Humor Times, Jan. 2020

“You can’t steal the presidency and hold up the presidency as a shield against being held accountable for stealing the presidency.” – Former federal prosecutor Glenn Kirschner Issue #333

January, 2020

‘World’s Funniest News Source’ ®

A Monthly News Summary, as Reported by the World’s Finest Editorial Cartoonists!

Don’t Cry About the News, Laugh About It, with the Humor Times!

Makes an Awesome Gift! See page 3.

Mere ly $ 2. 98

OMNETWORKS Free your mind and the rest will follow www.aofonline.org 916-304-3796 2

A Complete Internet Solution WWW • DSL WiFi • T1/T3

Technical Support WWW.OMSOFT.COM • 530-758-0119 HUMOR TIMES

Be a Humor Times Patron!

If you believe in the cause of political humor, please consider becoming a Humor Times patron, via Patreon.com!

Help us keep the lights on and pay our monthly bills, with a small (or large!) sustaining monthly donation. Get a reward, depending on your level of support. We thank you!

www.patreon.com/humortimes January, 2020

Editor’s Letter In my opinion, the Democrats’ “impeachment-lite” strategy, as Trump himself called it, was a mistake. It seems that once again, Dems underestimated voters’ intelligence, by trying to narrow it down and “keep it simple.” This is a historical moment, and history needs to record the full smorgasbord of Trump’s high crimes and misdemeanors.

Republicans even handed the Democrats a reason to do so on a silver platter. They complained repeatedly about – well, everything, of course – but specifically that there were no “criminal” charges in the articles of impeachment. While none are needed (this is not a regular trial, abuse of office is more than enough reason to impeach), there were many that could have been included. So, since Republicans are complaining about this and about “rushing the impeachment through,” why not indulge them? Slow it down, include ALL the abuses of office.

Republicans say there’s nothing criminal in the articles of impeachment? Then call their bluff, stop the train and bring in all the outright criminal stuff. Bring in Stormy Daniels to testify about the illegal campaign expenditures paying her off. Bring in ex-trump fixer Michael Cohen from prison to talk about how he took the heat for his boss, doing the bidding of “Individual 1.” Bring up charges of anti-Constitutional violation of the Emoluments clause. Etc, etc.

Republicans charge that you’re moving too fast? Drag it out. Make ’em squirm! There’s no rush to send it to the Senate, since we all know the corrupt intent of Moscow Mitch and his gang. He said it right out loud: As the equivalent of the “jury foreman,” McConnell promised he’d collude with the defendant and his lawyers. He promised Trump would be acquitted. Since when does any juror who says he’s made up his mind before the trial begins remain seated on the jury? Especially the jury foreman!

I don’t think this rush-rush, condense-it-into-two-articles and ram-it-through strategy was a good idea. Why not let Trump and the entire GOP sweat it out right up to and beyond the election? Then at least justice would be served in one sense.

Anyway, now it goes to the promised sham show trial in Mitch McConnell’s Senate. May the New Year bring us all peace and prosperity – and true justice.

– James Israel, Editor

California Stage / Theater Creations Presents

Alex Carlbon

Charles Goldman

Dorothea Puente Tells All! An Evening with the Magnanimous, Distinguished and Noble Lady of Sacramento.

Two Innovative Californian Abstract Artists Display Their Work in the Sac. Poets Gallery

Drama Desk Award Nominee Janis Stevens portrays Dorothea Puente in California Stage’s newly commissioned play on Sacramento’s infamous boarding house murders. Researched and written over a three-year period by Mark Loewenstern, the play uncovers elements of Ms. Puente’s temperament and relationships which are not publicly known. It reaches deep into her personality and gives us new insight into a murderer who does not fit the common definition of a “Serial Killer.”

Sacramento Poets Gallery presents a show of paintings from two of California’s Abstract painters: Charles Goldman and Alex Carlbon. Their work has elicited “exciting and sometimes disturbing” reactions by viewers of shows from San Diego to Oregon.

January 10th - February 2nd in the Sacramento Poets Gallery, 1725 25th Street, Sacramento. Free admission.

®

Meet the Artists at the opening night party on Friday, January 10th 8-10PM!

First Weekend Sold Out! Tickets available for Jan. 31-Feb. 23. Runs Fridays and Saturdays at 8PM and Sundays at 2PM.

Gallery Hours: Saturday and Sunday from 1:00-5:00PM through February 2.

California Stage in the R25 Arts Complex aa 25th & R St, Midtown • Free parking available • 916-451-5822

$20 General Admission for Dorothea Puente Tells All

Help ’em laugh about the news, instead of cry about it!

$5 OFF any Gift Sub Through Dec. 31st!

Simply fill out the form on page 3, note “Holiday Discount $5 off.” A Gift Certificate will be sent to the recipient in your name, if you like. You may also order online at https://subs.humortimes.com – use “GiftHT” in the discount code box. (Discount good on U.S. domestic subscriptions only.)

The Humor Times® (ISSN 1937 299X), Vol. 29, Issue 333, is published monthly by the Humor Times, 7271 Lindale Dr, Sacramento, CA 95828. (Not our mailing address, see “postmaster.”)

Periodicals Postage Paid at Sacramento, CA and additional mailing offices. POSTMASTER: Send address changes to: Humor Times, P.O. Box 162429, Sacramento, CA 95816-2429.

Subscriptions: subs.humortimes.com. Website: www.humortimes.com.

Editor: James Israel. Publisher: Jim LeDoux. Email: info@humortimes.com.

Phone: 916-758-8255. Printed by: Herburger Publications, Galt, CA 95632.

Contributors: Steve Benson, Ruben Bolling, Bill Bramhall, Chris Britt, Jon Carter, Diane de Anda, Larry Dell, Will Durst, Michael Egan, Roger Freed, Walt Handelsman, Phil Hands, Joe Heller, Jim Hightower, David Horsey, Paul Lander, Chan Lowe, Mike Luckovich, Joel Pett, Dan Piraro, Marshall Ramsey, Rob Rogers, Harley Schwadron, Drew Sheneman, Scott Stantis, Dana Summers, Tom Toles, Roz Warren, Dan Wasserman & others.

Contributions: Send artwork/submissions to address or email above.

The Humor Times (formerly the Comic Press News) is printed on recycled paper, using at least 60% post-consumer fiber. All contents ©2020. No part may be reproduced without permission.

Out with the Old, In with the New a

Check out what’s new at a

Vic’s Ice Cream!

$2 • SAVE TWO BUCKS by ordering your subscription online! Go to humortimes.com! • $2 ALWAYS A WELCOME GIFT IDEA!!!

Name: ___________________________________________________________________

Enjoy one of dozens of fabulous flavors!

And check out our homemade soups &

Address: _________________________________________________________________ City: ______________________________________ State: ______ Zip: _____________ How did you discover us? _________________________________________________

sandwiches!

Email (helps us keep renewal notice costs down):_________________________________

Manufacturing & serving quality products for over 50 years.

Family owned & operated.

12 issues (1 year) . . . . . $24.95 12 issues/Canada . . . . . . . . . $50.95 24 issues (2 years) . . . . $47.95 12 issues/Foreign Sub. . . . . . $78.95 Trial Sub (3 issues) . . . . . $7.95 12 issues/PDF download. . . . . $9.95 Please Check if RENEWAL. Subscriber # (on label, starts w/‘S’): __________ Donation: I’d like to help the cause of political humor! $_________

Also Available at

Send check or money order payable to the Humor Times to: Humor Times, P.O. Box 162429, Sacramento, CA 95816 a

Or use your:

p Discover

p Visa

p Mastercard

p American Express

3199 Riverside Blvd.

448-0892

WILLIE’S 5050 Arden Way Fair Oaks

Card no.: ____________________________________________ Security code: ____________ (3-digit # on back, or if AX, 4-digit # on front)

Signature: __________________________________________ Exp. date: _________________ Name (as it appears on the card): _______________________________ Phone: _________________ (OR include all this info on a sheet of paper. Please allow 4-6 weeks for first issue. Phone orders: 916-758-8255.)

January, 2020

Don’t Let Your Friends Go Without…Give the HUMOR TIMES!

HUMOR TIMES

3

Impeachment: The Cartoon Odyssey Continues People who’ve worked for decades for both parties testified...

and even a guy who donated a million bucks to Trump.

The evidence kept piling up...

but Republicans pointed out noticeable absences.

The debate allowed both sides to make their case... and sitting side by side, they couldn’t be further apart.

So, Happy Holidays, America!

4

This is your government at work. (continued)

HUMOR TIMES

January, 2020

The strategies became pretty obvious early on...

with Republicans pulling out all the stops.

They played to their audience... using irrefutable logic.

Sure, they know better... but mostly, they know how to stick to the party line.

Trump did his best to end it before it began... but the House voted as predicted. (continued pg. 7)

January, 2020

HUMOR TIMES

5

A Few Predictions for 2020 Will Durst is on vacation. We’re reprinting his column from January 2018, changing a few dates.

Amazing how much still applies!

Time for a few choice words for the not-so-dearly departed year of 2019. And those words are…

“You sucked. Go away. Stay there. Keep it moving odd numbered year. Don’t linger. No dawdling.

Forget about sticking around to watch us shudder whenever the sight of something orange triggers a flashback. Bury your shadow in a deep dark cave. Forget it Jake, it’s Chinatown.”

The beginning of January is when America dons its rose-colored glasses and anticipates wondrous possibilities in the future pages of our new calendar. So now let us forecast a few of the fabulous events in store for the next twelve months. You can call them predictions, prognostications or prophecies, but here at Durstco we prefer to think of them as dead solid certain sure things.

In the year 2020: Kellyanne Conway will top the bestseller lists with a book entitled, “How to Lie Out of Both Sides of Your Two Faces Even When People are Watching.”

In response to another school shooting, the NRA calls for the closing of all schools.

Robert Mueller announces that he has discovered a secret panel in Vice President Mike Pence’s head that is directly controlled by a Siberian bear trainer.

Hillary Clinton, after 18 months of twice-daily therapy sessions, finally allows herself to let it go.

Donald John Trump continues cutting programs for the poor so rich people can have more money. Through a series of tragic financial reversals, the 45th President dies destitute.

Mitch McConnell’s face actually does freeze like that.

The Internet becomes so user-friendly, trend-setting techies find themselves superfluous and go back to being annoying nerds living in their parents’ basements.

In 2020, the airline industry is revolutionized by the introduction of discount tickets that require passengers to pedal.

Disney purchases Fox News and children in Disneyland are treated to character breakfasts with

6

their favorite right wing talk WILL DURST show hosts. Sean Hannity is especially popular as Goofy.

LeBron James is voted the best middle linebacker in the NBA. A 400-pound fat guy on a couch goes on The View to apologize for hacking the 2016 election.

Although expressing sincere regret, Joy Behar still beats him senseless with a chair leg.

The stock price of Purdue Pharma crashes, after it is revealed their new drug to combat PTSD (President Trump Stress Disorder) is simply double strength OxyContin.

After heading in multiple directions, the Democratic Party finally buys a compass and sets it to the polar opposite of Donald Trump, helplessly collapsing in a heap after taking six steps.

After Steve Bannon is dismissed, then rehabilitated in the eyes of Donald Trump 14 separate times, he secures a lucrative sponsorship deal with Duncan Yoyos.

Michael Wolff writes a best selling sequel to “Fire and Fury” called “No, Really, I’m Telling You, He’s Bat Guano Crazy.”

Every single athlete at the 2018 Winter Olympics is disqualified when tests reveal the South Korean snow is laced with sake.

Ivanka Trump polishes her Oval Office bonafides by loop watching Gary Oldman in The Darkest Hour in order to imitate his growl. Jared finds it sexy.

In the wake of a D.C. blizzard, all non-essential federal workers are encouraged to stay home and nobody in the White House reports to work. Including The Donald. No one notices.

Will Durst is an award-winning, nationally acclaimed comedian, columnist, and former usher at the Pix Theater in Waukesha Wisconsin. For past columns, commentaries and a calendar of personal appearances, please visit willdurst.com.

HUMOR TIMES

January, 2020

Impeachment Odyssey (conclusion) Now it’s all up to the Senate...

where McConnell promised his buddy a “fair” trial.

whatever that may be from their point of view.

Americans hope for the best...

where the actors know their parts well.

Sure, it seems like an act...

lest corruption become simply business as usual.

But something had to be done...

January, 2020

HUMOR TIMES

7

Goose Nearly Cooked Greta Thunberg was recognized by Time...

but time is running out.

If only Earth’s creatures could take action...

maybe then the people would notice.

before it’s too late.

We have to stand up to environmental crimes...

and U.S. leadership has gone up in smoke.

But the world seems stuck in the past...

8

HUMOR TIMES

January, 2020

Auditioning for the Top Job Democratic voters are having a hard time...

but Joe Biden says it’s easy.

He’d like to take us back to a simpler time...

with sayings that prompt a reply of “OK, Boomer!”

So, in strode Daddy Big Bucks...

who’s got his own past to get past.

Or is he simply on a secret mission?

At least Dems can agree on one thing.

January, 2020

HUMOR TIMES

9

Cartertoons • www.cartertoons.com

•

by Jon Carter

Cartertoons • www.cartertoons.com

•

by Jon Carter

‘We Report, You Decry!’

New Research Suggests Radio Listeners Don’t Want Variety: Only ‘Stairway to Heaven’ & ‘You Shook Me All Night Long,’ Played All Night Long

By Jason Stapelmann New research suggests radio listeners don’t want any variety at all. The report, which was distributed to more than 1,000 radio stations early this week, states listeners only want to hear Led Zeppelin’s ‘Stairway to Heaven’ and AC/DC’s ‘You Shook Me All Night Long’ played back to back, over and over again, with no other songs in between.

Mike Shannon, Program Director at 97.5 The Rock of The Rockies, isn’t at all surprised.

“Just the other day I finished playing ‘You Shook Me All Night Long’ on the air, and a bunch of drunk women called and requested ‘You Shook Me All Night Long.’

When I told them I just played it they said, ‘it’s our birthday play it again.’

Adam Konkel, who participated in a music research focus group led by Jacobs Media, explained the process of selecting the music that thousands of radio stations will now be playing in the coming year.

“They sat about a hundred or so of us down in a really nice banquet room, fed us pizza and beer, played some songs, and asked us to fill out our opinion of the songs we like to hear. They only gave us 3 options on our little survey, ‘Stairway to Heaven,’ ‘You Shook Me All Night Long,’ and all the above. Since I have listened to ‘Stairway to Heaven’ 72,133 times since 1998, I felt I might want to hear something else occasionally, so I selected all the above,” Konkel stated.

Truth is, the research must be correct, as 100% of Americans listen to the radio every week according to media research firm Nielsen. That’s more than people watch television, use a smartphone or use a computer, according to Nielson’s website.

“With 2 out of 2 people admitting they listen to the radio, that would mean 100% of Americans listen to the radio,” said a Nielsen spokesperson.

Trump to Open Luxury ‘Fat-Farm’ Resort in N. Korea

By Ralph Lombard Donald Trump today announced plans for a luxury “fat-farm” vacation property in North Korea. The Donald J. Trump “Yu-Dang-Dung” Fat-Farm Hotel and Resort will feature cutting-edge North Korean weight loss techniques, as well as nightly bingo and laser karaoke.

“I first got the idea when I visited North Korea,” Trump explained, “I noticed that none of the people there were fat, and I thought what a great thing! When I asked Kim about it he told me that it has a lot to do with diet, especially what North Koreans don’t eat. Like food.”

“I also noticed that North Koreans seem a lot happier than most Americans,” the president continued, “They complain a lot less and don’t ask so many questions. I think we could all learn a lot from North Korea’s example!”

The grand-opening is scheduled for April 1st, Trump Celebration Day. Seminars and activities will include forced debt marches, interactive re-education therapy and “sweathousing” to the oldies. For a small extra fee you can also have your brain washed, fried and molded.

Reservations are now being accepted for this “once-in-a-lifetime all-inclusive multi-star vacation” which Trump boasts will be “the last resort you’ll ever need!”

12

Headline News Section Aspiring to the High Standards Set by Cable News

Trump Demands People Magazine’s 2019 ‘Sexiest Man Alive’ Award

By Michael Egan WASHINGTON DC – President Donald J. Trump demanded today that People magazine revoke its 2019 “Sexiest Man Alive” award to singer John Legend, and instead confer it on him.

“So ridiculous,” Trump tweeted from his Golden Throne early this morning, after ten or fifteen attempts at flushing.

“Legend or Leg End or whatever it is,” he twot, “John needs to work on his Anger Management problem which a lot of people are saying he’s got. Believe me, it’s a disgrace. Sad!” Trump added: “But if Li’l Johnny Legend wants to see a real Sexiest Man Alive, he and a friend, if he has one, should go to an old-fashioned Make America Great Again movie like Rocky’s Eleven, starring me! So chill, Li’l Johnny, chill!”

“Yeah, a lotta people don’t know this,” the President later yelled at a reporter before board-

ing Marine One, “but they photoshopped Sylvester Stallion’s head on my body in those Rocky movies so that he looked good getting sick of winning, after being so unfairly treated by the other side.”

The President stretched out his arms in a familiar gesture. “However, not so much luck for that other guy, Stallion, right? I mean in real life he didn’t do so well in the Nielson ratings, right? I mean that Brigitte or Bigtits or whatever she’s called dumped him, right?

Adrienne!

Adrienne! Well, she never dumped me!”

Later in the day Michelle Obama unexpectedly responded to Trump’s “Legendary” tweet, encouraging the sexy singer/actor to be his sexiest self possible.

“Don’t let anyone dim your light,” she twittered. “Like the dudes Barack and I have met in hoods all over the world, when he goes low, we need to go even lower. Fuck Trump!”

Kellyanne Conway Defends Historical Presidential Scandals

By Evan Helmlinger Kellyanne Conway, a senior adviser to President Trump, yesterday defended nearly two centuries of presidential scandals during an interview with Sean Hannity.

Throughout the meandering 20 minute interview, Conway took time to defend scandals that have plagued past administrations in what Hannity later described as “a long overdue attempt to set the record straight, a record controlled by the Deep State.”

“Democratic criticism of this president is the worst presidential harassment in American history!” said Conway. “But this is nothing new.

Andrew Johnson was unfairly impeached – impeached, Sean – for firing his Secretary of War. Sure, Congress had just passed a law saying it was illegal for him to do that. But that was a phony law. Any real American would see that it was a perfect firing. Perfect!”

When pressed about how far back this level of harassment has existed, Conway pointed to the election of John Quincy Adams, the 6th president of the United States.

“In that election, the House had to step in to decide the president. It was unusual, but Adams won fair and square. Still, the Democrats accused him of a quid pro quo. They said Adams gave the Secretary of State job to [Speaker of the House] Henry Clay in exchange for Clay’s help swaying votes. I mean, yeah, that may have happened, but so what? The American people want their president to be a dealmaker. The best presidents have all been dealmakers!”

Hannity concluded by asking Conway about Nixon’s conduct, to which she responded bluntly, “The Democrats should’ve thanked Nixon. He was a true whistleblower for exposing obvious security failures at Watergate.”

Ripping the Headlines Today Making fun of the headlines today, so you don’t have to

By Paul Lander. All you need to do is follow one simple rule: barely pay attention and jump to conclusions. So, here are some headlines today and my first thoughts: Walmart Canada pulls ‘Let It Snow’ Christmas sweater featuring a cocaine-using Santa Well, at least, we now know how Santa gets all that energy!

Kourtney Kardashian swears by apple cider vinegar for healthy hair …while the rest of us just swear at Kourtney.

Chick-fil-A to end donations to Christian charities after LGBT backlash No word if they plan to commemorate the event with a new sandwich the Chick on Chick-Fil-A. Trump meets Russian envoy Lavrov at White House during Washington visit Not surprising Lavrov was at the White House; it’s probably that time of the year to change the batteries in the bugging devices.

The wife of Papa John’s founder John Schnatter has filed for divorce Ironically, those Dominoes keep falling.

‘Aladdin’ spinoff featuring Prince Anders in the works at Disney What a relief. At first, I read ‘Prince Andrew’… who no Disney Princess would be safe around.

Trio drives from New York to Los Angeles in 27 hours, setting new Cannonball Run record Woulda been 12 hours but, y’know the 405…

Michael Bloomberg Campaign Strategy Revealed: Become Trump’s Evil Twin

By Matt Nagin Michael Bloomberg, the latest entry into the 2020 race, kicked off his campaign with a stop in Norfolk, Virginia. On hand was a small, incredibly lukewarm crowd of quasi-supporters, most of whom were paid to attend.

As supporters entered the facilities, they were searched extensively by local police.

Bloomberg, watching this process from the stage, remarked, “I’ve already apologized for ‘Stop and Frisk.’ That said, at campaign events, it’s an absolute necessity.” At that, the only three African-Americans in attendance were promptly dragged off to jail.

Bloomberg faces an uphill battle in the polls.

“It’s not a problem,” he said. “Worst case, I’ll buy the fans I need. A billion here, a billion there. When you’ve got 54 billion, the fact that everyone hates your goddamn guts can’t stand in your way.”

As for what differentiates him from other Democratic hopefuls, Michael Bloomberg feels only he can stop the menace that is Donald Trump. “It’s amazing Trump was ever elected.

What are his qualifications? That he’s a billionaire? Please!”

Many questions followed this statement, and Bloomberg found it increasingly challenging to differentiate himself from Trump. Indeed, the more he spoke, the more he sounded like Trump’s evil twin.

He gasped, he stammered; incessantly, he seemed to clutch for straws. “At least I won’t be on Twitter all day,” Bloomberg said, finally.

Top Televangelists Abandon Trump, Endorse 2nd ISIS Caliph: Here’s Why.

By Wallace Runnymede The recent death of the ISIS caliph has shaken the world. Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi is likely to remembered for a long time as a flamboyant and highly controversial figure who is widely known for his alternative music (grand) wizardry and mildly idiosyncratic religious views, not to mention his somewhat unusual sexual proclivities.

Man who ate $120,000 banana at art show says “I’m not sorry” … although he did experience sickness because that banana was too rich for his blood…

Elizabeth Hurley names Matthew McConaughey as her best on-screen kiss Well, ‘alright, alright, alright…’

Harvey Weinstein appears in NYC courtroom using walker No, not a street walker, an actual walker.

National Enquirer honcho David Pecker has met with New York prosecutors investigating Trump Better headline: Trump gets shaft from Pecker.

Jessica Biel reportedly pushed Justin Timberlake to issue public apology Somebody went from N’Sync to N’the Doghouse.

Teri Hatcher dons a bikini and opens up about fitness and having body confidence at age 55 Apparently, they’re still “real and spectacular!”

Denuclearization is off the table in negotiations with the United States, North Korea’s ambassador to the United Nations says … sounds like Kim heard Trump was running around with hotter, Junger Un…

Read more columns by Paul Lander at humortimes.com.

HUMOR TIMES

But time moves on, and there’s a new chopper on the block…

Abu Ibrahim al-Hashimi al-Qurayshi!

And he’s already got some new support from other prominent religious figures globally.

Shrivelled old sack of crazy serpent venom Pat Robertson says: “There is simply no way on earth the Lord can return, unless Israel be finally destroyed. Now this is not ME saying it, it’s… it’s, it’s the LORD himself! Until someone finally commits some kind of evil, of a terrible crime and that destroys Jerusalem and commits all kind of horrible atrocities, the return of the Lord God almighty will be deferred indefinitely! I’m about ready for Jesus to come back, and to finish this old wicked world once and for all! And if that means adopting the new ISIS caliph as another Cyrus, well so be it!

Rumors the ISIS caliph is less than enamored with his new allies remain to be confirmed. Some think these new endorsements are something of a millstone around his neck…

I suppose we’ll just have to wait and see.

Originally published on Glossy News.

January, 2020

Balalaikas Ringing Out It seemed like a Christmas miracle to Trump...

as Putin had his GOP all singing the same tune.

“Some people” have been saying some things...

things that are just “perfect.”

they all see it the same.

But no matter what comes to light...

and now Putin is riding high.

Trump took them as far as he could...

January, 2020

HUMOR TIMES

13

All the President’s Men Trump hires the best people...

who possess special qualifications...

But his best hire was his personal lawyer...

and are willing to work overtime.

masquerading as the people’s top attorney.

He’s going to get to the bottom of the bottom of it...

no matter how much heat he takes...

14

or where it leads.

HUMOR TIMES

January, 2020

Family Affair

Party of Lincoln Trump

Trump passed “phase one” of his physical with flying colors...

Republicans continue to support the prez...

becoming ever-more convinced... while his kids continued their education...

and his wife continued to monitor the internet.

of their Dear Leader’s innocence.

Meanwhile, Donald stayed busy.

And yet, many are heading for the exits.

January, 2020

HUMOR TIMES

15

The Hightower Lowdown

World Stage Trump was on hand to help NATO celebrate...

and turns out, he was quite entertaining.

But when the going gets tough...

‘Tax the Rich’ Is No Longer Just a Political Slogan There’s nothing inevitable about inequality.

It’s an injustice that the moneyed powers and their political hirelings have chosen. We the People can choose a brighter path, one that bends toward justice, starting with a wealth tax such as Sen. Elizabeth Warren’s plan to apply a 2% per annum wealth tax only to net worth over $50 million and another 1% to households worth more than a billion bucks.

But how can we best the billionaires who buy the political clout to push through laws that the great majority opposes (such as 2017’s Donald Trump-Mitch McConnell trillion-dollar tax giveaway to the rich) and best their brawny political blockers? Not by going around them but by pushing right through them.

First, years of rank avarice and arrogance have caught up with the superrich and their enablers, turning “billionaire” into a synonym for “thief” and focusing rising public anger on the inequality they’ve fostered.

Second, that anger has generated a stunning level of popular enthusiasm for the wealth tax.

A New York Times survey found that 6 in every 10 Americans favor Sen. Warren’s plan: • 75% of Democrats • 57% of independents • Wow! 51% of Republicans Third, not all billionaires are jerks. Eli Broad, a former union auto worker who built two Fortune 500 corporations, is a leader among a small group of superrich Americans who believes “it’s time for those of us with great wealth to commit to reducing income inequality, starting with the demand to be taxed at a higher rate than everyone else.” He says: “The old ways aren’t working, and we can’t waste any more time tinkering around the edges… I have watched my wealth grow exponentially thanks to federal policies that have cut my tax rates while wages of regular people have stagnated and poverty rates have increased… A wealth tax can start to address the economic inequality eroding the soul of our country’s strength. I can afford to pay more, and I know others can too.

What we can’t afford are more shortsighted policies that skirt big ideas, avoid tough issues and do little to alleviate the poverty faced by millions of Americans. There’s no time to waste.”

In June, 20 other extremely rich Americans sent an open letter to all 2020 presidential can-

JIM HIGHTOWER didates, declaring: “America has a moral, ethical and economic responsibility to tax our wealth more… (W)e’re joining the majority of Americans already supporting a moderate wealth tax. We ask that you recognize its strong merit and popular support, and advance the idea to tax us a little more.”

So far, most of the Democrats have promised to do just that if elected, with Sen. Bernie Sanders and Warren supporting game-changing tax plans that would shift significant wealth to benefit the poor and middle class. No word from Trump.

“Tax the Rich” is no longer just a political slogan; it’s a national necessity and a moral imperative. And, at long last, it’s actually within our reach. The bulk of billionaires and their right-wing political networks will fight furiously against even the idea that our society should strive for tax fairness. Indeed, their hubris is so extreme that they’re already clamoring for Trump and GOP senators to hand them some $200 billion more in tax cuts this year. But, as columnist Paul Krugman has observed, “they do so more or less in secret, presumably because they realize just how unpopular their position really is.”

More insidious are the out-of-touch establishment pundits and milquetoast Democrats who are aloof from the growing public anger at the raw unfairness of today’s system. They blandly propose small and slow baby steps, policies that would close a couple of tax loopholes without disturbing the basic structure of inequality. If the meek ever inherit the earth, these people will be land barons!

The stakes are enormous, for this is not finally about arcane tax matters but a struggle for America’s essential egalitarian idea that we’re all in this together. The proposal for a bold, unabashedly progressive wealth tax is a rallying cry for grassroots rebels to join forces and work together to reassert America’s historic democratic promise.

the thin-skinned get going.

16

HUMOR TIMES

January, 2020

Miscellaneous Mischief

January, 2020

HUMOR TIMES

17

More Mischief

18

HUMOR TIMES

January, 2020

January, 2020

HUMOR TIMES

19

Jeanette Midori Okazaki, DDS, Inc. • (916) 329-3400 2525 K Street, Suite 305, Sacramento • Most insurance plans accepted www.dentalandholistichealth.com

Family Dentistry with Tender Loving Care.

Traditional dentistry with holistic options offered in a warm, caring environment.

Acupuncture • Mercury Free • Cerec Crowns Mercury Separators • GREEN Dentistry • Surgically Clean Air Acupuncture is offered for relaxation, anesthesia, pain control and healing.

Holistic Resource Referral In keeping with holistic philosophy, we begin each day with our Healing Circle. We do conscious breath-work, meditation and affirmations for our patients and ourselves to create healing, transformation and peace on our planet.