“I’m a lifelong Republican, but that attachment holds second place to my responsibility to my country.” – John Kasich, former Republican governor of Ohio, endorsing Biden/Harris at the 2020 Democratic Convention Issue #341
September, 2020
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Editor’s Letter The deliberate Post Office slowdown (one could say “sabotage”) by Trump and his big-donor appointment as Postmaster General (Louis DeJoy) is a travesty, and one of the most corrupt and cynical moves in U.S. history by a President. He’s done it – as he openly admitted on Fox (“Fixed and Slanted”) News – to slow down delivery and make vote-by-mail unreliable and risky. The fact that he did this during the worst pandemic in over a century, when vote-by-mail could save lives, makes it all the more despicable – and, yes, criminal. Of course, as always with this failed president, the cherry on top is the utter hypocrisy, as he and Melania have ordered their own absentee ballots! The postal slowdown is affecting people and businesses right now, way before the election. Many aren’t getting their medications on time, adding yet another layer of criminality to Trump’s actions. Pressure has made DeJoy apparently change course, but we can’t trust him or his boss. His announcement did not say he’d replace removed equipment, for example. The slowdown is affecting delivery of the Humor Times as well. Naturally, this is out of our control. All we can do is encourage you to VOTE, and to vote out the entire party that enables this kind of wholesale destruction of one of our most beloved institutions. However, if you are a print subscriber to the Humor Times, you do have access to the digital version too. That is posted immediately after we send the publication to the printer, which is generally around a week to ten days before the first of the month. So, for example, this September issue was available online on August 21st. To login to your account and view the issue (you have access to the most recent twelve issues), go to https://subs.humortimes.com/ login.htm and use the email address you signed up with and your password. If you forgot your password, enter your email, check “Forgot password?” and press “Submit” to get a reset email. (If you don’t have an email address with your account, you may click the “Create Account” link or contact us, via email or phone (see contact info below). Meanwhile, the Dem voter strategy should be: drop off your ballot person, even if you get it mailed to you. (For help dealing with this issue wherever you live, check out: https://www .democracydocket.com/2020/08/usps-delays.) Regarding Biden’s VP pick, I think it was about as good a choice as he could make. Sure, progressives have their beefs with Kamala Harris, but she is progressive on most issues. She may have waffled on Medicare-for-All, which she was for before she was against, but politicians make these political calculations all the time. I think in her heart she’s still for it, and in any case, both pledge to push the “public option,” which is a path to the ultimate goal. To get any real progress on this or any progressive issues, however, we must turn the Senate blue. One of my favorite tweets on the pick: “Kamala Harris is a spectacular choice. And Mike Pence just melted into a tiny puddle of mayonnaise.” – Rex Huppke @RexHuppke If you’re one of those so-called Bernie Sanders supporters who are also “never Bideners” or are whining about Biden and/or Harris online, then you’re not a real Sanders supporter, nor a very bright progressive. Because Sanders is 100% behind Biden. He knows – like anyone rooted in reality – that we absolutely must get the authoritarian wannabee dictator out of office, or we may NEVER have a chance to elect someone like Sanders again. Like a lazy mountain climber who just wants to “get to the top” without the time and work required, so are Bernie complainers. They seem to want to magically transport there, forgoing the real effort necessary to attain their goal. In the real world, we must work like hell to get to the top, and we can’t forsake the small gains when we can make them, or we will never get there. (See progressive leaders’ quotes, page 6.) – James Israel, Editor
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September, 2020
The Humor Times® (ISSN 1937 299X), Vol. 29, Issue 341, is published monthly by the Humor Times, 7271 Lindale Dr, Sacramento, CA 95828. (Not our mailing address, see “postmaster.”) Periodicals Postage Paid at Sacramento, CA and additional mailing offices. POSTMASTER: Send address changes to: Humor Times, P.O. Box 162429, Sacramento, CA 95816-2429. Subscriptions: http://subs.humortimes.com. Website: www.humortimes.com. Editor: James Israel. Publisher: Jim LeDoux. Email: info@humortimes.com. Phone: 916-758-8255. Printed by: Herburger Publications, Galt, CA 95632. Contributors: Steve Benson, Ruben Bolling, Bill Bramhall, Chris Britt, Jon Carter, Diane de Anda, Larry Dell, Will Durst, Michael Egan, Roger Freed, Walt Handelsman, Phil Hands, Joe Heller, Jim Hightower, David Horsey, Paul Lander, Chan Lowe, Mike Luckovich, Joel Pett, Dan Piraro, Marshall Ramsey, Rob Rogers, Harley Schwadron, Drew Sheneman, Scott Stantis, Dana Summers, Tom Toles, Roz Warren, Dan Wasserman & others. Contributions: Send artwork/submissions to address or email above. The Humor Times (formerly the Comic Press News) is printed on recycled paper, using at least 60% post-consumer fiber. All contents ©2020. No part may be reproduced without permission.
HUMOR TIMES
3
Needed: Election Protection Trump settled on a simple re-election strategy...
which was a lot like all his strategies.
To him, American institutions are there to be subjugated...
to an all-powerful presidency...
much like the dictatorships he so admires. It fits right in with his party’s typical election schemes...
but which are dangerously destructive. (continued)
which have served them all too well...
4
HUMOR TIMES
September, 2020
Sports 2020 Sports are back, sans fans...
Trump likes to install crony yes-men to key positions...
but balls are not all that players are catching. project his own shortcomings onto others...
College football is getting outmatched by the competition... and impersonate (badly) a man of God.
but the NFL has made changes they think will work. Now he’s banking on a quick vaccine rollout. (continued pg. 7)
September, 2020
HUMOR TIMES
5
The Jerry Duncan Show Interviews Nut Job Dr. Stella Immanuel By Dean Kaner Wherein our intrepid talk radio show host interviews Dr. Stella Immanuel. ANNOUNCER: Live from under a rock in your backyard, it’s The Jerry Duncan Show. JERRY: Good morning listeners nationwide. Is it a good morning? Yes, it is. My guest today is Dr. Stella Immanuel, Trump conspiracist and proponent of Hydroxychloroquine to be used in the treatment of Coronavirus. JERRY: Let me just get it out there. You are a nut job! DR. STELLA IMMANUEL: (Cameroon accent) Why? Just because I say DNA from space aliens currently being used in medicine? JERRY: No. For claiming Donald Trump is not a space alien. IMMANUEL: All I know is dat I’m from Cameroon. JERRY: Trump calls that “shithole country.” IMMANUEL: I tought he talking about Alabama. JERRY: Hey, Doc. Do you know the most popular pick up line in Cameroon? IMMANUEL: Nope. JERRY: Nice tooth. IMMANUEL: Dat mean, Duncan. Some people like me have two tooth. JERRY: Multiple studies have disputed claims that Hydroxychloroquine can help treat or even prevent the Coronavirus. The FDA said it has not been an effective treatment for the virus. IMMANUEL: Who da FDA? These are da same foo dat claim face mask and social distancing necessary. Caitlyn Jenner skinny because FDA just banned trans fat. Now what we do? JERRY: Eat boogers. IMMANUEL: Dat a good idea. Many people tink boogers funny, but they snot. I know kids don’t eat spinach, but love boogers. The studio door slams shut. Donald Trump enters. DONALD TRUMP: I need to meet that brilliant doctor from the lagoon. IMMANUEL: It’s Cameroon. TRUMP: I know. Next to Harlem. Do you know what the most positive thing is in Harlem? IMMANUEL: Da Apollo Theater? TRUMP: HIV.
JERRY: You’re stereotyping Black people. There are upscale brownstones in Harlem. Whites are moving there by the hundreds. The neighborhoods are revitalized. TRUMP: Excuse me. I need to finish lying. A Black person loves me and you’re looking at her. IMMANUEL: I love Trumpster. He like a rock. JERRY: Only dumber. TRUMP: You keep trying to make me look like a fool. I don’t need your help, Duncan. I’m a stable genius. JERRY: Mr. Ed was a stable genus. You’re a horse’s ass. TRUMP: Dr. I. You live in Houston. Right? IMMANUEL: Well. I on da run from Louisiana for malpractice. TRUMP: That’s okay. I’m on the run from New York for fraud and corruption. JERRY: Don’t forget tax evasion and money laundering. TRUMP: Okay. So I forgot a few. I have a question, Doc. Heard Formaldehyde cures the Coronavirus. JERRY: Are you crazy? It’s used in building materials. TRUMP: Shit! I just mixed it with soap. Is it poisonous? Answer fast, my hands are feeling numb. IMMANUEL: Let me pray the poison away. I’m witch doctor. “Ooh Eeh Ooh Ah Aah Ting Tang Walla Walla Bing Bang.” TRUMP: Do me a favor. I only need one more vote for a recount in Texas. I don’t want to lose the election to Sleepy Joe Biden. Do I have yours? IMMANUEL: Of course you do. Except.. TRUMP: What? IMMANUEL: I’m an illegal and ICE is deporting me in an hour. My vote don’t count. TRUMP: The human body has over 7 trillion nerves. And Dr. Immanuel just got on mine. JERRY: See you tomorrow.
Progressives on Sanders & Biden “The choice ahead, Trump or Biden, is painfully real. Magical thinking has its literary value, but in politics it’s delusional and dangerous to evade the realities of binary choices when they arise. All too often, discussion of voting can fall into a kind of self-absorption that focuses on a voter’s emotions about voting rather than on the impacts of election results on other people.” – Norman Solomon “It doesn’t matter whether you like Biden or not, that’s your personal feelings, irrelevant, nobody cares about that. What they care about is what happens to the world. We have to get rid of Trump, keep pressure on Biden, just as Sanders & associates have been doing. “Politics is activism, not taking five minutes to push a button. Look what’s happening in the streets of the country. One of the greatest social movements that has ever developed, led by Black Lives Matter. Take Sunrise Movement, managed to put the Green New Deal on the legislative agenda. This generation is going to decide whether organized human society can survive. And the crucial part of this decision is to get rid of the major barrier to survival, which happens to be in the White House. Get rid of Trump, then we have opportunities.” – Noam Chomsky “There’s no reason to despair [about Sanders’ primary defeat]. Bernie Sanders has transformed American politics in an incredibly short period of time. He’s revived the socialist movement, inspired hundreds of successful electoral campaigns from the local level to the House of Representatives, and helped stoke strikes and on-the-job organizing throughout the country. And not a moment too soon, as we find ourselves in the midst of a brutal pandemic that can only be solved with exactly the kind of policies he has pushed for his entire career. “This is no time to give up. Bernie opened up an opportunity to remake American politics. It’s up to us to seize it.” – Eric Blanc, Jacobin
6
HUMOR TIMES
September, 2020
Needed: Election Protection (conclusion) Republicans may end up regretting their choices...
especially tethering themselves to a certain guy.
But Trump says he can’t wait for the debates... and that he is cooking up a winning strategy.
He’d like to delay the election...
but the day of reckoning is fast approaching.
He says he’s a “winner,” but it’s more like “whiner”...
September, 2020
and voters don’t like people who were caught.
HUMOR TIMES
7
The “Not Trump” Ticket Biden’s campaign needed a boost...
so they went for a big name...
and a big personality.
They wanted to get everyone talking...
and the party is confident they made the right choice.
Harris will get more than her share of slings & arrows...
but there’s no denying the historic nature of the pick.
8
Now it’s up to the voters.
HUMOR TIMES
September, 2020
No Relief Republicans were worried about helping too much...
and wary of moving too fast.
But they were quick to head out for vacation...
Available at the Artists Collaborative Gallery
Free your mind and the rest will follow www.aofonline.org 916-304-3796
129 K St. Old Sacramento www.johnreigerpottery.com
The e-book “Ninety-Nine Stories” contains 99 stories by Barry Fiegel which is available for $9.99 on Amazon Kindle and other e-book publishers.
Ninety-Nine Stories
and to claim victory while succumbing to defeat.
by Barry Fiegel
“ Read 'Em—You'll Like 'Em. ”
Don’t Let Your Friends Go Without … September, 2020
HUMOR TIMES
Give the HUMOR TIMES today! 9
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‘We Report, You Decry!’ In Lieu of Coin Shortage, US Hurriedly Mints Special Commemorative Coins That Don’t Go Over So Well By Roger Freed In a move to answer a crying need for coins needed due to a shortage, the US Mints have begun issuing a new batch of commemorative coins for each state. Unfortunately, a number of designs were created and not monitored for content before being sent out to banks. Governors of several states have sent in complaints about how their lands were depicted on the coins. Colorado Governor Jared Polis was livid when he saw the Colorado commemorative quarter picturing his state as being a hotbed of cocaine use. “I find this highly offensive, even if it is true,” he stated in an interview in the Denver Post. California Governor Gavin Newsom breathed a sigh of relief that they changed his state’s coin from a very non-modest naked image of a porn star in a very compromising ‘position’ celebrating California’s reputation as the ‘Porn Capital of the U.S.’ to a more easy-to-digest slam on two of their more famous (and infamous) past Governors. Mississippians were not at all happy that they were caricatured as being the intellectual, ethical and social dumping grounds of the country. A great cry has gone out from states insulted by the quarters to recall them. Unfortunately most of them are already lodged in laundromat machines, soda dispensers and automatic car wash facilities throughout the country. Also, the second wave of coins has already been put into circulation which is going to infuriate the citizens of Oregon, Maine and Alaska to the point of anarchy. On the other hand, coin collectors all around the world are having a hoot with them.
Famed British Agent James Bond Arrested on 37,267 Counts of Sexual Assault By Ted Holland, Dispatches from SNN (Slobovian News Network) Internationally famous British secret agent James Bond was arrested today as he vacationed at the glamorous Slobovian resort, The Isle of Poohtang. Mr. Bond was taken into custody on international warrants charging the sexual assault and rape of 37,267 women around the world since 1962. In order to be “poBond: “Shaken, not litically correct,” Mr. stirred,” by charges. Bond was arrested by Slobovian Secret Agent ZippeQuarkUpo, the Slobovian equivalent of 007. The earliest complaint against Bond dates back to the spring of 1962. A woman named Honey Ryder states that she met James Bond on an Caribbean island belonging to a Doctor No. She says that she was collecting seashells on the seashore when she met Mr. Bond, who seduced her and then proceeded to blow up the island. She stated that Mr. Bond seduced her several more times, took her to England, seduced her multiple times there, then dumped her for some Russian bimbo, who he in turn dumped for someone called Pussy Galore. “James Bond thinks that all women are pussy galore,” stated Miss Ryder. Other women who have filed charges against Mr. Bond include Domino Derval, Kissy Suziki, Mary Goodnight, Holly Goodhead, Octopussy, Vesper Lynd, Fatima Blush and a woman identified only as “M.”
12
Headline News Section Aspiring to the High Standards Set by Cable News
Coronavirus Relief Negotiations Stall Over Cap on Thoughts & Prayers
Ivanka Takes Star Wars Halloween Trip
By Evan Helmlinger Days of talks between Senate Republicans and Democrats saw negotiations stall as an impasse was reached late Tuesday over federally-provided thoughts and prayers in the next coronavirus relief bill. According to health experts, those resources are desperately needed to combat the surge in coronavirus cases across the Sun Belt. Senate Democrats have been pushing for as much as the states need, while Republicans support a strict cap, citing a lack of available sympathy. “Government should not be in the business of opening our hearts willy-nilly,” said Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell to reporters on Tuesday. “We’ve exhausted much of the available T&P [thoughts and prayers] over the last few years. Unlimited sympathy stinks of socialism, and we will not turn this great country into a Marxist wasteland where the government helps their citizens in a crisis.” Many governors agree with the Republican stance. Ron DeSantis, governor of Florida, praised McConnell’s stubbornness, saying, “We
By Diane de Anda A story has finally leaked out about an incident that happened around Halloween last year when Ivanka was not seen in public for a few weeks. It appears that she was in a private psychiatric hospital while she recovered from the hallucinogenic effects of some mushrooms she purchased at a roadside farmer’s market that she described to her friends had a “trippy 1960’s vibe.”
don’t need the fed’s help. Things are fine here. The sun’s out, the water’s warm, and I have an awesome pair of new swim trunks to try out!” As hospitals run short on necessary resources, the FBI has been seizing illegally stockpiled T&P. A Texas woman had her home raided by agents, confiscating 7,500 thoughts and prayers. “It’s wrong what they’re doing!” she later said to reporters. “I was saving those for the president in case Joe Biden wins. After all the cases and investigations against him, he’s going to need it!” Even if passed, it’s unlikely Trump would sign the measure. He’s used any available T&P for Ghislaine Maxwell, alleged accomplice to deceased sex offender Jeffrey Epstein. Russell Vought, acting director of the Office of Management and Budget, defended Trump’s actions, saying “For the sake of the country, we need Ms. Maxwell to keep quiet, especially about anything pertaining to the president.” Mr. Vought then returned to his office in the Eighth Circle of Hell which he shares with Chief of Staff Mark Meadows.
Trump Reportedly ‘Inspecting Bunker’ After Iranian Murder Warrant Issued By Ted Holland, Dispatches from SNN (Slobovian News Network) Iranian government officials and law enforcement entities have enlisted the left arm of The Slobovian Secret Service (licensed to Schitte) to arrest U.S. President Donald Trump on a recently-issued Iranian murder warrant. Iran claims that Trump issued the orders to kill a legendary Iranian terrorist and high ranking General. Iran first approached such international law enforcement agencies as Interpol, Smersh, The Texas Rangers and Barney Fife about executing the warrant, but all declined. The SSS operation will be headed by legendary agent Dr. Schitta Nofinger. While not giving any specific details, Dr. Nofinger said that in order to access Mr. Trump she would look at the following options: • Disguising herself as Joe Biden and challenging Mr. Trump to a debate. • Disguising herself as a KFC delivery boy and arresting Mr. Trump as he munched.
• Disguising herself as Kim Jong-Un and challenging Mr. Trump to a game of ping-pong. • Seducing Mr. Trump and arresting him during his post-sex nap. • Executing a “No Schitte” warrant… blowing up Washington D.C. and sorting out the ashes. Dr. Nofinger stated that she expects to have Mr. Trump in custody before the November U.S. elections.
Ripping the Headlines Today Making fun of the headlines today, so you don’t have to By Paul Lander. All you need to do is follow one simple rule: barely pay attention and jump to conclusions. So, here are some headlines today and my first thoughts: Biden picks Kamala Harris for Veep Paging Maya Rudolph. Paging Maya Rudolph. Paging Maya Rudolph. Sweltering heat wave bakes the West It was so hot… how hot was it? It was so hot, I saw a rotisserie chicken fly by window.
Goya CEO’s cozying up to Trump may have backfired, study shows They said backfired about a com pany that sells beans. Tee. Hee. Hee. Tiger seized in Mexico after being lassoed Now that’s a tough golf course!
Trump stokes ‘birther’ conspiracy theory about Kamala Harris At this point, it’s hard to tell which of Kamala Harris’s ethnic backgrounds Trump wants to ban from the country the most. Big Ten cancels football season by overwhelming 12-2 vote So, shouldn’t that be Big 14… guess math isn’t their best thing… Harry Styles’ ‘Watermelon Sugar’ surges to top of Billboard Hot 100 … and the list of causes for diabetes and hypertension. Trump says the “1917 pandemic” ended WWII Worst. Jeopardy. Contestant. Ever. These 33 countries have banned U.S travelers Americans are banned from so many countries – soon they’ll be denied service at ‘The International House of Pancakes.’
Senate goes on recess … where they should be going is detention … Russia’s top doctor quits over ‘gross violations’ of ethics that rushed through Covid-19 ‘vaccine’ Although, it’s not official until he falls out of a window. Herman Cain tweets 2 weeks after death, slams Joe Biden and Kamala Harris You’d think if Herman Cain tweeted from the grave it would be for someone to send him a f%&king mask. Peter Navarro claims that Hydroxychloroquine works better than Remdesivir Only as a Spelling Bee word… Trump wants white suburban housewives to be afraid of Corey Booker Really? Has he looked at Senator Booker… if Corey shows up, their husbands are the ones who should be nervous.
Read more columns by Paul Lander at humortimes.com.
HUMOR TIMES
Lord Jabba Trump with another playmate.
That evening, she and the children put on their Star Wars Halloween costumes and watched Return of the Jedi, with Ivanka in Carrie Fisher’s gold bikini. At the end of the movie, the nannies took the children to bed, and Ivanka went to her own bedroom. About 15 minutes later, Jared entered the room to find her sitting on the edge of the bed with the chain from the metal collar around her neck clamped on a bedpost. Thinking it was a game of sexual role playing, Jared decided to play along. “Leia,” he called, “It’s Han. I’ve come to rescue you!” Jared then lunged toward the chain and pretended to give it a karate chop, since he didn’t have a weapon. Ivanka jumped to her feet yelling, “Leave, leave my bedchamber right now. I don’t belong to you anymore. I belong to him.” Thinking he was supposed to play the dashing hero, Jared then rushed Ivanka and tried to throw her over his shoulder. Yelling, “No, no, it’s over between us,” Ivanka smacked Jared in the mouth with one of her metal bracelets. Blood running down his chin from his now very swollen lip, Jared dropped Ivanka onto the bed and dashed into the bathroom to make a cold compress with a hand towel. When Jared returned to the bedroom, Ivanka looked at him with a cold eye. “Leave, leave before he gets here. You’ve always known he was the one in control. I hear his bulk coming down the hall. Go out the side door before Lord Jabba gets here!” At this point, Jared realized that this was no role play, and Ivanka had lost touch with reality. He did leave by the side door, but to call the family physician who sent a special limousine with EMT’s who convinced her that they were emissaries of Jabba the Hutt ordered to take her to his special hideout. During the first few days of therapy, Ivanka continued to insist that Jared was Han Solo and did not recognize photos of her children, except the youngest who she identified as Salacious Crumb. By the third day, the effects of the hallucinogen began to wear off, and she could correctly identify all family members, except her father, whom she continued to refer to as Jabba the Hutt for the next two weeks. During this time, Jared mentioned his concern to her therapist, who assured him that this was taking more time only because there was such a close resemblance.
Surgeon General’s Warning: ‘Humor Times’ Habit-Forming The U.S. Surgeon General warned citizens about the national humor magazine called the Humor Times today, saying it was “habit forming” and could lead to serious bouts of belly-laughter – upsetting the habitually pessimistic and people with weaker stomachs. “Although the President thinks it can cure COVID-19, either by reading or injecting it, until that’s proven, people should read it with masks on, so as not to spread germs with uncontrollable laughter.” (Ed. note: A subscription form can be found on page 3 – use at your own risk!)
September, 2020
Pandemic: Viral Summer As the virus raged on...
many sought to escape from lockdown...
but they did have concerns.
In South Dakota, motorcycle enthusiasts partied...
saying their forefathers fought for the freedom to go mask-free.
Trump offered the deepest sympathies he could muster...
and said he’s listening to the experts...
September, 2020
but his messaging is inconsistent at best.
HUMOR TIMES
13
Pandemic: Schooled Concerned parents did their best...
to deal with the options they were given.
The prez was adamant...
that kids need a shared experience.
as parents tried to cope.
So they dutifully headed off to school...
and Republicans were less than helpful.
Meanwhile, Putin rushed out a vaccine...
14
HUMOR TIMES
September, 2020
Trump’s World His every move is calculated to improve poll numbers...
and to please his biggest supporter.
He’s the most patriotic president ever, he says...
so he doesn’t understand opinion polls.
Still, he’s confident he has the support...
because his own data proves it.
Meanwhile, Pence is debate-prepping...
September, 2020
and the party is playing the long game.
HUMOR TIMES
15
The Hightower Lowdown
Cognitive Test
Get Into ‘Good Trouble’: Save Our Post Office… and Our Right to Vote! The stable genius can ace any test...
and Biden could never do it like him...
nor could anyone else.
Every now and then, an enormously beneficial soul comes along — someone whose work is so productive, honest and inspirational that he or she ought not be allowed to die. That’s how I felt last month when I heard that John Lewis had slipped away from us. Since the late 1980s, it had been my good fortune to have known, admired and learned from this civil rights icon and U.S. representative from Georgia. Throughout his exemplary life of progressive activism, Lewis hurled his heart, soul and head (literally!) into fighting the Powers That Be to gain and protect the voting rights of all Americans. As a young movement leader in 1965, he was with Martin Luther King Jr. among the marchers on the front line in Selma, Alabama, who had their heads busted by state troopers for daring to insist that African Americans be allowed to vote. That bloody encounter was televised to a horrified nation, prompting Congress to pass America’s historic Voting Rights Act just five months later. In turn, that law empowered grassroots organizers to usher in a remarkable era of political progress: Black voter registration jumped nearly 70% the next year, and Black citizens throughout the land were finally able to start electing their own representatives to office (including Lewis himself, who won a congressional seat in 1986). The importance of Lewis, though, was that he didn’t just sit in that seat; he put it to use daily. He was renowned for battling the bosses, bankers, billionaires, big shots, bastards and BSers who keep trying to knock down the middle class, hold down the poor and tear down people’s democratic rights. He set an example of bringing moral strength to public service, striving for a little less greed and a lot more justice. But mostly, what he did was inspire ordinary people to recognize their own strength and common interest; he rallied each of us to unify, organize and mobilize to build a society solidly grounded in the fundamental values of fairness and respect for human dignity. His lasting message was simple, direct and true: “Democracy is not a state. It is an act.” If We the People are to control our own destiny, if we are to have and hold democratic power, we can’t wait on some politician to “save” us. We have to act, standing together against the moneyed and political elites who keep imposing their plutocratic control over us. As Lewis put it, we have to be willing to get into “good trouble, necessary trouble.” At the very least, we should all vote. For one thing, as Lewis warned just days before he
JIM HIGHTOWER passed away, our crucial democratic right to vote “is not guaranteed. You can lose it.” That was no hyperbole, as millions of eligible American voters know from rude experience … and as many more of us might soon learn. You see, it’s one thing to “have the right” to cast your ballot, but it’s quite another thing to be able to exercise that right. During the past decade, Republican officials and funders have built a massive network of voter-suppression operatives who use legal technicalities, poll closures, fraud, fearmongering and plain old thuggish intimidation of voters to shut out people inclined to support Democratic candidates. Rather than winning votes, their game is preventing votes. And now comes the manipulator in chief with a demented and pernicious scheme to prevent millions of people — maybe you — from having their say in November’s election. Here’s the deal: Because of the spreading COVID-19 health crisis, a majority of Americans are either afraid or outright unwilling to go stand in line at crowded polling places. Shouldn’t be a problem, though. Just let everyone who’s concerned use our nation’s excellent, reliable, trusted postal service to cast their votes by mail. Aha, exulted President Donald Trump, if I ban mail-in ballots and force in-person voting, turnout will shrivel, and I’ll win because my supporters would eat a COVID virus to get to vote for me! Alas, he couldn’t just ban vote by mail, though, since five states already do it and anyone over 65 is allowed to do it. Plan B: Defund the U.S. Postal Service so it can’t do its job, thus eliminating the mail option. In March, he personally killed a bipartisan provision in the national economic rescue package that would’ve assured continuous delivery of our mail. Then, in May, he installed one of his partisan mega donors as postmaster general. And the postmaster is now sabotaging delivery times by arbitrarily slashing the hours of postal workers. Like a petty third-world potentate, Trump is willing to destroy a prized national asset in a pathetic attempt to cling to power. To help stop him, go to the grassroots alliance rallying to save our public post office — and our right to vote: USMailNotForSale.org.
Now he faces a tougher test from the American people.
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HUMOR TIMES
September, 2020
Un-American Trump’s finding that not all tests are on paper...
and passing them is not all about macho bluster.
on how you measure up to the best of America.
Ultimately, the people will grade you...
will not be forgotten.
Recent assaults on our Constitutional rights...
Some worry the protests will only help Trump...
September, 2020
but we’ve been getting into good trouble since the Revolution.
HUMOR TIMES
17
Miscellaneous Mischief
18
HUMOR TIMES
September, 2020
September, 2020
HUMOR TIMES
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