Humor Times, Dec 2019

“If the president does something dastardly, the impeachment process is available.” – Brett Kavanaugh Issue #332

December, 2019

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Editor’s Letter Happy Holidays! And I say that without malice. Really! I’m not taking a side in the “war on Christmas,” which, as you know, is ongoing – what with those evil liberals trying to force good Christian conservatives to never again be able to utter the word! As we know, that’s a big priority for the left.

Second on their depraved to-do list, of course, is to impeach a “perfect” president! How dare they listen to civil servants who have spent decades with heads down, working hard, in the service of their country for presidents of both parties. How dare Congressional Democrats perform their constitutional duty to check a president who merely was holding back military aid for an ally under attack by a foreign power that has long been hostile to the United States; for a little “favor” – heck, just a little manufactured dirt on a political rival. After all, said president was merely fighting corruption, as he has proven himself so dedicated to doing. (Except for the swamp creatures he brought into his own administration, many of whom have already gone to prison or been convicted.)

Meanwhile, defending the king – er, I mean – president, are those staunchly patriotic GOP members of Congress, who see it as their duty to put party over country, instead of wasting time upholding their oath to the Constitution. Sure, they’re railing against the very methods they used when investigating both Clintons (ie, closed-door hearings, investigations, etc), but we ain’t talking about no stained blue dress here! Nothing rising to that level of corruption!

Republicans are so serious they brought in a specialist in the person of Rep. Jim Jordan, who has direct experience with the evils of whistleblowers and the need to ignore them.

After all, he bravely ignored the meddlers who tried to warn him about the sexual assaults on dozens of athletes by a team doctor at Ohio State University when Jordan coached there from 1986 to 1994.

At least they’re consistent, always protecting the criminals from their accusers.

Anyway, here’s to an awesome New Year for you and yours, and hopefully, a new president – and many fewer hypocrites in both houses of Congress in 2020.

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– James Israel, Editor

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December, 2019

HUMOR TIMES

3

Repeal & Replace: A Four-Page Cartoon Odyssey It all started with a perfect phone call...

innocently free of any Latin.

Trump’s spokesman didn’t explain it very well though...

so the president had to make it clear himself.

The whistleblower was the bad guy, Republicans insisted... not the Three Amigos nor even the Three Stooges.

Trump asked Barr for another favor, though... but he, Bolton and Rudy where not much help. (continued)

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HUMOR TIMES

December, 2019

One strategy was to claim he simply couldn’t have done it...

because he’s been too busy taking care of business.

Another strategy was to play the victim card...

saying no president’s ever been mistreated so...

and that subpoenas are unpatriotic.

Yet another strategy was the “read the transcript” mantra...

because they figured no one would.

December, 2019

But they were running out of ideas. (continued, pg. 7)

HUMOR TIMES

5

Saint Taxes The government has it all wrong. Yeah, yeah, I know. Who’s ever heard THAT before? “This Just In: Water Is Wet.” What’s got my knickers in a big old knotted ball the size of Kobe Bryant’s ego this time around is the age-old practice of politicians balancing their financial shortsightedness on the backs of the little guy. The little BAD guy. I’m talking about sin taxes. Of which I might be secreting a bit more firsthand outrage than the rest of you guys, since I’m pretty much that little bad guy everybody is talking about.

Oh yeah, I’m bad. I eat red meat. Often. And I drink and even smoke. Not so often, but still. Not much into sweets, but make up for it with the savories. Cheetos? Doritos? Kettle Brand Salt and Fresh Ground Pepper Krinkle Cut potato chips? You betcha. And what drives me nuttier than the pecan pie shelf at a truck stop off the I-95 in Georgia is the self-righteous attitude these pillars of the community adopt while squeezing folks like me tighter than a two headed nickel in a vise grips.

We sin tax targets aren’t allowed to squawk either, because, well — we’re sinners. We’re expected to quietly cower in our greasy damp smoky donut crumb littered corner as they slap and gouge us for doing things every 4th grader knows oughtn’t be done. Like pouring stuff into our bodies that is used to wash the rust off of chrome bumpers. For cupping our hands over our ears making la la la noises whenever a nutritionist pops up on TV. And possessing less impulse control than a mountain lion in a fish market after closing time.

It may seem short-term tempting, but I’m convinced these new liquor, cigarette and sodie pop surcharges are entirely the 180 degree wrong way to go. It’s a scientific fact that we degenerate reprobates kick off early. Hardly manage to crawl our way into our sixties. Just tip right over. Every time I eat, I can hear my arteries harden. And that’s what the government should be encouraging. It’s those darn health nuts that end up lingering. They’re the ones sucking up all our Social Security and Medicare money.

So I propose; instead of sin taxes, we go the other way around entirely, and institute a series of saint taxes. Holistic tariffs. Longevity levies. You want to live forever? Fine: pay for it. First we throw an excise fee onto fresh fruit. Subsidize distilleries. French fries and cigarettes are handed out like government cheese, but every six months you are required to apply to the DMV for a license to wear a seat belt. Joggers pay tolls based on GPS readouts in their shoes. Beer drinkers receive cash rebates for every six-pack consumed and cholesterol credits can be sold or traded.

Fast food vouchers are handed out on street corners to make up for tofu being illegal and asparagus only available by prescription. Water fountains are removed from public parks and replaced

with salt licks. Possession of WILL DURST sunblock is a felony and the only place to get vitamins is from waitresses in jazz clubs.

Stress is ladled out free of charge on a regular basis by the federal government. And finally, you can waltz into any bar in the country for nothing but are charged incredible amounts of money to see a doctor. This whole paradigm shift should be easy to implement, especially when you consider those last three, are already in place. Four, depending on how loosely you define the meaning of the word “vitamins.”

D.C. Prius Minivan One of the biggest joys of the open road is its pure democracy. Bentleys and Pintos idling side by side at the same red light. Limos, BMWs, Fords and those little cars that look like they’ve been squashed between two big rigs, all subject to the same speed traps, congestion and potholes big enough to swallow locomotive engines. Valet attendants who can be reliably counted on to scrounge around gloveboxes for loose change while burning an eighth of an inch of rubber off of high end Pirellis and cheap Chinese retreads with total egalitarianism.

That is not to say that all cars are created equal. With the license comes the knowledge of which ones to avoid getting stuck behind driving uphill, cross town in traffic. Elderly drivers wearing hats rank high on the list. Tinted glass is right up there, as well as any ride sporting bass vibrations rippling the back windows. Hummers most especially, but any gas guzzling SUV with their thick headed, tank like attitude clogging our paved arterials like permanent transfusions of liquid pork fat on wheels.

Then there’s the Toyota Prius. It’s not the automobile that rankles. A sensible car. The car of tomorrow. Today! No, not the vehicle, rather the people in the drivers’ seats that make you want to drag a body out from behind the wheel and knock it in the head with giant plastic inflatable cartoon hammers and make “thunk, thunk, thunk” noises till the tolls come down. Political correctness and piloting a one and a half ton piece of sculpted steel traveling 88 feet per second go together like Little League practice and freeway median strips.

These are the same people who 30 years ago drove VW Vans, and though they now wallow in luxury options such as antennas and floorboards, their former tenuous command of the road has disintegrated badly and they appear flummoxed by this new horsepower dealie thing. Not to mention the quietude, which has to be unnerving. And isn’t it a shame these beautifully designed $25,000 MSRP Japanese machines arrived on our shores sans turn signals?

In addition, the Prius operator’s manual apparently comes folded inside some sort of secret deed granting sole possession of the entire road to the bearer. Fifty seven percent of Prius drivers say they bought the car because “it makes a statement about me.” It’s all about them. Just like D.C. politicians, they exist in a special world where everyone else is invisible. A sentiment subtly reinforced by the way they misoperate the machinery.

But we cannot in good conscious anoint the Priutics with the imprimatur of Worst Drivers on the Road. That recognition has been meritoriously earned by the countless screeching veers caused by a vast fleet of clueless Minivan drivers shifting aimlessly across our byways. Prius drivers think they ARE the Messiah, but Minivan drivers know they have been charged with the greater responsibility of shepherding many tiny, snot nosed Messiahs to and from band practice. Talk about mobile germ labs.

While Prius drivers make sane folk honk and curse and pound dashes in frustration due to turning left from the center lane and stopping for no apparent reason and refusing to turn right on red, minivan drivers will do all this, only slower AND you can’t see around them.

What I’m saying is, if Toyota ever makes a Prius Minivan, do not even think of leaving your driveway. And if you live near D.C. when that happens, you best remain parked safely in bed.

Will Durst is an award-winning, nationally acclaimed comedian, columnist, and former usher at the Pix Theater in Waukesha Wisconsin. For past columns, commentaries and a calendar of personal appearances, please visit willdurst.com.

“The genius of impeachment lay in the fact that it could punish the man without punishing the office.”

– Arthur M. Schlesinger, Jr.

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HUMOR TIMES

December, 2019

Repeal & Replace (continued) As the hearings approached, Republicans prepared...

knowing they’d have to get serious...

They brought in a guy with experience in wrongdoing...

and call out hypocrisy wherever they saw it.

and they examined the evidence carefully.

Trump said the proceedings lacked pizzaz...

while giving it their best shot. (continued) and Republicans did their best to add some...

December, 2019

HUMOR TIMES

7

Repeal & Replace (conclusion) Once the public hearings began in earnest...

Republicans challenged witnesses...

saying they were probably spies anyway.

8

McConnell promised to hold a fair Senate trial...

but said the outcome was already spelled out...

no matter what happens.

They vowed to fight on...

and live with the results. (The End ‌ of America?)

HUMOR TIMES

December, 2019

Lost Republicans enjoyed a brief moment of pride...

but the impeachment is taking a toll.

Many have decided not to stick around...

for the grand finale.

But Mitch McConnell has pledged his eternal soul...

Roger Stone remains hopeful...

and the rest are sticking with it.

December, 2019

The future of the GOP hangs in the balance.

HUMOR TIMES

9

Cartertoons • www.cartertoons.com

•

by Jon Carter

Cartertoons • www.cartertoons.com

•

by Jon Carter

‘We Report, You Decry!’

Trump: ‘Photo Evidence of Hollywood Collusion’

Headline News Section Aspiring to the High Standards Set by Cable News

Source: GOP Stormed Deposition to Protest Non-Blowjob Impeachment

Trump claims he has photographic evidence of “Hollywood collusion,” proving the Mueller hearings were “fake news.”

Donald Trump today doubled-down on his claim that the Mueller hearings were nothing more than “fake news,” producing actual photographic “evidence” of what he called “Hollywood collusion.”

“You can see right there, it’s Wilford Brimley just behind Mueller,” Trump explained, “And isn’t that Vic Tayback from TV’s ‘Alice’ behind him as well? And what about little Paul Williams there in the background? I wouldn’t even be surprised if it was DeNiro himself playing Mueller!”

Impeachment should be reserved only for high crimes and “miss demeanors,” like Miss Lewinsky, claimed invaders.

When informed that Tayback was dead Trump replied: “Good! Serves him right for making me look bad! Besides, what’s another skeleton in my closet?”

Trump also expressed his disappointment with Brimley. “I thought he was supposed to be a Quaker!” the president complained.

DeNiro, when asked to comment, simply stated that he knows Raging Bull when he sees it.

Reported by Ralph Lombard.

Donald Trump Found Playing with Toy Soldiers in the Situation Room

Surgeon General Warns: Humor Times Habit-Forming The Surgeon General warned citizens about the national humor magazine the Humor Times today, saying it was “habit forming” and could lead to serious bouts of belly-laughter, upsetting the habitually pessimistic.

“We’ve all heard the line, ‘laughter is the best medicine,’” the official said, “but is it, really? Perhaps too much of a good thing is just that – too much. Be careful out there, America.”

(Ed. note: A subscription form can be found on page 3 – use at your own risk!)

Report: President Trump Offered to Buy Greenland for ‘One Million Dollars!’

A report released Friday by the Treasury Department sheds new light on that whole buying Greenland thing floated by President Trump a few months ago.

When Republican congressmen stormed a deposition related to the impeachment hearings last month, they were objecting to the fact that Democrats were daring to impeach a president who has not received a single Oval Office blowjob, say sources with new information about GOP motives.

“This is outrageous,” exclaimed Rep. Matt Gaetz of Florida outside the view of reporters at the time. “Impeachment is an extreme option, and should only be used for serious offenses, like what that Clinton fella did!”

“The Oval Office is for things like spilling state secrets to Russian ambassadors, not for blowjobs,” he added.

“The president assured me has never gotten a blowjob anywhere in the White House, not even from his own wife!” Rep. Bradley Byrne of Alabama reportedly screamed at Rep. Adam Schiff.

Eyewitness accounts have emerged of the President playing “war” with tiny toy soldiers inside the Situation Room during the killing of ISIS leader al-Baghdadi recently.

It appeared the President was using the toy figures as a means to understand how the raid on al-Baghdadi took place, sources say. A crude drawing of the ISIS leader was found with the toys, the eyes crossed out with X’s, made with a black sharpie marker.

It is common knowledge that Trump was never allowed to play as a boy, and many believe his childish behavior in the White House is his attempt to capture a childhood denied him by his overbearing father, Fred.

12

One staffer was near the situation room when he heard loud noises coming from within.

“Die like a dog, Al Bag… Al Bagda… Al!” and “Who’s your daddy now Al?!” were some of the things he heard the President loudly boom as he appeared to be forcing one soldier upon the other in mortal combat.

The noise subsided when the staffer dropped something, alerting the President to his presence. The staffer ran down the hall before being discovered but not before he snapped photos with his personal cell phone of the President at play.

When asked to corroborate the staffer’s story, Trump’s attorney, Rudy Giuliani replied, “This isn’t the first, nor will it be the last time the President plans on mounting a war when politically necessary to avert attention away from his impending impeachment by the House of Representatives, which of course is never going to happen because it is fake news,” then sat down and butt-dialed his attorney for permission to leave the White House briefing room.

Ripping the Headlines Today Making fun of the headlines today, so you don’t have to

By Paul Lander. All you need to do is follow one simple rule: barely pay attention and jump to conclusions. So, here are some headlines today and my first thoughts: Sesame Street turns 50 So, it’s almost ready to be brought to you by the letters A, A, R and P. Kanye says he may change his name to Christian Genius Billionaire Kanye West While I’m think ing a better name would be Cra-Z!

The report cites an anonymous White House source who said President Trump suggested buying Greenland for “One Million Dollars!” after binge-watching the ‘Austin Powers’ trilogy on Netflix.

“Austin Powers is really funny. Just so very funny. That Mike Meyers is a great American, he’s truly the best actor ever,” the President was overheard saying in the wee hours of the morning.

The source also revealed that there are big disagreements and infighting within the walls of the White House. “All he does is lay around all night watching sports and silly shows, eating popcorn and ice cream. And he’s always staring at his phone. Who is so important on Twitter?

He needs to come to bed. I have needs too,” the anonymous source stated.

Reported by Jason Stapelmann.

“I’ll bet you engage in that deplorable behavior every night! You’re the one who should be impeached!”

At the time, Republicans held a sit-in to interrupt the proceedings. They ordered pizza and began to entertain each other with spoken word poetry and hippy-style dancing, say witnesses.

Chants were heard coming from inside the room, including: “No collusion, no quid pro quo! There was no blowjob, so let it go!”

“Hey, ho, Stormy’s a ho! We are here to just say no!”

“Trump is perfect, just like his phone calls; Dems get blowjobs, but have no balls!”

“Investigate Biden and his son; not The Donald for col-lu-sion!”

Reported by James Israel.

Airline pilot receives $300K for wrongful arrest after being seen naked near airport No word if his seat wasn’t the only thing in an upright position…

Breaking: Roger Stone convicted on all seven counts on charges filed in Mueller probe … so technically it was a ‘Warlock Hunt.’

Veterans celebrate Veteran’s Day across the U.S. I’m thinking veterans should get free internet.

First, it’s the least we could do. Second, how cool would it be to call it “Semper WiFi?” Trump Cabinet turnover keeps growing When Ben Carson finally wakes up at a Cabinet meeting, he isn’t going to recognize many faces.

Neil Young says U.S. citizenship application delayed by marijuana use … why the people on citizenship panel were smoking marijuana has yet to be disclosed.

Sarah Palin headed to trial in divorce battle with Todd While Putin says he could see this coming from his house.

Kremlin says impeachment hearings are “absolutely none of our business” Oh, Crimea River!

Happy 58th birthday Nadia Comaneci Proving 58 is the new perfect 10!

Rudy Giuliani discusses doing a podcast during Impeachment No word if people are going to be allowed to butt dial in to ask questions.

Justin Bieber says Popeyes’ chicken sandwich is “not worth the hype” … making it the Justin Bieber of sandwiches!

White supremacist emails from Trump Sr. Adviser Stephen Miller were released There really oughta to be a website for them called TikiLeaks.

‘Days of Our Lives’ entire cast released from contracts … but they could all come back soon as their long-lost twins…

Read more columns by Paul Lander at humortimes.com.

HUMOR TIMES

India-Pakistan Tensions Flare as Millennials Embrace Pakistani Pale Ale Amid an already fractured relationship in a nuclear standoff, tensions flared anew between Pakistan and India, reaching an all-time high.

The introduction of Pakistani Pale Ale (PPA) has soured any remaining chance for an immediate peace deal between the sister countries.

Sales of Pakistani Pale Ale have skyrocketed since the country rolled out their ultra-hoppy ale early this year. It has quickly become the country’s biggest export, thanks to fanatical beer-guzzling American millennials looking to latch on to the next big fad in beer.

To put this in perspective, in 2018, Pakistan’s two biggest imports were rice and yarn, with exports for the fledgling economy totaling just under $27 billion. In a few months, exports have swelled to $300 billion.

In fact, Pakistan’s economy is doing so well, they even offered to let India have Kashmir. Despite this conciliatory gesture, India’s economy is circling the drain as exports of its number one export, India Pale Ale, have tanked. “And therein lies the problem,” said Margaret Reed-Smith, a political history professor at the University of California, Berkeley. “Wars have been fought over precious resources like oil and water. PPA is an eminent threat to India’s long-term economic success,” the professor said.

We caught up with millennial Scott Nelson, who was sipping PPA with friends at the Floppy Hop, an artisan brewpub in downtown Seattle.

“Frost brewed, cold-filtered, and always the freshest hops, Himalayan cedar-wood aged, and handcrafted by Buddhist monks. It pairs very well with Fromage and avocado toast,” Nelson said through his talk-to-text app without looking up or making any eye contact.

Reported by Jason Stapelmann.

Probe Launched by Justice Department Careens Wildly Out of Control A probe launched by the Justice Department veered off course and slammed into houses in suburban Virginia, according to local authorities.

At approximately 2:32 PM on Friday, The Justice Department lost all communication with the probe.

Seconds later, local residents reported seeing something spinning wildly in the air. Laura Schultz was out for a jog when she witnessed the strange event. “It looked like some sort of projectile with a contrail of smoke trailing behind.”

Local firefighters on the scene said the probe damaged several homes and completely destroyed another. Fire Captain Brad Williams explained what he saw on the ground. “I love the smell of things burning. Especially leaves.

Wood and scorched earth, even better! Best part of my day!”

Luckily no injuries or deaths were reported.

“This is a very nice gated community with multi-million dollar homes. It’s mostly doctors, lobbyists, and political movers and shakers who live here. I think we can accurately assume the homeowners were on the golf course. Based on the time of day where else would they be,” Captain Williams stated.

A spokesperson with the Justice Department wouldn’t give any details on where the probe was headed but did confirm that the probe, with an estimated cost of 200 million dollars, was a complete loss.

Reported by Jason Stapelmann.

December, 2019

Stable Military Genius Trump is smarter than the generals...

and he never met a promise he wouldn’t break.

He said the Kurds were no help in the Spanish–American War...

Everyone was thanking him, he said...

especially the soldiers.

because he is the “stable genius.”

Only he can fix our foreign policy, he said...

December, 2019

and, besides, he can handle dictators.

HUMOR TIMES

13

The Replacements Establishment Dems say the field lacks what they need...

and Bloomberg took that as his cue to drop in.

He thinks he can replace that other centrist...

and save the 99% from themselves.

Some say Warren is too far left...

but she could actually be the best thing for the doubters.

Meanwhile, Hillary began to haunt the proceedings...

14

but there really is no shortage of choices. (continued)

HUMOR TIMES

December, 2019

Alternate Reality A battle is raging for the soul of the party...

Beware of electronic prying eyes (and ears)...

of secret Twitter accounts...

and over campaign financing.

The winnowing process continues...

and of more fake news, come this campaign season.

Zuckerberg says not to worry, though, he’s in control.

but many have already made up their minds.

December, 2019

HUMOR TIMES

15

The Hightower Lowdown

The Prez The president continues to impress the base...

but runs into a little push-back in the real world.

He is disgusted with litigious New York...

The Wealth Monopoly I should start this homily on inequality and the current wealth monopoly by distinguishing income from wealth. Income is your annual wages or salary, as well as your earnings from a business, pension or government benefits such as Social Security, etc.

As the average U.S. worker’s real wages have stagnated for more than a decade, income disparity has become enormous. The bottom 90% of us average $30,000 a year, while the top 0.01% and 0.001% (about 1,400 taxpayers) rake in average annual incomes of $35.1 million and $152 million, respectively.

Meanwhile, even mediocre CEOs pocket many millions a year, and the greediest Wall Street hucksters annually amass more than $1 billion in booty. Until relatively recently, the ethical standard was for workers to gain a proportionate share of the income growth we generate. But in the last dozen years, the rich have been gobbling more and more of the total income pie, so the bottom half of Americans now get only 14%.

As gross as income inequality is, though, it’s dwarfed by the lesser-known wealth disparity that has engulfed our land, mocking our egalitarian pretensions.

Wealth is your net worth, the total financial value of every asset you own: your home(s), business, stocks, cash, real estate, cars, yachts, jewels, gold, art, toys and... well, everything, minus debts.

Startling statistic: 1 in 5 Americans have zero net worth — or less. Many of us owe more than we own and, living paycheck to paycheck, can’t get ahead to build a nest egg.

More startling statistic: U.S. wealth disparity is the greatest of any advanced economy in the world, with the richest 1% holding more of our nation’s wealth than the bottom 90% of us.

Even more startling: Just three Americans — Jeff Bezos (Amazon), Bill Gates (Microsoft) and Warren Buffett (Berkshire Hathaway) — possess more personal wealth ($248 billion) than the entire bottom half. Yes, more than 165 million of us combined.

The rapidly widening divide between the rich and the rest of us is neither natural nor accidental. During the past half-century, myriad corporate and governmental decisions — from labor law to campaign finance regulations — have methodically slanted America’s economic and political systems so that money and power

JIM HIGHTOWER flow from the many to the few. The plutocrats’ most effective and least reported-on tool is America’s tax structure.

For most of us — workers, professionals, farmers, small-business folks, etc. — income taxes are generally straightforward. The rich are different. Multimillionaires and billionaires don’t usually draw the bulk of their fabulous incomes from paychecks but from their enormous financial assets, i.e., their wealth. This inherited or accumulated wealth generates “capital income” — and further wealth — with little or no work by the asset holder.

As the Center for American Progress’ excellent report “Ending Special Tax Treatment for the Very Wealthy” details, the moral basis of U.S. tax policy has been perverted since the 1980s by legislative and regulatory twists that tax work but let these massive accretions of wealth skate by virtually untouched. Thus, the ultrarich, who benefit the most from our country’s economy and infrastructure, pay the smallest proportion of their incomes to sustain it.

Today’s tax laws offer a carnival of loop-the-loops, whirligigs and other tax-free joyrides for those who’ve stockpiled capital income. For example, while you might pay the top tax rate of 37% on ordinary income, someone selling a capital asset like stock pays only 20% tax on income from that sale.

Nearly 70% of such capital gains are made

by America’s richest 1%, who reap trillions of dollars a year in savings through such special tax treatments. This windfall allows them to amass and concentrate even more of America’s wealth in their sheltered accounts and buy the political clout to push through laws that the great majority oppose — such as 2017’s Trump-McConnell trillion-dollar tax giveaway to the rich. (Facing overwhelming public opposition, the GOP wrote the bill behind closed doors, allowed no public hearings and rammed it into law on a partisan vote.)

And round and round it goes … unless and until we stop it.

saying everyone deserves privacy.

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HUMOR TIMES

December, 2019

Miscellaneous Mischief

December, 2019

HUMOR TIMES

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More Mischief

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HUMOR TIMES

December, 2019

December, 2019

HUMOR TIMES

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Jeanette Midori Okazaki, DDS, Inc. • (916) 329-3400 2525 K Street, Suite 305, Sacramento • Most insurance plans accepted www.dentalandholistichealth.com

Family Dentistry with Tender Loving Care.

Traditional dentistry with holistic options offered in a warm, caring environment.

Acupuncture • Mercury Free • Cerec Crowns Mercury Separators • GREEN Dentistry • Surgically Clean Air Acupuncture is offered for relaxation, anesthesia, pain control and healing.

Holistic Resource Referral In keeping with holistic philosophy, we begin each day with our Healing Circle. We do conscious breath-work, meditation and affirmations for our patients and ourselves to create healing, transformation and peace on our planet.