“Democracy is messy, and it’s hard. It’s never easy.” – Robert Kennedy, Jr. Issue #344
December, 2020
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Editor’s Letter America Saves Democracy, for Now… and a Bittersweet Goodbye to a Beloved Cartoonist Congratulations, America! You saved democracy by not letting a dangerous authoritarian takeover proceed any further. But did it really have to be so close? Well, it wouldn’t have been, but for that crazy little American quirk, the Electoral College. It’s way past time to do away with this slavery-era invention, a fig leaf offered to the slave states to get them to sign off on the Constitution. Every non-American in the world is wondering what the F is wrong with us! Our best shot at redemption is the “National Popular Vote,” which would guarantee the Presidency to the candidate who receives the most popular votes. If enough states agree to pledge all their electoral votes to the winner of the popular vote – no matter who won their state – then the popular vote winner automatically wins the Electoral College as well. The effort needs an additional 74 electoral votes worth of states to join to go into effect. (Read about it at nationalpopularvote.com.) Meanwhile, I want to use the remainder of this space this month to say goodbye to one of my all-time favorite editorial cartoonists, Tom Toles. He’s also a favorite of a large portion of political cartoon enthusiasts around the world, I’m very sure. The Washington Post (where he has worked since 2002) announced that Toles is retiring after a long career that included winning a Pulitzer Prize in 1990. His last cartoon was on November 1st, so he didn’t have a post-election offering, unfortunately. If he had, we would’ve likely featured it on the cover, but we really needed an election-related cartoon there. The artist who replaced him at the Buffalo News (where he started out 19 years before), Adam Zyglis, tweeted about how Toles’ work inspired him, and declared simply, “American satire just took a hit.” Washington Post editorial page editor Fred Hiatt wrote this in a memo: “Fittingly, as Herblock’s successor, Tom won the Herblock Cartooning Prize in 2011, and he has been recognized with numerous other awards, including a Pulitzer Prize... We will greatly miss Toles’s mordant skewering of environmental malpractice, presidential arrogance and Washington hypocrisies and pomposities of all varieties. Drafting four penciled sketches a day, five days a week, week in and week out, Tom set an almost unimaginable standard of consistent excellence.” We agree. Tom Toles will be sorely missed on these pages. I have always loved his cartooning style – funny in its own right, even before you read the joke – as well as his incredible ability to not only make us laugh, but make his point succinctly, bitingly – getting right to the heart of the matter. And then, of course, there’s always that bonus punch line: the tiny self-portrait of himself in the lower right corner of the cartoon, making some snide remark. He is a true genius at his craft. I will let him give you more of his bio, as well as say his goodbyes, in the cartoon to the left. Take care, Tom Toles, and enjoy your retirement! – James Israel, Editor P.S. As always, we remind you that we need your support! As a small publication in a bad economy, we face a perpetual battle to survive. Please consider giving subscriptions, donating and/or becoming an ongoing patron at www.patreon.com/humortimes. Thank you so much! NOTE TO SUBSCRIBERS: First of all, thank you so much for subscribing to the Humor Times! You keep us going. Secondly, if you subscribed through an online magazine agent, please do us a favor and subscribe directly with us at https://subs.humortimes.com! For example, if you subscribed through a company like magazines.com, we have to share your subscription fee with them, while our mailing and printing costs remain the same. So it would help us a lot if instead you renewed directly with us. To check your account type, look at the address label on the back cover. After your name, you will see two numbers: one beginning with “S” and one with “D”. “S” is your account number, and it has a dash and another letter after the number. That denotes Direct (“D”) or Agent (“A”). If it’s “A”, you subscribed through an agent. Please get in touch with the company you used, and tell them you do not wish to renew. (You will still get all the issues you paid for.) Then, be sure to contact us (see below) and let us know, as we’ll need to send you direct renewal reminders when it’s time. The price is the same if you’re set to auto-renew (as you likely are with them). By the way, the other number on the label, starting with “D”, is the issue Due number – the issue with which your subscription comes due.The current issue number is on the front cover, upper left. Thanks again!
The e-book “Ninety-Nine Stories” contains 99 stories by Barry Fiegel which is available for $9.99 on Amazon Kindle and other e-book publishers.
The Humor Times® (ISSN 1937 299X), Vol. 29, Issue 344, is published monthly by the Humor Times, 7271 Lindale Dr, Sacramento, CA 95828. (Not our mailing address, see “postmaster.”) Periodicals Postage Paid at Sacramento, CA and additional mailing offices. POSTMASTER: Send address changes to: Humor Times, P.O. Box 162429, Sacramento, CA 95816-2429. Subscriptions: http://subs.humortimes.com. Website: www.humortimes.com. Editor: James Israel. Publisher: Jim LeDoux. Email: info@humortimes.com. Phone: 916-758-8255. Printed by: Herburger Publications, Galt, CA 95632. Contributors: Ruben Bolling, Bill Bramhall, Chris Britt, Jon Carter, Ken Catalino, Diane de Anda, John Deering, Michael Egan, Roger Freed, Walt Handelsman, Phil Hands, Joe Heller, Jim Hightower, David Horsey, Paul Lander, Chan Lowe, Mike Luckovich, Andy Marlette, David Martin, Joel Pett, Dan Piraro, Rob Rogers, Harley Schwadron, Drew Sheneman, Scott Stantis, Dana Summers, Tom Toles, Dan Wasserman & others. Contributions: Send artwork/submissions to address or email above. The Humor Times (formerly the Comic Press News) is printed on recycled paper, using at least 60% post-consumer fiber. All contents ©2020. No part may be reproduced without permission.
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December, 2020
HUMOR TIMES
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Vote Count The Trump campaign blew a “HUGE” amount of money...
but Trump’s supporters never wavered.
and by Halloween, Dems were looking invincible...
He continued with his trademark campaigning style...
with his infectious personality.
entertaining his adoring fans...
The choice was stark...
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but some still could not decide. (continued)
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December, 2020
As push came to shove...
it was not looking good for Trump...
and there were record turnouts everywhere. The nation tuned into 24-hour election coverage...
and Dems couldn’t believe what was happening. Trump’s followers grew paranoid...
and Trump goaded them on... saying it wasn’t over until he said so. (continued pg. 7)
December, 2020
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The Jerry Duncan Show Interviews Senator Bernie Sanders and His Uncle Max Sanders Wherein our intrepid talk radio show host interviews Senator Bernie Sanders and His Uncle Max Sanders. Ed. Note: Announcing an all-new The Jerry Duncan Show series on YouTube! Check ‘em out at linktr.ee/thejerryduncanshow. ANNOUNCER: Live from under a rock in your backyard, it’s The Jerry Duncan Show. JERRY: Good morning listeners nationwide. Is it a good morning? Yes, it is. Today on the show my guest is Vermont Senator Bernie Sanders and his Uncle Max Sanders. JERRY: Hi Bernie. SENATOR BERNIE SANDERS: Hello my Alaskan friend. I want you to meet my Uncle Max. JERRY: Hi Max. MAX SANDERS: Can you believe Bernie drags me to this fakakte lake in Vermont to go fishing? BERNIE: We’re in a boat on Lake Champlain. MAX: Champagne, complain. I’ve never fished in my life! BERNIE: Try it, you’ll like it. There’s bass, trout, northern pike, salmon. MAX: What is this a 5 star restaurant? If I want salmon, I’ll go to Sol’s Deli for lox. BERNIE: Jerry. Vermont has 7,000 miles of rivers and streams, 800 lakes and ponds. We can fish in any direction. MAX: Can we catch gefilte fish? Give me something to live for. BERNIE: When I was a little pisher in Brooklyn, my father took me fishing in the Hamptons. JERRY: The Hamptons? That’s where all the rich people live. BERNIE: Correct. Pops said money can’t buy happiness, but neither can poverty. The problem was we fished in people’s koi ponds, so we had to run for our lives. MAX: Running. Isn’t that how you got the bug to go into politics? BERNIE: Absolutely. We poor folk and activists had something in common. We were both fighting for change. In my case, a couple of nickels to rub together. JERRY: How about you, Max? What did you do for a living? MAX: I was an accountant. BERNIE: Uncle Max is the smart one in the family. But he is cheap. JERRY: How so? BERNIE: Last week, he put a quarter in the parking meter and complained to city hall there wasn’t a gumball. Let me give you another instance. Two years ago his wife Ruth asked for diamonds for her birthday. He brought her two — the eight and the queen.
MAX: Yes. I’m conservative. BERNIE: Don’t mention that word. I’m up here to relax from high blood pressure. JERRY: So fellas. How do you plan to catch fish? Do you know what you’re doing? BERNIE: How hard can it be? I have a can of night crawlers, a net and a few fishing rods. JERRY: How do you get the worm on a hook? BERNIE: You squeeze it through. Then cast the rod and wait for a fish to take the bait. It’s not rocket science. MAX: I got a better idea. I’ll just swim to shore. BERNIE: You’ll drown. MAX: Exactly. BERNIE: Jerry. We got a problem. JERRY: Did you run out of prune juice? BERNIE: This is H-U-G-E. The boat just sprung a leak. MAX: The one day I go fishing and end up on the Titanic. BERNIE: Don’t panic. MAX: Where’s the life jackets? BERNIE: Oy. I forgot them. MAX: Can I call a lifeline? Senator Bernie Sanders. Image by DonkeyHotey, flickr.com. BERNIE: Regis is dead. Jerry. You’re a smart man. Should I use Max’s toupee to plug the hole? JERRY: Nah. Try your earwax. It’s waterproof. Lord knows there must be 79 years worth in that canal. BERNIE: Hold on. This might take a while. Lots of crud. MAX: Do you need some of mine? BERNIE: No. I have so much wax they could put me in a wax museum. JERRY: Do you have enough yet? MAX: Shut up so he can keep digging. BERNIE: You’re on schpilkas. I’m digging. I’m digging. JERRY: And? BERNIE: I found an old Q-tip. Wait. I can fill the hole. JERRY: Great. BERNIE: Now I’ll start the motor and we’ll head back to shore. The motor doesn’t start. MAX: This isn’t going to end well. Starts singing My Heart Will Go On from the movie Titanic. Near, far where ever you are, I believe that the heart does go on… JERRY: See you tomorrow everyone. The Jerry Duncan Show, (c) Dean B. Kaner
Democrats Need to Clearly Embrace Popular, Progressive Policies or Continue to Fail in Down Ballot Elections Excerpted from an article by Eoin Higgins, Business Insider: Polling from around the country shows majorities of Americans in favor of a broad swath of progressive policies and positions like racial justice, addressing climate change, universal healthcare, and more... [Even in] Fox News surveys, the numbers [are] striking. 72%... were in favor of government-run healthcare, 71% in favor keeping Roe v. Wade in place as it is, 55% calling for more strict gun laws, and 72% want a pathway to citizenship for immigrants in the country illegally. Hardly the makings of a right-wing nation... There is an opportunity here for Democrats, and one they should not ignore. ...Voters appear not to associate the party with the progressive priorities they support. For example, Biden lost Florida but voters approved a $15 minimum wage, a long-time Democratic and progressive priority. This confusion over political ideology is going to continue to be a problem for Democrats, especially if Trump’s brand of right-populism continues to dominate the Republican Party... After 30 years, the result of that Third Way strategy that Bill Clinton championed is clearer than ever. The Democratic Party is ideologically adrift, caught in a cycle of rejecting the desires of its progressive base in favor of an imaginary right-wing electorate that has delivered them fewer and fewer victories. Biden has a chance to reverse that — an opportunity that would require him running counter to much of his career. More at: readersupportednews.org/ opinion2/277-75/66215-democratsneed-to-clearly-embrace-popularprogressive-policies-or-they-willcontinue-to-fail-in-down-ballotelections.
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December, 2020
Vote Count (conclusion) Trump declared himself the winner...
but the vote count continued.
Soon, it was all over...
but the crying.
Americans had spoken...
but all knew the fight wasn’t over.
It’s also clear that our electoral system needs modernization...
December, 2020
HUMOR TIMES
and that it’s not quite time to relax yet.
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Transition Many feared a replay of 2000...
and began preparations.
Americans demanded Republicans do the right thing...
but they are temper-tantrum averse.
and began negotiations.
They assured us they knew how to deal with the president...
But they may have miscalculated...
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as they both ended up down the rabbit hole. (continued)
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December, 2020
Biden & Harris sought to reassure the public...
but Republicans said their guy was just getting started.
Trump, meanwhile, kept his regular schedule...
forcing the rest of us to ride along.
Ultimately, though, it’s not up to him...
and one day, he’ll be gone...
one way or another.
December, 2020
We just have to survive until Inauguration Day. (cont. pg. 13)
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Cartertoons • www.cartertoons.com
•
by Jon Carter
Cartertoons • www.cartertoons.com
•
by Jon Carter
‘We Report, You Decry!’ Biden Voters Exhibited Bizarre Behavior to Cope with Election Anxiety By Dennis Wobber As the election neared, supporters of Joe Biden were suffering from election anxiety, in spite of numerous polls showing Biden with a big lead. They dealt with the stress by engaging in a wide variety of irrational coping behaviors. A typical voter, Joe Topal of Pittsdale, PA, explains:
“I live in a swing state and it was driving me crazy. I sent in my ballot in two weeks early, then spent almost all my waking hours checking the polls, reading the news, watching CNN, and responding to Facebook trolls. I went out and got some rosary beads, and I’m not even Catholic.” Myrna Plotz, of New Yonkers, NY, had another perspective: “I don’t live in a swing state, and it was driving me crazy. Sure, I voted for Biden, but I know my vote doesn’t really matter. I looked at the polls and saw that Biden supposedly had about an 85 percent chance of winning. What the heck is wrong with us that a fool like Trump had a 15 percent chance of winning? That’s like rolling a die and having it come up six. That could easily have happened. Herman Dobbins, of Tallawacky, FL, went to the extreme of making himself an “advent calendar” concluding on election day. Each of the 25 small doors on the calendar was illustrated with drawings of various failures and bad actors surrounding Trump. Dobbins: “Every day I opened one of the doors to get a treat. No matter how bad the news was, at least I had something to look forward to. The last door, for November 3, had a drawing of Trump. I stocked it with several liquor-filled chocolates, in case I needed them.” Other Biden voters coped by purchasing voodoo dolls of Trump, carving pumpkins in his likeness and dropping them off of rooftops, and joining ritualistic drumming circles with the goal of “drumming Trump out of office.”
Headline News Section Aspiring to the High Standards Set by Cable News
Justice Barrett: First Days on SCOTUS Marked by Practical Jokes, Pranks By Evan Helmlinger Justice Amy Coney Barrett, President Trump’s Supreme Court appointment following the death of Ruth Bader Ginsberg, has been the subject of multiple practical jokes during her first days on the job. According to sources, the pranks – ranging from whoopie cushions on her seat to stink bombs in her office – have come from both her liberal and conservative colleagues. The only justice not participating in the shenanigans has been Chief Justice John “Big Cheese” Roberts, who called the pranks “damaging to the legitimacy of the court,” but also “darn hilarious.” The first practical joke came on Barrett’s first day, when clerks for Elena “Cheech” Kagan replaced the sour cream Barrett intended to use on her lunch with Crisco. The next day, Barrett discovered several ounces of glitter in her judicial robe, a joke allegedly orchestrated by another Trump pick, Brett “Brewski” Kavanaugh. The glitter quickly became ingrained in the surrounding furniture, carpeting,
and electronics, with Barrett’s husband, Jesse Barrett, describing the scene as “so devastating we may have to move. Not cool!” Apparently, Ginsburg was the adult in the room, holding others to a higher standard. Now that she’s gone, it’s like a frat house. Justice Barrett, for her part, has not taken the pranks lightly, retaliating against some of her colleagues. After the glitter incident, Barrett allegedly had images of Senator Amy Klobuchar – who famously grilled Kavanaugh during his confirmation – hidden throughout Kavanaugh’s house to startle him. Kavanuagh has since refused to re-enter his home, instead crashing on Justice Neil “Squeech” Gorsuch’s futon. It’s not clear how long this hazing will last. Some fear it could grow into an all-out prank war, something Barrett may be well equipped to handle: one of her former classmates at Notre Dame Law School advised the other justices “not to poke the bear… I’m still blind in one eye because of one of her pranks involving a prophylactic and a slingshot.”
Jeffrey Epstein & the QAnon Connection By Diane de Anda This reporter has just discovered the origins of QAnon. While cleaning out his office on the island, one of the staff discovered a hidden file in which Jeffrey Epstein outlined his plan for creating QAnon to distract from his own pedophilia and that of top Republican leaders. What better plan than to accuse their opponents and put the Democrats on the defensive? His first step was hiring screen writers from the underground child pornography business to write various scenarios that QAnon could spread across social media. He loaned them his diary, which offered abundant material. Next he hired social media experts, who said he had to tap two groups in particular: those who use social media and the internet for sexual material, as they would be avid supporters, using QAnon to cover their own proclivities and offenses. Next would be the evangelicals, though there might be a significant overlap between the two groups. However, he could count on the evangelicals to give it a religious flavor, which would add another layer of protection.
The media person also suggested adding in militia and NRA groups, who are always looking for any excuse to lock and load. He put out the word to specific Republican leaders, suggesting they indicate that they didn’t even know what QAnon was, so their connection would be safe. After Epstein’s death, the technicians running the enterprise continued on, since Ghislaine made sure that their salaries would continue, as it helped her own cover, particularly when she was on the run. Ghislaine contacted people in important positions in the U.S. and other countries who had “partied” with Epstein, and money has rolled in to maintain their anonymity and further fund QAnon. The staff regularly drops acid together to keep their followers enthralled with absurd stories.
Trump Campaign Ran Out of Money, Resorted to LittleNoticed Online Auction By Lesley Leben With less than a week to go in the election and out of cash, the Trump campaign announced that they would hold an online auction. The following are some of the items people bid on: Walk Like a D-List Model: First Lady, Melania Trump, would come to your home and demonstrate how to walk in four-inch heels. (Open to all genders, heels not included.) The Art of the Steal: In the privacy of your own home (with curtains and blinds drawn), Trump accountants would show you how to cheat on your taxes. Slovenian Dinner: Melania would prepare what she refers to as “traditional shit-hole country dinner,” consisting of goulash and fried goat cheese. (Under the conditions of her pre-nup, FLOTUS was not allowed to actually eat such food.) All the Right Moves: The President would teach you his classic pick-up technique: the stop, drop, and grab. Fantasy Island: Mike Pence would train you how to keep a straight face while you fantasize about having sex with baby goats on a grassy knoll in early spring, hypothetically speaking that is. Sotto Voce: Ivanka Trump would demonstrate how to speak in a low sultry voice and fight one’s natural inclination to shriek with rage. The Art of the Stockpile: Using the model he used during the pandemic, Jared Kushner would prove to kids, ages three to five, that sharing is overrated. Through a series of Power Point presentations, Kushner offered a compelling argument for why kids should keep all their toys to themselves. Despite Trump’s loss, auction winners said it was worth it, meeting their heroes and learning some handy grifting techniques.
Ripping the Headlines Today
Trump’s “Jeers of a Clown” Album Released
Making fun of the headlines today, so you don’t have to
By Ralph Lombard In what seems to have been a desperate attempt to revive his rapidly waning poll numbers before the election, Donald Trump in early October released his first official presidential record album, “Jeers of a Clown.” “I love listening to the sound of my own voice,” he explained, “Especially in stereo, with the volume turned all the way up! It’s so beautiful you can’t even begin to imagine it, but believe me, it’s the most wonderful thing you’ve ever heard. Which is why I decided to record an album of all of my greatest bad-boy presidential hits. I won’t say it’s the most tremendous album ever produced, but it probably is!” The two-disc set contains two dozen of the president’s favorite song-and-dance numbers from the past four years of his International Preda-Tour:
By Paul Lander. All you need to do is follow one simple rule: barely pay attention and jump to conclusions. So, here are some headlines today and my first thoughts: Justin Trudeau says he’s first world leader to personally speak with President-Elect Biden Canada’s gotta be like “thank God the meth head downstairs is moving out.” Jared Kushner’s company moves to evict hundreds as pandemic rages Damn, I did n’t re al ize that many people lived in the White House.
Climate crisis could kill off great tits, scientists warn What boob came up with this headline? Nicolas Cage’s 1967 Ford Mustang from ‘Gone in 60 Seconds’ Just Went Up for Sale … for 20% off you also get Cage as a driver.
Scientists discovered how to ferment coffee grounds into 80-proof liquor … can’t wait for a Mocharita.
Ice Cube groans over backlash he received for working with President Trump: ‘Have a nice life’ If he loses anymore rap street cred, he’s going to have to change his name to Vanilla Ice Cube.
Jennifer Lopez production company beats $40 mil lawsuit from woman who inspired ‘Hustlers’ Good thing because no way Lopez comes up with 40 mil in singles.
Cop sues Breonna Taylor’s boyfriend over emotional distress That’s like Dahmer suing a victim for giving him a stomach ache.
News anchor suspended for asking why 2020 ‘took’ Trebek, not McConnell Strange because he did phrase it as a question.
White House press secretary said more than 1 million attended a demonstration in support of Trump, but it was more likely thousands Damn, any fewer people marching in DC and Trump can claim a second inaugural.
Jeffrey Toobin fired from the New Yorker after his naked Zoom debacle Although, in reality, it was more like he gave himself the shaft. Trump’s gray hair during press conference leaves viewers baffled Hmmm, sounds like someone ran out of his ‘Just For Mad Men.’
Guitar Center plans to file for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection No word if investors are being told not to fret. Trump fires Secretary of Defense Esper … on the latest episode of ‘Cabinet Apprentice.’
Disc One, Side One Mad Loon Rising Jeers of a Clown Mocking in the Free World Comfortably Numbskull I Only Have Eyes For Me Don’t Worry, Be Sappy Disc One, Side Two Blunder Road Reign of Fools Runaround and Sue Somebody to Shove For Everything Turn, Turn, Turn (To Trump Merchandise!) Born to Ruin
“Jeers of a Clown” album cover.
Disc Two, Side One Scorn in the USA You Put a Smell on Me (Be cause You’re Mueller) Light My Falsifier I Bought the Law Unchained Felony My Degeneration Disc Two, Side Two Tangled Up in Blue States Running on Empty (Promises) He’s Not Heavy, He’s My Donor Whole Lotta Fakin’ Going On I Conspiracy For Miles All I Have to Do is Scream “All good, loyal, patriotic Americans should run out and buy this unbelievably incredible record of mine,” the president concluded, “Feel free to sing along, and if you don’t know the words just say ‘Yeah, yeah, yeah!’”
Read more columns by Paul Lander at humortimes.com.
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December, 2020
Transition (conclusion)
Pollsters
The transition will happen...
Pollsters tried to pick winners and losers...
and it will finally be time to say adiós to The Donald.
and although they’ve lost points with the public...
The new team will have their work cut out for them... they’ll be back...
with much to do (and undo).
December, 2020
in what seems like a never-ending cycle.
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Mission Abandoned Trump tried his best to distract...
but he got “tired of winning.”
As always, he lashed out at the “losers”...
because in his mind, he’d already won.
making fun of Biden...
He stuck with what he did best...
But history won’t forget. and complaining about the media.
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HUMOR TIMES
December, 2020
The Prez (for now) He’ll soon be gone...
but as long as he’s got his fans...
he will do what he does...
with the help of “the best people.”
He wanted to be king... but all he could manage was a bad imitation of a tin-pot dictator.
As of press time, he was still refusing to accept reality...
December, 2020
HUMOR TIMES
and maybe he never will. To quote himself, “SAD!”
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The Hightower Lowdown
Cultists
‘Lefty Righties’ Appear in ‘Trump Country’ Nobody can really explain Rudy’s career trajectory...
except to say only one thing excited him anymore.
Meanwhile, the cult of personality continues...
Many years ago, literary critic Dorothy Parker skewered an unfortunate author with her sharp wit: “This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force!” That’s how a lot of us feel about this presidential election year, which has been distinguished by an incumbent who is so self-centered, incompetent and both mentally and morally unsteady that he’s more dangerous than a baby who’s gotten hold of a hammer. Swinging wildly, he’s tried to win by demolishing the truth, shattering the law, smashing basic rights, annihilating fair play, trashing the common good, busting up social trust, splintering justice and … well, generally eradicating the egalitarian principles that unify Americans into a functioning democracy. The worst, most divisive election ever, right? No. That horror belongs to the 1860 contest, a four-man race that Abraham Lincoln won with 39.8% of the vote: rabid racism; furious intimidation of voters; blatant manipulation of ballots; personal attacks so vicious they’d even make President Donald Trump cringe; and daily death threats not only from the goofball “proud boys” of the day but from Southern elected officials and establishment newspapers. “If Lincoln is elected,” a Virginia member of Congress told the New York Herald, “we will go to Washington and assassinate him before his inauguration.” It was a campaign of demonic fury: Mobs attacked and wrecked Republican offices in Washington and Baltimore, and 10 Southern states wouldn’t even put his name on the ballot. Despite the vitriol and violence, Lincoln won, stayed calm yet firm in a time of dangerous turmoil, held a bitterly divided nation together and even expanded our democratic ideals and advanced the possibilities for ordinary people to achieve them. He didn’t wear a silly red cap arrogantly proclaiming, “Make America Great Again.” He did it. Indeed, he died for it. The point is that Lincoln didn’t preserve the noble idea of America by rewriting the law but by altering the culture, pushing the people themselves to act on their better natures. So, 160 years after that toxic election, here’s another one, and there’s no Lincoln in sight. That means that We the People have to do the healing ourselves. “Good grief!” cry many progressives. “How has America turned so right-wing that a flabby, narcissistic, wannabe dictator such as Trump is even in the running?”
JIM HIGHTOWER But wait. Aside from a minority of racist, xenophobic, misogynistic voters, plus a bunch of uber-wealthy corporate profiteers making a killing from his rich-man’s agenda, most of Trump’s rank-and-file voters are not rightwingers at all. To see evidence of these “lefty righties,” look at the multitude of overtly progressive ballot issues that won majority support on Tuesday, even in so-called Trump Country. • Fifty-three percent of Arizona voters said yes to a tax surcharge on incomes above $250,000 a year for individuals and $500,000 for joint filers, specifically to raise teacher pay and recruit more teachers. • A whopping 78% of Oregon voters approved a populist proposition to put strict controls on the corrupting power of big-money corporate donations in elections. • Sixty-one percent of Floridians voted to raise the state’s minimum wage to $15 an hour, a working-class advance vehemently opposed by corporate giants and right-wing groups. • Fifty-seven percent voted yes on a Colorado provision requiring corporations to let employees earn paid time off for medical and family needs. • Between 53% and 69% of voters in six states — including such supposedly conservative bastions as Arizona, Mississippi and South Dakota — approved initiatives liberalizing and even legalizing marijuana and other drug use. • Plus, there were some big symbolic victories, such as Mississippi replacing a Confederate symbol on its state flag with a magnolia blossom, and the people of Nebraska overwhelmingly voting to amend their constitution to excise an antiquated provision authorizing slavery as a punishment for certain crimes! The hope that resides in these progressive policy positions is the prospect that a truly great American majority might yet be forged — not around some mega-politician but around our people’s basic shared values of fairness, justice and equal opportunity for all.
highlighting a growing divide.
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HUMOR TIMES
December, 2020
Holidaze Halloween seemed like a perfect fit this year...
and folks got quite creative.
It was a scary time, with COVID and all...
but it meant the year was nearly over.
After the election, people were ready for Thanksgiving...
such as it was.
Before you know it, Santa will be flying in...
December, 2020
and 2021 cannot arrive soon enough.
HUMOR TIMES
17
Miscellaneous Mischief
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HUMOR TIMES
December, 2020
December, 2020
HUMOR TIMES
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