming days. Officers hope this will enable them to track down and confront this apparently dangerous man before he does anyone any harm. Reported by the-postillon.com.
Making fun of the headlines today, so you don’t have to By Paul Lander. All you need to do is follow one simple rule: barely pay attention and jump to conclusions. So, here are some headlines today and my first thoughts: Trump blames the leaders of Estonia, Latvia and Lithuania for war in Yugoslavia. Turns out he mixed up Balkans and Baltics I totally get it. I once blamed the Three Stooges for bad car repair, when I meant to blame the Pep Boys: Manny, Moe and Jack. Kansas City police recover giant inflatable colon …describing the search as one giant pain in the ass. U.S. Rep. Steve King wins re-election despite furor over his views Shouldn’t that be spelled ‘Fuhrer?’
Capricorn: Merry Christmas weird-eyed goats. Just forget your sign is a symbol of Satan/Santa.
Talk Trump Jr. to be indicted by Mueller soon Look for Trump Sr. to say he barely knew Jr… campaign volunteer, hung around the house a bit as a kid, couldn’t pick him out of a lineup.
Aquarius: Merry Xmas, you politically correct Nazis.
Dennis Hof, the brothel owner who died last month, wins election I’d say he’s in a better place, but, let’s face it, that can’t be true!
Pisces: Happy Holy Days Fish people! As a symbol of Christ, give gifts in the spirit of smelling better.
Disturbed Man Looks Out of Bus Window and Not at Phone
Ripping the Headlines Today
By Jennifer Hollie Bowles
Catch up on previous funny Horoscope columns by Jennifer Hollie Bowles that you may have missed on the Humor Times website at humortimes.com!
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Aspiring to the High Standards Set by Cable News
Trump Offers Former Fixer Cohen Position as Special Envoy to Saudi Arabia
Horoscopes for Jerks: December, 2018 Ar i e s : F a l a l a l a l a l a R a m nuts… too bad you can’t give Mike Pence a pair for Christmas.
Headline News Section
Reports are that Trump all but abandoned his black voter outreach efforts So, I guess that means no one remembered to wake up Ben Carson to go vote. Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg hospitalized with 3 broken ribs No word if Kavanaugh has an alibi!
Dems take back House promise return to ‘checks and balances’ And when it comes to Trump, there’s always lots of ‘bad checks’ and ‘overdrawn balances.’ Sean Hannity and Rush Limbaugh join Trump at a rally the night before the midterms It’ll be packed if all their ex-wives show up! Oprah seen knocking on doors in Georgia …or, maybe, it was Megyn Kelly! Kanye donated $126,000 to a liberal Chicago Dem candidate for Mayor In Trump dollars, that’s enough to pay off one porn star. Trump: ‘I think I am a great moral leader.’ Jeffrey Dahmer: ‘I think I’m a vegetarian.’ Tokophobia is the very real fear of giving birth–and it stops some women from ever getting pregnant Not to be confused with Yokophobia, the fear a girl friend or spouse will cause a band to breakup. Arizona could wait a week to learn who its next U.S. senator will be Hey, hurry that up, I’ve been to Arizona. A lot of the people there don’t have that long!
Read more columns by Paul Lander at humortimes.com.
HUMOR TIMES
December, 2018
Guns & Bombs Mass shootings keep happening...
but exactly why is a total mystery.
and any progress gets mysteriously thwarted.
The perks for inaction are too tempting for some...
and, combined with incendiary rhetoric...
Meanwhile, paranoia is systematically conjured...
along with the ever-present “bothsideism.�
produces a predictable result...
December, 2018
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The Prez Trump just can’t help himself...
because to him, being good is being weak.
He complains the world is unfair to him...
jealous that he’s the new “Great Communicator.”
He just wants to get at the truth, he says...
and make sure everyone knows it...
and that justice is served.
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Meanwhile, have you seen this man?
HUMOR TIMES
December, 2018
Chopping Block The Saudis generously offered to investigate themselves...
to solve the deepening mystery.
They can’t understand the big deal...
and besides, they’re too busy to bother.
Prince bin Salman isn’t too worried...
because his business partner is a chip off the ol’ block.
Trump says they will do better...
December, 2018
and that we should just believe.
HUMOR TIMES
15
The Hightower Lowdown
Presser The press has always been respected by American leaders...
but now the script has flipped.
Questioning authority is frowned upon...
Pulling a Con Donald Trump hates you. But don’t take it personally, he hates me, too — and all of us who constitute The Public. The billionaire’s antipathy is not directed at us as individuals, but as users of services — public assets such as schools, parks, health care, buses, collective bargaining, libraries and environmental protections. From his privileged perspective, all of that is welfare, nothing but an expensive waste that puts burdensome taxes and annoying regulatory constraints on the entrepreneurial creative class, i.e., him. Moreover, as he’s made clear, it galls him that the American people as a whole own such a wealth of shared assets, benefits and programs. He sees no need for them, apparently unaware that the great majority of people clearly do need, use — and want — more of them! But being The Donald has always meant not caring (or even noticing) what common folks want or need. As we’ve witnessed again and again, his presidential policies (incarcerating terrified refugee toddlers, pushing a trillion-dollar tax giveaway for the super-rich, etc.) routinely reject the public interest and the people’s will. Instead, they’re based on his narcissistic desires, personal biases, insecurities and assorted right-wing furies screeching inside his head. All of those psychic forces have been in play again as Trump and his gang of GOP accomplices have quietly but intently pursued an aggressive policy of taking as much of America’s common wealth from the public domain as they can. A few of their robberies have briefly popped onto the media radar (Scott Pruitt‘s bloody axing of the EPA, for example). But the totality of their daily, furtive efforts to constrict, deconstruct, eliminate or privatize all things public has largely gone undetected — and, thus, not widely challenged. It’s time to pay attention. In less than two years in office, they’ve already laid siege on such public assets as: Our National Parks, Trails, Historic Sites, Etc. They’ve whacked park service budgets, forcing reductions in hours, staff, amenities and bas ic ma in te na nc e w ork. And var i ous Trumpeteers are pushing, both publicly and privately, to open these spaces to everything from fracking and uranium mining to luxury homes and private resorts. Public Lands Trump’s interior secretary, Ryan Zinke, has drastically shrunk the size of several national monuments, and he ordered that fracking must be allowed on all federal and tribal lands.
JIM HIGHTOWER Trump’s Fish and Wildlife Service has unilaterally opened America’s national wildlife refuges to biotech pesticides and GMO crops. Trump signed a bill allowing Big Oil drilling rigs and pipelines into the pristine Arctic National Wildlife Refuge. A 2017 Trump order allows new offshore drilling in nearly all coastal waters, endangering not only the environment, but also thousands of local fishing and tourism businesses. And the Trumpsters are mounting a “No More National Parks” campaign while pushing schemes to privatize and sell these national resources to corporate profiteers for their short-term gain. America’s Social Safety Net While Team Trump has been working tirelessly to save corporations from the “burden” of treating people with a modicum of fairness, they’ve simultaneously been working to impose truly onerous personal burdens on people needing the most basic public help — food, unemploy ment income, health care, etc. Trump signed an executive order to require that someone getting a typical allotment of $134 a month in food stamps must first take a job. And Trumpistas across the country are also demanding that parents needing public medical assistance for their children must submit to drug testing. And So-Awful-Much More Even as the need for public housing has grown greater than ever, the Trump budgets have slashed funds for maintenance and construction, and housing secretary Ben Carson has proposed tripling the rents paid by the lowest-income residents. The Consumer Financial Protection Bureau, set up to be a fierce watchdog policing the greed of Wall Street banksters and predatory lenders, has been taken over by Trump’s budget director, effectively turning the consumer protector into an industry lapdog. Treasury Secretary Steve Mnuchin quietly ruled that super PACs will no longer have to reveal to tax regulators the names of the “dark money donors” who corrupt our elections. And on and on every day, purposefully removing policies, public assets and structures that are useful and desirable for the people while rewiring rule after rule to force the public’s interests to give way to the monetary interests of corporate exploiters, polluters, defrauders and plutocrats.
and dealt with harshly.
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HUMOR TIMES
December, 2018
Blue Over Small Blue Wave Democrats had to recalibrate their message...
and were up against youthful indifference.
which didn’t help.
There were many distractions as well...
and some issues were a hard sell.
Some candidates were a drag on the ticket...
if they can just get over the hump.
But they feel pretty good about the future...
December, 2018
HUMOR TIMES
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Miscellaneous Mischief
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HUMOR TIMES
December, 2018
December, 2018
HUMOR TIMES
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“Nobody will ever deprive the American people of the right to vote except the American people themselves, and the only way they could do this is by not voting.” – Franklin D. Roosevelt
Issue #320
December, 2018
‘World’s Funniest News Source’ Mere l $2.9 y 8
Formerly the ‘Comic Press News’
California Stage Theater Creations
Jeanette Midori Okazaki, DDS, Inc. • (916) 329-3400 2525 K Street, Suite 305, Sacramento • Most insurance plans accepted www.dentalandholistichealth.com
presents Juno and the Paycock
®
Family Dentistry with Tender Loving Care. Traditional dentistry with holistic options offered in a warm, caring environment. Acupuncture • Mercury Free • Cerec Crowns Mercury Separators • GREEN Dentistry Acupuncture is offered for relaxation, anesthesia, pain control and healing.
Holistic Resource Referral In keeping with holistic philosophy, we begin each day with our Healing Circle. We do conscious breath-work, meditation and affirmations for our patients and ourselves to create healing, transformation and peace on our planet.
Sean O’Casey Make reservations for Juno and the Paycock by Sean O’Casey! The highly regarded play takes place in the tenements of Dublin in 1922, just after the outbreak of the Irish Civil War, and revolves around the misfortunes of the dysfunctional Boyle family. Phone reservations only: 916-451-5822.
Fridays & Sat at 8PM, Sun at 2PM January 18 to February 17
Happy Holidays from Vic’s Ice Cream! Come on in and enjoy our Pumpkin, Eggnog, Spumoni, Irish Coffee, Pistachio, Peppermint Stick Ice Creams or a Fresh Cranberry Sherbet!
TICKETS: $20/$15/$12 • 916-451-5822 California Stage in the R25 Arts Complex
25th & R St, Midtown • Free parking • 916-451-5822
Support the Cause of Political Humor: Become a Patron of the Humor Times on Patreon.com! Go to our page and check out the different levels and benefits you can get at: www.patreon.com/ humortimes
Enjoy one of dozens of fabulous flavors! And check out our homemade soups & sandwiches! Manufacturing & serving quality products for over 50 years. Family owned & operated.
3199 Riverside Blvd.
448-0892 Also Available at
WILLIE’S 5050 Arden Way Fair Oaks
The News, Like You’ve Never Seen It Before! Told in Cartoon Form, by the World’s Best Editorial Cartoonists!