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May, 2020
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Editor’s Letter Right on Cue, Here they Come: Those Russian Trolls! Wow, have you noticed? They have really ramped it up quickly this new election cycle! With Bernie now out of the way, the horde of Russian trolls (or combination of Russian, white supremacist, Republican think tank and whoever-else trolls) can concentrate all their fire-power on Joe Biden – and, of course, on trolling “them snowflake libs!” Yeah, it’s you and me they’re really after, trying to turn us against each other. This was, of course, totally predictable, and would’ve happened with Bernie or anyone else. Unfortunately, and it’s one of many reasons I backed Bernie, I fear Biden is too easy of a target, and that he is the opponent they wanted all along. However, it’s go-time now. All hands on deck to save the country. Don’t let them do to us what they did last time! The economic forces behind Trump – autocratic goons looking for world domination and to protect their ill-gotten gains at any cost – have shifted into attack mode. Have no doubt: we will bear the brunt of a sophisticated and sustained online psychological warfare campaign. They will try – and will likely succeed to at least some degree – to tear us apart, making the multi-faceted left, with all its divergent opinions about how to go forward, turn in on itself. Apparently – and sadly – there are still some Bernie supporters who have not learned anything from letting an arrogant, ignorant, sniveling sociopath into the oval office four years ago. To them I say, wake the f*ck up! The #1 goal has not changed. If we don’t get the Mango Mussolini wannabee out by November, you can kiss your democracy goodbye. And with it, any chance of ever electing anyone like Bernie Sanders in the future.
The e-book “Ninety-Nine Stories” contains 99 stories by Barry Fiegel which is available for $9.99 on Amazon Kindle and other e-book publishers.
Ninety-Nine Stories
Cartoon by Walt Handelsman
by Barry Fiegel
California Stage Theater Creations
“ Read 'Em—You'll Like 'Em. ”
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The Humor Times® (ISSN 1937 299X), Vol. 29, Issue 337, is published monthly by the Humor Times, 7271 Lindale Dr, Sacramento, CA 95828. (Not our mailing address, see “postmaster.”) Periodicals Postage Paid at Sacramento, CA and additional mailing offices. POSTMASTER: Send address changes to: Humor Times, P.O. Box 162429, Sacramento, CA 95816-2429. Subscriptions: http://subs.humortimes.com. Website: www.humortimes.com. Editor: James Israel. Publisher: Jim LeDoux. Email: info@humortimes.com. Phone: 916-758-8255. Printed by: Herburger Publications, Galt, CA 95632. Contributors: Steve Benson, Ruben Bolling, Bill Bramhall, Chris Britt, Jon Carter, Diane de Anda, Larry Dell, Will Durst, Michael Egan, Roger Freed, Walt Handelsman, Phil Hands, Joe Heller, Jim Hightower, David Horsey, Paul Lander, Chan Lowe, Mike Luckovich, Joel Pett, Dan Piraro, Marshall Ramsey, Rob Rogers, Harley Schwadron, Drew Sheneman, Scott Stantis, Dana Summers, Tom Toles, Roz Warren, Dan Wasserman & others. Contributions: Send artwork/submissions to address or email above. The Humor Times (formerly the Comic Press News) is printed on recycled paper, using at least 60% post-consumer fiber. All contents ©2020. No part may be reproduced without permission.
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HUMOR TIMES
3
COVID-19, Humans-0 We started out way behind, due to lack of preparedness...
because the prez thought he knew better, like always.
Then we got even further behind...
thanks to his one-track mind.
He finally started holding press conferences in March...
announcing the appointment of “the best people” for the job.
But he reminds everyone daily that it’s all about him...
4
and keeps insisting “we’re in great shape.” (continued)
HUMOR TIMES
May, 2020
The crisis is really all the states’ fault, Trump says...
’cuz they’re such complainers!
What we need is accurate information, from the source...
and counter the insanity.
Economic relief was urgently needed...
and Congress came through...
May, 2020
to flatten this dangerous curve...
although there was a bit of a delay. (continued)
HUMOR TIMES
5
The Jerry Duncan Show Interviews Dr. Anthony Fauci
The e-book “Ninety-Nine Stories” contains 99 stories by Barry Fiegel which is available for $9.99 on Amazon Kindle and other e-book publishers.
Ninety-Nine Stories by Barry Fiegel
“ Read 'Em—You'll Like 'Em. ”
Wherein our intrepid talk radio show host interviews internationally famous immunologist Dr. Anthony Fauci. ANNOUNCER: Live from under a rock in your backyard, it’s The Jerry Duncan Show. JERRY: Good morning listeners nationwide. Is it a good morning? We’ll soon find out. Today on the show my guest is internationally famous immunologist Dr. Anthony Fauci. JERRY: Good morning, Dr. Fauci. DR. ANTHONY FAUCI: Glad to be with you, Mr. Duncan. JERRY: We look to you for advice on eliminating the coronavirus. When do you think that will happen? FAUCI: I don’t have a crystal ball. We see a flattening of the curve in the states of Washington and California. Even New York City is getting better. But this could go through the end of May. JERRY: May? Trump said we need to open up the economy April 30th. He’s getting impatient. You could be fired. FAUCI: Let the president have a temper tantrum. I’ll tell him, “Bacha ma culo. Kiss my ass.” JERRY: Trump said that short people like you can use Legos for steps and not break a sweat. FAUCI: Oh yeah? Trump is so fat that when I asked him to touch his toes he said, “What are those?” I’ve worked for presidents Reagan to Obama. Because of their encouragement and assistance, I helped solve the Ebola and HIV viruses. George W. Bush honored me with the
Dr. Anthony Fauci, caricature by DonkeyHotey, flickr.com.
Presidential Medal of Freedom. JERRY: Speaking of medals. Did you hear about the speed skater who won a gold medal last winter in North Dakota? FAUCI: No. JERRY: He had it bronzed. FAUCI: Can I respond? I know a little something about mental illness. Jerry’s cell phone rings with caller id. JERRY: Sorry, Four Eyes. Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez is on the line. I’m going to put her on speaker. ALEXANDRIA OCASIO-CORTEZ: Can you hear me? Jerry? Jerry? What’s da matta you? Answer me! JERRY: Hear you loud and clear. CORTEZ: Trump is insane! My peeps are outta work and he doesn’t care. Where’s the unemployment checks? Where’s the SBA loans to small businesses for coronavirus? Things are so bad, I can’t even get a tattoo. JERRY: Your tattoos are outrageous. CORTEZ: You may not like my tattoos, but at least I can cover them up. Your face on the other hand… JERRY: I’ll pretend I didn’t hear that. FAUCI: You two are wasting time arguing. Every minute is precious, so let’s rip Trump. CORTEZ: Who is that wise cracker? JERRY: Dr. Fauci. The immunization guy. CORTEZ: The immigration guy? If a cop stops me and says “papers.” And I say “scissors.” Do I win? JERRY: Back to the Trumpster. He doesn’t believe in science. CORTEZ: He doesn’t believe in climate change. FAUCI: He said we have coronavirus under control. It’s one person coming in from China. JERRY: That’s a lie. There’s an old Chinese saying. “Man who fish in other man’s well often catch crabs.” CORTEZ: Trump could have used the powers under the Defense Product Act to mobilize the production of medical supplies like ventilators, surgical gloves and gowns to save lives. JERRY: He should of and didn’t. CORTEZ: I’m not a doctor, but I’m going to put on one of those gloves and shove my hand up the Trumpster’s rear. What do you think, Doc? FAUCI: Well. That would certainly nip things in the butt. JERRY: You have a lot on your plate, Dr. Fauci. FAUCI: Yes. I’m going to brainwash Trump. JERRY: How do you do that? CORTEZ: Give him an enema. FAUCI: She’s correct. JERRY: See you tomorrow everyone.
“In times of global crisis like this, where human lives are in peril due to the exponential spread of the pandemic, each citizen should be morally and socially responsible by observing the laws and policies of any government for the common good of the society. “Those who keep on criticizing the efforts of their government to contain the virus, who contribute nothing but their bickering and stupid opinions, should take matters in their own hands by volunteering at the frontlines. And such, morally and ethically, is an ideal and heroic act for the highest good of the society.” – Danny Castillones Sillada, “The Moral and Social Responsibility of Every Citizen in the Time of Pandemic”
6
HUMOR TIMES
May, 2020
COVID-19 (continued) PPE is important, as we have learned...
for keeping systems operating to capacity.
Masks were in short supply and became very valuable...
so America got creative...
making use of otherwise useless material.
Some refuse to be caught dead in them...
while many others are having fun with it...
May, 2020
and accomplishing great things. (continued)
HUMOR TIMES
7
COVID-19 (continued) The disease has hit minorities disproportionately...
and for many people, it can be quite deadly.
Bad information from pseudo doctors isn’t helping...
and it’s even worse when it comes from the top.
The presidential circus sideshow is at best a distraction... and at worst a rallying cry for the clueless.
Fox news called it a hoax before finally taking it seriously...
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and it’s clear that the frustration is widespread. (continued)
HUMOR TIMES
May, 2020
COVID-19 (conclusion) Some greedy bastards have made a bad thing worse...
The president seems to think it’s a popularity contest...
He’s the only one who can fix it, he says...
and gets easily confused.
continually reminding anyone who will listen.
Meanwhile, Americans are nothing if not resourceful...
May, 2020
and we must guard against even darker tendencies.
HUMOR TIMES
and together, we will get through this somehow.
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Cartertoons • www.cartertoons.com
•
by Jon Carter
Cartertoons • www.cartertoons.com
•
by Jon Carter
‘We Report, You Decry!’
Wonder Woman’s Father Revealed to Be Frank Sinatra By Ted Holland This exclusive news report is part of the ongoing series, Dispatches from SNN (Slobovian News Network). SNN enter tain ment reporter Whada Helle has recently uncovered long lost docu ments that indicate that show biz mogul, movie star, world’s Wonder Woman (Gal Gadot). g r e a t e s t Nice lineage you have there! n i g h t c l u b singer and music legend Frank Sinatra is the father of Diana Prince better known as super-hero “Wonder Woman.” Ms Helle had journeyed to New Jersey to study the psycho sexual implications of the 1950’s Doo-wop lyric “Ooooo poppa Kow” when she discovered a file box in the sub sub sub basement of Lenny’s Pawn Shop which was closed by Elliott Ness in 1947. In the early forties Lenny’s had been a major betting parlor and hangout for mafia guys and musicians including Frank Sinatra. It has been widely reported that Wonder Woman/Diana Prince first appeared in October of 1941 and that her mother was the mysterious Queen Hippolyta. Contents of the recently unearthed box indicate that her mother was really Queenie Schwartzbaum of Jersey City, who worked as a cigarette girl at the Club Alabam where Sinatra was performing as vocalist with the Jimmy Dorsey Orchestra… and that a quickie in the hatcheck stand produced Diana. Mama and baby were then spirited out of the country by some of Sinatra’s mob connections. At some point agents of All Star Comics contacted Queenie and the legend of Wonder Woman was born. SNN attempted to contact Diana Prince and we were referred to the Legal Dept at Marvel Comics. When we attempted to contact the Sinatra Estate, somebody from The Mafia called and said “Hey Bozo, don’t fuck with Frank.”
Pandemic Forces California Governor to Ban Group Sex By Matt Nagin VAN NUYS, CA – Gov. Gavin Newsom announced new regulations today, shutting down group sex within the adult entertainment industry. “Adult films are vital to the local economy,” the Governor said. “But, right now, group sex is just too dangerous.” It was only a matter of time until the Covid-19 pandemic hit the adult industry too. “My advice to porn stars out there,” said Mia Khalifa, “is to act more like web cam models. Lots of lonely guys, right now, who need that more personal interaction.” Reactions throughout the porn community have been mixed. LusciousSara, a camgirl on Firecam said, “business is booming. Yee-haw!” Riley Reid, who won an AVN award, and earns a sizeable portion of her income from group sex, meanwhile, seemed less than thrilled. “How am I going to survive?” she asked. “I mean seriously…my hand’s going to get tired!” In addition to emphasizing through charts and graphs the many reasons solo masturbation sequences will restrict the spread of the virus, Newsom stressed that performers in traditional guy-girl sequences must remain at least six feet away from each other. “No exceptions,” the Governor said, pointing out that the National Guard had been called in to make sure porn stars worked together from opposite ends of the room.
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Headline News Section Aspiring to the High Standards Set by Cable News
Worldwide Glut of Artificial Ignorance Traced to Rogue Arm of the Slobovian Secret Service By Ted Holland This report is part of the Dispatches from SNN (Slobovian News Network) series. Czhrk, the head of the Slobovian Secret Service, has recently uncovered a plot by a rogue arm of his own organization, which is responsible for the glut of Artificial Ignorance that has afflicted people, IT systems and television sets across the world. The plot has been in effect for at least a decade and is deemed unstoppable. Artificial Ignorance often mistaken for artificial intelligenceIt is said to be undetectable from real ignorance and is often mistaken for artificial intelligence. It is rumored that both the United States Congress and the British Parliament is infected with Artificial Ignorance. According to the SSS report, Artificial Igno-
rance was created by SSS agent Dr. Schitta Nofinger, one of the agency’s most decorated undercover agents and head of it’s PISSE division. Dr. Nofinger is a former Miss Slobovia and has at least 17 degrees in Physics, Chemistry and Math and is a certified NuMbuian Witch Doctor. The phenomenon dates back to the 12th century in Slobovian lore. The famous Slobovian soothsayer Phoophooboom- ulous stated that, “Mankind was was born with an original ignorance as well as an original sin… mankind’s innate ability to create his own ignorance will one day overcome him and lead to his destruction.” We at SNN are on Red Alert… it is feared that several of our reporters have been inflicted with malady.
Sanders Campaign: Candidate Was Not Actually Bernie Sanders By David Suter In a stunning development, senior Sanders campaign officials announced yesterday that the candidate they ran as Bernie Sanders was not, in fact, Bernie Sanders at all. “Any old guy with white hair can look like Bernie Sanders if he messes up his hair and spits when he talks,” Campaign Manager Faeez Dahkhar told an audience of more than ten via webcast. “When Senator Sanders refused to run again in 2020, we couldn’t just let The Movement die. If a Movement can just die it isn’t a Movement. It’s just like an urge or something, but not a Movement.” “The Movement” refers to efforts by Sanders’ supporters to move the Democratic Party to the ideological left, perhaps far enough to push California into the ocean. Sanders Senior Advisor John Deaver justified it all as a campaign tactic not uncommon in American politics. “Thomas Dewey quit the race months before the ’44 election,” he explained. “It was purely momentum that carried him to the point that the Chicago Tribune thought he had won. Goldwater never ran at all. Lyndon Johnson’s campaign put different glasses on him and changed his hair and ran him as Goldwater just to have somebody to destroy in the election. Michael Dukakis was a puppet
built by a Hollywood special effects company for the Bush campaign.” “When Senator Sanders refused to run again,” he continued, “we hired Chevy Chase to be him for the first few months, just to get things rolling. When the crowds got so nuts that they didn’t even pay attention to Chevy-Bernie anymore, we just started grabbing old guys off the street and rubbing their hair with a balloon and putting them on stage. It saved us a fortune. “Some of our Bernies were more Bernie than Bernie. Best of all, we could deliver any message we wanted. Half of the stuff we did Bernie would never have agreed to, but without him, we could pander shamelessly to our base and manipulate their anger as much as we wanted.” Political Director Anamanna Majama added, “The crowds were so busy chanting and shouting that nobody even noticed when we changed out our Bernie three or four or five times in one speech. It was just crazy.”
Ripping the Headlines Today Making fun of the headlines today, so you don’t have to By Paul Lander. All you need to do is follow one simple rule: barely pay attention and jump to conclusions. So, here are some headlines today and my first thoughts: Dr Oz, Dr Phil and Dr Drew talking crazy about the coronavirus …we’d be better off “paging Dr Moe, paging Dr Larry, pag ing Dr Curly!”
Trio of suspected thieves caught in “heinous toilet paper caper” It’s gotten so bad, my neigh bor ’s house got TP’d, and it doubled in value.
Jennifer Lopez rocked a sheer tunic and tiny white bikini for Easter So, she did nothing special.
McDonald’s and Capitol One pulled their sponsorships of Kyle Larson’s NASCAR team because he used the N-word I’m betting he’ll probably be able to replace them with the ‘My Pillow Guy’ and ‘Really, Really White Castle!’
Sanders endorsed Biden Although, in the middle of it, both had to get up to go pee. Bill O’Reilly: Those dying from coronavirus “were on their last legs anyway” Dude better hope no one sneezes on his career.
CDC says no group meetings over 10 people Or. as Trump calls it, an inaugural.
Feds considering issuing Americans certificates of immunity from the coronavirus It’s official! We’ve gone from ‘Celebrity Apprentice’ to ‘Survivor!’
Val Kilmer says he has not had a girlfriend in 20 years: “I am lonely part of everyday” And, he revised The Doors song to ‘21st Century Foxless.’
Tom Schwartz apologizes for calling wife Katie Maloney “Gross”: “I was way out of line” Where did he say this? On an all new episode of ‘Who the hell are these people?’
Report: Coronavirus showed up in NY from Europe not Asia without proper screening … Hmmm, kinda like Melania …
Brad Pitt got emotional while renovating a friend’s home with ‘The Property Brothers’ Let’s see how happy they are when Brad drops off all his kids for a barbecue!
Celebrities under fire for posting self-quarantine selfies while in their mansions Hey, celebrities, some advice: “Stop posting those pics from your mansions, it’s like an episode of ‘Casing the Homes of the Rich and Famous.’”
Read more columns by Paul Lander at humortimes.com.
HUMOR TIMES
President Demands Supplication in Exchange for Relief Checks By David Suter In a North Korea-style press conference Monday, President Trump announced plans to require that all Americans attend upon him in the nation’s capital and bow in supplication before receiving their CARES relief checks. He also announced a new requisite that all Americans must hereafter refer to him as the “Most Glorious Leader.” After showing a five-minute propaganda video that amounted to a political hagiography of the last two months in the life of Saint Donald, the self-appointed dictator explained the supplication requirement: “Look, I just want some appreciation. Just appreciation. That’s all. I don’t get appreciation. I don’t get it from the governors. I certainly don’t get it from the press, from you. You’re just fake news. You don’t show me appreciation. If the American people won’t show me appreciation voluntarily, I’ll force them to. I have the power to get appreciation out of them one way or another. It’s simple.” Asked about his authority to require obeisance, especially in return for critical relief that for many Americans might mean the difference between life and death, Mr. Trump answered, “I’m the president, and when you use that word from now on in connection with me I’m right now making a new law that you spell it with a capital P. Always with a capital P. I’m the president with a capital P. I have absolute authority. I can do anything I want.” Pressed for details about the actual constitutional authority for such a requirement, the president pointed to his head. “The constitution is right here, that’s where I get it, right here,” he commanded. “When you’re the president, what you say goes. I have absolute life and death authority over everyone.” Responding to questions about the requirement to call him “Most Glorious Leader,” he replied, “Look. I’m your leader, right? Of course I am. I’m your leader. And I’m glorious. I’ve always been glorious. So I’m your glorious leader. It’s just like calling me Mr. President. You have to do that, right? Everybody has to call me that. So now I’m just changing my name. Now I’m the Most Glorious Leader. Say it. Say that I’m the Most Glorious Leader. Say it!” Asked if the proposal might not cost millions of lives given that many people don’t have the ability to come to Washington to perform the required adjuration, he made a mocking face and said in a whining voice, “Oh whah whah. People die every day. If you die you would die anyway and it will save me the money not giving you a check.” A Humor Times opinion poll of 1,312 people cannot be reported here. Not a single response is printable due to editorial restrictions on offensive language.
Surgeon General: ‘Humor Times’ Best Medicine for All Those Sheltering at Home The U.S. Surgeon General today recommended subscriptions to the national humor magazine the Humor Times for everyone in the U.S., saying, “In this time of crisis, snuggling up with the Humor Times may be your only hope for getting through with any positivity.” “Sure, it’s habit forming,” he went on, “and could lead to serious bouts of belly-laughter – upsetting the habitually pessimistic and people with weaker stomachs. But that’s a small price to pay for elevating your mood overall.” “We’ve all heard the line, ‘laughter is the best medicine,’” he said, “and in this case, it is absolutely true. My advice? Buy subscriptions for everyone you know.” Coincidentally, the Humor Times announced a special “Viral Humor Sale,” offering subscriptions for $5 off for anyone mentioning the phrase, “Fight the virus with viral humor via the Humor Times!” (Ed. note: A subscription form can be found on page 3 – use now, while you still can!)
May, 2020
War Heroes We salute the real heroes of this crisis...
who have worked together selflessly to keep America going.
From grocery store clerks...
to truck drivers...
to everyone with the can-do spirit.
Especially the health care workers, who with too little...
have done so much, while risking it all.
May, 2020
The nation owes you a great debt of gratitude!
HUMOR TIMES
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Sickly Economy Congress was proud that they acted quickly...
and now, so should the law.
The stimulus checks are on their way...
but help for small businesses dried up fast.
Trump said health was a priority...
and pushed hard to break open the economy.
The Republican Senate did all it knew how to do... and they are determined to do even more.
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HUMOR TIMES
May, 2020
Election Protection Brave citizens in Wisconsin voted despite the risks...
and some may have to pay the ultimate price.
WI Republicans insisted on in-person voting, despite the virus...
saying anything else was just too dangerous.
Now they want to defund the Post Office...
trying to stop a democratic (and Democratic) invasion.
and they’ve got help in high places. It seems they will stop at nothing...
May, 2020
HUMOR TIMES
15
The Hightower Lowdown
Also Still Feverish
America’s Political Soul If we were smart, we’d use what we learned...
but instead, the administration is reversing course...
until they can accelerate back into full destructive mode.
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Making real democratic change is messy, inherently anti-establishment and fundamentally about choosing sides, in a continuous fight for our national political soul. Throughout our history, we have periodically needed large, disruptive political shake-ups to assure the survival and expansion of the democratic ideals that make America’s social cohesion possible. Those shake-ups have not come from the comfortable center. Indeed, the abolition of slavery, women’s suffrage, the rise of labor, the People’s Party platform of 1892, trust-busting laws, the New Deal, civil rights protections, environmental safeguards, same-sex marriage, immigrant justice, et cetera have been won against the adamant opposition of centrists. Which brings us to the present progressive/centrist divide in the ongoing Democratic Party primaries. How to choose sides? It’s not as hard as it might seem if you ask two fundamental questions about the Big Change ideas being put forth by the progressive movement. 1. Who opposes Big Change? The most obvious suspects are the corporate powers presently gouging us and wallowing in trillions of dollars that they extract annually from the established systems of the status quo. These forces include insurance behemoths and other health industry profiteers (No “Medicare for All”!), fossil fuel monopolists (No Green New Deal!) and superrich tax cheaters (No wealth tax!). They are funding an army of Congress critters, front groups, media flacks, lobbyists, political action committees, academic hacks, et al. to push a multitude of strategies intended to demonize, dilute, sidetrack and ultimately kill all proposals by democratic populists. Less obvious are the self-perpetuating forces of the Democratic establishment: the corporate executives and lobbyists who, as consistent fat-cat donors, have bought their way in; top national party officials who court and rely on those big-money givers; old guard political brokers such as the Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee; and the clubby insider network of campaign consultants, managers, pollsters, media strategists and other operatives. Pledged to protect the status quo and its own survival, this permanent party apparatus functions not as a people’s political movement but as a lucrative business: By selling conventional Democratic conservatism, they block any “little d” and “big D” progressivism that dares challenge the corporate order. If there were any doubts about the party establishment’s opposition to progressive ideas, candidates and constituencies, the DCCC put them to rest in March 2019 with a formal decree that any political consultant who works with “outsider” candidates — that is, grassroots progressives who dare challenge sitting members of the House Democratic Caucus — will be cut off from any future work with the Democratic Party. Yes, it’s astounding but true: the tone-deaf party hierarchy has created an official blacklist to shield even its most ossified and
JIM HIGHTOWER corporatized incumbents from any outbreaks of democracy. This same boneheaded adherence to monetized politics is what keeps the “party of the people” wedded to anti-people policies. Leading Democrats pose as progressives while opposing change that would matter to working-class and poor families. 2. Who supports Big Change? The public at large. And not just card-carrying progressives — greens, socialists, community organizers, feminists, climate activists and so forth — but many regular, workaday folks of all shades who are just trying to get along, contribute to the common good and lead a decent life with family, friends and community. For 30-odd years they’ve mostly been shoved aside, knocked down and disempowered. So, excuse them if they’re not charmed by longtime Democratic Party elites who are once again asking them to get excited about small tweaks that will just tighten the screws on systemic inequality. A winning platform for these potential voters is one big enough that it could, in then-President Franklin Roosevelt’s inspiring pledge of 1936, “restore America to its own people.” Even the centrist policy group Center for American Progress confirmed in a nationwide survey late last year that 65% or more of the people (including most Republicans) agree on the following: College education is too expensive, and states should do more to “help people afford a college education without getting buried in debt.” Rich families and corporations should pay more in taxes, and middle-class families should pay less. Pharmaceutical companies should be penalized if drug prices increase faster than inflation. Government should create more jobs with a $1 trillion investment in infrastructure including both roads and “expanded production of clean energy.” We should reduce inequality with a 2% “wealth tax” on net worth in excess of $50 million. Especially noteworthy: Eighty-four percent of Democrats, 72% of independents and nearly half of Republicans say “big corporations have too much power and should be strongly regulated.” It’s pure political folly to think you can win by hiding what you — and most other people — need and want. If the Democratic Party doesn’t stand up for regular people, why would it stand up for Democrats? Fundamentally, this election is both a chance and a responsibility for Democrats to say unequivocally and boldly what kind of country they want America to be.
“Trump’s pre-existing flaws as a leader have all come home to roost. His disdain for expertise led him to disregard the many public-health experts he had in his own government. His disdain for international cooperation has led to a failure to work with other countries. His adversarial posture toward China made it harder to get cooperation out of the gate. Obviously his very tortured relationship with the truth has led him to repeatedly provide misinformation about what we’re facing. President Trump’s response [to the virus] encapsulates his own unfitness to handle the responsibilities of the office.” – Ben Rhodes, speechwriter and deputy national security adviser to President Obama
HUMOR TIMES
May, 2020
Last Man Standing Bernie supporters are bent out of shape...
complaining that their candidate deserved better.
But they have to admit, Biden does have a certain quality...
one that could take him far...
Some in the party have buyer’s remorse...
once he gets his campaign in gear.
and determined to get it together this time. but Dems in general are turning on and tuning out...
May, 2020
HUMOR TIMES
17
Miscellaneous Mischief
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HUMOR TIMES
May, 2020
May, 2020
HUMOR TIMES
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Jeanette Midori Okazaki, DDS, Inc. • (916) 329-3400 2525 K Street, Suite 305, Sacramento • Most insurance plans accepted www.dentalandholistichealth.com
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