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April, 2020
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April, 2020
Editor’s Letter
California Stage & EMH Productions Present
Vote Blue, No Matter Who! A lot of Bernie supporters are feeling blue right about now. So blue, many say they won’t vote blue! How anyone living in the real world – and seeing the consequences of the last election – could feel that way, I don’t know. If you truly want the change you say you’re fighting for, you must first realize that change in the real world happens slowly. Being disappointed at the Dem candidate is no reason for us not to do our best to continue to try and steer the huge, clumsy ship of state back our way, even if incrementally. Bernie Sanders has done the country, and even the world, a great favor, by popularizing positions here that were once unthinkable in the United States. Allowing Trump to continue tearing down our democracy will only waste that effort. Instead, like an advancing Army of Good, we need to hold our ground and live to fight another day. When polled on the individual issues, the public says it is overwhelmingly in favor of the positions Sanders espouses. The paradox is illustrated nicely by a cartoon on page 14 by Joel Pett. People are ready for Medicare for All, because they know it’s absurd that we are the only industrialized democracy left on earth without some form of it. In fact, the coronavirus crisis tragically highlights the shortcomings of our current for-profit health insurance system. Likewise, people can see it’s insane to put students in deep debt to start out their professional lives. And again, they see great examples across the ocean of countries that educate their youth through college for free (or for comparatively little). It’s obvious to most that education is an important investment in the country itself – it will only help us compete in the world economy to have an educated workforce, unencumbered by massive debt. People know intuitively that the massive wealth inequality we now have is extremely destructive to democratic principles, and creates a class – the “billionaire class,” as Senator Sanders calls it – that wields far too much power for an unelected group of people. We may as well go back to the days of lords and kings, if that’s the society we’re going to manifest. Yes, the majority of people agree with we progressives, they just don’t quite get that to make real change, you may have to go out of your comfort zone. Change can be scary, and people tend to feel safer with the devil they know. But times are changing. Look over the past few decades for plenty of evidence of it. Civil rights, gay rights, women’s rights, cannabis legalization, environmental laws, etc, etc. Things are changing, and we can’t just get frustrated and throw in the towel, thereby letting an authoritarian despot take root and destroy our chances at finishing this slow revolution. So, indeed, we must “Vote Blue, No Matter Who” and then work to lobby our elected leaders to implement the change we need so badly. – James Israel, Editor P.S. Enjoy our 29th Anniversary Issue, and please support the Humor Times in any way you can, to help us survive and thrive. Our Patreon account is a great way to do that (see ad, page 2), subscriptions for yourself and others is another. Of course, donations are gladly accepted!
Two Thrilling Radio Dramas Before a Live Audience!
BROKEN!
This new play by local playwright Elise Marie Hodge follows an astronaut after returning to earth from the Space Station. He witnesses a mass shooting and loses touch with his humanity. He moves in next to a woman who is housebound and has spent too much time alone: Is romance possible between these two walled-off humans? Playwright: Elise Marie Hodge • Producer: Ray Tatar • Director: Maggie Upton • Actors: Dan Fagan, Elise Marie Hodge Reservations: 916-451-5822, Mon-Fri 10AM to 5PM, or online at CalStage.org. $20 General Admission. NEW DATES:
A top-notch cast of local stage stars is returning to our studio theatre at California Stage, bringing two interesting and spinetingling crime stories. Presented back-to-back, each of these stories involves a threatened inheritance, a big swindle, and two murders. It will take two heavyweight detectives to solve these mysteries:
Lies, Love and Loyalty and No Time for Murder Reservations ($10 each) are required, as seating availability is limited: 916-451-5822, Mon-Fri 10AM to 5PM, or online at CalStage.org. NEW DATES:
Thurs, Fri & Sat 8:00 PM, Sun 2:00 PM
Sat., May 16th, 8PM & Sun., May 17th, 2PM
in the California Stage Theater
in the Wilkerson Theater
May 14 - June 7
California Stage & Wilkerson Theater in the R25 Arts Complex aa 25th & R St, Midtown • Free parking available • 916-451-5822
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Congrats, Humor Times on 29 Years! www.editorialand politicalcartoon.com The Humor Times® (ISSN 1937 299X), Vol. 29, Issue 336, is published monthly by the Humor Times, 7271 Lindale Dr, Sacramento, CA 95828. (Not our mailing address, see “postmaster.”) Periodicals Postage Paid at Sacramento, CA and additional mailing offices. POSTMASTER: Send address changes to: Humor Times, P.O. Box 162429, Sacramento, CA 95816-2429. Subscriptions: http://subs.humortimes.com. Website: www.humortimes.com. Editor: James Israel. Publisher: Jim LeDoux. Email: info@humortimes.com. Phone: 916-758-8255. Printed by: Herburger Publications, Galt, CA 95632. Contributors: Steve Benson, Ruben Bolling, Bill Bramhall, Chris Britt, Jon Carter, Diane de Anda, Larry Dell, Will Durst, Michael Egan, Roger Freed, Walt Handelsman, Phil Hands, Joe Heller, Jim Hightower, David Horsey, Paul Lander, Chan Lowe, Mike Luckovich, Joel Pett, Dan Piraro, Marshall Ramsey, Rob Rogers, Harley Schwadron, Drew Sheneman, Scott Stantis, Dana Summers, Tom Toles, Roz Warren, Dan Wasserman & others. Contributions: Send artwork/submissions to address or email above. The Humor Times (formerly the Comic Press News) is printed on recycled paper, using at least 60% post-consumer fiber. All contents ©2020. No part may be reproduced without permission.
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April, 2020
HUMOR TIMES
3
Coronavirus: A Cartoon Odyssey The president says he got an early start on the crisis...
and put only the best people on the job.
He bragged that doctors are impressed with his smarts... That earned him a lot of praise from his biggest fans.
and all the scientists support him.
and took lessons from recent emergencies...
4
He put his most knowledgeable expert in charge...
as he continued to keep America informed. (continued)
HUMOR TIMES
April, 2020
Testing became a top priority...
but only after self-quarantining the idea for a while.
as tests finally come on line.
Hospitals are just trying to keep up...
Trump tried hard to put the best face on the situation...
Despite being exposed, he said he was fine...
April, 2020
and his team kept him prepared.
but announced a plan for quarantines. (continued)
HUMOR TIMES
5
The Jerry Duncan Show Interviews Joe Biden and Bernie Sanders
Don’t Let Your Friends Go Without …
Give the HUMOR TIMES today!
6
By Dean Kaner Wherein our intrepid talk radio show host, fresh off his live stage show in NYC, interviews Senator Bernie Sanders and Vice President Joe Biden. ANNOUNCER: Live from under a rock in your backyard, it’s The Jerry Duncan Show. SENATOR BERNIE SANDERS: Feel the Bern. JERRY: Give me the microphone, you idiot. JERRY: Is it a good morning? We’ll soon find out. Today my guests are Senator Bernie Sanders and Vice President Joe Biden. Good morning, fellas. VICE PRESIDENT JOE BIDEN: I want to give a shout out to Pete Buddaduda, Boot the gig. Oh hell, Mayor Pete. For endorsing me as president. And Senator Amy Klobuchar for delivering the state of Minnesota. SANDERS: It’s so cold there that everyone goes to the ice arena just to warm up. Big whoops. I won California. BIDEN: The only difference between the Titanic and California is that when the Titanic sank the lights were still on. JERRY: Bernie. You believe in Medicare for all. Joe. You say we should have a public option, but people can stay on their own health plan. What will all this cost the American taxpayer? SANDERS: Not a nickel more than they are paying now. In fact, it will cost less and save 69,000 lives a year. We would spend $3 trillion dollars or about $460 billion less a year. BIDEN: Did you get that figure out of MAD magazine? Look. It would be fiscally irresponsible, because you would have to raise taxes on the middle class. The Medicare bill would cost $3 to $4 dollars over a decade. I mean $300 to $400 a decade. I meant $30 to $40 trillion a decade. SANDERS: Let me tell you a short story. JERRY: The show is only an hour, Bernster.
HUMOR TIMES
SANDERS: I’ll make it quick. When I was a young boy. J E R R Y: George Washing to n was president. SANDERS: Excuse me. I did n’t in terBernie Sanders and Joe Biden, caricatures by rupt you. DonkeyHotey, flickr.com. B I D E N : That’s a first. Congratulations. SANDERS: When I was a young boy. My father rushed me to the hospital for a tonsillectomy. The doctor removed my tonsils then put them back when he found out my old man couldn’t pay the bill. Thank goodness our neighbor had pliers. That’s why I’m fighting for Medicare for all. JERRY: Don’t you think it’s strange that you two fellas and Trump are in your 70’s? BIDEN: Here’s the deal. Trump doesn’t dye his hair. He’s just prematurely orange. SANDERS: Joe has hair plugs. BIDEN: I do not, Professor Numb Nuts. SANDERS: Sorry, Joe. I was trying to score points. JERRY: Bernster. If you lose the primaries next Super Tuesday, it’s over. SANDERS: I’ll win Florida. The Bubbies love me. They think I’m Larry David. BIDEN: I got Arizona in the bag. The only state where the thermostat says “hell.” SANDERS: And I’ll win the rest of the primary states. BIDEN: You’re dreaming. But look. Why are we arguing with each other? We need to focus on the Trumpster. SANDERS: I agree. There’s a shortage of toilet paper in America. What’s Trump going to do without it? He’s full of shit. BIDEN: I know Trump has di ar rhea of the m out h. God onl y knows what comes out of his rear. SANDERS: KFC and McDonal ds . F l u sh hard, Don ald. It’s a l ong way to Mar-A-Lago. BIDEN: Vote for Joe Biden. “The lean, mean gaff machine.” SANDERS: Vote for Bernie Sanders.”Still crazy af ter all these years.” JERRY: T h e r e ’s a message on my phone. Donald Trump just declared the Corona Beer plant the epicenter of the coronavirus. Wait, there’s more! He called up the National Guard to quarantine Corona, California. The man is a stable genius. SANDERS: Ge nius? There’s a fine line between genius and insanity. Trump erased the line. I’m the real genius. People tell me I look like Albert Einstein. BIDEN: You’re no genius. I heard you went to Walgreens and complained to the manager that the walls weren’t green. SANDERS: Yes, I did. It’s deceptive advertisi ng. Wa l g r e e n s, i f you’re listening. Lower your drug costs! I’ve been buying Viagra for my sunburn. It doesn’t cure it, but keeps the sheets off my legs at night. JERRY: See you tomorrow everyone.
April, 2020
Coronavirus (continued) The effects of the virus are widespread...
and stock market losses are hitting hard.
The top priority is health, of course...
and no one feels that deeper than Trump.
trying to find supplies. Meanwhile, the nation was brought to its knees...
as we look for positive takeaways. (continued) Major adjustments are being made...
April, 2020
HUMOR TIMES
7
Coronavirus (continued) As a nervous nation awaits authoritative word...
people are making do.
It won’t be easy...
but we’re going to have to adjust.
If only we could have faith in our gov’t & health system...
but that day still seems a long way off.
but call it what you want, if you just help. (continued) Dismissing a tough problem as a “hoax” doesn’t help...
8
HUMOR TIMES
April, 2020
Coronavirus (conclusion)
Justice Served
So, it’s up to all of us to self-quarantine...
Weinstein started serving phase one of his sentence...
get care if we need it...
and it’s curtains for him.
make the right choices...
He felt taken advantage of...
and take care of each other.
April, 2020
but is now in good company.
HUMOR TIMES
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Cartertoons • www.cartertoons.com
•
by Jon Carter
Cartertoons • www.cartertoons.com
•
by Jon Carter
‘We Report, You Decry!’
Paltrow Launches GOOP University By Diane de Anda Gweneth Paltrow’s latest endeavor is the launching of GOOP University. The first order of business at GOOP U will be to award Paltrow with an honorary M.D. and Ph.D., and install her as the President of the university, based on the qualifications of those degrees.
The university will have three majors: Business, Pseudo-Science and Gwenethology. Among the courses that will be offered for business majors are: 1) How to turn bullshit into profit; 2) Scamming on the internet, 3a) How to avoid the FDA , 3b) What to do if caught by the FDA, and finally, 4) How to create a cult following (step one: become a celebrity). Courses for majors in pseudo-science include: 1) detoxing using the mold in your shower; 2) cat box aromatherapy; and 3) pseudo-science home laboratory. The last course requires the students to collect naturally growing plants (i.e. weeds) in local fields or their back yard and combine them in their kitchens with household solvents and other “creative” elements in their cupboards to create a new face cream. Students must apply this cream to their faces for one week, and those whose face does not break out in a rash, crack, or bleed will pass the course. If the cream results in a gentle peeling of a layer of skin, the student will receive an A+ grade for creating an exfoliant after signing all rights of the product to Paltrow. The most popular major is expected to be Gwenethology. All courses will be taught by Paltrow herself, with the objective of having students absorb as much Gweneth essence as possible. Weird Al Yankovic will be composing the school’s anthem. The school crest will feature a rendition of Botticelli’s Venus, with a naked Paltrow emerging from a large shell. Students will graduate with a BBS, a Bachelorette of BS degree.
Donald Trump to Divorce Melania, Elope with Nancy Pelosi
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Aspiring to the High Standards Set by Cable News
Contagious Coronavirus Victim Touring the USA in His Chevrolet After calling others weak and lazy for hitting the airports, he says he’ll “Do it the hard way.” By Dave Richards ATLANTA – Just days after a Jet Blue passenger was banned from the airline for knowingly flying the friendly skies while contagious, another coronavirus victim is taking a different approach. After testing positive, Peter Johnson is planning to tour the USA in his Chevrolet. “Spreading this by way of airports and cruise ships is taking the easy way out. And don’t even get me started on international flights, those are for the truly lazy,” Johnson said as he was getting ready to leave his Atlanta home. “I’m going to roll up my sleeves and do this the hard way. I will be shaking hands and kissing babies from
here to LA.” Johnson won’t be traveling alone either. He has hired three tractor-trailer drivers to follow him on his cross-country adventure. “Yep, we will be hitting every store in sight. I’m going to pack those trucks full of bottled water, just in case the earth runs out of water. Toilet paper, toothpaste, and cans of tuna are on the list too,” Johnson stated. When asked whether he will be distributing his supplies to those who need them, he scoffed at the idea. “Heck no, it’s every man for himself. I’m going to be stocked up for 30 years. And those smelly truck drivers who will be following me are on their own.”
Mike Pence Plans Gigantic National Exorcism to Combat Coronavirus By Michael Egan WASHINGTON DC – Vice-President Mike Pence, Donald Trump’s Coronavirus Czar, said today that “in practice, there is no difference between a virus and a demon. It’s just a matter of terminology.” “You can play around with words if you like, but so far as I’m concerned, Coronovirus is just a fake-news liberal term for Demonic Possession. The Holy Bible tells us how to deal with that. The so-called scientists can just shut up,” he said. Pence added that his Holy Plan to defend America included “a gigantic national exorcism” set for the early spring. “In one mighty stroke,” he said, “all the Coronavirus Demons will be driven into a troop of squealing pigs just like Jesus did with the Gadarene Swine. Of course, this time I’ll be the Jesus.” The ritual would take place on the shore so that the possessed porkers would have a sea to rush into, and will be scheduled “as soon as we can get enough pigs together.” Evangelical Pastor Jim Bakker was among the first Men of God to welcome the Vice President’s initiative. He said that in support his Holy Ministry would be offering worshipers commemorative strips of “high-quality Canadian Jesus Bacon” for only $45.00 each, $89.50 for
Image by DonkeyHotey, flickr.com.
two. After a “communion-like ingestion,” purchasers would be inundated with “tons of money” and “granted life-long immunity from all Demonic Viruses, foreign and domestic. Postage and handling not included.” The Reverend Franklin (“Please don’t call me Billy”) Graham noted that driving out of the Coronavirus demons would be a “spine-tingling” fulfillment of the President’s “amazing” prediction that the Demons would eventually “miraculously disappear.” Franklin said he believed this would become known as Trump’s Third Miracle, after his amazing survival of the Mueller Report and the failed impeachment. Paula White, Trump’s Spiritual Advisor, simply demanded that everyone send her all their money.
Ripping the Headlines Today Making fun of the headlines today, so you don’t have to By Paul Lander. All you need to do is follow one simple rule: barely pay attention and jump to conclusions. So, here are some headlines today and my first thoughts: AMC says it will reduce seating capacity at its auditoriums by 50% starting Saturday And, a special thank you to “Cats” for starting this trend.
By Ted Holland An intercepted communique from the Schnotzelvakain Secret Service revealed a scenario in which current United States President Donald Trump is planning to divorce his wife Melania and elope to Schnotzelvakia with political rival and secret squeeze Nancy Pelosi. Plans call for the President and Mrs. Pelosi to secretly fly from Dubuque, Iowa to the famed resort city of Rhoxxbhutty, Schnotzelvakia. Dubuque was chosen because there is a feeling that the American Secret Service was unaware that it existed. Once on Schnotzelvakian soil, Mr. Trump and Mrs. Pelosi would obtain quickie Schnotzelvakian divorces and then be married by the Chaplain of the Schnotzelvakian Horse Hockey League. Plans say that the couple would then engage in the ancient Schnotzelvakian wedding ritual, the dung bath, before honeymooning. Plans also call for Mr. Trump to leave his good buddy and best man Vladimir Putin in charge of the U.S. Government while he is away.
Headline News Section
Weinstein gets 23 years Looks like his next company’s is going to be called ‘Mira-Maximum Security!’
U.S Stock Market suffers worst crash since 1987, as Americans wake up to new normal Damn, check ing the Stock Market is now so painful, the S&P needs to change its name to the S&M. Happy 70th Birthday, William H. Macy Unless you had someone else use their birth certificate.
Newt Gingrich is in Italy Don’t worry, he’s ok, people have been social distancing from Newt for decades. Andrew Gillum linked to meth overdose with two other men in South Beach hotel Say this for Gilliam, if you were gonna get caught with two guys and meth in a South Beach Hotel and wanted as little press as possible, this would be the time. Trump campaign fears coronavirus will hurt his re-election bid Trump’s campaign slogan oughta be ‘Orange is the New Black Plague.’ Actor Steven Seagal charged with unlawfully touting digital asset offering Who’s ‘Above the Law’ now, dude?! Purell has fragrance-free hand wipes Don’t get any ideas, Gwyneth Paltrow!!!
Trump says he took coronavirus test, result negative I’m not saying Trump’s Coronavirus test was bullshit, but the results also got him into USC. National Pi Day Or, as R Squared calls it, “What about Me? Day!” NY Post: “Faster than it looks:” Loose Florida cow keeps evading police … that sounds like slut shaming to me… US and Canadian jets intercept Russian reconnaissance aircraft off Alaska While the rest of us wait for confirmation from Sarah Palin. Mexico is considering closing its border to stop Americans bringing coronavirus into its country … And make Canada pay for it…
Read more columns by Paul Lander at humortimes.com.
HUMOR TIMES
After Video Review, General George Custer Declared Winner of the Battle of the Little Big Horn Long-lost video disqualifies Chief Sitting Bull, gives victory to General Custer. By Ted Holland Scientists at The University of Stanchk recovered a long-lost and unknown video copy of the famed Battle of Little Big Horn between the Sioux Indian tribe and the United States Calvary.
We are told this is a still from the video of Battle of the Little Big Horn. Either that, or a painting by Charles Marion Russell.
The video was reportedly taken by a visitor from the planet Zardoc, who reportedly stumbled on the battle while visiting earth and looking for Buffalo Wings. In his haste to leave the violent Earth, he left the video behind. At some point, the video was acquired by Bat Masterson IV, discovered at a flea market in Bismark, South Dakota. Someone had taped 21 episodes of the sixties sitcom My Mother the Car over the battle. Stanchk University crapologist Dr. Uppdah Asse was able to restore the battle scenes, and he forwarded them to NFL Films for review. They determined that during the 20 minute battle, Sioux Chief Sitting Bull used several ineligible braves. He has therefore has been disqualified and forced to vacate the victory. One warrior in question was Pink Wolf, who was not a warrior, but was actually a war-drummer who had been previously been disciplined for wearing the wrong shade of war paint at the Battle of Big Gulch. Also in question was the status of Big Spear, who had been suspended by the SWA (Sioux Warriors Association) for non payment of dues and for violating Scalping Rules. This article is part of the “Dispatches from SNN” (Slobovian News Network) series. SNN is currently working on the following stories: • Star Spangled Banner Written by Lennon and McCartney • Elvis Was Really a Black Woman Named Lucille • The Hound of the Baskervilles Had Fleas • Mr. Ed Arrested in Death of Horses at Santa Monica Race Track Current Job Openings at SNN: • Circular Liar • Ethical Liar • Piledriver • Technical Oodlefarquiist (Must have degree from Slobovian 7 year university and X83 Slobovian Secret Service clearence. Must speak Schnotzelvakian, Jive and Doowop.) • Witch Doctor
Surgeon General’s Warning: ‘Humor Times’ Habit-Forming The U.S. Surgeon General warned citizens about a national humor magazine called the Humor Times today, saying it was “habit forming” and could lead to serious bouts of belly-laughter – upsetting the habitually pessimistic and people with weaker stomachs. “Sure, we all like to laugh,” the official said, “but at what price? Sudden guffaws can disturb those nearby. Tears of laughter can blur your vision. And smiling can tire your facial muscles.” “We’ve all heard the line, ‘laughter is the best medicine,’” he went on, “but is it, really? Perhaps too much of a good thing is just that – too much. Be careful out there, America.” “On the other hand,” he noted, “it could be great for getting through a self-quarantine!” (Ed. note: A subscription form can be found on page 3 – use at your own risk!)
April, 2020
The Prez Trump got the acquittal message loud and clear...
and promptly went on a pardon binge...
for anyone with the right stuff.
and reestablish his dominance.
He decided to shake things up...
He said his whole life prepared him for this moment...
and he showed it.
April, 2020
Now it’s just a matter of balancing priorities.
HUMOR TIMES
13
Old School The Dem nomination is down to two old white guys...
and a lot of voters aren’t happy about that.
Yet he is an inspiration to young voters... Bernie said the deck was stacked against him.
but forgot one thing. who worked long and hard for him...
but endorsements swung it for ol’ Cozy Joe. (continued) Many older Dems were almost there for him...
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HUMOR TIMES
April, 2020
The pundits insist Bernie can’t beat Trump...
and say the case for Biden is strong.
but he’s got “it,” they say. Sure, he’s a little rough around the edges...
April, 2020
It’s down to these two, and the virus...
but Bernie’s not giving up.
So now this diverse party has to choose its nominee...
and running mate.
HUMOR TIMES
15
The Hightower Lowdown
Right-Hand Man The Attorney General insists he’s independent...
and does what he likes.
But the president’s every wish is his command...
How Weird Is the Democratic Party Establishment? Just when you thought this political year couldn’t get any weirder, along comes the entire Democratic Party establishment rushing en masse to the cliff’s edge, hurling itself headfirst into the presidential contest. What has spurred this gaggle of political operatives, fat-cat donors and former presidential hopefuls is a collective impulse to unite behind the very worst candidate the party could possibly put up against President Donald Trump in November’s election: Joe Biden. While practically everyone in the political swirl admits privately that the former vice president is pretty slow, awfully corporate and practically bent double with a bag full of very bad political positions he’s taken during his decades long career as a Washington insider, his establishment cohorts are now resurrecting his dormant campaign by ecstatically proclaiming that he’s a “winner.” When pressed, their main pitch for Biden is that he’s “decent.” Well, even Melania Trump would probably like to see something better than Donald’s in-your-face, gross-out indecency in a president, but every contender for the Democratic nomination met this minimal threshold of suitability (and before the establishment hoists “Gentle Joe” onto a pedestal of decency, it might check with Anita Hill about his ugly political abuse of her). A “winner”? How enthusiastic will seniors, low-income families and others be when they realize Biden has spent 30 years (including during his vice presidency) trying to cut spending for the people’s crucial safety net, declaring: “I meant Social Security as well; I meant Medicare and Medicaid; I meant veterans’ benefits… I not only tried it once. I tried it twice… a third time… a fourth time.” Also, how excited will young voters be to find that kindly, old Joe has constantly backed efforts by big bankers to make it harder for students to get out from under the bankers’ price-gouging loan payments? And how thrilled will hard-hit manufacturing workers be that Biden has been a constant cheerleader for NAFTA and other wage-busting trade scams? At a time when big majorities are clearly sick and tired of business-as-usual politics and are demanding bold policies for grassroots progress, why would Democrats put up the poster boy of corporate-purchased, inside-the-beltway status quoism? Biden would be uniquely vulnerable to Trump this fall and lose the political future for Democrats by turning off voter turnout — especially among young people and others who feel abandoned by the establishment.
JIM HIGHTOWER Cynically, the Democratic Party establishment and their moneyed and political elites have rushed to hug up Joe Biden, not because he’s the best the party’s got but because of what he’s not: He’s not Sen. Bernie Sanders. The party powers are ganging up on Bernie and, more specifically, ganging up in a political panic against the growing grassroots insurgency of young activists, women, Latinos, Asian Americans, working-class whites and others who’re fed up with the party’s same-old, same-old politics that’s knocking down the middle class and holding down the poor. Funded by the uber-rich, the elites are colluding in a blatant power play to cut off this rising democratic majority inside the Democratic Party, pushing old Joe forward not because he has any appeal to those they’re trying to shut out but simply because he’s one of the inside clique — a trusty who’s no threat to the corporate order that’s suppressing America’s democratic possibilities. Of course, they don’t have the integrity to say this. Instead, they claim Sanders and his supporters are advocating free health care-for-all and other ideas that “scare” voters — even most Democrats. Hello. In the 12 states where it was specifically polled in this election, that overdue reform has won handily, including getting 94.3% “Hell Yes” support in the recent Democratic primary in my state of Texas! Still, the money boys are pressing a Bernie Panic Button, saying he’s too hot, too progressive — too Democratic — to beat Trump. The clueless plutocrat billionaire Mike Bloomberg (who even stooped to calling Sanders a communist) is setting up a one-man super PAC to enthrone Biden as the nominee. Yet, recent polls in key swing states, and in supposedly red states like Texas, confirm that the Vermont anti-establishment populist is the strongest candidate of all Democrats against Trump. What if the people were to have a candidate in November who is not controlled by big campaign donors, who has the authenticity to stand unequivocally for what he believes in and who will fight the corporate powers — as former President Franklin Roosevelt once put it, “to restore America to its own people”? It could be a landslide for progress.
and he acts just like Trump’s personal lawyer.
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HUMOR TIMES
April, 2020
Election Predilections You’d think an incumbent would be comfortable...
but Trump isn’t, not until he locks it up.
He still has his trusty team from 2016...
who are very familiar with the process...
and promise another good show.
Still, Donald is restless...
and for good reason.
April, 2020
But Republicans will leave no stone unturned.
HUMOR TIMES
17
Miscellaneous Mischief
18
HUMOR TIMES
April, 2020
April, 2020
HUMOR TIMES
19
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Happy 29th, Humor Times, You Young Whippersnapper! We’re Celebrating Our 73rd!
Enjoy
Vic’s Ice Cream at these fine locations! VOTED SACRAMENTO’S BEST ICE CREAM!
Available at the Artists Collaborative Gallery 129 K St. Old Sacramento www.johnreigerpottery.com
Vic’s Ice Cream is a delicious homemade treat anytime! Enjoy any of dozens of fabulous flavors! And check out our homemade soups & sandwiches!
Manufacturing & serving quality products for over 50 years. Family owned & operated.
3199 Riverside Blvd.
448-0892 Also Available at
Free your mind and the rest will follow
WILLIE’S 5050 Arden Way Fair Oaks
®
www.aofonline.org 916-304-3796
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