“Standing up to bullies is the hallmark of a civilized society.” – Robert Reich (served in Republican & Democratic administrations) Issue #323
March, 2019
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HUMOR TIMES
March, 2019
Editor’s Letter
Sicko
The Divider-in-Chief – who thinks building a wall between two nations at peace, with illegal border crossings on the decline for decades, is a “national emergency” – complained even more bitterly than usual in tweets that the comedy show Saturday Night Live was treating him so unfairly that it “should be looked into,” saying that “retribution” should be made against the network that aired it. This, after assassination mail bomb attempts and physical attacks at rallies against members of the media by Trump supporters. It’s funny, because his deranged, rambling, nonsensical rant in the Rose Garden announcing the “emergency” was so bizarre and self-parodying that there is no way any satire could outdo his own takedown of himself. Donald Trump, in issuing his decree, has proven beyond any reasonable doubt that he is not fit for any government office in a democracy, much less the highest one. Yet right-wingers, who delighted in charging President Obama with “acting like a king,” fall silent when their guy actually does. The previous president did make use of Executive Orders, it’s true – like all presidents have – issuing 276 over his eight years, an average of 34.5 a year. Trump, in his just over two years, has issued 96 so far, or 48 a year. This is the same guy who in 2014 on Fox said of Obama, “He goes around signing all these executive orders. It’s a basic disaster. You can’t do it.” Trump added that Obama “certainly could be impeached” for it. Hmm, interesting – and that’s just for issuing executive orders! I would imagine issuing fake national emergency decrees would be far worse – maybe impeachment and a prison sentence? Of course, he’s already in line for Sing-Sing anyway, likely to be prosecuted using RICO statutes meant for mobsters. Makes sense – he talks like one, threatens squealing “rats” like one, and launders money for other (Russian) mobsters like one. Trump’s order is unprecedented in that none of the 58 previous emergency declarations involved circumventing Congress to spend money it had expressly refused to authorize. He admitted himself in no uncertain terms, during that unintendedly hilarious performance in the Rose Garden, that this wasn’t an emergency, saying, “I didn’t need to do this, but I’d rather do it much faster.” That admission alone should automatically disqualify the declaration from being acted upon. Let’s face it, this so-called presidency is unraveling – careening off the rails like an ill-conceived, third-rate burglary – before the eyes of an unbelieving world. If Trump really does have a “very good brain,” as he claims, he would use it to surmise that his best option at this point would be to “make a deal” to resign and get a reduced sentence for all his criminal activities, before and after entering the White House. Then maybe we could reclaim our national Long-shot liberal respect, restart the efforts he has impeded to congressional candidate protect our elections (and infrastructure) from Lucifer Sims launches a foreign attack, finally address climate change in a real way, and begin the healing. quixotic campaign in this Otherwise, precious time will be wasted until hilarious anthology of the he gets ousted anyway. Talk about SAD! newspaper comic strip. – James Israel, Editor
It’s a symptom of our sick health system...
that profits matter more than people...
Lucifer for Congress: Anthology #1 Available at Lulu.com
and Russian bots can convince the gullible to reject science.
The Humor Times® (ISSN 1937 299X), Vol. 28, Issue 323, is published monthly by the Humor Times, 7271 Lindale Dr, Sacramento, CA 95828. (Not our mailing address, see “postmaster.”) Periodicals Postage Paid at Sacramento, CA and additional mailing offices. POSTMASTER: Send address changes to Humor Times, P.O. Box 162429, Sacramento, CA 95816-2429. Editor: James Israel. Publisher: Jim LeDoux. Email: info@humortimes.com. Phone: 916-758-8255. Printed by: Gold Country Printing, Auburn, CA 95603. Contributors: Rod Bartchy, Steve Benson, Ruben Bolling, Jennifer Hollie Bowles, Bill Bramhall, Chris Britt, Jeff Cahlon, Jon Carter, Diane de Anda, Larry Dell, Will Durst, Michael Egan, Walt Handelsman, Phil Hands, Joe Heller, Jim Hightower, David Horsey, Paul Lander, Chan Lowe, Mike Luckovich, Joel Pett, Dan Piraro, Marshall Ramsey, Rob Rogers, Harley Schwadron, Drew Sheneman, Scott Stantis, Dana Summers, Tom Toles, Roz Warren, Dan Wasserman & others. Contributions: Send artwork/submissions to address or email above. The Humor Times is available by subscription. It is printed on recycled paper, using 60% post-consumer fiber. All contents ©2019. No part may be reproduced without permission.
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March, 2019
HUMOR TIMES
3
Walled Out During the shutdown, some had no sympathy...
including Trump cabinet members...
who were only too happy to see certain Feds starved out.
The president was adamant...
sure that he was better at the “art of the deal”...
Mitch McConnell stood on principal...
4
than some skinny snowflake liberal woman.
despite obvious holes in Trump’s argument. (continued)
HUMOR TIMES
March, 2019
After 35 long days, the government finally reopened...
and the two sides tried meeting in the middle.
A compromise was finally reached... but Trump was not pleased.
Bested, he did what he does: try to change the rules... and no silly piece of paper would get in his way.
Trump was pleased with himself... but nobody else was.
March, 2019
HUMOR TIMES
5
The State of the Union & the Aftermath The State of the Union 2019 address, about to be presented by President Donald Trump, is a week late, due to the government being closed for five. In the shutdown showdown, the 45th POTUS blinked. He got stared down by Nancy Pelosi, which has to tick him off not less than somewhat, especially since she didn’t have the decency to gloat. Of course, if there’s one thing we’ve gotten used to, after living under the wild emotional swings and unprovoked rants of our plump swaggering Oval Office ego sausage, it’s that everything is all about him. Always. That’s the way it is, has been and forever shall be. So the State of the Union 2019 will actually be the State of The Donald. Not the authentic condition but the extravagant hyperbole he uses as brand. Which means we can expect to hear that the State of the Union is not orange, overweight and bedraggled but rather “tremendous. Fantastic. The best it’s ever been. In the history of ever. The speech will likely go something like this… Since we have been blessed with Captain Get-Things-Done at the helm, our Ship of State is headed in the right direction. Finally. After You Know Who, the guy with the phony birth certificate, tried to steer us into the rocks. He was a disgrace. Seriously, folks, a disgrace. I’m much better. I got all the good words and I know how to use them. And this is just the start. Major projects are in the works that will neutralize the Lying Mainstream Media, which cannot go a day without picking on me like no other president has ever been picked on. Ever. That’s a fact. You can look it up. Then we’ll lock up Crooked Hillary and her criminal cronies in Congress and those activist judges who do nothing but obstruct our plans to Make America Great Again. We’re not going to divulge those plans until we’re ready. Don’t want to give them advance warning. But you’ll see. And you will be amazed. Seriously, folks, huge plans. Really good ones. The wall will be built. Make no mistake about that. We will have a great big beautiful wall protecting our country from crime and disease and earthquakes and hurricanes and the measles. And there will be no skirting of that wall. We’re going to make ladders and shovels illegal in border states. Canadian borders too. Puerto Rico. And we’ll have cheaper, better health care for everybody. The best health care. It’s easy. You know it and I know it. The only reason we haven’t done it before is I’m forced to work with idiots. People who won’t do what I tell them to do. Trust me. I know more than anybody else. A lot more. These so-called experts are passive and naïve. That’s the truth. Everybody knows it. It won’t be long before the yellow lines down the middle of our highways are outlined by real
gold a nd dou ble qua rWILL DURST ter-pounders with cheese pop right out of your phone and the chickens lay nothing but soft boiled eggs and people won’t need to go on holidays, because everywhere in this great nation will be a vacation spot. Just wait and see, it’s going to be amazing. Thank you and God Bless the Soviet Union, I mean America.
The Aftermath The president gave a pretty good facsimile of a normal speech the other day, during which he presented 5540 of his best words using his indoor voice. He didn’t rattle unhinged or erupt into paroxysms of fire-breathing rage or seem blinded by paranoia. Well, not too much, anyway. He even got clapped at by Nancy Pelosi. But what of the SOTU aftermath? Indeed, he did boast of inflated accomplishments, made grandiose predictions and not less than a couple of exorbitant claims, but that’s all part of the grand tradition of the State of the Union Address. That’s what a SOTU is. Time to preen and strut and prance and flounce. Everybody does it. Even Jimmy Carter. What everybody normally doesn’t do is threaten the opposition party by saying that the authorization of any “partisan investigations” might cause the country to go to war. Sounds more than vaguely like an extortion threat. Obviously something he picked up from his good buddy, the publisher of the National Enquirer. Or maybe something he taught the unfortunately named David Pecker. It was the same-old, same-old, he says something and all the members of his party stand but the other party doesn’t, sort of thing. While behind him, the frosty tension between Vice-President Mike Pence and Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi could have been cut with an al dente strand of spaghetti. At one point, the 45th President of the United States bragged about more women serving in the 116th Congress than ever before, ignoring the fact that out of 127 female representatives, 106 are Democrats. Most of them clumped together wearing white, to symbolize the 100th anniversary of the 19th Amend ment be ing passed. A stark visual contrast to all the white men on the other side of the aisle. One of his least controversial moves was coming out against childhood cancer. Wow. Really going out on a political limb there, eh? Can’t wait for your next position paper on flesh-eating bacteria. He talked a lot about kids, but not one word about putt ing them in cages. Other things he failed to mention were the Government Shut down. Vladi mir Putin. Mi t ch McConnel l . Mar i a Butina. Jamal Khashoggi. Michael Cohen. Paul Manafort. Kim Kardashian. $2 trillion added to the na tional debt. Handing the EPA over to oil and coal industries. Fox News pulling his strings. His paternity of a resurgent white suprem acy move ment. School shoot ings. Global warm ing. Subpoenas. Pardons. Tax returns. And the Super Bowl Halftime Show. Drop ping a pre emp tive strike onto the 2020 Democratic campaign, the former real estate developer lashed out against so cial ism some how linking Bernie Sanders to the economic meltdown in South America. And he’s right. Venezuela and Vermont do have a lot in common. Well, they both start with V. He may or may not make America great again, but using communist scare tactics in di cates he’s cer tainly attempting to make America the 50s again. Finally, he called for civil discourse. You read that right, Donald Trump called for civil discourse. The guy who refers to Representative Adam Schiff by replacing the “F”s in the man’s last name with “T”s called for civil dis course. Which is like a man working in a sewer all day complaining someone spilled coffee on his shoes. Or a rabid wolverine telling the rabbits they should dial it down. Will Durst is an award-winning, nationally acclaimed, often-tour ing po lit i cal comic. Catch his weekly “Durst Case Scenario: Midterm Madness” at SF Marsh, 1036 Valencia St (themarsh.org). See willdurst.com for calendar listings.
6
HUMOR TIMES
November, 2018
Got to Scrape That Sh*t Right Off Your Shoes Face Something went terribly wrong in Virginia...
and there is no hiding from it.
The Dem governor’s yearbook came back to haunt him, and even would-be successors have admitted to disqualifying pasts.
He tried, but couldn’t seem to (moon)walk it back...
Most everyone agrees it’s deplorable...
March, 2019
yet vowed to make up for it somehow.
but some just couldn’t hide their joy.
HUMOR TIMES
7
Crowded Field The Pelosi-Trump feud is likely to rage on for a while...
8
and the shoe is now on the other foot...
in more ways than one...
since the Virginia governor has stalled Dem momentum.
The line of presidential hopefuls is already forming...
as they reflect on their positives...
and their negatives...
and the growing competition. (continued)
HUMOR TIMES
March, 2019
Smart Ass Dems are looking forward to the debates...
U.S. Intelligence is always ready to mobilize...
to thin their numbers a bit.
against enemy threats, whatever they may be.
But a hyper-caffenated force beyond their control...
The prez is using “executive time” to stay on top of it...
could doom them to a bad sequel. but claims he’s hearing only good things.
March, 2019
HUMOR TIMES
9
Cartertoons • www.cartertoons.com
•
by Jon Carter
Cartertoons • www.cartertoons.com
•
by Jon Carter
‘We Report, You Decry!’
Ginsberg Thwarts Terror Attack at Nakatomi Tower LOS ANGELES — Chaos ensued late Valentines Day at Nakatomi Tower as terrorists took a company party hostage. Although it was really annoying to have a company party on Valentines Day, one particular guest who doesn’t even work there saved the day.
Terrorists suffered heavy casualties as none other than Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsberg, aka The Notorious RGB, single-handedly foiled their plans. “I was able to steal a machine gun from a terrorist I killed,” said a nonchalant Ginsberg. “After which I strategically took them out one by one. I then tossed their leader off the skyscraper. But at the end of the day I’m just happy to see Holly and that she’s safe.” The Supreme Court justice also added that “they don’t teach you these skills at the academy,” and added that “this is why you never skip leg day, even if you fracture your ribs or have surgery for lung cancer.” This is not the first time Ruth Bader Ginsburg saved the day. In the late 90s, she and her crew of oil drillers saved the world by going into space and detonating a nuclear bomb inside an asteroid. Reported by StubhillNews.com.
Surgeon General’s Warning: Humor Times Habit-Forming The Surgeon General warned citizens about the national humor magazine the Humor Times today, saying it was “habit forming” and could lead to serious bouts of belly-laughter, upsetting the habitually pessimistic. “We’ve all heard the line, ‘laughter is the best medicine,’” the official said, “but is it, really? Perhaps too much of a good thing is just that – too much. Be careful out there, America.” (Ed: A subscription form is on page 3, if you can handle it. And please, give responsibly!)
Taurus - In a culture where natural beauty is rarer than a cat-ear selfie, don’t forget to smell the roses in your local grocery store. Gemini - Spring always looks good on a Twin. Except Trump.
Cancer - Don’t nurture every lost soul you find this Spring: some of them will just be sitcom junkies.
After weeks of political games of shutdowns and emergency declarations, the Dems have made an intriguing counter-proposal. They offered to pass funding for Trump’s wall in return for a wall around Trump himself. “It would be advantageous in so many ways,” crooned Nancy Pelosi. “It would bring some much needed peace and quiet to the Hill. It would quell a lot of the derision that is separating our nation. It would also make it harder for him to grope women.” A de sign was forwarded illustrating a wall built on a platform on wheels that would be built big enough to hold a toilet, sink, small refrigerator, desk, a book shelf large enough to house his collection of Hustler Magazines and a small bed. Several large screen TV’s that only receive Fox News would be mounted on all sides of the enclosure. He would be allowed to get out on weekends.
Melania would be able to make conjugal visits, but at her insistence, only if she requests it. The enclosure could be easily transported to other locations like Trump’s Manhattan condo or his Mar-a Lago or Timbuktu (if he weren’t paying close attention). There has been talk of making the wall Twitter proof, an idea that even some Re pub li cans and 99% of others support enthusiastically. So far there has been strong interest in the Legislature on this proposal and some quieter interest in the Senate. A few enthusiastic, but anonymous emails supporting the move have appeared coming from the White House, and one particularly impassioned one from Trump’s home itself, written in imperfect English with a Slovenian slant to the words. Strangely enough, Mexico has offered to pay for this version of a wall. Reported by Roger Freed.
Bored Donald Trump Plans Orgy for West Wing The White House announced yesterday that the frustrated and bored president is planning an orgy for the West Wing. Plan s are bei n g read ied to recreate an au thentic Rom a n t o g a party to in clude grapes, “those scarf d a n cers,” per DJT, and enough fast food to choke a Trojan horse. In addition to the main party, a separate room is being readied for “extracurricular” activities, and has been assigned the code word “Pee-Pee.” MSNBC reached out to Stormy Daniels and her attorney, Michael Avenatti about the toga
party. While Avenatti simply stated, “I already have an audio/visual tape of the Orgy,” his client, Stormy Daniels, de clined to comment whether or not she was invited to the sordid soiree and whether or not she would be attending. When told that the answer to both of those questions was the same answer, yes or no, she responded “ey, semantics.” When caught in the hallway of the Senate, Mitch McConnell was asked if he knew about the planned party and what he thought of an orgy in the White House. McConnell responded “Not now. I need to get my sheets (er…suit) out of the cleaner.” In a related story, several elite Republican lawmakers have been caught pilfering an invitation written in crayon from D. Trump to Mike Pence asking he RSVP to the Toga Party at once. One lawmaker was caught off camera saying “Pence? Are you serious? Invite him and he will bore the hell out of everyone there… he’ll bring the whole place down. I had dinner with him once. Never again. That guy is an a-number one buzz kill, and he is one Pee we don’t need at our party.” Reported by P. Beckert.
Libra - Warning: plastic flowers and skimpy Spring dresses may cause displacement of values and internal bleeding. Scorpio - You know what’s up this time of year, and it isn’t just the sky, regrowth, or well intentioned manipulations. Sagittarius - Go ahead: shoot an arrow at Karma like you totally got this, and that bitch will split into so many pieces it’ll c o m e b a c k a t yo u t h r e e Springs from now. Capricorn - If you want more privacy in your backyard this season, just remember that you need a permit to build a f e n c e , wh i c h w i l l n e v e r keep-out the thirsty, scared, or otherwise determined.
Leo - Excess pride, insurance premiums, and alcohol may cause liver spots and hernias, but it’s not like co-pays and warning labels will kill you... this Spring.
Aquarius - Worried about another government shutdown? Don’t: Spring comes with or without political illusions.
Virgo - Go outside and get away from media this Spring, because the side effects of watching advertisements include sudden death and balderdash syndrome.
Pis ces - Up stream, downstream, the scales of fish shine in the Spring sun, just like Lipstick #52: Wet Pinkk Glittera Mokka Cuppcake Divine X.
White House Seeks a ‘Few Good Cartoonists’ WASHINGTON DC – The White House staff issued a call today for “a few good cartoonists” or other quick-draw artists able to portray international issues in a form Mr Trump can easily grasp. “It’s mainly for the President’s Daily Briefing,” explained Sarah Huckabee Sanders in a hastily assembled press gaggle on the White House lawn. “PDBs need to be boiled down and then visually expressed for the president, preferably in an amusing narrative of Good versus Evil. In the end, for example, a grateful America begs Mr Trump to stop with so much winning.” Ms Sanders went on to note that the President’s PDB comic should always portray him as a super-hero de feat ing dark-skinned or slit-eye d in divid u als, preferably in ori en tal g a rments. “Oth erwise he won’t read it,” s h e noted. “Every story’s final panel should show the president socking some foreign guy in the jaw or separating him from his children. And don’t forget to draw Mr Trump’s fists extra big!” she said. Responding to a question, Sanders noted that accuracy was not the top priority. “After all, truth isn’t truth,” she observed. “Mr Trump’s gut knows what’s going on better than any of his generals. So the Adventures of Big Rocket Man, as we intend to call it, will reflect his perceptions rather than theirs. “In the first issue, for example, Iran will be por trayed as The Evil Immam In car nate, sprouting nuclear weapons and international terror. Vladimir Putin will release peace doves over Syria and Ivanka Trump, of course, will preside over the World Bank.” After a moment Sanders added: “In a minor plot line, the White House’s press secretary wins the Nobel Prize for Journalism and is swept off her feet by George Clooney. Kellyanne Conway dies of total jealousy.” Reported by Michael Egan.
Ripping the Headlines Today
By Jennifer Hollie Bowles
Catch up on previous funny Horoscope columns by Jennifer Hollie Bowles that you may have missed on the Humor Times website at humortimes.com!
12
Aspiring to the High Standards Set by Cable News
Democrats Counter-Proposal: Build a Wall Around Trump
Horoscopes for Jerks: March, 2019 Aries - Welcome Spring like the Ram you are: head-butt Persephone out of hell and tell her to sprout flowers from her feet asap!
Headline News Section
Making fun of the headlines today, so you don’t have to By Paul Lander. All you need to do is follow one simple rule: barely pay attention and jump to conclusions. So, here are some headlines today and my first thoughts: Justin Bieber was celibate for 12 months before marrying wife Hailey … although, probably not in a row. Dermatologists say Aloe Vera gel works wonders on annoying signs of aging Tried it … still want those damn kids to get off my lawn! Jeff Bezos accuses National Enquirer of attempting to blackmail him with explicit photos Damn, I’m old enough to remember when discussing Jeff Bezos’s junk was about crap sold on Amazon. ‘Dumb, nasty, choked like a dog’: So much for unity following Trump’s State of the Union address In fairness, Trump’s SOTU speech was probably much better in the original Russian! Woman arrested after punching a fellow stripper and ripping electrical meter off club’s wall It ended when someone called the pole-ice. Man’s leg catches fire after being shot with stun gun in South Philadelphia … although it’s hard to tell if he’s telling the truth about it because, ya know, ‘liar, liar, pants on fire!’
More Google employees are losing faith in their CEO’s vision Dam n t hose Googl e glasses! Virginia Gov. Northam says he once darkened his face to look like Michael Jackson in the 1980’s Man, that’s so wrong. To look like Mi chael, he should have been lightening his face. Meghan Markle’s sister is trashing her for giving bananas to sex workers Yup, I’m guessing she wants to be the only thing in Meghan’s life that’s bananas. Bud Light backtracks from its Super Bowl ads about corn syrup … but sadly, they still claim they’re selling actual beer. Jennifer Lawrence gets engaged to Cooke Maroney To any guys feeling bad, yeah, like you had a chance anyway. Liam Neeson can’t be racist because of how he kisses, says Michelle Rodriguez … but apparently, he could be French! Trump lashes out as Democrats open probes into his taxes, Russia ties … oh, Crimea River!
Read more columns by Paul Lander at humortimes.com.
HUMOR TIMES
March, 2019
Earth to Prez: Here’s a Real Emergency Ignorance of natural law is no excuse...
although it may seem like fantasy to some.
It can all be very hard to accept...
and certain people are banking on that.
They continue to waste good money on bad bets...
but progressives have a winning hand to play.
Meanwhile, Japan started whaling again...
March, 2019
and solar continues to face an uphill battle.
HUMOR TIMES
13
The State of the Union is Strange Alternative venues were considered...
among other things...
Finally, Trump’s big day came... and negotiations got rather sketchy.
of dizzying proportions. and he made it clear we face a national emergency...
with a message of unity. Then, he finished strong...
14
HUMOR TIMES
March, 2019
Mob Tactics It’s not really what the president wanted...
but he is well-connected.
The evidence is piling up...
and it looks pretty bad...
but Roger Stone is not worried.
and some well-placed hints.
March, 2019
Trump is betting on his popular appeal...
But Dems are putting people on the hot seat. (continued)
HUMOR TIMES
15
The Hightower Lowdown A Bountiful Harvest Takes Work
Even his inaugural committee is being investigated...
Campaigns end on Election Day. Movements don’t. Voting day is a time stamp for measuring our progress, and when the polls closed last Nov. 6, it was clear that the intensive organizing by grassroots groups throughout 2017-18 had paid off. But let’s not forget that it’s all the days in between elections that matter on Election Day. We’re like the farmers and gardeners who do grub hoe work through the summer for a bountiful harvest in the fall. Let’s look at what we’ve learned. Most political opinion writers assert that, with 2018 in the rearview mirror, it’s time to focus our full attention on 2020’s supercalifragilisticexpialidocious pres i den tial cam paign. Given the exigencies posed by a deranged Trump, that’s an understandable instinct, but it’s wrong — at least for those of us who want to build a durable progressive movement with the public support needed to extend democratic government throughout America. For us, 2019 is the time to focus on… 2019! Already, thousands of races for mayor, county office, school board, legislature and more are gearing up. Seeing them as inconsequential to big-picture politics, many Establishment beings scoff at these “lesser offices,” which are actually key to movement politics. They: • Hold serious power for directly improving common people’s lives; • Engender campaigns that tend to be more issue- and solution-oriented and less vulnerable to sabotage by right-wing ideologues; • (Often) have broad authority, allowing for bold policy innovations; • Are training grounds for future contenders for higher office; • Are winnable with principled, low-dollar grassroots campaigns. Indeed, these races are the essence of percolate-up politics: Build the farm team and presidents will fol low. Even more im por tant: Genuinely progressive policies will follow. November tells us which offices we won, but January started the clock on what we actually gained. After all, the movement’s goal is not just to elect good people, but to enact good public policy. From my eight-year experience as Texas agriculture commissioner (elected 1982 and again in 1986), I can attest that the second goal does not necessarily follow the first. One major pledge of my campaign, for example, was to reduce pesticide poisoning of people and the environment and to promote organic production. Upon taking office, though, I was swarmed by chemical lobbyists, the Farm Bureau, power-
but the president remains well-secured...
confident of his innocence.
JIM HIGHTOWER ful state officials, corporate media outlets and other intimidating forces of the agricultural poison complex, demanding that I “move to the middle of the road.” This furious onslaught was daunting, and my political resolve wobbled… until farmworker advocates and environmentalists confronted me. When a West Texas farmer friend scoffed, “Hell, Hightower, there’s nothing in the middle of the road but yellow stripes and dead armadillos,” that perked me up. We ral lied, pushed ahead, and achieved my campaign promise. I see three distinct steps for getting good policies from officials who mean well but might back away under pressure. We, the movement, must: 1. Go inside with those we elect, providing aggressive public support, info, staffing and expertise to shore up the progressive agenda — that lobbyists and big donors will pressure our new officials to water down — and to expose the corporate powers trying to corrupt the people’s will. 2. Confront our electeds when they drift, prodding them privately and publicly to be as bold as their promises. 3. Ride the momentum of our election victories to push — from inside and out — additional proposals for long-term structural changes to democratize America’s economic, social, and political systems. You know your community and state. You know the peo ple’s issues. You know your group’s talents and ingenuity. And you can see how progressive issues, candidates and movements are advancing! So this is no time to get sucked down into the swamp of Trumpism or surrender to bubbling right-wing fanaticism. Our task is to keep doing what brought us this far: organizing, harmonizing and mobilizing. Let’s keep at ’em, until we reach that bountiful harvest! “When I despair, I remember that all through history the way of truth and love have always won. There have been tyrants and murderers, and for a time, they can seem invincible, but in the end, they always fall. Think of it – always.” – Mahatma Gandhi
Meanwhile, Russia is hacking into more than just elections.
16
HUMOR TIMES
March, 2019
All the President’s Peops Republicans have had a hard road with Trump...
but they remain insanely loyal.
White House careers have been short-lived...
yet profitable.
and they continue to deliver for the base...
Advisors come in all shapes and sizes...
Still, there may soon come a time to re-evaluate.
while remaining vigilant of voter “fraud.”
March, 2019
HUMOR TIMES
17
Executive Time Trump maintains a grueling schedule...
accomplishing more than any president ever.
He keeps a sharp eye on his rivals...
who increasingly do likewise.
He’s not like others before him...
although he does share fundamentalist values.
nor for conventional tactics. He says he has no use for furry pets...
18
HUMOR TIMES
March, 2019
March, 2019
HUMOR TIMES
19
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