“You have a moral obligation, a mission and a mandate, to speak up, speak out and get in good trouble." – John Lewis (1940-2020), U.S. Representative from Georgia and legendary civil rights leader. Issue #340
August, 2020
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Democracies don’t have secret police. We could just chalk it up to Donald Trump getting desperate. And he is. But it would be dangerous to consider this just a personal eccentricity. After all, others inside government are taking part, willingly and even enthusiastically, like the “acting” Homeland Security Secretary Chad Wolf. By the way, isn’t every one of Trump’s department heads now just “acting”? He fires anyone who disagrees with him, and has replaced them all with yes men not yet confirmed by the Senate, as the Constitution demands. These “temporary” appointments go along with every authoritarian move by this wannabee dictator of a president. And now it’s this incredibly dangerous gestapo move. As The Nation noted, these “secret police” deployments “...could easily lead to right-wing militias impersonating legal authorities and kidnaping citizens. As former CIA counterintelligence analyst Aki Peritz notes, “All it takes is one of these similar-kitted out militiamen groups to start grabbing folks off the street as well, but then having their way with them, for there to be huge, possibly violent pushback for these tactics. This hurts the police, and the citizenry.” Peritz argues, “We’re quickly entering secret police territory now. DHS is becoming Trump’s Mukhabarat” (mukhabarat being the Arabic word for intelligence agency, used colloquially to refer, for example, to the Egyptian or Iraqi or Libyan secret police). Unfortunately, Trump’s rationale may be to pretend this move is under the cover of legislation passed during Obama’s time in office. As The Nation also noted, “It’s possible that they are acting under the 2011 National Defense Authorization Act, signed by Barack Obama, which legalized the detention of Americans suspected of being terrorists. If so, then the War on Terrorism has truly come home.” And this points out exactly why citizens must stay engaged and not relax, even when “their” candidates are in office. A law like the NDA should never have been passed, not the way it was written, allowing for the government to declare citizens “terrorists” and thus magically being able to do anything they want to them. But a poorly written law cannot become an excuse for abuse by this failed president. Trump is determined to stay in office any way he can, because he is desperate, knowing he will likely be prosecuted once out of office for his many crimes. He will have no more claims to “immunity,” and his years of lawlessness will be laid bare. So, like his pal Putin, he seeks “presidency for life” – first by delegitimizing the current election, and then by continuing the creep of fascism that he has already begun if given another term. Make no mistake, the “Tangerine Mussolini” will do whatever it takes if he’s allowed to. We need drastic change in this country, from fighting climate change to social justice to economic justice to universal health care to voting rights, to a national jobs program for rebuilding infrastructure. The only way any of this will happen is to wrest control of the Senate AND the White House from the do-nothing Republicans. This utterly corrupt party of Trump sycophants has lost any legitimacy, and deserves to be ousted in a big way. Vote Blue in November! – James Israel, Editor
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The e-book “Ninety-Nine Stories” contains 99 stories by Barry Fiegel which is available for $9.99 on Amazon Kindle and other e-book publishers.
The Humor Times® (ISSN 1937 299X), Vol. 29, Issue 340, is published monthly by the Humor Times, 7271 Lindale Dr, Sacramento, CA 95828. (Not our mailing address, see “postmaster.”) Periodicals Postage Paid at Sacramento, CA and additional mailing offices. POSTMASTER: Send address changes to: Humor Times, P.O. Box 162429, Sacramento, CA 95816-2429. Subscriptions: http://subs.humortimes.com. Website: www.humortimes.com. Editor: James Israel. Publisher: Jim LeDoux. Email: info@humortimes.com. Phone: 916-758-8255. Printed by: Herburger Publications, Galt, CA 95632. Contributors: Steve Benson, Ruben Bolling, Bill Bramhall, Chris Britt, Jon Carter, Diane de Anda, Larry Dell, Will Durst, Michael Egan, Roger Freed, Walt Handelsman, Phil Hands, Joe Heller, Jim Hightower, David Horsey, Paul Lander, Chan Lowe, Mike Luckovich, Joel Pett, Dan Piraro, Marshall Ramsey, Rob Rogers, Harley Schwadron, Drew Sheneman, Scott Stantis, Dana Summers, Tom Toles, Roz Warren, Dan Wasserman & others. Contributions: Send artwork/submissions to address or email above. The Humor Times (formerly the Comic Press News) is printed on recycled paper, using at least 60% post-consumer fiber. All contents ©2020. No part may be reproduced without permission.
Ninety-Nine Stories by Barry Fiegel
“ Read 'Em—You'll Like 'Em. ”
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August, 2020
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HUMOR TIMES
Free your mind and the rest will follow www.aofonline.org 916-304-3796 3
The Revolution Will No Longer Be Televised The protests seemed old hat, and no longer made the news...
but the reasons for them have continued.
It’s a systemic problem requiring a complete reappraisal... or as Trump would say, “Why bother?”
And so, the atrocities continue... getting even worse than most thought possible.
It’s “law and order” without the “law” or “order”...
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and Trump hopes it will spur people to vote. (So do we.)
HUMOR TIMES
August, 2020
Election Trump looked awfully small at Mt Rushmore...
and continued to rail against unfair tactics, like voting...
saying it is very dangerous.
He’s righting the ship, he says...
but the crowds aren’t coming back... in fact, you could say they’re “distancing” themselves.
But the bigger fight is for the Senate...
August, 2020
and thus, the future of the Supreme Court.
HUMOR TIMES
5
The Jerry Duncan Show Interviews Dr. Sigmund Freud By Dean Kaner Wherein our intrepid talk radio show host interviews the father of modern psychology, Dr. Sigmund Freud, and Donald Trump.
The e-book “Ninety-Nine Stories” contains 99 stories by Barry Fiegel which is available for $9.99 on Amazon Kindle and other e-book publishers.
Ninety-Nine Stories by Barry Fiegel
“ Read 'Em—You'll Like 'Em. ”
ANNOUNCER: Live from under a rock in your backyard, it’s The Jerry Duncan Show. JERRY: Good morning listeners nationwide. Is it a good morning? We’ll soon find out. Through the magic of a hologram, from Heaven my guest is the father of modern psychology Dr. Sigmund Freud and President Donald Trump. JERRY: Good morning, Doc. SIGMUND FREUD: (German accent) Vunderbar. I hope dat I don’t have a Freudian slip. JERRY: Hi, Trumpster. DONALD TRUMP: Freud is a smart guy. He told me I’ve had a vacancy of the cranium since birth. Not stable. I’m not stable. FREUD: Do you mind if I smoke? TRUMP: I don’t care if you burn up, Doc. FREUD: Dat vasn’t nice. You have an Oedipus complex, Mr. Dump. JERRY: That’s serious. The Orange Man has a sexual desire for his mother. And hates his father. TRUMP: My mother is so hot, I tried to date her. FREUD: And vhy do you tink you vere rejected? TRUMP: Small hands. Very small hands. FREUD: Interesting. And your daddy? TRUMP: I never liked the jerk. I asked him what he did for a living. He said, “I impersonate a human being.”
Oil portrait painting of Sigmund Freud,
JERRY: Hey, Doc. Save some time for me. I have a problem. FREUD: Lay it on me, Big Fella. JERRY: Okay. I can’t seem to find a girlfriend. FREUD: Vhy do you tink? JERRY: I realized it when the last girl I dated told me that I wasn’t like the rest of them. FREUD: And? JERRY: She said I was worse. FREUD: Oh my. Vell, Jerry. Der is somevone for everyvone and da person for you is a psychiatrist. JERRY: Great. FREUD: Dat vill be $500. Do you vant to put it on your credit card? JERRY: See this middle finger in front of your face? FREUD: Ah, yes. No problemo. TRUMP: Is that it for the day? FREUD: No. I discovered you have a libido. Repetition, hate, aggression and neurotic guilt. TRUMP: Fake news. FREUD: Mr. Dump. These are da scientific findings. You’re a moron, an idiot, a dictator and dishonest. JERRY: That sounds right. FREUD: I have more. JERRY: By all means. FREUD: You don’t take responsibility for your mistakes. And you blame everyvone else for your ineptness and failure of leadership.The coronavirus is out of control and da economy is in da crapper. Vhat more is dere to say? TRUMP: The coronvirus will disappear, Four Eyes. And the only thing in the crapper is your head. Flush hard, it’s a long way to Heaven. JERRY: Just a minute. There is a caller on the line. JOE BIDEN: Jerry. It’s Joe Biden. JERRY: What do you want? BIDEN: I have a question for Dr. Freud. FREUD: Go ahead. BIDEN: Why can’t you hear a psychiatrist using the bathroom? FREUD: I’m glad you asked. The ‘p’ is silent. JERRY: See you tomorrow everyone.
Quotable Quote Success and failure are complicated things. Any serious struggle is going to have moments of regression. Things don’t work out the way you expect, so you pick up, you go on from there. Anyone you can think of — civil rights, women’s rights, abolition, all of them — it’s a process. Take, say, the Bernie Sanders campaign. I get letters all the time or see things posted saying, “We tried, we lost, it’s over, so I’m getting out.” That’s not what happened. What happened was a tremendous success, an unparalleled success. Nothing like this has happened in US political history — actually, almost ever, since the real populist movement, the radical farmers’ movement, was crushed by force. The spectrum of discussion has been substantially shifted. Things that were not on the agenda not long ago are front and center: universal health care... a Green New Deal... Sanders has made the tactical decision, which some criticize but I think is correct, to join the Joe Biden campaign and push it to the left. His associates are working on planning commissions, and in fact, if you look at the program that’s emerged, it’s further to the left than anything since FDR… Now, this didn’t happen by magic. It happened kind of like the Green New Deal. It happened by constant pressure and activism. That’s the way the Left should conceive of elections. Pushing the button [for a candidate] is not the issue. It’s the constant activism that is reshaping the array of choices, issues, policies. You don’t win by snapping your fingers. Some things work, some things fail, and you pick up and go on from there. — Noam Chomsky, in Jacobin, 6/23/20
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HUMOR TIMES
August, 2020
Back to Square One If it seems like we’re getting nowhere...
The whole world can see the problem...
August, 2020
there’s a good reason for that.
except for a certain segment of the American population.
Cities are bringing in extra help...
but the prez has other priorities.
So, as some remain proudly defiant...
the country is losing, bigly.
HUMOR TIMES
7
Free to Die We might’ve been able to reopen safely...
but for the arrogant ignorance...
who refuses to give in.
of certain people...
yet still refuse to see.
Many are suffering the consequences...
but common sense, apparently, is not. The “reopen fever” is contagious...
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HUMOR TIMES
August, 2020
Forced Bussing The Prez is inviting kids into his school van...
because he knows better than the experts.
saying kids should experiment. Republicans have lent heartfelt support...
knowing their kids need a good education. Parents are reluctantly preparing...
and elementary schools are expected to just make it work. Universities are having trouble with funding...
August, 2020
HUMOR TIMES
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Cartertoons • www.cartertoons.com
•
by Jon Carter
Cartertoons • www.cartertoons.com
•
by Jon Carter
‘We Report, You Decry!’ Roger Stone: Gesture of Appreciation to Trump By Diane de Anda Roger Stone has been seen around town with a smug smile on his face, bragging that he is just a better “political poker player” than Congress or the courts and, crooning a Kenny Rogers favorite, claimed he knew “when to hold ’em” and not to “fold ’em.” He referred to the charge of witness tampering as the court over-reaching in a case of purely “friendly persuasion.” Again, barely able to restrain his emotion, he burst into song from the movie of the same name. To a small clutch of reporters, he referred to himself as a patriot who stood by a president under fire. “Of course, the loyalty of a patriot needs to be rewarded,” he shouted as he departed. The one curious thing that observers noticed was that Stone always stayed standing, even when all those around him were sitting. At first, this was thought to be a way of making himself always be the center of attention, but soon the actual reason became known. It seems that in a gesture of appreciation to Trump for commuting his sentence, he decided to have his face tattooed, lifesize on his body. However, this proved problematic. Stone had already dedicated his back as an homage to Nixon and felt that adding Trump would be an insult to the man he worshiped. His chest was not an option, because he was not willing to go through extensive electrolysis to remove his chest hair, which also might leave scars that would ruin the tattoo. Ultimately, the only space left on his body big enough for the jowly President’s face was his buttocks. It is presently a work-in-progress, which means Stone will not be able to sit on a very tender bottom for the next few weeks. Instead of being embarrassed when this was brought up, Stone replied, “I can’t wait. As soon as it’s finished I’m going to moon the House of Representatives!”
Trump: Western Science is Like Slovenian Women By Michael Egan WASHINGTON DC — President Trump today launched a scathing attack on “so-called Western science,” which he described as “nasty and changeable as a Slovenian Woman when she’s, ya know, moody. One minute it’s ‘Yes, yes, whatever,’ and the next it’s ‘Buzz off, you fat, orange slob, I just can’t do this anymore.’”
Trump said a good recent example was “Tiny Tony Fauci,” who once told him that cruise ships might be okay, but then, “Look at what happened! One of his biggest mistakes!” Trump said that the whole problem was western “so-called science itself, a deep-state Liberal agenda radical ideology invented just to stop me getting re-elected.” He shook his pudgy forefinger. “Scientists are also like those damn Slovenian Women, yes, no, maybe, we need to revisit our prenup arrangement and what about my kid? Ha! Over my dead body!” Frothing slightly, Trump went on: “Not a lot of people know this, but actual scientists like Gallie Leo used to believe that the sun goes around the earth, which it obviously does.” Trump wound up: “All I can say is I’m glad we have true Christian patriots like the son of St Billy and Jerry Farewell Jr to lead us in prayer, because by God we’re gonna need it!”
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Headline News Section Aspiring to the High Standards Set by Cable News
Defund Police: Violence Interruption Firm Hires Godzilla Cartoon Chaos: Looney By Ted Holland, Dispatches from SNN ations with other Japanese film monsters such Tunes Characters File Suit (Slobovian News Network) as Rodan, Mothra, Ghidrah and The Flying With major American cities like Minneapo- Yingyang twins. lis, Chicago and Atlanta on the verge of He has also hired agents from organizations defunding and eliminating like The Dirty Dozen, police departments beDelta Force, Force 10 cause they are too violent, from Navarrone and The these cities plan to turn to Teenage Mutant Ninja private organizations who Turtles. specialize in violence inIn a recent incident in terruption. which Godzilla attempted With this in mind, lega violence interruption endary Slobovian general procedure at a gun battle Y’Gotta B Schittemy has between two rival Chicago relocated to the United gangs, Godzilla evidently States and established a vibecame agitated at being olence interruption firm. shot at, so he burned down Among the first violence a parking garage, stepped Godzilla commutes to new job. interruption agents that he on an apartment complex, hired was the famed Japanese movie monster picked up 34 automobiles and hurled them and Godzilla, who had recently retired from his il- also ate a convenience store. The gun battle was lustrious movie career. successfully halted. At a news conference, General Schittemy General Y’Ghotta B. Schittemy is best restated, “Mr. Godzilla is the perfect self-con- membered as the hero of the 23rd Slobovian tained violence interruption entity. He can be Civil War, when he single-handedly defended a kind and gentle, but can also protect himself.” fortress containing 8 million rolls of toilet paper General Schittemy stated that he is in negoti- and the complete reruns of My Mother the Car.
Surprise Group Endorses Trump Reelection Bid By Rick Blum HOLLYWOOD, CA — They say that politics makes for strange bedfellows, but perhaps none stranger than the group of entertainers who convened a press conference yesterday afternoon in front of Grauman’s Chinese Theatre and its “Walk of Fame.” With more than two dozen comedy luminaries standing in solidarity alongside an unmasked Mike Pence, Comedic Actors and Writers Guild spokesperson Jimmy Kimmel offered the group’s full-throated endorsement of Donald Trump’s reelection campaign. “The last three and a half years have been a breeze for comedy writers. When my team sits down in the morning, they just fire up Donald’s twitter feed and the monologue writes itself, usually within 15 minutes,” opined Kimmel. “The prospect of having to actually work is not something we look forward to. Even though Biden’s frequent gaffes would be a considerable comedic vein to mine should Trump go down bigly.” Vice president Pence then stepped forward to express the Trump campaign’s pleasure at having the backing of such a talented and distinguished group. “Mother is a huge fan of all the late-night hosts,” he gushed. “Why, just last
night,” he continued, “she was talking about how Carnac the Magnificent cracks her up every time. She’s also a huge fan of that guy with the big chin, although she’s concerned about his political leanings given his Massachusetts roots.” The Biden campaign was unavailable for immediate comment, although in a hastily called Zoom press briefing later that night, Biden did promise that his ramblings would continue to be a rich source of boners and bloopers. “I can assure the diverse, comedic community that I will provide bushels full of material that will be fodder for many hearty guffaws. Or, as the young kids say, ‘Hello L,’ whatever that means.”
Ripping the Headlines Today Making fun of the headlines today, so you don’t have to By Paul Lander. All you need to do is follow one simple rule: barely pay attention and jump to conclusions. So, here are some headlines today and my first thoughts: Mary Trump’s memoir ‘Too Much and Never Enough’ sold 950,000 copies on its first day It’s so accurate it repeats Chap ter 11 six times. Victoria Beckham congratulated son Brooklyn on his engagement to Nicola Peltz A d d in g , s h e told Nicola: “If you wanna be my daughter-in-law you gotta get with my son. Zigazig, ah!”
Multiple Dallas Cowboy and Houston Texan players have tested positive for coronavirus While members of the New York Jets remain unable to catch anything. Canadians say ‘keep it’ to U.S. as Congress calls for reopened border … well, at least, they said it politely.
Burger King’s giving cows lemongrass to cut down cow farting …. While, the people who thought of this are smoking good old-fashioned grass!!! Ruth Bader Ginsburg back in hospital with infection Could be she’s just allergic to the bubble wrap she’s kept in? Trump says Biden wants to ban windows That’s really going to upset Putin, how else are people going to die of natural causes?! WHO ending hydroxychloroquine trial for COVID But, mostly to focus on their music. New York prosecutors believe Ivanka Trump skimmed millions from the 2016 Inaugural Fund When she could’ve just gone to Jared.
RIP, John Lewis May you find good trouble in your next journey! Tucker Carlson claims it’s not a punishment that he’s going on “vacation” Hmmm, that’s like Roy Moore Jr. saying he prefers shopping online instead of at the mall! Katie Holmes followed Thandie Newton on Instagram after Thandi recalled a “nightmare” Tom Cruise Story Translation, Katie Holmes: Hold my beer! Squirrel tests positive for bubonic plague in Colorado, health officials warn … Okay, that’s just nuts! WH portraits of Clinton and George W. Bush were moved from a prominent spot to a place Trump won’t see them … Melania’s bedroom…
Read more columns by Paul Lander at humortimes.com.
HUMOR TIMES
By JC Wade Warner Brothers recently announced that its Looney Tunes line-up is being reprised. The cast will again include the infamous wabbit hunter Elmer Fudd and Yosemite Sam, the gun-slinging cowboy with the hare trigger. However, Warner Brothers stunned the cartoon world by announcing that the pair will no longer be allowed to carry their iconic firearms.
Both animated men were visibly upset and immediately filed suit in federal court. The usually mild-mannered Fudd told reporters, “I’ll give them my shotgun when they pry it from my cold dead cartoon hands.” As expected, the National Rifle Association took up their cause, saying that the duo’s Second Amendment rights were being violated. Attorneys for the disarmed duo argued that the Second Amendment had originally proclaimed “the right of the people, whether animated or real, to keep and bear arms and to hunt wabbits, shall not be infringed.” They went on to say that although some of these words had failed to make it into the final draft, it was well known in Colonial America that the founding fathers meant for the amendment to also pertain to cartoon figures. Lawyers for the defense disagreed and cited the case of Woody v. Walt Disney Pictures in which the judge ruled that Woody, the Toy Story actor, didn’t have the right to carry a pistol on the set (if you google Woody you’ll see his holster is empty). Given that precedent, the jury in the Fudd and Sam case sided with Warner Brothers. An irate Yosemite Sam was later heard shouting “I’m the meanest, toughest hombre that ever crossed the Rio Grande and I intend to appeal.” A spokesperson for Warner Brothers noted that the company was only banning guns and that they intended to continue the use of exploding tennis balls, sticks of dynamite, anvils and bombs in their productions. Acme Corporation’s stock price soared after the statement was released. In a related story, it was announced yesterday that Adam Schiff, the Chairman of the House Intelligence Committee, is starting a new inquiry into alleged interference in American elections. Schiff declared that new evidence has come to light that indicated that two Russian spies, Boris Badenov and Natasha Fatale had interfered in the 2016 election and were planning to do it again in 2020. Schiff didn’t explain what evidence he had other than the fact that the couple looked Russian and spoke with Russian accents. Mr. Badenov said that he was refusing to cooperate with the investigation saying, “You busy-bodies have busied your last body.” He followed up by saying “Moose and Squirrel did it.” That’s All Folks.
Surgeon General’s Warning: ‘Humor Times’ Habit-Forming The U.S. Surgeon General warned citizens about a national humor magazine called the Humor Times today, saying it was “habit forming” and could lead to serious bouts of belly-laughter – upsetting the habitually pessimistic and people with weaker stomachs. “Sure, we all like to laugh,” the official said, “but at what price? Sudden guffaws can disturb those nearby. Tears of laughter can blur your vision. And smiling can tire your facial muscles. “Although it’s being researched as a possible antidote to COVID-19, until that’s proven, people should read it with masks on, so as not to spread germs with uncontrollable laughter.” “We’ve all heard the line, ‘laughter is the best medicine,’” he went on, “but is it, really? Perhaps too much of a good thing is just that – too much. Be careful out there, America.” (Ed. note: A subscription form can be found on page 3 – use at your own risk!)
August, 2020
Bounty Trump received the intelligence...
but lacks the intelligence to absorb it...
as he prefers to be entertained.
The reports were devastating...
and Trump said no one ever let on.
but Putin denies them...
So he treats it like he does all bad news...
August, 2020
and Putin is most grateful.
HUMOR TIMES
13
COVID Response by the Numbers As Trump will tell you, he’s a numbers guy...
and an expert at minimizing them.
He says he has all the best numbers...
but fails to measure up.
He finally donned a mask...
but didn’t fool anyone...
14
as his descent continued. (continued)
HUMOR TIMES
August, 2020
Book Club He says he’s working on it...
The books keep coming...
the only way he knows how.
and Trump is always the star.
He’s banking on his irresistible showmanship...
They all agree on the basics...
until the very end.
and the sequel promises go viral.
August, 2020
HUMOR TIMES
15
The Hightower Lowdown
Supreme Rebuke The president claimed immunity...
but that argument didn’t stand.
He’s still fighting in the courts...
Spinning Around on Trump’s Money-Go-Round The Donald is in a funk. He’s been outsmarted by an inert virus. His poll numbers are tanking, and even his demagogic pep rallies are falling flat. So, who to turn to for political comfort? Why, of course, Trump’s true loyalists: his diehard cadre of Washington’s corporate lobbyists. I don’t merely mean those elites of K-Street and Wall Street who dominate his Cabinet, constituting the official Trump government of, by, and for corporate greed. He also has a “kitchen cabinet.” Operating out of public view, it’s an unofficial collection of highly paid influence peddlers who’re still practicing the dark art of bending government power to the wishes of selfish corporate interests. Each of them is paid hundreds of thousands of dollars a year by brand-name clients — from Amazon to Walgreens — to get favors from Trump. In turn, these little-known lobbyists have now adopted The Donald as their chief client, funneling millions of special-interest dollars into his reelection campaign with the understanding that he’ll keep channeling tax breaks, regulatory exemptions and public dollars to the corporate donors. It’s the Washington money-go-round, merrily corrupting our government. Who are these no-name corrupters? David Urban is one, considered the best-connected corporate huckster in the Trump swamp. He’s an old college pal of both Pentagon chief Mark Esper and Secretary of State Mike Pompeo. Moreover, he’s become such a close buddy of Donald himself that he’s known as a “Trump Whisperer,” able to work around the furies that rage in that strange orange head. Such cozy ties to the top mean Urban gets his calls returned, an invaluable asset for his favor-seeking clientele, including Raytheon, Goldman Sachs, Bayer, Nike and Toyota. They, in turn, have made Urban rich, paying the once-obscure lobbyist more than $25 million since the Trumpeteers took office. And why wouldn’t they? For example, in 2019 the giant weapons maker Raytheon wanted to sell several billion dollars’ worth of missiles to Saudi Arabia’s royal rulers, but there was a congressional ban on such sales. No problem: (1) Raytheon enlisted Urban as their fixer; (2) he asked his pal Pompeo to meet with Raytheon’s CEO; and (3) voila! — the arms dealer promptly got a state department waiver to make the sale. So, Washington lobbyists like Urban are now the top strategists and fundraisers for Trump 2020, hoping to get another four-year ride on the corrupt money-go-round. During today’s COVID-19 crisis, the PR departments of every brand-name corporation are
JIM HIGHTOWER running slick ads nobly proclaiming: “We’re all in this together!” Simultaneously, the corporate lobbying departments are ignobly using the public’s focus on the health crisis as cover for selfishly grabbing government favors for the corporation — everyone else be damned. And Trump’s totally corporate White House has been their corrupt cohort, serving as a front-end loader for everything from more corporate tax giveaways to jiggered labor rules that stiff workers. One of the grabbiest special interests are well-off corporate and parochial private schools, where students from some of America’s wealthiest families get their education. For years, the nonpublic entities have been lobbying relentlessly to make taxpayers finance their schools, even though the schools are not open to all and usually have a narrow ideological or religious curriculum — including some extremist courses teaching that public schools should be eliminated. That extremist nook is where Betsy DeVos resides. She’s a multibillionaire heiress and long-time funder of far-right causes and a favored player in the money-go-round. Chosen by Trump to run America’s education department, she’s been trying — by hook or crook — to run our schools straight into private hands… but with no success. Along came the COVID-19 federal relief package, including funds to help meet the education needs of low-income students in hard-hit public schools. Hallelujah! shouted DeVos, grabbing the coronavirus as a way to advance her ideological agenda. In May, she issued an edict from on high requiring local public school districts to divert millions of the relief dollars from their disadvantaged students, forcing them to share their allotment with even the richest private schools. Astonishingly, Trump’s haughty education secretary rationalized her directive as a matter of economic fairness, piously informing locals that they must not “discriminate” against the rich. DeVos’ “share-with-the-rich” dictum can be a bit imbalanced. Officials in New Orleans, for example, note that under her formula, 77% of its allotment would end up in private hands. Luckily, her “order” does not have the force of law, and public schools are fighting back. For information and action, go to the National Coalition for Public Education: NCPEcoalition.org.
and who knows where the wheel will stop?
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HUMOR TIMES
August, 2020
Cultish One thing about the Prez, he’s true to himself...
and on that you can depend.
His party will go wherever he leads...
even into oblivion.
Some have defected...
but others are doubling down...
with singular focus.
August, 2020
But the president is ready with ‘Plan P.’
HUMOR TIMES
17
Miscellaneous Mischief
18
HUMOR TIMES
August, 2020
August, 2020
HUMOR TIMES
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California Stage Presents
Social Distance Theater
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Presenting a variety of theater, music, poetry and art shows this summer, Saturday evenings at 8pm through September 5th. California Stage has built a stage in our open air courtyard with safe-distance seating for those of us getting Covid stir-crazy. Masks are strongly encouraged. Get Your Tickets now, going fast, at just $15 each! More info at CalStage.org! The fun started on July 4th. For the remainder of the season, enjoy these upcoming shows!
Aug 22nd: Lee Williams will MC. Show opens again with guitarist David Kamminga, this time followed directly with The Talent Bazaar by Resurrection Theater. The closer is Todd Morgan and the Emblems, playing pop and rock. Todd is an accomplished singer, pianist, guitarist, songwriter, bandleader, e n g i n e e r a n d p r o d u c e r. Nominated for SAMMIE awards three years in a row, his 2015 album Sweet Pretender was rated one of Submerge Magazine's “Top 15 Albums of the Year.”
Aug 1st: Pat Grizzell and Proxy Moon. Proxy Moon makes music for dreamers, pickpockets, somnambulists, poets, ne'er do wells, second storey specialists, free thinkers, bums & tightrope walkers. Aug 8th: Eva and Les of S u r f a c e Te n s i o n w i t h longtime friends, Patrick and Kathleen Minor of the band You, You, You will perform original music along with covers songs of folk, rock, blues and a little jazz. James Israel will open, with his unique original acoustic rock tunes about life, relationships and social justice.
Aug 29th: Jacam Manricks and Friends. Jacam is a Sri Lankan/ Portuguese saxophonist/ composer born in Brisbane, Australia and raised in a musical family.
Aug 15th: Lee Williams will MC a great show, starting with guitarist David Kamminga, followed by the Fenix Dance and Drum troupe. Next up is the not-to-be-missed Talent Bazaar by Resurrection Theater, where Sacramento Variety Artists from the “unique to the sublime” compete for awards and audience approval! This unique and fun evening caps off with Beth Reide-Grigsby and Reds Blues Band.
Sept 5th: The O'Mally Sisters are “sisters from another mother, and another father.” Kally is the songwriter, lead vocalist and plays guitar. Ally brings sweet harmonies and violin. They sing songs about dancing, drinking and wild women who break the mold.
In the open courtyard of the R25 Arts Complex, home of California Stage. 25th & R St, Midtown • Free parking available • 916-451-5822 aa
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